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"I just…" Ros's eyes fell down to the ground, to the blades of grass watching her mind go a million miles an hour. "Don't understand."
At first, her best friend only nodded in reply, not saying much.
Juniper sat next to her, the two girls looking out to Ros's village below — the purple walls, the spiky roofs and turrets. The sun in front of them was almost pink, a deep mix of red and white which made it look as if the world was ending, but just for them.
Ros was extremely aware of her left hand. The one closest to Juniper.
The one which laid a finger twitch away from Sniff's hand.
"I don't really understand that much of it either, honestly, Ros." Sniff sighed for a good couple seconds, glancing at her friend, who seemed to be making it a point not to look at her. "It just happened. I mean, you were there. You saw."
Blades of green grass itched Ros's thighs. They had found a nice clearing on the hill surrounding her village, the two lying there, hands keeping them up, legs extended on the Earth. "…I guess." Ros whispered in reply, trying desperately to wipe the idea of Sniff and AJ going out on a date together from her mind.
It went quiet for a few moments, Ros unsure of what else to say. Unsure if there was even anything to say.
"Well—" Juniper bit her lip, staring next to the sun. "What do you not understand about it?"
"Everything. It just feels… wrong." Ros admitted carefully, before she froze. "Not that it's wrong to like AJ! If you do like her. I'll— I'll support you either way, Sniff, even if it is AJ. I just… I thought you didn't like her. Like that."
Her friend laughed uncomfortably, and Ros spared a glance to Sniff. The pink of the sun made her look magical. Today, she wore a light green cardigan, with brown pants, the very colours of the Earth. It suited the weather. Ros should've covered up, too, honestly — it was too cold to be wearing a normal t-shirt and shorts.
"I don't like AJ like that. Not romantically. And, I mean, okay fine," Sniff lowered her voice and looked around to see if anyone could hear her speak, making Ros laugh a bit, "she is attractive, I mean, not my type, but— yeah. Anyway. You're right, Ros, I don't like her like that."
"But then why go?" It was the question that hadn't left Ros's head ever since Megii asked, AJ agreed, and Juniper said yes. It made her skin crawl, made her want to scream and throw things all around, made her want to go to AJ's stupid dorm and throttle her.
"Because." Juniper shrugged. "Megii wanted help, and AJ… I'm curious about her, I am."
"Curious… romantically?"
"No! No, not at all, Ros, God." She snorted loudly at the idea, the two Mages glancing at each other and accidentally making eye contact. "I swear."
The words made Ros only vaguely calmer.
"But, surely, I mean…" She blinked, trying to collect her thoughts, as Sniff stared. "AJ must have tons of other girls, so— why would she want to go with you?"
The question felt horribly bitter in Ros's mouth, and only when Sniff flinched back slightly, did she realise that maybe it wasn't appropriate to say.
"Wow. Thanks, Ros." Juniper replied with a hurt tone, looking at the soil and away from the Life Mage. "Nice of you to say."
"What—" She felt her heart stop in real time, and suddenly wanted nothing more than to take it back. "No! Sniff, I'm sorry, that's… that's not what I—"
"No, no, it's alright." The Growth Mage's eyes shined in the pink sunlight, making her look utterly ethereal. Ros froze when she saw Sniff withdraw her hands from the grass and pull up, as if moving to leave. "I know what you meant, it's alright."
"Sniff, honestly, I am so sorry. That's not what I meant at all—" She wanted to cry. How was Ros so stupid to say something like that? It wasn't even true! Sniff was beautiful!
"No, really, I should be going now anyways. I'm sure you have tons to do, so." At the sight of Juniper pulling up to her feet, her eyes pointedly glancing away from Ros, her voice oddly high, cracking at the edges, Ros moved. She didn't know how, exactly, it happened, but right after, she was on her feet, too, hand reaching out to grab Sniff's.
"Sniff, please. I'm sorry. That was so untrue of me to say, I…" am wrong. Am the dumbest person ever. Am so unbelievably in awe of you that my brain stops sometimes.
But the words, just—
They didn't come out, okay?
She got a small smile in response, but that just made her feel all the more shitty. "Really, Ros, I get it. You don't have to explain. The ball, and me going out with AJ, I… understand."
The Life Mage paused immediately, her hand loosening slightly on Juniper's wrist. "The ball?" She whispered, confused.
"Yeah. You went with… I don't know, whoever that guy was." Sniff shook her head, like trying to forget about it. "Which is fine! You know, I just want you to be happy. Even if that means…" She turned away, pulling her wrist out from Ros's hold. "Ugh, I don't know, I don't know."
Ros's mind felt scrambled. It was a horrible, hellish mix of the light highlighting every freckle on Sniff's face, making her glow like some kind of angel, and the mention of that horrendous ball. "I don't understand."
"Well, good! Nothing to understand!" Juniper laughed like it hurt her. "I need to get back to the Academy, anyways."
"I…" She swallowed. "Okay. But, Sniff, I— I really think that you're so beautiful. What I said, that's not what I meant. There's no reason you and AJ shouldn't… go on a date. Nothing to do with you, at least, and I'm sorry I implied that. Just because I don't want you to go—"
Ros stopped herself.
What the fuck? Why did she say that? She shouldn't have said that!
"Just because you don't want me…" Sniff's face contorted in confusion. "You don't want me to go?"
"I— no! I mean, yes! No! I want you to be happy, and if that means going, then… yay! I'm so happy!" The Life Mage tried to give her most convincing, bright smile, but she was positive it didn't work.
Stupid, stupid Ros! Stupid!
Juniper stared like she didn't believe her, but Ros didn't miss a little shine in her eyes, something weird, akin to excitement. "You don't want me to go on a date with AJ, Ros? …why not?"
Uh.
Ros, very suddenly, wanted to throw up.
She didn't know why.
"No, I do! I do, really. It'll be so fun for you guys, I mean, I'll… help you plan it!" She smiled brightly, pretending like nothing had happened, because nothing had.
"So you do want me to go?" Juniper asked, clearly doubtful. Ros, of course, hated the conversation, but…
Sniff wasn't tearing up anymore. That was good, right?
"…yes."
"Then why did you say you didn't?" Juniper asked again, her voice becoming more and more curious, pushing slightly further.
"When did I say that?"
"When you said it just now, by accident, Ros."
"Oh." She paused, and looked down to the floor. "Right. Well— that was on accident. Doesn't count."
That's so stupid. Why did you say that?
"That's… okay, that's not how it works." Sniff began to laugh at her, and Ros felt her face bloom. "If anything, saying something on accident makes you mean it more. Because you didn't control it, it's natural."
"I didn't mean what I said to you just now, though. At all." Ros muttered, still feeling guilty for it. The look on Sniff's face when she realised what Ros had said would haunt her forever, she was already sure of it. "Sometimes it really is just an accident."
"I know you didn't, Ros." Sniff sighed, looking at the descending sun, once again. "But what did you mean, then?"
"I—" She started, but stopped herself, again. "I don't even know, honestly."
"Well, clearly you don't want me going with AJ." Sniff laughed to herself, almost sadly, but still interested.
"I…" The Life Mage shut her eyes for a second. "I think she can be dangerous. And I'd rather — I don't know! That she'd go with…" Ros began to whisper. "Go with someone else, I guess."
She didn't want to look at Sniff. She didn't want to see the look on her face, because, somehow, it felt like Juniper always knew what she was really feeling, even when Ros didn't.
Juniper didn't reply, and Ros kept speaking. "You could just end up doing something stupid. Like, she could get you hurt, or, I don't know, you could… do something you don't want to do."
"Like what?"
"Like couple things! Which, you said you didn't want to do, but who knows what AJ might…" She began to shake her head, not even wanting to think about the idea of Juniper and AJ doing couple things.
When Ros looked up again, it was like her heard stopped.
The light hit Juniper's eyes just so perfectly, her hair illuminated, looking like the gold of wedding rings in the sun. Her skin looked darker, soft and smooth, just like her…
Lips?
Stop looking at your friend's lips, Ros! You're no better than AJ!
And she wasn't.
Sniff's lips were a bit thinner than hers, but they looked pillowy like dough, like soft pink waves.
"Ros?"
She snapped out of it.
"Uh— yeah?"
Ros didn't even know she zoned out.
"I asked why that was bad." Sniff said softly. "Why you felt uncomfortable with me and AJ doing… couple things."
It just—
It just happened.
Ros didn't know.
She didn't know where she was, or what she was doing, or what they were talking about.
She didn't know how it happened, at all. Who went in first, who reciprocated…
It was, just—
Very suddenly, she was kissing Juniper.
Suddenly, she was on her tip-toes, reaching forward, lips clasped onto the Mage in front of her, eyes shut like they'd burn off.
Wind whistled in Ros's ear, tickling her fringe, where a couple strands of hair blew wild. Her lips tingled, suddenly warm on Juniper's, and her mind stopped.
Time, in of itself, stopped. The sun halted its descension, the birds stopped chirping, and the two stopped moving, both in such shock and desire that they were paralysed.
Until, they weren't.
Until, Ros pulled out.
The world surprised her, overwhelming her senses compared to what she had just done. The wind had picked up, the Mage's legs feeling like jelly, while her heart beat too quick for her body. Colours, everywhere felt entirely too bright, and even down in her village, Ros could hear the talking of villagers, the sound of horses on pavement.
In front of her, Sniff stood, in the exact same amount of shock Ros felt she was in. The girl's mouth was slightly agape, her eyes glazed over.
It just— came out of her. "I'm sorry! I shouldn't have… fuck. Sniff, I really—"
Again!
A-fucking-gain!
For the second time!
Again, Ros had no clue who did it. It could've been her, been Sniff, been the freaking wind, and she had not a clue.
All the Mage knew was that Juniper's hands were gripping her cheeks, fingers reaching almost the back of her scalp, lips, for the second time today, placed exactly on her lips.
All she knew, was that she didn't want to pull away again.
She should.
But it just felt so good.