Work Text:
"Kenji? I've been calling you for a while now… Dinner's ready." Kenji's mother softly called out as she stepped into his bedroom.
The lights were off and her son was curled up on his bed and facing away from her. Her heart ached seeing him like this; she could only imagine what it must be like to lose such a close friend at his age.
"I'm not hungry…" was all he mumbled in response, not even moving an inch as he spoke.
His mother's brow furrowed into a troubled gaze. He was usually such a cheeky boy… Seeing him so lifeless worried her. But judging by the way he was acting, it was probably best to just give him some time to himself.
"Alright, sweetheart…" She nodded understandingly as she stepped back through the doorway. "I'll set yours aside and put it in the fridge. Just heat it up in the microwave when you do get hungry, okay?"
"… Okay."
Satisfied with his answer, the mother smiled and shut the door behind her.
Kenji remained where he was, staring down at his pillow as he listened to his mother's footsteps fading away down the stairs followed by muffled voices, presumably his mother letting his father and sister know that he wouldn't be joining them.
He sighed.
He wasn't even sure why he was sighing at this point. Was he sad? Angry? Confused? Frustrated? Tired? Done with everything? Probably yes to all of the above.
Although, if he had to pick a single feeling that beat all of the others right now… He'd probably have to say that he was annoyed. More specifically, annoyed at himself. Even more specifically, annoyed at himself for being so damn clueless.
He knew he was stupid, he just never realised he was this stupid.
He liked Minato. He really liked Minato. Like, he really liked Minato in the way he typically felt about girls. It took him a stupid amount to figure that out…
… Why did it only hit him once Minato was gone?
He clicked his tongue in annoyance and he rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling, trying his best to ignore the soul crushing ache in his chest.
Looking back now, it was so obvious that he had a thing for Minato. But at the time, he just thought they were best bros; just guys being dudes. It was embarrassing to think about now… Just how much Kenji dragged Minato around in his attempts to impress Emi-… Kanou-sensei.
He couldn't help but chuckle quietly to himself as he remembered the look on Minato's face when he told him about his plans to marry Emiri. Minato was just barely paying attention when he told him, much more focused on his burger than their conversation. Just the way he looked up at Kenji with disinterested eyes and sauce on the corner of his mouth and muttered a quick "yeah, sure, whatever" before practically shoveling the rest of the burger into his mouth was hilarious to remember now. Of course, at the time Kenji was so absorbed in his daydreams that he barely paid much attention.
Guilt washed through him as he really thought about it. Minato must have found it so annoying, talking about their teacher almost every time they hung out… But even so… Even if he did find it annoying, he still comforted Kenji when he cried after discovering Emiri's relationship. He didn't have to do that. Hell, most people would have probably just said 'I told you so' and left Kenji to wallow in his stupidity. But Minato didn't. Hell, he even offered to buy Kenji some ramen.
… He really was such a great guy. A lot of people assumed that he was some standoffish asshole because he was quiet and had a practically unbreakable poker face, but he really wasn't. If anything, he was a bleeding heart; if someone had problem, he just had to help them. Whenever Kenji saw him around school or town, there was 75% chance that he was helping someone with something.
Although, thinking about it now, his poker face really was impressive. Barely anything made him flinch. That's what made him such a great partner in that improvised comedy duo show they did while cleaning up after the cancelled culture festival. His deadpan expression with those sarcastic retorts really brought the whole act together!
Kenji stared up at the ceiling with a stunned expression before letting out a disappointed sigh. He'd really hoped they'd be able to actually perform together at the next culture festival… Wasn't really any chance of that happening anymore…
There were a lot of things that weren't going to happen anymore… Like seeing Minato's eyes light up to the point they were glittering whenever he tried a new type of ramen at Hagakure's… or hearing him hum along to whatever song he was listening to through his headphones while cleaning… or being blown away by how good at rapping he was at karaoke…
It made him sick to think about how he was just never going to experience any of those again. All of them were gone. Disappeared overnight, along with Minato himself.
He'd never get to see that beautiful blue hair again, or stare into those clear azure eyes as Minato made direct eye contact while speaking to him. He'd never get to the adorable way his nose would scrunch up when he was irritated with something, or the deer-in-headlights look he'd get whenever someone put him into an awkward situation.
Speaking of his looks, that reminded Kenji of when he gave Minato that choker. He'd only made that choker for him because he noticed that Minato basically never wore any accessories; he thought it would be nice to add a little something extra to his outfits.
But then he helped Minato put it on.
It was the most up closer and personal they'd ever been to each other. Minato's eyes kept flicking about as he was unsure of where to look. The cool breeze had his blue hair softly billowing and blew the smell of his lavender shampoo into Kenji's face. He could see that Minato's lips were dry and chapped; he could tell which part was the area he tended to chew when he was nervous. He buckled the choker and placed two fingers underneath, gently pulling to make sure it was loose enough while Minato tilted his head back to allow him to see what he was doing. After he satisfied, Kenji stepped back and Minato placed his hand onto the choker. The image of his pink cheeks and sweet smile as he thanked Kenji for the gift was always going to be burned into his memory.
At that moment, Kenji remembered it made him feel… weird. But he just chalked it up to being embarrassed after giving his friend a gift. It wasn't until he'd heard that Minato had passed away and he'd starting dwelling on his time together with him that it occurred to him what that weird feeling was… and now there wasn't really anything he could do about it.
Kenji gritted his teeth and threw his arms over his face as his eyes began filling with tears.
"I'm such a dumbass…!" He chastised himself, rolling over onto his side and finally letting out all of the emotions he'd been holding in.