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Coco laughed as her mom swept her up in a hug, rubbing her cheek over her hair and scenting her, drenching her in cloth-sweetgrass, so thick she could almost choke on it. Mine-mine-mine her scent insisted to the world, and Coco believed her, because what else was she supposed to believe? This was home. It would always be home. She was safe here with her mom, in their home.
“Oh Coco," her mom said, setting her down. “What have you done?”
Coco looked up at her, confused. The tone was all wrong. It was angry, in a way her mother almost accusatory, as if Coco had done something horrible.
“I don’t - Mom what’s happening?” Coco asked, scrambling towards her mom, trying to get back to the warmth.
“How could you do this to me?” Her mom accused her, her scent sparking with angry-fury-afraid. “Why does your curiosity have to get the best of you? Why couldn’t you have just left it all well enough alone? I would still be here if you did.”
“I don’t -” She started and then scrambled back with a sound of fear as spikes exploded out of the ground, glowing a brilliant blue-white. Her hands were dripping with something wet, ink. Her mom bared her teeth at her in a snarl. But even as she did so, the spikes encased her, turning her to stone.
Your fault, your fault, this is all your fault, whispered all around her. She staggered backwards, a scream tearing from her lips.
A hand grabbed her shoulder, spinning her around. Smoke-warmth-ink filled her senses and she let out a sob of relief. Olruggio was here, he would make sure that nothing hurt her.
“What did you do?” Olruggio snarled, and his scent was no longer comforting. It was fun of anger, angrier than she had ever seen him.
“I didn’t mean to.” Coco sobbed, “Please, please it was an accident I swear.” Olruggio’s gaze was cold. A look of disgust in his eyes. Qifrey was at his side, no warmth in his gaze. Just anger.
“Please, please I’m sorry.” She begged, trying to get them to understand. “I’ll fix it, I promise. I’ll make it better. Just give me a chance -”
Qifrey let out a low scoff. “As if I would want someone like you as my apprentice.” He spun, striding away.
Olruggio glared at her, “Don’t even think of followin’ us.” He spat. His scent full of anger-disgust-annoyance.
“No wait! Please -” Coco whined a high pitched help-me-scared-hurt but neither of them turned around, leaving her alone in the dirt. She let out a helpless sob, but nobody answered her, she was alone.
She woke with a start, jerking straight up in bed, her blankets pooling around her. The stench of fear-panic-terror thick around her, near choking. Tears dripped down her face, as she curled into herself, trying to stop the sobs shaking her whole body.
It wasn’t true. It wasn’t. Qifrey won’t leave her. He knew what had happened, he knew what she had done and he had taken her on anyway. Olruggio probably knew as well. They weren’t going to throw her away. They weren’t.
She tried to force herself to calm down. To think of the times that Olruggio had held her since that day in Kalum. It wasn’t that often, but she knew that was more her fault than anything else. She was the one who kep tflinching away from him. Her instincts not agreeing on wheter or not he was safe.
Qifrey held her a bunch of times. Just as many times as he did the rest of them. Even if she could barely smell him and any scenting he did washed away by the end of the day. It didn’t mean she wasn’t his apprentice. It didn’t mean they weren’t pack.
Her next sob turned into help-me-scared-hurt. Nobody answered, because of course they didn’t. It was the middle of the night, she was in her room. There was no reason for anyone to come anywhere near her right now. But her stupid instincts didn’t agree, they kept screaming that she was abandoned-worthless-bad. She whined again, high and pleading. The scent of fear bearing down on her.
All she wanted was for Olruggio to scoop her up in his arms. For his scent to curl around her. Or Qifrey to run his hands through her hair and hold her close. Anything to remind her that she was safe, that she hadn’t messed up so badly they would never want to speak to her again.
But she couldn’t bother them now. Not when it was so late at night. It would be an annoyance. She couldn’t be such a burden. She couldn’t give them any reason to cast her aside. Pups were a lot of work. She needed to be the least amount of work possible.
But it felt like the shadows of the room were snaking towards her. And it was so lonely, so cold. There was nobody here. No pack to keep her safe.
She was out of bed before she realized what she was doing. Out of her room and crossing the atelier. It felt like she just blinked and she was standing in front of Olruggio’s door. The sign mocking her.
She could just knock on it, and have him hold her. She would be safe, just the same way she had been safe that day at the market. Safe from anyone ever so much as thinking of hurting her. Not even the brim caps would be able to take on Olruggio. At least, that’s what her instincts thought he was her Alpha, her protector.
But Olruggio had been so busy with a commission recently. They had barely seen him at meals or anything. The light was off, she could see it under the crack in the door. He was probably finally asleep. And she couldn’t wake him up. She wasn’t a baby; she could deal with it by herself.
But she couldn’t just leave, not to go back to her cold, empty lonely room that held nothing but the sour stench of fear. Coco hesitated for a moment, before giving up and curling up in a ball against the door, because this was better than nothing. If she closed her eyes, she could almost imagine that Olruggio was right there, that she could smell his comforting scent. It wasn’t perfect, but this way she won’t be disturbing anyone. It was better than nothing.
Another whine nearly escaped her, but she swallowed it down. Everything was fine, it was! This was better than her room. It had to be good enough for her stupid instincts. But the small creature inside of her kept whining, begging for someone to find her.
She bit her tongue as hard as she could to stop the next whimper from coming out. Pack-where-pack-help came out even when she tried to fight it. It wanted a nest, and someone to hold her, to protect her against all the scary things in the world.
She didn’t deserve a warm nest.It was her fault this had happened, not anyone else’s. She had dabbled with forbidden magic, her mom was gone because of her. She didn’t deserve a warm nest or a protector.
“Coco? What are you doin’?” A familiar voice asked. A scent reached her nose, smoke-warmth-ink, Alpha. Coco couldn’t help the sob that came out of her mouth, the choked pup call that followed it, begging for her Alpha to protect her.
“Shit. Are you hurt?” Something hit the ground, and Coco flinched back in front of the sound. Hands reached out for her, checking her over. Large, kind hands. She knew them. They meant safety.
Coco started to cry harder, clinging to the shirt in font of her. She didn’t mean to, but the tears just poured out, shaking little whimpers. The hands were so warm, chasing away the cold that had overtaken her. Her instincts finally quieted, just a little bit. She hadn’t messed up too badly. Alpha was still here. He would fix it.
A whiff of panic-concern-worry made her tense. If Alpha was scared, she should be scared too. He wasn't scared of anything. She whimpered a low scared-scared-scared against her Alpha. He was supposed to protect her. But if he was scared, who was going to protect him? It would be like her mom in the shop when the mean Alpha had cornered her.
Here-here-here Olruggio rumbled back, his hands still moving across her body in big sweeps…checking for something. “Come on lass, I need you to tell me where yer hurt.”
The tears came harder then. Because she was the one who was upsetting him. He was probably really tired and annoyed at her for clinging to her and making a mess. No matter how much she told herself that, she couldn’t make herself let go of his shirt, separate herself even a little bit.
Sorry-sorry-don’t-leave-please She tried to apologize.
“What? No, no I’m not angry at you.” frustration-upset-worry. Coco whined again, quieter this time, trying to muffle it. Her tongue stung from how hard she had been biting it.
“Fuck this.” Olruggio muttered. If Coco was in her right mind she would giggle over it because Qifrey was very clear that nobody was supposed to use bad words in the atelier, but Olrugigo was so bad at following that rule.
But she wasn't, all she heard was the annoyance in his tone. She whined again sorry-sorry-please-forgive-me, begging. She didn’t want to be put down, she didn’t want to have to be alone again. Alone with nobody to protect her from the scary Alphas of the world.
“Shush, shush’ Olruggio murmured, guiding her face to rest against his neck where his scent was the strongest. He adjusted her in his arms as he stood. “your alright, we’re just movin’ around a little, that’s all”
True to his word, he didn’t let her go, keeping a firm hand around her as they traveled through the atelier. Coco curled as tight as possible to him, still shaking slightly with fear. Olruggio was going to get so sick of her, sick of her clinging to him like a big baby. He was going to put her down and leave just like in her dream.
“Olly? I thought you had gone to bed, what’s - oh goodness, Coco are you alright?” Qifrey’s voice. She didn’t dare raise her head from Olruggio’s shoulder. But she relaxed a little at her master’s voice. He cared for her, he won’t let anything happen. He’d keep her safe.
“She’s not talkin’” Olruggio said, his voice rumbling through her whole body. It felt soothing. Coco’s eyelids were so heavy, but if she fell asleep the dreams would follow her instead. She clung tightly to his shirt, the fabric wrinkling under her hands. “I can’t tell if she’s hurt.”
“Let me see. Coco, dearest, what happened?” Qifrey’s voice was kind, gentle the way he always was. And usually Coco would trust him implicitly. That was her master, the one who would have done whatever it took to keep her safe, who had sworn to help her save her mom, and given her the tools to do so.
But, she couldn't smell him, not more than the usual mild whiff of spices-herbs-sap. She couldn’t tell if he was angry at her or not, or anything about his emotions really. So she kept her face buried in Olruggio’s shoulder. She could smell him. His scent was all over her, protective-concern-worry. He wasn’t angry at her. She was pretty sure at least.
“Coco?”
“Come on lass.” Olruggio’s voice, soft in her ear as he ran a hand down her back. “Can you answer Qifrey please? We need to make sure you're alright.”
Right. Here they were trying to help her, and she was just making it worse. Being so selfish and not letting Olruggio go. Even as she tried to tell herself that, her hands won’t loosen, still clinging tightly to his shirt.
“Sorry,” She managed after a second, her voice a mere whisper. The hand on her back kept moving.
“Don’t be stupid.” Olruggio grumbled. “You have nothin’ to apologize for. If you don’t want to let go yet that’s fine.”
“Olly’s right, dear one. We just need to know if you’re hurt” Qifrey said. And he was being so gentle about it.
“I’m not.” She whispered. “Promise.” She was just being stupid, letting a dream get the best of her. Even though there was no reason for it. She should be better than this. It was so dumb.
Here-safe-promise Qifrey crooned above her and she realized, with a tinge of embarrassment that she had been making stupid puppy sounds this whole time.
“Sorry” she said again, biting her tongue to try and stop the noises.
Olruggio’s hand came up and gently tugged at her hair. “What did I say? Nothin’ to apologize for lass.”
“Why don’t we sit down hmm? Maybe catch our breath a little bit before we try and problem solve” Qifrey suggested. “Olly if you would?’
Sure” Olurggio said, settling down on the couch. Coco in his lap. Coco clung to him, shuddering slightly. He ran a hand up and down her back. There was no judgment in it.
Qifrey leaned against his shoulder. Close enough that she could feel his warmth too. It was enough to get her to unlatch and adjust herself so she was between the two witches, enveloped in their warmth. As the tension left her body, the shame slipped back in. This was the last thing she had wanted. She hadn’t wanted to be a bother and now both of them were sitting here when they could be doing other things.
Several minutes passed like this. It was peaceful. Olruggio kept rubbing a hand up and down her shoulder, and it might have been enough to let her slip back into sleep. Here it was safe. Nothing could get through the two of them to get to her.
“I’m going to get you something to drink alright?” Qifrey asked, breaking the silence “and a washcloth for your face and then we can talk.”
He got up to move and her stupid instincts decided to protest with a vengeance. She whimpered a pleading come-back-sorry-please-don’t-leave. The sleepiness leaving her, replaced with a spike of anxiety.
Safe-here-it’s-okay Olruggio tried, but Qifrey was leaving and he was taking his scent with him. Barely a whiff left. She had messed up somehow and she wasn’t even sure how. Olruggio pulled her close but it didn’t help. She whined again, pleading the pup-call escaping her before she could stop it. Sorry-sorry-come-back-i’ll-be-good.
Qifrey dropped down in front of her, crooning softly. “Shush, shush, you’re alright, you’re okay. We’re here, I swear to you.” He reached a hand out, gently grasping hers. “Olruggio will stay with you, I just need to grab something. It’ll be quick. I promise”
“Qifrey -” Olruggio started but Qifrey cut him off with a shake of his head. “Is that alright Coco?”
“Okay.” She whispered, curling tighter into Olruggio, as if trying to merge into him. It wasn’t, not really. But if Qifrey was asking, she couldn’t just say no. Couldn’t be more of a burden than she was already. She tried to muffle his whines as he stepped away from her. The shaking came back. Olruggio crooned softly, adjusting her so her nose was plastered against his scent gland again. It helped, but not completely.
“Sorry, sorry” She babbled. Tears trickling down her face again. Probably making a mess of Olruggio’s shirt.
“It’s okay, shush don’t fight your instincts, it’ll only make things worse.” Olruggio said. His hand still moving up and down her arm. It reminded her of the way he had held her after the incident in Kalum. It didn’t feel as comforting as it had then. Not when Qifrey wasn’t there, when he had left.
Olruggio started talking, she couldn’t quite focus on his words, but the noise itself was nice. Something she could focus on. Before she knew it, Qifrey was back holding a wash cloth in one hand, and a glass of water in the other.
“Here, drink some water. We’ll clean your face up, then we’ll talk, alright?” Coco didn’t want to move from her shelter under Olruggio’s arm, the only spot that was at least somewhat safe for her. But Qifrey had asked her too. She didn’t want him to leave again.
She raised her face and he smiled gently at her. “Good girl.” He passed her the water glass, making sure that she had a good grasp of it before he let go. She took a sip. The cool water was quite refreshing, sliding down her throat, loosening the headache she hadn’t even realized was behind her eyes.
Once she had finished the glass, Qifrey gently cleaned her face and her scent glands, lessening the stink of fear. It was nice, comforting. She couldn’t have messed up that badly if he was willing to be so nice to her.
“There we go! I’m sure you feel much better.” Qifrey said. “And one more thing!” He pulled a snugstone from his pocket, passing it over to her. “To keep you warm.”
“Thank you Master Qifrey.” She said quietly, biting down the urge to admit that she’d much rather have Qifrey hold her. The snugstone was nice, she had slept far better with it than without but it wasn’t the same. It didn’t smell like anyone.
At least Olruggio didn’t move his arm from around her, still gently rubbing circles into her shoulder.
“Come now,” Olruggio said from above her, “You and I both know that’s not what she’s lookin’ for Qifrey. Hug your apprentice.”
“Right, yes of course, come here my dear.” Qifrey settled on the couch and pulled her into a hug. She pressed herself as close as she could, trying to scent him, practically clambering into his lap. It didn’t work, not really. Qifrey’s scent didn’t change, or become any stronger than it was before. .
Still, he was warm, soft and alive. Not turned to stone, not angry at her, that was all that really mattered. With both her master’s pressed on either side of her once again, she felt herself relax. It was safe here, squished in between them.
“Do you want to tell me why I found you curled up next to m’door” Olruggio asked after several quiet moments,
Coco’s cheeks warmed and she buried her head in Qifrey’s shoulder, trying to hide from their gaze. It was just a nightmare. Sorry for bothering you. I didn’t mean to make a fuss” She muttered.
A hand ran through her hair, soothing her. She hummed a happy noise, eyes far too heavy in the quiet warmth of the living room. It was hard to even be nervous of their reaction. Not when the love-care-affection hung so heavy in the room.
“It’s alright dearest.” Qifrey murmured softly, “Better that you bother us then you be scared.”
She shook her head, hands coming up to clutch at his shirt. “No, no you’ve been so tired lately, both of you and now I’m keeping you awake - I’m sorry.”
“Nonsense. Don’t be stupid now.” Olruggio rumbled. “It’s your master’s job to worry over you. Hell, I’d say he even enjoys it. It gives ‘em purpose.”
“Olly!”
“What? I’m only tellin’ the truth, Qifrey, you could try to be less of a mother then sometimes.”
Coco let out a wet giggle, the guilt still heavy in her stomach. Because she hadn’t gone to Qifrey, she had gone to Olruggio instead, Olruggio who hadn’t signed up for this. And now they were both awake and it was all her fault. She should have just stayed in her room.
“Oh dear one.” Qifrey murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Whatever you’re thinking I can assure you it’s wrong. Olly may tease but he’s just as glad to make sure you’re safe, isn’t that right?”
“Of course.” Olruggio said, his voice a low rumble, scent full of alpha-protect-safety. “‘It’s my job after all. Would be a pretty shitty -”
“Olly”
“Pretty bad Watchful Eye if I didn’t” Olruggio said, she could hear the roll in his eyes. But his hand came up to gentle cup her neck and she went boneless. Exhaustion pulling her under like a drug.
There was a soft sound of laughter above her as she was adjusted slightly to a more comfortable position. She curled tighter against Qifrey and just breathed. There was silence for several long moments before Olruggio broke it.
“She asleep?”
“Looks like it” Qifrey’s voice was soft, a mere whisper.
“Fuck Qifrey, I really thought she was hurtin’ back there. You should have seen her, just curled up next to my door, cryin’”
“She came to you, that’s an improvement.”
“She woulda sat there all night. If I hadn’t found her.” Coco whined at the whif of fear-concern-frustration that hit her nose, before she could stop herself. It lessened almost immediately. She did her best to keep her body loose, her eyes closed, trying her best to pretend to be asleep.
“Here, Olly take her.” She was moved from one pair of arms to another. Gently, as if she was made of glass. His calloused hand ran through her hair in a soothing pattern, rubbing softly.
Sleep dragged her back down, impossible to resist. She could still hear the hum of voices but it was impossible to make out the words.
If she dreamed at all, she didn’t remember them. When she woke, she was curled up against Olruggio’s side and the back of the couch. He had an arm wrapped around her, surrounding her with warmth.
It was the most safe she had felt in a very long time, and yet, she could not help but think of the way that Qifrey’s scent was only faintly there. Some part of her whined at that. It wasn’t right. His scent should be all over her, claiming her. Like Olruggio’s scent, but it wasn’t. And that was enough to make her cold, even in Olruggio’s arms.