Chapter Text
Paige hadn’t realized how hard it was to wait patiently and do nothing until her boss came back. Since she was but an intern, Paige had been left behind while her boss and their client left to meet with ACME’s lawyers. Being left at the office was miserable! They should have let her tag along to where all the action was!
Watching the clock was no fun. Isn’t it an intern’s job to learn things? Why wasn’t she out there learning? Ugh. Her boss should’ve been back by now. They should have burst through the front door, said hello to Paige, and scolded Bill for something that was out of his control. But no, that door was patently closed.
She couldn’t take it anymore. There were only so many ways Paige could keep herself entertained. Were it a normal day, Paige would spend her free time researching potential cases. There was a file regarding injuries occurring to cartoons near a fireworks factory she could work on, but her mind raced too fast to sit down and read. Even reorganizing all the figures on her desk served as a terrible distraction.
That surprised her, considering how much fun she had decorating her desk when she first arrived at the offices of Crane & Pelicanos. She got to add color to the office, something the space was sorely missing. A photograph brought from home was also on her desk, but she had it facing down. Looking at it only made her more stressed.
Her body needed to move. Paige stood up from her desk, her chair screeching as it was pushed away from her in the process. Bill looked up at her, startled by the sudden movement.
“Hey now, it’s not as though Crane is playing hooky. He’ll come right back when the meeting’s over,” said Bill.
“I know that!” Paige exclaimed, not bothering to stop any of her pent up frustration from seeping out. Bill squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away from her, expecting something. But Paige had nothing.
Her boss, Buddy Crane, was undoubtedly a competent lawyer. He was eloquently spoken, and his mere presence demanded attention. Though he spent most of his time settling cases, even someone like Paige knew that he was ruthless in a courtroom. It made her wonder why he continued to settle, when his talents would be much more effective elsewhere. It seemed like he only ever used his talents when arguing why Paige shouldn’t be doing something, such as not coming along with him to ACME headquarters.
“Pacing around the room won’t make him arrive any faster. Why don’t you help yourself to one of the break room’s iconic granola bars?” Despite the absurd suggestion, Bill was suggesting that with complete sincerity. He no longer looked like he was going to fall out of his desk, either.
“No thanks, I just need to be doing something right now.”
Besides, she was tired of those so-called iconic granola bars. They tasted oddly sterile, as though even the food in the office had to be as bland and corporate as the rest of the place. The offices of Crane & Pelicanos were as white as a hospital. It somehow made Paige’s blue blazer and hair ribbon seem avant-garde. Meanwhile, the offices of ACME were as colorful and eclectic as their products. Not that Paige had seen it in person. All she had to go off were pictures she had seen online.
Maybe Bill had a point, though. She should stack granola bars to pass the time, or maybe do something adventurous like actually read the nutrition facts printed on the wrapper. Those could serve as a distraction, for like, five minutes. Just the thought made her roll her eyes.
Just then, on the cusp of total exhaustion, she heard the sound of the front door creaking open.
Paige eagerly ran up to the front of the office. She watched as Buddy Crane held the door open for their client, who burst into the office alongside a gust of wind. Papers were thrown around in an instant, and Paige’s ponytail whipped around, becoming a tangled mess she’d have to deal with later. The mess did not faze her, however. When her eyes met with the client, Paige only cast an expectant look at them.
“Beep Beep!” said their client, which meant nothing to Paige.
Embarrassingly, she lacked the ability to understand the Road Runner, as well as the foresight to have taken a foreign language class to avoid situations like this.
She had, thankfully, become familiar enough with the Road Runner’s mannerisms to at least be able to glean something from them. His default expression was a smile— a far cry from his current, pensive look. Moreover, his neck was drooping, like a flower beginning to wilt.
“What happened out there, Mr. Crane?” Paige asked.
“Please, call me Buddy,” Crane began. It was a request he made frequently, and one Paige always refused. “But our client here didn’t want to settle. I advised against it, of course, but it looks like we’ll be going to court.”
“Is that true, sir?” Bill asked as he meekly approached them.
“That’s right. We’ll have two weeks to prepare.”
Crane let go of the door and walked inside, ignoring all of the scattered papers and heading straight towards an empty conference room. Bill and Paige followed after him, but the Road Runner did not come along. Instead, he stuck out his tongue, meeped again for good measure, and bolted out of the office before the door closed completely. With how short his appearance was, Paige could only speculate why he came into the office to begin with. He very well could’ve just left after their meeting at ACME headquarters.
It wasn’t as if they had to schedule a time for when the Road Runner showed up next. No doubt he knew the court date, and Paige would only see him then. For some reason, the Road Runner only showed up when he was needed. If the Road Runner hadn’t informed them about the coyote they interact with, Paige would have assumed the Road Runner had no social life. Even then, Paige wasn’t certain what the relationship with the coyote actually was.
Regardless, Crane had taken to marking up the large whiteboard in the conference room. He was writing down all sorts of things, though he made sure to specifically section off a corner and label it ‘witnesses.’
“...Anything else happen back there?” Paige asked.
“At ACME? Oh yes, your uncle was there. He appeared to be in good health,” Crane said. His words came out slow.
“Wow, our little firm is going to court,” said Bill, “I can’t believe it.”
Crane nodded. “I’m surprised myself. ACME’s lawyers do everything in their power to avoid a court case. No money could sway our client, though.”
“What about us? Now that I think about it, this case could drain our office dry,” said Bill.
“That’s true.” Crane forced a laugh. “I’m curious how this’ll turn out. Perhaps we’ll get a larger settlement down the line.”
“You sound confident.”
“Do I have any reason not to?”
Great. Just like that, the topic of conversation moved on. Crane was being purposefully obtuse, too. In some ways, the Road Runner was better at giving information than Crane was. At least Paige could tell that something that disappointed him happened at ACME. Talking to Crane, on the other hand, felt like pulling teeth.
“Did my uncle happen to say anything?” Paige asked.
“Naturally. He was the one who suggested he settle,” said Crane.
“But did he—?”
Paige got cut off. “I’ll make sure the two of you are reunited soon enough. You’ll see.”
“Does that mean I’m coming along with you to court?”
“That’s a good idea,” said Crane. Then, he turned back to the white board and tapped at the blank corner. “Do something about this first.”
“You want me to get a witness,” Paige asked, though it sounded more like a statement. She understood what Crane was asking for. “I’ll be driving out to the desert alone, then.”
“Bring water,” Crane smiled.
Perhaps it was a good thing they had two weeks to prepare, because Paige had no idea where to find the coyote. She knew he lived in a cave, but without an address, she’d have to comb through the whole desert to find him. It should go without saying, but the desert was massive. And had spotty cell service.
But it was also undoubtedly beautiful. Orange landscapes stretched on for miles, speckled by tall cacti. Dust washed onto the road like the ocean meeting the shoreline. In the sky, clouds floated across an electric blue expanse, none brave enough to stand in front of the sun.
That sun. It was unbearably hot, and equally impossible to describe in any cute manner. Her car’s air condition wasn’t the greatest, and actually had a leak somewhere, which only made the drive terrible. She felt like an explorer, stranded on a foreign planet. Given how far from the city she was, Paige may as well have been.
If only there was a big sign pointing to the coyote’s cave. Actually, since she was being delusional, if only the coyote was waiting on the side of the road for her. All Paige could find of him were coyote-shaped pits in the ground. Evidence he was once there.
Ah, but that was evidence that could be useful in court, too. Paige pulled off to the side, sucked in a breath, and exited the car. The heat of the desert struck her instantly. Still, she pushed onwards. The closest crater was only a few yards away, but just getting there made her feel like she had entered an oven. She could feel a line of sweat underneath her clothes, it was so bad.
Paige took a few photos of the crater. She walked around and took photos from multiple angles, even putting down a tape measurer to properly record the size.
She must’ve gotten a dozen photos of the crater before the image preview of her camera suddenly turned blue. No, that wasn’t quite right. Peeking above her camera, Paige realized that the Road Runner was standing in front of the lens. What she had seen was a closeup of his feathers.
“Beep Beep!” he said, a smile beaming across his beak.
“Nice to see you, too. I’m working on your case right now,” Paige said. She thought about asking if he wanted his picture taken, but Paige knew that wasn’t why he was here.
The Road Runner stood on one leg, holding up a foot and pointed towards the bottom of a cliff in the distance. Paige squinted at the direction he was pointing at, lamenting that she hadn’t brought binoculars with her. What a blunder! She was usually more prepared than that.
Nonetheless, Paige was just able to make out a shadowy entrance to a cave. Just like that, Paige had found the location of the coyote’s hideout. She didn’t think she had spotted that without the Road Runner’s help.
“Thanks!” Paige exclaimed, burning with a newfound eagerness to get to work. Who cared if it was impossibly hot outside? She had work to do!
The Road Runner was faster than her, though. In an instant, a blue streak zoomed right passed her and then suddenly he was standing on the roof of her car. The sight reminded her of a weather vane, silly as the comparison was.
By the time Paige made it back to the car, which was only a few seconds, the Road Runner had moved again. He had hopped off the car, but did not scurry much further. The Road Runner did run ahead, yes, but they did so only to act as a sort of guidepost. He pointed to where Paige could take her car, when to turn, and whatnot. Basically, he was a total lifesaver. Navigating the desert actually became manageable.
To Paige’s surprise, the Road Runner was actually quite committed to the case. Officially, he was suing ACME over damages caused to the environment. Hence, Paige stopped to take photos of the crater. It looked like suing the coyote would’ve made more sense, though. And yet, Paige was glad they were going against ACME. She’d be happy to take the case either way, but knowing that it put her one step closer to seeing her uncle again was undoubtedly a motivator.
Though all that was still weeks away. First, she had to meet with the coyote.
Paige drove as far as she could take her car, but the final stretch of the journey required a walk. When she exited her car a second time, she couldn’t help but stare at it. The sides were caked with dust! Her car might turn orange by the time she got back to the office.
Putting that aside, Paige turned back to the direction of the cave. Thankfully, all she had to do was walk, and getting to the cave didn’t require any climbing. She was totally prepared to do that, though. While she neglected to bring binoculars, she did bring rope. It got left in the car as she began her trek, however.
As for the Road Runner’s help, it did not extend any further than to the entrance of the cave. He waited outside, making sure Paige could make it without any trouble. Very thoughtful of him, Paige thought.
“Thanks again for all this, I’m really grateful,” said Paige.
“Beep Beep!” the Road Runner exclaimed, no doubt wishing her well.
Hidden away from the sun, the inside of the cave was actually very cool. It wasn’t as cold as the office was, luckily. That place may as well be as cold as a wax museum. As for the cave, it was actually a liveable temperature, albeit incredibly dark as well. Seriously, if Paige wasn’t careful, she might trip over a box or walk into a filing cabinet.
Very strange things to keep in a cave, Paige noted. She thought there’d be bones or something, but it seemed the coyote treated the cave like a legitimate residence. There was even a television set in one corner, though the model looked to be decades old.
“Hello?” Paige went, suddenly unsure if the coyote was even home. Her voice echoed across the cave, going unanswered.
She’d be there a while, evidently. Paige took out her phone and used it as a flashlight. blueprints were scattered across the cave’s floor, and Paige decided to read a few of them. Some of them were hackneyed schemes on how to capture the Road Runner step by step using ACME products. Others were legitimate schematics on how to build wholly original machines, also probably used to capture the Road Runner. No doubt those plans backfired constantly, though.
At least it meant he wasn’t putting craters in the ground for the hell of it.
That made sense. The coyote was a predator by trade, then. In a way, he and the Road Runner were coworkers.
Paige continued walking around, and the light from her phone eventually found the coyote. He was curled up into a little ball, sleeping. He watched as his chest rose and fell with each breath he took. The sight was admittedly very cute, and Paige felt bad for intruding. But she had a job to do.
“Excuse me,” said Paige. The coyote perked an ear up, but he did not otherwise acknowledge her. “I wanted to talk to you about the Road Runner.”
Eyes still closed, the coyote swiftly held up a sign. ‘Go away,’ it said.
“Sorry, I should introduce myself. My name is Paige, and I’m with Crane & Pelicanos. And you are..?”
He tossed a business card at her, still refusing to get up from his spot. The card was faded, the edges were warped, and it honestly looked like it might have once been on fire. Still, it was legible. The name on the card said Wile E Coyote. It also said that he was a genius, had a brain, and was willing to travel.
“That’s perfect!” went Paige. “You should have no problems testifying in court!”
‘I’m on holiday,’ said the coyote— er, Wile E’s next sign.
“The Road Runner will be there. Isn’t it your job to be near him, ready to strike and all that?”
Only then did Wile E pick up his head and look at Paige. He had such sharp yellow eyes, but they looked tired and aloof. ‘I’m on holiday,’ he repeated.
“For how long?”
The sign flipped around. ‘Indefinitely.’
“That’s not good enough for the law,” said Paige. She pulled out a folded up piece of paper and set it down in front of Wile E. It was a summons notice. “You’re obligated to show up.”
Wile E huffed and blew on the paper, causing it to float away. Then, he got up and stomped towards a box of signs. As he rummaged through them, Paige noticed how skinny the coyote was. He may have been acting intimidating, but Wile E looked like he was starving.
After a moment, Wile E pulled out a sign. All it said was ‘I’m staying here.’
“But you need to be there! You just have to!”
Frustration was welling up inside of her. It had been there for a while, but dealing with the coyote made the feeling too strong to ignore. If she couldn’t even accomplish this, then what hope did she have to see her uncle? What made it so impossible for Wile E to leave the cave?
“Are you really on holiday, or are you just giving up?” Paige grumbled.
Totally a blind accusation, and Paige knew that, but Wile E’s inaction just didn’t make sense. Wile E clearly wasn’t one to give up easily— the blueprints made that fact obvious, but he just didn’t seem interested in the Road Runner any longer.
Yes, the Road Runner was fast, and probably maddeningly difficult to catch, as well. But the Road Runner had to stay in the court room during the trial! That was the perfect spot to capture him. Surely Wile E might want to at least take advantage of that.
As for Wile E himself, he didn’t take too kindly to Paige’s insinuation. He narrowed his eyes and held up a fresh sign that simply said ‘No.’
“I’m trying to capture someone, too.” Paige tried not too, but her voice sounded disheartened. “He’s been out of my reach for a while now, but I’m still going to try.”
‘Good for you,’ said Wile E’s sign.
“I think it would be good for you, too. Not to give up on your own chase, I mean,” said Paige.
The coyote had no response. That was fine, Paige had said all she could. Anything else would’ve been too much. The kind of stuff reserved for crying into a pillow late at night. She’d keep that bottled up for now.
Paige left Wile E’s cave, surprised to see the Road Runner still waiting outside. He even stuck out his tongue at her. It was silly, but it made her smile again. She had only realized it then, but Paige got really bummed out while talking to Wile E.
She looked up at the sky. Not that anything had changed. It was just as bright and unrelenting as before. There was still time. If she couldn’t get a witness, there'd just have to be some other avenue to explore.
“Do you happen to carry signs?” Paige asked on a whim.
The answer was apparently yes, as the Road Runner held up a sign. ‘Road Runners can’t read,’ it said.
“I see,” said Paige. She wanted to laugh.