Work Text:
Ext. Apartment
Soupy is lying on the stairs.
A LIMOUSINE pulls up, and a General wearing dark sunglasses steps out.
General: Soupy the Cat?
Soupy looks up.
General: Soupy, I’m asking you to come with me. Your country needs you.
Soupy licks himself.
Int. Limousine
Soupy lies on the seat facing the General.
General: Soupy, as you probably don’t know, on account of being a cat, we’ve recently established the first colony on Mars. Unfortunately, the situation there has deteriorated in recent months.
He opens a briefcase and takes out a photo of an asteroid.
General: Earlier this year, (172493) Shackleton crashed on Mars. The immediate effects were negligible, but it soon became apparent that it was not lifeless, but contained a colony of space gophers.
He takes out a photo showing what look like earth gophers but green and with antennae.
General: These little bastards have gotten into the colony greenhouse and are devouring the crops grown to feed it. The situation up there is getting desperate, as its leader can attest.
He takes out a tablet whose screen shows COMMANDER ANDY DEVINE.
Andy Devine: Oh Soupy it’s just a gosh darned mess up here, we got gophers out the wazoo. I can’t get a carrot, a potato, not even a dang rutabaga! I don’t know what to do, they didn’t teach us anything about gophers at space school!
General: If our colony is to remain viable, this infestation must be dealt with immediately. Ordinarily, we’d send up a pest control squad, but our funding has been diverted to tearing down statues of civil rights activists so we figure why not just get a god danged cat to deal with them? Our research shows you’re the best cat for the job. So Soupy, can we count on you?
Soupy scratches himself.
Ext. Cape Canaveral
Soupy, wearing a space suit designed for a cat, walks a railing into a spaceship.
Once he’s in, the door shuts and it takes off into space.
INT. Spaceship
Soupy stares out the window at the cold and distant stars with mild curiosity.
Ext. Mars
The ship lands on Mars.
INT. Martian Greenhouse - Sector 6F
GOOFY GOPHER, wearing glasses and a tie, pops his head out of a hole.
He looks through binoculars at a carrot patch.
He makes a Mortimer Snerd laugh at the sight.
He goes down and pops up under a carrot, and is about to take a bite of it when he hears something.
He takes out his binoculars again.
Goofy Gopher’s POV
He pans across the field, but sees nothing.
Feeling safe, he turns back to the carrot, only to find Soupy looming over it.
He POUNCES.
Goofy Gopher (off screen): Oooooh hoo hoo hoo!
BLOOD splatters on the carrots.
INT. Martian Greenhouse - Sector 1A
PETER GOPHER (wearing a blue jacket) and his MOTHER walk along a field of lettuce.
Peter Gopher’s Mother: Now you be careful, Peter Gopher, and stay close to me, there’s a cat around.
Peter Gopher nods his head.
As his mother collects lettuce, Peter sees a grasshopper hop by, and follows it.
After a while he loses track of it, and realizes he no longer knows where he is.
Nearby, hidden by the grass, Soupy observes Peter.
SOUPY POV: Thermal vision shows Peter’s heat signature as he trots about.
Peter Gopher wanders around looking for his mother. He doesn’t notice Soupy emerging from the grass behind him.
Elsewhere, Peter Gopher’s mother frets.
Peter Gopher’s Mother: Peter! Peter, where are you?
She hears something through the grass.
She rushes to the source of the sound and SCREAMS.
There is the blue jacket hanging on a leaf of lettuce and blowing in the wind.
INT. Space Gopher Burrow
The SPACE GOPHER KING sits on his throne as his subjects shout at him in anger and fear.
Papa Gopherwitz: You said there were no cats on Mars!
Space Gopher King: Be calm, my subjects! I know we live in troubled times, but remember, we have endured and survived far worse! We came to this planet in search of a home where we could raise our children in safety, and we shall not let some mangy cat ruin our-AAAH!
A paw reached down and grabs the Gopher King, and drags him to the surface.
Ext. Martian Surface
Soupy pulls the screaming Gopher King out, and promptly lifts him up with his mouth. He shakes him until his neck breaks, after which he starts tossing the body into the air over and over.
INT. Mars Base HQ
Soupy arrives carrying the body of the Space Gopher King in his mouth.
He lays it at the feet of Andy Devine.
Andy Devine: Oh Soupy I haven’t got a present this good since Santa gave me a Red Ryder bee bee gun.
He picks it up and tosses it on a pile of gopher carcasses, one of many, which are being burned with flamethrowers.
A tech holds up a tablet displaying the General.
General: Soupy, thanks to you mankind’s conquest of space continues on, and we’ve even wiped out our first alien race. Your mission is completed; time to come home.
Soupy scratches himself.
Ext. Apartment
The limousine drives in. The door opens, and Soupy hops out, now with the Congressional Medal of Honor hanging around his neck.
As the limousine drives away, Soupy goes back to the steps and goes back to sleep.