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All Together Now

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January 5 1991

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By half past eight on the first Saturday of January, Juno Greene had already carried six crates of records from one side of the front room to the other and had yet to create any visible improvement. The room looked less as though somebody were organising it than as though a record shop, a nursery and a repair bench had collided during the night. It had never been particularly large, and over the years the furniture had been arranged less according to domestic logic than around whatever equipment Juno happened to be using most often. One wall held the stereo, speakers, a low cabinet swollen with cassettes and several milk crates of records that had long ago overflowed the shelves above them. Another wall carried two bookcases, though their lower shelves had gradually surrendered to children's books, wooden blocks, crayons and the small plastic animals Sofia liked to place in rows. Beneath the front window, where Juno had once vaguely imagined another chair might go, sat a battered metal case full of cables, adapters, microphones, spare connectors and several things he had not used in years but still refused to throw away because he could describe, in precise technical detail, the circumstances under which each one might suddenly become indispensable. He stood in the middle of all of it wearing an old grey shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, looking from the records to the far wall and back again as though some undiscovered dimension might reveal itself if he stared long enough.

The new baby had not arrived yet, and nothing about the morning required urgency, but the knowledge that another person would soon belong to the household had altered Juno's perception of every crowded corner. Monica had not asked him to reorganise the front room. A few evenings earlier she had merely said that they should probably make space for the things beginning to accumulate upstairs: blankets passed down by relatives, the bassinet borrowed from a neighbour, small clothes folded into boxes, nappies, towels and all the other ordinary objects that had once gathered around Andre and Sofia before either child had learned to sit upright. Juno had nodded while she talked and had apparently translated this moderate observation into a challenge involving the entire ground floor. Now, after twenty minutes of moving records, he was beginning to suspect that the house contained significantly more physical matter than it had when he went to bed.

Andre appeared in the doorway wearing one sock and carrying the other in his hand. At seven he had reached the useful age at which he could observe an adult making a mistake without feeling obliged to announce it immediately. He watched his father slide one crate two feet to the left, step back, study it, then push it almost exactly where it had been. Juno noticed him without turning and said, "Morning," while Andre looked down at the sock and answered that he was going to put it on. "Good plan," Juno said, and Andre sat briefly on the arm of the couch to finish dressing before coming farther into the room. He stepped around a coil of cable and asked where the records were going. Juno admitted that this was what he was presently trying to determine, which made Andre ask, "Who's we?" with an innocence Juno did not trust. There was enough Monica in the boy's face when he did that to make him suspicious. "You offering?" Juno asked, and Andre shrugged in the complicated way seven-year-olds could use to mean yes provided nobody made too much of it.

Juno lowered himself beside the open cable case and crooked a finger for Andre to come over. He pulled out a long black lead and asked whether Andre knew what it was. Andre inspected the end and identified it correctly as a microphone cable, which pleased Juno enough that he immediately moved on to the next lesson. "You know what happens when you wrap it around your elbow like this?" he asked, demonstrating the hurried method he had seen musicians, roadies and impatient volunteers use hundreds of times. Andre watched the cable wind around his father's bent arm and answered, quite reasonably, that it got wrapped. Juno told him that it also became twisted, dropped the finished coil onto the carpet and let Andre see how it immediately sprang across itself. "Then the next time somebody lays it out, it does that, and everybody wastes ten minutes blaming the cable." Andre asked how he was supposed to do it instead, so Juno showed him slowly, letting one loop settle naturally into his hand and turning the next in the opposite direction so the internal twist relaxed rather than tightened. Andre copied him badly at first. One loop hung almost to the floor, another folded against itself, and the third slipped free entirely. Juno put two fingers beneath his son's hand and said, "Don't fight it. You're guiding it, not tying it up. Let it tell you which way it wants to turn." Andre looked at the cable suspiciously and observed that it did not actually talk. "Good," Juno replied. "I was worried we'd reached that stage already."

Upstairs, a door opened and Sofia began calling for Monica in the long, melodic fashion she used when she knew perfectly well where her mother was but wanted the entire house informed that she was searching. Monica answered from the bedroom, followed by the quick uneven thump of Sofia's feet crossing the landing. The house had a particular sound on winter Saturdays when nobody needed to be anywhere. Pipes warmed in the walls, the refrigerator motor started and stopped in the kitchen, traffic passed in a softened murmur beyond the windows and children moved through the rooms without any sense that time required managing. Old snow from earlier in the week had gone grey along the curb, and the January light entering the front room made everything look colder than it actually was. Andre tried the cable again, this time producing three decent loops before the fourth twisted. He frowned, immediately started over and said it still was not right. Juno told him it did not need to be right all at once, though Andre continued anyway, and Juno watched him with the quiet satisfaction of finally being able to teach his son something without first stripping the explanation down to make-believe.

For years, Juno's equipment had been surrounded by an invisible perimeter of adult concern. When Andre was small, anything involving cables or tools produced the same cycle: take the connector out of his hand, move him away from the amplifier, tell him not to pull that, explain that the glowing switch was not a toy, put everything higher, discover shortly afterward that he had found something else. At three Andre had wanted to plug every object into every other object. At four he had once carried an unconnected microphone into the kitchen and announced through it that breakfast was ready. Juno had spent much of those years saying not yet. Now Andre could sit beside him and distinguish plugs, understand why a cable was wound a certain way and ask a technical question whose answer could last longer than three sentences. Juno had not expected to enjoy this stage of childhood quite so much. It was not that Andre had become a miniature adult; Juno would have found that unsettling. It was that the boy's curiosity had finally gained enough patience to be useful.

Sofia arrived downstairs carrying a stuffed rabbit by one ear and wearing clothes so imperfectly arranged that it was obvious she had dressed herself. Her shirt was inside out, one trouser leg had crept nearly to her knee and the two socks she had chosen belonged to different pairs. She stopped in the doorway and stared at the displaced crates before asking, "What happened?" Monica appeared behind her holding a mug in one hand and resting the other against the base of her back. The pregnancy showed clearly beneath her loose sweater now, enough that Juno occasionally caught himself looking at her with a small renewed surprise, as though he had forgotten during the previous minute that a third child was actually coming. "Your father had an idea," Monica said, and Juno objected that the idea was still in progress. Monica surveyed the room, asked where the shelves were supposed to be, and listened while he explained that he was making room for them. "By filling the room?" she asked. Juno told her this was the middle stage. "All right," she said in a tone so mild that he immediately distrusted it. When he asked whether she intended to stop him, Monica said, "No, you knew where everything was before you started. I'm curious to see whether that's still true by lunch."

Sofia bent down and picked up a small adapter that had rolled beside the cable case. Juno immediately held out his hand and told her it belonged with him. She considered this for a moment and obediently placed it in his palm, then found another and did the same. On the third object Juno looked toward Monica and said, "See? She's helping." Sofia then removed a cassette from the low shelf and carried it toward the dining room. "Correction," he added, while Monica laughed and followed their daughter. Andre continued winding cables with grave concentration, and within fifteen minutes he had developed a system Juno had not asked for, sorting them by length in three neat groups beside the radiator. Juno was tempted to tell him that this was not how he usually stored them, then noticed the case might actually close more easily if the short leads remained together. He decided not to interfere.

By ten, the room had divided itself into temporary territories. Andre's cables occupied one section of carpet. Sofia had begun transferring plastic animals from the bookcase onto the coffee table, apparently assuming that the general movement of household objects applied equally to her. Juno had removed two wall shelves, discovered that one bracket was bent, spent twenty minutes looking for a replacement and instead found a box of old flyers behind the stereo. He sat down to look through them and was still doing so several minutes later when Monica passed through and observed that nostalgia was unlikely to increase their storage capacity. Juno carried the box to the dining room where she was sorting baby clothes at the table. Tiny shirts and trousers were arranged into piles according to size, blankets occupied one chair, and Sofia sat beneath the table with two dolls and one of Juno's empty cassette cases. Monica nodded toward the flyers and asked whether he intended to keep them. "Some," Juno said. When she asked how many qualified as some, he shuffled through the stack and told her not all of them, which produced the immediate counteroffer of one folder. Juno looked genuinely pained. "For all of them?" he asked. Monica reminded him that he was the one who had declared the house short of space.

He sat across from her and began choosing, though the process went slowly because almost every piece of paper had acquired some small history. A badly photocopied handbill reminded him of a freezing club whose heating had failed halfway through winter, leaving musicians and audience alike wearing coats indoors. Another had been printed by a friend whose press broke halfway through the run, so half the copies lacked the final line. One had a brown coffee ring across the lower corner. Juno held it up and said that one belonged to Monica. She stared at him and asked how he could possibly identify a coffee stain from ten years earlier. "You put your cup too close to paper," he said. Monica denied doing any such thing, and Juno silently looked at the mug resting on top of a folded newspaper beside her. She followed his eyes, moved the cup two inches and told him that proved nothing. He smiled and placed the flyer in the keep pile without asking further permission.

From the front room Andre called for him, and Juno found his son holding two cables that looked nearly identical. Andre asked what the difference was, so Juno crouched beside him and showed him the connectors, explaining why one would normally be used for a microphone and the other for an instrument or amplifier. Andre wanted to know what happened if someone used the wrong one. Juno admitted that sometimes nothing happened, sometimes the sound became noisy, and sometimes somebody spent twenty minutes blaming every other piece of equipment before finally noticing the obvious mistake. Andre immediately asked whether Juno had ever done that. "More than once," Juno said. When Andre asked whether any of those occasions were recent, his father told him that part of the history was irrelevant. Andre grinned and returned to his cable piles with the expression of a child who had just learned something useful about adult fallibility.

Sofia reappeared a moment later carrying one of the short leads. Andre's reaction was immediate. "That was sorted," he told her, reaching for it. Sofia hid the cable behind her back. Andre tried again, patiently at first, explaining that the short ones belonged beside the radiator. Sofia listened without showing any indication that the information had altered her intentions and started toward the hallway. Andre looked at Juno in disbelief. Juno told him, "Your sister is where you used to be." Andre denied ever stealing cables. "You absolutely did," Juno replied. "You just don't remember doing it." From the doorway Monica added that Andre had once hidden three plugs inside a toy truck, and Juno remembered searching half the afternoon for them. Andre looked betrayed by both parents and pursued Sofia into the hallway, explaining more firmly that the cable had already been put away. Sofia answered, "It is away," with enough certainty to make Juno laugh.

Lunch was eaten around the mess rather than after it. Monica made grilled cheese sandwiches while Juno cleared enough counter space for plates. Andre decided to eat standing beside the sink. Sofia sat on the floor near the radiator with her sandwich cut into squares, taking tiny bites from one corner at a time and occasionally offering invisible portions to the stuffed rabbit. Juno leaned against the kitchen doorway and looked through the house while he ate. From there he could see only fragments of the front room: the edge of the sofa, part of Andre's cable arrangement, records stacked beneath the window, the dark rectangular opening of the equipment case. The baby was still months away, but suddenly Juno could imagine another small body occupying that carpet, another chair eventually needing to be fitted around the table, another accumulation of clothes, shoes, cups, toys, school papers, drawings and books spreading into rooms that already seemed to contain twice what the builders could have intended. Monica came beside him and immediately recognized the expression. "You're calculating square footage again," she said. Juno denied it. She told him he had a particular face when mentally rearranging walls. He admitted only that another shelf might help. Monica said no before he had finished the sentence.

He slipped an arm around her waist and rested his hand lightly against her side. "What if it's a small shelf?" he asked. Monica told him a small shelf would hold three things, after which he would buy another shelf to hold everything that did not fit on the first one. Juno accused her of thinking too far ahead. "I'm married to you," she said. "I have to." He kissed her temple and stayed close for a moment. The kitchen around them possessed none of the visual order he kept trying to impose elsewhere. One cupboard door did not close properly. Andre's drawings covered part of the refrigerator, held by mismatched magnets. A grocery list hung beside a telephone number Monica had written on the back of an envelope. Sofia's cup sat on the floor because she had decided the rabbit needed her place at the counter. Juno felt the familiar compression of affection these rooms sometimes gave him, not because anything in them was beautiful on its own but because every surface showed that several people were using the house intensely.

After lunch he finally reached the section of the project that involved the wall. He moved the lowest record crates away, measured the clear space and asked Andre to hold one end of the tape while he marked the height with a pencil. Andre pulled the tape tight and assured him it looked straight. Juno asked him to look rather than think, so the boy adjusted it carefully and nodded. Juno made the pencil mark. Monica passed behind them carrying folded towels, stopped, and became very still. "What is that?" she asked. Juno answered that it was where the shelf would go. Monica looked first at the mark, then at him, and Juno knew from her expression that he had forgotten something important. "That's where the baby's cabinet is going," she said. Juno remained crouched beside the wall while the memory returned in perfect detail. Monica had stood in that exact spot several nights earlier and pointed to it. He had agreed the cabinet would fit there because it was safely away from the radiator. He had apparently retained every detail except the fact that the wall was already spoken for.

Andre quietly lowered the tape measure while Monica reminded Juno that the bassinet was going upstairs and the small cabinet needed to remain downstairs because their bedroom would already be cramped. Juno stood and admitted that he remembered now. Monica asked whether he remembered before or after she said it. "After," he said, because lying would only prolong the moment. He looked at the wall and suggested they could move the records elsewhere. Monica asked where. Juno replied that this would be the next part of the plan. "There is no next part," she told him, but she had begun trying not to smile. Juno spread his hands and conceded that he had forgotten the cabinet. "You forgot the baby needed furniture," Monica said. He objected that this was not the same as forgetting the baby. Andre's attempt to suppress his laughter failed at that point, and Sofia, who had wandered in carrying a wooden spoon, began laughing because everyone else was. Juno looked around at all three of them and complained that the family displayed very little respect for planning. Monica put the towels on the sofa arm and told him to leave that wall completely alone. Juno agreed, although she immediately pointed out that his eyes had already moved to the opposite wall. He looked away from it and told her that was coincidence.

The failure of the larger plan improved the afternoon considerably. Juno stopped trying to solve the architecture of the house and concentrated instead on objects he could actually control. He sat on the floor with the open equipment case while Andre continued sorting cables. Together they tested several questionable leads and discarded two that had been broken beyond reasonable repair for years. Juno found three adapters that served the same purpose as an older one he had been carrying from house to house since before Andre was born and finally admitted that the original could go. Andre regarded this decision with the seriousness of somebody witnessing a sacrifice. Sofia drifted between the front room and dining room, sometimes carrying harmless objects to new locations, sometimes returning things nobody had noticed were missing. Monica worked steadily through the baby clothes, occasionally holding up a shirt or pair of trousers and asking whether it had belonged to Andre or Sofia. Juno guessed incorrectly often enough that she eventually stopped consulting him.

Andre uncovered an old pair of headphones beneath a stack of magazines. The foam around the ears had cracked slightly, but the cable was intact. He asked whether they still worked, and Juno told him there was only one way to find out. He plugged them into the stereo, lowered the volume first and handed them over. The headphones were too large, settling awkwardly against the sides of Andre's head, but he held them in place while Juno chose a record and lowered the needle. Andre's expression changed almost immediately. He did not grin or call out. Instead his eyes moved toward the speakers, then back to Juno, puzzled by the fact that the sound seemed to occupy a private space around him rather than the room. Juno sat beside him and asked what he could hear. Andre identified the drums first, then the bass. After another moment he touched the right earcup and said something was happening over there. Juno explained that the guitar had been placed to one side of the stereo image. Andre frowned, listening harder, and said it sounded far away. "That's where they put it," Juno explained. Andre asked who "they" were, and Juno began explaining mixing in the simplest practical terms he could manage without reducing it to nonsense.

Sofia came over and tried to pull one side of the headphones away from Andre. He turned his head and said no, more sharply than he needed to. Juno lifted Sofia onto his lap before the disagreement could grow, telling her that she would have a turn when the track finished. She leaned against his chest with the wooden spoon still in one hand and watched her brother listening. When the song ended, Andre removed the headphones slowly and asked if he could hear another one. Juno told him to choose something himself. Andre looked at the shelves, where most of the titles meant nothing to him, and eventually selected a record because he liked the picture on the cover. Juno inspected it, put it on and let him listen. This one opened with voices before the instruments entered, and Andre tilted his head slightly as he tried to separate the sounds.

Organisation stopped for nearly half an hour. Juno sat on the floor with Sofia against him while Andre listened to fragments of several records. When Sofia's turn finally came, she held the oversized headphones against her ears with both hands while Juno steadied them from behind. She listened for less than a minute before pulling them off and declaring them "too big," after which she placed them carefully on the stuffed rabbit's head. Monica appeared in the doorway during this experiment and asked whether they were still supposed to be making room for the baby. Juno replied that this was educational. Monica looked at Andre, then at the rabbit wearing headphones, and asked what precisely Sofia was learning. "Acoustics," Juno said. Monica laughed, came into the room and eased herself onto the couch. "Play something for everybody, then," she said. Juno chose a record almost at random, turned the speakers back on and kept the volume low enough that the music settled into the room rather than taking it over.

The work resumed without any particular urgency. Andre relabelled sections of the equipment case under Juno's supervision. Sofia arranged her plastic animals along the coffee table. Monica folded a tiny yellow shirt and smoothed it between her hands before adding it to the pile beside her. Juno sorted adapters into small bags, threw away several lengths of wire that had survived purely through inertia and found a connector he had once considered irreplaceable sitting beside three newer replacements. The room changed slowly around them. It did not become spare or orderly in any magazine sense, but walking through it no longer required stepping over temporary stacks. The couch returned to its normal position. Records went back against the wall in tighter groups. The cable case closed without Juno having to press down on the lid. Children's books returned to the lower shelf. Sofia waited until he finished arranging her toys before immediately moving two horses and a plastic dog somewhere else.

By four o'clock the January light had faded enough for Monica to switch on the lamp beside the couch. The room turned warmer under it, the shelves and wooden furniture taking on the amber cast that made winter evenings inside feel more enclosed. Andre sat cross-legged on the floor with an old label maker Juno had found in a drawer and asked what he should call the first compartment. Juno told him "short mic cables." Andre typed the words carefully, pressed the mechanism and produced a strip whose lettering was straight but whose placement on the case was not. Juno watched him smooth the crooked label with his thumb and resisted the impulse to correct it. He simply said, "Good," and Andre visibly brightened.

Sofia arrived carrying one of the plastic horses and slipped it into the cable case before Juno could close the lid. Andre removed it immediately and informed her that it did not belong there. Sofia took it back and said that it did. Andre explained that they had spent all day sorting the case and that animals belonged on the shelf. Sofia listened, then put the horse back. Andre looked to Juno for authority. Juno raised his hands and told them to settle it between themselves. This was clearly not the answer Andre wanted. He removed the horse again and closed the case quickly, whereupon Sofia carried it to the record shelf and wedged it upright between two sleeves instead. Andre inhaled sharply and began, "Dad—" but Juno touched his shoulder and said, "Leave it." Andre protested that it was in the wrong place. Juno told him there would always be something in the wrong place. Andre stared at the horse, deeply unconvinced by this philosophy, while Monica watched from the couch with her tea and smiled.

Later, when the children had gone upstairs to wash before dinner, Juno stood alone in the front room for the first time all day and studied what they had actually accomplished. The changes were modest enough that a stranger would probably have noticed none of them. The furniture stood where it usually stood. Records still filled the wall. Toys remained visible. A basket of laundry waited near the stairs. One of Sofia's crayons lay beneath the coffee table. Juno bent down, picked it up and held it for a moment. His first instinct was to put it into the box with the others. Instead he placed it on top of the table where she would see it later.

Monica came downstairs slowly, keeping one hand on the banister, and Juno asked about her back before she had reached the bottom. She told him it was fine in a tone that meant it would be fine once she stopped standing. He offered to help, but she waved him off and crossed the room under her own power before lowering herself onto the couch. She looked toward the wall where his abandoned pencil mark still showed faintly and said she was impressed he had not touched it. Juno replied that he possessed discipline. Monica looked at him for several seconds until he laughed and sat beside her. Upstairs, water ran in the bathroom. Andre could be heard telling Sofia not to splash. A moment later came the unmistakable sound of Sofia splashing anyway.

Juno leaned forward with his forearms on his knees and admitted that they would eventually need more room. Monica said, "Probably," without sounding concerned. Juno told her he had been trying to get ahead of it, and she answered that she knew. For a few moments he looked around the room without speaking, then confessed that he kept thinking there must be some arrangement that would make everything fit properly: the children, his work, the records, baby things, friends, all of it. Monica turned her head and said there would not be. Juno smiled faintly at how quickly she answered. She reminded him that there had not really been enough room since Andre learned to walk, and yet somehow they had continued fitting. Then she placed one hand over his and told him, "You're allowed to have a crowded house."

The words settled more deeply than Juno expected. He had not realised how much of the day's urgency came from treating crowdedness as evidence that he was unprepared. Somewhere in the process of waiting for another child, he had begun imagining space as a measure of responsibility. If everything had a shelf, if every cable was coiled and every record stood upright, then perhaps the house would somehow certify that he and Monica were ready. Yet the place had always exceeded whatever arrangement they gave it. Music wandered into the kitchen. Toys reached the hall. Friends filled rooms without enough chairs. Andre's school papers migrated beneath the telephone. Sofia's animals invaded the stereo shelves. Monica's sewing sat beside Juno's records. Nothing remained where it belonged for long because everybody living there kept using it.

Sofia began laughing upstairs, followed immediately by Andre shouting for Monica. Monica closed her eyes for a moment. Juno squeezed her hand, stood and said he would go. He had reached the foot of the stairs before he stopped and glanced toward the upper landing. "There is one wall upstairs that could take a shelf," he said. Monica opened one eye and answered, "Juno." He assured her he was only thinking, and she told him to go deal with his children before he designed an extension to the house. He went upstairs smiling.

Twenty minutes later Sofia was in clean pajamas, Andre had reluctantly abandoned his attempt to explain the rules of bathwater to a three-year-old and Monica had moved into the dining room to finish dinner. Juno put on another record before joining them, something quiet enough that conversation would not need to compete with it. Andre came downstairs and immediately asked which record it was. Juno told him, and Andre repeated the name softly to himself as though storing it for later. Sofia climbed into her chair and began arranging peas one by one along the rim of her plate. Monica noticed, looked at Juno and then deliberately returned to her own food. Juno followed her example.

The baby clothes still occupied one end of the dining table, so all four of them had to sit closer together than usual. Juno's elbow touched Andre's whenever either reached for bread. Monica moved the basket twice to make enough room for Sofia's cup. A stack of folded blankets prevented anybody from using the spare chair. By any practical measure, the room was less convenient than it had been before Juno started organising that morning, and several of the things he had meant to move were still exactly where they had been. He looked around at Monica, Andre and Sofia squeezed together beneath the warm kitchen light, heard the record playing through the open doorway and let the crowded table remain crowded.