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The bathroom floor was cold.
He didn't really know what to do, today was a really tough day, and it was only 6pm!
He sit there trying to calm his racing thoughts, but they never stopped. Unconsciously his eyes went to the drawer were he had his shaving stuff... the blades, no he shouldn't he made a promise to Annabeth he wouldn't go through this alone, that he would reach for help, she told me i had to talk to her when this stuff happens, but, on the other hand he didn't think he would make it throughout the day any other way.
He knew he was going to dissapoint everyone but his emotions took the control over him, as he was reaching for the box his mind kept going faster and faster and...
He was so so so stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, how could anybody love him?, he has never enough, he always ruined everything and it was his fault, nobody else, his and hishishishis...how he even dare to be sad if he didn't act such as an asshole evertime he had something good in his life this wouldn't be happening, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, he was going to die alone, just how everyone who died in battles, his battles, he could have done more, moremoremore...
By the time he reached the box his hands were shaking, the pain, the thoughts, everything needed to stop and it was only one way to make it happen, as he brought closer the blade to his arm he thought about Annabeth, she would be mad and disappointed and, and it would only made everything 10 times worse, so instead of doing it in his arm, he could try to do it in his thighs, this way Annabeth will never know about it.
There was only one moment of hesitation before pushing the blade into his skin, the pain he was yearning for came in waves through his spine, it was all he needed for going for another swipe, this time faster, the blood beging to create in little beeds on the cuts, but he needed more, so he went harder and faster the next time, and the next, and the next, and the next even harder and faster, he didn't know how many time he was like this, he couldn't see anything else, but at the same time he couldn't understand what he was seeing. It wasn't him the one doing the cuts, well maybe not his rational part, his emotions had taken everything, every part of his mind, his body, and now his skin.
He didn't stop and see what he had done until there was not more space, what he had done? It was fuking disgusting, nonononono, there was blood on everything, his fingers, his clothes, the blade, the floor, oh gods...the floor was covered with blood, his blood, he thought. The thighs just horrified him covered in cuts all over the inner part, who the hell would do this to themselves? Disgusting
His breathing started to go faster, he thought keep going with other part, but it has no more energy in his body.
He zooned out as his breathing became more erratic, his heart went faster. The jaw of the boy started to hit repeatedly his upper teeth just then he realized he was shaking bad, really bad, that has the last thing he could understand before being consumed by the panic in his chest because how could anybody do this to themselves? And there was so much blood, he didn't know what to do, he didn't remember from other times, fuck, fuck, fuck.
After a few minutes his breathing even out but the fog in his brain didn't, but he knew he needed to stop the bleeding, so he just took some toilet paper and pressed it over the cuts, then he saw the paper, there was so much blood, everywhere, and it wouldn't stop coming, why? Why? Why? He begin to cry hard, very hard, he wanted someone to help his but didn't want anyone to know what was he going to do? He let out more sobs until it only came dry ones, but he felt a hole in his chest so big he believed it could swallow him.
He was such an idiot, idiot, idiot... how could anybody love him? He always will push people away when he felt bad, he will ghost them, how could anybody love someone who did this to themselfs? Annabeth would leave him and Jason and Grover and Rachel and his mom and his stepdad and and and, fuck, he was really fucked up, he left a sob out of his lips and began to spiral again but a crack on the door bring him out of his mind as he listened, then he realized the scene he was in, but he was out of energy to try anything to hide so just watched how a girl with blonde princess curls and grey eyes locked eyes with him, and in that moment he felt how his heart just stopped, and waited for the girl to shout, to tell him "you promised me you would get help!", to broke up with him, because...why not?
Insted of that she just sat next to him and hug his shaking body tightly, whispering "it is okay" over and over again.
~~~☆~~~☆~~~Annabeth ~~~☆~~~☆~~~
After the evening activities Percy said he was feeling tired and went to his cabin, she finded that a little strange because it was to soon but she didn't question it.
Then when she was talking to Piper, the girl said Jason was upset because of an argument with Percy, she tried to ask for more but the other gils said that she knew nothing more about it because she and his boyfriend had to separete to go to the camp activities.
Jason told her that Percy had been distant the last few days and he decided to talk to him, but the boy got defensive saying it wasn't true and that he was just, like, tired. He said her boyfriend started to shout and then he run away from him. Jason, after talking with Piper, asked Leo if he just noticed something wrong with Percy, he told him that everyone in the capm felt Percy like he was in another world, then Jason told Annabeth that he and Leo went to talk with Percy but they never found him.
"And why didn't you let me know?!"
"I didn't think it was to serious, maybe he was just tired or didn't feel like talking...i don't know!"
She started to look for him everywhere until she got to his cabin the door was closed so she approximate, and before hearing the sobs of the boy, she though about his habit to isolate himself when he felt sad, or angry, or overwhelmed, or...well any emotions, because he didn't want to bother anyone, i wish he knew he doesn't bother me, she thought, also somthing deep inside her remembered her of the times he cut himself, when she finded out he tried to deny it at all costs, but she knew. She didn't made him promise her he would stop, she knew it was addictive, it wasn't that easy, but told him that if he ever felt like that again he needed to talk to her or Mr.D or Chiron she didn't care, after she suggested that he needed to told his mom, he was terrified, but everything went fine.
Now she was there, sitting in the bathroom floor, hugging her boyfriend, covered in his own blood with cuts all over his thighs. He was shaking way more that what she thought a normal person could, but now, thinking it, he wasn't normal, he went trough a lot of things that anybody should ever live and now it was catching on him.
Then she realised his breathing, it was fast, really fast and she relised he was having a panic attack, she break the hug to help him through it but noticed how he was already trying to even out his breathing, this have happened before, a lot, she breathed with him until it passed.
Then, he started to talk,
"I'm so so sorry, i know i said i would tell you and talk to you but i, i i..."
He sighed and started to cry again, she have never seen him this way
"It's okay perce, i promise"
"But, but, aren't you mad at me?"
"Mad? Percy i know it's addictive, and i know addictions are not that easy to forget, i would never be mad at you for not staying clean, this was your first time trying to get over this i didn't expect that you would never do it again."
He made eye contact with her, and she felt like as if a knife had been plunged into her heart, he had blood on his face, probably coming from his hands; his eyes were red and puffy and they reflected so much pain she felt tears starting to form in her eyes.
"But i was so stupid, should have talked to you, i can't do anything without wanting to cut, im so stupid, i always think that you are going to leave me, that everyone is going and i try to tell myself that it isn't true but i can't help it but isolate myself because i know i am only going to hurt people when they get too close, i tried, i really tried this time, i promise, but it just all catch me today when Jason asked and, i know it sounds stupid, im sorr-"
She cut him off by kissing him
"Is no stupid, i get it but you need to talk when you feel like this ok?"
"...ok"
After that she helped to clean his cuts, bandage them and take to the infirmary to have them examined. He cleaned everything else with her help, any of them said anything but some i know, or, its okay and Percy appreciated it.
In the infirmary Will took a look to the wounds, gave him some ambrosia and made a therapy appointment with Mr.D.
After dinner, she and Percy told Chiron what happened and he let Percy call his mom. He preferred to do it alone while Annabeth told his friends about the replase, all of their friends knew about her boyfriend past struggles and Percy allowed her to tell them. Jason specifically felt really bad but Annabeth assured him it wasn't his fault, it was everything that happened before and he shouldn't feel guilty.
Then she went to see if Percy had finished, she heard him talking with his mom who said goodbye by making him repeat:
"Nobody is going to leave me alone, you love me and you could never stop doing it, ..., happy?"
(Muffled words on the other side)
"Yeah, i will try to go home next month, and i promise that i will call you if things go this bad again"
He hung up and saw her, right now he looked way better than he did hours before, she knew he would probably replase again, but in that moment she looked to the most brave, beautiful boy, her boy, the boy who jumped into tartarus with her and hold the sky for her, her boyfriend.
"I love you seaweed brain" she said
"I love you too wise girl" and he hugged her softly before going to the campfire of that night.