Work Text:
Iris sighed happily as she entered the S.T.A.R. Labs elevator, wriggling her freshly pedicured toes next to the radiator. The short run from the salon to her car had been freezing, to the point where even Caitlin had been whimpering in a decidedly undignified manner as she scurried towards the car.
“That was such a good idea,” Iris gushed. “I don’t remember the last time I got my nails done.”
Caitlin smiled and ducked her head. “It’s been a while. Thanks for driving.”
“Hey, you picked out the restaurant. It was the least I could do.” Iris waved away Caitlin’s apprehension with a smile of her own. “Now let’s see what the boys were up to.”
The elevator came to the Cortex level with a soft “ding”, and the doors opened with a smoothness that would give any self-respecting engineer goosebumps. However, what lay beyond the elevator doors made Caitlin and Iris stop dead in their tracks.
“Roll for initiative!” Cisco shouted as he hung upside-down from one of the wheelie chairs, and threw his die into the air. It bounced off his forehead and rolled past a facedown HR, who appeared to have passed out into his own coffee, and came to rest against a pair of sensible slacks that lay discarded on the floor.
“Dangit, 4.” Cisco peeled off one of his socks and flung it at Wally. The younger speedster peeled it off his head with distaste, and threw it back at Cisco. It went back and forth a few times until HR reached up, grabbed the sock mid-flight, and tucked it underneath his forehead, all without looking up.
Barry stared hard at his gamebook, eyes crossed as he struggled to read. “You run screaming towards the orc, brandishing your sword, but stumble enough to disco...discbob…”
“Discombobulate?” Wally offered helpfully.
“Discombobulate!” Barry shouted in a triumphant tone, and pointed at Cisco. “You have been discombobulated!”
“Noooooo!” wailed Cisco as he peeled off his other sock. All four men were in various states of undress, with Barry and Cisco both in boxers and tshirts. Wally’s belt, watch, jacket, and sweater were lying discarded next to him, and HR was surrounded by more accessories than Iris thought a single person could wear.
Iris cleared her throat pointedly, and Cisco shrieked, falling off his chair in shock.
“Iris!” Barry yelped, and covered himself with the gamebook. “Uh, hi!”
Twin blurs of yellow lightning flickered through the Cortex as Barry and Wally redressed themselves, leaving Cisco and HR still on the floor.
“That’s cheating,” Cisco grumbled as he sat up and tried to free his sock from underneath HR’s head. However, the Earth-19 expatriate refused to relinquish his smelly pillow, and Cisco dragged himself over to his jeans in defeat.
Caitlin squinted at Cisco suspiciously. “Were you playing strip Dungeons and Dragons again?”
“ Again ?” Iris cast a glance at Caitlin. “Is strip Dungeons and Dragons a thing?”
“Mmmaybe?” Cisco grinned as innocently as he could without pants. Caitlin stared him down, until the engineer relented.
“It was his idea!” Cisco pointed at Wally.
“ What ? I suggested poker! Normal poker,” Wally added, turning pleadingly to his older sister.
“I see,” Caitlin said frostily. “And this wouldn’t have anything to do with teaching HR about Earth-1 culture?”
“Nope.” A small blur of lightning surrounded Barry’s hands as he dug d20s out of his pockets. “Just having some fun, maybe a few drinks, playing some games…”
Now it was Iris’s turn to stare Barry down. “I thought you couldn’t get drunk.”
“He can now,” came HR’s muffled response. “You’re welcome, Barrister.”
“Barrister?”
“It’s a nickname!” Barry grinned lopsidedly at Iris. “Cause my name’s Barry, and a barrister is like a lawyer, and I’m in criminal justice…” He trailed off as his foster sister continued to look unimpressed. “It’s funny,” Barry added quietly.
Iris snorted. “Barry, you’re drunk. Get your socks on; I’m driving you home.”
A collective wail went up from the assembled men.
“Five more minutes?” Cisco shamelessly begged. “C’mon, Iris, we thought it would take longer to do your girls night!”
“Pleeeeeease?” Wally added. “It’s so much fun!”
“It is,” HR joined in, still facedown. “Very educational. I’m being educated.”
“How did you even figure out the rules to strip Dungeons and Dragons?”
“Very skillfully,” Cisco stage-whispered.
Caitlin pinched the bridge of her nose. “Trust me, you don’t want to know. Alright, five minutes to wrap up, but then you have to put it away.”
Barry groaned dramatically. “Fine. You’re just mad ‘cause I put my clothes on.”
“Dude, nobody wants to see your pasty white ass. It’s so white it’s, like, reflective.”
“Iris wants to,” Cisco singsonged. “Barry and Iris, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-Ack!”
Iris lowered her hand, having hit Cisco square in the forehead with a spare die.
“Nice shot,” Caitlin said admiringly. “Come on, let’s get these dorks home.”
“What about HR?” Iris looked at the man sprawled on the floor.
Caitlin shrugged. “He can stay there? He’ll wake up once the coffee withdrawal kicks in.”
Iris made a “fair-enough” face, then hauled Wally to his feet. “Alright, fatass,” she groaned under his weight. “No more strip D&D for you.”
“I’m an adult,” Wally whined as Iris dragged him away. “I can make rational decisions.”
Iris raised an eyebrow.
“Ok, fine, just don’t tell Dad.”