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Texas Ranger Reese Bennett had been suspicious of Wallace from the moment the Englishman said the words “self-propelled cheese.”
Chad Cooper had been curious.
Joe Riley had been delighted.
Erik Hunter had asked whether it was legal.
Nobody had asked Gromit.
This was unfortunate, because Gromit already knew the answer.
No.
The machine was called the Wallace Automatic Cheese Wrangler. It had been designed to transport large wheels of cheese from warehouse to railway depot using a system of spring-loaded mechanical arms.
Wallace demonstrated it in the Laredo town square.
A metal arm picked up a cheese.
Another arm stamped it.
A third placed it into a crate.
Joe applauded.
“That’s beautiful.”
Reese squinted.
“It’s a menace.”
“Chief, you call everything a menace.”
“I call you a menace.”
“See?”
Chad walked around the machine.
“What happens if somebody puts something other than cheese on the platform?”
Wallace laughed.
“Oh, it knows the difference.”
Gromit slowly looked at Wallace.
Wallace’s smile weakened.
“Mostly.”
At that exact moment, Joe placed Reese’s hat on the platform.
The machine grabbed it.
Reese stared.
“Riley.”
The machine stamped the hat.
INSPECTED: DAIRY GRADE A.
Joe ran.
The next morning, every bar of silver from the Laredo assay office disappeared.
The thief had left behind one clue.
A round impression.
Exactly the size of a cheese wheel.
Reese found Wallace at breakfast.
“You’re under arrest.”
Wallace dropped his toast.
“Again?”
Gromit lowered his newspaper.
Reese paused.
“What do you mean again?”
“Nothing.”
The real culprit was Silas Creed, a cattle buyer with expensive boots and very cheap morals. Creed had watched Wallace’s demonstration and realized the machine could pack silver into cheese crates without attracting attention.
He stole the Cheese Wrangler overnight, modified the gripping arms, and used it to load the assay office silver into a freight wagon marked PERISHABLE DAIRY.
It was almost clever.
Almost.
The Rangers followed the wagon trail south.
Wallace rode with Chad.
Gromit rode with Erik.
Joe had volunteered to carry the machine’s instruction manual and had lost it within twelve minutes.
“I didn’t lose it.”
“You don’t have it,” Reese said.
“That’s not the same thing.”
“Where is it?”
Joe looked around.
“A safe place.”
Gromit reached into Joe’s saddlebag and removed the manual.
Joe smiled.
“See?”
Reese groaned.
They caught Creed near the river.
His men had formed a barricade from cheese crates.
Wallace stared.
“That’s no way to treat a dairy product.”
Bullets struck the rocks.
Reese looked at him.
“You got a plan?”
Wallace thought.
Gromit already had one.
He crawled behind the wagon, opened the Cheese Wrangler’s control panel, and rewired the sorting mechanism.
Creed shouted from behind the barricade.
“You Rangers come any closer, I’ll dump the silver in the river!”
Joe whispered, “Can I shoot him?”
“No,” Reese said.
“Can Chad?”
“No.”
“Erik?”
“No.”
“What if Gromit shoots him?”
Everyone looked at Gromit.
Gromit looked offended.
Then the Cheese Wrangler activated.
Its metal arm swung around.
It grabbed Creed.
Creed screamed.
The second arm stamped his coat.
INSPECTED: DAIRY GRADE A.
Joe fell off his horse laughing.
The third arm dropped Creed into an empty crate.
The lid slammed shut.
Reese stared.
“I take back what I said.”
Wallace smiled.
“About my machine?”
“No. About the dog.”
The remaining outlaws surrendered.
Mostly because the Cheese Wrangler had begun advancing toward them.
Back in Laredo, Wallace was cleared.
The silver was recovered.
Reese’s hat was not.
Wallace offered him a replacement.
It was green.
Reese stared at it.
“No.”
“It’s waterproof.”
“No.”
“Built-in ear warmers.”
“No.”
“Emergency cracker compartment?”
Reese paused.
Joe leaned in.
“Chief?”
“No.”
Gromit handed Reese his old hat.
The DAIRY GRADE A stamp was still visible.
Reese put it on.
Joe snorted.
Reese turned.
“Riley.”
Joe ran.
Chad followed, laughing.
Erik shook his head.
Wallace watched them disappear down the street.
“Nice chaps.”
Gromit nodded.
Reese looked at the dog.
“You ever think of becoming a Ranger?”
Gromit considered Wallace, who was currently trying to explain to a horse why it should wear mechanical roller skates.
Gromit sighed.
Reese nodded.
“Yeah. You’ve already got a full-time job.”