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"You've got to be kidding me."
Taira stared down at Azuma—or at her shoes, to be precise, watching her lift her right foot slowly, very slowly. The entire front half of her sole had peeled loose and was flopping down, revealing the bottom side of the lining. Now he knew where the almost comically loud ripping sound had come from only seconds ago.
"Oh my god." Azuma wiggled her foot, then tilted it to inspect the damage, bending down and twisting her upper body to see better. When she was about to lose her balance, Taira held out his arm, and she gladly accepted the offer, fingers curling tightly around his elbow.
"Even part of the foam is gone. I can see my toes," she said in an unusually neutral tone, straightening up again and bending her foot backwards as she held it by the ankle. Taira could indeed see the tips of her dark socks peek through the opening, where a part of the white midsole had been ripped off.
"How the hell did you manage that?" Taira remarked dryly, pointing at the little white piece that was lying on the asphalt.
"If I only knew. Well, my shoes are quite old," Azuma said, mirroring his actions and staring at the ground, clearly at a loss. "The sole has been getting brittle, but they were still comfortable, so I didn't think of getting a new pair. Though I did feel something odd when I went on a bike ride with the girls the other day. But I never would've thought…" She broke off, waving her hand at her foot. "Guess it was really only hanging by a thread, and all it took was a little stumble."
"This has to be a joke." The old Taira probably would've kept a straight face, not daring to let his true emotions slip. But he had realised he didn't need to do when she was around, that for some reason, she didn't mind. So he allowed the chuckle to slip past his lips—at the absolute ridiculousness of the situation, and at Azuma's baffled expression, as she still seemed to be trying to wrap her head around the fact that part of her shoe had indeed just fallen off, and that the two of them were standing in the middle of the pavement, her on one leg while he kept her steady.
"Oh, you think this is funny?" Azuma grumbled, carefully setting down her foot on the heel, and the half-attached sole swayed up and down like a leaf in the wind. "I need to get home somehow—how am I supposed to do that? The entire ground is completely wet, and there's puddles everywhere." She let out a sigh, then shoved Taira's arm away from her as his chuckles slowly but surely grew louder and louder.
"Maybe I can still walk like this." She tilted her foot, the sole bending in half instead of nestling against the rest of the shoe as she slowly pressed it down, mimicking taking a step. "Hm, no. This doesn't work. Do you have a stapler with you? Or some thread?"
It was the seriousness with which she had made these suggestions that caused Taira's last bit of composure to crumble. He burst out laughing, hiding his face behind his hand as his eyes squeezed shut, ignoring the familiar unease that always crept in at moments like this. To his relief, Azuma joined in moments later, the bright sound of her own laugh penetrating his chest and warming his heart.
"To be clear, I'm not laughing at you," he said when he had finally collected himself again, wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes. "I'm laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. I thought such things only happened in movies."
"Oh, it's fine," Azuma replied, a gentle pink colouring her cheeks as she quickly averted her eyes. Was this the first time he was seeing this happen? He didn't remember her blushing much in the past. But it suited her well, and the realisation made his skin prickle. "I would've laughed at you if it had been you."
"'Course you would've," Taira replied, glaring at her. "Teasing me is one of your favourite things."
"Ahh, yes," Azuma said, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, an almost dreamlike expression crossing her face. Then she quickly shook her head, and it vanished. "Guess there's no other way—I'll have to go home in socks." A shudder went through her as she reached down, already determined to pull off her shoe.
Taira couldn't believe what he was about to say. It really wasn't like him, and yet…
"Wait. I… I think I have an idea."
"Geez, Taira—You're really showing yourself from your gentlemanly side lately."
Azuma's heart was hammering against her ribs, and even though her voice sounded surprisingly collected as she teased him in her usual manner, she felt the exact opposite of that. She currently found herself on Taira's back, her arms slung around his shoulders, and—the most unnerving part of it all—his hands wrapped around the backs of her knees.
Her bare knees.
His fingers were warm and his grip was gentle, like he wanted to make sure he didn't hurt her under any circumstances. He was so incredibly careful with her, from the moment he had crouched in front of her so she could climb onto his back, and she realised it was the very first time that someone's closeness made her feel entirely safe.
… while also driving her absolutely crazy at the same time. Being in love really could be a pain sometimes.
Was he able to feel her heartbeat? She really hoped he didn't, for even though it had been more than ten minutes already, her heart was determined not to calm down.
"I'm doing it more for myself than for you," Taira sighed, adjusting his grip on her knees while they were standing at a red light. The movement came so unexpectedly that it made her wince, sending a jolt across her skin. He noticed and quickly mumbled an apology under his breath.
"Ohh, I get it," Azuma said, hating her own body for betraying her, "You didn't want to listen to my complaints about my wet sock on the way home."
"Exactly."
Azuma chuckled, noticing a very faint flush of red on the back of Taira's neck. The offer had come very unexpectedly—Taira, who didn't want to be seen with her by his old or new classmates whenever they stopped somewhere for food; Taira, who was always hyper-aware of his surroundings; Taira, who could spin thousands of stories in his head about what others must be thinking of him in that moment… had suggested to carry her home on his back.
"It'll be much quicker that way." That had been how he'd framed it, and after gaping at him for a few seconds, watching his eyes grow sheepish and his usual frown return, she had agreed.
Now, they were currently on their way to the train station, and Azuma still couldn't quite believe what was happening to her. They'd never been this close, and even though she knew this didn't mean anything to him (which couldn't exactly be said about her), she selfishly leaned forward ever so slightly, letting her weight rest against his back, and all her resolve to keep a safe distance so as not to make him uncomfortable again went flying out the window.
Oh, she was a terrible person.
"I must've done something very bad if I ended up as a donkey, carrying a heavy load through the city," Taira said after a while, breaking the silence. "How did you not notice your sole was about to die on you?"
"Hey, you were the one who offered! And I'm not that heavy." Azuma kicked her foot against Taira's leg, only to be baffled when he retorted by feigning to drop her, and she let out a shriek. Since when had he become so playful? "Besides," she continued, readjusting her grip on his (nice and firm) shoulders, "I'm carrying both my and your backpack. That something, at least, eh?"
Taira turned his head to glare at her. "And how the hell is that supposed to help me if I'm the one carrying you?"
His sudden movement had brought their faces close together, and Azuma held her breath as she stared at him, heart pounding in her chest. She was getting lost in his eyes dangerously quickly, blood rushing up to her face and turning her probably the deepest shade of red ever imaginable.
As quickly as he had looked at her, he turned back around again, his foot catching on an uneven patch of pavement. Had the pink blush that coloured his cheeks really been there, or was it only wishful thinking on her part?
You need to relax, Azuma chided at herself, racking her brain for something to say. He's going to realise what's going on, and then he'll draw back again.
Finally, her ability to speak started to come back to her, and she managed to tease him about how he was seeing everything so negatively, then praised him for how strong he was, bearing so much weight all on his own. Taira immediately shot back in his usual exasperated tone, leading to one of those verbal sparring matches she adored so much, and the earlier ease was restored.
By the time they reached the train station's area, Azuma had almost started to enjoy their current arrangement, her legs swaying back and forth in his grip, and his skin against her own didn't feel as unnerving at it had in the beginning. Unfortunately, though, there were a lot more people around in this part of the city, and she couldn't entirely ignore the funny looks and muffled sounds of delight they were getting from all sides, bringing warmth back to her face. She was fully aware what they must appear like—a young couple madly in love with each other—and there was no way Taira didn't notice them too. But somehow, he was much better at ignoring them than she was, carraying her along the street with a matter-of-fact ease that surprised even her.
Her eyes drifted across the street, recognising the familiar shops and food places they often visited, before settling on a particular one at the very end of the street, almost too far away to be visible from their current position. An idea popped into her head—a rather foolish one, maybe, but one that might benefit them both, and after hesitating for a few moments, she finally spoke up.
"Hey, um, Taira?" He stopped, tilting his head slightly towards her, a silent gesture she knew meant she had his full attention. It struck her how well she could read him, and how familiar the tiniest of his gestures had become to her.
"I have an idea—only if you have some time to spare, though, of course."
From all the activities Taira could have imagined himself doing after school, spending the time shoe shopping was probably the last thing that came to his mind. Given how the afternoon had gone so far, however, it might not seem quite so unlikely anymore.
He could've said no, of course. Azuma wouldn't have been angry at him; he knew that. She had even suggested that he simply take her to the shop and head home without her. And the more he thought about it, he realised she had actually never explicitly told him to follow her inside.
"Since we're already in the area, I might just get a new pair of shoes right now. That way, you won't have to carry me all the way home."
That was what she had said.
She'd been talking about herself, not about the two of them together, and yet he'd rashly assumed—as always—and had remained by her side after he'd carried her into the shop's women's section, dropping her off on one of the little cube-shaped seats and letting out an exaggerated grunt that had her punching his shoulder.
Maybe she was embarrassed by his presence. Maybe she didn't want anyone around when she was looking for shoes, and he was only being a nuisance, hindering her from shopping freely. Seeing her after school had become such a familiar constant in his day-to-day life that he almost couldn't imagine not having her around. And it had led him to assum that by "I," she meant "them." But this wasn't on the same level as getting something to eat or buying snacks at the convenience store. This was… more than that.
He had made a terrible mistake.
Taira directed his gaze at Azuma, who was currently trying on her first pair of sneakers. He was about to speak up, to come up with an excuse so she didn't have to lie to him and act as if she didn't mind having him around, when she straightened up with an exhale and jumped up from her seat.
"What do you think of these?" she asked, turning towards him and wiggling her feet. Her tone was easy and casual, interrupting his train of thought and taking a tiny bit of his worry away. Maybe she didn't mind after all?
"They're… nice," Taira said, watching her spin around to the mirror to take a look at herself. She was wearing all-black sneakers that had a thick sole and a profile that was so ridged he could probably stick his finger into it.
They weren't bad, just not what he considered her usual style. But he knew he couldn't tell her that. He despised being asked for his opinion when it came to other people's fashion choices. He had a clear view of what he liked for himself, but he did not want to interfere with someone else's likes because he didn't want to hurt them, even if they always claimed the wouldn't get mad. And hurting Azuma was right at the top of the things he would never have the heart to do.
"Your face tells me something else," she said, observing him through the mirror with an intentness that sent a rush of tingling across his skin.
"My face won't be wearing those shoes," he replied, gesturing with his chin towards her feet. "You have to be happy with them."
"I'm not sure," Azuma sighed, her lips curling into a pout as she took a few steps backwards and turned her feet from side to side, looking at the shoes from different angles. "I think they're a bit too clunky? You have to tell me if they look stupid."
"They're a bit bulky," Taira finally said, instinctively ducking his head, as if he were already bracing himself for the inevitable backlash. "Not in a weird way, of course. Just…" He broke off, making a vague gesture with his hands.
"Don't worry, I think I know what you mean. I'm not mad. I appreciate your honesty."
When had she become that good at reading him?
"Want to help me look around the shelves?" Azuma said, keeping on the pair of shoes she was currently wearing as she sauntered towards the closest section to them. "Four eyes see more than two, and you're still interested in fashion, aren't you?"
"I don't know if I can help you much," Taira replied, his chest tightening when he noticed the flicker of disappointment that briefly crossed her face. Why was seeing her unhappy making him feel so…. miserable?
"… But I can try to," he quickly added, rubbing the back of his neck. "Can't promise anything, though."
"Yay!" Azuma said, giving him a greateful little nudge on the shoulder, and her earlier good mood was instantly restored. She gave him a brief description of what kind of shoes she was looking for—"It has to be a sneaker, preferably white and/or black, nothing too colourful. If possible, with a thicker sole, so I don't look like a tiny dwarf whenever we're walking together."
"Alright, I'll do my best. Don't laugh at me if I bring something completely ridiculous, though," Taira said, a happy flutter stirring in his chest at being included. She did want him there; he had worried for nothing. "What's your size?"
For a brief moment, Azuma's composure slipped and her eyes widened in surprise, and Taira's heart nearly stopped. He wasn't supposed to ask a girl for her shoe size, right? It was a rude thing to do and far too direct, and of course he'd once again put his foot straight in his mouth. He wanted to sink into the ground.
Her burst of laughter pulled him out of his thoughts again, and he watched her double over as he wondered what on earth he had done wrong now.
"Sorry, your face was just too hilarious, you looked so shocked!" she said, making a poor attempt at mimicking his earlier expression while his current one grew darker the more she laughed.
"Do you want my help or not?" Taira grumbled, making as if to sit down.
"Yes, yes, I do. Sorry." Azuma placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed him towards the closest aisle of sneakers. "I'm a 24, by the way. What about you?"
"Don't see why that matters?" He threw a wary glance back at her over his shoulder. "You're the one who messed up her shoes, not me."
"Just curious, that's all," she replied with a shrug, letting go of his shoulders and stepping up next to him. She placed her left foot right next to his, twisting her body so it was easier to align them. "If I had to guess, I'd say you're a….26? 26.5?"
"27.5," Taira replied, trying to ignore the hand she had just placed on his arm to steady herself. It felt warm and pleasant against his skin, and its gentle weight felt right in a way he couldn't quite describe.
"Hmm, I see," she said, taking a step back again. He immediately missed her touch, leaving behind a void he didn't even know of. This was new. "So that's why you're also so tall. You're Bigfoot."
"Oh, shut up, that's a terrible joke. Go look for shoes, that's what we're here for," he barked, shooing her away with his hands. Azuma let out a shriek and backed away, ducking behind the shelves and peeking over them with pink cheeks before disappearing to the back area of the shop.
Her muffled giggles still reached him two rows away, bringing an involuntary smile to his own lips.
As Taira let his eyes wander over the rows of shoes displayed on the shelves, he realised that the sensation hadn't been entirely new, that he'd felt that way before, earlier that day.
He still didn't quite know what exactly had moved him to suggest he could carry Azuma all the way home. On his back. That wasn't something people just did, even if his offer had been purely out of kindness—the floor had been completely wet from the earlier downpour, and her broken shoe would've done absolutely nothing to keep her feet dry. But if it had been anyone else but her, they probably would've thought there was something deeply wrong with him.
At least she was already used to his weirdness.
She seemed to have taken it well, though—at least once she had stopped gaping at him, eyes wide and mouth hanging open in a surprised "oh"—and had kept teasing him as he walked on, her feet swaying contently in his grip. Her skin had felt smooth and soft, just like he had imagined (Not that he had imagined much, he wasn't a creep. But if someone had asked him what he thought Azuma's skin would feel like, that would've been his answer), and it had driven a bright flush to his face when he realised her skirt wasn't long enough, that his hands would be wrapping around her bare skin throughout their entire walk.
Yes, anyone else probably would've given him a hard kick to the shin and never talked to him again. What did he think?
He didn't think; that was the problem.
It had been the moment he'd set her down on one of the seats, when his fingers had slowly uncurled from around her knees, that he had felt that sensation for the very first time. He'd instantly missed the warmth of her skin against his cold hand, the gentle weight of her arms on his shoulder, and the way her voice had sounded so much richer and mellower when she'd talked, head close to his ears.
Was this one of those special connections you formed with only a few people? A friend with whom you truly felt free, with no walls or pretence around yourself to hide who you truly were, creating a closeness that made you miss them the moment they were gone?
Maybe. Maybe their bond had deepened, now that he was trying really, really hard not to let his mind stand in his own way. Maybe he was finally moving forwards.
Taira bent down, picking up a black-and-white sneaker with a purple line that had caught his attention. He held it up towards the bright lights overhead. The surface was soft, with a ribbed texture that gave the sole a vintage look.
Somehow, though, he sensed there was something more to it. He turned his head to look at Azuma, who was standing in front of the mirror again with a new pair of shoes on her feet, eying them from every direction. Her face contorted into a grimace, seemingly unhappy with the model, and he could almost hear her little disappointed sigh from across the store.
Taira smiled. She had become the one person he was most familiar with, and that was exactly why he would do almost anything to see her happy. Even if it meant making a fool of himself and carrying her through the city, drawing people's attention to the two of them.
(He wasn't stupid; he knew what went on in their heads, and the stories they loved to spin. The grin the saleswoman had given them when they had entered the shop, as if she were saying, "Ah, young love. How wonderful," had instantly put him on edge. What really worried him, though, was how unconcerned he felt about the whole thing. Azuma deserved someone much better than him, of course. But he could imagine so many worse things than being thought to be a couple with her.)
"I don't think I'll find a pair of shoes today," Azuma said, a hint of annoyance lacing her voice as she walked up to him. "I'm so indecisive, and every pair I've tried so far has looked ugly on my feet or has been uncomfortable."
Any worries and thoughts vanished from Taira's mind the moment he met her blue eyes, watching the expression in them shift from neutral to slight curiosity to obvious embarrassment. He knew he'd been staring at her a lot lately, but he needed to remind himself that she was real. That she had remained by his side throughout the years, and that he had to make an effort to approach her too, the way she had always done it.
Oh, how he wished he could catch this very moment and lock it in a glass, so he could return to it in the future, when things had inevitably changed.
"This," he said, rather awkwardly, stretching out his hand and holding out the shoe to her. "I, uh, found this. Maybe you like it?"
Azuma's eyes lit up as her gaze fell on the sneaker. She took it from his hand, her fingers brushing against his in the process, reminding him of his earlier daydreaming. Yes, her skin really was soft.
"I'll try them on—they look good!" Her bad mood had vanished in an instant, and she plopped down on the red cube, slipping off her current pair and gesturing for him to hand her the second shoe.
Taira's heart was beating in his throat as he pulled the sneaker from the shelf, his fingers shaking ever so slightly. He was responsible for this, after all—he had suggested it. Though he hadn't expected that a simple recommendation would weigh down on him so hard.
But the smile on her lips when she stood up and walked a few steps immediately soothed his nerves, and he trotted after her when she exclaimed how comfortable they were, wondering how many moments like this he had let slip away by shutting her out.
"I knew it—it was a good decision to have you around. I can always count on your good taste," Azuma said, unable to suppress the little skip she did when they stepped off the pavement and onto the road, the new pair of shoes on her feet making her feel as though she were walking on clouds.
Her old shoes were dangling on a bag she had slung around her wrist, together with the box that had come with her new ones—the ones Taira had picked out. Did she only like them because they had been his suggestion? No, they were a genuinely nice pair. But yes, the fact that he had found them made them particularly beautiful. She had tried on almost half of the shop's selection, though none of them had been as comfortable or as pretty.
"I hope you didn't choose them only because you wanted to make me feel better," Taira said, averting his eyes.
Of course. He had probably been blaming himself for her purchase ever since they had lined up in front of the checkout. She had noticed how he'd gone unusually quiet when she announced that this was the pair she was going to keep.
"Nah. I picked them because I genuinely like them," she replied, bumping her shoulder against his. "Hey, if I ever need a personal fashion adviser again, I'm allowed to call you—right?"
Call you? Girl, you've never called him in your entire life, where did that just come from? He had been right—she was too pushy.
Taira only threw her a dry glance but remained quiet, and Azuma's heart skipped a beat, her legs refusing to obey for a few moments.
He hadn't said no. He… he hadn't said no.
Pure, unbridled joy bubbled up in her chest, and she barely managed to suppress an embarrassing squeak as she set off after him, fully aware that she was acting like the lovestruck idiot she was—but she simply couldn't help it. She caught up with him at the entrance to the train station, humming a non-existent tune to herself as they made their way up the stairs, suddenly very glad for the mess her ruined shoes had caused.
