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"I'm fine."
There was a pause; with only the wind above them to fill the silence.
"So you've said," Olruggio said, "time and time again." He held himself still. As though to not startle his bowed partner. His voice was not accusatory. It couldn't be.
As he stared out at the rolling hills that gave way to mountainous peaks, Olruggio couldn't help but be taken back to what he thought were simpler times. He feels as though the pieces of his life were finally puzzled together.
---
He remembers, not long after the Tower of Tomes, that Qifrey started acting strangely. He thought it was was something that would eventually pass. And in his deepest hopes, he wanted Qifrey to confide in him. They were best friends after all.
But years passed. And, if Qifrey become anything, it was more closed off and reserved. But Olruggio didn't plan on letting that stop him.
They were laying down on a field of grass. A large oak tree above them. The trees around them were starting to lose their leaves to become bare for the winter. It was a surprisingly warm and clear day considering the time of year.
Olruggio glanced over. He's been doing that more. Looking at his friend. Qifrey's always had an ethereal quality to him. But as the years had gone by he had only become more striking. Anyone would think so. He told himself.
Qifrey was staring at the branches above, lost in thought. His hands were clasped together over his stomach. Olruggio couldn't help how his attention was brought back to Qifrey's face. Like a moth to a flame. Qifrey's hair had gotten longer over the last few months. Olruggio wasn't sure if he was planning on growing it out or getting it cut soon. It barely reached the bottom of his jaw. And, at the moment, was obscuring his vision.
Without a thought Olruggio turned onto his side and reached his hand out. Mere inches to Qifrey's face he realized what he was doing. He slowed his approach and hesitantly brushed his hand along Qifrey's cheek. He pulled the hair gently along his face until he tucked it behind Qifrey's ear. Olruggio pulled his hand back to rest on the ground between them.
When he looked back at Qifrey. His eye was wide and he had a surprised look on his face. Olruggio scanned his face for discomfort. He couldn't find any. Qifrey turned onto his side with his arm propping his head up.
Olruggio was feeling a bit impulsive that day. So he reached for Qifrey's face again. He watched closely for any sign of rejection. His hand cupped his cheek. It was cold from the transition of seasons. He saw Qifrey close his eye. He heard him let out a soft sound of contentment. He felt him lean into his touch.
Qifrey's hand snapped up to his wrist. It was not gentle. Despite this, Olruggio could feel a tremble running through Qifrey's hand. His face transitioned from contentment to furrowed brows and a downward tug to his lips.
"Qifrey, wha—" Olruggio was cut off as Qifrey was suddenly on top of him in one frantic movement. Qifrey's legs were straddling his waist. His hands were on either side of his face. As though desperate, he leaned down to seal their lips.
It was like Olruggio's brain stopped working for a second. It took him several moments to process what was happening. As soon as he did, he kissed back just as ferociously. He couldn't help his giddy smile. He could feel his cheeks flush. His body felt on fire.
Just as suddenly as it happened, Qifrey pushed himself back with a pained groan. He rolled off Olruggio to sit besides him. His hand was pressed against his scar. The pressure Qifrey was applying looked painful.
"Are you okay, Qifrey?" He asked, a bit disoriented. Olruggio brought his hand to Qifrey's shoulder. He felt Qifrey violently flinch. The motion sent a pang through his chest. He drew his hand back. Qifrey tucked his knees in and curled into a ball. The only sounds Olruggio could make out were pained groans and whimpers.
"Please, say something. What's going on?" Olruggio asked desperately. Minutes passed in silence. Occasionally Olruggio would try to break it to no avail.
Slowly Qifrey unfurled from his ball. He turned his head to face Olruggio. With his hand still pressed to his face, the edges of Qifrey's mouth lifted up and his lips parted. He showed off crooked white teeth. It took Olruggio a second to recognize it as anything resembling a smile. It did not reach his eyes. It was as if he were pushing through something agonizing. Something bloody externalitized.
"I'm—I'm fine, Olly." Qifrey said through a heavy breath.
"Are you kidding, Qifrey? Something's obviously wrong!" Olruggio exclaimed. A hint of anger and a lot of concern in his voice.
"Just drop it! I'm fine. I—" Qifrey's voice cracked. He didn't meet Olruggio's eyes as if ashamed. "It was a mistake."
A mistake? What? Oh. Olruggio suddenly felt cold. Like ice water was dumped over his head. He wrapped his arms around himself in a hug.
"Mistake? But Qifrey—"
"It can't be anything but that!" Qifrey stood up abruptly. "I'm going home."
Before Olruggio had a chance to respond, Qifrey already started on his way back to the windowway. Olruggio blinked heavily to reorient himself. He stood up in silence and walked after Qifrey.
They never spoke of that day again.
---
What a fool he'd been. He should have realized. He couldn't have. He wonders how long his selfish desires had ruined Qifrey's life. Olruggio sat down heavily. The blades of grass itching at his hands.
He couldn't count the amount of times they'd become closer, only for Qifrey to suddenly pull back. He always thought it had to do with Qifrey's past; something he couldn't recall, yet still effected him. The body remembers even when the mind forgets. Now he know that no matter how much Qifrey wanted to reach back, he couldn't.
Olruggio now understands. All those years ago had been a last ditch effort for something more. Something desperate and unachievable.
"I'm sorry I couldn't help you." Olruggio leaned to the side. His head resting against the trunk of a Silverwood tree.