Work Text:
The Pony Express station at Sweetwater had survived storms, gunfire, stampedes, outlaws, broken axles, fever, and Cody’s cooking.
It was not prepared for Wallace.
He arrived in a wagon shaped like a giant wedge of cheese.
Teaspoon Hunter stood on the porch.
“No.”
Rachel Dunne came beside him.
“You don’t even know what it is.”
“I know enough.”
The wagon stopped.
A side panel opened.
Wallace stepped out wearing goggles.
“Morning!”
Behind him, Gromit emerged carrying a map.
Cody’s eyes widened.
“Is that cheese?”
Wallace beamed.
“Mobile dairy refrigeration laboratory.”
Buck Cross looked at Jimmy Hickok.
Jimmy looked at Kid.
Kid looked at Lou.
Lou looked at Ike.
Ike signed something.
Buck translated.
“He says we should leave now.”
They did not leave.
Wallace had been hired by a dairy cooperative to demonstrate a new refrigerated delivery system that could carry milk across long distances without spoiling. The machine worked by circulating cold air through insulated compartments.
In theory.
In practice, it also produced enormous quantities of ice.
By lunchtime, half the station yard was frozen.
Cody skated across it on two dinner plates.
“This is the greatest invention in America!”
He hit the water trough.
Lou laughed until she nearly fell over.
Gromit sat on the porch beside Ike, both of them watching the chaos with identical expressions.
Ike signed.
Gromit nodded.
Buck blinked.
“You understand him?”
Gromit signed back.
Ike’s face lit up.
Within minutes they were having an animated silent conversation.
Wallace leaned toward Buck.
“What are they saying?”
Buck watched.
“Ike says your machine is going to explode.”
Wallace frowned.
Gromit signed again.
Buck added, “Your dog says probably.”
The trouble arrived that evening.
A gang led by Virgil Ketch had learned that a gold shipment would be carried east disguised as ordinary Express mail. Ketch planned to seize Sweetwater station, identify the correct pouch, and disappear before the next rider arrived.
He had not planned for an English inventor.
The first outlaw entered the barn and immediately slipped on ice.
The second opened Wallace’s refrigeration wagon and was buried under frozen cheese.
The third found Gromit waiting behind the door with a rolling pin.
Jimmy heard the commotion first.
“Riders!”
The station erupted.
Kid and Lou took the front. Buck circled behind the barn. Cody climbed onto the roof. Teaspoon shouted instructions nobody followed. Rachel dragged Wallace behind a water barrel.
“My machine!”
“Your machine is currently fighting bandits.”
“Oh.”
A bullet struck the refrigeration pipe.
Wallace gasped.
The machine hissed.
Gromit’s eyes widened.
Ice began forming across the yard.
Fast.
Very fast.
“Everybody off the ground!” Buck shouted.
Ketch ran toward the mail room.
Ike intercepted him.
Ketch raised his gun.
Gromit launched himself from the wagon roof.
The dog hit Ketch squarely in the chest.
They rolled across the ice.
Ketch’s gun slid away.
Ike grabbed it.
Gromit stood, dusted himself off, and adjusted his collar.
Ike signed.
Gromit smiled.
Buck translated from across the yard.
“He says nice tackle.”
Then the refrigeration machine gave a terrible metallic groan.
Wallace stood.
“Oh, crackers.”
The giant cheese-shaped wagon began rolling downhill.
Straight toward the bunkhouse.
Cody stared.
“My bed!”
“Forget your bed!” Jimmy shouted.
“My boots are in there!”
Gromit sprinted after the wagon.
Kid jumped onto his horse.
Lou mounted behind him.
They raced alongside the runaway machine.
Wallace ran after everyone, waving a wrench.
“There’s a brake!”
“Where?” Lou yelled.
“Inside!”
“Of course it is!”
Gromit climbed onto the rear axle, scrambled over the roof, and vanished through the hatch.
The wagon accelerated.
Cody prayed for his boots.
Teaspoon prayed for patience.
Inside, Gromit found the brake lever frozen solid.
He looked around.
A block of cheese sat on a shelf.
Gromit stared at it.
Then at the lever.
Then back at the cheese.
Seconds later, he jammed the cheese beneath a gear.
The mechanism shrieked.
The wheels locked.
The wagon spun sideways and stopped three inches from the bunkhouse.
Silence.
Cody opened the door.
“My boots!”
Teaspoon smacked the back of his head.
By morning, Ketch and his gang were tied to the porch rail.
The gold was safe.
The station yard was thawing.
Wallace stood beside the ruined refrigeration machine.
“Well, Gromit, perhaps the American market isn’t quite ready.”
Gromit handed him a newspaper.
On the front was an advertisement:
WANTED: INVENTORS FOR CALIFORNIA AGRICULTURAL FAIR.
Wallace brightened.
“California!”
Gromit’s ears drooped.
Ike laughed silently.
Before they left, Wallace presented the riders with a wheel of Wensleydale.
Cody hugged it.
Jimmy stared.
“You gonna eat all that?”
Cody looked offended.
“Not at once.”
Everyone stared.
Cody reconsidered.
“Probably.”
Gromit climbed into the wagon.
Ike signed goodbye.
Gromit signed back.
Buck smiled.
“What’d he say?” Lou asked.
Buck watched the cheese wagon wobble away.
“He said good luck.”
“With what?”
Buck looked at Cody, who had already taken a bite directly from the wheel.
“All of us.”
