Chapter Text
Reid thought about what Gideon had said. Turned it over and over again in his head trying to understand. Trying to understand why he couldn’t just be okay with it, the concept was simple. As clean cut as it could get and yet Spencer found it incredibly difficult to even entertain such an idea as cuffing Nathan.
The idea that they cross paths and this time he really will be the one to have committed terrible crimes against innocent people.
Nathan clearly didn’t want to hurt anybody, he willing tried to get help. Tried to stop himself, he was willing to die to keep people safe from himself.
Nathan was just a kid, he shouldn’t have to worry about seeing himself as a monster or being scared by what images and compulsions his own mind plagues him with that he wants nothing to do with. But he has to deal with or anyway because no matter how smart, or sweet, or young a person is you can never escape your own thoughts.
Something Spencer learned very early on. So it kills him, eats up inside—that he can’t help this kid more. He doesn’t know why he can’t stop thinking about the case.
In his time at the BAU he’s frankly, seen and read, considerably more horrific situations. All of his other cases that involved kids (a depressing number) he had never once felt so strongly about one. Of course he cares for these kids, they’ve been through and seen horrible things that have left with scars that will never heal.
They scab over and peel, but the skin there will always have a different texture, discolored and sensitive with jagged edges of tissue that somehow will still feel raw despite the time that’s passed.
He can relate to many of the child victims and every so often he has the urge to taken them back with him to Virginia and wrap them up tightly in a blanket until they forget what they’ve seen.
Even after his resolution to never have them himself for fear he may pass down one of the many mental health issues that he spends every waking moment at the back of his wondering whether it’ll claim him too. He would never risk that.
It’s one of the many things that remind him why he cannot take care of the far too often displaced children he comes across.
But it just won’t work with Nathan.
It’s been months, since they’d closed that case. And yet the image of Nathan being carted away into an ambulance the doors slamming shut behind him with a startling sense of finality while his blood still felt warm against Spencer’s hands where it trickled down his fingers into nails pooling there, staining them before ever touching the ground.
It still plays in his mind everyday, he still wonders about how Nathan’s doing,did he get the help he needs? Does he still think of himself as a monster?
Maybe that’s why he picked up the phone.
Reid had just gotten home from working a case and had collapsed into his bed before even changing out of the close he wore on the plane when he’d felt his phone vibrate from where it was in his pocket.
Despite being dead tired, and very ready to ignore what was most likely just a spam call he sighed and clicked the answer button anyway.
“Hello?” Spencer did his very best to sound awake. “Hi, is this…Dr.Reid?” Spencer sat up alert immediately, it couldn’t be who he knew it was on the other side of that line. It was stupid to get his hopes up, it was probably just someone with a similar voice.
“Nathan? Is that you?” There was a shaky exhale that sounded grainy through the phone’s speaker “Um, yeah, it is.”
Reid was at a loss for words, and based on the silence other than some more nervous breathing Nathan was too. “Sorry for bothering you, I know it’s late and- and that you’re busy.”
“No, it’s alright—I’m just at home right now.”
“Oh, okay then. Sorry still though.”
“It’s fine.”
Neither spoke for a while, and Reid’s clock just kept ticking on by.
Reid sucked in a breath, “Nathan why did you call me? Do you need help? Did you do something…you regret-“
“No!” Reid was almost shocked by how clear the word came through, it was as if the boy was right in front of him.
“I’m sorry for shouting just-,” The crack in his voice sounded weak in comparison to just a few seconds ago “No, that’s-that’s not why I’m calling.”
Reid nodded slowly even though Nathan couldn’t see him and made sure to make his voice as gentle as possible.
“Okay, do you need help then? For a different reason I mean.”
It was quiet for a moment, Reid almost thought Nathan had hung up despite not hearing the line go dead.
“Um my-my mom was supposed to come get me this afternoon the uh hospital they- they released me today and I waited for her there for a while.” Nathan swallowed thickly as he said the next part.
“Before I realized she wasn’t coming, and I didn’t- I didn’t know who else to call so I used the number on your card.” The fear in Nathan’s voice echoed within in Spencer, it ricocheted in his head and settled in an indescribable feeling that sat heavy in his chest.
Reid stood up, already walking back to his front door barely stopping to put on and tie his shoes.
“Tell me where you are now.”
He was out the door with his keys in hand before Nathan even finished giving him the street name.
-
Spencer drove nervously looking around for any indication of Nathan’s small frame, it was extremely late at this point. Too late for a 15 year old to be standing on a corner by himself. He would’ve preferred to stay on the phone with Nathan but his battery ran out as soon as Spencer had started the car.
He was getting nervous at this point, he’s close to where Nathan said he’d be waiting but he’s not seeing him.
He tries to calm his nerves by saying it was just dark or that Nathan moved to another place less out in the open, he was smart kid.
He couldn’t fully silence the voice in the back of his head that knew there was a chance Nathan had wandered into a back alley with a woman trying to make ends meet anyway way she could.
The voice went quiet when he spotted Nathan sitting at bus stop just a little closer to a lamppost.
Spencer pulled up slowly and watched as Nathan tensed up before his shoulders fell and he visibly relaxed once Spencer’s face came into view under the warm light. Spencer leaned over and opened the door for the kid putting a smile on his face.
Nathan somehow scurried over yet walked slow and cautious at the same time. He didn’t say anything until they pulled off and Reid had turned down two corners.
He looked straight ahead as he spoke, not sparring a glance towards Spencer.
“Thank you.” It was quiet and sounded sincere. Spencer believed Nathan meant it with every fiber of his bring even though it was such a simple statement.
“You’re welcome.”
The rest of the ride was silent.
-
Spencer parked with a sigh, he looked over at Nathan and he was still wide awake. Reid frowned, the bags under Nathan’s eyes were deep and his exhaustion was clear in the short walk he made from the bench to the car.
He’d been checking periodically during the ride back to see if Nathan was sleeping but less than halfway through he’d turned to face the window and Reid couldn’t tell.
He hopes he sleeps once he gets into the apartment.
They’re walking up the stairs as Spencer realizes Nathan said he’d been released this afternoon, Reo’s glanced at his watch.
It was 1:30 in the morning, he’d been waiting all that time? What was he doing the whole day? He couldn’t have been waiting at the bus stop that entire time. Had he eaten anything in the most likely 13-14 hours he’d been out?
Reid wouldn’t question him tonight, Spencer honestly just wanted to get the boy to sleep and deal with everything else in the morning and pray to god no one would call him at four in the morning asking him to come in.
Well, he was going to ask one non-invasive question.
When Spencer closed the door and locked it behind him he saw Nathan standing there in the entryway not really knowing what to do with himself.
“Nathan,” The boy looked up drifting between looking Spencer in his eyes and staring at his nose “have you eaten at all today?”
Nathan starts picking at his nail folds, he’s not looking at Spencer anymore staring back down at his feet again.
“You’re not in trouble, I just wanted to know.”
“U-uh no, I spent the day at the library and I only left when they closed at like 11:30. Then I um, I was trying to decide if I should call you or not.”
“Nathan that’s at least 10 hours of you not eating anything.”
Nathan swallowed and just picked at his nail folds faster. Reid narrowed his eyes, that was new. He wouldn’t say anything about it for now but he’d save the information for tomorrow.
“Do you wanna eat something really quick? Actually, you kinda need to eat something but I promise you can go to bed after.”
“If you think I need to.”
Spencer groaned internally at the response deciding he should eat because Reid thinks he should, should absolutely not be Nathan’s main reason for eating.
Spencer had left Nathan at his kitchen table and frowned looking into his fridge.
Yikes, he really needed to go grocery shopping. Luckily though he had some leftover Kraft Mac and Cheese that could just be thrown in the microwave.
He heated it up, brought it to Nathan and he said thank you so genuinely that it kind of broke Spencer’s heart a little when he did.
Nathan didn’t really eat a substantial amount of the Mac and cheese he ate maybe all of 6 bites and that was counting a fork full with 4 noddles on it.
But Nathan looked like he might slump over, fall face first into his noodles and stay like that. So Spencer took the fork (that hadn’t moved to take a bite in 3 minutes) out of Nathan’s very loose grip—wrapped that Mac and cheese up and led Nathan to his guest bedroom.
He gave Nathan some of his clothes he was hoping fit him a little bit if big on him so that he had a choice at least between the clothes he’d been out in all day and something else and yeah he left the door cracked a little in case Nathan needed anything.
Spencer finally climbed back into his bed just about ready to close his eyes and sleep forever wondering what the hell was his evening and what was his morning going to look like?
Wait did he technically just kidnap a child?