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"Why do you spend so much time with me?"
The question slips, right as Gao is about to chow down on his third slice of pizza. By this point, his fingers gleam with leftover grease and red chili flakes, and his mouth is hanging open as hungrily as ever.
Confusion soon replaces it, and he sets down the slice on his plate. "Why…? Because I like hanging out with you, duh."
"Yuh uh, but—" But I don't share the same feelings you have, so why set yourself up for disappointment? The elaboration goes unsaid, but Gao hears it anyway. Of course he does, because he's spent most of his life right beside him, and the ability to read his mind might have been acquired that way, but Kazuyoshi digresses. Gao has always been frighteningly emotionally aware.
Gao laughs, and takes a big bite out of his pizza. Past the dough, sauce, and cheese all chewed up in his mouth, he says, "Why does that matter? You're still the same old Kazu."
Kazuyoshi's world spins on its axis at that moment. He hasn't changed much from childhood, he doesn't think. He still likes aji furai. He still overthinks beyond what is necessary. He still has an affinity for baseball caps, but they aren't indicative of his supposed love for baseball.
He still wants Gao to bother him until they're old.
"Swallow your food before you talk."
"Yes, of course, mother." Gao accedes with a grin, looking much too happy for a guy whose feelings will never be reciprocated.
But maybe they don't have to be. Maybe they can just exist like this, like they have been doing all these years without a word of complaint. Gao was energetic, sure, and that could grate on his nerves at times. They could. They never have. He could talk his head off and Kazuyoshi would be unbothered, content to listen quietly or offer his thoughts, unfiltered or not.
It didn't matter either way. He could just be, and Gao seemed perfectly fine with that arrangement.
Just as he seems to be for this arrangement. Exploring new places together and spending most of their free time together, just as it was in elementary school. Holding hands from time to time, uncaring of who saw—not that they really cared anyway.
Gao loves him, but he can't ever feel the same way. Maybe that's okay.
It's hard for Kazuyoshi to not feel that way. After all, they're together in a diner and Gao is pressing his shoes against his under the table, and he cuts a comforting presence under the soft yellow light overhead the table.
"You really don't mind?"
"I wouldn't be here otherwise." Gao shrugs, popping a few fries into his mouth. "I have legs to run away with, you know."
Kazuyoshi lets a smile escape him. "You do?"
"They're kicking you right now."
"I hadn't noticed. What a coinkydink."
Gao sighs. "You and your strange phrases."
He pauses, reaching for his drink and slurping from it noisily. Then—
"Hey. You're not trying to get rid of me, are you?"
"Ooh, no. I wouldn't dream of it. Your company is far too appreciated for such conspiracies."
"You're not getting rid of me," he announces with finality, and shimmies himself firmly into his booth seat and parks both feet down on the ground properly. Determination glints in his eyes, and it reminds Kazuyoshi of a barnacle. One that latches onto a dock's foundation, or a crab, and refuses to ever let go unless pliers are involved.
Was he the crab? He much rather preferred being a serval.
"Mhm. You're a barnacle."
"Wh—I am not a barnacle."
"Could've fooled me otherwise. I've never been very willing to get rid of you."
At this, Gao beams, and Kazuyoshi thinks him to be a strange one indeed. Who else would consider that a compliment or reassurance? Until now, he's been the only one to get so happy at such blasé words and look at Kazuyoshi as if he had brought down the sun to him. Metaphorically speaking, for sure, since the sun would scorch them alive, but they really didn't require grand gestures to keep this relationship of theirs going.
They didn't even know to define it in the first place.
"You're too lazy to."
"I'm too lazy to," Kazuyoshi agrees. "And it would be too inconvenient to find someone else."
"You said it. No one lets me talk about random trivia nobody cares about otherwise."
I care a lot actually, Kazuyoshi whispers inside his head. He doesn't say it out loud, because Gao understands him enough to know that this is a well-known fact. It's been known since they were children—he cares much too quietly, too much all at once, and the only way he can express it is with serene indifference. On the contrary, his mind is like a never-ceasing storm. Always churning, always thinking, and it overwhelms him so much that he doesn't know what words to conjure up for this chaos most times.
He doesn't have to, with Gao. With him, Kazuyoshi might as well be an open book.
(Gao takes the violence of his storm and wrangles it to calm.)
"…I care."
"Yeah, I know." Gao's smile is stunning even with sauce smeared across his lips. "Especially when I talk about servals."
"They hunt flamingoes, Gao. Flamingoes. How does that even work? Imagine if you were a serval and you saw a pink, long bird. Would you think 'ooh, dinner'?"
"If it's tasty! What do you think flamingoes even taste like? Chicken?"
"Dye yourself pink and maybe we can find out."
A snort, and Kazuyoshi dissolves into laughter as well. "No way, are you calling me a flamingo?"
"You're long. And flamboyant. And loud."
"Gee, thanks."
More laughter follows, and Gao nearly chokes on his last bite, and Kazuyoshi decides that he likes hanging out with him too. They aren't sure what to call this—this tirade of visiting old and new haunts and experiencing everything that their short life so far can offer them, and doing it all together—but he knows that he wouldn't do it with anyone else. He likes holding hands with Gao, and stealing winks of sleep against his arm when they ride the train or bus. He likes sharing shaved ice and yakisoba with him at festivals, and watching the fireworks go off in dizzying colour displays. He likes playing volleyball with him, and sharing highfives with him when they successfully pull off a block together.
He likes Gao.
(According to what definition? He doesn't care that much anymore.)