Work Text:
"You have to do this thing for me! Please!" Jongseob pleaded.
"I already said no!" Soul insisted and bit the inside of his cheek, which made him look like he was pouting. "Why me, anyway? Why not Intak?" he asked and leaned on the doorframe of Jongseob's studio.
"Because… I'm too embarrassed to ask anyone but you." Jongseob scratched his head and lightly spun himself left to right on his desk chair.
"I don't get it though… kissing lessons? What for? Are you into someone?" Soul crossed his arms and shifted his body weight on his left leg when he asked that last question.
"No, no. Nothing like that." Jongseob swatted away the accusation with his hands as if it were a mosquito. "I'm working on a song… an intimate song, you could say." he shook around his mouse and the screen of his computer lit up, showing an empty Word page, save for the two lines of lyrics he'd managed to come up with.
"I want to taste your lips, your breath hot on my tongue. Can't stop thinking of you, let's do this all night long."
Soul leaned in to take a good look. "You're writing a sex song."
"No!? I'm writing a love song." Jongseob explained, extending his pointer finger as if to say "obviously!"
"Well it sucks." Soul uttered and moved back to where he stood, crossing his arms the other way around this time.
"Yeah I know, which is why I need your help. I need to know what a passionate kiss actually feels like in order to write about it!" Jongseob explained. He turned the computer screen off and spun on his chair to face Soul again. "Even the greatest writers have based their books on their life experiences."
Soul dropped his arms on his sides. "I'll consider it." his eyes wandered elsewhere, refusing to lock onto Jongseob's face.
Jongseob scooted closer and held both of Soul's hands, pulling him a little closer. "Thank you!" he said and swung them side to side playfully. Soul didn't resist, he allowed his arms to be swayed for a bit before accidentally catching himself looking into Jongseob's eyes. He quickly pulled his hands away from his grip and exited the room. "It'll be 20.000won per lesson." he said on his way out, and Jongseob just laughed.
𖦹
Later that night, when Soul was sitting on the couch playing Tekken 7 on his PSP, he noticed Jongseob emerging from his studio. After sitting next to him and stealing a few glances, Jongseob finally mustered up the courage to say "Maybe we should have our first lesson."
Soul's thumbs froze, hovering right above the buttons of the console and Jongseob could hear the grunts and pants of his character being beaten up. "K.O!" yelled a manly voice from the PSP. Soul still just looked at the screen blankly.
"Like, right now?" he managed to asked.
"Yes, right now. I want to finish the song as soon as possible" Jongseob replied.
"Okay..." Soul finally looked his way. "Sure."
Jongseob rushed to his studio and came back 5 seconds later holding a notebook and a pen.
"What do you need that for?" Soul pointed and set his PSP on the table.
"Well I have to take notes, don't I? I have to describe the feeling of a kiss as accurately as I can. It's a new experience for me, after all." he explained and sat criss cross on the couch, facing Soul.
"Wait, you're telling me you've never kissed anyone?"
"I've been in the public eye since the 5th grade, you think I had the time or the opportunity to do that?"
"You've got a point but… now I don't know if we should do this. Your first kiss should be with someone you really like." Soul said and rubbed his palms on his thighs. He felt that if he still agreed to this, he'd be taking advantage of Jongseob's lack of experience.
"I like you." Jongseob said nonchalantly and raised his shoulders.
Soul's eyes widened, his hands digging into his pants. He let out an awkward laugh, a monotone "Hah" and then one more.
"And I mean, out of all our members you're the only one I'd want to do this with." Jongseob continued and, after receiving no reply, slapped his knees expectedly. "Okay let's do it! Where do we start?"
Soul shuffled uncomfortably on the couch, pushing himself closer to Jongseob. He coughed dryly into his forearm, "Well, I guess we could start with hand placement. Give it a go."
Jongseob hesitantly placed a hand on Soul's left cheek. It was warm, a bit sweaty, probably from the nerves. Despite its warmth, Jongseob's hand felt shaky, full of uncertainty. Soul covered it with his own and adjusted it, tilting it lightly and placing it a little further down, so that his pinky and ring finger could settle below his sharp jaw, the middle finger barely grazing his earlobe. He refused to look into Jongseob's eyes while doing so, instead he looked at his own folded legs and the creases of the couch underneath. Jongseob's palm and fingers wrapped around his jaw perfectly, like they were made just for it. Soul's entire body shivered.
"Hand placement is always subjective, but it's always good to be able to lightly hold onto the person's jaw. If you want, you can also softly rub the person's cheek with your thumb." Soul explained, trying to remain calm. Without a word, Jongseob took the advice. He moved his thumb and it felt light as a feather when it caressed Soul's cheekbone.
"Like that?" he asked and leaned in.
Soul almost melted into the couch. He gulped heavily and looked into Jongseob's eyes in an attempt to gain control of the situation, to assert his dominance. It didn't last very long—he tilted his head down in a matter of seconds. "Yes," was all he could say.
Jongseob frowned. With the heel of his palm he angled Soul's head upward and looked straight into his eyes. "I need you to be serious, okay? I want to learn."
He removed his hand from Soul's face, grabbed his pen and flipped open the notebook that had been resting on his lap.
"Cup the jaw, thumb on cheekbone, soft rubbing" he wrote.
Before Soul could let out a sigh, Jongseob threw his pen back into the notebook and placed his hand in the exact same spot as before. "What's next?" he asked.
Soul could feel his heart beating in his head, in his stomach, in his throat, everywhere except the place it was supposed to beat in. He wondered if Jongseob could feel his head throbbing in his grasp. He knew the warmth he felt wasn't just from Jongseob's palm but from his own cheeks flushing, so much that they ached. Jongseob's thumb brushing cautiously against his left cheek helped soothe him a little, but it wasn't enough. Was this normal? Was it normal for someone to feel all this for a friend? For a coworker? Just from the touch of his hand?
"Uhm, you could.. uh," he took a deep breath, "You could try leaning in a bit. Get used to closing the distance, y'know."
Jongseob did exactly as suggested and pushed himself closer with the help of his free hand, causing their knees to bump. He laughed a little, his eyes thinning, sending a shockwave into Soul's body. He'd seen Jongseob's laughing eyes a million times before, some of them even more expressive than the ones he was seeing just then, but it was never like this. It was never with his hand wrapped around his jaw and his tongue moisturizing his dry lips as he readied himself for a kiss.
When Jongseob's face was finally just a few centimeters away from his, Soul placed his own hand on the other's cheek. He felt Jongseob recoil away for a second, probably a reflex, and then settle back into Soul's palm. He could feel Jongseob's breath reaching his lips, so he held in his own. This was weird. This was definitely weird. He could see in Jongseob's tired eyes that he wanted it too. But maybe he was just reading into it too much. Surely his eyes were deceiving him. Making him imagine things. WhatTheFuck WhatTheFuck WhatTheActualFuck, he thought.
"Can I?" Jongseob asked, breaking Soul's panicked thought cycle for a second, and simultaneously kickstarting another. If he said yes it would be over. There's no way this would end well, no way Jongseob wouldn't realize that Soul actually felt something for him in that moment. No way they'd be able to break the kiss and just go back into their rooms as if nothing had happened. No way they'd be able to look at each other the next day and simply say "Time for lesson number two". He had to say no. It was the only answer.
"Yes," he said, and had to fold his free hand into a fist to stop it from slapping his own face.
It was weird how Soul refused to close his eyes even after Jongseob had closed his, how his lips parted just enough to feel Jongseob's breath on the tip of his tongue, how the lips that fell upon his were much softer than he had anticipated. Even without any previous communication, he had somehow guessed that Jongseob would probably aim for his upper lip, so he in turn aimed for the lower. That kind of guess, like a silent agreement between the two, could only be made by people who know each other better than anyone else. Two friends. Nothing more than friends.
And so Jongseob's lips awkwardly landed on Soul's. Not knowing what to do with his tongue, Jongseob decided to just hold it in. In a way, Soul was thankful of how not straightforward at all Jongseob was. Who knows how he would've reacted if he'd been the bold type.
Jongseob's immaturity in kissing interested him. He'd become used to him being a know-it-all, acting more grown than him despite being younger, but seeing him—or rather, feeling him—like this; vulnerable and uncertain, trying so hard to get it right… there was something so attractive about it. Something that gave him a funny feeling in his stomach.
Jongseob pulled away for a second, a thin string of saliva still connecting them, and then went right back in, more passionately than before. Maybe a little too passionately, like his plan was to devour Soul whole. Soul's grip on Jongseob's jaw became more firm, and yet he didn't know if it was his way of telling him to stop or to continue.
Eventually, Soul placed his free hand on Jongseob's chest and pushed him away softly. He didn't want it to end, he really didn't, and yet he couldn't help but think that it was wrong. He removed his other hand from Jongseob's face and placed it on the edge of the couch to support himself as he leaned back a little. He thought that after this, Jongseob would wipe his mouth in disgust and hide in his room without saying a word and give him dirty looks whenever their eyes met and never talk to him again.
Jongseob's eyes fluttered open and it was obvious he was in a sort of daze. He pulled away his hand and, instead of wiping his lips as Soul expected, he simply licked them with his tongue, taking in the taste of Soul's mouth as a souvenir.
"I'm sorry, was that… bad?" he wondered. The uncertainty in his tone made Soul flustered. The last thing he wanted was to make things awkward between them, but damn did the shaky timber of Jongseob's voice made him shiver with desire.
"No, but you could definitely improve." he said, trying to distract himself from the fact he wanted more.
Jongseob's eyes glistened as he opened his notebook once again, "Give me some tips." he requested. It was almost frightening how technical Jongseob was about this. Did it mean nothing to him? Was it purely just an experiment for his song and nothing more?
Soul lifted his head and looked at the ceiling, thinking. A few seconds later he bopped his head down and looked straight at him. "First of all, there's no need to be so aggressive. Start softly like you did, and then proceed at a slow pace. Don't rush."
"Uh huh," Jongseob mouthed and scribbled things down without taking his eyes away from the paper.
"Then uh… try to move your hand as well. Don't just let it rest there, you can add more strength to the grip or wrap it around the person's neck. Depends on what they like, I guess."
Jongseob flung his head up and stared at Soul. "What do you like?" he asked.
Soul went quiet, his eyes wide and glossy, his lips pressed together. "I don't, uh." he coughed, "I guess I like when the other person has a good grip on my jaw." he admitted sort of shamefully.
"Got it." Jongseob scribbled again on his notebook.
"I think this should be it for tonight." Soul suggested. His heart was still beating, this time in his chest, for better or for worse. He knew he couldn't take any more than this. This weird feeling of pleasure mixed with the guilt of "stealing" his friend's first kiss, it made him sick. But then again he knew that if he were to have more, he wouldn't be able to stop himself.
"Oh… alright." Jongseob's face darkened suddenly, but then he gave a faint smile, picked up his pen and notes, and walked to his room without another word. Of course Soul felt bad, but he wasn't exactly sure what for. He did the right thing, did he not? Did Jongseob look so upset because he didn't get his money's worth, or could it be because he wanted..? No, there's no way it's that. Soul shook his head in an effort to shake those thoughts away. It didn't work.
Later in the night, after having stayed up playing on his PSP and spacing out every 2 minutes or so thinking about what had occurred, Soul walked past Jongseob's room to turn off his light. Such was their habit: Jongseob staying up late reading his fancy books with his light on until he eventually fell asleep without even realizing, and Soul—having stayed up even later than him—coming into his room and turning it off before heading to bed.
This time what was next to Jongseob's head, on top of his pillow, wasn't a book but the notes he'd taken during their "lesson". He'd taken a lot, it seemed. Soul stood over his head and read through some of them.
"hand while kissing: 1)grip harder* or 2)move towards neck"
Seeing the asterisk, Soul's eyes jumped to the bottom of the page. It read:
" * = Soul's preference"
⟡
That next morning Jongseob woke up to a tiny pool of drool on his notebook. His cheek was halfway on top of the page and halfway on the pillow, which he later realized had left a long straight indent across his face from his upper cheekbone all the way to his chin. "Fuck." he mouthed when he ran his finger on top of it while looking at himself in the mirror.
"What's that on your face?" Soul asked, his mouth half-full of scrambled eggs, one hand holding his fork like a toddler and the other gripping the tablecloth—a sign that the eggs were delicious. He must've woken up just a few minutes before Jongseob did and made the eggs right away without even washing his face, judging from his barely open eyes, puffy cheeks and wild hair.
"I just slept weird." Jongseob rubbed his eyes and sat on the chair across, observing Soul's devouring of the eggs.
Soul looked up at him, a piece of egg hanging from his mouth, his eyes running across Jongseob's face. His mouth curled into a little smirk. Then it occured to Jongseob: Was it possible Soul came into the room at night and read the notes that were lying next to him? No, Soul wasn't the nosy type, he wouldn't do that. Actually, yes he would. Shit.
Too lazy to cook himself anything, Jongseob just had a granola bar for breakfast. They spent the rest of the day practicing alone without saying much to each other except for the casual "Pick up your underwear from the floor!" and "What do you want for lunch?".
Soul worked on his dancing routine in one of the company training rooms while Jongseob shut himself in his studio attempting to finish the song with the help of his drooled-on notes. He knew he hadn't gathered enough material to write convincing enough lyrics, and wondered whether he really should've asked for Intak's help instead of Soul's.
Frustrated by his lack of experience, the awkward air between him and Soul, and his inability to just give up on this song, he shut off his computer and stormed out of his studio. To his surprise, Soul was back, sitting on the couch watching National Geographic on the TV. After eyeing each other for a bit, Jongseob decided to sit next to him. Maybe he could just pretend to be interested in whatever Soul was watching. They could just sit there and stare at the TV until it was time to go to bed without having spoken a word.
After about a minute of unbearable silence, in an effort to break it, "Koalas are pretty cool." Soul said. He pointed to the TV screen, which played a montage of a baby koala making its way up a tree, then a clip of an older koala looking at the sky with the breeze hitting its face elegantly. "It's a shame they get chlamydia and shit." he frowned. Hell of a way to start a conversation, Jongseob thought.
"Can we talk about last night?" Jongseob cut straight to the chase. Soul coughed. The koala on the screen fell from the tree with a loud thud.
"What about last night?" Soul asked, feigning ignorance. The koala was now crying for its mom.
"First of all turn that thing off." Jongseob demanded, pointing towards the TV. "And don't play dumb. Why have you been avoiding me all day? Is it because I didn't pay you for last night?"
"Okay well don't say it like that, you make me sound like a stripper." Soul's eyebrows furrowed as he turned off the TV and tossed the remote on the table. "And no, it's not about the money."
"Okay what is it then? Are you like homophobic or something, is that it?" Jongseob turned his entire body towards Soul, his legs criss crossed.
"I'm literally bisexual..?" Soul looked around like he was searching for an invisible camera to point and say Get a load of this guy to.
"Okay whatever, just tell me what's up with you." Jongseob scoffed at him.
Soul sighed, "I just don't think you're going about this the right way. I mean, why are you even taking notes? Kissing isn't about the action, it doesn't matter if you do it the 'right' way. It's about feeling."
Jongseob was left confused by Soul's little tangent. "Feeling?" he asked.
"Yes, bro. Hand placement and technique, those things aren't important. Are you writing a kissing manual or a love song?" Soul had also adjusted himself on the couch, facing Jongseob and sitting similarly to how he was. "What matters is how kissing feels."
He had a point, even though Jongseob hated to admit it. He had been so caught up trying to learn how to be good at it that it didn't even occur to him that the whole point was the emotion behind it. A stupid mistake on his part. He sighed loudly. "I'm sorry. For dragging you into all this, I mean. It was stupid."
"It wasn't." Soul assured him. After a few seconds of silence, "I can still help you if you want." he added. "I mean, I can't teach you how you're supposed to feel about kissing, but I can help you figure it out?" he raised his shoulders.
"Are you sure? I don't want to make things awkward again. It's really okay, I can scrap the song." Jongseob hesitated.
"I wouldn't offer if I wasn't up to it. Let's make a deal. I help you write the song and you will share half of what you make from it with me once it's released." Soul suggested and slapped his knees excitedly.
"Thank you." Jongseob replied. It felt as if Soul had all this kissing wisdom that until then had flew completely under his radar, which on one hand was comforting—he truly was the only person he trusted enough to do this with—and on the other irritating—he hated feeling inferior to him in any aspect. Despite all that, he knew Soul had his best interest at heart and that no matter how weird or uncomfortable the whole ordeal was, he was the only person Jongseob could rely on.
It was when Jongseob's digital clock read 2:00AM that he got up from bed after skimming through some pages of the book he was supposed to be reading. So many thoughts floated around his mind that it was impossible to focus on anything else. Soul. Feelings. Kissing. Soul. Lyrics. Soul. If he were to sift through all his thoughts like they were powdered sugar, he would realize all that remained was one word: Soul.
He stood outside Soul's door for at least twenty seconds, debating whether it'd be more appropriate to knock or to just barge in. Knocking felt too formal, too distant, but barging in felt too casual, intrusive even. His hand hovered above the knob, but before he could even touch it, the door opened from the other side.
"Woah! Why are you outside my room?" Soul asked as he held onto the doorframe in an attempt to not bump onto Jongseob. "I thought you'd be asleep by now."
"I just." Jongseob hesitated. "Since you said you'd help me…"
"Oh..." Soul gave a confused smile.
"No, sorry this was stupid. Goodnight." Jongseob made a move to turn around but Soul managed to get a decent grip on his waist and hold him back. He let go almost immediately, realizing that it was probably not very appropriate, but his intentions had been made clear. "Let's have a quick lesson." he suggested.
They sat on the bed, Soul's back leaning onto the wall and Jongseob right across him. "How should I start?" Jongseob asked.
"Do whatever you want. Think of it like creative writing lessons, just allow yourself to do anything." Soul recommended.
Jongseob crawled over to him and began with the basics; hand on jaw, tight grip, leaning closer and closer. It felt so mechanical that it made him anxious. He was doing all the things Soul had told him not to do and the idea of not getting it right on his first try haunted him. Just when he was about to give up and rush back to his room yelling "This was a mistake, forget it ever happened!", he felt Soul's palm cup his cheek. "Don't overthink it." he said.
Jongseob put his hand back down, both his hands now on the futon right next to Soul's hips, his legs spread apart over Soul's. Even just a tiny push backwards could essentially lead to him sitting on Soul's lap. He decided he'd do what felt right. He leaned close enough to feel Soul's breath on his lips and just went for it. Their mouths interlocked softly, and he felt Soul's tongue brushing up against his bottom lip. He hadn't done that the day before, so he was taken aback by how warm it felt. He exchanged the gesture, more sloppily than Soul had, by grazing his tongue against Soul's teeth. It didn't feel right, but Soul didn't recoil back, didn't seem bothered. If anything, he seemed to be into it.
He was so unsure, so insecure that he wasn't doing it right, and Soul must've felt it because he threw his head back a bit and, breathing just centimeters away from Jongseob's lips he said "You're doing well." He used his fingers to wipe away the strands of hair sitting on Jongseob's forehead, locked eyes with him for a second, and then leaned back into the kiss.
But how could Soul be so… confident? How did he know exactly what to do and say? The certainty in his voice when he reassured Jongseob was somehow strange. Jongseob didn't think to question this before; how much experience did Soul really have with kissing? The two of them shared everything with each other, if one had happened to have a random hook-up or summer fling, the other would know.
Still, Jongseob felt his stomach contract rapidly with each breath, as if Soul's little words of encouragement were enough to make him the greatest kisser the world had ever seen. He lifted one hand from the bed and with it cupped Soul's jaw just the way he had told him he liked, at the expense of losing some of his balance. Soul held him up by supporting his chin between his thumb and index finger.
Jongseob could feel and hear himself panting into Soul's mouth but he didn't even care, it felt far too good to care. He was clumsy and messy and uncoordinated but it felt so good how his tongue could slip into Soul's mouth with such ease, as if they had already done this a million times before. He took his focus away from Soul's top lip and placed it on his bottom, and feeling Soul do the opposite without even pausing gave him a spurt of confidence that he desperately needed.
His hand fell from Soul's jaw to his shoulder and then to his clothed chest and then his abdomen. He wanted so badly to feel under his shirt, but he wasn't sure if that would be okay just yet. He pressed a hand on Soul's abs and sides trying to feel his body rise and fall with every violent inhale and exhale. He wanted to match his breathing, for their bodies to sync up as if they were one.
They were both beginning to get exhausted but neither showed any sign of giving up before the other did. Soul's hand had moved from Jongseob's chin to his collar bone, supporting him. Jongseob's balance had long given in and he was now sitting on Soul's lap, one hand still on his abdomen and the other on his jaw. Soul ran his free hand through Jongseob's hair, holding on to it tightly and slightly pulling his head back. Jongseob let out a soft moan into Soul's mouth, which would've normally made him incredibly embarrassed, but he was way past embarrassment by that point. He was already feeling all sorts of things, he had no room to feel shame.
"I think," Soul panted, "I think we should stop." He leaned back a bit to see Jongseob's perplexed, sweaty and flushed face, lips parted in anticipation, and gave him a quick peck. "Don't get discouraged," he breathed out. "You were really good."
Jongseob just couldn't seem to catch his breath. He rested his head on Soul's shoulder and breathed heavily. "I've never-" he took a few more breaths, "I've never felt anything like this before." he managed.
Soul laughed and loosened his grip on Jongseob's hair, now ruffling it like you would a puppy's fur. "Fuck I'm tired." Jongseob said, "I don't think I can even walk back to my room."
"Then just sleep here." Soul suggested. Holding onto Jongseob's head carefully, he scooted forward away from the wall and lay flat on top of the covers. Jongseob's entire upper body was now resting on top of Soul's, his legs slightly parted for balance. Their breathing became synchronized; whenever Jongseob breathed in Soul breathed out, like a perfect organism.
Jongseob used Soul's shoulder as a pillow, while Soul used Jongseob's waist as the giant body pillow he'd normally be hugging every night to sleep. His other hand was now softly running through Jongseob's hair, and he twirled small strands of it until they both eventually fell asleep.
𖦹
The morning light hit Soul's eyes through the tiny window of his room and he made the motion to get up before realizing Jongseob was still on top of him, fast asleep. His mind went to everything that had happened the previous night and he rubbed his eyes roughly in an attempt to rub away the image of Jongseob's lips on top of his and his hands pressing down on him and the faintest little moan he let out and oh shit his stomach was starting to feel funny again.
They had moved around quite a bit throughout the night, but somehow Jongseob was still mostly on top. Soul shuffled awkwardly trying to slide him off of him without waking him up, but to no avail. Jongseob raised his head and opened his sleepy eyes that took a few seconds to adjust to the light and look around for Soul's.
Once their eyes met, "Could you..?" Jongseob purred.
"Could I what?" Soul asked, trying to tell himself there's no way Jongseob was asking for what he thought he was asking.
"Kiss me." Jongseob exhaled. When Soul froze and gave no answer, "For my song, y'know. Thought I could write about morning kisses. And stuff."
"Oh.." Soul looked away momentarily. "Sure, yeah."
Part of him wanted to believe that Jongseob was using the song as an excuse, that he truly wanted to kiss Soul because he was Soul, and not because he was this sort of experiment to him. But then again, he knew how obsessive Jongseob could get about his work, so it wouldn't be totally unlike him to do all this for the sake of songwriting. It was impossible to decide which would be the best case scenario.
If there was a chance that Jongseob truly felt something for him, what would that entail? How would it affect what they already had? Their friendship, their work, their living situation. If the company found out, would they be forced to room with someone else? Or even worse, would one of them be kicked out of the group? Soul's mind was racing so fast it made him lightheaded.
"Actually, could we..." he swallowed. "Maybe you should go to your room. We have to leave soon, remember?"
"Oh," Jongseob furrowed his brows, confused. "Yeah, sorry." he said and tried to lift himself up with each hand next to each of Soul's shoulders. Soul tried to look away, for the most part at least, because it was really an awkward position to be in. Both literally and metaphorically. He caught a glimpse of Jongseob wetting his dry lips with a swift motion of his tongue as he was getting up.
Jongseob patted down his wrinkly shirt and messy hair and Soul just watched him as he opened the door.
"Are we okay?" Jongseob asked softly before stepping out. He had this weird look on his face, but Soul couldn't decipher it. He just nodded without saying a word. The door closed with a slow click and there he was, alone in his room left to deal with his overwhelming thoughts.
⟡
"I just don't get it." Jongseob exclaimed and slapped his hands on his knees. "Why would he be acting so strange?"
"You haven't even told us what happened between you two, how could we know why he's being like this?" Intak asked from the front seat of the minivan, not really bothering to look back at Jongseob.
"I just asked him for a favour and he agreed. But now it's like he's backing out." Jongseob threw his head on the headrest.
"Look, whatever it is, you two can figure it out. You always argue about stupid things, why are you getting so worked up this time?" Keeho—who was sitting next to him—asked and placed a hand on Jongseob's shoulder.
"This is… different." was all that Jongseob could manage.
The vehicle came to a complete stop. "Y'all can talk about it after we're done with this fansign, okay? Just don't let it affect your chemistry in front of the fans." Keeho suggested and patted Jongseob's shoulder twice before undoing his seatbelt and hopping out the door.
The three of them exited the van and waited for Soul, Theo and Jiung to exit the second one and join them. Thankfully there weren't too many fans waiting outside since there was still plenty of time before the fansign would start. Jongseob waved at them and clenched his lips trying to force a smile.
They all entered the backstage area: Keeho, Intak and Jiung disappeared into the halls, probably looking for a vending machine, while Soul, Jongseob and Theo stayed back to have their makeup retouched. The three of them sat in those fancy leather chairs that look like they could belong to a hairdressing studio.
"Is something going on between you two?" asked Theo, who was sitting in the middle chair. His eyes were shut as his makeup artist was tapping a brush over his lids.
"What? No. Why would you think that?" Jongseob asked, pulling away from the brush of the makeup artist that was giving his lower lip a little purple tint.
"I can sense it. I have good intuition, y'know. Oh and Soul told me about it in the car, so that helped." He finally opened his eyes and looked at Jongseob, then spun around in his chair and looked at Soul, then back at Jongseob. "You guys need to figure your shit out before we go meet the fans. They will definitely see that something is off about you two." he said and tilted his head back, allowing the hairstylist to apply some hair mousse on him.
Jongseob sighed deeply. Theo was right. Fans were too observant, they'd definitely notice if the vibe between them was off and they'd make up all sorts of theories as to why. That's the last thing they needed. He stood up. "Get up." he told Soul.
The two went into the restroom of the venue and after making sure all the stalls were empty and that nobody could hear them, "Why do you keep doing this?" Jongseob asked loudly.
"Doing what?" Soul asked and leaned on the long counter decorated with three sinks and a singular bar of soap.
"This!" Jongseob moved his hands up and down in a showing motion. "You agree to help me with this.. thing! and then you act all weird about it." he placed a hand on his hip. "Why? Why do you do that?"
"Because…" Soul pinched the bridge of his nose, "It's just weird. Kissing is meant to be like, intimate, y'know? You don't just do it with anyone."
"But you agreed to it." Jongseob frowned. "And it's not even that serious, you're just helping me out. No feelings involved."
"Is that actually true though?" he crossed his arms. "The no feelings part. Would you just go up to anyone and ask them to kiss you?"
Jongseob rolled his eyes and scoffed.
"Why did you ask me to kiss you this morning?" Soul sounded like he was starting an interrogation.
"I told you, I wanted to write lyrics about it." Jongseob lied. He crossed his arms and started walking around the restroom, trying not to look at Soul. It was too embarrassing.
"Okay cut the bullshit." Soul demanded. "You're telling me you don't feel anything? Nothing at all?" he remained leaning against the counter, his eyes piercing into Jongseob's back, begging him to look back at him.
"Well." Jongseob paused and looked at the floor. "I mean, I feel something in the moment… But it's not like," he couldn't find the words.
He had indeed been thinking of Soul, of kissing him, of being on top of him, but that didn't mean anything. Who wouldn't want to kiss their friend when it felt this good? That didn't mean he had feelings for Soul himself. He had feelings for the kissing. It didn't matter that Soul was the only person he could imagine kissing. That was irrelevant.
"I just felt like kissing you again." he ended up saying.
Soul's face nearly contorted into a huge question mark. "Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?" he asked and walked right in front of Jongseob.
Jongseob looked at him and started walking backwards, Soul following. He was about to be backed into a corner like an idiot, and even though he still had enough time to move away, he decided to just let it happen.
"Am I just an experiment to you?" Soul asked, continuing to walk towards him.
"No, of course not."
"Then what will happen when you're done writing that stupid song?"
"We'll just go back to normal and-" Jongseob regretted his words before he even finished saying them out loud. He heard a loud BOOO soundtrack playing in his head and massive thumbs down emojis crowded his field of vision, like he was being judged by a live audience.
Could they actually go back to normal after all this? Shit, it really did sound like he was using Soul. "I don't know, okay? I didn't think this far into it!" and it was the truth. How could he have guessed that it would go this way? He hadn't considered the possibility of Soul taking it this seriously.
Before he knew it, he'd bumped his waist where the counter and the wall met. He was quite literally backed into the corner. His eyes met Soul's trying to telepathically pass him the message "Let's just stop this and move on" but it was obvious Soul wasn't receiving it.
"I want this to mean something." Soul said and leaned in, sneaking a quick kiss. Jongseob recoiled so fast that he bumped his head on the wall behind him. "Fuck" he winced.
Soul placed the back of his hand on the wall to make sure his palm could catch the back of Jongseob's head if he bumped it again. He seemed like he knew exactly what to do at all times. Had he rehearsed this? He wondered once again how much experience he had. He'd never asked, mostly because he assumed he didn't have any. Could it really be that Soul had dated people in the past? Without telling him about it?
"It does mean something." Jongseob explained. "I don't know what, but it definitely means something to me." he looked at Soul up and down, once at his lips, then once into his eyes, then back to his lips. As if they could communicate wordlessly, they both leaned in at the same time, allowing their lips to meet. Soul's palm got a firm grip on the back of Jongseob's head, not allowing him to move away but for a quick breath. His other hand reached Jongseob's cheek and his thumb grazed his upper lip.
Jongseob's body melted onto Soul's, their clothed hips thrusting together, as synchronized as their breathing had been the previous night. When after a few seconds Jongseob shied away, Soul's hand moved from his cheek to his waist and pulled him even closer than he was before. Soul's tongue was excitedly exploring every crevice of his mouth, which made Jongseob feel vulnerable, like a cat showing its belly. Something about the fact he had allowed Soul to study his body like this—in a way that nobody else ever had—turned him on.
The clinking of their belt frames and the scratchy sound of their jeans rubbing against each other functioned as a background audio to their kissing, though it wasn't loud enough to drown out Soul's frantic breaths or Jongseob's faint moans.
Jongseob's hands didn't know where to attach themselves. For the first few seconds they were frozen in place, like his brain was too late to send signals telling them what to do. He eventually remembered Soul's instructions and placed a hand around his jaw and another on his back, making sure not to grip the shirt too tightly. The fans would certainly notice if it got wrinkled in such suspicious place.
He found himself becoming less and less passive as they went on. Instead of just getting Soul take the lead, he allowed himself to become more bold. His tongue replicated what Soul's had done just seconds before, but a bit more messily. It grazed the edge of Soul's mouth where his upper and lower lips connected, but he continued unfazed and with a newly-found confidence.
The hand that was resting on Soul's back traveled down to his pants, the index finger hooking onto one of the belt loops and pulling his body even closer. Jongseob's index and middle fingers did a walking motion towards Soul's belt buckle, but he figured he probably wouldn't be able to undo it with just one hand. He realized in that moment that this was serious. It wasn't about the kissing, it wasn't about the song. It was Soul that he wanted. Just Soul.
Soul's hand moved from his cheek and grasped Jongseob's hand, stopping him from what he was about to do. He leaned his head back, "Not here." he said, his voice a little shaky and light. Jongseob thought that such abrupt pause would turn him off immediately but it didn't. Maybe it was the fact Soul's face was still so close to his, or that his other arm was still holding him in place, but he wanted to continue.
"I'm sorry," he breathed out. He licked his upper lip—which felt almost numb by that point—preparing himself for more.
"I think maybe we should go back to the others." Soul said and swallowed deeply. Jongseob's eyes traced his Adam's apple as it traveled up and back down in his throat. He felt the sudden urge to kiss it, but then mentally slapped himself in the face for even daring to have such a thought.
Almost like Soul had jinxed it, Keeho's voice was heard from the hall. "Guys, we're out in 5 minutes! Are you still arguing?" he asked. Multiple footsteps could be heard outside. "I didn't think they'd take this long." they heard Theo say in a low voice.
Soul basically jumped away from Jongseob, allowing him to turn to the mirror and comb through his hair with his hand. He kinda felt bad for the hairstylist. All that time spent making his hair look nice had gone to waste because he decided to act like a horny teenager.
Soul patted his clothes to get rid of the wrinkles and fumbled with his belt to make sure it was still tightly buckled. He cleared his throat and opened the restroom door. The members were right outside, Jiung had even reacher a hand towards the knob, which be quickly withdrew.
"Are you guys good?" Theo asked when Jongseob emerged from within the room. Under the hall's harsh LED lights, Jongseob realized some of his purple lip tint had smudged above Soul's lip. He bit the inside of his cheek hoping the guys wouldn't notice, but of course they did. "What's that purple thing?" Intak asked and pointed to Soul's face. The others leaned in and narrowed their eyes suspiciously.
"Bruise!" Jongseob exclaimed before Soul even had the chance to comprehend the question. They all looked at him. Five very awkward seconds passed in silence.
"I punched him. Hard." he eventually said, in staccato.
Soul nodded quickly three times. "He did." he said. "Very hard." his lips pressed together holding back a smirk.
The guys' eyes, still narrowed and accompanied by their furrowed brows, traveled back and forth between the two as if they were all connected via bluetooth. "We don't have time for this." Keeho concluded. "We need to be on stage in less than 2 minutes. We'll get the makeup artist to cover this up."
𖦹
The rest of the day flew by quite quickly, and Soul found himself on the couch of his dorm daydreaming about everything that had unfolded between him and Jongseob. He had been certain the members would interrogate them after the fansign was over, but they must've been too exhausted to even remember.
If they were questioned about it, what would Jongseob say? "Nah, we're just fooling around, it's not serious." he imagined him answering and felt a tiny stab in his chest. He slapped both hands on his sternum dramatically as if he'd been fatally shot and fell sideways onto the couch, his eyes meeting the TV. It played National Geographic. A new type of cat had just been discovered, apparently.
Jongseob walked into the living room with his notebook at hand. He stopped before the TV and watched for a second as the feline on the screen meowed cutely, then he looked at Soul. Soul's eyes darted onto his. Is he about to meow at me or something? he wondered.
"I'm almost done with my lyrics!" Jongseob said and raised the notebook in front of his face.
Close enough, Soul thought.
Jongseob plopped onto the couch and Soul sat up to face him. "I only need one more verse and I'll be done with it." he continued. Soul felt a little lump forming in his throat. He swallowed once in hopes of it going away, but it didn't, if anything it grew bigger.
"Wow. Nice." he managed to say.
Jongseob tilted his head to the side like a puppy. "What is it?"
"Well it's just.." he coughed, "Doesn't that mean this will be over? Once you finish the lyrics?" he pointed back and forth between the two of them when he said "this".
Jongseob licked his lip, skeptical. "I don't want it to be over." he admitted. "Do you?"
"No." Soul looked away.
"Okay, so it won't be over." Jongseob assured him. "I'm… serious about you. About this." He leaned forward, his eyes begging for Soul to look back at him. "I'm sorry it took me this long to make that clear. I was being a coward."
"It's okay." Soul tried to hold back his smile but failed. "So, what was like, The Moment you realized you liked me? How did you know I was The One? Was it my mastery in kissing?" Soul started asking, putting emphasis on random words for comedic effect. He was trying to distract himself from the feeling of his heart fluttering, and jokes were the only way to do that.
Jongseob slapped his shoulder playfully, but when that didn't stop him, he jumped forward and gave him a peck on the lips. Soul froze.
The two ended up in Jongseob's bed kissing each other with the passion of newly-weds. Jongseob was pinned to his bed, his hands all over Soul's waist and chest trying to get hold of every part of him even momentarily. Soul's hand had found its way under Jongseob's shirt, traveling from his belly button to his nipple. His fingers moved cautiously, reluctant to make any sudden move that could make Jongseob uncomfortable.
Their bodies synced up once again when grinding onto each other, the friction from their sweatpants creating this heat between them that turned Soul on more than anything. He felt Jongseob's tongue wandering away from his lips and falling under his jaw. He tilted his head back to allow him better visibility, and he felt Jongseob's lips kissing his Adam's apple softly. "Fuck.." he breathed out, shutting his eyes.
Jongseob bent his knee between Soul's legs and rubbed his inner thigh, which sent Soul's head back down. A grimace formed on his face from the stimulation. His lips, his neck, his thigh, his crotch, they all felt like they were on fire. It was like Jongseob knew exactly how to please him. He felt sweat forming on his forehead, which was rare. He never seemed to sweat even after the most exhausting workouts.
Jongseob's hand caressed Soul's chin and raised it up to meet his eyes. He must've noticed the tiny beads of sweat forming on Soul's philtrum like mist, because he leaned in and kissed his upper lip, wiping it all away with his tongue before letting his head fall onto his pillow. That might've just been the hottest thing Soul had ever witnessed.
A while later, after the two had been lying in bed next to each other breathing heavily, Jongseob got up. He sat on his desk, opened his notebook and started writing. Soul laid on his side supporting his head with his open palm and just started at him the entire time. After a few minutes, Jongseob closed his notebook and came back to bed.
"My lyrics are done." he said all giddy as he got comfortable using Soul's arm as a pillow.
"Congrats. Your song will go viral for sure." Soul laughed, feeling a sense of pride for having technically been the muse of a modern day poet. "Paint me like one of your French girls." he wanted to say, but he stopped himself.
"By the way…" he said, and Jongseob's glassy eyes turned to look at him, "If you ever want to write a song about sex, I'm available."