Work Text:
It's Just a Bracelet
It's just a bracelet, Kara tells herself. Lena doesn't know what it means. She can't know, Kara hasn't told her about her culture. At first she was keeping her super secret, then they had fallen out, and even now that they've reconciled Kara is afraid to broach the subject of the very thing that had driven a wedge between them.
So Kara knows that Lena means exactly what she says as she shows Kara the bracelet.
"It's silly, I know, but when I saw it I thought of you and... I hope it isn't weird? Or too much?"
"No, not at all," Kara says, despite an overwhelming urge to cry.
The bracelet is beautiful, a silver band with a few small blue gemstones set along its length. Lena pulls it from its box and bites her lip. "It's not as personal as a friendship bracelet, I didn't make this myself or anything, but I- I saw the stones and I thought of your eyes. I know that sounds so corny, but it's true."
"I'm flattered," Kara says. It's part of the truth; the stones are beautiful, and if she weren't an alien on Earth with an alien culture telling her that this should mean more, she would be much better off. Because she knows Lena doesn't mean it like that, like... like she wants to spend the rest of her life with Kara.
And Kara is only just coming to grips with the fact that she wants that with Lena herself.
"It's too much," Lena says softly after too long a silence from Kara. "Or too soon."
When Kara looks up at Lena she sees worry written all over her face, and she hurries to reassure her. "It's not too much or too soon, trust me, Lena. It's perfect. I just haven't gotten a gift this thoughtful in a while. I mean, can you imagine Alex buying me jewelry?"
"Oh Kara," Lena says, and Kara realizes she's traded worry for pity.
"No, I mean, Alex is great, she gets me stuff all the time, but anything she gets me is always so practical, she doesn't buy me something just because it reminds her of me," Kara says.
"Of course I know how well you and Alex get along," Lena says, sounding mollified. "So you don't hate it?"
"Never." That much at least is the whole truth. She could never hate a gift from Lena, even one as loaded with unintended meaning as the bracelet in her hands. "I love it," she says. She's pretty sure she means 'I love you,' but... time, she thinks. She needs time, and someone to talk to, and-
"You know this means I'll have to get you something twice as nice," she jokes to pull herself out of her spiraling thoughts.
Lena laughs, and Kara is glad to hear it, glad that the other woman is past her insecurity and concern for Kara. "Fine, but only if you only spend proportionally as much as I did, which, considering I'm wealthy and you're a reporter, means that I should expect maybe a candy bar."
"I'll buy a family pack," Kara says, "and I'll even save you two."
Lena laughs again, quieter, then she looks down at the bracelet still in her hands. "Hold out your arm."
Kara's heart stops, but she manages to freeze the smile on her face as her arm moves agonizingly slowly towards Lena. Lena slips the bracelet over her wrist in an imitation of a ceremony that Kara hadn't given much thought to before, and she can't help but stare down at the new jewelry on her arm and imagine it's real.
"Perfect," Lena says.
"Yeah, perfect," Kara echoes.
Kara isn't sure how she survives the rest of the night, one of her precious Lena movie nights, but at the end of it Lena doesn't seem any wiser to her internal turmoil. She gives Kara a lingering hug, and Kara only just remembers to thank her for the bracelet again, to show how much she appreciates it. Then, when she's alone with her thoughts, she stares at the bracelet, trying to make herself believe she can stand to wear it without the meaning it's missing weighing her down.
She sleeps with it on and tells herself it's just to get used to having something there.
The next two weeks are torturous for Kara. She wears the bracelet every day, stashing it somewhere safe when a Supergirl emergency comes up, and every day it weighs on her more. She gets compliments on it, from unknowing coworkers who think she has a new flame, to her closest friends who know that a bracelet from Lena is a big deal to her, to her sister who pulls her aside and asks her what she's feeling. She tells Alex she's fine, but she isn't sure how convincing she is. Luckily Alex doesn't press the issue, though Kara is sure she will before long.
Sometimes she thinks about crushing the bracelet in her hand until it's little more than a pebble then launching it into space. She could tell Lena she lost it; that would be believable, she's clumsy enough, and it would never be found hurtling through space.
Sometimes she thinks about buying Lena a bracelet as well. She thinks about getting down on one knee and showing it to her and asking for her hand in marriage. 'This is how I propose,' she would say, 'a mix of human and Kyptonian customs because we used bracelets there, but I've spent more time on Earth than Krypton and I love you.' She doubts she would even be able to get the first few words out without choking on them, and she's sure that Lena would turn her down.
Because there's no way someone like Lena would settle for someone like Kara. Because Kara is someone who couldn't even tell her best friend about her identity, not for years at least, not before Lena had found out in the worst possible way. Someone who lies as regularly as Kara does, whose entire life is built on lies, especially when Lena values honesty, needs it after so many people had taken advantage of her. Someone who's still lying to her about the meaning behind the bracelet, about her feelings for Lena.
But the more time passes the less normal Kara can act. She's sure Lena suspects she's losing her mind, since she can barely think when she's around the other woman. And she knows that Lena wants to ask, wants to alleviate the concern she feels, but maybe she's too afraid to press Kara in their still newly healed friendship. It won't matter, not when the bracelet seems to grow heavier every time she puts it on, not when her thoughts are consumed with a life she can't have, a life with Lena. It's an untenable situation that is bound to fall apart around her, just as everything in her life does.
It's another movie night when it happens. She doesn't plan it, she isn't expecting the words, but her thumb runs over the bracelet and her mind runs over Lena's words, 'I thought of your eyes,' and suddenly she's speaking.
"I have something to say," she starts, "about the bracelet, and my how I've been acting the last couple of weeks."
"I knew it was too much," Lena says. She opens her mouth to continue but Kara interrupts her.
"It's not about it being too much, it's more that I... view it differently than you intended," Kara says.
Lena frowns at that. "How do you mean?"
"I just- I have to tell you what it means to me, because you gave me a bracelet, and I know it was just a friendly gift, and I really like it and it doesn't mean for us what it would on Krypton, but- but-"
Lena places a hand on her shoulder. "But what, Kara?"
"On Krypton we gave bracelets instead of rings," Kara says quietly. "So when you gave this to me that was kind of all I could think of."
"Oh I- I didn't mean to be insensitive," Lena says.
"You weren't," Kara says. "I know what you meant when you gave it to me, and that's all it has to mean, but it just- it hit me that there's no one who would give me a bracelet for- for that."
Lena is silent for a few moments, then, "why wouldn't there be someone who would want to?"
Kara shakes her head. "I know a- a relationship needs to be built on trust and honesty, and anyone I would be with would have to know about me. But after what happened between us I don't really want to bring anyone else into my world, and... and I can't make the same mistake twice, I can't get close to someone as only Kara. But everyone who knows about me is- is off limits. So, yeah, no bracelet in my future."
"Kara..." Lena trails off.
Kara gives her a tight smile. "It's fine, really. I should have learned by now anyway that I'm not allowed to have a- a partner."
Lena lays a hand on her arm at that. "What makes you say that? You're- you're incredible, Kara, anyone would be lucky to have you."
She can only shake her head again. "No they wouldn't. If it's not the danger of being with Supergirl, it's my own selfishness. I messed things up with James all on my own, and then with you-" she cuts herself off. In a panic she tries to redirect her thoughts. "What I did to you proves I can't even manage a close friendship without ruining it."
Lena's grip tightens. "We both know you weren't the only culpable party in what happened between us. There were so many other ways I should have reacted, even with the hurt I felt. Just look at Lois. She certainly didn't try to execute an evil plot when Clark told her about Superman. She didn't even think of exposing his identity, and she had the perfect role to do so."
"She also hadn't suffered as many betrayals. She had a better support system. I mean, everyone you had was tied to me in one way or another."
Lena sighs. "Let's not retread old ground, especially when my point was only that we both share blame in what happened. And more than that, I forgive you for keeping your identity a secret. I hope you know I forgave you a long time ago."
"Yeah, I- I do. I forgave you too. Pretty much immediately, if I'm being honest." It's the uncomfortable truth. She knows she should have had a more difficult time forgiving someone who trapped her in kryptonite, who then went on to try to mind control the world, but Lena had always been an exception.
Lena smiles at her. "So you see, even if you mess something up with... someone, you have the capacity to make things right. And you, more than anyone I know, deserve a love that is deep and meaningful and lasting. So please don't say that you're not allowed to have a partner, or that you only mess things up, because as I've already said, anyone would be lucky to have you."
It's more than Kara had expected from this conversation, and it's almost enough to make her tell Lena that there is someone who could be that for her. That Lena herself is all that Kara wants, the person that Kara wants to spend the rest of her life loving. The person she's tied to by the very bracelet she's wearing. Instead she only manages a small smile. "I'll try."
They finish their movie night, and Kara does her best to pretend that she's relieved, hoping that Lena doesn't push her any more on the matter. They part quietly, with soft smiles, and when she's alone Kara lets out a sigh and collapses back on her couch, more drained than after most of her Supergirl fights. At least Lena knows why she's been acting off, at least she understands what's going through Kara's head.
Kara just hopes that she's shared enough to quiet her own mind on the matter. She can at least rest a little easier with the knowledge that Lena hadn't asked for the bracelet back.
It's a week later that Lena enters her apartment again. They've exchanged messages, but whatever project Lena had started consumed too much of her time for them to meet. Kara tried not to read too much into it, but seeing Lena enter her apartment with an air of hesitancy leaves a pit in Kara's stomach.
"I'm sorry we haven't been able to meet up," Lena starts with.
"It's no problem, I know how busy you are," Kara says.
Lena nods and continues. "There's something I've been working on since we last spoke. I've been thinking about what you said, about the bracelet I gave you, and how you view your chances at a relationship. I spoke to Clark- I hope you won't mind, and he was much more understanding than I thought he would be, though maybe that was only because Lois was there too, and- and I've picked up on your rambling habit." She gives Kara a tight smile and takes a deep breath. "What I'm getting at is, I have another bracelet for you, if you want. One that I made myself.
"For me, there have always been lines in our friendship that I was never willing to cross. Lines for what I was allowed to feel for you. Lines I thought I needed because I was sure that you would never feel the same towards me as I felt towards you. But if I'm being honest, those lines blurred for me a long time ago."
Kara gasps, and she wants to jump in, to tell Lena that she feels everything for her, but something in Lena's face stalls her. Something tells her that Lena wants to get everything out, and Kara can appreciate that feeling. She nods for Lena to continue.
"I think that's one of the things that hurt the most, when Lex told me your identity. That you could have had all of me, but you had only given me half of yourself." She holds a hand up to stall Kara's denial. "I know that's not true now, and I- I know there are things I regret saying, let alone doing, and I'm sure there are some regrets for you as well."
Kara looks away and nods. She thinks of all the lies she had told, then of the way she had treated Lena with mistrust as Supergirl. And then that night on Lena's balcony, when she had vowed to stop her, had called her a villain... it's no wonder it had taken them so long to get back to some semblance of normal.
As if she can read Kara's thoughts, Lena interrupts them. "I'm glad we've managed to come to a place of understanding, and forgiveness. I think, really, only you would have been able to forgive me for what I did, the part I had to play in so much of your pain. I told myself I wouldn't, that it just couldn't happen, but I know I would regret it if I didn't take this chance to tell you about my feelings. I hope... I've seen some signs that I hope I'm not misinterpreting, but even if I am, I just need you to know. To know that you can still have me, if you want. You can have all of me, if you want me. I'd like nothing more than to share your culture with you. To share my life with you. I'm not- I'm not off limits."
She takes out another jewelry box, deeper and wider than the first one she had presented to Kara, and opens it to reveal a bracelet just like the ones she had seen on wrists all over Krypton, a bracelet her own parents might wear.
"So, this is me letting you know that there is someone who loves you, deeply, someone who wants to be with you in every way possible."
With shaking hands Kara reaches out for the bracelet. It's cool to the touch, a few inches wide, and when Kara spins it around in her hands she spots symbols engraved on the inner surface. There's her own house's crest, the crest she wears on her chest, and next to it a symbol from another time, another world. The symbol of L-Corp, the symbol of Lena's strength and resilience while trying to correct her family's mistakes.
"Clark helped me make it," Lena says. "He told me that traditionally the symbols of the two houses being united are engraved on the inside of the bracelet."
"They are," Kara whispers.
"You don't- you don't have to give me an answer, or say anything, really. You can do whatever you want with the bracelet- either of them. I just... wanted you to know." Lena flounders for a moment, then shrugs and says, "Yeah, I'm not off limits."
"I can give you an answer now," Kara says. She stares down at the bracelet in her hands. "When you gave me that first bracelet I wanted it to mean what this one does."
She hears Lena gasp and she looks up to meet wide green eyes. She continues. "I thought- I thought that there was no possible way you could ever want this with me. That's one of the reasons I thought I would never have someone. Because I didn't want anyone else, I only wanted you. I only want you."
Lena reaches out a shaky hand and takes the bracelet from Kara's. "You have me. And... and I have you?"
"For a long time now," Kara says.
Lena holds the bracelet up, an offer to slip it over Kara's wrist, a repeat of her first gift, but this time with both of them aware of the meaning behind the gesture. Kara holds her wrist out, and when Lena slips the bracelet over her wrist she feels a tear slip from an eye. Lena's hands rise from the bracelet to Kara's face, and suddenly she's being made to meet Lena's intense gaze.
When Lena speaks, it's with a quiet voice that still captures Kara's attention. "What happens now?"
It's a good question. Kara even finds it difficult to accept that this is even real, that Lena had put a bracelet on her wrist and they had promised themselves to each other. "Well, I've gotta make a bracelet for you now too," Kara says. "And we should probably talk about what this means for us- like what should we call each other? Do you even want a label? What should we say to our friends? Do- do we get rings too? Is that too fast? And what about a cerem-"
"Darling," Lena cuts her off, "I think those are all perfectly valid questions, and we can answer them together, but I was thinking maybe we can start a little simpler, like... can I kiss you?"
Kara grins. "Yeah, yeah I'd like that."
A few moments later Kara isn't sure which feels nicer, the weight of the bracelet on her wrist, or the warmth of Lena's lips on her own.