Chapter Text

Introduction
4E118, From Aetherius to the inside of of a warehouse in the south side of Falkreath.
"OI"A huge man whose face is hidden inside a hood, is whispering a nonsense lullaby:
"There is a proper word I was taught back in Kvatch before to come here that we remember everyday but I forget what I ate yesterday, inn'it?" he laughs hard: "my dad Sheo is a mile stone of Truth and that truth is spread on the cheesy yellow path that leads us to the city of Falkreath belonging to my family....where I...why my pants are dirty" He hesitates for a moment: "I hail and am back in the Aquilarios Family, whose origins date back to the forgotten second era. My ancestor found again the Amulet of the Kings and I will? What? What is that ?" He moves his head, sniffing around, than he runs off in a dark corridor. "I am HERE!" his feet stamp on the wooden pavement of the place.

Mad as a Hatter, the story of a new kind of Dragonborn.

First page of my diary, dear words'holder, welcome.
I'm having my day treatment of moonshine, sipping skooma and having the best day of my recent life, dear Words'holder, circa 118 4th Era? Something like that, back in that forgotten Inn, right outside south side of Falkreath. An argonian flower girl from the Golden Coast and I are kissing madly and a a small imperial girl from ... I don't care from, is kneeled "ah" between my legs. I feel the shiver and I kiss the other girl strongly. They're both blond.
I smile hard, they smile back and we growl and we're starting to undress one another. The Innkeeper coughs and start moving towards us but a guy intercepts him.
That's a hooded guy, in a dark tunic who approaches me. he's very thin, I don't even look at him until he speaks to me.
I move away the girl I'm kissing touching her nose with mine, winking at her. Then I turn to him.
I raise my left hand and I say: "not my type and I already paid. I'm ok." I twitch again because the other girl hasn't stopped. She goes harder down there. I whistle, the other girl kneels down slowly
.
Without the guy's bother, he speaks in a slow voice: " I believe you're a man of culture and a alcohol savant." I nod "I do... If I can say that myself, mate. Inn'it? "
He nods and adds:"If I might take some of your time for a job offer".
I cackle "Do you know me for my Kvatch gig? " he doesn't bulge, I keep going: "what about my School of Julianos one?" The guy nods. My eyes meet the argonian flower kitty and I kiss her again while the other keep working on the hydraulic manifold. I grab the armrest, swallowing.
He nods "My name's Sam. Sam Guevenne. I offer you a race. Drinking mostly but also a game."
My terga sit better while I say: "Well, you picked my interest, dark hooded stranger with a peculiar accent" He laughs "sure, pal. I am from a place called Oklahoma, u.s.a." I raise my head and say:"I want some of what you've been drinking. Is that a Breton kingdom you talk about ? I am a geography savant but HighRock is a mess." The Argonian girl laughs hard as she drinks. She caresses the other girl sinuously.
The man waves his hand "not relevant now. Do you want to drink with me or not?" At this point, my eyes go wide and I exhale, the girl between my legs just move away, cleaning her face with her own hand. I grab her head and we kiss.
When we finish, I say to her: "wait for me in the room, girls." They nod, grab a bottle of Applewatch mead each and, kissing each other, run upstairs.
The guy sit next to me and I utter, conspiratoriously: "well, let's make better odds, mate. If I win, you give me the best spell you have. " he nods "Got a teleportation spell!" My eyes got wide:"Can I also use it to teleport the others " as my voice grows happier. He nods :"I see no issue in that" Eventually, I ask: "If I lose, what is happening?" He leans towards me, whispering.
I can't actually recall what happened but I won the first round That memory is completely gone, like it never happened..., dear God Sheo.
I can tell you something, dear Words'holder...that was a daedra a so-called by ignorants, bad god but a good chap, I'll promise you.
That's what Daedra are, the dark brothers as our cats-men or Cathay Khajiits, now enslaved by the thalmor, would call: "God of different Litter". The first Litter would be our holy saint and human Alessia founder of the First Empire's would call Aedra uising an elvish word to mean the Ancestors. Eventually, I black out.
Sun's rising the day after, cold marble pavement under my arse.
I wake up SOAKED.
That's fascinating how I managed to survive without cleaning my things by hands, normally but I use magic to do most of it. My mother taught me magic.
Damn resilient and intelligent woman, the world lost a grand-gem when we lost her in Taneth, during the war with those sexy girlies Thalmor. I was a wee lad back then...
Wait up, darling. What was I talking about? I slap my forehead.
Ah, Dear Words'holder, you're right!
Imagine this: I am naked, fully, jewels in the open, lot of hair all over, 7.5 feet, sitting on my own terga aka ass. And I am with a the worst hangover EVER.
Around me, a marble temple. I scratch my nape.
"Is that Kyne?" Among the shadows on the wall, light by torches on the wall there's a sculpted wall image of an amazing woman with a dress covered by hawke feathers like a coat. In the opposite side, a man with a lance in each hand and a horn protruding from the side of his head. "Is that the old Stuhn brother of Tsun?"
"what?" I gasp. A guy, in his fifties, bearded, grey fur hood, just a robe, no legs covered though, barefoot, is pouring water on my face and I am cackling and drowing in the meantime. Something moving around him. I narrow my eyes but I can't catch it through the shadows of the room.
I sigh "the fucking...."
He stops, nodding."hey, sport" he blabbers, passing me a towel "you now wake up, or in the name of the Whale, I smash your face. I don't care if you're naked. I've seen worst nords" I laugh hard and I answer back as I dry myself "You're a nord, I hail from Bruma." He blinks. I ask: "Where am I, same year? 118, at least?"
"Year's right. "The guy bursts in laughter "Posh-cunt son of ..wha'evs you call the bows down in the posh-potty elf arse kissing Cyrodjil. Welcome to the Wise Temple of the Hawk and the Whale in the Old Falkreath." I nod for some time. "the hawk is in her place, inn'it?" He stands frozen for a second. I keep talking: "And about my bod, I reckon, you agree?"I can't help but laugh, sitting better after lowering my head to check my jewels. Then I look at him and ask: "I didn't fornicate with the hawk statue, inn'it?" I turn around: "where is it?"
"Stop talking, please."He raises an eyebrow "My name's Halfdan the Bo's'on . Hawk and Whale bless you." then he kneels on a ottoman and start browsing.
"Nice to meet you, I'm " than I jump on myself and hiss to a shadow
Halfdan whistles, studying me: "Fucking Shezarr, do you follow the Mad God?" I nod and say:"and i am in in the right place."
We nod looking at each other and cackle.
He slams some pants and a tunic with horrible pattern to my chest and move away. "yesterday night you made a mess, kid."he whispers to me.
I whistle: "You're Master of abiu..." I cough "Master of restoration yes, wise man. I master the Illusion spells " but as I touch the tunic, I got distracted:"is this from Dune?" He shakes his head as we move around and he starts pointing at things. Then he says: "that tunich is full of defensive magic. I sew this when I find hard to sleep. Don't care what cat-men sold it to me."
The next hour I help the guy cleaning the place.
Halfdan at a certain point asks me where I'm from and I start with a story: "I come from an old line of mages, mother side, grand-pa in law was a blacksmith though on a hidden branch of the Silver river, next to Bruma." He nods, singing a very racy song about Dibella.
"My mother was born in the Sutch mages' guild " Halfdan raise an eyebrow:"wait kid, no city called Such" I nod: "My gran-pa said that they teleported from the 2nd era to stop the Oblivion Crisis and they found themselves in a Fort, filled with necromancers summoning demons. Ten years before the Great war" Halfdan whistles :"shaite. Ugly beasts, tho'e necro cunts. Did any of her people survived?" I shake my had: "Just my Ma, a teen back then. She was the one predicting the events. Eventually a squadron of the Imperial Legion found her." He nods. " Your grand pa told you...did you ever met her ?"
For a second we don't talk, I focus on the tunic.
"My da died during the war." I point my left index next to my temple and turn it: "Ma's mind was a bit..scrambled and my grand-pa took pity on her. I am lucky I was born. She didn't survive Taneth after she gave birth to me." He sighs. "fuck". Then he turns serious "The Path of the Whale, kid, teaches us to forgive ourselves even if we survived our parents" He keeps talking I shake my head, whispering:"Da, for fuck's sake." Halfdan asks: "what?" I look at him and: "nothing, I was joking " he hits my ass with his foot, I raise my fists: "now I kick your ass" two huge hairy dogs are now next to him and start growling. Halfdan and I look at each other than we burst in laughter.
I lived with him two years after that. He had an amazing cheese.
Thank you, you should be charmed. Asclepius Caius Second, Vales is my last name, from my grand-da.
I don't use my original last name anymore. It was ...Aquilarios!
Some call me The Wise of Julianos' Groove, others Count of Kvatch.
You can call me the Shiny Stormbringer. Although you won't because I haven't animated you yet.
Blessed me.