Chapter Text
"The police already know everything...about me and your mom." Javier Esposito grinned at Lockwood.
Kevin Ryan couldn't help but laugh at that. For a second, he was seriously worried Javi would say something real, something true.
But no, he was baiting a man...that would kill them without hesitation. Maybe Javi shouldn't have baited Lockwood.
Lockwood smirked, turning to one of his henchmen. Pointing to Kevin, he said, "shoot out one of his kneecaps."
Despite Esposito and Ryan's yells, one of the goons dragged Ryan away from the vat of ice-cold water. He yanked Ryan's neck up with a rope, choking him, forcing him to look up and away.
Kevin's eyes still found Javier's, tears welling.
He sent up a silent prayer, hoping his partner would miraculously look away, that he wouldn't have to watch.
Alas.
BANG!
Ryan screamed in pain. The pain exploded through him immediately, intense and burning. It was unbearable, stabbing, aching pain. It felt like fire. He felt the blood pooling out, deep, thick. It soaked his paints, soaked the ground, creating a puddle around him immediately.
"Ewww" The goon muttered, side-stepping the pool of blood, releasing Ryan's neck from the rope. Ryan slumped to the ground, vision blurry. His head landed hard on the concrete, in the pool of blood, but he didn't care.
All he could focus on was the pain still leaking through the numbness.
Esposito was screaming his name, but it sounded distant. Like it was through water.
Distantly, Ryan heard Beckett and Castle yelling, the sounds of doors and guns banging. People shouting.
Kevin drifted slowly away, vaguely realizing Esposito had gotten free of his bonds and was now holding him, regardless of the copious amounts of blood.
Slowly everything grew dark...somewhere in the back of his mind, Kevin realized that with the blood loss, drowning, and blunt force of his head landing on concrete...he might not make it back.
He may never see Esposito again.
Javi...
~~~
"Wait! You have to let me go with him! Please!" Esposito screamed after nurses and doctors wheeling away Ryan's stretcher.
Beckett and Castle held him back. "Espo, we can't follow him right now. But I promise you, we'll be there when he wakes up, okay?" Beckett said reassuringly.
Esposito was panicking now, breathing heavily. In the ride to the hospital there had been a moment when Ryan's heart had stopped. The paramedics revived him, but with the blood loss...
"Kev..."
Javier watched as the stretcher slowly faded away for surgery, unaware of the sounds and the people bustling around him. All Javi could hear, could see, was Kevin's screams and the blood spraying. His own ears ringing with the bang, his own sight blurring with tears of fear and rage.
"Javi?"
Bright blue eyes gazing into his, going blank with the bang.
"Javi!"
A primal scream tears at his own throat, matching the volume of the other's..
"Detective Esposito!"
He was brought back to reality with Beckett shaking his shoulders.
"Listen, you need to focus. DO NOT go drifting off. When Ryan wakes up, we need to be here for him, in the present, in the now. I will not have you breaking down at his bed." She said firmly, each word as clear as a bell.
Javier nodded numbly.
So they waited for hours, Javier pacing, Beckett leaning against a wall, Castle sitting down, all of them staring into the distance. The hours felt like days, passing as slow as could be.
but finally a doctor came out holding a clipboard and looking extremely tired.
"Family of Kevin Ryan?"
"That's us," Beckett said, helping Castle up. (he had gotten injured in the firefight, but it was nothing too bad.)
"We got him through surgery. He's experienced near-drowning, blunt force trauma to the head, restriction of air and blood flow to the head, and a gunshot wound to the knee."
Castle swallowed nervously. "uh...what does that mean?"
The doctor sighed a little, looking at him. "Meaning he's been tortured, and he's been near death. We've done as much as we can, but it's uncertain whether he'll push through. He's resting currently, but you can go see him if you like."
They all thanked the doctor.
Unsurprisingly, Javier was the first to Ryan's bed. The Irishman was by no means small, but in bed he looked...frail.
And dangerously pale. And his face was still and sunken.
He looks like a statue... Javi thought.
He slowly sat next to Ryan, taking his hand gently.
Beckett buried her face in Castle's shoulder, stifling her sobs.
Castle noticed Javier holding Ryan's hand. "Hey Beckett...let's give them a minute alone." Beckett nodded, too tired to complain.
Javi nodded thanks to Castle, who simply nodded back.
Once they were gone, Javier turned to Kevin.
"This is all my fault, I'm so sorry." Esposito broke down, sobbing. "If-if I hadn't goaded Lockwood, your knee wouldn't have been *hic* decimated." He hiccupped, still sobbing. "Please wake up," he said, burying his face in the covers of the bed.
"please...I can't lose you...you're my...my best friend, and I love you, I need you."
"Please..."
~~~
All was dark, all was quiet. Kevin floated in it. It was peaceful. Nice.
But soon he turned to dreams.
He was cold, so cold, water dripping from him. Lockwood stood in front of him, laughing. He pointed a gun at Kevin, shooting him in the knee.
Kevin screamed, his knees buckling. The dream changed.
Soon blood was smokily pooling around him, and he was in the middle of a lake, drowning in dark waters, sharks circling around him, with Lockwood’s face on all of them.
“please…”
The sharks gnashed their teeth.
“I can’t lose you…”
The shark’s eyes rolled, turning to black, as dark as the waters around them.
“I love you, I need you.”
They slowly circled in, tighter and tighter, going for the kill.
“please…”
Kevin awoke right as the sharks rushed him.
A steady beeping filled his ears. Everything was hazy, shiny, disorienting. And he felt so cold. And so warm. And so numb. And so in pain.
He tried to move, realizing that one of his arms was trapped underneath an asleep Javier. He looked around.
“where am I?” He whispered, voice cracking with thirst.
White walls, white ceilings, white sheets.
White bandages stained with red.
And suddenly he was back there.
God, no. Please, no, I can’t! He started hyperventilating. He was back there, rope around his neck, knees warm with blood.
He started thrashing in it, beeping quickening.
He could hear Lockwood’s laughter.
“no! no!” He shrieked.
Javier awoke. Quickly realizing the problem, he tried to hold Kevin down. “Kevin! Kev! It’s okay! It’s me!” He tried to calm Kevin down, but all attempts were futile. Kevin’s eyes were glazed, he obviously wasn’t seeing the hospital. He was trapped in his mind, experiencing horrors beyond Javi's comprehension.
What do I do?! Javier thought, panicking.
Nurses rushed into the room, injecting something into Ryan’s IV.
Almost instantly, he relaxed, his eyes gazing off into the distance. His eyes looked dead, the bubbly blue turned to stormy clouds.
Javier sighed, rubbing his forehead. He was tired, so goddamn tired. Him, Beckett, and Castle were essentially taking shifts to hang out with Ryan, just so there would be someone there at all times.
He hesitated.
He kissed Ryan’s forehead before walking quickly out of the room.