Work Text:
You stared at your phone’s screen, where the reminder for someone’s birthday flashed. It’s almost midnight, and the day will be over—it would be too late for a birthday greeting, though you can always send a “Belated happy birthday” tomorrow. But you promised yourself you will never miss his birthday like he sometimes missed yours in the past due to how busy his schedule was. Not that it was his fault.
The last time that Zayne exchanged messages with you was two weeks ago. And three weeks before that. And maybe another three…? You lost count. But it was mostly the same. Catching up, checking in, talking about work, and friends, and work, and the weather. There was never any depth since that time a few months back.
He happened to have the time and energy, and maybe courage, to ask you one late night if you still like him the way you said you did about five years ago. He said he saw some signs, and that the people around him, his coworkers, your other friends, may have noticed you being a constant in his life. Maybe this was his kind word for being clingy, but you digress. The point was, he is bringing it up after five years.
Five years ago, you had just gotten out of high school, and he had just started working at Akso Hospital. Despite being busy in med school, Zayne always had time to hang out, always replied to your messages, whether it was to talk about anything or to complain about Caleb, or to check on him and ask how his training is going. He also always made sure to check on your condition. It was his caring nature that made you fall for him, besides his looks.
And so one rainy day as you lay on your bed thinking about him, you wondered if you should tell him. He happened to be online and you thought…
You thought…
You asked him if in his time in med school, and then at work, if he’s gotten himself a girlfriend. Your feet were cold, not from the weather, your hands clammy, your stomach in knots, as you texted him. He found the question unusual, and he had said he doesn’t have anyone, and decided to ask you the same. You said you liked someone. A few more back and forths, and he found out that you liked him. You told him.
Unfortunately, as you half-expected, he did not return the feelings. He said he sees you as a little sister.
Of course he did. He’s been taking care of you for half of your life back then.
Luckily though, Zayne is a gentleman, and didn’t just avoid you for that. He still remained your friend, supporting you in the ways he can, still talking, still hanging out, still caring for you.
And that did not make the feelings go away.
Years passed and you still liked him. You tried to respect his decision, but somewhere deep in your heart, you hoped that something would change and that he would like you back. Even if it takes years. So you tried. As bad as you are at anything, you tried dressing up, tried learning how to bake his favorite desserts, and became a hunter to prove to him that you are not weak. Not that he thought that, but you never know.
He never showed any change of heart.
So you also tried to not care. You gave up on trying to impress him. You tried to focus on your missions. You tried not to be too giddy when he texts you. You tried to look for love elsewhere.
They said it’s love if it’s longer than just a few months.
It’s been five years.
You had just gotten home from a particularly exhausting mission. It was almost dawn. You decided to lay down on the carpet to ground yourself a little. Maybe thirty minutes on your phone before you get up again to take your uniform off and shower.
A notification said Zayne sent you three messages a few hours ago.
He was offline now and you thought that he may have gone to work… or gone to sleep. You didn’t really know what his schedule was like these days. You stopped asking and memorizing it, because you found it concerning how you knew his schedule to the dot.
Like you were his wife, and him, your husband.
You shake the thought off. Ridiculous. Disgusting.
Maybe you shouldn’t read his message yet. But what if Zayne needed help? But what would Zayne need your help with? How could a perfectly capable person such as himself need help from someone like yourself?
Your self-deprecating internal monologue faded away as you unlocked your phone and read it.
It was a paragraph of preface, describing the patterns he (finally) noticed after one of his colleagues stole a peek at his phone and told him that whoever this MC person is must have secret admiration for him.
Do you still like me?
Suddenly, you were back to that rainy day five years ago, feet and hands cold, though it might just be the night chill, stomach in knots, though it might just be your own hunger after a full day at work, and the uncertainty of whether to say what you really want to say. Do you tell him the truth? Do you lie to him for the sake of false peace?
And a tiny voice in your head said… maybe he’s asking because finally, he…
So you tell him the truth.
And you tell him not to worry about it.
And that’s it. You lock your phone, you get up, look for anything edible in the pantry, and run a hot bath. You soaked until the water turned cold and your fingers pruned, and went to sleep.
You woke up a little late, good thing you didn’t have work. You tried to sleep some more until you remembered the text. You checked your phone and Zayne had replied.
You don’t even remember anymore how he said it. But it was the same truth as five years ago. You deleted the text to forget about it. And you never knew peace again after that. It has been months now. Zayne was even more busy with work. You were also busy with work, but performing lower than you used to, Jenna said. Zayne still texted. You still replied.
Are at least, tried not to, and failed.
But this has to stop.
So a few months ago, you stopped replying to him unless necessary. You didn’t initiate conversations. You declined hangout invites.
You wondered if he was even a little bit concerned. You wondered if he sat in his office staring at his phone wondering why you were being quiet. You wondered if he still thinks if you have eaten or followed his medical advice. You wondered if you’re still just a little sister to him. But also, is he asleep right now or is he at work? Is he in Linkon or is he out of town? Has he visited the dentist like you told him to months ago?
You caught yourself wondering the thoughts you told yourself you should stop asking, stop caring about. It’s twelve thirty-one in the morning now. His birthday has passed.
You lock your phone and lay down. You still want to wonder if this avoidance will last long enough that you can forget and make the feelings go away fast enough. Then you can be friends with him again.
Or would it be another five years, and you visiting his clinic one day, greeting him, “Good day, Dr. Li.”