Chapter Text
INTRODUCTION: In the year of 2024, the zeitgeist is enamored with social media consumption and the epidemic of bald shaming is at an all time high.Voldemort, the main villain of Harry Potter previously known as Toamous Marvelouskys Maidenlesstonsonsmith Riddletonsonsmith the Third, is one of the many people suffering from contagious baldness. Voldemort is ugly with his uncontrollable, genetic baldness, causing him to live up to his shameful middle name of Maidenlesstonsonsmith. This essay will focus on the main arguments to do with “Male Pattern Baldness” and its dire consequences on one certain, charming and evil young man.
PETAL PARAGRAPH 1: Dolores Umbridge, after finding Voldemort photo on r/Bald on November 19th 2024, was disgusted by his baldness. D. Ralph, 1956, states “ . . .The experience creates major inner turbulence and loss of confidence in these men. . .” is caused by baldness. Baldness is a bitch, Baldness is an itch, Baldness cannot be stitched. Umbridge thought of baldness being unable to be stitched because bald patches never grow to their full potential again, even after hair transplant related surgeries. Dolores Umbridge, post exposure to the Voldemort baldness, commented on his ugly, protruding, grey, extended forehead and declared it was similar to a form of torture.
D. Ralph, 1956, V34 ISSUE 2, MPB, 10.1177
PEEL PARAGRAPH 2: Voldemort is knowledgeable and superior, but even he succumbed to shame. On the 19th of November 2024, D. Umbridge says quote “. . . fuck you and your baldness and your big forehead.” On the social media platform Reddit, underneath Voldemort’s post on r/Bald. In a world where Baldness is looked down upon, many people feel inferior even despite their high status due to their unpreventable genetic mutation. Voldemort, like other men at his age of 20, give into temptation and mass peer pressure from the internet regarding baldness and shaves his head completely on the 20th of November 2024.
H. Gov. 1967, CH67, MPD, 6767.
CONCLUSION: In conclusion, this chapter essay has discussed three key events that argued Voldemort is ugly with his uncontrollable, genetic baldness, causing him to live up to his shameful middle name of Maidenlesstonsonsmith. Therefore, despite there being a large community on r/Bald, D. Umbridge specifically sought out Voldemort on his insecurities and diminished his masculinity purposefully. Our research team predicts that due to Voldemort's increased masculinity post Voldemort shaving his head, will cause an attractiveness to occur within Umbridge's loins, therefore leading to a future relationship between the two parties.
By BirdieTopHat and marrymeumbridge, typeshit typeshit!
