Chapter Text
I was hot. So, so, very, very, hot. And not because of the jungle, though obviously that didn't help, and not because of my clothes, my shirt would probably be gone in a week or two.
No, there was something wrong with me, and I could feel it.
Ralph, Jack, Roger, and Maurice had roped me into going with them to explore a corner of the island. I can't currently remember what for, because I have begun to sweat more than usual and that's all I can focus on.
After being away for probably an hour though I finally hit my limit.
“Can we sit for a moment? I need a break.” I finally asked.
“No. We haven't reached the edge yet and we're nearly there.” Jack said without turning around.
“Please. I… I feel rather out of breath.” I pressed, while wiping the sweat from my forehead.
Ralph stopped and turned around, concern written all over his face.
Ralph and I have become rather close since our time here. I'm sure a lot of it being because besides Nicky, and occasionally the twins, I'm the only one who has been of help to him. And most certainly the only consistent one.
He has started to catch on that I often work and help out despite feeling tired or unwell. Even this morning he had eyed me leaving the hut and asked if I was feeling alright. But I'm pretty good at hiding my true feelings, something I had to learn at school. And… at home. Because others judge me for my faints and fits, which I can't hide. But colds, flus, and other things, I can usually hide. But under these conditions…
“Simon, what's wrong?”
“Just need a break Ralph. Then I'll be right as rain.” I lied.
“You don't look alright at all.” He said concerned.
“Haha… well, I suppose I have looked better. Usually when I haven't been hiking in a jungle for an hour without bathing for weeks.” I joked.
Ralph didn't laugh. “Let's take a rest now.” Ralph shouted to the others who hadn't stopped.
Jack turned around, a look of irritation on his face. He stalked back over with Roger and Maurice following.
I tried my best to stand as straight as possible, but my fever was too strong and probably getting worse so I couldn't help but hunch over.
“Simon.”
“Jack.”
Jack looked me over. “You're fine. He's fine. Probably just going to have another faint.”
“Well then he's not fine!” Ralph shouted, appalled.
“Simon throws a faint almost every other day. He'll be fine.”
“Faints aren't good! And what if he falls and hits his head?” Ralph argued for me.
“Then that'll just be proof of how weak he is.” Roger said.
“Hey! That's a horrible thing to say, especially about a friend!” Ralph shouted in anger and shock.
“Batty Simon is not my friend.” Roger stated matter of fact.
“But he's your classmate as well as fellow choir member.” Ralph said in shock.
“So? That doesn't mean anything.” Roger said, starting to sound bored.
“Well he's mine and I'm chief and if he needs a break then he's going to have one!”
“Oh enough already!” Jack shouted in annoyance. He then turned to me. “Simon, no more complaining. You're fine. We haven't much further to go. You can hold out that long I suspect.” He said, piercing blue eyes fiercely looking into my own meek blue gray ones.
We stayed locked for a moment, before as I almost always do, gave into his dominance with a weak nod.
“Simon-” Ralph started before being cut off by Jack.
“He agreed he's fine, let's go.” Jack said, turning back around and leading us out again.
Roger followed obediently as always, Maurice looked like he was feeling awkward, giving me a pitiful look before following Jack. Ralph thankfully walked beside me.
“Simon, you're not well and Jack isn't the boss of you. You don't have to always do as he says.” Ralph said while walking in step with me.
“I know Ralph. Thanks for watching out for me. But I'll rest once we arrive at our destination.” I weakly said back. “Which is where again?” I asked.
“Oh Simon.” Ralph exhaled.
About what I estimated to be around twenty minutes later, or eternity, who can really say without a clock, we finally arrived at a small grove of trees. For what purpose I have no idea. Ralph had explained, again, but once more I couldn't focus.
“Perfect. Just what we need.” Jack said proudly.
He continued talking and began directing Maurice and Roger.
But I zoned out of the conversation as my vision began to blur. That's not good.
“Simon? Hey, Simon?” Ralph began frantically saying.
I clutched his arm. “Ralph… catch me?” I asked before passing out.
“Get out!”
“No, you get out! I'm headboy and leader of the choir. Simon falls under my care.”
“Well I'm chief and over you which makes Simon under me! Besides, you didn't care one bit when he said he needed a break. So, get out!”
“He agreed he was fine!”
“Because he's too nice to say otherwise! You don't know a thing about him, despite being in the choir together and classmates! I'm so glad I don't go to your school because you care absolutely nothing about anyone except yourself!”
There was shuffling and then the voices got farther away, before disappearing altogether.
I awoke to soft humming. Someone was humming a vaguely familiar children's song. I began to hum along.
“Sorry, did I wake you?”
I opened my eyes to see Ralph's light green ones staring back in worry.
“No.” I looked around, eyes squinting. I was in the hut. Where had I been before? Oh right.
“What happened?” I asked softly.
Ralph, who seemed to have been washing something, stopped his task to come sit beside me.
“You passed out. Not one of your regular faints, but actually passed out. From fever. Maurice thankfully helped to get you on my back and I carried you here.”
I felt immensely grateful and guilty for that. “Thank you Ralph.”
Ralph smiled warmly at me. “Of course. Now, do you need anything? Food, water, the loo?”
I snickered weakly at that.
“Mmm… no. I'm just hot.” I sighed.
“Here we go.” He said bringing what felt like a cold washcloth to my head.
“I can at least help some with that.” Ralph said.
The washcloth felt great against my burning face. Ralph moved it around to clean me up some as well as to spread the coolness over my face.
I shuddered when I felt the cloth on my chest, and looked down to see my shirt was gone.
“Oh, yeah, sorry. Nicky said he thought it would help to remove your shirt to help cool you down.” Ralph admitted awkwardly as he continued to wash me. “Besides, we ought to keep you clean. You were sweating really badly. As soon as you're able we should go for a bath.”
I nodded in understanding, closing my eyes again. I was still tired though having just woken up and the coolness felt nice.
After a few minutes he finished and I heard as he put the cloth back in the coconut shell.
“How about I bring you some mangoes? You should really try to eat something.” Ralph told me.
“Do we have any bananas? I'd really rather not get sticky when I have no energy to bathe.”
“Oh, right. Good idea. I'll go check. I'll just be a second alright?” He said, patting me gently on the shoulder.
I nodded that I understood and he took off rather quickly.
I really wasn't hungry, but I felt I should try for Ralph. I tossed and turned trying to get comfortable but couldn't with just feeling so hot. Perhaps I could convince Ralph to drag me to the shore and to let the waves cool me down. Hmm. That isn't too bad an idea. I've heard of ice baths, it could do me some good.
I turned my head as I heard someone coming in.
“Ralph, I have an idea, if you're okay with it-” I immediately stopped talking the moment I realized it wasn't Ralph.
“Jack… what are you doing here?” I asked weakly.
He looked nervous. Curly strawberry blonde curls a mess, like he had ran his hand through them too many times.
“I just wanted to see how you were faring. But Ralph wouldn't let me in earlier. So I had to come while he was away.” He had spat out Ralph's name as though it were poison on his tongue.
“I'm fine as you can see. Just like you said I was.” I told him calmly.
Jack flinched back at that, then his face took on his usual defensiveness, blue eyes turning steely. “Simon, now you know when I said that, I was just -”
“Just putting on a show of not caring about the batty boy. I know.”
His eyes turned slightly guilty, but he still tried to keep up his uncaring demeanor.
“What is it you really want, Jack? I'm tired.” I told him honestly.
He slowly came closer to me. “I was being honest. I just wanted to check on you.” He said earnestly.
I looked up at him. He did seem sincere.
I gave him a weak smile. “Thank you. But you should go. Ralph will be back and unhappy you're here. And I'm sure Roger and Maurice are wondering where you are.”
Jack opened his mouth right as Ralph came in.
“Simon I found a whole bundle.” Ralph's normally kind green eyes turned hard upon seeing Jack here. “Jack! I told you not to come in here!”
“I'm going!” Jack spat back.
I just laid on the ground silently.
I caught Jack looking at me once more before hurrying out. He didn't come to apologize. So why come at all?
“Are you alright Simon? He didn't hurt you did he?” Ralph asked, looking me over.
“No. He's never… he'd never lay a hand on me.” I said truthfully. Jack has always been a barker. Until meeting Nicky he had never hit anyone. And I firmly believe if we weren't on the island, he never would have crossed that line. But the longer we stay… the more violent and savage the boys are becoming…
Ralph gave me a look that clearly said he wasn't so sure about what I'd said. I smiled softly.
“Ralph. I am so hot… could you help me get to the shore? The water will feel so good.”
Ralph looked uncertain. “Are you sure that's such a good idea?”
“What harm could it do? I'm already ill.”
Ralph sighed but came and helped me to stand. We left the hut and went and sat on the shore. And oh, how good the water felt. For once I didn't care about being damp. I flopped and laid there in the water, letting the coldness surround me.
Ralph sat beside me, making sure I didn't drown.
“Thank you Ralph. This feels so much better.”
I started the day burning hot. I was ending it freezing cold.
“Where is everyone else?” I asked come bedtime.
“This is a new hut Samneric helped me quickly make so as not to risk getting everyone else sick.”
“Oh. That's a very good idea. Then why are you here?”
“Someone has to take care of you.” Ralph said coming to lay down behind me, and wrapping his arms around me tight, trying to keep me warm now that the chills had started.
First too hot, now too cold. Hopefully tomorrow will be just right.
“You should leave. Can't have our chief taking ill.” I suddenly began a coughing fit.
“You alright? Here. Drink.” Ralph said once it ended.
“Thank you.” I gladly accepted the coconut and drank greedily, glad at least to not have a runny or stuffy nose.
I handed him back the nut and laid back down, relishing the warmth of his body as he returned his embrace.
“I've already been around you all day, if I get sick I get sick. Besides, as chief and as your friend, it's on me to take care of you.” He began running his hand up and down my shaking arm, trying to warm it up as he surely felt the gooseflesh on it.
“I'm so cold…”
“I know. It'll pass. You'll be fine.” Ralph assured me. Or maybe he was trying to assure himself.
“How is he?”
“Not well Nicky. Coughed pretty hard all throughout the night. And he was so cold though he spent the day so hot.”
“Hmmm. There's not really anything to do but wait and hope for the best.”
“Isn't there something else that can be done?”
“I wish there were Ralph. But you know as well as I do there isn't.”
“I don't like that answer.”
“I know. Neither do I.”
“Hey Si. How're you feeling this morning?” Ralph asked when I woke up.
“Throat hurts.” I croaked out.
“That makes sense with all the coughing. Here, water.”
I drank from the coconut.
“More?”
Ralph handed me a second coconut which I also drained quickly.
“Thank you.” I said softly and laid back down.
I was hot again. Hot and tired.
“What would you like for breakfast?” Ralph asked softly.
“M’not hungry.”
“Come on, try, for me?”
I sighed and struggled to sit up. My head felt dizzy but I managed.
Ralph offered me some fruit and nuts.
“I'll see about getting Samneric to bring us some fish later. Would you like that?” He asked as I slowly ate a banana.
“Perhaps.”
Ralph looked stressed. I felt guilty causing him trouble and giving him more to worry about.
“Thank you Ralph. I think I'm feeling better today than yesterday.” A lie. A bold face lie. But I smiled at him, and he smiled back.
Ralph stayed with me in the hut all day. We spent most of the time with idle chit chat or me sleeping and him keeping watch. Then come dinner time, it happened. I felt my stomach cramp up in the worst way and immediately stumbled out of the hut with Ralph following close behind asking what was wrong. I made it as far away from the hut as possible, barely making it to the shore where I became violently ill.
It felt like my body was purging itself as the illness escaped me from both mouth and nose, something that's never happened to me before, and prayed would never happen again.
When I finished I collapsed into the water, thankfully away from where the sick was being washed away. Tears were streaming down my face from the pain of the experience.
I wondered if Ralph had left, not that I would blame him if he had. Jack doesn't do well with illness, he can't stand the sight, sound, and definitely not the smell. But I don't blame people for that. I completely understand. Jack himself told me when I cared for him during his time of illness that I was a special sort, and that he wished he had my ability to care for others during their times of illness because it's a hard thing to do.
I felt myself being lifted out of the water.
“Come on Simon. Let's go back. I'll clean you up.”
I didn't respond, being too overwhelmed by my friend's kindness.
I became ill once more in the middle of the night, startling Ralph from his sleep. I wasn't able to make it to the shore this time but I had at least made it outside of the hut.
Ralph helped me back inside and wiped me down with his washcloth, which of course was just a tattered old shirt. Who's we don't know.
I laid there panting as he wiped me down and then when he'd finished asked if I was cold, which I was. He then wrapped me up in his arms again and tried to keep me warm.
“Sorry Ralph. I'm sorry.” I whispered hoarsely as tears poured from my eyes.
“Hey, don't be sorry, it's not your fault. It's alright. You're going to be alright.”
I whimpered and Ralph turned me around, startling me, and tucked my head beneath his and stroked my tangled curls.
“It's fine. You're alright. You're alright. Just rest Simon. Just rest and recover.”
It didn't feel fine. I felt physically awful, emotionally drained, and just so guilty. But I had to try. I had to try for Ralph.
So as I silently cried into Ralph's neck, I prayed to God to cure me. I prayed knowing He could heal me, and hopefully spare Ralph anymore stress or sadness over someone like me.
“He's getting worse, Nicky.” Ralph tearily said.
“Oh no. Please don't say that.”
“I… please, what can I do? Something, anything.”
“What's gotten worse?”
“He's begun vomiting. A lot. Quite violently from mouth and nose.”
“Oh that's not good. What about the coughing and throat?”
“Yes. That's still happening too. And his fever keeps coming back with chills.”
“............. We must prepare for the worst.”
Day three was quite horrid. I couldn't keep down anything and just gave up by lunch time.
The rest of the day Ralph simply focused on keeping me hydrated.
“Ralph?” I asked quietly around what must be supper time.
“Hmm?” He responded.
He was leaning against the back of the hut, this one actually having three sturdy sides and large leaves hanging up front to help keep the wind and sun out which has its good and bad points at different times for me, I was laying my head forlornly in his lap and Ralph was running his hands through it, detangling the curls for me. It felt rather nice.
“Who's leading the others while you're here with me?”
“I get out and make announcements every morning while you're asleep. But for the most part it's been Nicky who's been running things for me, with occasional help from Samneric….” He trailed off, hands stilling from their task.
“What is it Ralph?” I sensed he had more to say.
“Well… I thought we'd have problems from Jack and his hunters. But apparently not. The opposite in fact. Nicky's said they've been mild and even helping some.”
“Really? That's great news.”
“I'm a bit wary of it, but yes. In theory it's very good.” Ralph continued on with my hair, much to my enjoyment.
It's the only thing I seem able to enjoy right now since everything else hurts.
I closed my eyes and focused solely on that, feeling so tired. So very, very, tired, as I have the last few days but being unable to sleep soundly.
“I miss the littluns. How are they?” I asked.
“They're alright. They all miss you a lot though. Ask about you everyday Nicky says.”
I smiled at that. “Do they really?”
“Oh yes. Especially Henry and Percival.”
I giggled softly before going quiet.
“You okay Simon?” Ralph asked.
“Tired. So very tired.” I whispered.
“Okay. Sleep. I'll be here.” He rubbed my upper arm encouragingly.
“Hmm… I'll try. Can you talk to me?”
“What about?”
“Home. Your home. What were you like?”
“I was better, as we all were, I suspect. I enjoyed sports. Played several with my friends and cousins.”
“Mmm… what was your favorite?” I asked tiredly.
“Hmm… I enjoyed football a lot, if I had to choose. Rugby can be fun.”
“We played rugby at my school. I'm quite good at it.” I said quietly.
“I'm surprised you play. That's really cool Simon. When we get back, we should play sometime. You should come visit me, stay at my house for a time. We'll play rugby and football, and I can show you the wild ponies that visit my home.”
“Oh! You have wild ponies near your home? That sounds brilliant.” I felt a good warmth consume me at the thought of having a friend who would want me to visit. Someone who wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen with me. A very nice change of pace from my regular life at school.
“Yeah, it is. I've named several of them. When you come visit, I'll show you. I'll invite Nicky too, it'll be a fun sleepover, the three of us. What do you think?”
I began to tear up. “I think I would quite like that Ralph. I would like that a lot.”
“Good. Then that's our plan. First you'll get better, then we'll get rescued and then you'll come stay with me for a time. We'll play sports, we'll feed ponies, and my mum makes the best homemade bread and jam so we could enjoy that as well.”
I yawned, feeling myself beginning to drift. “I like bread and jam. What kind?”
“All sorts because we have a garden. Raspberry, blackberry, strawberry, and grape which is probably my favorite.”
As Ralph continued to talk, I finally fell asleep dreaming about friends, ponies, and jam.
“Jack is insisting on visiting.”
“No. Absolutely not. He's horrid to Simon and I'll not have him upsetting him while he's so weak. You tell him to keep staying away if he truly cares for Simon at all…. Besides. We can't risk him getting sick too. One is already too many.”
“You're right of course. But Jack doesn't take the answer no well at all.”
“I know. I'm sorry Nicky. But thank you for helping me. I just can't leave him alone. He's so sick and I fear it's just getting worse.”
“.……….”
“I'm scared Nicky… I've never been so scared in my life… and look where we are and what's happened.”
“I understand Ralph. But if the worst should happen, I've lost loved ones. I can help you through it. But for now, let's keep faith.”
“Yes. Faith, faith is good. Things often get worse before better. He's just… purging the badness out of his system so he can start over and be well.”
“Yes, that's good. And could very well be true, which is better.”
“I'd like to lay on the shore again please.” Day four of misery. Back to hot.
“Okay. Let's go.”
We went and laid, side by side on the shore, enjoying the waves gently cooling our different levels of heated bodies.
I haven't vomited again, but that could just be because I haven't eaten. Ralph's concern continues to grow.
I tilted my head and looked at my friend. His blonde hair has grown as all our hair has, and it looked like a halo flowing around his head. His green eyes were watching the clouds, but I could see how tired they looked. He's been working very hard. Too hard. I felt a pang of guilt.
I turned my gaze to the clouds he seemed so fascinated with. “That one there.” I said pointing to one. “Looks like a rabbit don't you think?”
“Oh, you're right. It does.” He giggled. Ralph then pointed out another cloud himself. “That one looks like a bicycle.”
“Oh, I see it!”
“I miss riding my bicycle.” Ralph sighed.
“Yeah? Are they great fun?”
Ralph turned to me in surprise. “Haven't you ridden a bicycle?”
I blushed slightly as I shook my head no. “My parents… mostly my father… they didn't think it was worth the money or worth learning.” I said simply.
Ralph's eyes looked sad. But he thankfully didn't pry anymore. He looked back towards the clouds. “Well that's okay because you'll be visiting my home and I can teach you to ride. We'll just add it to the list.”
“Okay.” I smiled softly, hoping that we really could do all the things on the growing list.
Sam and Eric brought us fish and bananas for dinner. Ralph wanted me to try to eat again. But I'll admit to being scared.
“Come on Si. Just try. You have to try. Eating helps keep you strong, the more weight you lose the weaker you get which means the sicker you'll get.” Ralph explained in massive concern.
I then hesitantly picked a piece of fish up and tentatively put it in my mouth. It tastes good. I enjoy seafood. Possibly more than land meat.
When my stomach didn't reject it I continued to slowly pick at and eat the fish, thankfully letting Ralph relax some.
This was the first thing I've eaten all day, the first thing in two days really.
Luckily the fish was small. I didn't want to risk eating too much at once. After I finished that Ralph and I split a banana.
“Does your stomach hurt?” Ralph asked a little while after dinner.
“No. It feels okay right now.”
“Good. That's really good Simon.”
“Tsss sooo c-co-cold.” I went back to freezing that night. I embarrassedly wrapped myself up around Ralph.
I had never been so grateful to be so small, easily fitting in his arms.
“It'll pass. It'll pass.” Ralph said, rubbing his hands up and down my back and arms trying to warm me up.
I buried my face into his neck, and squeezed my own arms around him, warming my hands against his back.
“At l-least I'm n-not hot anymore.” I chattered.
“Yeah, see, a silver lining.”
“Mmhmm.” I hummed. “B-better to-to be cold for sure.”
I miss the cold.
“Ralph….”
“I'm here Simon.”
Oh, how I miss the cold.
“Can… cough… can we go to the shore? It's so hot.” I asked the fifth day of illness. I was burning again. I found I preferred to be cold over hot and would be grateful to never be hot again.
“I don't think that's a good idea Simon. It's really windy out there and looks like it's going to rain. I think we should stay here.”
“The wind will feel good. So will the-” I began coughing again. Harsh body wracking coughs.
Ralph immediately came over and helped me sit up. I felt too weak from the heat so he moved to sit behind me for my smaller frame to lean against him.
As the fit continued far longer than any of the others until I was nearly gagging, Ralph held me close and began rubbing my back, clearly just not knowing what else to do.
“You're alright Si. Don't worry you're fine.”
I could tell that we both knew he was lying. But I appreciated the sentiment all the same.
I muttered a thank you when the fit finally ended, falling backwards and leaning into Ralph.
“I'm sorry.”
“You don't have anything to apologize for.” Ralph said giving me a gentle hug, which normally I wouldn't mind, in fact I would love that, not getting enough physical affection at home, or really at all, but I was just so, so hot and immediately pushed myself away.
“Outside. Please Ralph. I'm so hot…”
“Simon, we can't. Here, just lay down and I'll fan you with this leaf.”
I laid down and he began to fan me. I closed my eyes and did my best to enjoy it but it just wasn't good enough. I just felt so miserable. And watching Ralph work so hard to take care of me wasn't making me feel any better.
“Maybe we'd both be better off if we let the fever take me…”
Ralph stopped looking stricken. “Don't say that! Don't you dare say that Simon! You're my friend and I would be miserable without you okay? I care very much for you and will continue doing whatever it takes to help you get better, because if you need a reminder, you're going to get better, then we'll be rescued, and finally you'll stay at my house where we'll accomplish all the things on our list, do you understand?!”
I looked up and saw Ralph had tears in his eyes. As did I.
“I'm sorry Ralph. I won't talk like that again.”
Ralph fiercely wiped his eyes and silently continued fanning me.
The storm outside had begun to worsen, as did my fevered mind.
“I need to go outside. I need to go in the water.”
“Simon, we can't. It's raining now. We have to stay here in the shelter.”
“It's too hot, I'm too hot, I'm burning!”
“I know Simon but-”
I didn't hear the rest of what he said, quickly escaping from the suffocating hut.
I could vaguely hear Ralph screaming my name.
Oh how wonderful the wind feels on my face!
“Simon! Come back inside!” Ralph yelled.
I continued to run all the way to the shore enjoying the sweet cooling relief of the wind and rain on my burning skin. The only thing that felt better was the waves crashing over me as I ran into the water all the way to my shoulders.
Thunder boomed and the water crashed. But I didn't notice or care as the waves began dragging me under, because at last I was finally cool.
I began to lose air but still, I didn't struggle and allowed the water to continue to pull me under, as though that was where I belonged.
And I would have continued to remain under the water if someone hadn't grabbed my waist and dragged me out.
“O Father who art in heaven, please don't take Simon from me. Please spare his life, thou who sees everything knows he is as without sin as any mortal can be. Please Father. He is the only one who makes me wish to be a better person and without Simon…. I will be as lost to thee as a lamb without a shepherd. So please, please, have mercy and let him be well…. Please Father… please… I beg of thee, don't take my best friend away…”