Work Text:
"Have you heard people are saying you're on steroids?"
Derby and Bif were peacefully smoking on the Harrington House balcony and completely unprompted Derby just had to drop the most horrid rumor that could have ever come around. Bif lowered his smoke as he felt himself start to sweat.
"Well I'm not," he said firmly, rolling the cig between his fingers.
Derby turned to him, an elbow resting on the metal railing. He looked him up and down, almost as if trying to see if he could tell.
Bif shuddered, "Stop doing that man, it's creepy."
Derby ignored him.
"You know, you used to be tiny, like pipsqueak tiny...but now you're taller than me. And far more muscular," Derby said casually.
Bif knew what he was insinuating but chose to act dense.
"Well yeah, I know that better than anyone. And that's how growing up works," he scoffed, busying himself with the cig again.
Derby was right of course, Bif'd been the smallest freshman probably ever, about 4'10"? 5'? He forgot, but he was small. He'd been thrown around a lot. He took a drag off the cig, it was bad, he didn't really like the lavender. Cheaper than usual too by taste of it. God he missed nicotine....
Derby rolled his eyes, "Obviously but you're massive now, It can't all be natural."
Well it would've been, Bif thought to himself, rolling his eyes back at Derby.
Hesitantly, Derby assured him, "I won't tell, I bet some of the others are on some, I just want to know because I've been...I've been hearing these things around for some time you know? Just some clarification would be nice."
Bif could tell that he'd been suspicious, he knew he'd been suspicious, but he really wished Derby would just SAY that instead of trying to remain polite about it. Truth be told there wasn't any polite way to accuse someone of using roids. It was annoying.
He did have a...confession to make, one that would maybe that would get him off his back. But he didn't really wanna make it to him, or to anyone. But maybe he needed to.
"Well depends on what you count as natural. Cuz..." Bif paused.
Did he REALLY need to do this? More importantly did he want to?
He'd rather die, to be honest, but having Derby think he was cheating his way to being his best man was even more awful than...well, er. Than...whatever he was supposed to tell him.
Bif let out a long sigh, stamping out his cig so he didn't have anything to distract him.
"Well I do take them in a way, but only to...maintain some things, I wasn't always...you know...," Bif gestured to himself and desperately hoped Derby was as smart as he liked to boast because there was no way in hell he was finishing that sentence.
Derby raised an eyebrow, "What could you possibly mean by that?"
Bif groaned, throwing his hands up in frustration, "Fuck, I don't know! Figure it out yourself! But I'm not doing steroids to cheat or whatever!"
Derby raised his eyebrows as high as botox could let them, it was then Bif realized he'd probably incriminated himself, even if he wasn't sure how.
"Well you don't have to be so crude about it," he drawled, "and violent and angry impulses are a sign someones on steroids by the way..."
Bif laughed dryly, "Well what do want me to say? You're accusing and prying about shit I don't really wanna talk about. And that's a myth. It's only like that if you were already an ass which I am no—"
Derby snorted.
Bif continued with a red face, "—well...I guess I am but it's not because of steroids. And you act as if you're not."
A heavy silence hung between them, Derby side eyed him as Bif tried to do anything but make eye contact. Suspicious, yes, but he couldn't help but feel if he did meet those icy blue—well, icy brown eyes he'd crumble into a fine dust.
Derby gave him another once over, "You can tell me anything you know, even if you're a...homosexual or something, though it'd be preferred if you weren't. I'm not going to cast you out of the social circle."
Bif ran a hand through his hair in frustration, "I'm not a fag, Derby!" he saw Derby lift a brow, "Well, I—this isn't about that at ALL, I dunno where you even got that from. I'm not though. I-I have a girlfriend! It's just..."
He pinched the bridge of his nose, he really shouldn't have brung it up. Fuck. Derby'd see him way different. And it'd change what they had for sure...well not like they DID have anything...but he...they were...whatever. Not like it mattered. It did.
It mattered far too much.
"I don't wanna tell you," Bif said finally.
Derby sighed, "Well CLEARLY, but if you're not going to then fine. I won't pry. Any further," he paused for a moment, looking out onto the school campus.
It was a very, very quiet night. Everyone was already in the dorms meaning it was past eleven, and the prefects weren't bothering to come close to Harrington House. Bif looked up, the stars were really pretty, one of the upsides of living in this dump he supposed....It seemed as if they were the only two people on earth. Derby rested his head on his hands, letting the cig hang from his lips. He always managed to look good, for some reason, even when Bif was pissed at him.
"Why don't you trust me, Bif? I know I have my...habits, but you're my right hand man. I thought you'd think more highly of me than this."
At first it didn't register in Bif's head that Derby was speaking from how soft his voice sounded as the words fell out of his mouth. There was something sad to be found in Derby's expression too, Bif didn't really know what though. It wasn't very often he'd see anything of the sort in anyone, much less Derby Harrington. Bif turned his attention away from Derby's face before he could think on it further.
"I do, I trust you a lot, It's just...it's cuz I don't want you to think differently of me. You will if I tell you," Bif explained, his voice quieter now.
He felt like crying. Just a little. Well, it'd been hard to ever since sophomore year when he started, so it's not like he woud anyway.
Derby sighed heavily.
"I doubt it. And I hope you find the courage to tell me one day."
Bif shook his head, "I...I won't. Call me a coward but I won't. Ever. Figure it out yourself."
Derby looked outward still, expression unmoving, "Hm...fine then. Okay. I trust it's nothing dubious. It's clearly important to you. Perhaps...."
He trailed off, as if unsure how to use the words he wanted to say, "Perhaps it was...not in anyone's best interest to pry."
Bif scoffed, "Ya think? Thanks though. I guess."
Derby nodded.
"Anything for you."
Bif stiffened, "I...I wish I could say the same."
"I know."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm...I know."