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On Natsukis Things That Suck List there's a lot, including (but not limited to!): fantasy books, incels, fake friends and dictionaries (long story)
But, the thing at the top of that list, the one that really takes the cake, is.... drumroll please....: Getting Locked Outside In Minus Zero Degree Temperatures In Your Pyjamas Because Your Dad's In A Mood Again.
Yeah. That shit sucks.
And Natsuki didn't even really do anything this time! She was literally just sleeping when her dad decides that, no, actually, it's her time now, and woke her up just to shove her out the house!
Ugh, what a freaking jackass!! Natsuki kicks a rock, watches as it rolls down the slope and slams into the metal lamppost with a little ding! Did it have to be today, as well? She has school tomorrow, and the literature club!
She sighs out a breath, watches as it mists in the air. Her arms wrap around her torso, squeezing out the air. There are goosebumps speckling the skin of her biceps.
Natsuki is gonna have to find somewhere to sleep tonight, and pray that her father lets her back in, in the morning. He'll pass out at some point, drunk. She just needs to wait it out. She's done it before! So it should be easy-peasy.
But she's never had to do it in sub-zero temperatures. Her pyjamas are just an old, thin t-shirt and long, hello-kitty trousers. She has shoes on, managing to grab them before she was shoved out the door, which is possibly the only good thing about this scenario.
She trudges down the path up to her house, the concrete cracked with dandelions and other weeds peering up through the gaps.
She could go to a shelter but - they're not near her. Natsuki can't go to a homeless shelter since she's not homeless and that'd just be taking away a place from someone else. She could go to a women's shelter, but the only one of them is halfway through the city, which means Natsuki would have to walk through the city at night and god knows how many creeps would be out and about just waiting for a high-school girl to come wandering through. She shudders at the thought, then again because of the cold. It's like it's in her bones.
As she walks, Natauki drafts a poem inside her head. Trying to distract from the freezing hole opening up inside her chest. I went for a walk alone at night, it was dangerous and I was scared but I saw a girl with long purple hair...
The way she walks is a little towards school, but behind the actual building itself so she can go to the park. It's pretty big, actually, there's a kids play area and a field where they sometimes see boys playing football. Natsuki, along with Monika, Sayori and Yuri, will sometimes hang out there after school every other day, which is, like, pretty cool. She supposes.
She's heading there because there's a little off- bulding for sports equipment which isn't too nasty. Natuki camped out there last time her father chucked her out, and she didn't wake up robbed, kidnapped or with no fingers, so she counts it as a win.
The walk there is dark though. There aren't any lampposts, for some reason (like, c'mon builder's! You should plan for everything, including a manga-obsessed teenage girl walking through here after being kicked out! Pfff, men, huh?) so she's going in purely blind. She hasn't been here when it's dark before, Natsuki and the other club members always leave before the sun starts setting and when she came here last time, it was the middle of July and it was still light.
For some reason, her thoughts end up drifting towards Yuri. She would like it out here, it definitely fits her vibe.
They've become friends now, like, kind of, like. Best friends. (don't tell Yuri she said that!!) They text outside of school and have been to town a few times without Sayori or Monika. She's just so - calming. Natsuki feels calm with her, like she can sit there and just be, instead of talking with Sayori or discussing with Monika - not that she minds seeing with them! It's just - different. With Yuri.
Natsuki feels different with Yuri. Like she's being understood. They're not that different really. They both used to be weird kids, they're both completely obsessed with something (though Natsuki is a little more low-key - not of her own choice!) and they both feel like they don't really fit in with anybody outside of the literature club.
With anyone outside of each other.
It's thinking about Yuri - her head bent over a book, long purple hair shelding her face like a veil - that Natsuki foot slips, rolls on a patch of ice and sends her plummeting straight into the thinly-frozen-over water of the pond. The one she forgot about. Because she's a stupid idiot!
At first, she can hardly think through the shock of the water. It's bitingly cold, digging teeth into her skin. The breath is punched out of her lungs and somewhere at the back of her mind Natsuki thanks god the pond is only a foot or so deep or, with the way her brain is screaming, she would so drown
The frigid water comes up to her chin, but she is sitting down, legs pressing into the layer of dank silt at the bottom of his watery hell. She can't fully remember, but Natsuki think she must've fell in head first since her hair is dripping cold water down her nape. Not that it matters, the rest of her is just as wet and miserable.
She lies there like a lump for a few more - seconds? Minutes? She's so cold it's hard to think - before she manages to raise her trembling fingers to the muddy edge of the pond and heave herself over and onto the grass with a wet thump.
Natsuki lies there, face in the grass, shaking, every inch of her sopping wet and freezing. Her teeth chatter uncontrollablly. Eventually, she gains enough strength to push her hands - trapped under her chest - against the dirt and raise her icy body up and onto her haunches. Of course, as soon as she does there's a gust of cold wind that pushes through through her body like she's got a hole through her stomach.
"And now, Natsuki," she whispers to herself, trying to think through the bone-chilling ache setting in. "you h-have to make a plan. Get up and find a place with a phone s-so they can call one-one-nine."
Maybe it'll come true if she says it aloud. Maybe one of the mystical guardians from her managas can come down and save her.
Don't be stupid, she tells herself, standing on trembling knees, she feels a little like a baby sheep, they aren't real.
Trying to make herself move is almost impossible. Her clothes and hair are soaked through and she's dripping all over the grass. Natsuki remembers hearing something about taking... something about - about -
Argh! It's hard to think, like her brain is frozen too. She tries clenching her fists, but her fingers are stiff and uncooperative, refusing to bend.
Natsuki sniffs, refusing to cry - though the warm tears would be a relief to the artic tundra of her cheeks - she's just so stupid! She knew about the pond, and she knew she would be walking past it, and she slipped anyway, because she's useless, forgettable. A mistake, her father growls in her ear.
And now she has nowhere to go. It hasn't been long enough for her dad to have passed out, Natsukis already been over the shelter issue, the hospital is an hours walk away, down an endless highway and even if she really wanted to call them, Natsuki doesn't have a phone. She told herself she could go knock on doors, ask for one, but who is she kidding? That would've never worked, and if it did, what would happen to her?
A teenage girl out, past midnight, all on her own. They'd visit her house and find her father passed out drunk and then she'd be passed into the system and be swapped from house to house - maybe even have to move school. None of the girls know about Natsukis home situation (well, she knows that Monika has her suspicions, but Natsuki has neither confirmed nor denyed) so she'd have to tell them that "My dad is a useless drunk and he threw me out one night and because I was so distracted thinking about my stupid, immature crush on Yuri I fell into a pond and had to go to the hospital because I got freaking hypothermia and now I have to move schools because I couldn't just look where I was going. Buh bye!"
And then who would put up with her? Natsuki's not an easy person to love. She knows that. Jeez, does she know that. It's, like, the number one thing her father likes to tell her.
A choked sob escapes her lungs. She tries to shove it down, but it feels like there's a basketball or something else stuck in her throat. And once she starts, it's like she can't stop, helpless, choked sobs that rack her ribcage and scratch at her already sore throat.
She's just - she's so tired. It's like everything just slams into her at once, not sleeping last night, being interrupted tonight, being fucking freezing.
She sniffles, hugs herself tighter and sags against the metal gate to her left. It's cold too, but her skin hardly registers it. She's shivering so hard it's like Natsuki's being shaken. Violently.
You can get through this, she tells herself. You...
Her eyes almost slip closed, but she startles upright once she almost falls into the metal grate. She needs to move, to wake up. Do some weirdo jumping-jacks, jog or whatever. She just needs to warm up.
Legs stumbling like a newly-born fawn, she makes her way towards the centre of the park, where the football-specific field is. At the very least, there are some benches there that she can curl up on for the night.
She makes it there - barely - and collapses down onto one of the benches, pulling her legs up to her chest and looping her arms around them. Pressing her face into her knees. Her shivering is violent and harsh, like she's being rattled about, a childrens toy.
Gradually, Natsuki starts to feel... tired. Exhausted. Her eyes flutter shut, brushing against the skin of her knees, and her breathing slows, chest no longer heaving. Faintly, she thinks she should get up, run around and warm up. But her limbs are waterlogged, weighed down and heavy. It would take all the strength in the workd to open her eyes now they're closed and Natsuki is all out of strength for today. Maybe forever.
She can't feel her fingers anymore, or her feet. Maybe they've disappeared, she thinks, groggily and slow, like cold syrup off a spoon. Maybe Natsuki is fading away, and in the morning she'll truly be gone, just an empty space. She's starts shivering harder, if that's possible, great racking twitches through-out her entire body, like someone trying to dance off a spider. Her teeth are snapping together, trying to twist out of her gums.
Her breathing grows slower, shallower. Little puffs of breath escaping from between the gap in her stick-thin legs. Natsukis mind drifts, away from her body, away from the park, away from this entire world. Off to somewhere else; a dark, deep ocean where she floats on her back, the water is warm and caressing her body gently, like a pair on hands. It's whispering something to her but she can't quite make it out...
"Suki," it's saying, muffled. "Uki!" It says again, urgent. Warm water caresses her face, she leans into it. She's cold... why is she so cold?
"Natsuki!" The voice yells, breaking through the water. She jerks - there is no water. She's - on a bench? Why's she out there? And who's touching her?
"Ngh," she groans, closing her eyes. Natsuki just wants to - wants to sleep. "G'way." She slurs, words bleeding into each other like watercolour.
"Natsuki," the voice says again, breaking. Something within her says, that voice shouldn't break, that voice is soft, and smooth and kind. She creaks her eyes open, vision blurred, wavering. There's a face in front of hers, but she can't make out any of the details, just pale skin and dark hair that almost bends into the dark night settling around them. I know you, Natsuki thinks, sleep-slow.
"Why are you out here?" The voice asks, a desperate edge to it. Why is it asking her? She sure as hell doesn't know. Just leave me alone, I want to sleep.
"You're freezing." They say. "I-I'm calling one-one- nine."
One-one-nine? No, they can't.
Natsuki doesn't know why she can't go to the hospital, it's just like there's this bright, blaring warning at the back of her head screaming.
"N-no," she wheezes. And the person jerks. "Natsuki?" They - she - says. "Oh," she breathes, relief colouring her words. "You're awake."
"Ugh."
"Why can't you go to a hospital? You're - I think you're hypothermic, Natsuki."
"No." She chokes. "Y-Yuri."
A hitched breath. "I'm not going to let you die, Natsuki." She says, brave. Determined. "I-I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but I can't see you like this."
And then there are two warm arms wrapping around Natsukis torso. Her first instinct is to fight, pull away from the touch that is smooth and tender (too good for a sharp girl like her. Her sharp, rusty points will catch on the soft, warm edges, tear them wide open) but she's tired, tired and c-cold and she's been alone for so long. So she falls into it, head dropping onto a chest, fumbling hands being rearranged between their stomachs, thighs over thighs.
She's gonna be embarrassed about this, she can feel it, an intangible knowing. But that's not her problem.
She'll deal with it later.
🧁
Natsuki wakes to a pattern of beeping. Her eyes struggle open, flinching at the harsh, white light stabbing into her pupils. Her mouth is dry and nasty tasting, and every part of her body aches.
She lolls her head just as a nurse comes in, her eyes widening as Natsuki wakes up.
"You're awake!" She says, cheerfully, rounding the bed to fiddle with Natsukis - heart monitor?
She un-sticks her tongue from the roof of her mouth, wetting her lips before asking, "What happened?" Her voice is crackling, scraping up her throat.
"Your friend found you in the park," the nurse replies, writing something down on her notepad. "You had moderate hypothermia."
"Oh."
"Mhm." The nurse nods. "What do you remember?"
Natsuki thinks, hard. It comes back slowly, and she clenches her stiff fingers, nervous. "I, um. I was walking down to the park and I slipped on some ice. Then I... fell in the pond." She mumbles, embarrassed, face tilted down, dry hair - isn't that nice? - sheilding her pink cheeks. The nurse doesn't laugh, she clicks her tongue.
"Why were you out so late?"
Shit. Natsuki had been hoping she wouldn't ask that. Why was she out so late, why was she out so late. Um. Er.
"I couldn't sleep." She says, words rushed and jumbled. "That's- that's all."
"Right..." the nurse says, side-eyeing her, tone suspicious. Don't ask, Natsuki begs, please don't ask. Because I'm scared if you do it'll all come tumbling out. "well, you're lucky your friend found you. Do you want me to give her a call? She was going to stay but we shooed her away."
"No," Natsuki says, quickly. "can I go home soon? My dad's probably worried."
"We gave him a call," no, "and he didn't pick up. We'll try again later."
"Alright." Natsuki mumbles with numb lips. The nurse pats her hand and leaves.
She falls into a dreamless sleep.
🧁
When Natsuki next wakes, she's allowed to leave. Her father still hasn't picked up the phone, but with a little lying and cajoling and emphasis on school work, the doctor gives in.
"You should stay home for a day or two," Yeah not happening, "and don't go for anymore night time walks."
"Yeah, okay." She lies.
Her clothes from the other night were soaked through, but when they're returned, they're bone-dry and a little warm. The doctor gives her a smile.
"I asked for them to he washed just before you woke up." He says, and Natsukis fists clench in her lap. How funny it is that she hates lying when it seems to be all she's doing lately. "You can get changed in the bathroom, and then you're free. Your friend is waiting outside." He stands, brushes off his coat and goes to leave before pausing at the door.
"I feel like you're a good kid, Natsuki. It's never to late to ask for help." He says, kindly, walking away.
Natsuki scrubs at her eyes, just because they're itchy and if they come away wet, that's - that's none of your business!
She changes and ducks out of the hospital room, finding Yuri sitting on a uncomfortable-looking hospital chair, hands tangled together in her lap, face twisted into a strange mix of worry and... hatred?
"...Yuri?" Natsuki asks. Yuri startles, looking at at her with big, purple eyes.
"O-oh!" She says, straightening up. It's strange, being taller than Yuri, even if she is only sitting down. "Hello, Natsuki. Um. How are you feeling?"
Achey, tired. "Fine." She grumbles, fidgeting. It strikes her suddenly, that she's going to have to go out in public in her stupid, ratty pyjamas. That Yuri is seeing her in her stupid ratty pyjamas. Her cheeks flush hot and she ducks her head.
"Should. We should go?" Yuri says, standing up. "Oh! But I did bring you some clothes. Um. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I thought you wouldn't want to go in your pyjamas. They are mine but, um. They're clean! You probably don't want to wear them, and that's okay! I was just - assuming. I'm sorry, I just-"
"Yuri," Natsuki says. "slow down. Remember your breathing?"
"Um. Yeah." Yuri mumbles, turning her face away from Natsukis, purple hair falling over her face. Natsuki misses it as soon as her bright eyes dissappear.
"Thanks." She says, once Yuri doesn't sound like she's about to explode. "For, um. The clothes. It was... really nice of you."
"Oh!" Yuri squeaks. "It's okay. I'll just - get them." She finishes lamley, rifling through the large duffle bag she has and pulling out another smaller bag. Natsuki takes it, the plastic crinkling between her fingers.
She smiles at Yuri, for real once she peers into the bag. "Isn't that the only pink shirt you own?" Yuri - ironically - flushes pink (which looks strangely good on her - shut up subconscious mind!) And looks away.
"You said it was your favourite colour." She mumbles. Natsuki laughs, all in a quick burst, giddiness suddenly bubbling up inside her chest.
"Yeah, it is." She replies, hugging the bag to her chest and spinning around, smiling so hard her cheek hurt. Once she gets to the bathroom and changes, she looks in the mirror and sees that she's still grinning and Natsuki has to manually force herself to stop.
The clothes Yuri gave her consist of her one pink shirt - which is really purple, but she's not going to say anything - a skirt that's probably too small for Yuri, but comes down to a bit past Natsukis knees, and big, fluffy black jacket that practically swallows her. She pushes her face into the fabric before Natsuki can stop herself, breathing in lavender and tea and that new-book smell Yuri seems to carry everywhere. She pulls herself away, flushing.
She returns to Yuri and they walk out the doors together.
The atmosphere is noticeably more tense, and once they exit the hospital doors, Yuri finds her voice and breaks the silence. Which is nice, because then Natsuki would've had to do it, and she's far too confrontational to be gentle about anything.
She's working on it, okay?
"Natsuki..." Yuri says, quietly, fingers twisting together. "why were you outside that night?"
"I could ask you the same thing." She replies, voice unconsciously sharp. She winces at it, recoils from her own vicious nature.
"I couldn't sleep," Yuri explains. "I have insomnia, as you know, and I take walks outside when tea or reading don't help."
It's a perfectly Yuri answer. One that explains everything so neatly, Natsuki can't dig any holes into it. She buries her face back into the collar of the jacket, scowling at the ground.
"...I got kicked out." She mumbles, muffled through the thick fabric of the jacket. "And then I slipped on a patch of ice and fell into the pond. Happy?"
"No," Yuri says, softly. "I'm not happy. Not when you're hurt."
They don't say nothing for the rest of the walk to the bus stop. Yuri gestures for Natsuki to sit down, but it's a little silly since there's no-one else around waiting for the bus. Natsuki looks at her clenched fists as they wait for the bus, wondering if she'll say anything else.
"Do you remember what I told you?" Yuri asks, out of the blue. She flushes, but continues. "By the stairs?"
"We talked a lot by there." Natsuki states, but she knows what Yuri is referring too, knows that Yuri knows that she knows.
"If anyone even thinks to bring you harm, I will unleash hell upon them."
"It incudes your family, you know." She whispers, breath turning to puffs of white in the chilly air. Natsuki looks away, down. She swallows thickly.
"I don't want your pity." She says.
"You don't have it," Yuri says. "you're my friend. Any harm that hurts you... hurts me too."
That startles a laugh out of Natsuki. "You're so funny sometimes." She smiles, watches Yuris eyes track the way her lips crack, strain her cheeks. Her eyebrows furrow, and a slim, delicate hand, fingers like fragile bird-bones, comes up to her face, tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.
"You're pretty c-" She freezes up, turns pink and yanks her hand away as if burned. "Sorry!" She blurts. "I should've asked before I touched you, I'm - I'm sorry, I-"
"Yuri, it's okay." Natsuki grumbles. "I don't mind. I like touch."
"Oh," Yuri says. Her eyes dart to Natsukis hand, away, back, away again. Hesitantly, she reaches over and twines their fingers together, looking away the whole time.
Natsuki looks at their hands, the contrast. Her stubby, childish fingers next to Yuris long elegant ones. For once, it doesn't make her feel embarrassed, insecure, but it does send a rush of hot pleasure down her spine and she looks away too. A beat passes and she squeezes Yuris hand.
Yuri squeezes back.