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Luca made his way to the edge of the river, warm glass of white wine in hand, away from the party and people. The wedding had been beautiful, perfect really, and that just made him feel worse.
He sat by the dark water feeling dizzy and morose, and then finished his wine in two gulps.
“Is there room for one more?” Harris came and sat next to him and handed him bottle of water, and opened a different bottle for himself.
“What is this for?” Luca asked.
“Call it an instinct, but you seem a little drunk”
Luca shrugged his shoulders. Harris sat with him in silence for long minutes of quiet.
“Can I ask you something?” Luca blurted out.
“Yeah that why I’m here!”
Luca pulled his knees to chest. “Let’s say you knew someone.” Luca took a big breath. “He’d been in love with someone really famous from the time he was a kid.” Luca rubbed his face against his knees. “He knew he’d never meet him of course. But the kid worked hard and got really good in the same sport as the man he was in love with.”
Harris reached over and opened the bottle of water before he handed it back to Luca. Luca took a quick sip.
“Anyway through some kind of miracle the kid ends up on the same team as the man he’s in love with. Of course it doesn’t matter because this man is very well known for being straight.”
Luca felt his eyes prickle as he looked at the water. He took a deep breath, he couldn’t stop now he needed someone to know how pathetic he was.
“But the man is kind and he gives the kid so much attention and advice. He doesn’t do anything like inappropriate but the kid catches like a vibe. Like maybe the man isn’t one hundred percent straight.”
Luca wiped his eyes on his jacket sleeve and sniffed.
“So this kid, he starts to think like maybe there is a chance. He might actually have a chance with the guy who made him who he is. The first guy who made him know he was queer, the guy who motivated him to be great at hockey…”
A sob bubbled out of Luca, Harris moved closer and rubbed Luca’s back.
“And then” Luca rubbed his eyes, and took a big shuddering breath. “Then he and the whole world find out he already has a boyfriend, a fiancé, who is Shane fucking Hollander.” Luca let out a wet laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. “How could he ever compete with that?”
He sniffled and broke the last bit of his heart open. “How stupid is this kid?” Luca let him self start to really cry while Harris rubbed his back.
“I remember my first broken heart.” Harris said after a long while. “Randall Landell “
Luca laughed.
“It’s true that was his name. Anyway Randall was the hottest guy in my high school, I had a huge crush on him.” Harris took a sip of his water bottle and encouraged Luca to do the same from his own. “Then we ended up at the same college. It felt like fate.”
Luca knew it hadn’t been fate, knew Harris was trying to tell him.
“Are you saying I just need to meet my Troy?”
“I didn’t go straight from Randall to Troy. There was a lot of life in between those two.”
Luca took a sip of his water.
Harris continued “I’m saying I’ve also been a stupid kid.” Harris gave Luca a big smile and Luca smiled back. “I think we all have in one way or another. It’s not stupid to follow your heart, it just might not be leading you the place you think it is.”
Luca took another drink of water and laid down and looked up at the stars.
“Thank you Harris”
Harris laid down a little ways away. “Do you know how to find the North Star?”
They made small talk for a while before Troy came and found them. Luca was starting to sober up. He felt lighter for telling someone.
“Need a ride home?” Troy offered as he helped his boyfriend up. Harris gave Troy a gentle kiss on the cheek as thanks.
“Yeah that would be great.” Maybe his Troy was out there too, and next time he fell he wouldn’t be a stupid kid.