Work Text:
November 2018
[Portrait video: Video shows the porch of what is obviously a quite large fancy house. On the front steps are four children. The eldest are two five-year-old twins, dressed in Elsa and Anna costumes. The next oldest, aged three, is clutching a crocodile plushie. Beside him, in a stroller is the youngest, only just over a year old. She is happily babbling to herself.
The eldest two reach up together and knock on the door. Some quiet adult giggling can be heard from behind the camera. For a moment nothing happens. The twins are just raising their hands to knock again, when the door swings wide open revealing a shirtless Ilya Rozanov.
“You’re not DoorDash,” he says.
“You’re not Uncle Shane. Where’s Uncle Shane?” says the Elsa twin.
“What the fuck?” comes a surprised male voice from behind the camera.
There is a sound of scrambling as someone goes to grab the camera and stop the recording. As this is happening, it is just possible to make out Ilya crouching down to be level with the kids, asking them what they’re doing there. He picks the youngest child up from the stroller as she starts to fuss. The twins grab onto his other arm, not letting go as he stands up fully. Just before the video cuts off, the voice of Shane Hollander is just audible from inside the house.
“Ilya, what’s taking you so long? I’m not done...”]
It takes a moment for Hayden’s brain to process what he’s seeing. What the hell is Ilya Rozanov doing opening Shane’s door? Opening Shane’s door while shirtless?
Jackie pushes past him to grab the phone and stop it recording. That pushes him into action. He leaves their hiding place in the bushes and rushes towards his children, just as he hears Shane calling from inside. Calling Rozanov by his first name...
“Ah,” says Rozanov as he spots Hayden. “These are mini-Pikes.”
Rozanov is holding Amber in one arm, having freed her from the stroller. Jade and Ruby are both hanging off the other. Arthur is shyly smiling up at him.
“Shane, do not panic. Pike family is here,” Rozanov calls out.
“Why would Shane be panicking about us being here? I’m the one who should be panicking. I have no reason to trust you around my kids. Ruby, Jade, get down. Give Amber here.”
Rozanov lowers the arm the twins are hanging from, and hands Amber over to Jackie, who appears by his side just in time.
“You’re the ones who left children on doorstep. I think you’re the ones who can’t be trusted.”
There’s the sound of footsteps from inside the house. Shane appears behind Rozanov. His face is flushed, and his hair is a mess. He’s wearing sweatpants and a faded Boston Raiders t-shirt. On his face is a stricken expression.
“What's happening?” asks Shane, once he reaches the door, squeezing next to Rozanov.
Rozanov places a gentle hand on his shoulder as he replies.
“I answered door, thinking it was DoorDash with lunch. But when I open door, I find four mini humans alone on doorstep asking for Uncle Shane. Then Pikes appear out of bush for some reason.”
“We were trying to pull a prank on you,” explains Jackie. “You know that trend where people unexpectedly leave their kids on their parents' doorsteps and film their reactions. We thought it’d be fun to do with you. We didn’t know you had company. We’re very sorry.”
Rozanov laughs.
“I love those videos!”
Hayden notices that Rozanov’s hand has moved and is now massaging the back of Shane’s neck. What the hell had they walked in on?
“That explains what we’re doing here. But can someone please explain to me what the hell Ilya Rozanov is doing opening your door shirtless?”
“Umm...”
Shane doesn’t seem to be able to get much more out right now. Him and Rozanov share a long look. Eventually Shane nods.
“Why don’t you come inside, and we’ll explain,” says Rozanov, stepping back and gesturing to the open door.
Reluctantly, Hayden follows Jackie as she herds the children inside. They get the children set up off to one side on the living room floor with some colouring books and toys, while Shane and Rozanov grab drinks from the kitchen. He hears a hushed conversation going on in the other room but can’t make out any of the words.
Eventually Shane and Rozanov return, bearing steaming mugs of green tea. Hayden and Jackie have taken the couch, so Shane and Rozanov take the love seat. Hayden frowns at how comfortable they look, practically pressed up against each other. He looks at Shane expectantly.
“Um, so, you know about Lily?” starts Shane.
“The girl, or I guess guy, who you always deny you’re meeting up with in Boston?”
Although now that Hayden thinks about it, he hasn’t done that once yet this season.
“Did you break up? You don’t disappear when we’re in Boston anymore. But what does that have to do with…”
A terrible thought occurs to Hayden. Yes, Shane had stopped disappearing in Boston, but he’d also started visiting Ottawa much more frequently. So frequently that Hayden had started to worry there was something wrong with Shane’s parents. But maybe there was another, even worse answer. The change from disappearing in Boston to frequent trips to Ottawa also coincided with a certain Russia asshole switching teams between the two cities.
Hayden glances over at his wife, and sees her staring at the pair opposite with wide eyes. Has she come to the same conclusion?
“No, Shane. Him? Really?”
“Hayden, be nice,” chides Jackie.
Before anyone else can speak, Ruby runs over holding a handful of pencils.
“Mommy, the pencils are blunt. Can you help sharpen them?”
Rozanov springs to his feet.
“I know where Uncle Shane hides his fancy electric pencil sharpener. Shall I show you? We can get them all nice and sharp again.” He turns to Shane. “I will leave you to talk without me. Might be best. I will be in the office if you need me.”
With that he drops a kiss to the top of Shane’s head, then takes Ruby’s hand and leads her out of the room. Jade follows excitedly. Even Arthur, curious about what is happening, follows shyly after them. Only Amber remains, happily in her own little world babbling away to herself.
"Are we really just trusting Rozanov with our kids now?" asks Hayden, turning to face Jackie.
"If Shane trusts him, we trust him," she replies, looking curiously over at Shane.
"I'd trust him with my life," Shane says seriously. "He is my life. I love him. He loves me. I know this must be a surprise to you, but there's so much more to him than the arrogant ass you see on the ice. And for what it's worth, he's great with kids. You should see some of the videos he sent me from when the Raiders visited the pediatrics ward at Mass General."
"Well then, we're very happy for you. Please do excuse my husband. He's working through a few years worth of prejudice. But he'll get over it."
That last sentence is punctuated with a pointed glare in his direction.
"Yeah, sure man. I mean. Yeah. Of course I'm happy if you are. This just came out of nowhere. I always thought you hated him. And now, if he's Lily, that means you've been together since almost the beginning. But that can't be right, because there have been so many stories about him sleeping around. Unless…"
Shane looks visibly less tense, and is instead starting to blush.
"For a long time it was just casual. We'd see each other if we were in the same city and had time. But we didn't even really talk much at the beginning, other than organizing meet ups. Even when we started texting about more than just our plans, neither of us acknowledged it. It was only the summer before last, after Scott Hunter, that we both fully stopped denying our feelings and decided we were going to do this for real. But if we're honest with each other, there's been something there, possibly all the way since the beginning when we first met as teenagers at the International Prospect Cup. And we've been hooking up since the summer before our rookie season. I've known him my whole adult life, Hayden. I don’t think I could ever hate him. I mean, sometimes I kind of did, but never in the way people thought. The rivalry in the way the league sold it was never real. We just went along with it because it was a good cover for the truth. And we've always been super competitive. Playing against him is the best feeling. There's no-one else in this league who is as much of a challenge to play against as him. Every win against him is extra satisfying."
Shane has a soppy smile on his face.
"Holy shit," exclaims Hayden, everything suddenly slotting into place in his head. "Of course a man as obsessed with hockey as you wouldn't settle for anyone other than another world-class hockey player. We used to joke that you'd marry hockey if you could. I guess that was less of a joke than we thought."
Shane chuckles, but before he can reply Ruby and Jade burst back in wielding swords crafted out of paper. They're both wearing oversized Ottawa Centaurs jerseys, paper crowns on their heads. Arthur is trailing behind them, a hoodie tied around his shoulders as a cape. He is not wearing a crown, but the crocodile plushie he is carrying is.
"We are the magical centaurs. And we have been sent on a quest by a powerful dragon from a far off land to defend this castle from an evil wizard, and rescue the handsome prince he is keeping captive. We have been told the wizard is a master of disguise and is currently disguised as… What did Ilya say?" asks Ruby, turning to her siblings.
"Montreal's 14th best hockey player," replies Arthur in a quiet voice.
Jackie bursts out laughing, then turns to her husband.
"I didn't know I married an evil wizard. I am betrayed. Brave centaurs, the wizard is over here!"
Hayden barely has time to shoot his wife a betrayed look before his children are onto him, bashing him playfully with their paper weapons. Even Arthur is joining in, getting the crocodile to attack his leg.
"Argh, you are too powerful for me. I am defeated," he cries out dramatically, collapsing back into the sofa.
The group, satisfied with their success, approaches Shane on the loveseat.
"Prince Uncle Shane, we have saved you from the evil wizard," announces Jade.
"Thank you brave centaurs. I am in your debt."
"There is one more thing," continues Jade. "We have a message from the dragon. He made us memorize it. He said it was in code, but you would understand."
Shane frowns, but leans forward to listen. Ruby speaks, a look of concentration on her face.
"Ya loobloo tebeya, mwoy prints."
Shane's eyes widen, and he looks up to the doorway where Rozanov has appeared.
"Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu," he replies quietly, smiling.
Hayden knows it will take him a while to get used to this, but seeing the way those two look at each other, seeing how quickly Rozanov has won over his kids, even shy Arthur, he knows that this is real, and it's the kind of love that is worth hanging on with both hands. He also knows that his wife will gut him if he does anything to get between them. He smiles to himself.
"I guess you're not so bad after all, Rozanov," he says, looking up at the man.
"Hey, I have a reputation to uphold! Don't go spreading that around. And please call me Ilya."
Maybe one day, he will actually call this man his friend.
***
April 2021
@haydenpikemontreal Hayden Pike ✅️
[Video of the Pikes dropping their kids on Shane's doorstep.]
Unfortunately this isn't the first time I have unwittingly outed Shane and Ilya’s relationship with an ill timed video recording. Luckily, the first time it was just to me and my family.
With their permission, I wanted to share this video, and the story of how I first met the real Ilya, or Uncle Ilya as he became to my kids after that day.
My wife and I decided it would be funny to do the prank where you leave your kids on a family member's doorstep on Shane. Only it turned out he was not alone, and it was not him who answered the door. Imagine our shock and surprise when none other than Ilya Rozanov answered the door. I'll admit my initial reaction wasn't great, but within half an hour Ilya had won over our kids, and that was when we knew he was there to stay.
Shane, you're my best friend, and I'm so happy you've found your person. Ilya, I never thought I'd say this, but you and Shane are perfect for each other. I'm so glad you have each other. But I'll still murder you in your sleep if you hurt him.
⤷@roasted_breadstick Michelle
Uncle Ilya?! 🥹
⤷@rozanovscheekmole Rozanov is #1
Do you see Rozanov casually lifting those two kids with one arm! 🥵💪
⤷⤷@Panda_7723 Teacup Panda
And while he's holding a baby in the other!
⤷@clockworkdreamer maisie
Note to self, do not have secrets when Pike is in the neighbourhood with a camera…
⤷@orangecurtains 🍊
I bet they're just glad they weren't livestreaming. That would have been awks.
⤷@lookwhatilyamademedo Ilya for Ottawa Mayor
Soft Ilya ftw!
⤷@lemonslimeslemons When life gives you lemons
Is nobody going to mention that bit at the end? Excuse you Mr Hollander, what were you not done with…
⤷⤷@iscream13 for ice cream
I didn't even notice that till you pointed it out!
⤷@Stacyyy Stacy S.
That crocodile is so cute. Anyone know where I can get one? My son would love it.
⤷⤷@haydenpikemontreal Hayden Pike ✅️
Chompy is a favourite. [Link to buy crocodile toy]
⤷@virtualmegan Meg
The Raiders visited the hospital when my eldest was going through cancer treatment. I can confirm that Rozanov is great with kids. His signed Raiders Rozanov jersey is one of his most prized possessions. When he was given the all clear, he wanted to write to him to let him know. He got the sweetest reply, as well as a signed photo and signed Centaurs jersey to add to his collection. We're a family of die-hard Boston fans, but we'll always cheer for Rozanov over everyone else.
⤷@purple_dino_1993 Harriet P
Rozanov the Russian menace: ❌️
Sweet kid-friendly Uncle Ilya: ✅️