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i. denial (7:22 am)
It’s not a particularly eventful day when the realization hits Gavi.
If anything, the day starts off like any other: Gavi reluctantly wakes up, gets dressed and hastily wolfs down breakfast because he always manages to run a little behind schedule. On today’s menu is a smoothie reminiscent of sawdust both in flavor and texture, recently introduced by his nutritionist. He chugs everything in one go and manages not to make a face, which is a significant improvement from yesterday.
For Gavi, all is well until he’s getting ready for practice, lacing his boots and talking to his teammates in the dressing room. “Do you remember Jude Bellingham’s SKIMS campaign from a while back?”
Fermín, who is on his way to the pitch, water bottle in hand and all, comes to an abrupt stop the moment Gavi's question registers. “Um. No?”
Tightening his laces, Gavi snorts. “Really? He’s half-naked and showing himself off. I don’t know why, but I’ve been seeing the pictures all over my FYP on literally every platform. At this point I’m being haunted.”
Instead of replying, Fermín goes eerily quiet, prompting Gavi to look up at him.
“What?” Gavi asks with furrowed brows.
Fermín tilts his head slightly to the left and squints, like he did when they were kids and Gavi had a particularly bad idea that was obvious in its awfulness to everyone except himself.
“Gavi, you’re not going to like hearing this…” Fermín starts.
“What?” Gavi asks again, standing up. His voice comes out a little too high-pitched and frantic for his own liking, causing him to bite his bottom lip.
“You have a crush,” Fermín states simply. He punctuates the statement with a shrug, as if he didn’t just shake Gavi’s entire world to its core.
Gavi frowns and stubbornly crosses his arms. “On Bellingham? No way. If I had a crush, I obviously would be aware of it.”
Behind Fermín, Raphinha pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs loudly.
With a shake of his head, Gavi exits the locker room, muttering something about lies and slander and betrayed by my lifelong friend and teammate under his breath.
ii. anger (10:56 am)
Gavi is furious when he kicks the ball towards the goal but misses and watches as it flies past Rodri’s head.
Olmo looks from Rodri to Gavi with raised eyebrows. “What’s up with you today? That kick was strong enough to give Rodri a concussion.”
“Nothing,” Gavi grumbles.
“He has a crush,” Fermín explains, leaning into Raphinha who has an arm wrapped around him.
Clenching his jaw so hard he worries he’ll crack a molar, Gavi tries to do a short breathing exercise before responding. “No, I do not,” he hisses.
“On Bellingham?” Cubarsí asks, seemingly materializing out of thin air.
Wait, where did he come from?
“There’s no crush!” Gavi snaps. He kicks another ball, this time successfully hitting the net in the empty goal. It manages to tamp down his anger somewhat, but is far from enough to fully calm him down.
“You always bring him up unprompted,” Lamine muses, listing the so-called reasons on his fingers. “You talk about him nonstop. And you get really emotional and all, I don’t know, blushy.”
“Blushy?!” Without warning, Gavi starts running after Lamine who lets out a squeal, always pleased when he has successfully riled someone up. “Lamine, take it back!”
“Never!”
Fuelled by nothing but fury, Gavi quickly catches up and they start tussling.
“It’s alright. We don’t judge,” Raphinha says, tone too comforting for Gavi’s liking.
“Oh my God, shut up!” Gavi lets go of Lamine, who starts cackling, as if Gavi’s reaction to Raphinha’s reassurance is the funniest thing in the entire world.
“Hey, don’t talk to our captain like that.” Frowning, Fermín wraps an arm around Raphinha’s waist, further ticking Gavi off.
Gavi considers pointing out that Fermín is the one with a crush here, but unlike the rest of his teammates, Gavi has something called tact.
“It’s not a big deal, you know. No one really cares,” Cubarsí calmly says in an attempt at—what? Comforting Gavi? Although Gavi appreciates the gesture, the thought of a teenager comforting him about his love life kind of makes him want to wither and die.
“Yeah, even if it’s a madridista.” Lamine grabs his bottle and tries to splash water on Gavi when he flips him off. Before Gavi gets the opportunity to grab his own water bottle and splash him back, a whistle blows.
“Let’s get back to our drills!” Flick yells from the other side of the pitch, putting an end to Gavi’s torture, but doing nothing to lift his still-sour mood.
iii. bargaining (3:48 pm)
“You don’t think I have a crush, do you?” Gavi asks pitifully. Like his other teammates, Pedri is honest with him, but he isn’t quite as blunt or annoying as the rest of them.
Pedri opens his mouth.
“Wait, don’t answer that!” Gavi hurriedly interrupts him, deciding that he doesn’t want to hear the truth even if it’s told to him in a roundabout way.
Doing as he’s told and closing his mouth, Pedri looks at Gavi incredulously. When Gavi doesn’t elaborate, Pedri turns around and continues packing his duffle bag.
Does he have a crush on Jude? Gavi frowns as he pulls a clean shirt over his head. On one hand, Jude is attractive, hot even, and having a crush on him makes sense from that point of view, Gavi supposes. On the other hand, crushes are fleeting things, and Gavi doesn’t think whatever feelings he has for Jude qualify as fleeting.
“I think you should eat something,” Pedri states with his back still turned to Gavi.
A smile tugs at Gavi’s lips; of course Pedri is looking after him. “Thanks, but I have dinner plans.”
Pedri turns around and hands Gavi an energy bar, its brown wrapper sprouting claims of organic rejuvenation. “Have this, at least.”
Maybe organic rejuvenation, whatever the fuck that is, is exactly what Gavi needs right now. With a ’thanks’ Gavi unwraps the bar and inspects it. It looks… healthy; Gavi thinks he can spot some nuts and seeds in it. As soon as Gavi takes a bite, he grimaces. What the fuck does Pedri’s nutritionist have him eat? Maybe Gavi’s sawdust smoothies aren’t that bad after all.
“Would it be that awful, though? Having a crush on Jude?” Pedri asks and zips his bag closed.
Not knowing how to respond, Gavi impulsively stuffs the entire bar into his mouth and tries not to choke or gag. Pedri seems to like the bars for whatever reason, and Gavi doesn’t want to, like, be ungrateful and offend him by outright gagging.
After throwing his duffle bag over his shoulder, Pedri looks at Gavi expectantly as he fights to swallow the bar that his body seems to reject.
“I mean, if I had a crush, I’d be aware of it. Right?” Gavi mumbles through a mouthful of organic rejuvenation.
“No offense—you know I love you—but you aren’t the most self-aware person I know,” Pedri says.
With a mouth still full of nasty energy bar, Gavi whines miserably and hides his face in his hands.
iv. depression (4:17 pm)
Before leaving the dressing room, Gavi looks up the signs of having a crush. According to his brief research, a crush has several distinctive characteristics:
The first one is butterflies; a fluttering sensation in the pit of your stomach. With a sinking feeling, Gavi realizes that the mere thought of Jude makes his stomach flutter. The second characteristic is frequently talking about your crush—according to his teammates, Gavi does a whole lot of that.
Things are not looking good so far.
For most people, having a crush is exciting. But for Gavi it’s the complete opposite because having a crush on Jude makes no sense whatsoever. And Gavi likes things to make sense: Barcelona are the best club in the entire world, obviously, while Real Madrid should’ve been liquidated years ago to spare La Liga from their sinister energy and terroristic on-field antics. Simple. Although he acknowledges that they exist and are a part of life or whatever, he dislikes grey areas.
Anyway.
The third characteristic of a crush is looking forward to spending time with them, which Gavi does, there’s no denying that. Jude brings out the most intense sides of Gavi in a way no one else can, and being around him is always exhilarating. The fourth and last characteristic is your heart speeding up when you think of them, which, well, Gavi’s is doing right now.
Eyebrows furrowed and mouth a thin line, Gavi locks his phone and puts it in his pocket. Having a crush shouldn't make Gavi melancholic, it's just that out of all the feelings Gavi has for Jude fucking Bellingham, he didn't expect a crush to be one of them.
v. acceptance (6:11 pm)
Once Gavi enters his apartment he kicks off his sneakers and carelessly throws his jacket on the shoe rack, which he knows he’s going to be scolded for later, but whatever. As soon as he walks into the living room, he flings himself onto the couch. Lying on his stomach, Gavi hides his face in the decorative pillows and groans.
The TV is on, and even though the volume is low, almost on mute, it sounds like a match is on. A door opens and Gavi is hit by the smell of food. Having finally regained his appetite after eating the energy bar, Gavi realizes he’s starving. He hears approaching footsteps, and feels the couch sink as someone sits down on the other side of the pillows.
A hand cards through Gavi’s hair, instantly making him relax.
“I have a crush on Jude Bellingham,” Gavi states.
“Well, I sure hope so, seeing as we’re dating.” Jude retracts his hand so he can give Gavi a kiss on the top of his head. “And why are you talking about me in third person?”
Gavi sits up, looks at Jude and shrugs. Against his will, his heart speeds up and his cheeks prickle, a telltale sign that Gavi is blushing. Turns out Lamine was right about him being blushy.
“I just—I don’t know. A crush is childish to have, don’t you think?” Expecting Jude to agree, Gavi is miffed when all he gets in return is an incredulous expression.
“Your brain continues to confuse me,” Jude says.
Before Gavi can respond and tell Jude that it makes all the sense in the entire world, actually, Jude shoves the pillows to the floor. With a soft smile on his face, he beckons Gavi closer. Wasting no time, Gavi crawls toward Jude and clumsily makes his way into his open arms. Gavi lays his head on Jude’s chest and closes his eyes as he tries to listen to his heart, wondering if it’s beating as loudly and quickly as Gavi’s.
“I can’t believe my boyfriend has a crush on me.” Based on the mirthful tone of his voice, Jude has a huge grin on his face.
“Actually, I changed my mind. I don’t have a crush after all,” Gavi argues weakly.
Jude clears his throat which Gavi knows he always does when he tries not to laugh. “Gavi, why is having a crush on me even a bad thing?”
“Because I love you,” Gavi says earnestly. “Having a crush is, I don’t know, it’s juvenile.” Gavi moves his hand and laces their fingers together, then snuggles closer. He feels at home in Jude’s arms, and there’s nothing fleeting about that.
“I love you too. And for what it’s worth, I never stopped having a crush on you.” Jude squeezes Gavi’s hand.
Gavi squeezes back, but before he is able to respond, Jude leans in. Their lips meet and Gavi’s heart goes amok in his chest and his stomach flutters and he realizes that he never stopped having a crush on Jude either. With that knowledge, Gavi smiles into the kiss and pulls Jude closer.