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if soleum had successfully returned home after using daydream’s wish ticket, choi would have spent a lifetime looking for a person who was no longer in his world. the misconception that soleum was a native of his worldline gave choi and jaekwan the persistence to keep looking for him after his sudden disappearance from the glass prison.
six months. the hyunmoo sunbae duo spent an arduous six months looking for soleum. if he had actually used the wish ticket to go home, choi believed that he had to be around here, somewhere, given that he didn’t mess up his wish. but he knew— soleum was too smart for that. his hoobae would have ensured that he had the right sentence in mind before drinking that suspicious miracle potion.
when he failed to notice that soleum was inside the transport cage that j3 was holding during the man in the screen incident, you can’t completely blame him. he was looking for a person. not a supernatural disaster being used as a tool by the cult company he hated. soleum, at the time, rationalized to himself that he couldn’t afford to be taken away by the bureau because he had yet to prove his worth to director cheong. but in his core, he just… didn’t know how to face agent choi. what could he even say? that he messed up his wish? that he almost died and now he’s eternally employed to daydream? he knew that choi would get involved one way or another to get him out of that predicament but then again, he didn’t have the courage to face him.
choi practically had to find out the hard way that he missed soleum by a hair’s breadth. just imagine the dread upon realizing that the person you were looking for was literally in front of you but you didn’t notice him because (1) you were needed somewhere else because there was a ghost story on the loose and (2) a grown-ass man won’t literally fit inside a carrier. observation skills be damned, the cogs just didn’t fit.
but it wasn’t just dread. all sorts of emotions would’ve bubbled up inside him: impatience, frustration, regret and relief. relief that they finally discovered a trace of him after 6 months of finding nothing. a silent affirmation that, at least, he was still alive.
ever since hyunmoo team 1 reunited in front of the ascetic box, choi had become more attentive to soleum. he was practically staring down at him like a hawk and was actively trying to predict his thoughts and next movements. it’s as if he was under the impression that if he looked away for one second, soleum could slip away from his grasp (which is true).
"Wait, Grapes-ie."
...You said not to move. That includes you."
“It’s not right in front of us yet.”
“For now, let’s all sit down and think of a countermeasure without provoking the box… Is that okay, Grapes-ie?”
—————
“...You were planning to move and lure the box, weren't you? Until everyone else could leave safely."
...!
"You're the same as ever. Wow, I guessed it again."
(240)
choi was making every effort to stop soleum from doing anything rash, because he knew, his hoobae was still driven by the same principles as he did as before. he was the same person who would risk his life at the most critical moment. he was too similar to choi in the way that they both couldn’t ignore the value of a life. soleum justifies that a coward like himself could easily abandon someone if the situation calls for it, when subconsciously, he couldn’t. it’s as if he felt responsible because he had more information of this worldview, not realizing that this kind of thought process was naturally part of his kindness.
choi, on the other hand, simply cannot ignore someone’s call for help, even if that person did not explicitly state that they were in need of rescue. he was both driven by his sense of duty as an agent and his habit of taking heavy burdens for himself. ultimately, he thinks that all lives are worth saving, except his own.
My arm was grabbed.
Turning my head, I saw the person still lying unconscious on the floor who reflexively reached out when I moved.
(243)
at this point, choi was practically functioning on instinct. he was desperate to keep soleum close in fear that he might lose him again. he had lost soleum twice and he was determined to not let that happen again. even if it meant interfering with soleum’s plans or risk incurring his hatred.
“And if necessary… I’ll go. I’m the one who knows the most about this place,”
“Grapes-ie.”
Agent Choi reached out. And then…
Smack.
He flicked my forehead.
“…!”
Aargh!
“Do I look like I have a death wish to you? Of course, I was only going to check carefully and come right back.”
Despite his smiling face, Agent Choi looked quite annoyed…
But after a breath, it settled into relief.
“You, on the other hand, don’t act impulsively here. Please.”
(244)
choi was, in fact, incredibly vigilant to a fault. he:
- maintained a close proximity to soleum when they were exploring the noose forest (247)
- sensed that “gears were turning” in his head when braun’s identity was discovered and immediately realized he was trying to evade the subject (258)
- noticed that soleum was staring at a blank phone screen inside the subway train while he was viewing the DER wiki (261)
- tried to send him away under the pretense of civilian evacuation and snatched away the talisman at sekwang highschool (285, 287)
- suggested that they split the collected dream essence collected from sekwang high on a 50-50 ratio despite having no use for it (290)
in addition to that, choi would also withhold information. he wouldn’t hesitate to lie so that soleum won’t any get funny ideas. he would say placating words like, “I trust you”, when in reality, he didnt completely do so. when soleum asked for information, he would leave out the important details from the subject, simply because, who knows what soleum would do?
soleum was aware of all of these— all of choi’s attempts, plans, obstructions, lies. he knew he was acting like this because that’s just how “agent choi works” and he understood that they were stuck— stuck in an unending loop of trying to gain the upper hand.
as a component of that, choi had jaekwan join the exploration team of blood broadcasting station. he needed someone to keep tabs on soleum while he covered agent haegeum’s shift at the bureau. he just… didn’t expect getting more emotional baggage afterwards.
choi certainly didn’t expect that jaekwan wouldnt be able to get out of the subway because of a sudden mishap.
he felt responsible and it didn’t help that soleum was acting on his own again. how could he deal with jaekwan’s situation and soleum’s erratic behavior at the same time? soleum even brought him a note that k. lee left in the subway, all the while looking for the dream incubator from that underground laboratory and now, he also had to deal with a consequence of an identity that he has “no memory of”.
it was… simply too much. the best he could do was to make sure that kim soleum doesn’t get himself killed, or worse, get himself stuck in a state worse than death.
but after realizing the true purpose of the popsocket and the dream incubator, soleum had become more aggressive, more impulsive, more stubborn.
of course, he would. he spent all this time assuming that there was no way back home after messing up the wish ticket and now, agent choi was incessantly “tagging along” with him.
but why wouldn’t he? a person is more susceptible to disappear in a ghost story if they were in a state of panic. choi was trying to make sure he doesn’t do anything reckless. he probably thought it was a mistake to share that experiment log from the cheerful research institute because that was the root cause of all of this.
so, choi had no choice but to remain vigilant. like how he kept holding onto the power cord of the dream incubator to make sure soleum doesn’t accidentally activate it, how he asked for the custody of that machine, how he kept following soleum all the way to the scales tribunal, how he volunteered to be judged first by that ghost story and how he even tried to rig the scales to tip on one side just in case things go awry. (310-316)
but it’s not like he could be there every single time.
…
he should’ve been there when soleum and jaekwan were pushed out of that train.
and choi had spent 293 days regretting that.
he isolated himself in a cave trying different methods, rituals, just literally anything that could potentially wake his two hoobaes from their deep slumber. he even risked getting on a fight with a daydream director because he smuggled their bodies away. on top of that, he tried to confirm soleum’s claims of “coming from another world”, made a deal with the seoraksan tiger general to steal soleum from cheong dallae’s grasp at the cost of a (body part) loan and even kept tabs on the seal of sekwang city, slowly counting down on doomsday.
all for what?
to watch soleum throw himself into danger the moment he wakes up?
to realize that no matter what kind of plans he come up with, soleum would find a way to evade him and proceed with his own agenda?
to know that he looked like a villain in the eyes of the person he cared about? that he would distance himself to the point that he wouldnt even call him by his name and just refer to him as “that man”, “that agent”, “that person”?
to acknowledge the idea that even if he wanted to close the proximity, he couldn’t do so in fear that he might run away?
to understand that even if he tried his best to keep his people safe, he’s forced to swallow the fact that he’s powerless? that he’s useless? that his method was wrong, despite thinking that it was the best solution given how limited his options were?
he was exhausted. he couldn’t even hide his fatigue behind a smile, his habit of masking emotions simply couldn’t keep up. he barely ate, slept, or did anything to take care of himself. he probably wanted to give up. the only thing that kept him going is the silent promise to save the two people who lied motionless in front of him. because they weren’t dead. they were just stuck inside a supernatural disaster.
as an agent and as their senior, he had the duty to save them— no, he wanted to save them.
and he did. it was just a little complicated.
in choi’s perspective, the home that soleum was trying to attain was but a fleeting dream. this dream was not worth risking his life over, especially if its foundations are built from a note that lee kangheon had left. he had to watch someone he cared run to the depths of hell because of a vague note. a note that came from a self that remained like scars of a plague.
he couldn’t simply stand still. he had to say something, even if he had to hurt them both in the process.
“Kim Soleum.”
Agent Choi sat down in front of me.
And a pleading yet firm voice was heard.
“You can't go home.”
(353)
but no matter what he said, no matter what he did, he couldn’t stop soleum from sacrificing himself to protect others or keep him from pushing his plans of going home. despite signing a contract that kept them from interfering with each other, choi was forced to sit out the termination of the sekwang city disaster. he was even right next to him during the chasing gangcheori ritual, and somehow, soleum still ended up getting contaminated to the point of no return.
agent choi knew— he could never be soleum’s home.
“Soleum, I've been thinking about it for a while. You said it, didn't you? ‘This situation itself, this place is a ghost story and a Supernatural Disaster to me’… you said that.”
…
“So, I think...”
“Here.”
“You have to go home… Soleum-ah.”
(368)
this time, he was neither his friend nor his superior. he was an agent who was responding to someone’s call for rescue.
– Return safely, Citizen.
and that was the greatest salvation that agent choi could give to kim soleum.