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The hospital is the last place Oikawa wants to wake up in. He's under some thin blue blankets, a heart monitor next to him. There are three chairs in front of the bed, with a small desk between the first two. There is a small red rose on top in a vase, the gray light making the red look wilted. He turned his head towards the window, pale blue curtains blocking out the sunlight. He can't remember the last time he saw the sunlight. Was it a week or two ago?
Oikawa lays on his back now, staring at the monotoned ceiling tiles. There were voices outside the door, probably nurses tending for other people in the hospital. He sighed, moving his way into a sitting position. There was a noise, something familiar next to him. Oikawa turned his head slowly, seeing a body. Their chest was slowly going up and down, with a heart monitor beeping every few moments.
Oikawa blinked, placing a name to a face. His eyes moved to the face, worn and pale. Black hair was plastered against the pillow.
His voice escapes faster than his brain can process: "Iwa-chan?" His voice cracks, reeling in the moment. Oikawa gulped, gripping the bed sheets. He felt tears pricking in the corner of his eyes, his heart growing heavy. His mouth feels heavy, his tongue feeling too big for his mouth.
"Iwa-chan," he calls out again, hoping for some form of response. Oikawa waits. And waits. And waits. The silence deafens his ears. His brain is reeling with answers, skipping to the worst. When he tries to call out again, the door opens.
"Ah, good you're awake." Oikawa sees a nurse, walking in with a clipboard and smile. This is a time of grieving. Stop smiling.
"How are you feeling, Tooru? Are you okay?"
Oikawa narrows his eyes. "I'm fine."
The nurse writes something down onto the clipboard. "Good. How's your arm feeling?"
My arm? Oikawa pulls back the blanket that pooled around his left arm and felt his stomach drop. There was a slight blemish that went up to the elbow and covered the palm of his hand.
"How did this happen?" Oikawa asked, facing the nurse, a hint of dread in his voice.
The nurse formed her lips into a firm line. "You were in a fire last week. Your injuries were not that bad because luckily, you were rescued first. Your neighbor was lucky to be awake to have called the police and the firefighters. It was a pure chance that you even survived."
"What about my boyfriend?"
The nurse sighs. "He wasn't so lucky. Even though he was rescued, there was an abundance of smoke in his lungs. There were also some burns on his face and hands like you did. But, due to the smoke in his lungs, it is a very slim chance he could not make it."
Oikawa took a while to process this. He could not make it. Could not. Could not. Those words echoed in his head as he gripped the bed sheets.
"Is there any way you can try?"
"We have doctors finding ways to help him every day. That's how it works. We still have hope that he'll survive. So don't fret," the nurse responded, ending with a short smile. Oikawa frowned deeper. "Now, I came in here to check up on your heart beat and your breathing. Then, I think, the doctor should be in here soon."
After a few test were run, Oikawa was laid back, staring at the ceiling. The silence was deafening as countless situations played in his head. He didn't like thinking too much about what was happening nor did he want to think about the future. All he really cared about was if Iwaizumi was going to survive.
He remembered before they separated and went to different colleges, Iwaizumi asking him to be his boyfriend. Oikawa said yes since he'd been waiting for the moment to come. Then came the time where they went onto different paths but they still continued to text and call. Oikawa was happy and he wanted to continue to be that way.
Now, it just seemed life didn't want the happiness to last forever. A fleeting wish that was lost in the darkness, set aflame from a nearby match. He sighed, turning his head once more to the breathing body of Iwaizumi.
It was around eight in the morning on Tuesday when Oikawa heard the news. He was barely awake, tossing and turning in his sleep. Nightmare after nightmare reliving what he had forgotten. Screaming. The smoke curling around every inch of the house. He woke up in a cold sweat a few minutes before sleeping again, staring at the four chairs in front of the bed. Oikawa then looked over to Iwaizumi, feeling a sense of relief washing over him.
Then he was up again but there were voices. Hushed but panicked. They were in the corner of the room, moving things. Oikawa lazily opened his eyes and looked towards the noise. He could make out the nurse from earlier, pressing her hands on Iwaizumi's chest. What's happening? Oikawa asks himself. Another doctor comes in, carrying a box of some kind.
There was a tightening knot in Oikawa's heart as his thoughts raced faster as the doctor opened up the box.
"One, two, three," said one doctor as another pressed the defibrillator against Iwaizumi's chest. He jolted as the heart monitor spiked but returned to its normal state, beeping like crazy. Oikawa felt tears in the corner of his eyes.
The doctors continued, press after press until the beeping stopped. A strong silence filled the air as the nurse from earlier muttered quietly but loud enough for Oikawa to hear: "Haijme Iwaizumi, death, Tuesday at 8:45 am."
The blinding light gone out and all that Oikawa felt in that moment was hot tears and a broken heart.
He was released out of the hospital the following week, expected to get over the death of his boyfriend. It was sudden but expected, explained the nurse. They tried everything. They should have tried harder, Oikawa thought. He had blamed himself for his death. Going through countless cycles of it every day.
Now, driving to the graveyard to visit Iwaizumi's grave, Oikawa thinks too much. The music in the radio seems distance and the colors around him are grey. His thoughts are his music; poisoned without an antidote. His one true sunlight, gone.
If life is full of troubles, why were you the biggest one?
Was the last thing he thought of before a semi truck rammed into his car. Oikawa remembers something else: a faint and reaching hand of Iwaizumi.
Tooru Oikawa, death, Wednesday at 10:45 am.