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Life in Howerds is like life anywhere else across the train tracks. Mostly borin’. Lotta white guys, though. Didn’t bother me though, I was one of ‘em anyway.
I had shoulder-length ginger hair that I always kept combed back and took good care of. My eyes were a cool grey color which my parents had always hated. Pa said it looked like Ma’s ex’s eyes and Pa hated being reminded of it. I had a few freckles and a mole on my cheek, which was the one thing about myself I hated more than anything. It looked just like Ma’s mole.
The walk back from detention was as normal as ever. The cool air nipped at my skin as the gravel crunched under my feet. My hand loosely grasped on the strap of my backpack. Once I reached the door to my house, I hesitated. It was eerily quiet. It was never quiet in the house. Normally there was some form of yelling or the sound of bottles breaking. But this time it was just silent.
I grabbed a hold of the door handle, waiting to hear something before sighing under my breath. Pa was probably in there again, maybe waiting because he’d heard I’d gotten detention. I turned the knob and creaked open the door. I glanced around, looking at the chair where dad normally sat with that stained white tank top. Nobody.
Weird.
I didn’t question it too much. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, right? I quickly made my way up to me and my brother’s room, plopping down on my bed almost immediately. My brother, Keith, was sitting down on the other bed, holding an icepack over his eye with a busted lip. He’d clearly run into Pa.
Keith was a sweet kid, unless Carter was around. He was a bit on the shorter side and was a bit stocky. He had messy ginger hair like mine and kind, green eyes. He had freckles adorning his face along with his pale skin. He always had some type of bruise on his face too. I hated seeing him hurt but… at least it wasn’t me, right?
“Jasper! Welcome back.” Keith welcomed me with a toothy grin.
“Hey, Kei.” I greeted, giving him a soft smile, “Ya doin’ okay?” I asked as I opened my backpack and pulled out an unread library book that Jake had given me yesterday.
“Yea, fine. I mean, my eye hurts, but… It ain’t nothin’ too bad.” He said as he shifted to lay back against the bed with a yawn.
“Listen, man.” I started to say as I pulled out a can of beer and took a sip of it “Someday, I’m gonna get us outa ‘ere.”
“Yea?” He asked teasingly, “‘Nd someday I’m gonna grow wings.”
“Nah, man, I really mean it! Ma and Pa can’t keep us ‘ere forever, right?” I told him, looking down at him. He clearly didn’t take me seriously, and honestly, I didn’t care. I’d figure it out. I’d be able to.
Just as Keith opened his mouth, there was the sound of something hitting our window. I glanced over at the window before standing up and opening it.
“Probably a bird or some-” I was suddenly cut off when a rock hit me dead in the teeth. I fell back against the floor, holding my mouth whilst trying to hold back tears.
“Ow! For fuck's sake, who’s just throwing rocks at the damn window?!” I hissed out.
“Ah! Holy shit, I’m so sorry!” A familiar voice called out from below. I sighed, slowly standing back up. I grabbed the ice pack from Keith, who was now standing at the window while looking down at whoever was there.
“We ‘outa be down in a sec, ya two!” He called down to them while I placed the ice pack over my mouth, an annoyed look on my face.
Keith rushed down the stairs, first as always. It was the same thing we always did, so we didn’t get caught or yelled at. While he went down, I grabbed my coat and sprayed a few sprits of cologne. Jake was there so I had to wear cologne. I got called a homo for being so proper when Jake was around, but who really cares. You only live once, right?
I quickly rushed down the stairs as soon as Keith left, quickly heading to the back of the house to meet up with them. Jake and Carter were there along with Keith, and I couldn’t hold back a smile as I saw Jake.
Carter playfully messed up my hair. “You alright there, kid?” He teased with that stupid grin on his face. Carter was taller and older than the rest of us. He had chestnut brown hair that was always messy and in his face. Rumor in school said he had lice, but nobody brought it up with him. At least none of us did. He also had a stupid looking gap in between his two front teeth from a fight he’d gotten into when he was younger.
I rolled my eyes, shoving him off me and smoothing my hair back down. Jake came behind me and pulled out a comb, starting to help me fix my hair the way I liked it. I was grateful to have a friend like Jake. He always fixed my hair how I liked it. He had fluffy blonde hair that always fell over his soft, blue eyes. He was always a bit taller than me, but only by a few inches.
“I’m real sorry ‘bout that, Jas. I ain’t mean to hit ya. Ya normally answer on the second one, not the first, so I-” Jake started to apologize, moving one strand of hair out of my face.
“Nothin’ to apologize for!” I cut him off, smiling back at him gently. I playfully pinched his cheek, tugging softly.
“Ay! Off, off!” Jake hissed softly, shoving my hand off his face. He huffed quietly, rolling his eyes.
“Alright you two, no need to be fags.” Keith teased from Carter’s side, making both me and Jake realize just how affectionate we’d been. Keith and Carter started walking off with a snicker, expecting us to follow.
“Ay! We ain’t no fairies!” I called out, grabbing Jake and following behind them.
Carter rolled his eyes, glancing back at us as we walked. “Calm down, ya two. I’m just messin’ with y’all.”
I glared at Carter, but I didn’t say anything. You don’t mess with Carter unless you wanted a problem. He’d hurt me without a problem.
None of us asked where we were headed with Carter leading us, we all knew where. We’d head up to the rubble and mess around for a while, maybe do something stupid before we’d all go back home.
My grasp tightened around Jake’s arm, on the edge of being painful, before I tugged my hand away and crossing my arms over my chest.
Maybe I was a bit too harsh with Jake. But he should be able to handle a bit of pain. A stupid flush fell over my face at the thought of dating Jake. It was wrong, most definitely, but it also seemed like it could be so enjoyable.
I’d never dated anybody, Pa would’ve killed me if he found out I was dating a chick. But that beating would’ve been ten times worse if he found out I was with Jake of all people. He was so pretty and sweet to me, sweet to everyone, actually. He was too kind for someone on this side of the tracks
Why am I even worried about that? It could never happen. Jake was straight. If he knew what I was thinking, he’d never talk to me again. He probably would’ve made fun of me, called me a fruit or something.
“You alright, Jas?” Jake asked from beside me, pulling me from my worried spiral. My fingers twitched slightly.
This was stupid. So stupid. No guy should feel like this about another guy.
I nodded shallowly, fingers tensing at my sides.
“Yea, ‘m great.” I muttered, clutching my hands at my sides. He didn’t need to know what I’d been thinking. About how warm his arms would be around me, about how we’d have to hide from everyone. He’d never have to know about it.
This wasn’t the first time they’d teased me and Jack, so why was I thinking about it so much? What was I acting like this for? There was no real reason to. I wasn’t actually a fairy. Neither was Jack.
Even if he was, it was too late to confess now.
Writing this was stupid. Letting Keith convince me to write this was stupid.
Jake went over the tracks years ago.
I still remember it so clearly. The image of it burned into my mind.
I’d ran to the tracks as fast as I could after I’d seen the letter he wrote me. The apology. The confession. But when I got there, when I finally arrived to the scene, it was too late. The train was speeding down as fast as lightning, and Jake was standing there. In the middle of its path. Unmoving.
The cops came soon after, someone must’ve reported the scene. I didn’t. I wasn’t able to talk, or do anything. My throat was too dry, my lips unable to move. Blood was splattered on the ground.
That was all that remained of the boy with blonde hair.