Archive of Our Own

Stelle hadn’t exactly started out with the most humble opinion of herself, but she could still fully admit that she was deeply lacking in personal experience and knowledge of the world. She assumed it came with being an artificial body created for a singular purpose and then given amnesia to boot.

Not that the Stellaron Hunters loved her any less because of it. Silver Wolf would probably hack the bank accounts of anyone who dared to imply otherwise, and Blade was… getting better? It wasn’t important, and she was getting off-topic again. The point was, Stelle knew she was currently so far out of her element that she might as well be in another galaxy entirely.

“I can hear you thinking.”

Startled, Stelle’s gaze snaps over to Nihilux, who is sitting across from her at the restaurant table. What do you even say after someone you thought you knew turns out to be an Aeon?

“It has been a very long day,” Stelle mutters, watching as Nihilux reaches a fork across the table to steal one of the small fruit cakes off her plate. She swallows it whole and closes her eyes briefly, savoring the taste, before one eye lazily cracks back open.

“Just one?” Nihilux returns, her lips curving up in obvious amusement.

Grimacing, Stelle slumps over the table and rubs her forehead wearily with one hand, while Nihilux takes the opportunity to steal another mini cake off her plate. The IPC vote was over, and she had confirmation that her friends were safe, which meant all the energy, anger, and adrenaline she had been running on recently was draining away, leaving a profound exhaustion in its place. Unfortunately, she can’t afford to just put her head down and take a nap, not after that revelation Nihilux just dropped on her.

Movement catches Stelle’s attention from the corner of her gaze, and she snaps her hand out without even looking, poking Nihilux’s hand with a fork as she reaches across the table again for another cake.

“Hey!” Nihilux objects, pulling her hand back and sticking her lip out in a pout.

“Do you even need to eat?” Stelle counters, moving her plate of mini cakes out of reach. Nihilux gasps dramatically and presses a hand to her chest.

“Are you denying me the elation of a delicious treat at the IPC’s expense?” Nihilux asks in mock horror. Stelle can’t help the way her lips twitch up into a smile, and with a roll of her eyes, she pushes the plate to the middle of the table. It’s not like they can’t get more. Together they eat in silence for a bit, with Nihilux ordering more and Stelle quietly sorting through her thoughts.

“I’ve been wondering why Aha… why you didn’t do more to intervene in the games as things kept getting worse and more complicated,” Stelle finally says aloud, spinning the last cake around on her fork as Nihilux watches silently. “But that’s not really accurate, is it? You answered me when we needed help fighting back against Sparxie. Evanescia intervened directly to aid us as much as she could, even breaking your rules in order to do so. Not to mention Fluffy Across the Blue, a hit manga and media storm that’s raging right as we arrive in Planarcadia. All that attention and love for the series was pure wishpower, fueling us and giving us the backing we need right as the Games began and right when we needed that support it the most in order to stop those trying to derail the Games,” Stelle says, her eyes searching Nihilux’s for answers.

“And what else…?” Nihilux asks leadingly. Stelle pauses, the last fruit filled cake halfway in her mouth already.

“Whurgh?” Stelle tries to say around a mouthful of her dessert.

“What else did you see through the windows as the Express was making a glorious escape off Planarcadia and away from the hungry maw of Voracity…?” Nihilux presses leaning forward, eyes sparkling. Stelle stares back silently until Nihilux’s expression collapses in dismay. “You seriously didn’t see it?” she demands, her voice rising shrilly. Swallowing her cake, Stelle frowns.

“See what?” she insists, only for Nihilux to groan and throw herself back in her chair.

“Akiviliiiii,” Nihilux whines, sounding genuinely distressed. Flushing, Stelle quickly tries to defend herself.

“Hey! I was a little busy at the time trying not to die!” Stelle insists as Nihilux pouts at her like a child who was just told they have to stop playing and go to bed early.

“I flick the moon across space like it’s nothing all in order to save the Astral Express, and none of you even appreciates it,” Nihilux grumbles under her breath while looking extremely put upon.

“Well, the Conductor mentioned seeing a giant hand or something,” Stelle offers helpfully, but the look Nihilux gives her clearly states that’s not nearly enough to soothe her wounded ego. Somehow the Aeon of Elation acting like a petulant child is far less surprising than it probably should be. Sighing heavily, Stelle tries again. “I promise you will have my full attention the next time you do something appropriately dramatic. Better?” she asks, only to receive a sidelong look that clearly communicates that it will do for now.

“I’m holding you to that,” Nihilux says, making it sound like a threat. “And to answer your unspoken question about my intervention…” she pauses, and her gaze sharpens. “Let’s just say that the full attention of an Aeon is not something to take, or wish for, lightly,” she says, her voice thick with warning.

Biting her lip, Stelle thinks about that. The fully awakened Evanescia was ready to just snap a few hundred thousand people permanently out of existence in order to preserve the Phantasmoon Games and keep it going, causing Stelle to plead for just three minutes in order to make a difference. Then there was their escape from Planarcadia. According to Nihilux and Pom Pom, Aha THEMSELF appeared and flicked the moon like it was nothing. Even news reports were showing the moon had smashed into the planet and been shoved straight into one of the many maws of the Voracity. If THEY could do that just to help the Astral Express escape from danger, what might THEY be capable of if THEY wanted to get seriously involved?

“Like Lan,” Stelle whispers, her mouth going dry at the implications. “Even THEIR worshipers pray for the Reignbow Arbiter’s gaze not to turn towards them during times of crisis,” she says, recalling what Ashveil said during the crisis with Shuhu. Nihilux screws her face up at that comparison.

“Okay, wow, let’s not be quite that dramatic,” Nihilux quickly insists. “It’s not like I’m gonna blow up a planet or something,” she counters. Stelle reaches for a treat the server brought, a candied ball on a stick molded into the shape of the Phantasmoon. Staring Nihilux dead in the eyes, she bites into it.

Wow, the moon really is made of cheese after all, Stelle thinks to herself as the taste of sweetened cream cheese and marshmallow fills her mouth. She makes a mental note to grab another one later and give it to Nihilux while making that joke to see if she can get a smile out of her.

“That doesn’t count!” Nihilux swiftly asserts.

“Then how about the time your laugh tore through the fabric of the universe? I literally reached my hand into the Echo of Proverbial Laughter and pulled something out of it. So you can’t tell me that wasn’t real, even if the story behind it is iffy,” Stelle reminds her. She even raises an eyebrow questioningly. Nihilux grimaces and fidgets, looking downright uncomfortable.

“That’s… that was… ugh, yes, fine. Even my laughter as a fully realized Aeon can have an effect that ripples across the universe. Think of the power Emanators have, or the power boost you’ve gotten just from attracting the Gaze and acknowledgement of different Aeons,” Nihilux points out. “No mortal can handle the full and direct weight of what an Aeon does, not even if that act was unintentional. So, to intervene on purpose? No Aeon that truly cares about mortals in any sense of the word would do such a thing heedlessly,” Nihilux says with the utmost gravity.

Fully realized…? Stelle wonders, but she keeps the question to herself for now. Then another thought hit her.

“People keep calling me ‘Akivili’ and Asat Pramad said that while I’m not THEM, the Path is responding to me. So could I…? Are my friends…?” Stelle hesitates, not sure how to say it or if she even wants to put it into words. She grips her chest tightly as her words trail off. Nihilux’s piercing gaze softens immensely at those unspoken questions.

“Don’t worry, little raccoon. You are a long way off from being that kind of danger to anyone, including your friends,” Nihilux murmurs gently. “But you should think seriously about the power you carry. It can do amazing things for you, but its very existence is often dangerous to others. Never use it lightly,” she warns, and Stelle nods, silently taking those words to heart.

“I won’t, I promise,” Stelle vows before adding, “so what does that mean for me? Power abhors a vacuum, and a Path without an Aeon will either be absorbed by another or find a replacement, right?”

“Eh, more or less,” Nihilux agrees with a wave of her hand.

“So if I do one day ascend to become the Aeon of Trailblaze, would I still be… me? Or is who I am now… I don’t know, destined to be subsumed by Akivili?” Stelle asks carefully. It’s hard to make sense of it all, so why not ask someone who knows? This is her chance to get definitive answers!

Nihilux hums at that and pops a chocolate into her mouth, thinking for a moment before replying.

“You’ll still be you, but you’ll also be Akivili, but the new Akivili, not the previous Akivili, but you’ll also know and feel everything they were before you ascended so technically you will be the old Akivili!” Nihilux passionately explains. Stelle stares at her and Nihilux smiles brightly. Stelle quietly pushes back from the table and stands up.

“That’s it, I’m telling the IPC you’re skipping out on your manga pages again,” Stelle threatens as she turned to go.

“No! Anything but that! Come on, I’m being serious here!” Nihilux wails, launching herself across the table to grab Stelle’s in order to stop her.

“You’ve got to give me more to go on,” Stelle complains as she pushes at Nihilux’s arms around her waist, but she refuses to budge.

“Fine! Fine! Just don’t rat me out, I’m not ready to go yet!” Nihilux pleads while Stelle finally gets her to loosen her death grip. Crossing her arms, Stelle collapses back into the chair and waits.

“Geez, you really haven’t changed a bit, have you, Akivili?” Nihilux complains, prompting an even deeper scowl from Stelle. “Chill out, I’m getting there!” she insists. Straightening her coat, she clears her throat and launches into her explanation.

“Let’s say that a Path is like a road, or the Silver Rail itself. Parts of it may be unused or even abandoned, but the road itself doesn’t just disappear, right?” Nihilux asks, and Stelle nods reluctantly, not fully convinced of the comparison. “Likewise, walking on that road involves more than just believing in the Path’s philosophy. Wanting to visit the stars isn’t enough to be a Trailblazer, just like being smart doesn’t automatically make you a Pathstrider of Erudition. So what is the Trailblaze?” she presses. Stelle frowns and looks out the window, pondering that question.

“It’s not a specific place or thing. Himeko once said that every Nameless has a different destination, even if we are all on the same Path. We honor those who walked before us, but we don’t just stick to the same roads they did or the ones they made. A Trailblazer forges their own path ahead through the unknown whenever necessary. We aren’t stopped because there’s no guidebook to follow and no map to look at. We make our own road ahead, even if we aren’t entirely sure where it leads,” Stelle says passionately, prompting an approving nod from Nihilux.

“Just like you did with Amphoreus,” Nihilux gently prompts. “You could have just left and gone back to the stars, or tried to anyway. It wasn’t your fight or your problem. Not from what you knew after you first landed, I mean,” she adds. Stelle’s fingers twitch even though she knows that the original As I’ve Written and the world within it is still perfectly safe on the Express. She even got Silver Wolf to add some trackers and special digital alarms just in case.

“We could have tried,” Stelle admits, “but that’s not Trailblazing. Following a new path or making one, even if you aren’t sure where it leads… that’s Trailblazing, and that’s what being a Pathstrider of the Trailblaze means,” she says firmly. Silence falls between them, and Nihilux doesn’t break it as Stelle sits with that information. She pushes a cream soda over, and Stelle takes it, sipping on it as she thinks.

“Being a Pathstrider is an action, not a feeling,” Stelle finally states, “and not just one step, but many. A series and pattern of actions that align with the Path’s philosophy. So if that holds true for a Pathstrider then…” she trails off, and Nihilux gives a small, encouraging smile. Emboldened, Stelle continues. “Then the same must be true for an Aeon. Just following the Path of the Trailblaze isn’t enough, or there would already be another Akivili. Someone would have to truly embody what it means to be THEM and fully believe and follow THEIR philosophy in order to ascend to the place THEY once had,” she declares with a touch of uncertainty at the end.

Nihilux makes a show of clapping at those words.

“See? You sell yourself too short sometimes, little raccoon. You’re just as brilliant as I remember,” Nihilux teases fondly, and her approval makes Stelle’s cheeks heat up, a warmth spreading in her chest. It’s not every day you get a compliment from an Aeon, after all. “The Path is responding because at your very core, you are everything THEY were and everything the philosophy of the Trailblaze is,” she explains, and something in those words snags in Stelle’s mind. But she can’t put a finger on why, so she lets it go for now.

“That makes sense, but what about the whole ‘you are the old Akivili, but not really thing’? How does that even work?” Stelle asks and Nihilux beams with delight.

“I’m so glad you asked, little raccoon! The answer is… it depends on your point of view,” Nihilux says with a great flourish. Stelle stares at her. Nihilux’s smile stays plastered in place. Stelle slowly starts scowling again. “All right! All right! By my own Ascension you’re touchy,” she grumbles. “Unfortunately, that is the genuine answer. Aeon’s don’t die, we change and adapt. For us, death is more like stasis, not conscious or unconscious, aware or unaware, just there,” she says in more detail.

Stelle chews that over in her mind for a moment.

“In Penacony, Sunny… uh, Sunday’s plan almost resulted in him reviving The Order, but if he had succeeded, would he really have become Ena? Or would the original Ena have been revived and become him? Or would they essentially be the same person no matter how you look at it?” Stelle says slowly. Not to mention that once that idea failed, Sunday then attempted to become the Aeon of his own, brand new path instead. She isn’t really expecting a straight answer, and as she thought, Nihilux doesn’t reply. Grabbing a clean spoon, Nihilux skims the whipped cream off some cake Stelle took a tiny bite of and didn’t like.

“What if one day Lady Bonajade died, and another was chosen to take the place of ‘Jade’ among the Ten Stonehearts?” Nihilux begins. “And that person knew everything the original did, felt everything they did, and is so similar that even their mannerisms and personal interests are the same? They are, at their core, so fundamentally similar that it is nearly impossible to tell them apart. Logically, you know this person is not the one who was, but how would you feel emotionally if you met this new Jade?” Nihilux asks pointedly. Stelle opens her mouth, but then hesitates and shuts it again.

“Once your memory was wiped by Kafka, you ceased to be the person they once knew, but at the same time, who you are at your core is so unchangeable that you are still that same person even if you don’t remember all of what happened and they still love you just the same,” Nihilux adds.

“That’s... it’s not…” Stelle fumbles. Those two situations aren’t the same, and neither is getting amnesia, but she also can’t really articulate why she feels that way, especially when she does, mostly, understand the larger point Nihilux is trying to make. Mostly, it just makes her miss Kafka again.

“I need to think about this for a bit. Maybe this is something that mortals just aren’t meant to fully understand,” Stelle admits with a wince.

“Take all the time you need. I know this is a lot for you. Now, what else do you want to know? I’m an open book,” Nihilux prompts, lounging casually in her chair. Stelle has some serious doubts about that last statement, but there is one more question she’s dying to know about, one that hovers unspoken between them. A history that was impossible not to know about after landing in Planarcadia. A history written on an IOU for damages to the Astral Express that is still crumpled up in her pocket.

What were you to Akivili? And what does that make me?

Stelle has seen the theories, read through the forums of people passionately arguing their side back and forth. Heck, she’s even seen the romance stories and THEIR ship name! Not that she bought any, or read them. Okay, maybe she read them. Perhaps, while scrolling the local network of Planarcadia, she had come across a disturbingly extensive collection of Aha x Akivili fanfiction and perused a few. Purely out of academic curiosity, of course. But reading someone’s story online was worlds apart from sitting across from the Aeon THEMSELF and wondering if you were on the way to becoming… who exactly? An old friend? A friendly rival? A dead lover that The Laughter has been aching to see again? Just thinking it makes Stelle’s cheeks burn with a blush, and a smirk slowly crawls across Nihilux’s lips at the sight.

“Thinking about anything in particular? ‘Akivili?’” Nihilux purrs, fixing her with a captivating, enticing stare that is hard to look away from. The way she says that name pulls on something deep in Stelle’s chest in a way that no one else has. Pulling at the collar of her coat, Stelle clears her throat and fights back the blush on her face.

“Did you really laugh at a baby falling to the ground?” Stelle blurts out before her mouth can run away with her and ask what she’s really wondering about. Nihilux raises an eyebrow and looks away, scratching her cheek idly with one finger.

“How do you know that was me? Maybe it was the original Aha, and I’m just a successor?” Nihilux defends. Oh no, she was not getting off that easily.

“Didn’t you just say that Aeons don’t die like mortals do? They just change?” Stelle counters, leaning forward on the table. Nihilux blanches and opens her mouth, then closes it, finally just making a face.

“Ugh, that’s just playing dirty. Fine, it was a couple in a park and the kid kept trying to climb on something. The dad told them they were going to fall and asked them to stop once, then twice, then finally just sat there watching as the kid, a toddler really, did it again and then went crashing to the ground as expected and started crying. The dad made a whole teaching moment out of it. This is why we listen the first time, consequences of our actions, blah blah blah,” Nihilux explains, waving a hand dismissively.

“It wasn’t funny because the kid fell, it was funny because it was a reminder that life goes on and those moments were worth having, even if everything else seems pointless. Countless generations of people would live and die and be born without ever seeing that same sight and without ever knowing what Finality even is. They would live, love, laugh, and experience the deepest pleasures and the worst pain. And when that final end came at last? People would defy it with everything they had for no other reason than that the joy of life is worth having even when it brings pain along with it,” Nihilux concludes passionately, leaning forward on the table as she speaks. Settling back, she clears her throat and flips and hand through her hair.

“It, uh… seemed profound at the time, but whatever. I was young and foolish back then anyway,” Nihilux states, trying to wave it off dismissively, but Stelle can tell she’s embarrassed.

“And now you’re just old and foolish,” Stelle says without hesitation. The words escape her mouth before her brain can wrangle them back in. Dan Heng kept trying to warn her that some thoughts were “inside thoughts” and that she desperately needed to learn what they were. Stelle silently wonders if this is how her Trailblaze journey ends, by pissing off an Aeon to their very face.

Nihilux stares at her, and Stelle stares back, sweat slowly sliding down her spine. Nihilux’s face is unreadable long enough to make Selle squirm awkwardly from the silence. She’s frantically trying to figure out an apology when, finally, Nihilux’s expression cracks and a smile spreads across her face, followed by a chuckle, and then she throws her head back in outright laughter.

Guess I’m not dying today, Stelle thinks with great relief. She also quietly pledges to do better at maintaining her “inside thoughts” from now on. Giggling, Nihilux wipes a tear from her eye.

“Akivili and their Trailblazers always were the only ones willing to tease me like that,” Nihilux says with such nostalgic fondness that Stelle feels an ache in her chest at the sight of her sad smile. It’s impossible not to notice that Nihilux doesn’t refer to THEM the way others do. When she speaks of Akivili it’s not as a divine figure, but something more personal. More akin to remembering a close friend and equal than a higher being set apart from yourself. It nudges her conscience and finally allows her to summon the courage to ask the question she initially tried to avoid.

“Nihilux…Aha…” Stelle fumbles and picks at a stray sprinkle on her plate with a fingernail. “You and Akivili… were you… were we.. was I…? I mean… I know the stories, not that I’m asking that. I mean, I guess I am asking that, but I don’t need to know all the details, or any details! But I’m just… I guess it’s really none of my business anyway, so you don’t have to answer or anything, I just…”

“Akivili.”

The name, spoken so easily, as if calling an old friend, is what makes Stelle shut up. Nihilux is watching her, and for a moment, Stelle feels like she’s going to drown in the loneliness swimming behind those eyes. Then she blinks, and it’s gone.

“Have you ever visited the beaches here? Not as nice as the real thing, no matter how much the IPC may try to convince tourists otherwise, but I know the Astral Express has visited here before,” Nihilux asks suddenly.

“Uh… no. I don’t know about the others, but this is my first time coming here,” Stelle answers hesitantly. Nihilux nods and downs the last of her soda in one go before wiping her mouth and standing up.

“Why don’t we get out of here and find a nice beach then? I could use some air and a chance to walk off all those sweets,” Nihilux offers, but it’s impossible to read anything in her tone. Is she avoiding the question, or does she just need time to find the words? Either way, Stelle nods mutely and follows along as Nihilux leads the way.

—————-

“Quit looking so smug,” Nihilux says as she bites into the candy Phantasmoon she’s holding.

“Absolutely not. I refuse. How many people can say they got a laugh out of The Laughter THEMSELVES?” Stelle proudly declares, not bothering to hide the extra spring in her step. Nihilux rolls her eyes, but it doesn’t dampen the smile on her face.

“Looks like the moon really is made of cheese? It was a terrible joke,” Nihilux complains lightheartedly before taking another bite.

“Those are the best ones! Don’t act like you didn’t love it, I saw that smile!”

Nihilux laughs again, making Stelle grin in triumph. They’ve made a winding path from the restaurant down to the artificial beaches and along a fake boardwalk complete with food stalls.

“The IPC knows how to sell an illusion, at least. That doesn’t change no matter how many Amber Eras go by,” Nihilux notes. Finishing her candy, she tosses it in the trash.

“How many Amber Eras would that be exactly?” Stelle prods, tossing a piece of caramel popcorn in the air and catching it in her mouth.

“Ha! Nice try, but a lady never reveals her age,” Nihilux insists.

“What about an Aeon of indeterminate gender who has apparently taken many different faces over the years?” Stelle prompts, looking over at her hopefully. Nihilux cackles and tosses a wide grin over her shoulder.

“Ha! I appreciate the attempt, little raccoon, but that’s still a no,” Nihilux counters as she reaches over to snatch up some popcorn.

“Ah, well, it was worth a shot. March will be so disappointed when she hears the news,” Stelle says leadingly, but Nihilux doesn’t budge.

“I’ll make sure she gets some candid shots and close ups for her photo collection,” Nihilux offers instead.

“Oh, she’ll love that!” Stelle agrees. Tilting the popcorn slightly, she offers Nihilux some more. “So I know you’ve been on The Express before, but was it just to visit… or...” she asks leadingly.

“Sometimes I came just to visit and hang out with Akivili, and other times I would stay on as a Nameless. Seeing the cosmos through mortal eyes, or one’s close enough to that anyway. No set destination, nothing pressing I needed to do and nowhere I needed to be, just travelling the stars and causing the occasional chaos,” Nihilux answers, her expression melting back into that nostalgic fondness she had before.

“More than just a little, I’d say,” Stelle responds. Nihilux tilts her head curiously, and Stelle pulls out the crumpled IOU from her coat pocket. Nihilux takes it with a sparkle in her eyes.

“By my own ascension! I can’t believe this is still around! It was actually the broom incident that was the last straw and finally exposed who I was. ‘Akivili never gets into this kind of trouble on THEIR own!’ the Conductor insisted. ‘Allegedly,’ I tried to argue back, but they weren’t having it. I was promptly kicked off the Express and told I needed to pay my debts before coming back,” Nihilux explains with a soft chuckle.

“Did it work?” Stelle asks curiously and receives an immediate scoff in reply.

“Of course not, what kind of Aeon do you take me for? Besides, Akivili and I were in the middle of debating the best comedy movies of the past Amber Era, and there was no way I was missing movie night!” Nihilux says, holding up the paper like it’s a prize trophy. “I want to keep it so badly, but it kind of feels like it belongs with the Express now,” she says, handing it back. Stelle takes it and puts it back in her coat pocket.

“I think I’m gonna frame it and hang it on my wall, but you have to promise to come by once in a while to see it. Otherwise, you really will have to pay up,” Stelle warns her, and Nihilux grins.

“Guess I can’t say no to that now, can I?” Nihilux says with a wink that makes Stelle glow in victory. “Hey! We’re here!” she exclaims pointing ahead to an empty stretch of beach. The waves seem far larger than they were elsewhere, and there are signs posted saying not to go into the water until the wave generators are fixed. Nihilux crooks a finger at her to follow, and Stelle suddenly feels her mouth run dry. This was really happening, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to learn the answer. Still, she silently follows along until Nihilux stops at a spot just a short way out of the water’s reach.

“It even smells like a real beach,” Stelle notes as she inhales the fresh, salty air. She can barely resist the urge to take off her boots and socks and get closer so the water can wash over her feet. Her mind insists that this is how a beach smells and that it’s different from the shore in Seafield City, but it’s not as if she would know for certain. Has she ever been to the beach before? She’ll have to text Silver Wolf about it later. Stelle knows she loves being thought of and asked random questions about their time together, even if she gripes about how she always gets the silly questions and Kafka gets the serious and emotional ones.

“That’s what IPC money will get you,” Nihilux says lightly before turning to face her. Anxiety writhes in Stelle’s stomach again, and she faintly wishes she had skipped that last bag of popcorn. Nihilux sighs and stares off to the side.

“There’s… a lot I could say about Akivili, about who we were and what they meant to me, but that kind of relationship… any kind of relationship between Aeons isn’t something that can really be put into words. Much less when you…” Nihilux trails off, and Stelle can see her struggling.

“Aha,” Stelle says softly, drawing her attention and making Nihilux lift her eyes from the sand. “You don’t have to do this. I know I asked and all, but… my curiosity isn’t worth hurting you or reopening old wounds,” she states honestly, and that just makes Nihilux shake her head with a sad, breathy laugh. Her eyes shimmer and slowly fill with unshed tears, and Stelle can immediately tell that her attempt to comfort her only made the hurt she’s silently carrying around even worse.

“That’s just like you, Akivili, always worrying so much about everyone else,” Nihilux murmurs, and Stelle bites her tongue, wanting to say something, but worried about making it worse. Shaking her head, Nihilux steps closer to her and then takes another step into her personal space, observing her. When Stelle doesn’t respond, she shifts even closer.

“I can’t tell you what we… what Akivili and I were, but I can show you. If you like,” Nihilux murmurs softly. Stelle’s curiosity wars with her innate desire not to hurt Nihilux more than she already has with her ignorant questions.

“Only if you’re sure you want to go through with this, Aha,” Stelle finally answers. Nihilux’s eyes soften, and she slowly lifts her hands, leaving them hovering right next to Stelle’s head. Nihilux stares at her, giving her one last chance to say something, but Stelle just nods silently. Gently, Nihilux lets her hands rest on Stelle’s face, a thumb brushing her cheek.

“Eyes on me, don’t look away, I’ve got you, okay? If… when it gets to be too much for you to handle, just say ‘enough’ and I’ll pull you out. Otherwise my feelings could end up becoming too entangled with yours,” Nihilux warns. Stelle nods and once again feels herself falling into Aha’s gaze.

————————

Akivili peers over their hand of cards, watching Aha across from them through narrowed silver eyes. Aha tries a warm and welcoming smile, the kind this face was designed for, but Akivili merely scowls back. The Aeon of Trailblazer is also wearing a more masculine form, but he looks noticeably younger than they do. Not that Akivili looks old, Aeon’s no! More like he has gracefully aged into mature adulthood. Unlike Qlipoth. Aha half expects him to show up as a genuine fossil one of these days.

A snort of laughter escapes Aha at the mental image of clattering bones with Qlipoth’s voice, which makes Akivili’s scowl deepen while Qlipoth merely ignores it as usual.

“Suspicious one, aren’t you?” Qlipoth rumbles idly as they take four of their cards and place them down on the table to their right. Then they pick up a card from the middle that Akivili just discarded. Their current face is that of an old, distinguished gentleman with white hair and a full, but neatly trimmed beard. A suit jacket is thrown over the back of his chair. Akivili’s gaze darts down to Qilpoth’s arms, rippling with muscle as befitting the builder whose hammer rings in each new Amber Era. Glancing back up, Akivili tenses suddenly, every fiber of their being suddenly on high alert.

“Can I get you gentlemen something to drink?” one of the Nameless asks. What was her name again? J… something?

“It’s fine, Jaza,” Akivili says with a forced smile. A very pointed and fake, “nothing is wrong and I’m not worried,” smile. The woman scoffs and gives the Aeon a firm look.

“We have guests. If you won’t be polite, then I will be,” Jaza firmly states, giving them a warning glower.

“Do you have any brandy? Especially one made by the Vidyadara?” Aha asks before Akivili can try again to dissuade her.

“We do! Finely aged according to their strictest preservation methods!” Jaza says brightly. From the corner of his gaze, Aha can see Qlipoth’s hand twitch at those words, but he grabs another card from the deck instead to hide his interest.

“Get your young master here whatever he usually has, and don’t listen to his grumbling,” Aha continues.

“Hey!” Akivili protests.

“And I’ll take the funniest drink you have,” Aha grins. Jaza’s brow furrows.

“The funniest… oh! I know just the thing. Engine of Chaos! Our engineer came up with it and has been dying for someone to try it,” Jaza says eagerly, making Akivili groan as she hurries off.

“Not that one. You’re going to regret this,” Akivili warns.

“I sure hope so. Where’s the fun otherwise?” Aha counters. Scoffing, Akivili takes a card, discards two into the center, and then puts his hand face down in front of them.

The game is simple and involves taking and discarding cards until you have at least one matching set. Once you have a combo, you can set them off to the side and try getting more, or call it by placing the cards in front of you like Akivili just did. Now the rest of them must finish their turns and do the same. Whoever has the best combos and therefore the most points wins. Qlipoth hums, takes another card, discards one, and then sets his cards down along with a combo from earlier. Aha already has all he needs and simply places two cards down.

“The hammer, the wall, the iron, and the anvil. Plus the builder’s stairwell,” Qlipoth states, flipping the cards over. One stops other players’ points from exceeding a certain amount, and the others are a high value combination. Not bad at all.

“Not bad, but unfortunately not enough to beat the six cosmic dragons,” Akivili says, flipping his cards over with a flourish. Dragon cards cannot be affected by any point lowering effects. Looking smug, Akivili reaches for Qlipoth’s chips.

“Ah, ah, ah, not so fast,” Aha sings. Akivili pointedly looks down at the paltry two cards on the table, and Aha obligingly flips them over.

“The harlequin and the fool. I copy the highest combo you had during this round, and then your current hand becomes negative,” Aha grins. “I’ll just take these,” he adds, reaching across the table and gleefully taking both of their chips.

“That’s… that’s not… that can’t be in the rules!” Akivili sputters, looking at Qlipoth for confirmation.

“I learned long ago never to bet against The Laughter. A Fool they may be, but only the truly foolish would consider any Aeon to be inept,” Qlipoth says, completely unbothered.

“I’m back! One well aged and preserved brandy, a Cosmic Rail specialty for our young master, and one Engine of Chaos,” Jaza declares as she places the drinks in front of them. Akivili’s is a silver, glittery, something-or-other while Aha’s is a riot of colors. Qlipoth’s is the only drink that actually looks normal.

“My thanks, young lady,” Qlipoth acknowledges. He may be largely indifferent to individual humans, but far be it for The Preservation to be openly rude. That would just be unseemly now, wouldn’t it?

“Thank you, Jaza,” Akivili says, although his voice betrays his reluctance to have her so close. The Nameless are not aware that they are in the presence of more than just their own Aeon. Akivili, however, knows exactly who they are, and it’s just as clear that his desire to protect the Nameless is making him wary.

“Now before you drink that I should warn you to…” Akivili began only to be interrupted by Akivili grabbing the glass and chugging it all in one go, “take a small sip first,” he finishes with a heavy sigh.

“Were you really expecting someone of their stature to be careful?” Qlipoth scoffs, keeping his words tactful,while his tone makes Akivili grimace.

“Fair enough,” Akivili mutters. Qlipoth calmly gathers up the cards and shuffles them while Akivili watches Aha closely.

For a moment, nothing unusual happens. The drink has a delicate balance of richness and a slightly sweet and sour edge. Then the sweet and sour taste grows stronger. Exponentially stronger. Aha’s entire face puckers from the overwhelming flavor as his mouth’s salivation goes into overdrive and both flavors demand attention, overriding all other thoughts. It’s like his body got a sudden electric shock and he physically shudders. How fascinating! The sweetness fades, and the sour taste melts into a spicy burning sensation. Sweat beads and then pours from Aha’s face, his entire body sweltering in his clothes and soaking through in seconds. Simultaneously, a chill rushes in, adding a distinct minty feeling and distinct tingle on his tongue. It numbs and then eliminates the heat, but then crawls up into his head with a brain freeze as his teeth ache from the icy frost.

Clutching his head, Aha doubles over the table and waits for the brain freeze to pass. His tongue has lost all sensation, and his taste buds won’t recover for days. It’s perfect! Every Tavern needs one immediately! He must get the recipe!

“Um, are you… all right?” Akivili asks hesitantly. Qlipoth is so used to Aha’s antics by now that he doesn’t even spare a glance. Lifting his head, Aha wiggles every part of his face experimentally.

“Ah cun fee ah muh teef,” Aha slurs out, focusing intensely on the feeling of being distinctly aware of every individual tooth as he prods them all with his tongue.

“Perhaps we can get to the heart of the matter?” Qlipoth firmly insists, and Aha flaps a hand at him to continue even as he writes a note to Jaza asking for the drink recipe. She smiles in relief and goes off to get it for him.

“It has been quite a few Amber Eras since we were graced with the presence of a new Aeon. I seek to Preserve the cosmos from external threats and keep the worlds separate. While Aha takes a more… personal and individual approach to their interactions with mortals. The question is, who exactly are you? What is your Primum Mobile?” Qlipoth states, but his calm words aren’t enough to hide that he is demanding an answer. Not merely asking for one.

Akivili’s suspicion relaxes ever so slightly at that. It’s not like the Aeon of Trailblaze is all that new in town. Technically speaking, Akivili and their Nameless have been around for a few Amber Eras already. Clearly the Express is no threat in the way other Aeons have been, but the Silver Rail’s growing planetary and intergalactic connections have increasingly caught Qlipoth’s attention. Not every Aeon started out as a danger to the cosmos, after all.

“To make the unknown known. To create roads where there are none and discover the mysteries of the universe,” Akivili says, unable to hide the trace of wonder in his voice. Qlipoth is unimpressed and merely sips his brandy. Aha’s eyes slide over to Jaza at the bar counter. She’s just sadly staring down at a piece of paper. Let the old builder interrogate Akivili for a while. Aha felt it was easier to get a sense of an Aeon by looking to their most zealous followers. Both for good and bad. Sliding out of his chair, Aha leaves the other two Aeons to their posturing. Well, Akivili at least, Qlipoth is too old to be moved very much by some upstart.

Casually, walking over, Aha leans against the counter. It’s obvious she’s holding in a great deal of pain.

“You look like someone in desperate need of a good laugh,” Aha says gently. Jaza looks up and tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes, and Aha of all Aeon’s can tell a real smile from a fake one.

“I was thinking of my son. He was always going around at the speed of light, it felt like. Never had a moment to rest with him around. He grew up dreaming of the exploring the stars and learning more about them. Even before he could read, he had picture books about space and other worlds. Got a scholarship to study at a space station, and he was so excited. Finally got there and sent me messages all the time about how he was doing,” Jaza says with a faint smile.

“Then one day a research opportunity came up. He wanted to go, but it had been so long since he last visited, and his boss told him he was first in line for any future ones. So when he suggested maybe it would be better to come home to visit,” she stops and tears well up in her eyes. “He had been gone so long and worked so hard. What was the harm in being a little selfish and asking him to come visit me instead? “ she whispers.

“I’m sorry,” Aha says genuinely, already knowing what must have happened. Jaza nods and wipes at her tears with a napkin.

“There was no dedicated course from my planet to the station. No established spaceway like more influential planetary hubs had. We just weren’t important enough for that yet. Maybe in the next era we always joked back home. Another ship was traveling in that general direction and had to correct its course to avoid an asteroid. They never saw each other coming,” Jaza chokes out.

“Because no dedicated spaceway meant no intergalactic buoys. No alert systems demanding ships in the area state their current route so no one collides,” Aha says and Jaza nods, wiping at her eyes again.

“The only thing I got back was a small scrap of metal with a few letters on it. One word making up the ship’s name. The Nameless came a few years later and laid down the Silver Rail, properly connecting us with the stars for the first time… but by that point my ex husband was so bitter. He hated the very mention of them. All he could see was that they had come too late, but me? I saw an opportunity to see the stars my boy never had the chance to, and to help ensure that what happened to me didn’t have to happen to anyone else. Perhaps a bit too lofty an ideal, but I didn’t have a reason to stay anymore,” she adds with a soft laugh. “It just hits you all over again sometimes, you know? Even years later,” she confesses.

Aha glances over and sees Akivili still engaged in deep discussion with Qlipoth. No time like the present! Hopping over the counter, Aha cracks their knuckles and then leans forward with a grin.

“Well, you can’t have a sad backstory without a good drink! What does the lady want? Alcoholic? Non alcoholic? I don’t care, just let me forget all of this?” Aha asks with a wiggle of their eyebrows. This time Jaza gives a genuine laugh.

“You know what? I could use an excellent champagne. Who says it should only be used for parties and special celebrations?” Jaza insists with a wide smile, and Aha clutches his chest dramatically.

“Oh, a woman after my own heart!” Aha says, turning around, he grabs two glasses, finds the champagne and pours a generous amount for both of them.

“May the Silver Rail connect those once forgotten by the rest of the cosmos,” Jaza says, lifting her glass. Aha clinks his glass against hers and takes a sip. It’s mostly just a fizzy feeling since his taste buds are still gone from earlier, but Jaza looks a lot brighter now.

“So now that you’ve made it to the sea of stars, what’s something you want to see?” Aha asks, and Jaza thinks about that for a moment.

“I’ve heard of a world called Benzaitengoku, one of the many civilizations under the banner of Elation. A world of laughter and joy. I’m sure they have their own problems and issues, but… I used to watch recordings from the Theater of Fools, the grandest of all stages under The Laughter’s smile. Sometimes they did original plays, but the satirized versions of famous stories and historical events were always my favorite. After…” Jaza hesitates, her composure wavering again, “after I lost Trevar, those recordings were the only thing left that brought me any joy, that could help me forget my pain for just a little while. I would love to see one in person,” Jaza confesses.

An Aeon should never squeal with delight, but Aha comes very close in that moment.

“Say no more!” Aha grabs a cloth napkin and drapes it over his hand. He wiggles his fingers over it dramatically and whips the napkin off, revealing a fan of tickets that shimmer with a faint rainbow in the light. “Tickets to the performance of your choice at the Theater of Fools! This package offers the whole suite! A literal private suite, drinks, snacks, a full multi course dinner, even a spa and clothing rental to make you feel fancy,” Aha says, and Jaza’s eyes widen. She reaches a hand out with obvious longing before stopping.

“But those tickets… I’ve heard people say they must be a myth because of how rare they are! Not only do they get you into any showing, but they can be reused as well! I’ve heard even Aha THEMSELF couldn’t get them,” Jaza exclaims, not taking her eyes off the tickets. People actually said that? How rude.

“Jaza! Sorry for taking so long? How are you two doing?”

Aha looks up to see Akivili standing there, trying to pretend like he’s not anxiously checking to see if The Laughter has corrupted one of his Nameless or turned her into a gibbering fool or whatever the latest spooky story is that’s going around.

“Wonderful. Your new associate is absolutely delightful. I honestly feel lighter than I have in quite a while. It feels like ages since I’ve had a good laugh,” Jaza says honestly, and Akivili’s eyes soften.

“That’s wonderful to hear. I’m glad you two are getting along,” Akivili says, squeezing her hand before letting go.

He really does care about the Nameless, Aha considers. That’s one thing they have in common then, a shared love and affinity for mortal species. Maybe they will get along after all. Meanwhile, Aha takes Jaza’s hand and pushes the tickets into them.

“Now I don’t want to hear any excuses! These tickets are for you and the Nameless whenever you want to redeem them," Aha insists before she can object again, especially since it’s obvious just how badly she wants to go. Leaning in, he lowers his voice to a loud, conspiratorial whisper, “Just tell your fearless leader that THEY owe me a favor,” Aha says with a wink, and Jaza laughs with delight. Even Akivili smiles at that. Aha makes sure to add the slightest bit of stress on the pronoun since it’s common for Aeon’s not to use that kind of emphasis when talking to or about each other. One must maintain their cover after all.

“I certainly will, and… thank you for making me smile again,” Jaza says gratefully, patting him on the hand. Aha gives an exaggerated bow and hops out from behind the bar. Qlipoth is clearly heading out, so it’s time to make a graceful exit.

Akivili stops him just as they get to the door of the Party Car.

“You didn’t have to do that for her,” Akivili says quietly, but gratitude is written all over his face. At the bar, Jaza has pulled up a screen and is looking through upcoming screenings at the Theater of Fools. Aha gives him an affronted look.

“Excuse you? Am I not the Aeon of Elation? The Arbiter of Joy? The Judge of Jubilation? The Director of Delight? The..”

“I get it, Aha,” Akivili cuts in before he can drone on.

“The point is, I couldn’t bear to see someone under such distress. The sadness may return, but so will the laughter to help lift and carry her burdens. Or something poignant like that,” Aha says with a shrug. “You haven’t been broken on the anvil by Qlipoth’s hammer so I take it he gave you a passing grade?” he asks curiously. Akivili’s lips twitch up into a smile again.

“He said that he doesn’t think the Silver Rail connecting the planets is a good idea, but it is not a threat at the moment. So he will keep a close eye on me and my journey with ‘great interest,’” Akivili says, making air quotes.

“Hey, that’s practically a recommendation from the old fossil!” Aha says cheerfully. The door opens next to them, and Qlipoth stands there, glowering at them both. “See? What did I tell you? Practically glowing with approval!” he grins and Akivili snorts with laughter and tries to hide it with a cough.

“Are you quite finished yet?” Qlipoth growls, and Aha sighs dramatically.

“Fine, I’m going. I will say this, Akivili, it’s nice not to be the only Aeon around who is closer to mortals. Next time you or the Nameless are in a spot of chaos, let me know. We’ll consider that my favor,” Aha says with a wink.

“That’s it?” Akivili asks in surprise and with a fair measure of doubt.

“Word along the Silver Rail is that the Nameless always find themselves in the most fascinating situations. So don’t you dare leave me out of your adventure, understand?” Aha insists, grinning from ear and Akivili smirks in return.

“Oh, don’t worry, I have plenty of schemes.”

————————

Whispers danced through the air like motes of light. Glitter against the velvet backdrop of the stars. Every person on the Path of Elation, every individual calling upon THEIR name, all resting in THEIR ears like the gentle murmur of a river.

Except for one. A voice that rings clearly like a silver bell and cuts clearly through time and space. A voice Aha is so in tune that they would know it anywhere and anywhen. THEIR focus narrows, cosmic distances shrinking to nothing. Silver rails blurring and smearing together like light. A planet smaller than a mote of dust growing into a city around THEM.

“These jokes are terrible.”

“That’s what makes them so great! I’ve got to buy this!”

“Seriously? Let me guess, it’s for Aha again, isn’t it?”

“Now, now, my dear Navigator, it would be rude to come to a new planet and not get some souvenirs for a dear friend, wouldn’t it?”

“Fine, it’s your credit. Just make sure those jokes stay off my navigation instruments.”

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad.”

“Wasn’t that bad? I thought I was losing my mind trying to plot a course when I realized someone had shifted the calibration of my instruments so they were exactly half a degree off.”

“That was one time!”

“We could have shot ourselves straight into a star!”

“…..”

“Akivili.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You are not seriously laughing at this!”

“You threw a pillow at Aha and then chased her around with a broom the second she showed up on the Express after that. You can’t tell me that wasn’t funny!”

“I don’t know how the universe still manages to exist with the two of you together in it.”

Laughter shivers in the trees and brushes past two, dancing on the wind.

“I know you heard that, Aha! I mean it! Do not touch my navigation instruments again!”

Akivili is the one who whispers the idea to Aha next time. A laughing theater mask drawn on a piece of paper with the words “Aha was here” taped to the navigation panel. Sending the poor Navigator into a frenzy for hours only to realize it was a prank and nothing was changed.

Akivili spends weeks trying to get back into the Navigator’s good graces after that one.

———————

Normally, Akivili’s hair and eyes shine with the same beautiful silver gleam as the Silver Rails themselves cutting across the stars, but not today. Today, even the sky has lost its brilliance, and the clouds are thick with rain, ready to burst at any second.

Popping open an umbrella, Aha lifts it and walks up to stand next to them. Personally, Aha likes to change things up once in a while, by an Aeon’s timescale anyway, not a mortal’s, but Akivili always preferred one of two forms with silver hair that shined and sparkled like light across the water. Except for today. Her eyes are dull, and the silver has tarnished into a dull, empty grey.

“You look good. That dress suits you. Special occasion?” Akivili murmurs, eyes still locked on the grave in front of them both. The earth still freshly overturned and the headstone newly carved with a name.

Being unobtrusive has perks, but so does being more conventionally attractive and eye-catching. The type of person, or woman in this case, that people crane their necks to look at, but then just as quickly look away from. “Pretty privilege,” Akivili jokingly called it the first time they saw Aha’s newest face. A person who can get things others can’t and get into places others are denied simply by smiling wide enough or looking confident enough that people are too intimidated to demand answers. Like a quiet cemetery that was explicitly supposed to be closed off to anyone but the Nameless today.

“Like I need a reason to dress up for my dear Akivili. But yes, a new theater opened today showing old comedy cartoons from across the galaxy. Some of them eras old. Christened in my honor, apparently,” Aha explains.

“I’m sorry to take you away from that, it sounds fun,” Akivili responds, her voice barely a whisper. Aha shifts the umbrella to the opposite hand and slips an arm around Akivili’s waist. A sigh ripples through Akivili’s body as she leans into the embrace, resting her head on Aha’s shoulder.

“Come now, you know you are far more important to me,” Aha chides as she lifts her hand so her fingers can gently stroke Akivili’s hair.

“I’ve lost Nameless before. Watched them slow down, get older, finally retire from the journey, and another take their place. I’ve seen my Pathstriders die, so why? Why is this one so different, Aha?” Akivili asks, her voice cracking on the words as she begs for answers. Turning her head, Aha buries her nose into Akivili’s hair.

“Losing someone to death is one thing, but having them sacrifice themselves for you is another. Even an Aeon’s heart aches at that, no matter how long it’s been since they ascended,” Aha murmurs in reply.

“You know the worst part? It’s not the pain, it’s not how much I miss them, it’s how angry I am that they stepped in front of me. Even though I know it was a reflex to protect me. I would have been fine. I could have survived, and even if I didn’t…” Akivili trails off, her anger softening back into pain.

“Even if you didn’t, an Aeon never truly dies. We just change form,” Aha says, finishing the thought. “Even we can’t escape sadness from time to time,” she admits as the first patters of rain hit her umbrella. “Come on, let’s go have a drink at least,” she prompts. There’s no way she’s leaving Akivli alone like this, and she knows her friend doesn’t want to be alone either. Might as well find a quiet bar and share some happier memories.

That bar turns out to be the Express. Aha plays the role of bartender and keeps them coming while Aha shares memories of her fallen Nameless until the laughter is mixing together with her tears. Even in mortal form neither of them can actually get drunk, but it gets Akivili to relax and open up for a while.

Hours later, the door to the Party Car slides open and Camden peeks his head in. He’s hardly Aha’s biggest fan, always grumbling about her corrupting Akivili, when in reality it’s more often the reverse. Aha is lounging in one of the plush circular booths, fingers gently combing through Akivili’s hair as the Aeon sleeps in her lap.

Silently, she watches as Camden spots them, his expression falling with sadness. Hesitating, he leaves and then returns a moment later with a blanket. Walking over to them, he shakes it out and carefully drapes it over Akivili’s sleeping form.

“I’ve always known that Akivili loves all the Nameless. You hear it so frequently that some of us treat it as a joke,” Camden says softly. “I just… never realized how true it was until we lost Verdan. THEY looked so heartbroken and then so angry at him for jumping in to protect THEM, and then guilty for being angry at his sacrifice. I always thought, ‘Akivili loves all THEIR Nameless’ was just meant in a basic, general sense and that THEY didn’t feel things like we did until I saw that,” Camden admits, looking guilty himself.

“Not all Aeon’s care about mortals. Some barely notice at all,” Aha murmurs, “but from the moment I first met them, I could tell Akivili was different. She may not be mortal, but she’s never forgotten her humanity or that feeling of connection. We could use more Aeon’s like her to be honest,” she admits.

“I know I haven’t had the best opinion of you,” Camden reluctantly begins, which is a vast understatement that Aha restrains herself from pointing out, “but I’m glad Akivili has you there for THEM. Thank you,” he says wiping a tear from his eyes.

“Just remember that even an Aeon needs company sometimes,” Aha states, and Camden nods, bowing once before leaving them alone.

“Oh, Akivili, that self sacrificing attitude is going to get you killed one day,” Aha murmurs to the empty room.

———————-

Something is wrong.

Aha can see it in the way Akivli just stares off into the distance sometimes and in the way she’s been gradually distancing herself from the Nameless. Sure, the two of them still get up to their usual antics and chaos, but Akivili isn’t as personable with the individual mortals on the Express the way they used to be.

“Are you ever going to tell me what you’re planning this time?” Aha asks, watching their old friend as Akivili stares out at the stars. “And don’t try to brush it off. Something has you worried enough to distract you for nearly an era,” she notes and Akivili gives a small laugh, but doesn’t answer. Sighing, Aha turns around and leans against the railing, watching the sun on the water.

“Aha,” Akivili finally says, keeping her gaze fixed on the water. “If you could do something about Finality… would you? Even if it meant losing yourself?” she asks, voice low. Raising an eyebrow, Aha considers that.

Many Aeon’s have gotten a glimpse of Finality or heard it. Those whispers from the future that sometimes speak of a cycle, the end of one universe leading into the start of another. Other times it’s what Aha glimpsed at the top of the Imaginary Tree. A cold cosmos where everything turns like machinery that is still running long after its masters are gone. A universe slowly winding down until there is nothing but silence. No Aeon’s, no Paths, no mortals, no Amber Era’s, no life or hope.

“I nearly lost myself to The Voracity. I’m not looking to try it again, but for a different reason,” Aha admits, referring to their slumbering other half that retreated before madness could fully take over. Akivili twitches at that reminder, her gaze immediately darting over to Aha with worry. Grinning, Aha reaches over, sliding a hand against Akivili’s cheek and turning her face towards her. Leaning in, she places a soft kiss on the other side.

“Don’t go giving me that look unless you want me fussing over you again. We’re here to talk about you,” Aha insists. Akivili blushes slightly and looks away, clearing her throat. They’ve danced around each other for Amber Era’s sometimes teasing, sometimes with longing and desire burning between them, but always stopping at the last moment. Never committing. At least until The Voracity was sealed way. Since then, since part of Aha returned, calling herself Nihilux, Akivili has been different, closer, longing in a way they weren’t before.

What would happen if two Aeon’s loved each other? What would happen to the mortals under their gaze? To the Paths they guide? Would the two Paths become inseparably bound to one another? Would they? The stronger Aeon consuming a weaker one and their Path as well, even if they didn’t desire for that to happen? Or would something no one could predict come about? No one knew, because no one had ever done it. Aeons by their very nature did not, could not love as mortals did, and both cared too much about the other and their followers to take that risk.

How tragically ironic.

“My Primum Mobile is starting to feel less like a defining part of my nature, and more like a chain continually tightening around me,” Akivili admits. “I Ascended on the desire to know the unknown, and to blaze a trail where there is none. But now I have glimpsed an ending where there is nothing to know because all is stagnant and all roads lead to nothing. I am severed from my Path and become Terminus, the end, just to travel backwards to the beginning to try again. To change things and fail in an endless, unceasing loop. Just that knowledge alone, the very possibility is starting to pull me apart. I fear there might soon come a time when Falling from my Path will no longer be something I have control over,” Akivili confesses.

“Because your Path cannot exist in a world where there is nothing left to know and explore,” Aha states, her heart skipping a beat at the idea of losing her dear Akivili. Reaching over, Aha takes her hand and entwines their fingers together. “You want to come up with a plan before that happens. Fall from the Trailblaze willingly so you can determine the outcome instead of being destiny’s slave,” she continues. Akivili sighs lightly and lets her head drop onto Aha’s shoulder.

“I don’t see any other way out. If I cannot prevent it, then at least I can control the outcome, because Aeon’s don’t die…” Akivili begins.

“We just change shape,” Aha concludes.

“A new shape, a new version of myself that the Path would resonate with and focus on. A chance to Ascend again, and this time with a different Primum Mobile, a broader one that can help avert Finality,” Akivili says, passion growing in their voice the way it always does when she has an idea. “But I would have to Fall from my Path first in order for that to happen. Disappear or die,” she adds softly, and Aha has known them, loved them long enough to know what that hesitation is for and to hear the words buried in it.

“The Nameless are strong enough to continue on without you, of that I’m certain. The desire to forge ahead, to discover the unknown has always burned brightly in mortal hearts. It was there long before you and will continue long after, and when it falters… well, I’m not above offering a little nudge or two, whether they like it or not,” Aha admits, prompting a small laugh from Akivili.

“Will you help them when they need it?”

“I always have.”

“Will you guide them if they lose hope?”

“Naturally. The cosmos would be dreadfully boring if I didn’t have them around constantly involving themselves in other planet’s problems.”

“Will you wait for me?”

Now Akivili’s voice wavers ever so slightly, and Aha’s throat tightens.

“To eternity and back,” she says sincerely. When Akivli says nothing, she pulls away and finds Akivli with her face scrunched up. “What? The one time I say something sincere you sit there making faces at me!” Aha complains.

“Yeah, but I already know how much you care. If I’m going to go through with this, then I want it to sound more… Aha. Less romantic and more exaggerated. Like I should be slightly concerned when I hear you say it,” Akivli insists, making her snort with laughter.

“Fine. Ahem,” Aha clears her throat and tries again, but it takes a moment for her to stop smiling long enough to do it. “I will find you,” she sings, adjusting her timbre to match her Aeonic voice, higher pitched and altered. “I’ll be waiting unceasingly for my true love to wake again and I’ll have someone watching and helping every step of the way until you remember who you are and that you are mine and mine alone,” she promises going full creepy smile and making Akivili cackle.

“Now that sounded slightly ominous and vaguely sinister. It’s perfect,” Akivili teases, making her laugh.

“Come on now. Lets go over this plan of yours and don’t leave out any detail,” Aha insists.

“Are you sure? It’s not too late to back out,” Akivili warns the way she always does.

“Please, when have I ever said no to one of your schemes?”

——————-

Amber Era’s blending into memories detached from time. Emotions and memories bleed together. Fragments of conversations speed by, everything crashing like a wave and pulling at THEM. An undertow ripping THEM away into the stream as a cosmic ocean of experiences drags THEM under.

——————

“..ili”

“Ak…”

“…vil”

“Akivili!”

Who are THEY? Who is calling THEM?

“Qlipoth preserve me, please wake up. This was such a bad idea, I knew it was, and I did it anyway.”

What is that voice? It is THEM, but not THEM? THEY are the same? But then why do THEY sound different?

“Countless Amber Eras I waited for you to come back to me, just to fry out your brain the second you do. How could I be so stupid!”

THEY are worried about… THEMSELF? No, not THEMSELF. Another self? Are THEY not the same?

“Please be okay, Akivili. Please, don’t do this to me.”

Tears against skin. A memory. A jacket that still smells like THEM lies wet under THEIR skin, tears flowing down to soak it through even though THEY knew this was coming. For the first time in unceasing eras THEIR love is no more.

“Please come back.”

“Please come back.”

A whisper both past and present. Why did THEY not take the chance when THEY could? Why did THEY let fear hold THEM back until THEY were gone and all that was left was the ache of what could have been if one of THEM had the courage to try?

“You’re stronger than this. I know you are.”

Destiny’s Slave working tirelessly on a vessel forged by an Aeon and guided by mortal hands.

“What part of the plan is this?” a dry voice asks, leaning over to stare at the screens monitoring the enclosed tank.

“The last key handed to us by an Aeon THEMSELVES before THEY fell. The bridge from the past that will guide us into a new future.”

“I would ask which Aeon that is specifically, but I know you wouldn’t tell me. Still, it must be quite a plan for them to come to you. ”

“The vessel must not know the full truth before it is time, and therefore neither can you. They must grow into who they are without being unduly influenced if THEY wish to ascend again. And THEY must if Finality is to be averted.”

“Hmm, point taken. Here you go, Bladie made you a sandwich as usual. Don’t forget to eat. Even you have mortal needs.”

“Are the Masked Fools still hovering about? Always conveniently showing up wherever the Stellaron Hunters go?”

“Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.”

“Hmm, good. They have their own script to follow. They just don’t realize someone is holding their strings. Here’s a new script. You leave tomorrow.”

“Please don’t leave me again.”

Soft lips against her own. Slow, hungry with a desire that can’t be sated. An embrace and a goodbye. A parting that must happen, but that both hate all the same.

“I’ll come back to you. I promise.”

“I’ll come back to you. I promise.”

“Akivili! Stelle!”

Blinking rapidly, SHE/HE/THEY awaken once again.

—————

Stelle isn’t sure how long she sits there, numbly and blankly staring out into the fake waters as her mind sluggishly detangles itself and remembers who and what it is. Nihilux is there the whole time, arms tightly wrapped around her shoulders and occasionally responding when Stelle mumbles some words half-remembered from someone else’s memory.

Slowly the fog clears until Stelle is reasonably sure she’s actually human again. Human-sh? Generically mortal? Well, she was artificially created, so that probably isn’t true either. Whatever she is, she is undeniably overwhelmed by what she witnessed. There’s also an increasing realization that the pieces she’s reassembled herself with haven’t all come from Nihilux. There’s a feeling that the memories aren’t hers, not really, or at least not yet, but the emotional weight of them is also undeniable.

No wonder Nihilux tried to warn me, Stelle considers.

“I need….“ Stelle says haltingly, her tongue thick in her mouth.

“Of course, anything,” Nihilux insists and it pulls on Stelle’s conscience to hear how worried she sounds.

“I need to stand up. My legs are asleep,” Stelle admits, and there’s a momentary silence before Nihilux gives a soft laugh in her ear.

“Let me help you up so you don’t fall,” Nihilux says, her relief palpable. Letting go, she stands up and then helps Stelle to her feet, holding her up as Stelle’s legs protest strongly at being in one position for so long.

“I, uh, could also use something to drink. I’m parched,” Stelle says apologetically. Nihilux looks both reluctant to let her go and relieved to do something.

“You sure you’re steady on your feet?” Nihilux says doubtfully. Stelle smiles and flashes a thumbs up reassuringly, only for the world to immediately tilt around her. Nihilux snatches her up again before she goes crashing down into the sand. “All right, we’re sitting you down on a bench first, and you will not try to go anywhere on you’re own,” she orders.

“Yes, ma’am,” Stelle agrees,feeling deeply abashed. Nihilux helps her wobble over to a bench and makes sure she’s seated before heading off. Settling back, Stelle flexes her leg muscles to get the rest of the tingles out as Nihilux hurries over to the nearest food cart. A second later she returns with a “salty dog” and rum. Which seems to be a hot dog with a side of fried calamari and a cream soda. Stelle feels surprisingly ravenous after what just happened.

“I understand now what you meant about not being able to explain it. When you’ve known and cared about someone for hundreds, no, hundreds of thousands of years or longer… how do you even begin to put that into words? How could you possibly describe the smallest fraction of it?” Stelle says, still staring out at the waves as she falls silent again.

How did you explain that kind of relationship with mere words? With anything approaching mortal understanding, in fact? Stelle had known the Express crew for an amount of time that would barely register to an Aeon, and yet seeing Himeko sacrifice herself had nearly broken her entirely. What must it be like to have someone you’ve known for Eras longer suddenly wink out of existence with no way to get them back except to wait?

How do you recount what it means to care so deeply for someone that they might as well be the other half of your soul? When you know them so thoroughly that you can have an entire conversation without speaking a single word? To watch them fall to madness, and then get them back again, different, but the same? What do you say when you’ve yearned for such a long time that you no longer wish to remember when your life didn’t have them in it?

“You’re crying,” Nihilux murmurs, reaching a hand out to brush a tear away as it rolls down Stelle’s cheek. Sniffling, she wipes at her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Stelle apologizes.

“Don’t worry about it, I know it was a lot,” Nihilux assures her, but Stelle shakes her head firmly before she’s even finished talking.

“Not me,” Stelle bites back, much sharper than she intended, but the emotional turmoil inside her is too overwhelming to try and moderate her tone. “I’m sorry for what you had to go through. I’m sorry I’m not… THEM. Not yet. I’m sorry I can’t be THEM for you with all the memories and experiences you shared,” she corrects, finally turning to look at Nihilux.

Because now she gets it in a way that most mortals never will. The weight of watching a dear friend you loved and fought alongside for countless Amber Era’s descend into madness because of Voracity. The desperation of helping them stave it off a bit longer until they finally, willingly slumbered, giving their power to another so that Elation could continue without harming the very mortals they tried to protect. She/THEY stared at the woman calling herself Nihilux and knew it was Aha. Different, but the same, returned to THEM again. Because to be an Aeon one must not just have the power, but must also be accepted by the Path, and to be accepted by the Path you must be irrevocably the same as any who came before. To a mortal they were not the same even if a person lacked the vocabulary to articulate why and how. But to an Aeon? Once you were, you always had been and there was no disparity or conflict between who was and who is, even if the original was still there. Because an Aeon does not die, they just change forms.

“You’re…?” Nihilux falters, a storm of emotions flickering across her face before she looks away. “We knew what would happen and that the cost of doing nothing was far higher. Akivili had seen their friend fall to madness once. They wouldn’t let me go through the same pain,” Nihilux says quietly, phrasing it in mortal terms. But Stelle can see her pulling away, distancing herself.

“Don’t pull away like that, like going through this doesn’t bother you as much as it does.”

“Don’t pull away like that, like going through this doesn’t bother you as much as it does,” Stelle says, the words layered over a memory.

Nihilux flinches at those words, heard so long ago.

“You said it yourself, you aren’t them, not yet. It’s not fair to you. I shouldn’t have even shown you those memories,” Nihilux counters, keeping her gaze averted. But Stelle can clearly see how hard she swallows and how her hands tremble ever so slightly as she tries to pretend she’s not as affected by this as she really is.

“But you did, and now I know and feel it all,” Stelle argues.

“And what about in a few hours? Or will all those feelings just fade away and disappear? Leaving you with a memory of what you felt, but no way to reclaim it? Just the knowledge that you aren’t who you once were?” Nihilux demands, her voice tinged with bitterness and pain.

“An Aeon doesn’t die. They just change form. You said that earlier today, and you called me Akivili, so don’t turn around now like you don’t look at me and see the same Akivili you once loved!” Stelle fights back, pushing harder. Nihilux’s shoulders rise and she crosses her arms, defensive and cornered.

“This was a mistake; I never should have told you anything!” Nihilux shouts back and turns to leave. Stelle closes the distance between them and grabs her wrist. Just like Akivili did during a different argument long ago. Stelle remembers the fire in THEIR breast. The passion and pain of seeing someone THEY cared about pulling away to lessen the coming pain.

“Is this really how you want things between us to end?”

“Is this really how you want things between us to end?”

Nihilux inhales sharply at those words. Nihilux/Aha had stood there, unmoving while Akivili drew closer and then pulled her into a hot, searing kiss, full of the desire and passion they felt but had never shown. A last goodbye and a last confession that no words could ever properly convey.

Stelle absolutely does not for a moment even consider doing that. She still had some logic left in her head despite appearances, but she can tell Nihilux is remembering it by the way she slowly turns around, glancing at Stelle’s lips before meeting her gaze.

“Maybe in a few hours I’ll be different, and all the feelings I remember now will just be a story from someone else’s memory. Maybe I’ll just be the Baseball Raccoon again and you’ll be an Aeon waiting for someone who isn’t here yet,” Stelle admits her voice gentle as she loosens her grip on Nihilux’s wrist, giving her the chance to leave if she wants. Although it’s not like Stelle could stop her either way. “But I’m here now, Aha. Haven’t you waited long enough?” she asks searchingly, and Nihilux’s eyes fill with tears at those words.

Gently, Stelle tugs on Nihilux’s wrist, urging her closer, and a sob bursts from her throat before she throws her arms around Stelle’s neck, hugging her tightly.

“Jerk. You always knew just what to say to me,” Nihilux complains, her voice cracking on the words. Silence stretches between them. “Can I…? Just for a moment,” she pleads and Stelle wraps her arms around Nihilux, one around her waist and the other rubbing her back slowly.

“As long as you need to,” Stelle promises. With a sigh, Nihilux buries her nose into Stelle’s neck and breathes deeply.

“Preservation above, you even smell the same,” Nihilux says longingly.

Don’t say it. Don’t do it. Keep your mouth closed. Inside thoughts Trailblazer, inside thoughts! Stella mentally warns herself, but the urge cannot be contained.

“Wow, I finally come back from the dead and the first thing you do is say that I smell? That’s awfully rude coming from someone who has been stalking me since I was created,” Stelle quips, unable to stop herself. Nihilux snorts with laughter, and her shoulders tremble with mirth even as her tears soak into Stelle’s collar.

“Oh, shut up. You know what I meant, and I was not stalking you!” Nihilux insists, her voice muffled by Stelle’s shoulder.

“Really? I guess Silver Wolf joining the Stellaron Hunters was just a convenient coincidence then?” Stelle asks.

“Naturally.”

“And her being at the Herta Space Station?”

“Well, someone had to get you inside and then help Kafka ensure the stellaron was properly placed and didn’t immediately blow you up. There’s quite a lot riding on you if you hadn’t noticed, little raccoon.”

“And I suppose Sampo was in Belobog for a vacation?”

“What can I say? The man loves the snow. Not sure what he sees in it myself. It’s cold and wet and gets everywhere.”

“And the Stellaron Hunters on the Xianzhou?”

“There was a lot going on. They had to make sure you were perfectly in place to handle denizens of the Abundance and take down a Lord Ravager. It’s hardly my fault you Nameless are so easily distracted, you know.”

“And all the problems Sparkle caused in Penacony? Which conveniently allowed Silver Wolf and Sparkle to arrange for Firefly to experience one of her scripted "‘deaths’ in a more controlled manner? So they could all help keep me on course?”

“Who doesn’t love the planet of dreams? Besides that whole fireworks scene and bomb scare was something you helped make happen thanks to your plea to Terminus. So can I really be held responsible for any of that? Everyone knows the Masked Fools just pop up like dandelions. Going wherever the cosmic winds take them.”

“You literally admitted to hiring memokeepers to follow us to Amphoreus.”

“Can a woman not have a little job security in these trying times? Besides, my readers demanded to know what was going to happen next! I couldn’t disappoint them.”

“And the fact that the fervor over our adventures was building to a peak right as we got to Planarcadia and entered the games? Or Sparkle setting up a whole fake drama with Sparxie and then keeping the mask on as her because it was the most useful way to help us at the time? Feeding the drama and granting us even more wishpower as the crowds saw us succeed against her?”

“What can I say? Even a Fool has a heart sometimes.”

“And Evanescia was…?”

“Just keeping an eye on a major participant in the games to ensure they continued according to the rules. Nothing more, of course.”

“How very convenient for you.”

“Isn’t it, though?”

Stelle can’t help but smile and she can feel Nihilux doing the same.

“Thanks for watching out for me,” Stelle murmurs. “I… THEY were stunned to see you again. To see Nihilux for the first time, but THEY still knew it was you. THEY would always know it was you. It was more than just seeing a friend return, it was a chance to try again, to make sure you knew how THEY felt. THEY had never felt the need to say it before but then…” she says, fumbling over the words and how to identity herself and Akivili now. Nihilux’s arms tighten around her neck.

“Then I fell to madness and there was nothing Akivili could do to stop it. Then I came back. Part of Aha. Different to mortals, but the same to another Aeon. This time they didn’t want to risk losing me again, but I… I was still so hesitant because no one could see what consequences there might be for those who followed our Paths, or even for the cosmos as a while,” Nihilux admits. Slowly, reluctantly, she lets go, wiping at her eyes.

Stelle hesitates, the knowledge sitting there vividly in her mind. Should she? But if she doesn’t say it now, then when? Taking a deep breath, she forges ahead before she can second guess herself.

“Akivili couldn’t make you go through the pain THEY had experienced. Watching a friend go mad as both THEY and THEIR Path are corrupted. But if THEY could save themselves and THEIR Path, then maybe… maybe THEY could help avert THEIR own end and help stop Finality. Maybe THEY could help create a different world where you didn’t have to be afraid anymore,” Stelle says looking down at her shoes. Peeking up, she sees tears once again slipping down Nihilux’s face as she stares off into the waves, her expression tortured.

“Will you wait for me?” Nihilux whispers.

“To eternity and back,” Stelle responds.

“Aeon’s and Eras, that stupid, lovestruck fool. Always sacrificing themselves, always hoping for something better,” Nihilux murmurs, her chest heaving with a sob barely contained.

“Listen, I don’t know where we go from here, or where there is to go from here at all,” Stelle admits, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly. “But I know that even an Aeon shouldn’t be alone forever. So… why not stick with the Express… with me for a while? Maybe I’m not THEM, not from a mortal perspective, and maybe I am THEM from yours, but whatever the case, I can at least be a good friend now,” Stelle offers, feeling deeply anxious even as she speaks. “Besides, if I am going to be Akivili then I’ve got a lot of learning to do, if only to make sure I don’t accidentally kill my own companions by mistake. So, who better to teach me then an old friend?”

Sniffling again, Nihilux takes off her glasses and wipes at her eyes.

“I am easily the single worst person in the entire cosmos who should be teaching you anything. There are so many better choices out there, or less terrible ones, at least,” Nihilux admits.

“Well, yeah,” Stelle freely agrees, “but where’s the fun in that?” she asks, and Nihilux lets out a surprised laugh, a smile spreading across her face once again. This time as she meets Stelle’s eyes there isn’t a deep aching loneliness in them any more, but a spark of hope burning brightly.

“You know what? I think I’d like that, Akivili.”