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By Then

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March 8 1991

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Riri woke on her sixteenth birthday because Brendan dropped something heavy in the kitchen and immediately tried to pretend he had not. The noise travelled through the floorboards a little before seven, a blunt metallic crash followed by several seconds of silence and then her father’s voice carrying faintly through the house as he told Evelyn, “Nothing broke.” Evelyn answered something Riri could not hear, and Brendan replied, more defensively, “Nothing important broke.” Riri stayed under the blankets long enough to decide that whatever had fallen was probably connected to breakfast rather than a birthday surprise, because Brendan had never possessed enough theatrical patience to conceal gifts by moving them around loudly before dawn. March light had begun to show through the edge of the curtains, pale and bluish over the snow outside, and the room still held the heavy warmth of somebody who had slept beneath two blankets through a Whitehorse night. On the chair beside her bed lay the trousers and dark flannel shirt she had put out before sleeping, ordinary clothes chosen precisely because she did not want her birthday to become an occasion for relatives to suggest she dress specially. Sixteen sounded different when she thought it without saying it. Fifteen had been a number she had inhabited long enough to stop noticing. Sixteen possessed edges. It appeared on driving rules, work forms, tournament registrations and conversations adults had about what she was old enough to do without them. Nothing in her body felt altered since the previous evening, but the arithmetic pleased her anyway.

Downstairs, Brendan had dropped the cast-iron frying pan while reaching for a larger one. He was making eggs, potatoes and bacon in quantities more appropriate to a visiting work crew than three people, which meant breakfast itself had apparently become the first birthday concession. Evelyn sat at the kitchen table in a dressing gown, reading the local paper beside a mug of tea and showing no urgency about rescuing him from his own ambitions. When Riri entered, Brendan pointed the spatula toward her and said, “Sixteen,” as though announcing a result. Riri said, “Apparently,” and opened the refrigerator for juice. Evelyn folded the top corner of the page, reached out as Riri passed and caught her gently around the wrist until Riri leaned down far enough to be kissed on the cheek. “Happy birthday, love,” she said, keeping the affection simple enough not to demand embarrassment in return. Riri answered, “Thanks, Mum,” and remained bent long enough for Evelyn to put one arm briefly around her shoulders despite the increasingly ridiculous difference in their size. Brendan watched this while turning potatoes and said, “I assume I’m not getting that.” Riri straightened and told him, “You can if you want.” Brendan immediately said, “No, I’m cooking,” which made Evelyn hide a smile behind the newspaper.

The party was scheduled for late afternoon because nobody in the family believed sixteen required renting a hall, dressing formally or constructing an event large enough to exhaust the person whose birthday it was. The Callaghan house had always absorbed gatherings according to its own practical limits. Chairs came from bedrooms and the basement. Coats accumulated on the bed upstairs when the entrance hooks filled. Somebody brought food whether asked or not. Children ended up under tables or asleep across adults who had not arrived with them. By three, Evelyn had a cake on the sideboard beneath a clean tea towel, Brendan had carried an extra folding table in from the shed, and Riri had been ordered twice to stop doing jobs other people could manage. The second time came when Evelyn caught her moving the heavy table alone and said, “You are permitted to have a birthday without turning it into labour.” Riri told her, “It weighs nothing.” Evelyn answered, “That sentence has never once prevented something from being work.” Riri set the table where Brendan wanted it anyway, but she allowed him to unfold the legs.

Claire arrived early enough that Riri suspected she had deliberately chosen a time before the house became crowded. The Valentine two weeks earlier had changed their relationship without making either of them suddenly skilled at being girlfriends, if that was the word they were using yet. They had gone for cocoa once, walked together several times after school and kissed exactly once behind Claire’s house, a brief nervous experiment that left both of them smiling too much afterward and pretending the walk home was normal. Claire came through the door carrying a flat package wrapped in brown paper and wearing a dark green jumper beneath her winter coat. Her braid was over one shoulder, already frayed slightly from her hat. She handed Riri the package before removing her boots and said, “You’re not opening that in front of everybody.” Riri asked, “Why?” Claire replied, “Because I said so,” and Riri accepted the explanation because Claire’s expression suggested the gift was either personal or embarrassing enough that pushing would ruin it. Evelyn, crossing the hallway with a bowl of crisps, greeted Claire exactly as she greeted any other teenager who entered the house and asked whether she had eaten. Claire said yes. Evelyn said, “That wasn’t the question I asked,” and Claire laughed before following Riri toward the kitchen.

By four the house had reached the point where individual arrivals stopped mattering. Aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbours and two of Brendan’s friends from work had filled the front room and kitchen with enough voices that no conversation remained private unless conducted in a hallway. Someone had brought a casserole despite Evelyn saying food was covered. Somebody else arrived with rolls. A younger cousin discovered the bowl of crisps and stationed herself beside it with strategic commitment. Riri moved easily through the crowd because most of the people present had known her since childhood and therefore lacked the hesitation strangers sometimes developed around her size. She accepted hugs from relatives who wanted them, allowed one aunt to cup her face and complain that she had become impossibly grown, and escaped before anybody could begin telling stories about her infancy. Claire stayed close without attaching herself to Riri’s side, talking with two girls from school and helping Evelyn carry plates when the kitchen became congested. Once, while Riri was listening to Brendan’s brother describe a truck problem in excessive detail, she became aware that Claire was watching her from across the room. Claire did not immediately turn away when their attention met. Riri felt the familiar small shift in her chest and then had to return to the truck story because her uncle was asking whether she thought the problem sounded like the starter.

The first present that made Riri genuinely sit forward came from Brendan and one of his brothers together. The case was heavy enough that her younger cousins had been forbidden from carrying it and long enough that she knew it contained tools before the latches opened. Inside lay a socket set with proper weight to it, not a simplified beginner’s kit chosen because she was sixteen or because she was a girl. Ratchets, extensions, deep sockets and standard ones sat clipped into moulded compartments, all clean enough to reflect the overhead light. Riri ran one thumb over the handle of the larger ratchet and asked, “These are mine?” Brendan said, “Unless your uncle intends to fight you for half.” His brother raised both hands and told her, “I contributed money. Your father chose the set because he doesn’t trust me around organised tools.” Brendan said, “Correct.” Riri tested the mechanism with a quiet series of clicks and asked whether she could keep the case in her room. Brendan replied that tools belonged where she could find them and added, “Just don’t loan half of it to people who think returning sockets is optional.” Riri said, “I know who you mean,” which caused three relatives to name the same cousin at once.

Hockey gifts came from two directions. Her grandparents had contributed toward a better pair of gloves after hearing her complain that the palms in the old ones were nearly through, while an aunt and uncle produced a set of replacement skate blades wrapped carefully in newspaper because they had trusted Brendan to specify exactly what Riri used. Neither gift was glamorous, which made them perfect. Riri pulled one glove on immediately, flexed her fingers and said, “These fit.” Her grandfather told her, “That was the theory.” Brendan examined the stitching as though the manufacturer had personally asked for approval. Claire sat on the arm of a chair watching Riri’s pleasure become most obvious precisely when she forgot anyone was watching. Later she would tease her about smiling more over steel blades than over the cake, but in the crowded room she left Riri alone with it.

The difficult gift came from Great-Aunt Moira, although difficult was unfair to Moira herself. She lived outside Whitehorse, visited only several times a year and belonged to the category of relatives who loved Riri sincerely while never quite understanding what to do with the person Riri had become. Moira knew Riri played hockey, knew she kept her hair short, knew dresses had vanished from her wardrobe years earlier and nevertheless maintained a gentle conviction that somewhere beneath the work boots and broad shirts existed an unused appetite for femininity waiting to be invited politely back. Her package was soft, tied with a ribbon and accompanied by the sentence, “I saw this and thought the colour would be lovely on you,” delivered with such uncomplicated goodwill that Riri’s suspicion arrived alongside guilt for feeling it.

The garment inside was a blouse. Not merely a blouse, but a satin blouse in a pale dusty rose with a gathered collar, pearl-like buttons, soft pleating down the front and sleeves full enough at the shoulder to make Riri wonder whether fabric manufacturers had recently declared war on restraint. The room did not go silent because nobody else had yet noticed what had been revealed, but Evelyn saw it immediately from across the table. Riri felt Claire beside her become very still. Moira leaned forward and said, “Hold it up. Let me see the colour near you.” Riri did. The blouse seemed even more elaborate when spread between her hands. She could imagine it on Claire without difficulty; on herself it felt less like clothing than evidence from an alternate life. Moira smiled and said, “There, isn’t that pretty?” Riri could have made the situation cruel without intending to. She could have laughed, refused it or announced that everybody in the room ought to know better. Instead she remembered that Moira had not tried to correct her. She had simply purchased something she sincerely imagined her niece might enjoy. Riri folded the blouse carefully over one forearm and said, “Thanks, Aunt Moira.” Moira touched her hand and replied, “If it’s the wrong size, keep the receipt. I wasn’t sure through the shoulders.” That nearly made Claire choke on her drink, though she managed to disguise it as a cough.

Evelyn did nothing.

That was what Riri noticed most.

She did not intervene with a bright explanation of what Riri preferred. She did not rescue her publicly, roll her eyes, apologise afterward on Moira’s behalf or transform a misplaced present into proof of generational misunderstanding. She carried on distributing cake plates while Moira asked somebody else whether the kettle had boiled. The blouse was allowed to be one present among several. Riri set it beside the tool case, accepted another card and moved on. Later, when she went into the kitchen for more forks, Evelyn was rinsing a knife beneath the tap. Riri rested one shoulder against the cupboard and said, “You saw it.” Evelyn answered, “The blouse? Difficult to miss.” Riri asked, “You’re not going to say anything?” Evelyn dried the knife and replied, “To Moira? No. She gave you something she thought you’d like, you thanked her, and you have the receipt.” Riri said, “It’s hideous.” Evelyn considered that and answered, “I wasn’t going to say it first.” Riri laughed, then asked whether Moira would be hurt if she exchanged it. Evelyn said, “She specifically told you to use the receipt if it doesn’t suit. It doesn’t suit. Problem solved.” Riri said the words back because the simplicity pleased her: “Problem solved.”

Claire cornered her five minutes later near the stairs and whispered, “The shoulders,” before immediately pressing her lips together to stop laughing. Riri warned, “Don’t.” Claire’s face reddened with the effort and she said, “I’m sorry. She was sweet. I know she was sweet. But she looked at you and thought, yes, gathered satin.” Riri said, “You’d look good in it.” Claire stopped laughing long enough to ask, “Are you giving me your birthday blouse?” Riri answered, “No. I’m getting the money.” Claire told her, “Romance survives.” Riri said, “Good.”

Dinner turned the party from gathering into crowd. Plates circulated on laps because there were not enough table seats. Brendan’s friend Ron ate standing near the bookcase. Two younger children argued over which one had been promised the corner piece of cake until Evelyn cut the corner in half and informed them they had discovered compromise. Somebody put music on low enough not to prevent conversation. Riri sat between Claire and one of her cousins, eating enough that Evelyn eventually stopped asking whether she had taken everything and began directing food toward other people instead. The cake was chocolate with thick icing and sixteen candles that leaned slightly because Brendan had placed them while the icing was still soft. Riri endured everyone singing because there was no dignified alternative and because her family’s version of the song collapsed into laughter near the end when two people chose different keys. She blew out the candles in one breath. A cousin demanded to know what she had wished for, and Riri said, “Nothing.” Claire nudged her knee beneath the table and murmured that refusing to make a wish was probably against birthday law. Riri answered that she already had the socket set. Claire said, “Your soul is unbelievably practical.”

The party began thinning after seven. Older relatives wanted to drive before temperatures dropped further. Parents collected sleepy children, gathering mittens from beneath chairs and identifying boots by size rather than ownership. Moira kissed Riri’s cheek, told her again to exchange the blouse if the fit was wrong and left carrying an empty casserole dish. Riri felt relieved enough by that explicit permission that she stopped worrying about the exchange altogether. Her grandparents departed next. Brendan carried gifts upstairs to clear floor space while Evelyn wrapped leftover cake for people who had not asked for it. By eight, the house felt twice as large despite still containing several teenagers and one uncle who had become absorbed in discussing municipal snow equipment with Brendan.

Claire stayed.

At first there was no special significance because two other girls from school remained too. They sat on the sitting-room floor looking through a magazine, eating crisps long after anybody needed more food and making fun of an advertisement in which an impossibly polished family appeared delighted by a household appliance. Riri occupied the sofa above them, one new hockey glove still on her left hand because she had forgotten to remove it. When one friend’s father arrived, both girls put on coats because the second was getting a lift. Claire remained seated. One of them asked, “You coming?” Claire said, “No, my mum said I can stay later.” The answer was ordinary enough that nobody reacted, but Riri felt it settle differently.

By nine, only Brendan, Evelyn, Riri and Claire remained downstairs. Brendan had begun taking the folding table apart. Evelyn was packing plates into the refrigerator with the determined spatial logic of someone refusing to admit there was no room. Riri carried rubbish to the bin and returned to find Claire examining the unopened brown-paper package she had brought earlier. Claire tapped it once and said, “Now.” Riri sat beside her on the sofa and peeled back the paper carefully rather than tearing it. Inside was a photograph in a simple black frame, not of Claire and Riri together because no such photograph yet existed, but of the outdoor rink after snowfall. Riri recognised it immediately. Claire had taken it several weeks earlier while waiting for practice to finish. The boards were half buried at the bottom, the floodlights had just come on, and the empty ice reflected them in long pale streaks. Near one corner, almost too small to notice unless someone pointed it out, lay a single black puck.

Riri asked, “You took this?” Claire nodded and said she had borrowed her father’s camera. Riri traced one finger along the frame without touching the glass and asked why she had chosen the rink empty. Claire answered, “Because you like it when it’s empty too.” Riri’s attention lifted at that. She had said something similar only once, during a walk after practice: that she liked the rink after everyone left, when the ice stopped belonging to whoever had just won or lost and became only ice again. Claire had remembered. Riri said, “I do.” Claire smiled and added, “Also, I couldn’t take a picture of you playing without it being blurry.” Riri told her, “Good recovery.” Claire said, “Thank you.”

Evelyn passed through carrying plates, noticed the photograph and said only, “That’s lovely, Claire,” before continuing into the kitchen. Claire watched her go and murmured, “Your mum is terrifyingly good at leaving things alone.” Riri said, “She hears everything.” From the kitchen Evelyn called, “Correct.” Claire covered her face with both hands while Riri laughed. Brendan, who had no idea what the embarrassment concerned, walked through carrying folded table legs and asked whether he had missed something. Evelyn told him, “No,” with sufficient confidence that he kept moving.

The hour after the party felt better than the party itself, though Riri would not have said so where relatives could hear. She and Claire sat at the kitchen table while Evelyn finished washing dishes and Brendan went outside to put something away in the shed. The tool case had returned downstairs because Riri wanted to inspect it properly without twelve relatives touching pieces. Claire watched as she lifted each socket, checked the sizes and discovered a small universal joint beneath one compartment. She asked what it did, and Riri showed her using the ratchet and extension, explaining how the joint let the tool reach a fastener from an awkward angle. Claire listened seriously rather than pretending interest for the sake of affection. When Riri finished, Claire said, “That’s actually clever.” Riri answered, “Yeah.” Claire asked whether everything in the case had a specific place. Riri said, “That’s the point.” Claire pointed toward Riri’s bedroom upstairs and asked, “Does this belief apply to clothes?” Riri told her, “Different system.” Evelyn, still drying a plate, said, “There is no clothing system.” Riri objected, “I know where things are.” Evelyn replied, “Knowledge and system are separate achievements.”

When Brendan came back inside, he found the three of them still around the table and asked Claire whether she needed a ride home. Claire said her mother expected her around ten but had agreed she could walk if Riri came with her. Brendan glanced outside toward the clear night and then toward Riri. He said, “Take the good flashlight and wear the heavier coat.” Riri began to say she did not need a flashlight, but Evelyn had already placed it beside the door without comment. Riri noticed and stopped arguing.

Before they left, Evelyn handed her the blouse receipt.

Riri had almost forgotten it.

“You’ll be in town tomorrow anyway,” Evelyn said. “Exchange it before you lose this.”

Riri folded the receipt into her wallet and asked whether Moira really would not mind.

Evelyn answered, “Moira wants you to have a birthday present you’ll use. She guessed wrong about what that was. You’re allowed to correct the guess.”

Claire, buttoning her coat nearby, said nothing.

Riri slipped on her boots and asked, “Can I put it toward the leather work belt at Harris’s?”

Brendan, from the front room, called, “The decent one, not the cheap one with the bad rivets.”

Evelyn smiled faintly and said, “Apparently the family has spoken.”

The walk to Claire’s house took twenty minutes because neither hurried. Their boots compressed the packed snow with a dry crunch, and the cold had the clear still quality that made every distant sound carry farther than expected. Riri wore the heavier coat because resisting it would have been pointless. Claire kept both hands in her pockets and walked close enough that their shoulders occasionally touched. For the first block they talked about the party: the cake, the cousin who had eaten four rolls, the blouse, the fact that Brendan’s friend Ron had somehow spent forty minutes explaining a snowplough modification to anyone trapped near him. Claire said, “Your family likes you.” Riri answered, “They’re family.” Claire told her that was not always the same thing. Riri knew that. She had friends whose homes taught the distinction daily. She said, “Mine mostly do.”

Claire asked whether sixteen felt different.

Riri thought before answering. “Not really.”

“That’s disappointing.”

“What did you expect?”

“I don’t know. Immediate wisdom.”

“Nothing yet.”

“Maybe midnight.”

“It was midnight last night.”

Claire said, “Then you missed it.”

Riri smiled.

They reached a stretch where snowbanks narrowed the pavement, and Riri moved automatically toward the road side. Claire noticed. “You always do that,” she said.

“Do what?”

“Put yourself on the outside.”

Riri had never thought about it.

Claire said, “When we walk. If there’s traffic or a puddle or the sidewalk gets narrow, you move over.”

Riri answered, “Makes sense.”

“To you.”

“Yeah.”

Claire was quiet for several steps, then took one hand from her pocket and hooked two fingers through the gap between Riri’s glove and coat cuff. It was not quite hand-holding because Riri’s thick winter glove made ordinary fingers nearly useless, but the intention was obvious. Riri adjusted until their hands fit better.

Claire asked, “Did you really like the picture?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re not just saying that because I gave it to you?”

“No.”

“You’d tell me?”

“Probably.”

Claire said, “Probably is not reassuring.”

Riri answered, “I’d tell you if I hated it.”

“That’s slightly better.”

They continued walking with their hands awkwardly joined inside winter gloves.

Outside Claire’s house, the porch light was already on. Riri knew her mother was probably aware of them through the front window and therefore did not attempt anything dramatic. Claire seemed to reach the same conclusion. She stood close, looked at Riri’s face for a moment and said, “Happy birthday again.” Riri answered, “Thanks.” Claire kissed her quickly, more confidently than the first time and still briefly enough that the cold remained the dominant physical sensation. When she stepped back, she said, “Sixteen suits you.” Riri asked what that meant. Claire replied, “Nothing. It just sounds good.” Riri accepted this because birthdays were allowed a certain amount of nonsense.

The next morning, Riri exchanged the blouse.

The woman at the shop recognised the tags, accepted the receipt and asked whether Riri wanted another size or something else from the clothing section. Riri said, “Refund, please.” Evelyn stood several feet away examining socks and made no contribution. The amount returned was enough to cover most of the work belt at Harris’s Hardware, and Riri added birthday money from another card to pay the difference. Brendan had been right about the rivets. The better belt used thicker leather, stronger stitching and metal hardware that did not flex when she loaded it with a hammer, tape measure and small pouch of nails. Riri tested the fit over her jeans and adjusted it one notch tighter. The salesman, who knew Brendan and had seen Riri in the shop for years, said, “That’ll last you.” Riri ran one hand along the leather and answered, “That’s the idea.”

Evelyn paid for nothing.

That mattered too.

The birthday money was Riri’s. The blouse had been hers. The exchange was hers. Evelyn did not turn the purchase into a maternal correction of Moira’s mistake or present the belt later as the gift Riri should have received. She simply waited while Riri counted her cash, accepted the change and carried the boxed belt outside.

In the truck, Evelyn asked, “Happy?”

Riri opened the box again even though she had already inspected the belt in the shop.

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

Riri turned the receipt over between her fingers and said, “Moira really won’t care?”

Evelyn started the engine and let it warm before answering. “She may be mildly disappointed because she liked the blouse. She’ll survive mild disappointment. You’re not required to dress incorrectly so nobody ever has a feeling.”

Riri smiled down at the belt.

Evelyn added, “If she asks, tell her what you bought.”

“You think she’ll understand a tool belt better?”

“No.”

Riri laughed.

“But she’ll understand that you wanted it.”

That afternoon, the new belt hung from a hook in Riri’s room beneath the framed photograph of the empty rink. Her hockey gloves were downstairs drying near the rest of her equipment, the socket set had found a place on a shelf Brendan had cleared in the workshop, and cards from relatives remained stacked beside her lamp. The remnants of the birthday had already begun settling into ordinary household life, which suited her. Sixteen had not transformed anything. She still had homework. Practice still started at the same time. Brendan still expected tools put back where they belonged. Evelyn still insisted that an athlete could not substitute toast for dinner simply because she was running late. Claire was still Claire, only now there had been two kisses and an empty-rink photograph.

Riri sat on the edge of her bed for a while before supper, turning the new work belt over in her hands and testing the stiffness of the leather. Downstairs, Evelyn called that food was ready, and Brendan shouted something about not letting the potatoes go cold. Riri hung the belt back on its hook, beneath the photograph Claire had taken, and went down.

She was sixteen, and for one ordinary March weekend that was enough to make the whole year feel like it belonged to her.