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Taehyun has always been observant. 

He was known for being the student with the biggest pair of eyes in their university. Big, bright, and sparkling whenever he talked about something he loved, or even just when he looked at his dearest friends. People would say he silently stored every detail, as if life itself unfolded behind his gaze.

He was observant in a way that was almost unsettling. Some would say he had a quiet, kind of mysterious aura. Truth to be told, he didn’t speak much to other students, unless your name was Hueningkai, that is. Not because he disliked people, but because he preferred observing them instead, analyzing the little patterns of their lives, rather than actually knowing them.

That had been how he’d treated Yeonjun and Soobin at first. But over time, he realized how mistaken he had been. Truly knowing someone, seeing every shade, every little flaw and every smile, was far more wonderful than he had ever imagined. And if Soobin was perfect in his own effortless way, well… Taehyun couldn’t say the same with Yeonjun and his loud mouth, but he wouldn’t have him any other way.

And about Hueningkai, that was another matter entirely. He was his twin flame, his longtime soulmate in the most literal sense. Friends since diapers, attached at the hip through every stage of life, surviving everything together. Their entire existence had a shared orbit, so it wasn’t surprising at all that Hueningkai had been sprawled across Taehyun’s bed all day like he owned the place.

“Hyung and I are going to watch Hunter x Hunter tomorrow, wanna come?” 

There was no need to specify which hyung Hueningkai meant. There was only one hyung he could talk about, and that was Soobin.

“Why would I?” Taehyun answered lightly, reorganizing his wardrobe. He was in the middle of changing all his clothes hangers, which, for the record, was not an easy task, especially with someone actively not helping at all.

Hueningkai just shrugged, continuing eating his chips and making sure no crumbs would fall over his best friend’s bedsheets, or that would become his death bed. 

“I think Beomgyu hyung might come too,” he added. “He hangs out with Soobin hyung quite often.”

Choi Beomgyu was… new. New in every possible way. New to their university- came all the way from Daegu. New to their friendship group, hanging out with them at lunch and sharing some classes with the others. New in an exquisite kind of way that made Taehyun reconsider his entire life. 

Choi Beomgyu was also… a lot. Not in a negative way at all. He was loud and chaotic, impossible to ignore, always wearing funky and edgy clothes that no one would pull off but him. He wore colorful scarves, mismatched socks, funny themed gloves and such. One time he had even showed up with a strawberry crocheted hat. Even his hair was somehow always different, alternating a low ponytail with two low ponytails, sometimes even decorated with little ribbons. 

He was quite a hard personality to catch up with. At first, even Hueningkai and the others had a difficult time to stop being always so shocked whenever Beomgyu showed up. Now, they have grown used to it.

Though to Taehyun, he couldn’t help but always be surprised by Beomgyu. By his way of existing, of taking life as funny as it was. He was always a wonder and an enigma, and maybe that was why Taehyun couldn’t seem to stop noticing him and developing feelings for him.

“Chaerry is actually coming over tomorrow, so.”

Along with Hueningkai, Chaereyong was the only other person he could (secretly) consider his other best friend. She was living her own life in Busan now, working as a professional dancer. Although she always found ways to text him or come up on weekends to hang out, that time just wasn’t the case. She wasn’t coming at all, and Taehyun shamelessly lied. 

The thing was, he liked Beomgyu. Unfortunately, not in a platonic way. 

But Taehyun was observant, and he knew Beomgyu would never feel the same. And to be honest, he didn’t seem to like him as a friend either. Not that he was rude or mean- quite the opposite, actually. But he just… never made room for Taehyun. He seemed to gravitate everywhere except near him.

Sometimes it was as if Taehyun were the plague. He didn’t understand why, but Beomgyu simply didn’t talk to him. Like he could stand there all day and still not quite be seen. And there was something about Beomgyu that made being invisible sting a little more than he wanted. 

Maybe it was the way Beomgyu seemed to fill every space and corner with so much energy and life, while Taehyun just stayed on the edge of it, quietly watching. Waiting for even just a glance in his direction. 

At first, he told himself he didn’t mind. He really didn’t. Except he did.

He studied Beomgyu from more than he meant to; the way he laughed at his own jokes even before finishing them. The way his hands moved constantly, and the way he made everything feel a little brighter and chaotic. And it was kind of exhausting, in a way, liking someone who never seemed to look at you in the same way, and just watching them care so little about you.

And yet… Taehyun still couldn’t look away. No matter how hard he tried. 

♡♡♡

It was much later that winter when Beomgyu suggested they all hang out at his place. 

They were all sitting at a café near campus; a break from their endless classes. It was Hueningkai who had, as usual, managed to gather all of them together. 

“Movie night? Game night? Whatever you want,” Beomgyu spoke as he took a sip of his coffee. The foam clung funnily to his upper lip, like he suddenly grew little mustaches. That day he was wearing a dark brown coat, wrapped around his figure tightly. But that wasn’t just it; he had paired it with a kiwi scarf and matching gloves. Sometimes, he just liked to match everything together. Taehyun thought he was silly and yet so beautiful.

“Isn’t your place, like, an ex garage?” Yeonjun asked, leaning forward to eat his chocolate cones. 

Beomgyu made a face at his words. “So what? You know damn well it’s nice and big enough for all of you!” 

Hueningkai giggled and leaned back to his chair. “I veto game night. It’ll just end up being you and Soobin hyung teaming up anyway. It’s not fun.”

Taehyun had to look away for a second, suppressing the urge to kiss his best friend right there. Thank God. 

“It’s just because you guys sucks,” Soobin replied casually, shrugging. “I don’t mind either way.” 

“I’m in for a movie night,” Yeonjun chirped, then immediately pointed an accusing finger between Hueningkai and Beomgyu. “But, I veto horror movies.” 

One by one, all eyes eventually landed on Taehyun. Even Beomgyu was impatiently waiting for him, and for a moment, Taehyun wondered if Beomgyu was hoping he wouldn’t come at all.

Without saying much, he reached for a napkin and silently passed it toward Beomgyu.

“It’s fine either way for me, too,” his voice came out smaller than he intended. 

Beomgyu’s face was all scrunched up, staring down at the napkin with slightly furrowed brows. Taehyun couldn’t read him at all. He never really could. But then, Beomgyu took it quickly and wiped the foam off his lips. He didn’t meet his eyes once. 

“Okay then,” Hueningkai announced, finally breaking that awkward moment. “This Friday works for you guys?” 

A chorus of yes echoed through the small corner of the café. But even after the conversation moved on, a strange feeling clearly lingered all over Beomgyu’s face, as he refused to even look up in Taehyun’s direction once. 

Friday actually came really fast. Taehyun still had some assignments to finish and projects to continue, but at some point he decided it wouldn’t hurt to take a break for the night. Especially since his eyes were really going to fry if he stared at the screen of his computer any longer.

He changed into a simple black shirt and ripped jeans (ripped all the way to his inner tights, but who would even care?). He was just reaching for his jacket when the intercom rang. It had to be Yeonjun. Taehyun didn’t bother opening the gate properly, just heading down as he was.

“Hey, hyung,” he greeted once he got into the car. Yeonjun gave him a smile before pulling out of the parking spot. 

It felt a bit unfamiliar being a passenger princess, especially because he was used to driving Hueningkai to university every day. That day, though, Hueningkai was coming straight from his part-time job, so Yeonjun insisted on driving him instead. 

The drive to Beomgyu’s place wasn’t actually long, just fifteen minutes or so. Obviously, they filled every second of it blasting SHINee at full volume. Taehyun had to admit it was easy to like Yeonjun, even considering him an older brother. He was just that great and the coolest person Taehyun knew. 

“Ah, Taehyun-ah,” he said as he parked right outside Beomgyu’s neighbourhood. “You go ahead. I’m going with Soobinie to grab some snacks.” 

Taehyun blinked, his heart racing just a little bit. “Hyung doesn’t have snacks?” 

Yeonjun shrugged. “He probably has, like, two bags of chips and nothing else. So lame.” 

Taehyun couldn’t even counter his answer that Yeonjun was already driving off, leaving him completely alone, in Beomgyu’s neighbourhood. He swallowed hard, and every step to the door weighed like bricks. 

For a whole two minutes, he just stood there, debating whether to actually knock or just wait for Hueningkai or the other hyungs to come. But he realized he’d just look like a complete fool, and finally decided to ring the doorbell. 

It’s fine, he told himself. It’s not like Beomgyu hated him or something. That would be strange, considering they were in the same friendship group. They weren’t close, sure, but not complete strangers either. Something in between, with just a bunch of casual sentences here and there. 

The door opened before Taehyun had the chance to think himself out of it again.

“Oh, Taehyun,” was the first thing Beomgyu said. “It’s just you?”

Taehyun gulped. Beomgyu looked really pretty like that, wearing grey sweatpants and a bear fluffy sweater that looked way too big on him. His hair was tied back in a low ponytail, leaving two strands of hair on his beautiful face. 

“Yes,” he managed, then grew weird at himself for how short that sounded. “Yeonjun hyung dropped me off and went to buy snacks with Soobin hyung. Kai’s running late, I think.” 

“What?” Beomgyu frowned dramatically as he stepped aside to finally let him in. “They really think I don’t have anything in my fridge or something?”

“Well, is it true?”

No answer for a few seconds. 

“Of course it’s true. My fridge is most probably empty.” 

Taehyun stared at him for a bunch of seconds before laughing softly. It wasn’t anything loud, just a small giggle and a little dimpled smile as he closed the door behind him. 

He couldn’t see Beomgyu’s face as he crouched down to take off his shoes, but if he did, he would’ve seen his ears turning a cute shade of pink, and his lips parted just slightly. 

As soon as Taehyun got up, a low meow immediately caught his attention. 

“You have a cat?!” 

And just a moment later, a tiny brown kitty appeared out of nowhere, rubbing his nose and tails against Taehyun’s legs. 

“Yeah, that’s Rui,” Beomgyu answered, walking toward the living room. “Careful, though. She doesn’t really like strangers.” 

Taehyun wished Beomgyu hadn’t said strangers just like that. He knew Beomgyu didn’t mean anything bad with it. And sure, Taehyun had never been to this place either, but still. It made his chest tighten hearing himself described that way. 

“She seems to like me,” he said instead, crouching down again and scratching carefully behind her tiny ears. The cat immediately melted into his touch, and Beomgyu gasped a little. Rui even pushed her tiny head further into his hand, purring shamelessly.

“She scratched the hyungs when they first came over,” he explained. Then added, “And she ignored Huening the entire night!” 

Taehyun pretended not to notice the fact that everyone else had already been here at least once except him. And now that he thought about it, this was also the first time he had ever been alone with Beomgyu. The realization made him suddenly hyper aware of every little thing, to the way he dressed, to the way he was standing and his manners. 

His brain promptly lagged, but he followed the other to the couch anyway. 

The second they sat down, Rui jumped directly onto Taehyun’s lap and immediately demanded attention and affection. That was how the first few minutes passed. Beomgyu did everything he could to avoid looking in the other’s direction, and Taehyun kept his eyes down on the cat curled against him the entire time.

It was awkward, painfully so. And maybe that was exactly why Taehyun desperately needed to say something. Anything. 

“I have a cat, too,” he spoke quietly, still looking down. He could feel Beomgyu’s head turning toward him. “He’s at my parent’s. His name is Hobak.”

There was a small pause after he spoke, and Taehyun almost regretted talking. 

“Oh,” Beomgyu shifted beside him. “Hobak?”

Taehyun nodded, his fingers smoothing down Rui’s back.

“Amber,” he explained. “He has amber eyes. And he's a tabby.”

For a second, Beomgyu just stared at him, then the smallest smile tugged at his lip. 

At some point, Rui meowed loudly, climbing higher between them, and Beomgyu reached over automatically to pet her. His hand brushed against Taehyun’s for a brief second, but neither of them made a big deal out of it.

The tension was still a bit awkward, if Taehyun was honest. This was probably the longest conversation they had ever had alone. He wondered if that would be it for the night, but surprisingly, Beomgyu beat him to it. 

“You said your cat’s at your parent’s?”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t miss him?” 

“I do,” Taehyun admitted. “But my mom sends me pictures every day, so it’s fine.”

Beomgyu made a face at that. “Every day?”

“Sometimes even twice.”

“That’s a bit much.”

Taehyun huffed a laugh, running a hand slowly over Rui’s back as the cat settled more comfortably in his lap. “You’re just jealous.”

Beomgyu scoffed. “Of your cat?”

“Of me.”

That earned him a proper laugh this time, soft and surprised. He even shook his head. “Yeah, sure. I wish someone would send me daily updates about my life.”

“You’d probably get bored.”

“True.”

Rui suddenly hopped off their laps and trotted away, completely abandoning them. They both watched her leave.

“Wow,” Beomgyu muttered under his breath. “This betrayal."

Taehyun sighed quietly, nodding as Rui disappeared down the hallway without a second glance. A new awkward silence settled between them, and Taehyun really couldn’t stop thinking about how much time they had before someone would knock at the door. 

So he kinda just said the first thing that came into his mind.  

“I’m kind of hungry.” 

Beomgyu, fortunately, immediately turned to him. “You too?”

Taehyun nodded, glad that he and Beomgyu were on the same page. He sat up a little straighter, rubbing the back of his bare neck. 

“I probably have something. I mean- we’ll see.” 

Beomgyu got up a moment later, nudging Taehyun with his head to follow him. Taehyun hesitated for just a brief second. 

“Don’t expect anything impressive,” he said. “And don’t judge me.” 

“I won’t.” 

Beomgyu led the way to the kitchen. It was pretty small, but decorated with potted plants and a lot of tools like- yeah, his eyes certainly did not betray him, that was in fact an ice cream machine. 

The owner of the house opened the fridge and stared inside it. A long pause followed. Taehyun stepped closer then, peering over his shoulders. Another long pause. 

“That’s… certainly something.”

Okay. It’s not like the fridge was completely empty. It was the combination of things inside it that made Taehyun question every life decision leading up to this moment.

There was a half cake, three kinds of yogurt, a mysterious container of something unidentifiable. Strawberries- probably the only edible food in there. A pack of sliced cheese, and what looked like uncooked pasta. 

Taehyun blinked slowly. “Why is the pasta in there?”

Beomgyu ignored him completely, grabbing random things and placing them on the counter. 

“Okay!” he exclaimed far too brightly, and Taehyun was slightly scared of his enthusiastic tone. “It’s actually better than I thought, we can definitely make something.”

“With what, exactly?”

But Taehyun didn’t even get a response. He then picked up the suspicious container, opening it slightly. One look was more than enough for him to close it immediately again.

“Hyung, what is this.”

“I think it’s stew,” he said so casually, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“You think?”

Beomgyu shrugged. “I ordered it.”

Taehyun stared. “When?”

A little pause. “Like, recently.”

Slowly, Taehyun placed the container back in the fridge. “Right. We’re not eating that.”

Beomgyu sighed, but there was a hint of a smile on his face. That was strange, really. Somehow, conversing with Beomgyu has never been this easy before. It was like they had been doing it for their whole life. Bickering and teasing and smiling like they knew each other whole. Taehyun didn’t remember it ever being like this before. He didn’t think it could be like this, but with Beomgyu, everything seemed easy enough.

Taehyun then reached for the strawberries. “These are safe.”

“Boring.”

He glanced sharply at him. “They’re edible.”

Beomgyu suddenly grabbed the sliced cheese. “We could make something with this!”

“With strawberries?!”

“Don’t limit me.”

Taehyun turned to him, deadpan. “I am absolutely limiting you.”

Beomgyu rolled his eyes at that, but it was accompanied with a beautiful laugh. “Alright, fine, Gordon Ramsey. What do you want to make?”

Taehyun looked at the counter again, sighing. There really weren’t many options. He pushed some things aside, pulling others closer, like he was sorting through chaos in his head first. Beomgyu was watching him intently, tilting his head to the side cutely. Like a puppy. He vaguely reminded him of a maltese. 

“What are you making?”

“I don’t know yet,” he said truthfully. “Do you have bread? Or like, crackers or something?”

Beomgyu thought about it for a second, then surprisingly wandered off and returned with a loaf of bread. It was a bit rock hard, but that’ll do. Taehyun also grabbed the strawberries and then the yogurt. 

“You cook a lot?” Beomgyu asked at some point. 

Taehyun had already pulled a bowl closer and started slicing strawberries, dropping them neatly into the yogurt. “Sometimes.”

“Impressive,” the older commented unnecessarily. 

Taehyun didn’t reply at that, now mixing everything with a serious face. A quiet minute passed like that, before Beomgyu reached over and shamelessly stole a strawberry. 

Taehyun didn’t even look up. “Don’t eat everything.”

“I’m taste-testing!”

“You’re a strawberry thief.”

He heard Beomgyu giggled, and Taehyun’s hand paused for half a second. The sound of his laugh was the most beautiful one in the world. Suddenly, he didn’t want the others and Hueningkai to arrive. 

Beomgyu watched him for another second, then, without really thinking about it, he picked up another strawberry and held it out near Taehyun’s mouth. 

Taehyun hesitated, his heart beating faster in his ribcage. There was no reason to feel like that. His hands were busy and Beomgyu was just being nice and friendly. He forced himself to look somehow normal, then finally leaned forward slightly and took it. Quick, very casual. Like it was nothing, really.

“Thanks,” he murmured, his voice impossibly small. 

A few more minutes passed like that- Taehyun assembling something that somehow started to look actually edible, while Beomgyu kept hovering beside him the entire time like a ghost, occasionally stealing ingredients or feeding the younger some strawberries. By the end of it, Taehyun was almost certain his ears were bright red. 

“Can we add a slice of cake?” Beomgyu asked suddenly.

“No.”

“Why not?” he pouted. 

“I don’t trust that cake. Could be moldy.”

Beomgyu gasped dramatically. “Okay mister, now you’re just fully judging me.”

“Yes, I am.”

“You’re way too bossy and cocky,” Beomgyu laughed anyway, not even mad about Taehyun judging his fridge and his weird ingredients. 

Taehyun glanced up to him with a sweet smile despite his next words. “You’re unhelpful.”

“Wow.”

Taehyun finally finished the snacks a few minutes later, then stepping back just slightly for Beomgyu to properly see the result. 

“Wait,” Beomgyu said, blinking at the plate in genuine disbelief. “It actually looks good.”

It wasn’t anything extraordinary, really. Just a mixture of yogurt and strawberries spread over slices of bread. A simple sweet snack, exactly the kind Taehyun liked. Still, he felt kinda proud seeing Beomgyu look genuinely impressed by it.

“You might actually be useful after all.”

Taehyun huffed softly. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

They brought the snacks back to the living room and sat on the couch again, exactly where they had been fifteen minutes earlier. Their knees almost brushed this time. Beomgyu tried it first, taking a huge bite without hesitation. And then his eyes widened.

“Taehyun, what the hell,” he mumbled, his mouth full. “Fhis ih sho good.”

“Is it really? And don’t talk with your mouth full,” he reached for a slice himself and- yep, compliments to the chef. 

“I can’t help it, I’m imprethed,” Beomgyu shot back, still chewing.

Taehyun rolled his eyes, swallowing. “It’s okay, I guess.” 

“Okay?” Beomgyu repeated, staring at him with wide eyes. “That’s your reaction? You made thith.”

Taehyun just shrugged. “It’s just a snack.”

“It’s not just a snack,” Beomgyu insisted, grabbing another piece. “Thith ith art.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“I’m being correct, stupid.”

Taehyun huffed a quiet laugh, shaking his head. He tried to ignore the way that made his chest feel warm and took instead another bite. For a minute, the only sound in the room was Beomgyu chewing (very loudly) and Taehyun inspecting the living room around him, just an excuse to avoid looking at the other for too long. 

The place really suited him. It was a bit messy but still cozy, with a bunch of accessories on the shelves and a couple of game controllers on the floor. He guessed that one of them could belong to Soobin hyung, since the two of them spent most of their time together playing League of Legends nowadays. 

Somehow, at some point, Taehyun felt his own gaze landing on Beomgyu, and he really hoped the other wouldn’t notice. For a moment, no one said anything, until Beomgyu spoke again suddenly, a little less chaotic this time.

“You know, I thought this was gonna be awkward.” 

Taehyun paused mid-bite, his eyes now finding Beommgyu’s immediately. “Awkward?”

“Yeah,” he answered, shrugging casually. “You and me, alone.”

“Oh,” Taehyun breathed. He didn’t really know what to say. It’s not like Beomgyu was wrong. He himself had fully expected this night to be painfully awkward. “Why?”

Beomgyu didn’t look nervous or anything. If anything, he had the smallest smile resting on his lips. “Well, you tell me. You’re always quiet around me.”

That made Taehyun look up properly. “What? That’s not true. If anything, you’re the one who never talks to me.” 

For the first time that night, Beomgyu actually looked a bit sheepish, grabbing another slice of bread and pretending to focus on it instead. 

“I always thought you didn’t like me,” he finally admitted, more casually than he actually felt. “I saw you talking normally with the hyungs and Huening. But when I say something, you get quiet. You don’t even laugh at my jokes.” 

Taehyun paused, because he never thought about the other side, about how Beomgyu might feel about him, about them. He blinked at him for a second before desperately trying to find an excuse to make the conversation lighter. “That’s just because your jokes aren’t funny.” 

“Hey!” Beomgyu smacked his arm instantly, and they both laughed at that. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Taehyun apologized between giggles, pretending to rub his arm. “But seriously, it’s not because I don’t like you or anything.” 

The laughter faded into something quieter after that. Taehyun leaned back against the couch, while Beomgyu kept looking at the snacks in his hands. 

“You never said anything about me or… you know, the way I dress,” Beomgyu’s voice was small and soft and Taehyun noticed that somehow, this whole night, he had never been too loud once. “I thought maybe you hated it so I just figured you probably didn’t want anything to do with me either. That’s why I kinda, um, ignored you.” 

It was like receiving a punch in the stomach. Taehyun wanted to smack himself for giving Beomgyu reasons to think Taehyun would hate it. He suddenly wanted to go back in time and compliment each time Beomgyu said anything about the way he dressed. 

“I like your style, Beomgyu.”

Beomgyu froze for half a second. “You do?”

Taehyun smiled softly at him. “Yeah. I think it’s cool, even cooler that you just wear whatever you want without caring about what people think.”

Beomgyu let out a soft laugh, but then he immediately went quiet again. “Then, why?”

Taehyun looked down at the plate in his lap. “Because… I don’t know. I didn’t think you’d want me to. You always seemed busy with everyone else.” 

Beomgyu finally looked up at him, staring for a second too long. “That’s stupid. I like talking to you, Taehyun. We should do it more.”

Taehyun felt his own heart pounding painfully against his ribs, threatening to escape from his chest. Beomgyu had no idea what he was doing to Taehyun. 

But he still nudged the plate slightly toward him with his knee. “And make this again for me sometime.” 

Taehyun glanced at it, then at him. “Maybe.” 

“Not maybe,” Beomgyu quickly replied, already reaching for another piece. “I’m inviting myself over.”

Taehyun shook his head, trying to hide his smile. “Of course you are.”

And so what was supposed to be awkward and weird, slowly stretched into something easy and almost effortless. They kept talking about nothing in particular, really. Those weird combinations of food Beomgyu liked to have in his fridge, classes, Hueningkai’s questionable fashion opinions. Beomgyu really seemed to like finally having someone who didn’t judge the way he dressed. 

At some point, Beomgyu stopped avoiding his gaze. At some point, Taehyun stopped looking for a way out of the conversation. 

By the time the front door finally opened, they were both leaning back against the couch, laughing together, the plate between them empty. The others noticed immediately. Yeonjun complained that we just bought snacks! and Kai kept blinking like he had missed something very important. Soobin looked the most surprised, his eyes moving from Taehyun to Beomgyu before a small smile appeared on his face. Taehyun knew instantly what that smile meant. He was happy the two of them had finally clicked.

The rest of the night went smoothly after that. To Taehyun’s surprise, Beomgyu kept puling him into everything without even thinking about it- like looping him into conversation about the movie they were watching, or nudging him when something funny happened, or handing him popcorn and chips without even looking, like it was the most natural thing ever. 

And Taehyun let him, like it had always been that way. 

♡♡♡

It didn’t happen all at once. 

There wasn’t a moment Taehyun could point to and say this is where it changed. Even though that night at Beomgyu’s place was the ever first time they actually talked. 

During the entire month of January, little things started happening and Taehyun couldn’t have been happier than that.

Because Beomgyu actually seemed to like him, talking to him every day of his life now, sometimes even sending him small updates or pictures of Rui sleeping in questionable positions. One time he even invited himself over (just like he said he would), and Taehyun didn't mind at all. He’d smiled and made those strange strawberry snacks for the both of them again. 

And as days passed, Taehyun discovered just how chaotic and insane Beomgyu really was, but at the same time, he also found out he could be just as warm and so damn sweet, especially when it came to him. He seemed to grow quite fond of Taehyun, always choosing the empty seat next to him whenever he had a chance.

He actually discovered so many things about him, and Taehyun was pleased to know that at the end of the month, he was the first person Beomgyu chose for anything. 

Or, for example, at lunch he would wrinkle his nose at his tray, picking out those tomatoes he really hated with exaggerated disgust, before dropping them straight onto Taehyun’s plate without even asking. 

And Taehyun wouldn’t even question it, like it was perfectly normal to eat Beomgyu’s tomatoes. 

“You always forget to ask.” 

“They lie on the menu!”

Taehyun would hum like it made complete sense and act like it didn’t make his heart race for the rest of the day. 

Or another time when they were all together at the café near their university. Beomgyu had ordered a different thing that day; a slice of red velvet cake. After the first bite, his eyes had widened completely and he immediately turned to Taehyun. 

“Tyun,” he’d said, holding out his fork. “You have to try this.” 

The nickname was also something new. Actually, Beomgyu had, somehow, a whole bunch of nicknames for Taehyun. One time he even called him kitty, to which Taehyun had blushed furiously at and Beomgyu spent the rest of the day teasing him about it. 

“Hyung, I’m full,” he’d complained, but he just couldn’t resist Beomgyu’s sparkly eyes. So he’d leaned forward and took the damn bite and Beomgyu had grinned like a fool when Taehyun agreed it was good.

They even discovered, just accidentally, that they both hated chocolate mint ice cream with a burning passion. That alone turned into a ten-minute argument with Yeonjun and Kai in the middle of a convenience store, drawing confused looks from strangers while Beomgyu passionately insisted it tasted like toothpaste. And Taehyun agreed, as always, which naturally made Beomgyu even more excited about it. 

“You two are insufferable together,” Yeonjun had commented that day, a pout on his lips as he lost yet another fight.

“Right?!” Hueningkai agreed. “It’s like they formed an alliance.”

Taehyun stayed giddy for the entirety of the day, smiling like an idiot until he got home and suffocated his burning face into his pillow. 

Then there were the times Beomgyu dragged him places, complaining and insisting that only Taehyun understood his sense of fashion. 

“Help me choose, Tyunnie,” he’d say, already pulling him by the sleeve before he could answer. 

And suddenly Taehyun would find himself standing in the middle of a clothing store, surrounded by bright clothes with strange patterns and silly prints. Clothes that wouldn’t make sense for anyone except- well, except Choi Beomgyu, obviously. 

Because he’d disappear into the fitting room only to come out wearing something absolutely ridiculous, looking entirely too pleased with himself, and ask, “Well?”

And Taehyun would look at him for a second too long before answering. “It suits you.” 

It became very easy to be that person for him. Like Beomgyu had decided there was a space next to him and that Taehyun should belong there. The others didn’t even notice anymore. It was simply normal now. Like they had always been Beomgyu and Taehyun, inseparable friends. 

But, while Taehyun’s adoration for Beomgyu just kept growing more and more each passing day, he couldn’t ignore the fact that something else was happening right under his nose. 

And that was Soobin. 

More specifically, Beomgyu and Soobin. 

At first, it was actually very easy to pretend it was nothing. Because Soobin had always been there- soft-spoken and steady, the kind of presence everyone leaned on without even realizing it. A born leader, Taehyun would dare to say. 

And obviously, it was normal how easy Beomgyu gravitated toward him sometimes when he thought no one was paying attention. 

But Taehyun was observant, especially when it came to Beomgyu, and once he noticed it, he just couldn’t unsee it. 

The way Beomgyu’s voice would change just slightly when he spoke to Soobin. It was quieter and softer.

But also the way Soobin would sometimes look at him like he hung the moon, like he knew him in ways that went far beyond what Taehyun saw. Inside jokes that only them would understand, or small touches that lingered just a little too long. 

A kind of familiarity that made Taehyun wonder, and somehow he always found himself watching them. Not on purpose (he told himself it wasn’t on purpose) but just noticing. 

He couldn’t help the uncomfortable feeling in his chest either. 

It was right after Taehyun’s birthday that Beomgyu told him something that would’ve changed his life. 

The birthday itself hadn’t been that extraordinary. They all went to the arcade and played pretty much every single game. Yeonjun and Soobin had gifted him the ticket to the concert he’d been wanting to see for months, and Beomgyu had gotten him those shoes he’d been eyeing for so long. Hueningkai, however… noted: his best friend, didn’t actually buy anything, thinking wrongly his presence would be enough. It would’ve worked if his name was Choi Beomgyu. Except it wasn’t, so he stayed a whole thirty minutes on the damn claw machine (after Taehyun refused to talk to him) and won him the giant Charizard plushie. 

Taehyun had been happy, overall. Honestly his best birthday ever. 

“Hey, your birthday’s approaching too,” he commented that evening, pushing himself lightly off the ground to keep the swing moving. “What’s the plan?” 

They were currently at the empty park near Beomgyu’s house. It was late at night, the distant traffic the only noise that could be heard. The swings creaked softly every time they moved, too. It was just the two of them, and it wasn’t even the first time either. That was because ever since January, Beomgyu kept coming over unannounced, ready to drag the other around with zero explanation whatsoever and with a bag of popcorn tucked under his arm and really, how could Taehyun ever say no to that? And no, he wasn’t talking about the popcorn. 

“I don’t really know,” Beomgyu hummed thoughtfully, sitting on the swing next to him, legs stretched out, lazily rocking back and forth while eating straight from the bag. “I’ll probably throw a party at my place. What do you think?” 

Taehyun glanced sideways at him. “A party? How many people are we talking about?” 

“Oh, too many. Let’s see,” Beomgyu said, holding up a hand to count. “You, Soobin and Yeonjun hyung, Kai…”

He paused. 

“Yep, that’s it.”

Taehyun nodded once. “Sounds about right.” 

They giggled together for a few seconds, the swings slowing down slightly. They stayed quiet for a while after that- Beomgyu kept reaching into the bag while Taehyun dragged his feet lightly against the ground. 

“Is there anything you want?” he asked out of nowhere, then quickly added to specify, “for your birthday.”

Beomgyu actually seemed to think about it, his mouth forming a little pout while his eyes drifted up toward the dark sky like it could give him answers. 

“I’ve been thinking about it, lately,” he even admitted. “But really, my mind’s blank.”

Taehyun hummed softly, nodding like that made sense. “Then I’ll just pick something.”

Beomgyu looked back at him, narrowing his eyes a little. “That sounds dangerous.”

“It is.”

“You’re going to get me something boring.”

“Hey!” Taehyun leaned over to smack his arm lightly. “I won’t.”

“You totally will!” Beomgyu shot back, giggling, nudging his leg in return.

“I won’t!” 

Beomgyu watched him for a second longer, like he was trying to read something off his face, and then he huffed a quiet laugh and leaned back against the swing, letting it go just as easily as he’d picked it up.

“Fine. I’ll trust you.”

There was a brief silence after that, but Taehyun discovered that after that faithful night at Beomgyu’s place, none of their silence had been awkward ever since. It’s like something very deep had changed and Taehyun couldn’t be happier. It meant that Beomgyu actually found comfort in those silence, and he wasn’t compelled to fill it right away.

But well, Beomgyu wasn’t physically capable of staying quiet for more than three minutes, so. 

“Let’s play a game,” he announced.

Taehyun glanced at him. “I’m not jumping off the swing.”

“It’s not that,” Beomgyu giggled immediately. “Let’s take turns saying our biggest regrets.”

Uh. That sounded far too deep for a silly game in the middle of the night. 

“I’ll start!” he went on, excitedly swinging his legs like a child. “So, two years ago I had this gigantic crush on this guy. He was a lot older than me, so I was really just his cute little dongsaeng in his eyes, you know?”

Taehyun nodded slowly, a bit scared of where the story was heading. 

“He gave me his Instagram and I accidentally liked a photo from 2017 while deep-diving into his profile and also accidentally commented u’re so hot with an embarrassing amount of fire emojis,” he continued, waving his hands with a smile on his face. “When I saw him again, I apologized and told him Rui had taken over my phone and he just… accepted it. I regret giving Rui access to my phone that day. She has never been that powerful again.”

Taehyun stared at him, mouth hanging open, undecided on what to do. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry hysterically at his silliness.

“Hyung, I don’t think he bought that,” he said slowly, holding a laugh. “Can’t believe you put all the blame on Rui.”

Beomgyu grinned widely at him. “The funniest thing is that Rui actually bumped into me and made me send that comment.”

They both laughed at that, filling the silence of the night. For a while, it was just the sound of their laughter underneath the night sky. Taehyun found himself wishing, perhaps a little selfishly, that they could stay wrapped inside that silly little bubble forever.

“Your turn,” Beomgyu added. 

Taehyun thought for a second, searching in his mind every embarrassing little thing he’d ever done in his life.

“I once waved back at someone who wasn’t actually waving at me,” he confessed at the end. “On my way back home that same day, I did it again. I thought it was Yeonjun hyung but it turned out to be some random girl. I really regret not just pretending I hadn’t seen her.”

Beomgyu stared at him with his mouth open, holding a ridiculous laugh. “That happened to me too!”

“I know,” Taehyun replied calmly. “You told me.”

Beomgyu frowned. “Did I?”

“Three times.”

“Yikes.” He shook his head, grimacing. “That’s embarrassing.”

“You should regret it.”

“I do.”

A small and quiet laugh slipped between them. 

It was easy to be around Beomgyu. It made him feel comfortable and light in a way he just couldn’t explain. His eyes would lit up every time he talked about something dear to his heart and Taehyun could perfectly see how much love he had in him. Beomgyu was just so full of love it was almost unbearable. 

“Okay, I have a real one,” Beomgyu said after a moment. Taehyun immediately glanced at him, waiting for him to speak. Beomgyu didn’t look back right away, and his gaze stayed somewhere ahead of them. He had a fond smile on his face. 

“Years ago, I saw this scarf,” he started, nudging his swing casually. “It was yellow. With little bees all over it…” 

Taehyun tried to picture it. 

“Oh, Tyun, it was so ugly,” he even admitted, a faint laugh echoing through the night. “But it was perfect. It was so me.” 

Taehyun believed him without a question. No matter what clothes he was wearing, if it was conventionally ugly or not. Beomgyu just loved them dearly, cherishing them with love and care. 

“What happened?”

Beomgyu shrugged slightly, his smile becoming bittersweet. “I almost bought it. I even had it in my hands and all… I thought I’d find it again, but I didn’t.” 

The swing creaked quietly as he moved back and forth. Taehyun stared silently, not wanting to interrupt the moment. The love he had for things like that was amazing, something he truly respected. He wasn’t going to be a jerk and say that he shouldn’t have bought it anyway because it was ugly. No, Taehyun could perfectly imagine it, that bright yellow scarf around Beomgyu’s pretty neck, and his smile while wearing it. 

“I still think about it sometimes,” Beomgyu added, touching the thin scarf he was wearing now. It wasn't as fancy as the yellow one, just a normal pale pink. 

“Sounds lovely,” Taehyun murmured. He didn’t need to raise his voice. He smiled softly. “It would’ve suited you well.”

Beomgyu turned to him for a moment, just a fleeting second, revealing a sweet and shy smile that he quickly covered with his bangs. 

A new silence settled around them. Taehyun kept thinking about the scarf, like he was mentally noting something in his head, trying to remember the details Beomgyu had said to him. The elder, instead, had fallen more quiet than usual. 

Before Taehyun could realize it, Beomgyu stopped the swing completely, shoes pressing into the ground. His head was hanging low, his bangs now covering his entire face. 

Taehyun immediately frowned. Did I say something wrong?

Panic flowed in his heart as he pressed his shoe to the ground, mirroring the other’s action. 

“…Tyun.”

There was something in his voice that made Taehyun look up to him, worry written all over his face. He was terrified he had said something wrong. He didn’t want to make him sad in any way. He would kick himself if he did. 

“I need to tell you something.” 

Taehyun’s chest tightened slightly. Suddenly? 

He didn’t answer, just waiting for Beomgyu to continue talking on his own terms. After all, he cared about his chance to talk. He always had and always will.

“I haven’t been completely honest with you…” his voice came out small, barely audible, but Taehyun heard him anyway. “You’re special to me, so I want you to know this.” 

I’m… special? 

Taehyun felt his own heart literally skipping a beat at those words. When did that happen? When exactly Taehyun had become someone so special to him that he deserved to know something so secret? He couldn’t help but be incredibly happy, though he quickly hid it. 

Beomgyu had been so distant when they first met, and they never really clicked at first. But ever since that night at his apartment, things had rapidly changed, turning into this beautiful friendship that both of them cherished with their hearts. 

Hearing those words, for Taehyun, was like getting another confirmation that he was special to him the same way Beomgyu was special to Taehyun. 

Obviously, the addition of his growing feelings was another matter entirely. Taehyun was wise enough to distinguish the two things. If Beomgyu was content enough being his special friend, then so be it. 

But… the next words that came out of Beomgyu’s mouth, made Taehyun’s worlds completely crumble. 

“I’m… kind of seeing Soobin hyung.” 

The words landed so quietly, even though they didn’t feel quiet at all. 

“I don’t know what it is, actually,” he added quickly, his cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink. “I mean- we go on dates and I like being with him. It’s easy, and… he gets me.” 

Taehyun blinked once. He wasn’t so sure his heart was still beating in his rib cage. He didn’t feel anything at all. Just a moment before he was the happiest person alive, hearing his favourite hyung saying he considered him special. But now, hearing all this…

Why are you telling me this? Why now? Why not Yeonjun? Why not Hueningkai? 

He knew the answer already, and of course, how could Beomgyu even know that Taehyun had feelings for him? Taehyun had spent weeks burying his feelings in the deepest part of his heart, smiling through every conversation. But it still hurt. He was just, so fucking heartbreaking hearing those words, he didn’t know what to say or what to do with himself or with the beautiful boy beside him.

He wanted to have him for himself, selfishly as it was. Yes. But… was it so terrible to desire something- someone- for the first time in his life? Taehyun had never asked for anything, nor to his parents, nor to his friends. Not even to Beomgyu himself, because he always made sure he was the one Beomgyu would turn to whenever things got too difficult. 

That had been his first mistake, because now Beomgyu was right beside him, telling him he was kind of seeing Soobin but somehow looking so miserable about it. 

“Do you like him?” 

He didn’t know why he asked that question specifically. It seemed just right. He waited for the answer pretending to be still and not completely affected and heartbroken about it. He needed to be that anchor for him. Even if it was about the worst thing that could’ve happened to him. 

“I like him when we’re on dates,” Beomgyu admitted slowly, fidgeting with his fingers nervously. “But… I’m not sure if I like like him. You know?”

Taehyun did know. He wished he didn’t. 

“It’s confusing me,” Beomgyu went on, looking frantically between his hands and the ground. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

And then he looked back at Taehyun, looking frustrated with himself, but his eyes immediately softened when they landed on the younger. 

Taehyun was just staring back. His mind was running at a million miles per hour, too fast for him to recollect his many thoughts. He didn’t quite know what to say. He felt like the biggest wave just hitted him with full force, leaving behind nothing but destruction, confusion, fear. 

He wanted to cry and yell and laugh all at the same time because he just couldn’t believe his ears. He knew something was up between the two, but never would've imagined that they were seeing each other. For how long? Since when, exactly? 

He was torn between wanting to know everything, and wanting to hear nothing at all. 

“You don’t have to decide right away,” he found himself saying, his voice barely above a whisper. “You have plenty of time to figure this out. Soobin hyung won’t rush you, you know how he is.” 

He couldn’t believe his own ears. He loved Soobin with all his heart, even considering him one of his closest friends, but this was about Beomgyu. The boy he liked- loved. 

But then, how could he do that to Soobin, anyway? There wasn't any universe in which Taehyun would be capable of wishing his precious Soobin hyung unhappiness. 

A new silence stretched again. This time longer and heavier and Taehyun hated it. He hated how it sat between them, how it changed everything even though nothing had technically changed at all. 

So, he suddenly pushed his feet harder against the ground, sending his swing moving again. 

“Okay,” he said. 

Beomgyu blinked, a bit startled. “Okay what?”

“New game.” 

“… Huh?” 

Taehyun nodded toward the ground. “We jump.” 

The elder stared intently at him like he was some kind of lunatic. “That’s your solution?”

Taehyun turned to him, and even if his heart was aching, he still found his way to smile at him, because how could he not, to his beautiful Beomgyu?

“Yes,” he replied, his smile reaching his eyes. “You’re overthinking too much. This was supposed to be our chill night!”

Silence followed his words- only the sound of the swing creaking and the distant buzz of the cars passing by. But then, finally, Beomgyu let out a disbelieving laugh, out loud enough to make Taehyun giggle. There it is. 

“You know we’re not five, right?” 

Taehyun just shrugged, his smile still plastered on his face despite everything. His mind was set only for one thing. Make Beomgyu smile. Make Beomgyu smile. Make Beomgyu smile. 

“You’re just scared you’re gonna lose.” 

Beomgyu’s head snapped toward him. “No I’m not!” 

“Doesn’t seem like it,” the younger hummed, making the other’s eyes narrower. 

“You’re going to lose, Taehyunnie,” Beomgyu huffed, looking ahead of him and pushing his feet to start moving the swing again. “You just watch!”

One thing about Beomgyu? He was competitive as hell. 

They both started swinging higher and higher, the night breeze reaching their faces while their hair reached all different directions. They looked absolutely crazy and that was the best part. 

“One… two… THREE!”

They both jumped, higher than they actually expected, and they inevitably lost their balance mid air. Beomgyu hit the ground first with a loud yelp, and Taehyun right after him, the both of them collapsing into the grass in a mess of entangled limbs and laughter. 

“I won,” Taehyun declared, slightly out of breath.

“You suck at this game, Tyun!” Beomgyu laughed, not even trying to get up. 

The grass was slightly damp and cold from the previous rainstorm, but they didn’t care at all. They kept laughing and accidentally kneeing each other, until they were both out of breath. 

For a moment, they stayed right there. Side by side, their skin touching and making Taehyun shiver. They looked at the sky, quietly, like nothing had changed at all. 

Taehyun watched the stars above them, his eyes shining, wishing, perhaps selfishly, that time could stop there. He would’ve loved living in that moment forever, just for a little while. But of course, he knew that wasn’t possible. And so eventually he wet his lips, forcing his dry mouth to collaborate. 

“You don’t have to figure everything out right now,” he whispered, his tone soft and heartily. “You’ll know when it’s right.” 

Taehyun kept looking at the sky, but he felt Beomgyu turn his head towards him, his gaze piercing through his skin and for a moment, he was tempted to just… turn to him and bathe in Beomgyu’s beauty at night. The way his eyes would probably shine under the moonlight and the stars. He figured he couldn’t do that, too afraid to lose himself in them. 

He wasn’t Soobin. He didn’t have his height or both of his dimples or his handsome face. He was just Taehyun, Beomgyu’s ‘special friend’. He shouldn’t think of him as more than just a friend, but oh how much he wanted to. How much he wanted Beomgyu to look at him with care and so much love, to be treated like he was precious and not just as his little brother. 

But if he couldn’t be the person he loved, then Taehyun was more than… happy… to just settle with the person Beomgyu trusted more than anything with his heart. 

For a moment, he felt it- the faint brush of warmth near his hand, like Beomgyu’s fingers had almost reached for his. But Taehyun didn’t move, didn’t dare to reach back for his hand. 

But if he had looked up to Beomgyu that night, in one ridiculous moment, he might have noticed the way he was looking at him, like Taehyun was far more beautiful to look at than the stars above them. 

♡♡♡

It had been a week since Beomgyu had told Taehyun his biggest secret: that he and Soobin were seeing each other. 

That being said, things weren’t going that well for Taehyun. 

He still saw and texted Beomgyu regularly, but every time he looked him in the eyes, he couldn’t shake the feeling that the raging crush he had for the elder was completely destroyed. His gaze would fleet in his direction without even meaning to and his heart would physically ache. 

He kept telling himself it wasn’t the end of the world. That Beomgyu and Soobin were perfect for each other. And every time he caught the two of them sitting close together at lunch, he would convince himself that Soobin was definitely a better choice than him. 

And then he’d go back home, to his stupid dorm, burying his stupid face in his stupid pillow and cry himself to sleep! That had become his routine for the past five days. It was pathetic.

His heart was just so fucking heartbroken, and the only thing that made it even remotely bearable was that Beomgyu hadn’t drifted away from him. If anything, he grew even closer, glancing at him every time Soobin would scoot closer to him or talk in a different tone, as though silently checking he was still there. Taehyun didn’t know why he was doing that, and he was torn between wishing he’d stop, and wishing he’d never look away again. 

He tried to distract himself in the meantime. During the days, especially, where his mind couldn’t stop running and so he would just knock at Hueningkai’s door and let himself be small and fragile in his arms. 

Hueningkai didn’t know anything, obviously, and never questioned it either. He was just more than happy having the opportunity to cuddle with his best friend a little more. 

That was why they were currently at the studio, sitting on the floor with their backs against the wall. The room was quieter than usual, and it was just the two of them. Only the faint echo of music playing somewhere else in the building could be heard. 

Taehyun had a small notebook balanced on his knees, his pen moving lazily across the page. Beside him, Hueningkai was stretched out dramatically, playing absentmindedly with the laces of Taehyun’s shoes. 

“Draw me,” Kai said out of nowhere, at some point. 

Taehyun didn’t look up. “No.” 

“Why not?!” 

“You’d complain about it.” 

“I would not,” Kai insisted. “I promise.”

Taehyun finally looked up, staring at his friend. “You would. You’d say your nose looks weird or your hair’s too flat or I made you look ugly.” 

It wasn’t like Taehyun was an artist or some kind. He really wasn’t! He studied physics, for god’s sake. The only reason he was sitting in a music studio was because Hueningkai needed someone to listen to his new song and give him an honest opinion. He was a producer- well, going to be. That was how he met Yeonjun, because he studied music too. And that was how Yeonjun met Soobin, because he studied physics with Taehyun. And that was also how they all met Beomgyu, because he studied music and already had a friend who studied physics who knew Soobin and well- it’s complicated. 

The point was, Taehyun didn’t draw. It wasn’t a passion or a hobby of his own, but sometimes he would find himself doodling random stuff on his notebook. Just because he wanted to, though Hueningkai always seemed to notice how that suspiciously appeared every time Taehyun’s mind was miles away from his body. 

“That’s… not true! Please, Hyun!” Hueningkai cried, pulling him back to earth. 

Taehyun teared his gaze back to his notebook, doodling a bunch of stars around the corner of the page. “I’m busy.” 

He was busy. Yeah. Busy trying not to think about a certain person with messy chocolate hair and beautiful eyes and a gorgeous smile. Along with that, the words that came out of his mouth as well, the same that kept replying in his brain nonstop for the past few days. 

I’m… kind of seeing Soobin hyung. 

“You’re busy doing what, exactly?” Hueningkai pushed himself up with his elbows, peeking over Taehyun’s notebook and snorting just the moment after. “You’ve been doodling for the past twenty minutes.” 

Taehyun obviously couldn’t deny it, deciding instead to pull his notebook towards himself. “… So?”

Hueningkai just stared at him for half a second before shifting in his position, now lounging in the sofa just near Taehyun, resting his head against his hand. He was smirking, and Taehyun thought it was atrocious.

“C’mon,” he said, flipping a strand of blonde hair behind. “Draw me like one of your french girls!”

Taehyun could not believe his best friend had just quoted Titanic of all movies. He was sure Hueningkai hadn’t seen that movie either, so Taehyun was confused on where he even heard that phrase. Actually, he figured he didn’t want to know at all. 

“You’re ridiculous, do you know that?”

…

He drew him anyway. 

Taehyun was just a simple guy, after all. He wasn’t immune to Hueningkai’s stupid puppy eyes, even if it annoys him to no end because damn it, it worked every single time!

But obviously, he was no artist, so obviously, his best friend was going to complain the moment he peeked over to see his portrait. 

“Why is my nose like that?” his finger was shaking a little bit when he pointed it towards his facial structure. He was being 100% dramatic. “You’re doing it on purpose!”

Taehyun sighed, not looking up from his drawing. His pencil kept refining the lines of Hueningkai’s sharp nose. “Am not! I knew you were gonna complain.”

Of course he knew. Taehyun knew him like the back of his hand, by now. Knew every flaw and quirks of him, and Hueningkai knew his just as well.

“You know who would’ve liked it anyway?” He teased, and that devilish grin unfortunately appeared again. 

“Hm. Who?”

A dramatic pause. Then, “Beomgyu hyung.”

Another pause. Way longer than the first one, more intense and slightly embarrassing. Taehyun felt his own cheeks blushing involuntarily, but desperately tried to hide it. He pretended nonchalant as he answered. 

“... Is that so?”

He heard Hueningkai shifting beside him, probably sitting up properly. “Obviously. He’d say it’s abstract and even praise you.”

Taehyun fought an enormous urge to smile at that. He could perfectly picture Beomgyu saying those exact words, even smiling a bit just not to make Taehyun awkward and embarrassed. He had always been so thoughtful and gentle, especially when it came to his… cute little brother. The urge of smiling died instantly, remembering the conversation they had on the swing. 

“You’re probably right,” he murmured.

Silence settled after that. It was a bit uncomfortable, at least from Taehyun’s side. He wasn’t even looking at Hueningkai anymore. By now, he remembered his face by heart. It wasn’t easy to draw him, but he still committed. 

“You two have been going out a lot.” 

Pause. Taehyun stilled for a bit, his pencil frozen on the line of Hueningkai’s forehead. “Yeah? We’re friends.” 

“You have been stolen.” 

Taehyun’s brows furrowed. “What?”

“Don’t try to deny it!” Hueningkai pointed a finger at him. “It’s always Beomgyu this, Beomgyu that…”

“That’s- that’s ridiculous!”

“It’s the truth!” 

Taehyun couldn’t help but feel himself blushing a little bit. He was sure his ears were turning painfully pink too. He couldn’t even find himself to answer, too scared of what the outcome might have been. What direction was this conversation taking, exactly?

“I’m happy you two are finally friends. It was honestly so painful watching you guys ignoring each other!”

Oh. 

Fucking hell, Hueningkai wasn’t thinking anything else. He wasn’t suspicious, wasn’t going to somehow magically figure out the mess inside his head. Taehyun finally let out the breath he has been holding since the conversation diverted to Beomgyu topic. 

“I’m glad you have another friend other than me…” Hueningkai seemed hesitant now, playing with the strings of his hoodie absentmindedly. “But he cannot be your best friend. You have only one best friend. That’s me- I’m your only best friend.” 

For a second, Taehyun could only stare- then his eyes softened. Sometimes, Hueningkai was just like that, a bit insecure that someone might take his spot. But that was just absurdly impossible.

“I got it, Hyuka. Don’t worry,” he reassured him, giving him a sweet smile before tearing the page out of his notebook and giving it to him. “He won’t steal me away from you.”  

Hueningkai accepted the portrait without any other complaint, smiling warmly at his best friend. After a little bit of talking, he turned to Taehyun apologetically and said he was going to meet with Nicholas for a bit. 

“Nicholas? You threw a tantrum at me five minutes ago because you thought Beomgyu was stealing me away and now you’re going to replace me just like that?” He yelled at him, half joking.

Hueningkai paused at the door, giving him a look. “Nobody will ever replace you, darling!”

Then, with absolutely no shame, he blew him a kiss. And just like that, he was gone. 

Taehyun snorted before finally relaxing against the mirror. 

The studio fell quiet almost immediately. For a while, Taehyun just sat there, his notebook still resting loosely on his lap. The faint echo of music from the other room bled through the walls, muffled and distant. 

His pen tapped against the page, his mind reaching scrambled thoughts. He shouldn’t be thinking about it that much. About… them. It really wasn’t any of his business. 

But. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about how Beomgyu and Soobin had always been close and comfortable with each other, even before starting dating. That kind of closeness that didn’t really need any explaining, making Taehyun wonder if they started dating even before knowing the rest of the group. Had they already been seeing each other before the group formed? 

His thoughts kept wandering and wandering and he had no idea how long he’d been in the studio until his phone buzzed. 

Taehyun frowned, pulling it out of his pocket, already expecting it to be Kai or maybe even Yeonjun. It wasn’t. 

The name ‘gyu hyung’ appeared visible on the display, making Taehyun hesitate. Just for a second, then he answered. 

“Hyung?” 

“Taehyun!” Beomgyu’s voice came through a little breathless, a little rushed. “I need help.”

Taehyun straightened against the mirror of the studio, his notebook slipping past his fingers but he didn’t care. “With what?”

There was a long pause, the only sound being a weird ruffling and some shifting in the background. 

“Emergency. Please come.”

“What kind of emergency?” He asked, already on his feet like a man on a mission. 

“I don’t know what to wear!” Beomgyu exclaimed dramatically. “I literally have no decent clothes right now.”

Taehyun stared ahead of him, unblinking and freezed, expression flattening. “You called me for that?”

“Duh,” Beomgyu replied immediately. “Who else would I call?”

He opened his mouth to argue, to say something, but then stopped, his ears reddening a little bit. His heart swelled with pride, hearing that Beomgyu trusted him and only him with his clothes, because he cared that much. He didn't call Yeonjun, didn’t call Hueningkai. He called him, because he knew he wouldn’t get judged at all.

“What’s the occasion?”

He was a little scared to ask, because he didn’t recall Beomgyu telling him about an important event or a celebration. He waited for the answer patiently while his heart started racing instead.

There was only a short pause on the other end. Was Beomgyu hesitating too?

“I’m meeting Soobin hyung.” 

Oh. 

Something in Taehyun’s chest settled and twisted at the same time, as if an invisible hand had reached in and squeezed. 

Of course.

“... A date?” He tried, his voice sounding abnormally neutral and careful and Taehyun barely even recognized himself. 

Beomgyu didn’t correct him. “Yeah. It’s just dinner, I guess.” 

Taehyun pursued his lips. He didn’t know why Beomgyu kept doing it. They way he kept minimizing everything about Soobin and their relationship like he didn’t want it to be too real. Like he was testing it, like he didn’t quite know what to do with it. It was never our date or my boyfriend or anything definite. It was always I guess. Maybe. Sort of. 

It pained him that Beomgyu was hesitating this much, seeing him confused and overwhelmed every time Soobin was in the conversation. 

A part of him was selfishly glad Beomgyu didn't talk about Soobin like he was his boyfriend, gooning and cheesing over him like they were sickenly in love. The other part, ever rational and caring about Soobin, felt bad about the whole situation. If he had to watch on the sidelines, at least he wanted them to be happy. 

“So… are you coming?” Beomgyu’s voice came out barely above a whisper, like he was scared to ask, even if he was previously eager to make Taehyun come all over the world for him. 

Taehyun looked down at the notebook on the ground, and then at himself in the mirror. He looked tired. Helping Beomgyu pick out his outfit for a date with someone else sounded like the cruelest thing he could willingly do to himself. But this had never been about him anyway. He should lock his feelings inside a cage in his heart and forget it completely, though he knew that wouldn’t be useful. His love for Beomgyu was far too big to fit the cage. 

So he exhaled shakily, hiding, because he didn’t want Beomgyu to hear it.

“I’m coming.”

Taehyun didn’t remember the drive to Beomgyu’s place at all. One moment he was at the studio, scribbling on his notebook, and the next he was standing outside the older’s porch, pressing the doorbell. 

His mind was clouded the entire time, only able to drive automatically because he’d done it so many times he knew the roads like the back of his hands. 

He just couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Beomgyu had chosen him out of everyone to help him with the outfit. It felt wrong and right at the same time, and Taehyun was conflicted with himself. He didn’t know if he should've said no and told him to ask Yeonjun instead. The thought alone to help Beomgyu choose his outfit specifically for his date with Soobin…

“Tyun! Finally,” was the first thing Beomgyu said right after opening the door. “Come in, come in.”

Taehyun didn’t even have the time to greet him properly because Beomgyu had already grabbed his wrist and dragged him across his place, pulling him towards the bedroom. 

“I have nothing to wear!” he complained as he closed the door of his room behind him. “I’m so serious, Taehyun-ah.” 

The room was… pure chaos. It looked like a storm had passed through it multiple times. There were clothes literally everywhere, open drawers, a bunch of hangers on the floor. It made Taehyun swallow hard, deciding that he would also swallow the pain in his chest and doing his job as Beomgyu’s closest friend. If he couldn’t be the one taking him on this date, at least he could be part of it, even if it was about something so trivial as an outfit. 

“You have plenty of clothes,” Taehyun sighed dramatically, before plopping down onto the bed like he’d been there a thousand times before. “Where are you two going, anyway?”

There was an open bag of chips and a can of Sprite right next to him. He grabbed them both without hesitation. 

“It’s nothing fancy, really,” Beomgyu explained in a rush, looking distressed with furrowed brows. “Just dinner at his favourite restaurant, I guess.” 

Taehyun did know what Soobin’s favourite restaurant was. He had told them about it during their first weeks together at university, back when he was still a shy giant bunny and only spoke if someone asked him a direct question. He’d told them that his grandmother used to work there before retiring, and how much he loved having burgers and fries for free and a huge can of coke all to himself. 

It was really nice that Soobin was bringing Beomgyu there, and for a moment, he forgot how much pain was in his heart. He genuinely wanted them to be happy, even if it was at his expense. He didn’t want Beomgyu if that meant losing Soobin’s friendship too. He was content enough with what he had right now, even if he was the one suffering. But he was doing it alone, in the privacy of his own bedroom, where no one- especially the two of them- would ever have to see it. 

“I don’t know if I want to wear what I usually wear…” Beomgyu trailed, desperately searching through another pile of clothes. 

Taehyun scrunched his nose, absentmindedly reaching for a chip. “Why not? You should wear what you want.”

Beomgyu sighed while shrugging, his hands smoothing down a wrinkled white shirt. He didn’t answer, and Taehyun didn’t press, already knowing what he was intending. Soobin had never exactly been the number one fan of his styling choices, so it made sense that he wanted to tone it down a little bit. But the thought of Beomgyu choosing to wear something he wasn’t totally comfortable with made Taehyun swallow down a painful lump. 

“This?” Beomgyu held up a black tshirt, with a cool neon green design on it. Then he brought another shirt to his chest, a simple white button up with little flowers embroidered along the collar. “Or maybe this?”

Taehyun reached for yet another chip. “I’m sure they’d both look good on you, but…”

He made himself comfortable on Beomgyu’s bed, while the older continued spiraling. Taehyun didn’t even bother to ask and lay down on the pillow, one arm tucked beneath his head. He brought the can of Sprite to his lips but then stopped. “Ah, I’m stealing your food, by the way.”

No asking, just informing him. What he definitely didn’t expect though, was that Beomgyu didn’t even look up from his clothes, just shrugging casually before saying, “It’s okay. I left those for you.”

That made Taehyun freeze. For… him? 

“What?”

“The chips and the drink,” Beomgyu said, still digging through clothes, unbothered that Taehyun’s heart just jumped to his throat. “You always steal them anyway.”

Taehyun blinked and looked down, suddenly very interested in the bag of chips. His heart kept pounding violently in his chest and he was sure his ears were bright red. It wasn’t even a grand gesture, something so small and ridiculously ordinary. But it was true, he always stole them because they spent so much time together that everything felt too comfortable. 

He tried to hide a smile behind the can. “Thank you.” 

He hoped Beomgyu wouldn’t notice the way he looked much happier than before. 

Things escalated fast and dangerously after that. 

After merely five minutes of seriousness, Beomgyu had wrapped himself in a ridiculous feather boa and started acting like he was freaking Madonna. 

Every outfit became a performance. He’d close the door of the bathroom as himself and re-emerge completely changed. 

“Hello, sir! Welcome to Hawaii!”

Beomgyu stepped out in a full-on Hawaiian outfit, with bright flowers and colours, sunglasses on like he was about to enjoy a full day on the beach. He even struck a pose and made Taehyun laugh.

“Oh wow, this bigass resort looks incredible! Can I get a martini?” He giggled, leaning back on the pillow, chewing lazily and completely enjoying the view. 

Sometimes, Beomgyu was silly like that. Even weird, someone might dare to say. But Taehyun loved that side too much, especially when they got to be weird together. 

“Why, of course, good sir!” Beomgyu chirped, looking enthusiastic and spinning around like a fool. The sunglasses nearly flew off his face. 

“Very nice shirt,” Taehyun commented, sipping on his drink. “Soobin hyung would be captivated.” 

Beomgyu laughed and pointed a finger towards him. His smile was bright and so so beautiful. “Right! Right?!” He said enthusiastically, but still headed back to the bathroom. 

When the door opened again, there was no sign of Hawaiian Beomgyu. This time, he walked out in a perfectly fitted black suit, buttoned up and looking incredibly serious. His hair had even been pushed back with his fingers. Taehyun had to swallow because fuck, Beomgyu looked absolutely sexy in that suit and that made him almost lose his mind. 

“Hands where I can see them!” He barked, holding an imaginary gun towards Taehyun as he strode slowly across the room with a serious expression, though the little smile on the corners of his mouth betrayed him. 

“You have the right to remain silent,” He continued, narrowing his eyes and climbing onto his own bed confidently. Taehyun flushed an embarrassed shade of red but kept the act on, pretending to be shocked and scared. “Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of biscuits.” 

Taehyun raised an eyebrow, his lips twitching. “B-biscuits?” 

“Yes,” Beomgyu nodded gravely without missing a beat, reaching into the bag of chips and stealing a handful. “Am I swooning you correctly? Is this working?”

Beomgyu was all serious and pretty and for a second Taehyun genuinely considered booking the next flight to Mexico to stay far away from the object of all his desires. 

Yes, it was definitely working. 

“Not at all,” He said instead, and he couldn’t be further away from the truth. “You suck at this.” 

Beomgyu snorted, then broke into a huge grin. “FBI Beomgyu would probably reject you over email.” 

Taehyun shook his head, laughing under his breath. “I feel really sorry for Soobin hyung.” 

Round three was somehow even worse. Beomgyu came out of the bathroom wearing something that didn’t make sense at all- a combination of colours and layers that clashed pretty uglily. It was objectively hideous, but Beomgyu still walked like a runway model towards Taehyun anyway. He even flipped his hair in a chic way and struck yet another ridiculous pose. 

"Avant-garde," he declared, his tone a bit pretentious and high pitched. “You wouldn’t understand.” 

The terrible French accent that followed made Taehyun burst out laughing, almost crying, clutching at his stomach like he was physically hurting him. 

“Why are you laughing, baguette?” 

Taehyun covered his mouth with a hand, his eyes glossing with tears. He didn’t even try to compose himself. “Is that the only french word you know?”

“Oui.” 

Taehyun laughed even more. 

Being with Beomgyu was always fun. No matter what they were doing, he always seemed to know exactly how to make Taehyun laugh until his cheeks hurt. And every time Beomgyu would smile back so happily and his heart would flutter because Taehyun liked them together. He liked the ‘us’ that was slowly growing stronger each day. And suddenly, he forgot the main reason why he had come over at Beomgyu’s place. For a moment, he forgot that Beomgyu would walk out to his apartment in less than an hour to go on a date with Soobin. 

“Okay, seriously now,” Beomgyu giggled, wearing his teddy bear pajamas once again. “This one’s good?”

It was a simple outfit decided during round two and round three. A soft yellow t-shirt with little stars and black shorts. Taehyun could only picture him wearing it for now, and he tried very hard not to linger on the image of Beomgyu's bare knees peeking out from those shorts… 

The socks he chose were also funky and absolutely perfect to complete the outfit, with some jewellery and accessories that tied the whole thing together. It was perfect and unmistakably Beomgyu, he couldn’t wait for him to try it on. 

He disappeared in the bathroom before Taehyun could notice, saying he needed to shower quickly before wearing the final clothes. Apparently, he had forgotten to look at the time, because ten minutes later Beomgyu was rushing quickly in his own bathroom, pacing back and forth while trying not to go insane. He was obviously late. 

Taehyun was just about to finish the last chip in the bag when the door opened- just a crack, and then a hand popped out. 

“Tyun, can you pass me the shirt?”

Taehyun didn’t even hesitate. He reached beside him, grabbed the yellow shirt and placed it directly into Beomgyu’s waiting palm. The hand immediately disappeared with a quick Thank you!

There was some shuffling behind the door, where Beomgyu was busy changing. A few moments later, his hand popped out again. 

“Tyun, can you also pass me the-”

The rings were already pressed into his palm before he could finish talking. Beomgyu’s eye came to the view a moment later, looking at Taehyun suspiciously before retreating into the bathroom once again. Taehyun noticed the faint smile on his face before he closed the door. 

Knowing Beomgyu was as easy as breathing, so that’s why he didn’t even need to be told so and went straight to Beomgyu’s second drawer, taking a silver necklace he always paired with yellow clothes. The door reopened just as Taehyun leaned into the nearby wall, and when Beomgyu stuck his hand out, barely even starting the phrase, the necklace was already on his palm, secured and precise like clockwork. 

This time, the bathroom door swung all the way open. Beomgyu leaned against the frame, fully dressed and so unfairly gorgeous. His eyes were narrowed slightly, and a slow smile was beginning to spread across his face. 

“I didn’t even finish asking.”

Taehyun lifted his gaze, slipping both hands into his pockets in a poor attempt to be cool and casual while his heart started racing uncontrollably at the sight of Beomgyu all dressed up. He even wore a little bit of blush on his cheeks, and his bangs were tucked carefully behind his ears, exposing those thick brows Taehyun had always found ridiculously sexy.

“You were taking too long.”

Beomgyu studied him closely, his head tilted. His smile softened, just a little. “You know me too well.”

Taehyun clenched his fists tight behind his back before mirroring Beomgyu and tilting his own head. “Someone has to.”

Beomgyu held his gaze for a second longer than usual, and Taehyun was suddenly very aware of how close they were, of how easy it would be to just… step forward, of how dangerous it was to keep looking into those luring eyes. He felt like he was going to explode at any passing seconds. 

Then Beomgyu huffed a quiet laugh and disappeared back inside the bathroom. 

But before Taehyun could process any of that, the doorbell rang loudly, echoing through the small apartment. His heart immediately jumped to his throat. It had to be Soobin.

He heard Beomgyu groan loudly on the other side of the door, the shuffling just growing. “He’s so early! Tyun, can you tell him to wait or something?”

What. 

“M-me?” He breathed out, his voice unnaturally small. 

“Please!”

His stomach dropped. That was a terrible idea. The worst idea in the whole wide world. One thing was helping Beomgyu pick his outfit, another thing entirely was greeting his date at the damn door. 

He didn’t want to be perceived as the supportive friend standing politely to the side while sending Beomgyu off on a romantic evening. He especially didn’t want to look like some pathetic lonely cupid whose only purpose was helping other people fall in love. He didn’t want to be fucking cupid. Or well, maybe he would have if the people involved weren’t Beomgyu and Soobin. He could handle seeing Beomgyu on a date as long as he didn’t actually see the date. Like maybe if he ignored reality hard enough he could pretend tonight wasn’t actually real. Maybe all this time he was just helping Beomgyu come up with an outfit for grocery shopping.

But no. Because knocking on Beomgyu’s door, right now, was Choi Soobin. 

“Hyung! Hi,” He smiled at the older, stepping aside just enough to let him enter. 

Taehyun swallowed hard and for a moment his heart squeezed painfully. Soobin was incredibly handsome, wearing a white shirt with a brown tie and those tight jeans that looked illegal on him. His dark hair was neat and styled precisely. Overall, he really looked like a perfect boyfriend. The kind you bring to meet your parents and they just wouldn't stop complimenting his perfect looks. 

“T-taehyun?” Soobin said, uncertain and hesitating, clearly not expecting to see him there. Behind his back, he was poorly hiding a small bouquet of flowers.

He was perfect. Soobin was perfect, in every possible way. 

Right now, though, he was standing stiffly at the door, looking conflicted with himself and chewing on his lips nervously. “I’m here for… uh. I forgot the charger?”

The lie was so obvious that Taehyun almost wanted to laugh at his face. He was kind of cute, pretending to be here for something else. For one selfish moment, Taehyun really wished it were true. That Soobin had really forgotten his stupid charger. 

“Hyung, you’re early!” Beomgyu’s voice finally cut through the awkwardness as he walked towards them, finally properly dressed. Taehyun tried hard not to stare too intently at his exposing knees. 

Soobin cleared his throat and nodded a little too eagerly. “Early. Yes. Sorry… I can come back later if you’re busy.” 

Beomgyu furrowed his brows. “Busy?” 

“Yes, my charger can wait!”

The two of them stared at each other for a few seconds, trying to talk without words all while stealing glances towards Taehyun. A second later, realization washed over Beomgyu’s face before laughing. 

“Oh!” He covered his mouth, then casually rested his hand on Taehyun’s shoulder and gave it a fond squeeze. “Tyun knows.” 

Silence fell for a couple of seconds. Soobin looked conflicted, glancing back and forth between the two of them. Recognition kicked in at some point. 

“He knows knows?” Soobin asked, his mouth doing the pouty thing that made him look absurdly like a confused bunny. 

Beomgyu nodded once, now shyly. “Yes. I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you. Are you mad?”

This had somehow become infinitely worse than he imagined. Taehyun wanted to kill himself. Genuinely. Please, god or whoever was watching him right now, make it quick. Right now would be great. 

“I’m not mad,” Soobin finally answered, but his ears turned red and he looked incredibly embarrassed now. The only presence of Taehyun was doing all that. 

“Sorry,” Taehyun said at some point. “I should probably- yeah. Go.” 

Beomgyu didn’t need his help anymore, so there was no need for Taehyun to stay any longer and ruin their moment. Also, he really didn’t want to be near them anyway. 

He quickly gathered his things and went to the doorstep to put his shoes back on. The apartment had gone strangely quiet. Soobin hadn’t said a single thing. 

“Okay,” Beomgyu muttered a couple of moments later, smiling softly at Taehyun when he was just about to leave. “Thank you for helping me, Tyun.” 

The sight in front of him made him sick to his stomach. Taehyun at the other end of the door, single yet so in love, while looking at the couple inside of the house, as if he was just staring at a married couple who had lived together all this time. Taehyun was powerless and probably so pale. 

They looked right together. He hated that his first thought was how beautiful they were. 

“It was nothing,” He miraculously found himself to shrug, even managing a small smile, though it only reached Beomgyu. He couldn’t bring himself to look Soobin in the eyes. 

His fingers tightened around the strap of his backpack. “Enjoy your date.”

♡♡♡

Things gradually changed after that faithful encounter with Soobin. Beomgyu had immediately reassured Taehyun that Soobin wasn’t upset with him for knowing, but Taehyun felt it in the days after that, how much Soobin had been changing his personality around him and the others.

If before he was careful with his gestures towards Beomgyu, now he was extra careful, even avoiding Beomgyu’s eyes sometimes. His eyes would instead float to Taehyun every time he stood a little too close to Beomgyu, like he wanted to see his reaction. Or maybe he was just embarrassed, Taehyun couldn’t really tell. Neither of them ever brought it up again, and they haven’t even talked to each other alone. It was mostly with the others around or the conversation was never serious.

Another thing that changed was Taehyun’s strange involvement in their relationship. Beomgyu would invite Taehyun over before every date for help, and after that Taehyun would leave just after Soobin arrived. It was incredibly awkward, because it felt like they weren’t friends at all. It was as if Soobin had just become solely Beomgyu’s boyfriend (or whatever they were) and not also Taehyun’s close friend.

Still, their secret was safe with him, and no one seemed to notice anything. Well, except when Hueningkai would occasionally comment on Soobin’s obvious favouritism towards Beomgyu or whenever the two of them happened to arrive together. But it was just that. No teasing or eyebrows wiggling.

And just like that, time passed. Before they realized it, Beomgyu’s birthday had finally arrived, and Taehyun couldn’t be more nervous. Beomgyu had told him a week before that he was in the middle of deciding whether telling Hueningkai and Yeonjun about him and Soobin, to which Taehyun’s heart had dropped in his stomach. He had to force a smile and told him to do what he felt like doing. It wasn’t even as if they were officially together. They still stumbled over labels and neither of them called the other boyfriend, and Taehyun knew for a fact that nothing too.. intimate, had happened. Two months had passed now, but Beomgyu still wasn’t sure what they were, still didn’t know his own feelings.

Was it selfish, for Taehyun, to hope for a chance? Probably yes, and maybe that’s why he decided to lock his feelings for Beomgyu deep inside his heart a long time ago. He had promised himself that his friendship with both of them mattered way more than a silly crush.

Except, unfortunately, it wasn’t just a silly crush. It hadn’t been for a very long time. 

“Is it just us?” Hueningkai asked just before shutting the car’s passenger door. Taehyun had driven them both to Beomgyu’s place.

“Yeah,” Taehyun answered, making its way to the building. By now, he knew the route by heart. “I think he’s celebrating with Jeongin and the others next week.”

Actually, Beomgyu’s birthday had been three days earlier, but he’d gone back to Daegu to spend it with his family. He’d even invited all of them over there, but unfortunately they all needed to study. So instead, he decided to split the celebrations in two; one small party with the group, and another one with his friends from his major. Taehyun had met all of them once, and they were pretty nice. A bit intimidating, if he was honest.

“Thank you, Beomgyu expert,” Hueningkai said with a solemn nod. 

Taehyun snorted and rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

 Soobin and Yeonjun had already arrived by the time they knocked at the door. Yeonjun opened with a polite bow and his mouth full of chips.

“Welcome to Choi Beomgyu’s humble apartment, folks!”

They both giggled as they took off their shoes to put on the familiar pair of guest slippers. Just as Taehyun closed the door behind him, a loud meow caught his attention immediately.

“My baby!” he cooed instinctively. Rui trotted over without hesitation, stretching onto his leg until Taehyun finally scooped her into his arms. He immediately let her rub her cheeks against his neck, purring so loudly it vibrated through his chest. Taehyun scratched gently beneath her chin as always. 

He heard Hueningkai scoff dramatically beside him. “Hyung, why does your cat only love Taehyun?” 

Beomgyu appeared from the kitchen just a moment later, wearing this fuzzy sweater with a huge bear knitted across the front. He looked cozy and so beautiful, and Taehyun had missed him. It had only been three days but he still missed him. 

Hueningkai hugged him tightly first and whispered a quick happy birthday before pouting at Rui- still happily nestled in Taehyun’s arms- again. 

“Sorry, Kai-ah,” Beomgyu laughed at that, then his eyes crinkled into crescents as they landed on Taehyun. “Tyun’s basically her dad now.” 

Taehyun had no reason to blush after that, really. He still obviously did. His ears burned under his longish hair- thank heavens he didn’t cut it- and hoped no one would notice. 

He looked down at Rui instead, gently stroking between her ears. “You heard the man, you’re my baby.” 

It was easy to pretend that was fine. To pretend Beomgyu hadn’t casually acknowledged the fact that Taehyun had been in this apartment so often his cat was now their cat. 

Rui gracefully hopped off his arms a moment later, finally giving Taehyun plenty of time to hug Beomgyu warmly and wished him happy birthday. 

“How are your parents?” Taehyun politely asked, his hands lingering on Beomgyu’s shoulders just a moment too long. He missed the warmth the second he stepped back. 

Beomgyu smiled widely at the question. He immediately launched into a full enthusiastic rumble about his parents and how strange it had felt walking around Daegu after so long. He had a fond smile on his face all along, and Taehyun’s heart did that thing again, where it would flip and turn around over and over just by looking at Beomgyu. 

“They also got me this sweater,” he added as he pointed toward the fuzzy fabric with a huge grin. “I just know it was my dad’s idea.” 

They all laughed at that, knowing full well whom Beomgyu had taken his particular sense of style. 

Right after that, a loud noise came from the kitchen. 

“Ah, shit-” 

Beomgyu immediately erupted in a fit of giggles that made Taehyun and Hueningkai exchange confused looks. “Soobin hyung’s helping me bake my birthday cake.” 

Yeonjun sighed. “Helping is a very generous way to put it.” 

“Yeah…” Beomgyu sighed too, before turning suspiciously towards Taehyun and batting his long eyelashes with innocence. “Tyunnie, you got here just in time!” 

Taehyun didn’t even have the chance to question it that Beomgyu had already tugged him toward the kitchen with his wrist. The touch was far too brief but so warm it made Taehyun’s cheeks a light shade of pink. He liked how much Beomgyu had grown to be so comfortable doing this with Taehyun. How natural and effortless he touched him and teased him and dragged him away. Taehyun realised, in the middle of the moment, that he would probably let Beomgyu drag him to the edge of the world. 

“Hey, guys,” Soobin greeted, looking a bit sheepish as he washed his dirty hands in the sink.

Apparently, the cake they were attempting to make was a lemon one. The kitchen smelled awfully like fresh citrus, so it was unmistakable. The cutting board was yellow and dirty with juice too. 

“Soobin hyung,” Beomgyu said as he approached him, then peering suspiciously into the mixing bowl. “You’re amazing, really. But I’d rather my birthday cake didn’t taste like plastic.”

“Oh…” Soobin looked a bit embarrassed as he glanced back and forth between his secret boyfriend and Taehyun, assuming he might need to step back. “You’re probably right.”

So that’s how the first hour went. Soobin and the others kept hovering around the kitchen, chattering and talking non stop about nothing and everything. The room was filled with warmth, Hueningkai’s dolphin laugh and the smell of lemon, cutted carefully by Beomgyu. He was in charge of that, using his knife skill to cut the pieces and handing them directly over to Taehyun. 

“Taehyun-ah, Taehyun-ah,” he would call him every single time, making Taehyun stop whatever he was doing to take the slice of lemon out of Beomgyu. Their fingers would touch every time, and Taehyun had yet to be accustomed to that. He loved Beomgyu’s hands, a bit cold and definitely messy, but still somehow soft. 

And even if Beomgyu’s calling was background noise, at some point Soobin noticed. 

“If you call Taehyun’s name while giving it to him,” he started, rubbing his chin with a pout on his face. He had the faintest smile on lips too, “does it make it taste sweeter or something? Do you know you can just give it to him?”

“Why do you have so many complaints today?” Beomgyu huffed, but he was smiling too, like he wasn’t really scolding the other at all. “What’s with you, huh?”

“Sorry.” 

Taehyun swallowed hard, forcing out a small giggle to hide the fact that his heart started racing way too fast. His eyes were glued to the cake in front of him, trying to keep his concentration down there and not up to the couple. The fact that Soobin had expressed his opinion almost sounding jealous, made Taehyun feel nauseous. 

Beomgyu, blissfully unaware or simply choosing not to care, only rolled his eyes. “No arguments on my birthday.”

“Your birthday was three days ago,” Yeonjun pointed out from somewhere behind them, the ever helpful.

Beomgyu stuck his tongue out at him. “It still counts!” 

Only then Taehyun finally risked glancing up. Beomgyu was grinning, brightly and so beautiful it looked like it belonged in warmer places. He was holding another lemon between his fingers. Without hesitation, he turned right back to the younger, finding his eyes staring already at him. 

“Taehyun-ah,” He said anyway, using that voice again. That easy certainty in his tone that made Taehyun fall all over again, because of course Taehyun would take the lemon. Of course Taehyun would always be there.

And so he sighed, leaning over automatically. Their fingers brushed yet again. Beomgyu’s ones were cold and sticky with lemon juice. Taehyun didn’t care at all. 

Around them, the evening moved on in that same chaotic rhythm their group always seemed to create. They migrated to the living room after Taehyun had secured the cake into the oven. Yeonjun had immediately launched into a conversation with Soobin over their music choices, with the latter insisting the older was feeling way too rock these days for no reason at all. Hueningkai laughed through the entire debate, nearly knocking over a drink in the meantime. 

They were an unusual group, not fully linked by their major but still found the time for each other, knowing every quirks and flaws and loving them anyway. They were like a family. 

Through all of it, Beomgyu remained at the center, and Taehyun found himself watching him even when he tried hard not to. He couldn’t help it; Beomgyu was magnetic. The way he threw his head back when he laughed too hard on Hueningkai’s jokes, or the way his shoulders started shaking before sound even came out. Taehyun even found himself noticing, right at that moment, that Beomgyu’s left dimple matched his right dimple perfectly.

“Yeonjunnie, remember when you fell your ass on the main stage because someone accidentally played your shower playlist and Toxic by Britney Spears started blasting?” Beomgyu laughed and laughed and laughed and complained whenever someone teased him, but somehow never enough to actually stop laughing.

Yeonjun laughed and pouted at the same time. “I told you that in confidence!”

Taehyun sighed softly at the sight, in content just watching his friends tease and smile at each other. It filled his heart with warmth. 

And Taehyun kept looking through the night. Mostly at Beomgyu, at the way he kept adjusting his rings absentmindedly whenever he was listening more than talking, or at the way the candlelight casted a shadow over his face, making him look like he was a painting in the dark. The edges of his face were softened into something almost unreal and Taehyun just couldn’t look away.

It would’ve been easier, he thought bitterly, if Beomgyu were less lovely. If he were colder and crueler and way less kind and so damn beautiful in every way possible. But Beomgyu was Beomgyu, and Taehyun had been doomed far too long. 

Dinner stretched easily into the night. The music got slower and content, humming in the background while the group of friends got softer at every passing second. 

At some point, Beomgyu ended up sitting cross-legged on the floor, leaning back against the couch, surrounded by his favourite people. Soobin was right beside him, their fingers playing with each other absentmindedly. 

Yeonjun and Hueningkai had completely taken over the sofa, yelling over some stupid card game. Meanwhile, Taehyun sat on the armchair, a bit far from the others, a can of sprite in his hand and an easy smile. 

“Okay!” Beomgyu suddenly said, climbing onto the armrest of the couch like he was about to announce something royally important. 

A collective groan immediately filled the entire room. 

“Nooo,” Yeonjun complained. “Every time you say it like that, it’s bad.” 

“It’s not bad,” Beomgyu argued, crossing his arms around his chest. “It’s just a game!”

“That’s somehow worse,” Soobin muttered, receiving a light punch on his arm. “Ouch!”

“We’re playing birthday trivia,” Beomgyu declared proudly. “Questions about me, obviously, because I’m the main event.” 

Taehyun laughed into his drink as everyone groaned again. Beomgyu existed so unapologetically bright and colorful. He was loud and tender all at the same time. It was one of the reasons why Taehyun liked him so much. And so that’s why he sat through every question, every joke and every single dramatic complaint from the others, and answered the majority of them in his head before anyone else had the chance. 

At some point, Beomgyu grinned devilishly, then turned sharply toward Soobin, who was already looking at him with light in his eyes, the kind one that was impossible not to notice. Taehyun wondered briefly if Hueningkai and Yeonjun had caught on with what was happening right under their noses. 

“Soobin hyung,” he said, moving towards him and placing both hands over Soobin’s eyes. “What color are my eyes?” 

It was a silly question, really. The kind of question designed specifically to freaked you out momentarily before realizing the obvious answer. Taehyun automatically closed his own eyes too, a little far away from the rest, even though he wasn’t the one being tested. He did it anyway. 

For a moment, predictably, Soobin panicked. Just a second, before sighing. “Beomgyu-ah, you’re korean. You have brown eyes.” 

Simple and obvious. Yes, that was true, Beomgyu’s eyes were undeniably brown. But Taehyun’s answer lived somewhere far more dangerous than just brown.

He lowered his gaze to his drink, thumb tightening slightly around the cup. He kept his eyes closed. 

At first glance, Beomgyu’s eyes were dark brown, a shade so deep and warm, like a drop of espresso in the morning. But they were never just that. Because when the light caught them just right, the dark brown softened into something warmer, like polished wood exposed too long under the sun. Almost chestnut, like a pool of amber pearls that Taehyun couldn't get enough of. And if you looked closer, impossibly closer, there were even softer shades hidden there. A warmth that made Taehyun’s heart feel like jelly. 

Other times- because there was an abyss of shades in his eyes and Taehyun loved and analysed all of them- under the sun especially, the edges looked lighter, fading almost. That was Taehyun’s favourite.

“Correct!” Beomgyu announced then, removing his hands from Soobin’s face. Taehyun opened his eyes. 

Yeonjun clapped sarcastically while Hueningkai giggled at his side. “Congratulations, you know colors.”

Soobin looked unbearably pleased with himself despite the complaint, and Beomgyu only rolled his eyes, shoving his shoulder lightly. Taehyun smiled too. What else could he do?

But when Beomgyu turned, laughing so hard after yet another one of Hueningkai’s jokes, his eyes crinkled and his whisker dimples appeared, and the familiar apartment golden lights caught against his irises, making them glow, and Taehyun had to look away for a moment. Before anyone could notice he’d been staring way too intensely. 

“Okay, gift time!” Beomgyu declared all of a sudden, breaking Taehyun out of his spiral.

Everyone immediately shifted, laughter returning as wrapped boxes and gift bags were dragged forward. Hueningkai and Yeonjun went first, sliding a large box across the floor, right in front of the birthday boy. 

“We went halves on this one,” Yeonjun casually explained, scooting over to make space for Beomgyu to sit comfortably. 

While Beomgyu eagerly tore through the wrapping paper, Hueningkai launched into a whole detailed explanation of how they’d chosen the gift. A few moments later, he took out of the box a beautiful pair of sneakers. The exact one Taehyun knew Beomgyu wanted so badly (he’d been actually the one who suggested it to them first) and that costed way too much for one single person to buy alone.

“Oh my god, guys!” Beomgyu was glowing so brightly it made everyone smile. “They're exactly the ones I wanted!” 

Hugs followed soon after Beomgyu tried them on. They were a simple pair of sneakers. Not too fancy, but classy in their own way. He was glad Beomgyu liked them. He also received a quick silent thank you from both Yeonjun and his best friend. Taehyun answered with the smallest nod. 

After that, it was Soobin’s turn. This time, it was a smaller gift, carefully wrapped in a pink box that Beomgyu quickly opened, a huge smile on his face as he looked inside. 

“Soobin hyung…” Beomgyu breathed, his eyes immediately searching the other. Across from him, Soobin seemed to grow redder by the second. “This is beautiful.”

Eventually, Taehyun found out it was a delicate necklace with a white gemstone, so bright it could blind. Soobin carefully adjusted it around Beomgyu’s pretty neck, his finger lingering there for a few more seconds. 

Beomgyu looked down at the pendant, smiled softening, and then looked back at his secret (not so secret, at this point) boyfriend. “Thank you. I really love it.”

Taehyun tried to resist the urge to puke. Not because he hated the moment, but because Soobin was so unbearably smitten it made his stomach hurt. And then Beomgyu did something. He leaned forward and pressed a light, quick kiss against Soobin’s cheek, then smiled at his reaction. He was red like a tomato. 

Taehyun was feeling so sick he had to look away, but he still didn’t miss the way Yeonjun and Hueningkai exchanged confused and amused expressions to each other. Neither of them said a word, but the identical expressions on their faces made it painfully obvious. 

“Now, Taehyunnie!” 

He swallowed. Right. That was his turn. For a second, all he wanted was to flee out of the window and run far, far away from this place. So that he could never have to watch Beomgyu kissing Soobin’s cheek ever again. He immediately grew annoyed at his own thoughts. He was being selfish. And an idiot. And an asshole, probably. Beomgyu deserved to be happy, and so did Soobin. He had no right to resent that. 

With a tired smile, he carefully handed his gift to Beomgyu. 

He wasn’t too nervous about the gift itself. He was certain Beomgyu would love it… it was more about the outcome of what the gift would mean in the other’s eyes.

“It’s not a physics book, is it?” Beomgyu tried to joke, as he slowly unwrapped the gift. 

“Who knows?” Taehyun smiled. 

He liked that Beomgyu was a bit scared of his gift, almost like he was anticipating it more than the others. But maybe it was just in his head. He was standing now, leaning comfortably by the fireplace, his arms crossed to his chest, waiting. 

“It’s not heavy enough to be a physics book, thankfully,” Beomgyu giggled, as another piece of wrapping papers dropped onto the floor. 

Finally, after what felt like an entire era of evolution, only the box remained to be opened. Beomgyu had a smile on his face, but when his fingers lifted the lid of the box, that smile vanished. His bangs slipped inevitably into his eyes as a strangled breath caught in his throat. His mouth was hanging slightly open, fingers visibly trembling as they hovered over the gift inside, like he was almost afraid to touch it. 

The room fell silent. Hueningkai and Yeonjun, right at his side, leaned over to peek inside of the box and made alarmed faces that lasted no more than a couple of seconds. 

Yeonjun coughed awkwardly. “W-woah! That’s… nice.”

“Yeah!” Hueningkai added supportively, stealing glances towards his best friends as if silently asking what the fuck? “This is… wow! And, um, If you don’t like the colour, you can always exchange it. Right, Hyunnie?”

Even Soobin peeked over, leaning against Yeonjun’s legs to see. His brows furrowed in confusion at first, before drifting toward Taehyun. He didn’t say anything. 

There was a long pause after that. Everyone held back their breath, waiting for Beomgyu to react. Everyone except Taehyun, who was simply looking at his hyung with the faintest smile on his lips and so much love in his eyes. 

“What the fuck…” Beomgyu finally whispered, his breath slightly uneven as he carved his fingers through the fabric. He slowly held the scarf- that beautiful yellow scarf with embroidered bees that Beomgyu regretted not buying ages ago- and lifted his head towards Taehyun. His eyes were wide and visibly shining with tears. “…Taehyun.”

And just when Taehyun’s heart couldn’t physically wait anymore and was about to explode in his chest…

“TAEHYUN,” Beomgyu absolutely lost his mind, the volume of his voice almost catastrophic. “YOU GOT ME THE SCARF?”

Before Taehyun could literally say anything, Beomgyu launched himself across the room so violently that Hueningkai nearly fell over! He crashed into Taehyun with so much force to make them almost stumble, if it wasn’t for Taehyun’s arm immediately finding Beomgyu’s waist to steady him. He barely had time to react before Beomgyu was clinging to him with both arms.

“Oh my god!” he shouted directly into his ear. “Oh my god, oh my god, OH MY GOD!”

Taehyun laughed breathlessly, his face buried inevitably into Beomgyu’s hair. “You’re being insane, stop yelling in my ear.”

“Insane?!” Beomgyu pulled back just enough to grab Taehyun by the shoulders and shake him a few times. “Kang Taehyun, are you out of your mind?!”

Somewhere in the room, the faint voice of Hueningkai saying, “Well, that was unexpected,” was heard, but neither of them acknowledged it. 

“Where did you even find it?” Beomgyu demanded, clutching the scarf to his chest like he was afraid someone might steal it. His fingers were softly touching the embroidered bees even without him fully realizing. “It was sold out! I checked. I literally checked, so many times!” 

Suddenly, Taehyun couldn’t breathe properly. His pulse was actively trying to kill him. Beomgyu looked so happy, genuine in a way Taehyun wished he could bottle up and drink it every night till becoming completely drunk. 

He rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly hyperaware and bashful under the intensity of everyone’s attention. Under the intensity of Beomgyu’s eyes, wide and expectant and so full of joy it was almost unbearable. 

“I made it.” 

A quiet silence settled after that, the kind that sucked all the oxygen from the room, leaving Taehyun incapable of thinking, breathing.

Somehow, in the midst of it, he could see Yeonjun’s jaw dropped, and the others too being equally stunned, like saying or doing something was too much in that moment. Beomgyu, meanwhile, just stared at him. 

“You…” His voice was barely there. 

Taehyun looked away, suddenly finding the floor deeply fascinating. “You said you regretted not buying it so I… learned?” 

The next day after that faithful night, Taehyun knew immediately what his birthday gift to his Beomgyu would be. So he bought the yarn and everything he needed. He watched tutorials after tutorials and got frustrated at it when he didn’t understand or when something came out crooked. Sent videos to his mom, asking for her help. He got teased at, sure, but for Beomgyu he would swallow the embarrassment to learn properly how to make the scarf exactly how he liked it. Even hid it in a box under his bed, so that Beomgyu wouldn't be able to find it. And sure, in the end, it didn’t look perfect at all. It was uneven, a bit flawed, and some bees looked like bees only if you squinted an eye or maybe both. 

But Taehyun had poured all his love into it. He wanted to make him something he’d love and cherish forever, something he regretted his whole life not buying it. And now Beomgyu was right in front of him, holding it close to his chest, and looking at him with something Taehyun couldn’t quite decipher. 

“You made this,” he repeated, like his brain genuinely couldn’t process that level of devotion. “The whole thing?”

But Beomgyu, I would knit as many scarves and gloves and sweaters you want if you simply asked me.

So Taehyun nodded, just once, swallowing hard. 

Beomgyu made a sound so wounded it was almost embarrassing, then he threw himself at Taehyun all over again. Harder this time, full force, squeezing the hell out of him, nearly knocking him unconscious. 

“I love it,” Beomgyu muttered, his voice a bit muffled into the crook of Taehyun’s neck. “It’s so perfect. I love it so much, it’s beautiful. It’s the best gift in the world.”

Taehyun almost felt his soul leaving his own body when Beomgyu pressed his lips to his ear, leaving the faintest kiss right where Taehyun was burning. The others didn’t notice at all thanks to the angle, and Taehyun didn’t know what to do or think. He was in such a daze he had to squeeze Beomgyu’s waist to keep himself steady. 

“This is insane,” Beomgyu continued, stepping back just a little, now examining the scarf. His smile never left his lips (the ones that touched Taehyun’s ear!!!) as he looked closely. “It even has the little bees… it’s exactly how I remembered it. Actually, no, it’s even better.”

His voice cracked again. 

“I’m literally going to cry.”

“You are crying,” Yeonjun pointed out, snorting. 

He was. Just a little. Because what the fuck? Who knit a whole damn scarf for your birthday gift? When Beomgyu pulled back, his cheeks were flushed and despite how much he tried blinking the tears away, they stubbornly clung to his long lashes. Taehyun knew exactly what he was hiding behind his eyes the moment Beomgyu looked back at him. 

There was something so soft and tender, almost disbelieving. Like maybe, maybe, Beomgyu was realizing in that moment how much he was heard and just how deeply he was loved. Not only casually or halfway, but fully, completely, entirely and thoroughly. 

And Taehyun, oh poor doomed Taehyun, could only smile back like giving Beomgyu this scarf, his own heart, had always been the easiest thing in the world.

“Thank you, Tyun,” He breathed, his voice carrying a softness Taehyun wasn’t used to. “So, so much.”

Beomgyu regained his whimsical just a moment later, looping the scarf around his neck and spinning around a few times. The scarf fluttered around him as he bounced lightly on his heels just a little, giggling under his breath. He smoothed the fabric down before proudly displaying the tiny embroidered bees to the others. 

“Look at this!” He exclaimed, genuinely offended that Taehyun’s work wasn’t being appreciated enough. “Look at the details. He made this!”

“Yes,” Yeonjun sighed, reaching for his drink on the table. “We were all here, Beom.”

But Beomgyu barely heard him, too busy touching and adjusting the scarf around his neck. Running his fingers over the stitching and straightening it when it didn’t even need straightening. All while wearing the biggest grin on his beautiful face. Taehyun felt his own heart swell with love. 

“I am literally never taking this off!” He declared at some point, clutching the scarf to himself. 

No one noticed, thankfully, the way Taehyun’s breath caught when Beomgyu’s fingertips skimmed so dangerously close to the hidden seam on the inside. Because sewn carefully into the inner edge, tucked where no one would ever notice, was a tiny line of embroidery. Impossibly small, invisible to the world. 

you’re as beautiful as the stars

Taehyun had sewn those words during one reckless, fragile moment at three in the morning. He remembered looking outside of his window, into the void of the night, up until his gaze flew into the sky, toward the beautiful, endless sea of stars above him, and realizing that yes, Beomgyu was far more beautiful than every single one of them. He took his breath away the same way the stars had the first time he’d truly stopped to look at them. His fingers had ached that night, his heart heavier than he wanted to admit.

The message wasn’t meant to be found. Taehyun had never planned on telling him. It was enough just knowing it was there, like a secret sewn into something meant to keep Beomgyu warm.

“No, seriously,” Beomgyu insisted so suddenly, snapping Taehyun back to reality. “I’m being buried in this.”

“Jesus Christ,” Yeonjun muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

The room dissolved into laughter again, and after that the night carried on. Smiles returned in each of their faces as they played games and drank every drink Beomgyu had in his fridge. It was nice and so incredibly them. Five hearts knowing each other so well, not needing too much, just the presence of the others around them. Maybe that was why Beomgyu insisted on celebrating his birthday like this. No strangers, no obligations. Just them. 

In the days that followed, Taehyun started noticing it in fragments. At first, they were small enough to dismiss, like Beomgyu wearing the scarf on a random Tuesday morning despite the weather being mild enough to not require it. 

“You know it’s not that cold, right?” Hueningkai had pointed out over lunch, eyeing him suspiciously. 

To which Beomgyu just shrugged, reaching up to adjust the soft yellow fabric around his neck like it was almost automatic. 

Or another afternoon, when he showed up yet again in the scar, despite wearing an entirely clashing outfit. The others often teased him, saying he was being ridiculous. The scarf had probably become his most overused piece of clothing. And Taehyun, always seated across from him- never too close- kept his gaze lowered, quietly hiding warmth creeping up his cheeks. 

It was the way he wore it that made Taehyun’s heart always skip a beat. Like the scarf belonged there, to him; he liked the feeling of it, his fingers always unconsciously brushing over the embroidered bees, tracing the stitching whenever he was nervous, distracted, or simply sitting still. It was like a habit.

And what affected Taehyun the most, through it all, was how often Beomgyu seemed so happy while wearing it. Showing it off to everyone in his class, even passing strangers, and always carrying a fond smile on his face. 

And so every time Beomgyu smiled, every time his fingers grazed that exact spot unknowingly, Taehyun’s chest tightened. Because somehow, without realizing it, Beomgyu was also carrying Taehyun’s heart around his neck. Carrying his love, safely tucked into the scarf he made just for him. 

But obviously, obviously, nothing ever stayed that simple. 

It all happened on a beautiful Sunday. The weather was perfect, clear blue sky with not a single cloud in sight, sunlight pouring warmly over the paintball field while a cool breeze blew over to make everything feel lighter. 

It should’ve felt peaceful, and for a little while, it was. But somehow in between those moments, Taehyun had the distinct feeling the universe was trying to set him up. 

The five of them had agreed to spend the afternoon at an outdoor paintball field, surrounded by barriers and wooden obstacles. It wasn’t exactly Taehyun’s idea of fun, but both Beomgyu and Yeonjun had insisted on this. 

Beomgyu, (not so) surprisingly, showed up wearing the scarf again. The yellow fabric was wrapped around his neck when he arrived, despite the weather being warm enough for it being useless. The four of them complained immediately after seeing him, and only after Taehyun told him he was risking ruining it, only then did Beomgyu sighed dramatically and folded it with care, tucking it securely into his bag. 

“You’re right, Hyunnie. I won’t risk paint stains,” He said, nodding his head. Taehyun had to physically stop himself from thinking too hard about how naturally the words you’re right had fallen from his lips. 

Not long afterward, teams were assigned. There were other people on the field, but the five of them insisted on playing together anyway, immediately beginning to argue over who got stuck with whom.

“I’ll go with Taehyun,” Soobin said immediately, looking calm with a sweet dimpled smile on his face. 

Taehyun blinked, realizing he was talking to him, and not to another random Taehyun. They still hadn’t talked alone or hanging out since Soobin had found out Taehyun knew. He guessed it was because he was too awkward about it, not wanting to make his younger friend uncomfortable or such. Taehyun hated it and he missed the Soobin who would sling an arm over his shoulder and called him the cutest, or just being clingy. He missed their friendship, so he was glad Soobin chose him, even if this was for something as silly as paintball. Still, the nervous feeling didn’t leave his body after walking towards the other. 

Beomgyu looked at them almost offended, before immediately linking arms with Hueningkai instead, declaring the second team. Yeonjun, by some combination of bad luck and everyone else’s refusal, had been left on his own. Which, honestly, seemed less like a disadvantage and more like a threat to everyone involved.

“I see how it is,” he muttered. 

He wasn’t that smart like Taehyun or strong like Hueningkai, but he knew damn well how to cheat in the most stupidest ways. 

At some point they were all wearing white vests and masks that slightly fogged when they breathed too heavily. The rules were simple enough; get hit by paint and you’re out. When the whistle blew, the game began in the most chaotic way possible. 

Team Taebin immediately darted between cover, hiding somewhere behind the barriers while team Beomkai was obviously targeting Yeonjun first. Burst of color suddenly splattered against the field, and every few seconds someone would shout and run or collapse. 

Taehyun was quite efficient, using paint only when absolutely certain he was going to hit the others; Soobin just followed him. Beomgyu and Hueningkai were both chaotic, turning a funny game into a literal battle. Yeonjun, god bless his poor soul, was running away for his life. 

Overall, it was funny, an entertainment activity with the people Taehyun loves so much. Pure adrenaline, he would say. But maybe that was why they needed to recharge for a bit. 

“Let’s hide somewhere,” Soobin suggested, tapping the other lightly on the shoulder. Taehyun gladly nodded.

The field itself wasn’t that big, but they eventually found a spot where they could hide for a bit. They didn’t hear Hueningkai yelling for quite some time, so maybe they all needed five minutes to catch their breath. Also, Taehyun was sure Beomgyu had finally run out of paint. 

“Jesus, Kai is insane,” Taehyun mumbled to himself the moment they hit their back on the wooden barrier. He looked down at his (not anymore) white vest, now covered in purple and green paint. “I swear I’m gonna hunt him down until he’s entirely blue.”

Soobin laughed weakly at his side, surprisingly staying quiet after that. His vest looked like a mess, with literally all the colour stains. His tall ass wasn’t helping at all and it made him an easy target. Somewhere in the middle of the battle, Yeonjun had managed to hit him squarely all over his butt with red paint, and they all collectively laughed at that. Green from Beomgyu were splashed over his chest and long legs too. 

Taehyun had been especially cautious not trying to see them together, although that was quite impossible since Soobin was his teammate. Still, he didn’t necessarily think of them as a couple. They were both his best friends, before everything.

“So uhm,” Soobin started a few moments later. He didn’t look breathless at all. He was leaning on the barrier with this calm aura around him that made Taehyun feel slightly uneasy for some reason. 

“The scarf was a pretty nice gift,” He finally said. 

Confusion was written all over Taehyun’s face as he raised an eyebrow at him. “What?”

“The yellow scarf,” Soobin clarified, looking way too casual to be starting this kind of conversation in the middle of a paintball war. “It was really nice of you to knit the whole thing.”

Oh. Right. Taehyun should’ve expected someone to bring it up eventually. It’s not everyday someone knits a whole damn scarf for just a friend’s birthday. Hopefully, Soobin wouldn’t see past that and wouldn’t think about it in a deep meaning. 

“Oh… yeah,” Taehyun swallowed anyway, because he was never too sure about Soobin. “Thanks. It was nothing.”

A smile appeared immediately on the older face. “Well, c’mon, it was not nothing. You even did the little bees and everything. Beomgyu was really happy.”

Taehyun remembered exactly the way Beomgyu had stared down at the gift for a whole minute before crashing onto his arms, hugging him tightly and kissing his ear where nobody else could see.

It’s the best gift in the world. 

He had been undeniably happy. But he also remembered that night at the park near Beomgyu’s house, where he’d told Taehyun how much he regretted something so apparently silly but so meaningful to him. Beomgyu wore his heart on his sleeves, no wonder he was feeling that way towards a scarf he even claimed to be ugly yet so perfect.

“He told me he regretted not buying it,” He shrugged, looking down at the grass beneath his feet. “I just don’t want him to have any regrets.” 

Was it really so wrong of him wishing nothing bad would happen to the person he loved and cherished? He guessed maybe it was, considering it wasn’t his place at all. Beomgyu already has a whole damn boyfriend who is taking great care of him. Taehyun was just in the way.

“Hm. He never told me the story behind the scarf,” Soobin muttered under his breath. At some point, they both removed their masks to breathe properly, so now Taehyun could see the conflict in Soobin’s eyes. He was unnervingly calm but there was definitely something underneath that Taehyun couldn’t quite place, especially when Soobin smiled just a moment later. 

“You’re good to him.”

Pause. 

“What?”

Soobin stared at him for what felt like an eternity before repeating. “I’m saying, you’re really good to him, Taehyun-ah.”

Taehyun looked at him through his lashes, confused and astonished. What exactly was he implying with that? What did Soobin mean? 

“Hyung, what are you talking about?” His voice came out slightly breathless, like he didn’t quite know what tone he should be using for this kind of conversation. “Beomgyu hyung is my friend.”

He was his friend. No matter how many times Taehyun wished he was something else, Beomgyu was still his friend, one of his dearest and closest. 

“I… know.”

The hesitation in his voice felt clear and a pang to Taehyun’s stomach. 

“You don’t sound like you know, though,” Taehyun encountered, fidgeting with his fingers. He didn’t want to sound nervous, but he didn’t know which conversation they were leading into. “Is this about me knowing about you guys? Does it bother you?”

Honestly, that could be the only explanation to why Soobin had been acting like that towards him these past few weeks. Like Taehyun had somehow become someone he needed to tiptoe around. It was like talking to another Soobin entirely, and Taehyun hated it. Suddenly, he wished Beomgyu had never told him.

“Wait, no-”

“I haven’t told anyone, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Taehyun quickly cut him off. “I swear, not even Kai, and you know I can’t keep anything from Kai.”

“Taehyun, it’s not about that.”

“Then what? I don’t understand. Please, just tell me.”

For the first time since they started talking, Soobin had a different expression on his face, like he didn’t quite sure know how to properly say this, so he kept staring at the younger, his dark eyes boring into his skin, and somewhere along the lines there was a clear question that hit Taehyun with full force. Really? Don’t you get it? 

He also shockingly realizes there was pity in those same eyes and yes, Taehyun did get it. Because Taehyun was smart and observant and he knew things most people struggle to find out. Perhaps, he’d known all along, since the moment Soobin insisted on being his teammate for this stupid game, or maybe even earlier, when Beomgyu had thrown himself into Taehyun’s arms that night at his place, and Taehyun had looked up just in time to catch the confusion on Soobin’s face. 

Soobin was smart and observant, too, and Taehyun should’ve known. 

“You know.”

Soobin sighed deeply. “Taehyun.”

“You know.”

A strange disappointment settled heavily in his chest. Soobin had known, but for how long? He didn’t understand why. Why hide it from him? Was he trying to spare him or something? Why do this to him? But then, Taehyun slowly realized, why would Soobin even care about him anymore? Taehyun was the shitty friend here, liking someone else's boyfriend. 

“It’s…” he searched for the right words before lowering his gaze. “Hard not to notice.” 

“Oh my god,” Taehyun muttered, closing his eyes, shutting down everything. Heat rushed quickly to his face. He felt horrible. He felt like someone had just crushed him down. “You knew this whole time. Is that why you’ve been avoiding me? Because I made things uncomfortable? For you… and for Beomgyu hyung?”

That would make sense. Taehyun felt even more awful, thinking about the possibility of overwhelming not only Soobin, but also Beomgyu. He couldn’t hide the immensity of his feelings and that ruined everything. How could he fail this badly?

But Soobin, apparently, had other reasons. “No! Please, Taehyun, lower your voice,” he glanced around for a couple of moments, making sure no one was listening to them, “I was just… scared to approach you alone, I guess. We like the same guy, so-”

Taehyun felt sick to his stomach. He couldn’t help his eyes getting stupidly glossy either. 

“I’m so sorry, hyung,” He muttered, his hands shaking violently. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I tried to get rid of my feelings, I really did try for both of you. I just couldn’t, they always come back. I’m so sorry.” 

Oh how much he tried. How many times he stared at the ceiling of his room and begged his own heart to just let him go. Wishing his love for Beomgyu would simply disappear. But no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t do this to himself, not when loving Beomgyu was the best thing ever happened in his whole life. Taehyun, sometimes, blamed the timing, diving into a realm of what if that haunted his every dream. What if Taehyun had met him long before this? Would anything have been different?

“Don’t cry!” Soobin whispered, a pout on his bunny mouth as he approached the other. A gentle hand immediately found Taehyun’s shoulder. “It’s okay, it’s fine. I’m not mad.”

Taehyun sniffed once. “You should hate me right now. What kind of friend am I?”

His eyes were wide and filled with tears, his posture straight and unnatural, looking ahead of him, staring at Soobin with a hollow void in his chest. He didn't want this. He didn't want to ruin their precious friendship. 

“You can’t decide who you get feelings for, okay? It just happens. I’m not mad at you, Taehyun.”

Soobin was sweet. The sweetest person Taehyun had ever met, actually. Hearing this from him, with the way he was saying like he truly meant it, made Taehyun feel a little hopeful that their friendship wouldn’t be completely ruined. He had only that; hope.

“I’m so sorry for being horrible, Soobin hyung,” He swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the uncomfortable lump in his throat. “I won’t do anything, I promise. If there’s something you want me to do, just tell me.”

He was willing to do whatever it took to make Soobin comfortable around him again. To save what was left of their friendship.

“Taehyun, I want nothing,” He sighed, holding both of his shoulders now, squeezing them firmly just once. He was wearing a gentle, miserable smile on his face that made Taehyun’s heart ache. 

“But please, don’t ever leave Beomgyu’s side, okay?” He continued quietly, his eyes softening. “He needs you in his life more than anything.” 

Taehyun stared at him. What does that even mean? The words hit somewhere deep and vaguely uncomfortable, knocking the air from his lungs. His brain scrambled uselessly trying to piece together the weird weight behind Soobin’s voice, behind the way he kept looking at him like he knew something Taehyun didn’t. 

“But-”

“Taehyun-ah, it’s okay,” Soobin interrupted with a small laugh, shaking his head just a little. Whatever the hell was happening, Taehyun was confused as hell. “Besides, me and Beomgyu aren’t-”

“BOO!” 

A body collided violently into both of them out of absolutely nowhere. Soobin let out a loud shriek as a weight crashed onto his back, nearly sending the tall guy face-first into the mud. The next moment, bright green paint exploded across their vests. 

After that, a laugh. Loud and breathless, that could belong only to one person. Beomgyu. Obviously. 

“Gotcha!” He shouted, laughing so hard he nearly fell over himself. Hueningkai appeared behind him a couple of seconds later, pointing at both of them with his paintball gun, a cheeky smile on his face (well, Taehyun couldn’t really see it, but he knew it was 100% there).

“You little shit,” Soobin sighed, smiling brightly as he tried wiping paint off his shoulder. 

In the midst of it, Taehyun was quiet. He didn’t know how Soobin could act so normal when just seconds before he was saying weird things to him. Pretending Taehyun didn't have a whole crush on the same guy he was dating. As if the conversation they’d shared had never happened.

“You guys suck at his game!” Beomgyu exclaimed, pulling his mask halfway up, grinning so brightly Taehyun felt his heart inevitably race. His cheeks were flushed from running around, and his chestnut hair was messy and sticking against his forehead. He looked beautiful and unfairly alive under the sunlight. 

But when his eyes landed fully on Taehyun’s figure, his grin faltered. 

“Tyun?” 

He hated, Taehyun realized in that moment, how sweet and gentle his name sounded from Beomgyu's mouth. It made him think he was some kind of special thing to protect and love, someone worth worrying about this much, and not just a close friend.

Taehyun immediately looked away. He couldn’t bring himself to meet his eyes, especially not after his conversation with Soobin. The terrifying possibilities of Beomgyu knowing about his feelings and never saying anything made him suddenly nauseous.

“Wait,” Beomgyu suddenly said, concern filling his tone. “Did the paint get in your eyes?”

“No.”

Beomgyu blinked, a bit taken aback from Taehyun’s quick answer. A strange tension settled uncomfortably between them, tangible enough that even Hueningkai stopped laughing, looking back and forth trying to understand.

“Are you okay?” Beomgyu asked again, quieter this time. From the corner of his eye, Taehyun could see him walking carefully towards him. And even though Taehyun still wouldn’t look at him, Beomgyu must’ve seen his glossy eyes, too. 

Before Taehyun could force out a stupid answer, most probably a lie, Soobin suddenly slung an arm around his shoulder.

“He’s just upset because he lost,” he said easily, smiling so naturally it almost erased the entire tension. Taehyun really didn’t understand how he was just okay with everything that happened between them. For one dizzy second, it made Taehyun wonder if he’d hallucinated their entire conversation. 

Taehyun managed a weak nod, just enough to ease the tension. The last thing he wanted was to ruin the mood. Still, he wouldn’t pretend to be fine either. 

Soobin squeezed his shoulder once, almost reassuringly, carrying a simple I’ve got you in between the lines, even if Taehyun wasn’t sure he believed it. He then looked toward the field.

“How about,” he started, grinning mischievously, “we stop fighting each other and gang up on Yeonjun hyung instead?” 

Hueningkai’s eyes immediately lit up and Beomgyu let out a giggle. Taehyun watched the mood shift behind his eyes, watched Beomgyu bounce back at the thought of collectively terrorizing Yeonjun. He felt his shoulders relaxed a little at that. 

For a moment, Taehyun let himself believe he didn’t completely ruin everything. What he didn’t notice, however, was the way Beomgyu kept glancing at him as they started walking across the field. The faint crease between his thick brows, the lingering concern in his eyes, or how his laughter quieted whenever Taehyun looked away first.

♡♡♡

Merely two weeks had passed since that moment at the paintball field. Two weeks since Taehyun stopped being able to look Soobin properly in the eye. The mere thought of him knowing about his true feelings made Taehyun so sick to his stomach that he didn’t know how he was supposed to act half the time they were together.

Soobin behaved normally as always. Calm and collected, laughing at Beomgyu’s jokes and smiling at Taehyun like he didn’t shatter his entire world with a few soft words beside an inflatable paintball barrier.

The thing was, Taehyun hated the situation they were currently in. He hated the uncertainty most of all. He still hasn’t talked to Soobin privately since then, and the silence gnawed at him constantly. Soobin had reassured him, told him he wasn’t angry, that Taehyun couldn’t control who he fell in love with, that everything was okay, but Taehyun just couldn’t stop wondering if there had been disappointment hidden beneath all that softness. If Soobin had gone home that night and thought about it differently; if he regretted being kind to him.

The possibility that Beomgyu might know also devastated him, making his chest tighten painfully. Because if he did know and simply chose not to mention it, that somehow was even worse than anything else. Maybe Beomgyu was uncomfortable knowing one of his closest friends had feelings for him. Maybe he had no idea how to reject him gently without destroying their friendship. Maybe he was just pitying Taehyun. Or maybe-

Taehyun dug his nails into his palms to ground himself while letting out a soft groan. He was going insane. 

The library around him remained peacefully quiet, entirely disconnected from the chaos inside his head. Open textbooks were scattered across the table in front of him, but he hadn’t absorbed a single sentence in nearly forty minutes. He had told Hueningkai he’d study alone, but studying was really the last thing he was doing.

Taehyun dropped his forehead into his palm and sighed. God, he would give anything for a reset button. Just for a moment, to disconnect his brain and start over. Maybe then he could finally get over Beomgyu if he could forget all of this, and then go back to being just his friend without constantly feeling like his heart was squeezing in his ribcage. Unfortunately, that was exactly the problem. There was no universe or case in which Taehyun wouldn’t fall for Beomgyu. If he’d lose his memory right now, he was certain he’d fall in love with him again somehow. 

“Hi. Excuse me?”

A gentle and feminine voice pulled him away from his thoughts. Taehyun raised his head, a bit startled because she hadn’t exactly whispered. 

“Yes?” Taehyun managed, totally giving up any last attempt at studying. He was done with it, there was no need to pretend furthermore.

“You’re Taehyun, right?”

The girl standing in front of him was undeniably pretty. Her big eyes seemed to bore into Taehyun’s skin like an x-ray. It was kind of unsettling, the way she was staring and blinking at him, waiting for him to answer. Still pretty, of course. Pretty on Taehyun’s personal bisexual scale from one to Beomgyu.

“That would be me, yes,” he made sure to whisper. He certainly didn’t want to get kicked out of the library, especially since the librarian lady seemed to be really fond of him, for some reason.

“Oh, great! I’m Yuna,” she said enthusiastically, making it seem like she’d been looking for him everywhere. 

Anyway, knowing her name didn’t ring any bells in his mind. He had no idea who she was and why he was being approached this loudly in the library. 

“Okay,” he smiled politely. “Nice to meet you, Yuna.”

Taehyun wouldn’t consider himself a pathological loser when it came to talking to girls. But still, her huge eyes were kind of freaking him out. Was this what people experienced whenever they told him his eyes were too big and shiny?

“Sorry if this is a weird question…” Yuna smiled back at him, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her fingers were visibly shaking. A horrible thought made its way in Taehyun’s mind. Was he really just about to be confessed to? 

“Is it true you knitted a scarf?”

“...Huh?”

That was… not what Taehyun had expected. Not even remotely. He froze immediately like a fool, staring blankly at her like she had suddenly grown two heads, wondering if he’d somehow misheard her. Recognition only kicked in when she raised a single brow in confusion.

“Oh. Yeah, it’s true,” Taehyun swallowed hard. “Who told you that?”

What a dumb question.

Yuna smiled brightly before answering, “Beomgyu! He told everyone you made it.”

Taehyun’s stomach dropped. Suddenly, he felt the very strong urge to throw up that delicious meat he’d eaten two days ago. Of course Beomgyu had told everyone. Taehyun could perfectly picture him, with his wide smile and proud tone, showing everyone the little bees Taehyun had spent so much time carving for him. It didn’t help that Beomgyu literally wore that scarf seven days a week. 

When she realized she wouldn't get an answer, Yuna took a tentative step forward. “So, like, do you take commissions? Because I really want to give this girl one of your scarves. I think it would look so pretty around-”

“Wait wait wait,” he promptly cut her off, and now he was the one yelling and unfortunately getting the attention of everyone around them, including the nice lady behind the counter. Shit. Was he about to lose his library privilege because of this? “What are you talking about? I don't take commissions. I don’t even knit.”

Yuna looked so confused, pointing vaguely at her own neck like she was directly pointing at Beomgyu’s yellow scarf. “But you made that scarf…”

Unfortunately, Taehyun felt himself blushing against his will. “It was just a birthday gift.” 

The confusion on her face disappeared all at once, now replaced with something Taehyun couldn’t quite decipher. “Just a birthday gift?”

She was saying it like it was a really big deal, like Taehyun was dumb to even think it was just that. Of course, he knew himself that knitting a whole scarf was a really nice thing to give someone, but he wouldn’t arrive to think it was like a devotion kind of gift… Right?

“Yeah?” he answered dumbly. 

Yuna’s face fell, now being all awkward. “Oh. You’re serious.”

Taehyun’s brows furrowed. “I’m sorry, is there a problem?”

“Oh my god, absolutely not!” she waved her hands helplessly, suddenly nervous to come off as rude or anything else, especially because that was definitely not the case. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just, very nice of you. I didn’t know you guys were dating.”

Pause. 

It was freaking embarrassing how fast Taehyun’s face turned a deep, deep shade of red. 

“We- what?!” he stuttered, now glancing around because what if someone had heard them? What if Beomgyu was hiding somewhere or happened to walk past at the wrong time, catching his red ass face?! “We’re just friends.” 

Yuna fell awfully silent for a couple of moments that made Taehyun’s heart start racing erratically in his ribcage. Seriously, was this girl actively trying to kill him or something?

Then, after what felt like an eternity, her eyes softened just around the edges (Taehyun had no idea why she was making that face). “I’m sorry, Taehyun. I guess we all collectively thought you guys were-”

Before she could finish her sentence, an unmistakable scent invaded Taehyun’s space at full force, making him fully frozen in his spot. 

“Hey!”

Yuna’s alarmed face quickly passed between Taehyun and the new person. “Beomgyu!”

Fucking Choi Beomgyu was standing right at Taehyun’s side now. Suspiciously close, too, looking straight ahead of him while Taehyun didn’t absolutely dare to look up to him or he was 100% certain his body would implode from embarrassment. Because what the hell was he doing here? Was he spying on him? 

Okay, stop, that was just a ridiculous and delusional thought. 

“Hi, Yuna,” Beomgyu said politely, his voice was intentionally softer for some reason. “Sorry for interrupting you guys.”

Taehyun gulped. There was nothing to interrupt, he desperately wanted to say. Somehow, the mere possibility of Beomgyu thinking he was interested in someone else made him sick to his stomach. Not that Beomgyu could possibly know how ridiculous that was, how could he even know about his raging love for him? That is, if Soobin hadn’t said anything.

“I- uhm. It’s fine, I was just asking Taehyun a question,” Yuna replied, a small smile on her face. Taehyun mentally thanked her because there was no way in hell he’d survive Beomgyu hearing about people thinking they were dating. 

“Hm?” Beomgyu finally looked toward him. “Tyun?”

Hearing that nickname made Taehyun snap out of his daze. His head quickly turned to him, but he had no idea what to say. Beomgyu was staring curiously at him, his wide brown eyes glowing beneath those long lashes of his. Should he tell the truth? 

Probably sensing Taehyun’s turmoil, Yuna cleared her throat, drawing attention to her again. “I really have to go now. Sorry for bothering you, Taehyun… bye, Beomgyu.” 

Taehyun owed her big time. She bowed at them politely and glanced at Taehyun just once before turning away. He followed her figure until she disappeared behind a bookshelf. 

He was glad she hadn’t said anything, otherwise it would have been weird and probably uncomfortable for Taehyun, but worse for Beomgyu, especially because he had a very real (albeit very secret) boyfriend at home. Still, a small part of Taehyun couldn’t help feeling a little giddy that people who didn’t know them had looked at them and thought they were a thing. Selfishly as it sounded. 

“So?” 

Beomgyu’s voice echoed loudly through his mind as Taehyun snapped his head towards him. Oh, right. He forgot he was still waiting for an answer. 

“So what?” Playing dumb was safe, he decided. There was no reason to panic. 

Beomgyu raised a single brow, his eyes lazily turning to the bookshelf where Yuna had disappeared, then quickly turned back to the younger. “What did she want from you?”

Sometimes, Taehyun loved how Beomgyu never gave up once he was curious about something. This was decidedly not one of those times.

“Nothing important,” He replied, scratching the back of his neck and looking down at his notebook, pretending to read along the lines. 

He felt Beomgyu sitting just beside him, fully turned to him. Taehyun fought the desperate urge to tilt his head and made his eyes flee towards the other’s direction. 

“You sure? Seemed pretty important to me,” He remarked, resting his elbow on the table and propping his chin in his palm. “Your ears are pink.”

Taehyun instantly brought a hand to his ears, smoothing his hair to cover them a little bit. It was astonishing the way Beomgyu always seemed to notice the smallest details about him, even if Taehyun himself didn’t want him to notice.

“Stop looking at me,” he tried weakly, his eyes still lingering on the words ahead of him but not registering any of them. “She just asked me something about her course.”

Lying was much easier when his head hung low. He couldn’t have done it while looking into those eyes. A new silence settled between the two of them. And if Taehyun would’ve turned his head toward the other just a little, he would’ve seen the way Beomgyu’s eyebrows furrowed while his mouth formed that tiny, unconscious pout he made whenever something bothered him. 

But Taehyun didn’t turn- didn’t dare to. He was too afraid to look at his face because knew he couldn’t keep anything from him. They were friends, special friends (as Beomgyu had once called them that time in the park), so it was easy for Beomgyu to decipher him like an open book. But for Taehyun, the older was still like a beautiful enigma to solve. No matter how observant he was, nothing seemed to pass those dark pairs of eyes. He could spend an entire lifetime trying to solve them and still never quite understand. Taehyun loved them. 

“Here,” Beomgyu suddenly said, pushing a drink towards his direction. 

For the first time, Taehyun glanced up at him, confused, just for a fleeting moment before his eyes dropped to the cold cup placed near his notebook. “What’s this?”

Beomgyu’s lips curved into a faint smile. “Your favourite. Caramel macchiato. Thought you needed it.”

“You didn’t have to… but thank you,” Taehyun’s cheeks warmed anyway, because his hyung loved to do those little things. Especially for him. Buying him his favourite drinks or snacks, carrying an extra pair of gloves because ‘you run cold so easily, Tyun! You always turn into a popsicle!’, or knowing every little layer and detail of not only his schedule, but of his whole life too. 

He carefully wrapped his hands around the cup and immediately took a sip. The caramel macchiato was beyond perfect, and very much needed right now. When did Beomgyu learn him this well? When did Taehyun allow him to do that?

A thought seemed to cloud his mind right then, and he glanced back at the other man with furrowed brows. “What are you doing here, by the way? Aren’t we supposed to see each other tonight?”

Beomgyu had texted him earlier that morning, asking if they could watch a movie together in the evening. Apparently, he claimed he missed eating Taehyun’s cooking (to which he had profusely blushed during his morning lecture).

“We are,” he shrugged casually and nodded just once. 

At that, Taehyun narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “You sure you’re not bailing on me?”

Beomgyu broke into a huge smile. His whisker dimples were visible and so pretty. Everything about Beomgyu was pretty. 

“Taehyunnie~ I could never,” he replied, giggling softly and leaning back into his chair. “I’m here because I missed you!” 

Taehyun stared at him flatly. “Yeah, right.” 

He pretended to be annoyed because it was either that or let Beomgyu see the stupid lovesick expression threatening to take over his face.

“Yah,” He shoved him lightly, talking with his cute pout. “Can’t I even miss you now?” 

For a moment, neither of them spoke a single word. Beomgyu kept staring at him cutely through his long lashes, a tiny smile on his lips as though there was nothing strange about saying I missed you and looking at Taehyun like that. Taehyun felt his heart racing, because he had no idea what reaction he was supposed to have. Of course Beomgyu could miss him, he was his friend. Taehyun was allowed to miss him too.

But honestly, that was a bit unfair, because if Taehyun were truly allowed to freely miss him as much as he wanted, he would never leave his side again. 

At some point, Beomgyu sighed deeply and stood up. “Anyways. I should go now. Soobin hyung is waiting for me. We're going to bake something- I still don’t know what, though. I’m just hoping he won’t poison me or blow up the entire kitchen,” a loud noise of complaints escaped his nose as he flared his arms helplessly. “He can’t bake for shit, I don’t know why he keeps insisting he’s good at it!” 

Taehyun should’ve been annoyed at the mention of Soobin, but he found that he couldn’t have it in him to be annoyed by that, especially when he was so fond of Soobin like that. He smiled happily, giggling even. 

“Yeah. Soobin hyung is really really bad at it.” 

He remembered clearly that one time when Soobin had all of them trying his homemade cookies and good gracious lord how fucking awful they were. Still a nightmare to this day. 

“Exactly!” Beomgyu cried, nodding and sighing in defeat. He really couldn’t escape the wrath of Soobin’s baking. “Well, whatever we’re making, if it’s not awful or poisonous, I’ll bring you some tonight.”

Taehyun immediately lit up at the idea. A huge smile possessed his face while his eyes glowed unconditionally. “Really?”

The thought of getting free cooking that night felt like a dream. Even if they tasted terrible, he knew he would still somehow enjoy them. 

Taehyun didn’t notice at first, but Beomgyu went strangely dead quiet. He looked like he was taken aback for a moment, a soft pink staining his cheeks and before Taehyun could ask what was wrong, Beomgyu smiled fondly. 

“Of course,” he muttered, like a matter of fact. Obviously, Beomgyu would do that for him. And then, after a single moment, he let his hand brush freely through the soft locks of Taehyun’s hair. “How could I ever say no to this cute face of yours?”

Oh. 

Taehyun felt the heat rush straight to his face, impossible to control. He hated how easily Beomgyu could do that to him. A few words, a touch to his hair, and suddenly Taehyun felt himself falling in love all over again. 

Because to Beomgyu, they probably were nothing. That was the most dangerous part, because he said things like that all the time. Casually, like this kind of affection was something natural as breathing to him. And Taehyun, stupidly enough, kept collecting every single moment like they were precious. Cherishing them dearly in his heart. 

Sometimes he just wished Beomgyu would realize the damage he was doing to him. To realize just how badly Taehyun was in love. And yet he was standing there, laughing softly at his expression, fingers still brushing through his hair, and completely unaware of the disaster happening inside Taehyun’s chest. 

Before Beomgyu would walk away and leave him behind, Taehyun let himself look at him for one more second. Just one, before life kept moving forward anyway. 

In the end, Taehyun didn’t study at all. He didn’t register a single word, so he figured he might as well just go home. He called his best friend on the way home. Surprisingly, Hueningkai and Yeonjun had gone out together, playing games somewhere till Taehyun had called. 

He felt calm that night. He knew things were about to get even more better since Beomgyu was coming over. The moment he stepped foot into his place he realized the older hadn’t been here for a while now. He immediately started organizing everything, straightening cushions and cleaning the table. He didn’t want it to be messy. He didn’t want it to be casual because Beomgyu wasn’t just a casual friend. 

He knew he sounded crazy and delusional, but at this point, he really didn’t care anymore. He’d made peace with himself. He was painfully, irrevocably in love with his Beomgyu hyung. Was that so bad? Probably. He’d made peace with that, too. As long as Taehyun would remain his friend and nobody (besides Soobin) found out, he could handle it. He could take care of his feelings and of his own heart. 

The bell rang before Taehyun could realize it. He had no idea that it had already been quite a few hours since he got home. 

“It’s open!” He shouted loudly enough for the other to hear him. Fortunately, his neighbourhood was safe enough for Taehyun to let his door unlocked most of the time. The only risk he could find was the old lady next door’s cat sneaking in sometimes (which he didn’t mind at all). After he fed the cat some tuna, Taehyun would knock at the door and the lady would light up and give him praise and inevitably send him back home with a handful of cookies. So, not so bad. Sometimes, Taehyun even left his door open on purpose. 

He heard the door closing a few moments later. He didn’t bother turning to see who it was; he already knew it was Beomgyu, recognizing immediately the shape of his footsteps and the sweet perfume that Taehyun was obsessed with. 

“Hey! You’re early. Just give me five minutes, I’m still stirring the vegetables,” he greeted, walking confidently around his own kitchen and making dinner for the both of them. He smiled at the thought. “Your favourite, by the way. Since you said you missed my cooking.”

There was something Taehyun loved about the fact that everything between them had started with food, in a kitchen, after some painfully awkward conversation. But how much Taehyun was grateful for that now. 

Beomgyu didn’t answer him. At first, Taehyun didn’t think much of it. Beomgyu got distracted easily, probably busy taking off his shoes or messing up with his furniture (one time, Taehyun discovered a weird framed picture of himself sleeping, hanging right next to the coat rack and to this day he still hadn’t gotten an explanation for that). So he kept stirring the vegetables absentmindedly, humming softly under his breath. 

It was only when the silence stretched for too long that made something uncomfortable settle inside his chest. At that, Taehyun slowly turned around.

Beomgyu was not messing with his furniture, and his shoes were still on. He was standing near the center of the living room, his head lowered enough for his bangs to hide most of his face. His dark hair was a bit messy, like he had been running his hands through it over and over again. One of his hands, Taehyun unfortunately realized, was tightly clutching the yellow scarf.

Taehyun’s smile immediately faded. He lowered the heat on the stove with a hand without taking his eyes off the other, before taking a cautious step forward. “Hyung. Are you okay-”

“What is this?” 

His voice came out much sharper than Taehyun expected. It was raw and abrupt enough to make him freeze on the spot. 

“Uh?”

This time, Beomgyu lifted his arm, showing him the yellow scarf Taehyun had knitted him. “What is this?” 

Taehyun’s heartbeat sped up instantly, hard against his ribs. He genuinely had no idea what was happening. “Your… scarf?”

A strangled sound came unexpectedly out of Beomgyu’s throat, now finally lifting his head and setting his pair of dark eyes onto Taehyun’s. “Are you fucking serious right now?” 

There was something depicted behind his gaze that made Taehyun’s throat tighten so suddenly. The sharpness of his words did something horrific to his heart, too. 

“W-what?” he stammered, completely lost. Because despite not knowing the reason, hearing Beomgyu speak to him like that felt unreal. He’d never even raised his voice or cursed at him. 

“Are you joking?” He snapped harshly, glaring at him. “Is this some kind of prank?”

Taehyun frowned in confusion. “Hyung, I seriously don’t know what you’re talking about.”

A beat of silence passed before Beomgyu suddenly threw the scarf at him. “This.” 

The scarf hit Taehyun’s chest with full force before falling into his hands. At first, he didn’t understand what Beomgyu was trying to show him. But then his eyes caught on the loose threads near the inner seam, the small tear in the fabric unfortunately exposing the hidden stitching underneath. 

His stomach dropped instantly. Right there, you’re as beautiful as the stars, was painfully visible. The same tiny words he had sewn into the scarf months ago. It was supposed to be a secret. Something that belonged only to him… until now. 

Fuck. 

He felt all the blood drain from his face because never, never in his life would imagine arriving at this moment. At least not this soon. It looked like the seam had snagged on something sharp, maybe a branch or a zipper. None of that really mattered, though. Because now Beomgyu was looking at him, demanding answers that Taehyun couldn’t give to him. 

“I-“ His voice got stuck uncomfortably in his throat. “You weren’t supposed to see that…” 

Beomgyu stared at him like he didn’t even recognise him and Taehyun absurdly thought that he should’ve made the sew tighter, or maybe never sew it at all. 

“What the hell, Taehyun?”

Taehyun tightened his grip on the scarf like it could give him some comfort or stability. It didn’t. 

“I’m sorry, hyung. It was just… a nice message, that's all,” his voice sounded embarrassingly small now. He didn’t even want to meet Beomgyu’s eyes. “I’m sorry if it bothered you.” 

Somehow, it shattered him that this was the reaction to something so small and trivial like that. He sounded mad and confused but at the same time, Taehyun was able to spot a hurt edge behind his harsh expression. 

The next words came out smaller than Beomgyu intended, despite him visibly tightening his jaw. “Do you like me?”

Taehyun could only blink at him. “What?”

“Taehyun.” Beomgyu took a step closer, his voice rough and breakable. Was he trying not to get too mad, or was he trying not to cry? “Do you like me? Yes or no.”

Taehyun felt sick. 

Everything inside him was screaming to run away from this conversation, to laugh it off, to deny it, to say literally anything else or somehow drag them back to the safe, familiar version of their friendship. How had they even gotten here? Why did the universe have to be this cruel?

No, Taehyun didn’t just like him. Unfortunately, he loved him with every fiber and inch of himself. He could lie, he could look at Beomgyu in the eyes and tell him that he didn’t. He could tell him those words meant nothing and that he’d never thought of Beomgyu that way. but there was no world in which Taehyun would actually do that. The thought of making Beomgyu believe that Taehyun didn’t love him so easily as breathing was unbearable.

“I…” he swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the painful knot in his throat. “I think you already know the answer to that.” 

Beomgyu shook his head once. Twice. Closed his eyes and frowned. “Please, just say it.” 

Taehyun smiled sadly and helplessly. What was even the point in lying to his face now? “I don’t know what you want me to say, Beomgyu.” 

What was it that Beomgyu actually wanted, he asked quietly in his mind. He looked far too upset and confused and hurt by this whole thing. Was he hurt because he felt betrayed? Or was it because he didn’t want Taehyun to ruin the beautiful friendship they’d spent so long building?

All Beomgyu did was shrugging his shoulders helplessly. “I want you to tell me you haven’t been liking me this entire time and never said anything.” 

Taehyun paused for just a beat, momentarily at a loss for words. “Would it matter? Would it really change anything?” 

“Yes!” Beomgyu shot back immediately. “Yes, it would.” 

Taehyun’s chest ached at the sudden desperation in his voice. “Why?”

Beomgyu hesitated for a moment, chewing at his upper lip pensively, like he didn’t know if he was allowed to say what was actually weighing on him. 

“Because then I wouldn’t have spent months chasing someone I didn’t actually like.” His voice cracked slightly with frustration. “Someone who wasn’t you.” 

Taehyun could only stare at him, incapable of thinking clearly. 

“Why did you let me do that?” Beomgyu went on, stepping closer again. “Why didn’t you fight for me?”

Taehyun let out a breathless laugh, almost disbelieving. How much he wanted to just, tell him everything. To tell him just how much he was loved and cherished every single moment. 

“I didn’t think you’d want me to.” 

Beomgyu shook his head. “You know I didn’t like him the way I was supposed to.” 

“How was I supposed to know that, Beomgyu?” Taehyun snapped before he could stop himself. “You never gave anything. No signals, nothing.”

“I thought you wouldn’t need them!” He shouted, almost offended by Taehyun’s words. “I thought you knew, when you knitted this scarf, that I didn't like me when I was with him. I never did! I always felt the need to impress him, to change the things I wore, to make him like me more. I thought you could see that. I thought you knew."

Taehyun took a tentative step forward. “And what was I supposed to do even if I did know? Soobin is my friend too, you know I would never go behind his back like that!”

There was simply no universe in which Taehyun could have done something awful like that to his friends. They were all he had. Taehyun would burn himself down to make sure they were safe and warm. 

“I couldn’t just decide that your feelings mattered more than his,” Taehyun whispered. “I couldn’t do that to him.”

And, perhaps most painfully of all, he couldn’t have lived with himself if loving Beomgyu meant becoming the kind of person who betrayed someone he loved to get what he wanted.

“Then why sew this message?” Beomgyu asked softly. His eyes were pleading and asking for reasons and answers and Taehyun swore they were getting even a bit glossy. He would do everything to know what was really going on in his mind. “Why do something like that if you planned on never telling me?” 

Taehyun looked away, his grip tightening around the yellow scarf. 

“You thought I’d never find it?” Beomgyu whispered. “You really chose not to say anything and just… drown in your feelings forever?” 

“Yes!” Taehyun admitted immediately, his head snapping towards the other. He didn’t care at this point. There was no reason to be lying like that. “That was how things were supposed to go! You should never have found it.”

Beomgyu looked at him like his heart was slowly beginning to crumble in his chest. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He didn’t know if he was allowed to cross the line and took a step toward Taehyun, to feel him close, to feel what he had been hiding all this time. 

“That’s just cruel, Tyun,” his voice came out barely more than a breath of whisper, shaking and full of things they hadn’t said. “I’d never want to see you suffering because of me.”

Taehyun laughed weakly, exhausted more than anything. “Well, that’s too damn bad, because it happened. Over and over and over again,” he swallowed hard. He didn’t want it to make it sound like it was Beomgyu or Soobin’s fault. But he didn’t want to deny how he actually felt either. “Nobody can’t do anything about it, it’s just life.”

“See?” Beomgyu’s voice cracked around the word. “You’re finally telling the truth now. So why didn’t you before?”

“Do what?!” Taehyun snapped back, his breath uneven. He hated yelling at him like that. He hated that they were in his kitchen, shouting and screaming and hurting each other.

“Keeping this away from me!” He was fully shouting now, loud and deafening.

Taehyun opened his mouth, then closed it again. His thoughts were a complete mess. He didn’t know how to properly think, especially because he had spent so long believing Beomgyu would never find the message, never understand why Taehyun had stayed beside him through everything.

“I-”

“Why did you let this consume you?” Beomgyu asked, loud enough to make something inside Taehyun finally broke.

“Because I love you, Beomgyu!”

The words came out louder than he intended, rough and desperate. Even trembling at the edges. Taehyun drew in a long, deep sigh after that. There was no point in hiding it anymore. Beomgyu deserved to know the truth. He deserved to know that someone was really loving him just the way he was, even if quietly and secretly. 

“I loved you from the beginning when we barely even spoke to each other. I love you now and I know I’ll love you for as long as love exists,” his chest hurt so badly he could barely breathe through it. “I watched you love someone else and I stayed by your side and I comforted you when you needed it because that’s how much I love you. That’s how much I was willing to endure if it meant you and Soobin hyung could be happy.”

Beomgyu was just staring at him, completely still. His mouth was hanging open a little bit, and he couldn’t quite decide what to do with his hands. His messy hair fell over his face, over his eyes, and Taehyun had to suppress the urge to make his way toward him and brush them behind his ears. He didn’t, of course. He didn't even dare move. 

Finally, Beomgyu seemed to wake up from his daze. He chewed on his lip so nervously it almost started bleeding. 

“But you knew,” he whispered, then trying to steady his shaky breath. “You knew I didn't love Soobin the way I was supposed to.”

No, Taehyun didn’t know.

“Beomgyu, you have the whole world at your feet,” he breathed, shaking his shoulders like he was trying to shake all his pain away too. “This life is yours to keep. You don’t need me telling you this. You need to figure out what you really want and take it. I’ll be happy and rooting for you anyway.”

He didn’t care if Beomgyu didn’t love him the same way. He didn’t care if he chose to be with Soobin for the rest of his life, as long as Taehyun could remain by his side, even if all he was allowed to be was just his friend. That would be enough for him. Had to be. 

Beomgyu looked absolutely wrecked. His mind was scattered and he wasn’t sure how to order the chaos. He wanted to do and say so much more, but it felt like his tongue was tied. 

“I want,” he started, his voice sounding far more desperate than he intended. Then, his eyes fell on something just behind the younger. “Snow.”

Taehyun immediately frowned. “What?”

“It’s snowing,” he explained properly, now walking ahead before he could stop himself. Even past a very much confused Taehyun. 

“Okay?” he blinked, before finally turning his head. Sure enough, just outside the kitchen window, tiny white flakes drifted slowly through the night sky. Soft and beautiful. Pretty strange too, considering the weather was far too mild and warm to be snowing. Earth really was changing. 

“It’s my first snow here in Seoul, Tyun,” Beomgyu’s voice sounded so small and impossibly fragile, hiding a deep ache in his heart as he stepped closer to the balcony window. 

For a second, Taehyun forgot about the fight entirely, because Beomgyu moved toward the door without even waiting, and he realized he watched him go in complete disbelief before following him automatically. Because of course he did. He would follow him to the edge of the world. And if Beomgyu ever found himself lost in the dangerous depths of darkness, Taehyun knew he would still follow, carrying whatever little light he could find until Beomgyu was safely home. 

Cold air hit them the second the door opened. It had just started snowing and yet the city was already full of white, like a blanket had just fallen over buildings and streets. Snowflakes melted instantly against Beomgyu’s dark hair and lashes. He stepped into it slowly, staring up at the sky with parted lips, wonder and awe spreading across his face. 

And Taehyun, oh poor doomed Taehyun, he hated himself for it. Because even after everything, even after having his heart ripped open and exposed and placing every ugly, aching piece of it in the other’s hands, all he could think was still that Choi Beomgyu had never looked more beautiful than this. Taehyun was falling in love with him all over again. 

Taehyun stayed near the doorway for a moment. He wasn’t watching the snowflakes falling, he was watching him, because Beomgyu was far more beautiful than anything. Taehyun was close enough to reach him, to wrap him into his arms so he can never feel cold. But at the same time, Beomgyu felt impossibly distant, light years away from him. Taehyun hated it.

It was freezing outside, despite the warmth of having the man he loved the most by his side, but he barely even noticed. All he could focus on was Beomgyu’s wonder face tilted toward the sky. He was beautiful, literally took Taehyun’s breath away. Seeing him like that felt almost unreal, making his chest physically ache. He wanted him closer so badly that he hated the fact that he couldn’t.

A wet trail suddenly slipped slowly down the curve of Beomgyu’s cheek. Taehyun couldn’t tell whether it was melted snow or tears. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

Still, he moved before he could think too hard about it. He stepped closer carefully- not to close (he didn’t dared to) just enough to be standing right beside him. Their shoulders almost brushed. Beomgyu tried hard not to look at him.

Then Taehyun tightened the grip around the yellow scarf, feeling the warm fabric of it despite the cold, softened by use. By Beomgyu constantly touching it and wearing it and loving it without even knowing why it had mattered so much.

For one brief second, Taehyun felt himself freeze, but not because of the cold. Then he finally lifted the scarf and carefully wrapped it around Beomgyu’s neck. Beomgyu lowered his head slightly so Taehyun could adjust it properly, and the movement felt so familiar. His fingers brushed the back of Beomgyu’s neck briefly before retreating.

For a while, neither of them spoke. The only sound was the background noise of the traffic around the city and the casual soft music coming from downstairs. 

Then, Beomgyu finally spoke, but his voice came out just barely more than a thread of air. 

“I don’t always know what I want,” he said slowly, exhaling into the cold air. “I don’t have all the answers like you do. I don’t make plans or projects for my future, I don’t wake up in the morning knowing exactly what I’m gonna do with the day. I just live my life as fully as I can.”

Taehyun watched him carefully, even though it wasn’t reciprocated. Beomgyu was staring ahead of him. “I know you do. That’s one of the things I admire most about you.”

Beomgyu gave a small smile in return, their eyes still not quite meeting yet. “But… there is one thing I’m sure about.” 

Taehyun’s breath caught just slightly. “What is it?”

Beomgyu finally looked at him then, properly, for the first time since the silence began to feel too real and loud. There was something about his gaze that made Taehyun’s legs wobble just a little bit. A mixture of fear and determination in his eyes. 

“Every morning I’m sure there will be a message from you,” he started, piercing Taehyun’s skin and soul with his dark eyes. “Every lunch I’m sure you’ll be there making things lighter and funnier even when I don’t feel like laughing. Every afternoon I’m sure you’ll waltz in at my place and steal my food, staining my bed with the cheese powder from those stupid chips you really like even though I know you’ll clean it up every time because that’s how kind you are.” 

A pause. Taehyun didn’t even dare to speak, to breathe. And Beomgyu continued, somehow softer, somehow more steady. 

“Every dinner I’m sure you’ll send me a picture of whatever food you cooked and it always makes me wish you were here to cook it for me too,” he swallowed, but no matter what, he kept looking at Taehyun with the same softness and love in his gaze. “And every night, I’m certain you’re going to remind me that I’m not alone and that being edgy and a bit funky is okay.”

Despite the enormous knot in his throat, Taehyun tried to express himself anyway, because Beomgyu deserved it all. “It’s more than okay.” 

Beomgyu’s fingers instinctively tightened around the scarf, like a small reminder that Taehyun was really the only person who actually made him feel okay with himself. 

“I liked Soobin hyung. I really did. I won’t pretend I don’t care about him, because I do. He’s one of my best friends,” he shook his head once, his expression shifting just slightly. “But he isn’t you.”

Taehyun’s eyes dropped to the floor for a second, his heart pounding in his ears and he knew Beomgyu could feel it too. 

But he isn’t you. The words echoed inside his head. He isn’t… me?

“He is not you,” Beomgyu repeated, now even more confident and steadier. “And I know now that you’re the person who makes me the happiest. I trust you to take care of my heart and I hope you’re willing to trust that I’ll be doing the same with yours.” 

“Beomgyu…” His voice broke just slightly around his name.

But Beomgyu kept going anyway. He didn’t look away once. 

“I was looking for answers in somebody else all this time,” he went on. “But, I already had all the answers.”

“Beomgyu, please…”

Beomgyu took a step forward without hesitating. They were impossibly close, and yet still absurdly distant, as if there was an entire macrocosm between them. “What? Tyun, what is it? Just tell me.”

“You already know,” he managed to shrug faintly. “I- I can’t do this.”

There was a long pause after that. Beomgyu deflated like a balloon, a puppy-like expression on his face and god, how much Taehyun would love to stand on his tiptoes and kiss him senseless. He had always loved their height difference, because it wasn’t that much, but still enough for Beomgyu to bend just slightly whenever he wanted to meet Taehyun’s eyes. The thought alone made him drive insane. 

He didn’t know what was on Beomgyu’s mind. He wanted to know everything, the whole truth. He wanted to know how long it took him to understand Taehyun’s love and if he realized it only after seeing the secret message on the scarf. Was all of this even real? Or was Beomgyu simply looking at him with all this tenderness because he felt sorry for him? He desperately needed to know, but he still didn’t think he could survive being loved out of pity. 

“Is this… about Soobin hyung?” Beomgyu’s voice was so quiet Taehyun could barely hear it at first. He thought he had imagined it for a second. 

Of course it’s about Soobin hyung.

“You guys are still together!” In contrast to Beomgyu’s low tone, Taehyun’s voice sounded louder and far more desperate. “It doesn’t matter how much I love you, I can’t just- I can’t do that to him. Besides, you still don’t know exactly what you want-”

“Don’t say that,” Beomgyu cut in quickly, his brows drawn together. “I do know.”

Taehyun looked away. When Beomgyu spoke again, his voice softened, but it didn’t waver. 

“I really, really like you, Kang Taehyun,” he breathed. “And I know it’s probably not enough yet. But I want to figure it out with you. I want to grow this with you. And it pains me that it took me this long to realise it.”

Taehyun could have imagined a hundred ways this moment might go, but none of them had prepared him for hearing those words. Even if he implied it heavily, hearing it so clearly and directly made something awful happen inside his chest, right where his heart was pounding and racing so hard it threatened to escape from his ribcage. 

Beomgyu was everything he ever wanted. Beomgyu was everything.

And the thought that beautiful, endearing, mesmerizing Choi Beomgyu liked him, out of all people, was something that happened only in his dreams, certainly not in real life. 

“About Soobin hyung…” Beomgyu started again, playing with a chocolate strands of hair. Taehyun’s fingers practically ached to reach out and tuck it behind his ear, but he didn't dare move. “We’re not together.”

Taehyun sighed, now leaning forward on the railing. He didn’t want to meet his eyes. “You say that, but there’s this thing with you two…”

Beomgyu cut him off before Taehyun could continue. “No, listen to me,” he promptly said, firmly this time, and Taehyun could physically feel his agitation next to him. “There’s nothing between me and Soobin hyung. I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you sooner, okay? I… I guess I was scared it would change things. You have to believe me.”

The mere thought of Beomgyu thinking Taehyun wouldn’t do the craziest things in the world for him ruined him. 

He let out a soft sigh, watching the city above them. The cars turning white and people coming out to play together. It was beautiful. It should’ve felt happy, instead here they were, declaring their love for each other knowing full well that they were doomed from the start. 

“I do believe you, Beomgyu,” he smiled just faintly. “I don’t believe in aliens, but if you told me there was certainty that you saw one, I would believe you.”

Taehyun was smart and he loved looking up facts and theories and scientific shit. But this was about Beomgyu. He trusted him with his life. There was no version of reality in which he wouldn’t believe him.

“I just…” Taehyun stopped himself before continuing. Although he believed him with full certainty, he couldn’t just ignore all those months. All their moments together, the endless dates and faint kisses exchanged when nobody but Taehyun could see.  

“What?”

Taehyun shrugged, helplessly. “I can’t do this to Soobin. Not like this. Not this soon, at least.”

Against his every expectation, Beomgyu actually nodded. Almost like he knew this was gonna happen. In his heart, probably, he knew that Taehyun was too pure and kind to do this to one of his closest friends. 

“Okay,” he simply said, and all his nervousness suddenly disappeared. Instead, a small smile appeared on his lips, and his eyes softened at the edges, making Taehyun frown slightly. “Take however much time you need. I’ll wait.”

For some reason, his words sent a fresh ache through Taehyun’s chest. “Why?”

No one had ever waited for Taehyun. He couldn’t fathom why Beomgyu would now. What had changed? 

Beomgyu’s smile grew. “Because you waited way too long. And because you’re it for me, whether it’s today, tomorrow or a decade from now. I don’t care. I just really, really don’t wanna lose you, Tyun.”

Taehyun almost wanted to cry when Beomgyu leaned forward and left a slow and tender kiss at the corner of his mouth. He didn’t want anything else but feeling him close. He wanted to pull him into his arms and kiss him properly. But he didn’t. Instead, Taehyun kept looking at him.

And each time he glanced at him, he felt himself falling a little deeper, inching closer to his limit, until he was on the verge of completely losing himself. How easy it was for him to love Beomgyu. It came so naturally for him that sometimes the simplicity of it scared him a little bit. 

Beomgyu didn’t return his gaze. His cheeks were a bit flushed and he was probably wondering whether that little kiss had crossed some invisible line. He kept staring ahead of him, but fully knowing Taehyun was watching him. 

“You’re beautiful to look at,” Taehyun let the words slip away before he could stop himself. He didn’t want to stop himself. “I love watching you.”

Finally, Beomgyu turned to him now, smiling fondly at him and Taehyun could perfectly see the sparkles in his eyes. “I love being watched by you.” 

Whatever they said after that barely stayed in Taehyun’s memory. Maybe they talked a little bit more, or maybe Beomgyu just stayed there smiling at him in that soft, devastating way that always made everything inside Taehyun feel unbearably warm and painful at the same damn time. 

He couldn’t really remember. All he remembered was the sound of the snow beneath Beomgyu’s shoes as he slowly walked away, leaving Taehyun behind. After that, the ache. God, it spread through Taehyun’s chest so violently he had to press a hand against it for a couple of moments, standing alone outside of his apartment while snow kept falling around him. 

He didn’t know how long he standed there, while replaying in his mind every little thing about that night. About how sad and devastated Beomgyu had been the moment Taehyun turned around to look at him the first time. The tremble in his voice when he’d asked why Taehyun had never fought for them. Or the way Beomgyu had looked at him when Taehyun finally admitted how much he wanted him. 

And most of all, he didn’t think he would ever forget Beomgyu’s comforting smile when Taehyun told him he wanted them to wait, either. Because fuck, this was everything he had ever wanted. For Beomgyu to look at him like he was more than just a special friend. For his favourite person in the whole wide world to choose to love him. Nobody had ever chosen Taehyun first. He still didn’t know when Beomgyu had started feeling that way toward him. He wanted to ask so many questions, clarified so many unresolved feelings. 

He felt sick with love. His heart beating faster and faster until Taehyun couldn’t breathe anymore. Poets often write about their perception of love being the greatest feeling in the world. Fate bringing lovers together and a happy ending for everyone. Well, this wasn’t a poem or a love story (not yet, Taehyun desperately hoped). Fate didn’t do anything. Fate didn’t make Taehyun fall in love with Beomgyu. He had. He believed in his feelings first and he was the one shaping his love for him carefully. He tricked himself believing that he tried to suppress it, but in reality, Taehyun had never wanted for his feelings to disappear. Not really, even if it meant continuing to suffer for it. 

And now, after those sweet and careful words from Beomgyu, Taehyun wanted nothing but to run after him, kiss him without any worry in the world and just love him freely. But he didn’t.

Instead, while breathing slowly through the biting cold, he reached into his pocket despite his numbed fingers, and pulled out his phone. For a long, long moment, he simply stared at his screen, like it could suddenly give him the answers he needed. 

Then he quickly searched through his contact list, until his eyes dropped to something familiar. His thumb hovered over her name while his thoughts began to spin violently inside his head, and before they could crush him down completely, he pressed call. 

Taehyun let out one single deep breath that felt suspiciously like the beginning of a terrible decision before greeting the person on the other side of the line. 

The train doors slid open with a soft mechanical sound after what felt like the longest trip of his whole life. Taehyun stepped out onto the platform with a small bag slung over his shoulders, exhaustion clinging heavily to his bones. 

He hadn’t slept once during the trip, too preoccupied with his own thoughts. The constant feeling that he was making an incredibly stupid decision clung to his heart so painfully he couldn’t even close his eyes for a single moment. 

He probably looked like he hadn't slept in days- which wasn't far from the truth anyway. He sent a quick text to Hueningkai to inform him he’d arrived safely at the station before lifting his head. He had to squint his eyes a little because of the annoying lights, but he could manage. 

Busan smelled, somehow, very different from Seoul. He exhaled slowly, watching his breath disappear into the thin air as people moved around him in hurried waves. 

He put his phone away immediately, deciding at that moment that he wouldn’t look at it in any circumstances. Only his best friend was aware of the situation, but just because he knew he couldn't disappear like that without telling him, or he would have his wanted posters literally everywhere in South Korea. He trusted Hueningkai to do whatever he wanted with the information that he was currently in Busan. If he wanted to tell the others, Beomgyu specifically, Taehyun couldn’t bring himself to care.

Taehyun sighed at the thought, before finally starting walking toward the exit, where he knew she would wait for him. Well, he barely had enough time to actually look around before he heard hurried footsteps approaching him.

 “Taehyu-! Jesus christ!”

Immediately, a whole head of freshly dyed blonde hair came to his view, and the sight of his best friend soothed something inside Taehyun’s chest. Even though she was currently staring at his face with genuine horror. 

“You look like shit,” Chaeryeong said, the ever helpful and thoughtful. 

Taehyun let out a tired sigh. “Wow. Nice to see you too.”

It had been months since they last saw each other, and despite Taehyun feeling (and looking) absolutely awful, he was actually very happy to see her. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed having her around until now. 

“No, seriously,” she immediately grabbed his cheeks- an infuriating habit of hers- squishing his face between her palms while narrowing her big eyes at him. “You look like someone stepped on you. Repeatedly.”

“Shut up.”

Chaeryeong’s expression softened almost instantly. Taehyun liked to think she had a genuine soft spot for him, despite her multiple attempts at denying it. Well, suddenly pulling him into a tight hug that nearly made him stumble forward definitely didn’t help the allegations.

Taehyun melted into the hug before he could stop himself. Her hugs were always the best, even though she was way smaller than him. She still wrapped both arms tightly around his shoulders, one hand immediately coming up to pat his hair in the most obnoxiously condescending way possible. 

“Awww~” she cooed dramatically. “Look at my poor abandoned bestie. So tragic. So pitiful. It’s okay, baby, Chaerry is here now.”

Taehyun groaned against her shoulder. “Can we please go?”

“No, no.” She kept patting his head (Taehyun would rather kill himself right there than to admit he was really a sucker for head pats). “You came all the way to Busan looking like… this. Did you cry on the train too?”

The silence was loud and embarrassing. 

“My poor baby!”

Taehyun immediately grew pink. Chaeryeong always seemed to love teasing Taehyun, saying he was her baby, despite him being just one year younger. One! 

“Whatever,” he mumbled weakly, scoffing as he pushed her gently away. “You’re making a scene.”

She just chuckled, helping him with a bag (noted: just one single bag, the lightest one..) while ruffling his dark hair. “Fine, let’s go home so you can tell me everything.”

Taehyun shivered at the thought. He had never talked with anyone about his growing feelings for Beomgyu. Sure, he’d casually mentioned it to her because she was the only person in his life who didn’t know Beomgyu personally, so Taehyun wouldn’t feel too judged for loving him. 

But now, as they drive through the city, growing closer to her place, Taehyun couldn’t decide if the thought of telling her confused him or if it made him feel kinda relieved. A part of him wanted to keep everything hidden, like a secret, like that message sewed in the threads of that yellow scarf. The other part of him, the exhausted and heartbroken one, longed terribly for a hug and someone telling him everything was going to be okay. He glanced over at Chaeryeong for a moment, watching closely as she was talking animatedly about all the things she loved doing here in Busan. 

At some point, Taehyun realized he wanted it. He wanted her to be the person outside of the box, the only one he could tell everything without worrying she’d judge his whole entire existence. He wanted reassurance. Even if telling her would mean stripping himself naked, showing her every edge and layer of his love for Beomgyu, and with it, every ugly and beautiful complication part of it. 

When eventually she pulled into her driveway, and a couple of moments later they were home, Taehyun tried to convince himself this was fine. That staying here, away from everything, wouldn’t mean giving up on Beomgyu. 

“I already prepared your room,” Chaeryeong said after a moment, closing the door of her place. “Well, it still has some of your stuff from last time you visited, so I didn’t really do much.”

Taehyun chuckled, sporting his best smile at her, trying not to show her how much all of this was affecting him. He was already questioning himself and he’d been in Busan for less than half an hour.

“Thanks, Chaerry,” he sighed, genuinely appreciating her for all this. When he’d called her that night after Beomgyu left, Taehyun had used every ounce of him not to cry, but even after that, he knew Chaeryeong had noticed it. He didn’t even have to ask then, because she was already buying him train tickets. 

He settled himself in the guest room and Taehyun immediately noticed that Chaeryeong was right. 

“That's where my favorite blue sweatshirt was!” he sighed relieved, thinking he had lost it forever. Some of his other sweatshirts were still on the closet, a bunch of accessories in the left drawer and- was that his watch over here? 

Nevertheless, he organized everything neatly. Clothes folded and aligned in the closet along with a ridiculous number of caps hidden between his socks (because Chaeryeong stole them more often than she admitted).

He hadn’t brought much because he didn’t plan to stay long. He didn’t think he could handle staying away from Beomgyu for more than a couple of days anyway. But even as he arranged his things, there was a thought he kept circling back to, stubborn and quiet.

You’re doing this for everyone.

Right. Himself, Beomgyu, Soobin, even the others. Was he? Was he actually doing this for that reason or because he was just a coward? He didn’t know, and he realized he didn't want to know. Not just yet, because he needed it. He needed air and to think, and staying at his friend’s place, miles away from the objects of all his desires, seemed the only reasonable option right now. He would deal with the fireback later, he told himself.

That night, Chaeryeong didn’t bring up the conversation. Didn’t ask about Beomgyu. They simply ate dinner and talked like they hadn’t seen each other in months, which was true. Taehyun didn’t sugarcoat it, he had missed her. And she wasn’t any better, because every now and then she would bump his shoulder, or steal something off his plate, or briefly touch his wrist, like she was making sure her best friend was actually sitting beside her and not part of whatever mess he’d left behind in Seoul.

Eventually, days inevitably passed. Hours stretched slowly into long days hunched by the desk, head buried into books and his eyes burned by the light of his laptop. It was easy studying and pretending nothing happened. It was easy to wake up and barely even live. Chaeryeong tried many times to drag him outside of his room, insisting he needed fresh air, and the rare times she succeeded, the maximum effort he could manage was curling up beside her on the couch and watching a movie. 

Despite wanting to, Taehyun didn’t talk about Beomgyu and Chaeryeong didn’t ask. It was like a mutual and silent agreement to give Taehyun time to express himself in his own way. She knew he would come up with something at some point, so she never insisted too much. Taehyun really appreciated it. 

During those endless days, he tried not to think about what he’d left in Seoul either. But as much as he tried, he just couldn’t delete the clear image of Beomgyu’s face the moment he stepped into his house holding that yellow scarf with just so many emotions mixed in a single expression. And also the moment when Beomgyu had smiled at him, saying he would wait for him with so much calmness and lightly as if waiting for Taehyun was just natural and obvious. As if Taehyun was worth waiting for. 

Taehyun inevitably ached for him. He longed to see just even a glimpse of him. He knew he couldn’t, not now. It was too soon, so on days the ache was just a little bit too much, overwhelmingly tight, enough to pain his heart, Taehyun would open Pandora’s box. Meaning: his favourite ice cream. 

Now, Taehyun knew exactly how pathetic that sounded. Miserably eating ice cream straight from the tub along with a stupid romcom in the background all while longing for the person he was hopelessly in love with and that he himself had admittedly pushed away? Yeah well, tragic situations required tragic measures. 

He was just in the middle of Remember Me (who fucking decided to end that movie in such a fucked-up way?! Taehyun was definitely not crying), when the sound of the door opening made him look up, even though he couldn’t really see. He knew it was just Chaeryeong, and he confirmed it when he heard some shuffling in the kitchen- likely place for her to enter first after coming home. 

Except, this time, something was a bit different. For starters, the strange multiple sets of footsteps finally reaching the living room. 

Taehyun didn’t bother looking up at first, too engrossed in the fucked-up ending of this stupid movie and shoveling another spoonful of cherry ice cream into his mouth, until he heard a soft gasp. 

Slowly, Taehyun looked up, just to find out that it wasn’t Chaeryeong at all. A… girl was standing there at the door, with wide eyes and her mouth slightly parted. Her short dark hair cascaded messily down her confused face, staring at a very much baffled Taehyun, the spoon still in his mouth, not daring to move a single muscle. 

“Uhh,” she started, slowly, as if trying not to freak out completely. “Cherry?”

Cherry. Was she referring to his ice cream, or the girl in the kitchen? The answer came immediately.

“Yeah?” Chaeryeong called absentmindedly. 

In the middle of the moment, Taehyun found it quite amusely and cute that Chaeryeong’s friends called her Cherry. Damn it, why had he never thought of that before? That’s genius.

The girl tilted her head toward the voice, but her eyes never left Taehyun’s figure. “There’s a crying muscular man eating ice cream on your couch…?”

Chaeryeong went completely silent for a full second. 

“Oh my god,” she finally said, far too calmly for someone processing that sentence. “That’s Taehyun.”

Sure, like that could explain everything. Taehyun quietly rolled his eyes fondly before lowering his spoon. The girl at the door just blinked.

“Taehyun?”

“Yep,” Chaeryeong replied, finally stepping out of the kitchen and wiping her hands on a towel like this was completely normal. “Ryujin, that crying man over there is Taehyun, my best friend- I told you about him, didn’t I? Well, either way, he’s staying here for a bit.”

Taehyun deliberately ignored the fact that Chaeryeong failed to remember her friends about his existence (as well as the fact that his description was now reduced to that crying man over there), and actually focused on one thing in particular. Ryujin. That Ryujin? 

Chaeryeong didn’t say much about her, but Taehyun surely remembered a long midnight conversation about how Ryujin’s hair always fell nicely down her- as quoted- ‘scrumptious sexy face’. 

Taehyun raised a hand slightly, sporting a small, devious smile. “Nice to finally meet you. Are you Chaerry’s girlfriend? She talks about you constantly.”

Chaeryeong, in fact, did not talk about her constantly. Although, she totally would if her best friend hadn’t been busy being depressed and usually rotting in his bed all day. 

The way her eyes nearly bulged out of her head (very funnily if you ask Taehyun) made his little scheme completely worth it. 

“Yah!”

Ryujin immediately smirked at that. “Hm, is that so?”

Chaeryeong whipped her head towards her so fast Taehyun was surprised she didn’t break her neck. “Don’t mind him, he’s just joking.”

And because Taehyun was the bestest friend in the world… “No, I’m not. I definitely remember something about Ryujin-ssi’s lips looking very soft like bubblegum clouds-”

“Kang Taehyun!” Chaeryeong yelled before launching herself towards her ex best friend and shut him up with her hands. 

“I’m gonna kill you,” she hissed, her eyes sending daggers. Taehyun giggled and let her shove his shoulders. 

They both turned at the same time when they heard Ryujin snort. 

“I like him” she pointed her thumbs at him, then nodded just once. “We can keep him.”

As if there had ever been an option to kick him out…

“This is my personal hell,” Chaeryeong mumbled, still glaring at his supposed best friend. She couldn’t believe he betrayed him just like that. “I will not hesitate to let you sleep on my porch tonight.”

Ryujin intervened before Taehyun could say anything. “Did something happen, by the way? Do you need me to punch someone in the face?”

Taehyun smiled before realizing. She had known him for less than three minutes and she was already willing to punch someone on his behalf. He was glad Chaeryeong had someone this kind by her side. 

“Nah, he’s just moping because of a guy,” Chaeryeong explained, smoothing down her blonde hair. 

To be fair, that explanation wasn’t really explaining shit. But well, it wasn’t that far from the truth anyway. He was moping because of a guy. Except it wasn’t just some guy, but the love of his life. Of course, Taehyun would never say that in front of two baddies. He wasn’t going to let his patheticness be the source of his downfall. 

“Ah, of course,” Ryujin nodded once, crossing her arms on her chest. “Do we like this guy?”

Taehyun didn’t comment on Ryujin’s nosiness. “We do. A lot.”

“Can’t believe I‘ve never seen him,” Chaeryeong complained, getting up from the couch and walking toward Ryujin. “He must be really pretty if you like him that much, Taehyunnie.”

Taehyun didn’t just like him, though. And it certainly wasn’t just because of his looks. Sure, Beomgyu was the most beautiful man he has probably ever seen in his entire life, and the thought of imagining his face and his smile always made his heart flutter a little bit (or like a lot). But there were a gazillion of things that made Taheyun fall in love with him. Of course, he wasn’t going to make a list in front of them. He really didn’t want to get bullied, okay?

“He is,” he answered anyway, then noticed Chaeryeong pulling her hat (noted: Taehyun’s hat) over her head. “Are you two going out?”

“Yeah,” she smiled. “We’re going to the cinema. Wanna come?”

Ryujin didn’t make any face at her suggestion, making Taehyun believe she wasn’t opposed to the idea. And as much as he wanted to tag along just to find out more about this Ryujin girl, Taehyun didn’t want to feel any more excluded. Chaeryeong deserved this date more than anyone. 

“It’s fine, I don’t want to third-wheel," he smirked, knowing full well he was going to suffer the wrath of Chaeryeong later. 

The two of them waved him goodbye (after making Taehyun promise to eat a proper meal instead of just ice cream), and after the door closed behind them, he was all alone again. The ending title of the movie rolling in the background.

He didn’t want to label this gnawing feeling at the pit of his stomach, but there was still a ping of jealousy running through his veins at the sight of Chaeryeong and her not-quite-girlfriend. He was genuinely happy for her, knowing how long she had been pining over the other girl. And from what little he’d seen of her, Ryujin was amazing.

But there was just something about it that made Taehyun slightly uncomfortable with himself. Maybe it was because he longed for something like that. That full and uncomplicated certainty that your feelings were growing alongside someone else's, and the permission to explore them together. To be completely free to reach for the other person without constantly wondering whether you were crossing some invisible line.

Taehyun’s feelings weren’t like that. He grew them himself, carving them carefully and painfully, even while knowing exactly how badly they could ruin him afterwards. 

I really, really like you, Kang Taehyun.

Right. Beomgyu had said that. But it couldn’t really change anything. They couldn’t just magically make everything simple. Not when there was another person involved. And it wasn’t a random, shitty ex-boyfriend that he could grow to hate. It was Choi Soobin, their dearest friend. The man Taehyun looks at and crawls at his side to seek warmth and comfort. The man Beomgyu considered his best friend. How were they supposed to do this to him? How could Beomgyu just tell him that and not realize how awful Taehyun had been all this time? How could they possibly be happy knowing someone they both loved might get hurt?

He didn’t know, and he needed to stop thinking about it. Just for now, at least. He turned off the television just to prove his point, then finally closing the lid of the ice cream container and getting up. He couldn’t be miserable forever. 

But maybe he could indulge in it for a bit long. Especially because, after dragging himself into the kitchen and starting to prepare an actual meal (solely because he’d promised Chaeryeong he would, even if it had felt more like a threat than a promise), the phone started ringing in his pocket, startling him a little bit. For a moment, he assumed Chaeryeong had forgotten something at home and Taehyun debated not to answer just for the sake of annoying her. But when he pulled his phone out, a different name stared back at him. 

He hesitated for only a couple of seconds before pressing his thumb over the green button.

“Hello?”

There was a bit of a silence on the other line, like he couldn’t believe Taehyun had actually answered. 

“Taehyun,” Hueningkai finally breathed in relief. “I miss you.”

Taehyun rolled his eyes with a fond chuckle before he could stop himself. Of course Hueningkai would call. Of course he’d miss Taehyun, even if it had only been a week. Of course Taehyun missed him back.

“I miss you too, darling~”, he tried to joke, just because he could. He didn’t like Hueningkai being overly affectionate. Or well, he did, but not in this situation. Not when Taehyun’s heart was so broken it could take just a single sweet word from his best friend to make him crumble. 

He heard him chuckle softly on the other end, before pausing for a couple of seconds. Taehyun felt like he was debating whether to say whatever was on his mind.

“Is Chaeryeong noona okay?” he opted to say instead.

“Yeah, she’s been doing well here in Busan.”

He started boiling water in the meantime. His inner chef was apparently exhausted, though, because all he could bring himself to make was ramyeon.

There was some shuffling in the background, but Taehyun couldn’t figure out where he was. “Are you there just because you missed her?”

Oh. Wow, straight to the point.

The thing was, not telling Hueningkai wasn’t exactly planned. Taehyun didn’t want to keep him in the dark, especially because he was sure his best friend would understand. Or at least, he wouldn’t hate him. But there was something about speaking about his feelings out loud that scared the hell out of Taehyun. Every time he thought about telling him, the words were caught miserably in his throat, refusing to come out. 

But now, with all the cards sitting plainly on the table, Taehyun couldn’t pretend anymore. 

“You know I’m not, Kai.” 

He needed more than that to understand, but Taehyun knew his best friend was smart. 

“Yeah, figured,” he sighed quietly, then added, “everyone’s acting strange, by the way.” 

The words left something bitter in Taehyun’s stomach. “Strange?”

Taehyun didn’t really need Hueningkai to tell him the situation at home was weird. He could’ve imagined. He also could imagine the look of confusion in Hueningkai and Yeonjun’s faces around the odd atmosphere.

“Hm. Beomgyu hyung has been awfully quiet since you left.”

Taehyun’s heart did a stupid somersault in his chest just at the mention of that name. They were getting closer and closer to the truth and Taehyun didn’t know if he could handle it. He wished Hueningkai was here, and wished he could tell him face-to-face and not on the stupid phone, so that he could wrap himself in those giant arms and hide from the entire world forever. But he didn’t really deserve to be comforted now. 

“I thought he might’ve known you’re in Busan, but he didn’t. Soobin hyung is no joke either, by the way,” he added, and his voice came out light, like he wasn’t shattering Taehyun’s heart right now. 

“Kai…” 

Before he could say something else, the younger beat him to it. “I’m sorry. I know, you don’t have to tell me.”

“I want to, though. You’re my best friend.”

Taehyun would rather die than ever hurt Hueningkai’s feelings by shutting him out like this. He couldn't bear the pout he was probably wearing on his face right now.

“Well, I don’t want you to tell me just because you think you have to.” His voice was gentle. “It’s okay, Tae.”

“It’s not okay,” Taehyun quickly encountered. He really couldn’t care less about his ramyeon right now. All he could think about was to make something right, for once. “I just… I didn’t know how to tell you. I guess I was so terrified to feel judged and kept you in the dark because I didn’t know how you’d react.”

He heard Hueningkai sighed softly on the other side, and Taehyun guessed there was a hint of a sweet smile tugging at his lips. 

“Is this about Beomgyu hyung?”

There was a long, painful silence after that. Taehyun had no idea what to say. The word yes sat heavily on his tongue but refused to come out of his mouth. So he stayed quiet and prayed his best friend would understand. And eventually, he did.

“...Oh,” Hueningkai breathed after what felt like eternity. “Wait. Are you- Do you…? Oh.”

Taehyun closed his eyes, desperately trying not to get too overwhelmed with his emotions. He felt horrible. He usually didn’t struggle, like ever. He resolved his own problems like math. But this… this was nothing like math or physics. It wasn’t logic, there wasn’t an equation that Taehyun could solve so that he could never feel that way; heartbroken and so, so tired of being alive.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “Oh.”

Taehyun could perfectly hear the gear in Hueningkai’s head. He busied himself with the meal, even though his head was miles away from the ramyeon half prepared in his hands.

“Well, why was this so hard to tell me? I wouldn’t judge you for that,” Hueningkai said, slowly and carefully. It seemed that he still had some pieces of puzzles left. “I knew something was up after hyung’s birthday.”

After the scarf. Of course. Taehyun should’ve known Hueningkai and Yeonjun would eventually become curious. Soobin had figured out his feelings because of that scarf as well. However, even if it did raise questions about him and Beomgyu, Taehyun didn't regret making it. He could never forget the look on his face when he’d opened the box, or his lips pressed briefly against Taehyun’s ear. 

“I don’t think it’s my place to tell,” he sighed. Hueningkai was missing a big part of the story, but he couldn’t just explain without exposing Beomgyu and Soobin, too. The very reason why Taehyun felt like he’d feel too judged to tell. The reason why he was currently in Busan instead of Seoul, holding Beomgyu’s hand and kissing him freely. “I don’t think they’d want me to say this-”

“It’s okay,” Hueningkai cut him off before he finished. “I think I get it.”

Taehyun’s hand stilled just slightly. “You… do?”

“Beomgyu hyung and Soobin hyung…” Hueningkai hesitated, like he was choosing the correct words in his mind first. “There was something going on between them. Am I right?”

Taehyun straightened immediately. “How did you-”

“Please,” Hueningkai interrupted gently, sounding almost amused. “I’m not blind. And Soobin hyung really wasn’t subtle. Neither were you, by the way.”

A beat, just one moment, where Taehyun felt like his best friend was beginning to strip him naked to know the truth. 

“Oh,” he breathed weakly. 

He stirred the ramyeon in the pot just to have something to do while his mind kept thinking and thinking. Hueningkai didn’t sound too upset about it. If anything, he sounded gentle and thoughtful, like he didn’t want Taehyun to feel wrong with himself.

“I never said anything because I didn’t really understand Beomgyu hyung,” he continued. “But now I think I get it.”

Taehyun let out a quiet breath, biting on his upper lip. “And do you… not hate me?”

“Why would I hate you?”

“Because!” Taehyun said, a little louder and strained than usual. “Friends aren’t supposed to fall for their friend’s boyfriend. It’s wrong.”

“But Beomgyu hyung is your friend too,” he simply stated, like it was obvious. “That makes it very different.”

“I know,” Taehyun admitted, leaning forward against the counter and running a hand through his hair. “But I still feel awful. Like, there’s this horrible knot in my stomach every single time I think about the fact that I’m in love with Soobin hyung’s ex boyfriend. Yes, ex. But does that really change anything at this point?”

“Wait. Wait, wait, wait.”

Taehyun blinked. Had he said something wrong? “What?”

“Are you in love with Beomgyu hyung?”

“W-what?” his grip tightened slightly around the chopsticks in his hand. Did he actually say that? To Kai? 

“You just said it,” Hueningkai remarked, somehow careful and slow as if not to scare Taehyun away. Even in situations like that, his best friend was always considerate. “You love him.”

Taehyun stared down at the pot of ramyeon for a second too long, a light blush creeping involuntarily on his cheeks. There was no point in denying it anyway. 

“...Yes,” he sighed, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding until now. “I do.”

It felt freely saying it out loud without any consequences, like taking a huge weight off his chest. Still, the horrible feeling in his stomach didn’t leave nor got smaller. 

The best part of it all was that Hueningkai didn’t react with shock or judgement. Didn’t point at him (Taehyun still wouldn’t see him but anyways) or yell at him for falling in love with a friend of theirs. A friend that had dated another friend of theirs. God, it was so fucked up in his head. 

“Does he know?” his voice was laced with what seemed to be just pure curiosity.

Taehyun swallowed hard, his mind bringing him back to that night, at Beomgyu’s face when he had said those words. I’ll love you as long as love exists. His blush just deepened on his cheeks and he felt like burning on fire. He thanked the lord that Hueningkai was on the phone and couldn’t physically see him.

“Yes. He does.”

There was a long pause after that. Taehyun brought his finished ramyeon to the table, forgetting even how to do the simplest thing like eating. The tension and the anticipation made him feel slightly insane.

“Okay,” Hueningkai finally said, slowly. “I feel like I’m missing major points here.”

Despite everything, Taehyun let out a tired, breathy laugh. He’d missed this. He’d missed laughing with his best friend. He hated that they couldn’t do that in person. 

“Can you explain it to me better?” he continued gently. “So I can help you. No judgement. I could never judge you, Tae. You’re my best friend.”

Taehyun looked down at the ramyeon in front of him, and for the first time since he came to Busan, he felt something like relief mixed with exhaustion. He wished Kai were here too. He wished he could curl up against him, let himself be held, and pretend for just a little while that everything was going to be okay. He desperately needed it. 

“Yeah,” he answered quietly. “Okay. I’ll try.”

Trying to reorganize his scarred thoughts in his mind first, Taehyun carefully started to recall every event that had brought him to this exact moment. He told Kai about the day at the painting ball field, the way Soobin had known everything instantly. He told him about the hidden message in the scarf and the outcome of it; the brutal confrontation, the questions, and Taehyun finally admitting his feelings. 

Hueningkai didn’t talk much, letting Taehyun explain everything on his own terms. Taehyun really appreciated it. He didn’t know how he could live without his best friend. He was a fundamental component in his life, woven so deeply into it that imagining a version of himself without him felt almost impossible.

“That’s… a lot to take in.” He admitted after a moment. He didn’t sound judgemental at all, just pure confusion and shock in his tone. 

“I know,” Taehyun swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

“Aish, why are you apologizing now?”  

Because he couldn’t help it. He felt guilty, of what exactly he wasn’t even sure anymore. Somehow, even falling in love had started to feel like a mistake he needed to apologize for.

“I just feel like I threw this huge rock at you and…” He leaned over the table, a hand pressing over his eyes. He wanted to block everything out. The room, his thoughts, himself. “I don’t know. You don’t have to take my side. I know I messed up.”

“Tae,” he heard Hueningkai sigh gently through the phone. “You’re in love. Love makes people do stupid things.”

Taehyun felt his own heart start to crumble inside his chest. Kai was right. Love had driven him completely insane, in the sense that he would commit a felony and a crime just for Beomgyu. He would go to the end of the world for him. He would steal the moon if he’d simply asked.

“And from my very humble point of view,” Hueningkai continued, “you’re allowed to feel this way. And I won’t lie to you, it’ll probably feel awkward when you’re eventually dating Beomie hyung in front of Soobinie hyung.”

Taehyun’s hand slipped and his chopstick fell from his fingers, touching the ground with a soft thud. They weren’t dating. Why would he say something like that so casually? Taehyun couldn’t help himself but touch his burning ears and hoped his best friend wouldn’t comment on the tiny gasp that had escaped him the moment he said that. 

Thankfully, Hueningkai continued undeterred. 

“But if what hyung told you is true, then I really don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

Taehyun picked up the chopsticks and carried everything into the kitchen. The dishes could wait, he had no energy to wash them anyway. “What do you mean?”

Hueningkai took some time to answer. 

“I don’t think they were ever in love.”

The answer surprised Taehyun enough that he stopped moving completely. Freezing in the middle of the hallway, his brows drawing together in confusion.

“I mean, we would’ve noticed, wouldn’t we?” Hueningkai went on. “Okay, sure. Soobin hyung seemed very whipped at first. We all saw that.” Taehyun’s stomach twisted. Yeah, he remembered well that kiss on his cheek at Beomgyu’s birthday party and the fond look he gave him afterward. “But he literally told you himself that you’re better for Beomgyu than he is, didn’t he?”

He did. Taehyun remembered that day as though it had happened yesterday. He remembered how Soobin looked fondly at him and said those words that had made his eyes all glossy because what the fuck, you shouldn’t be talking about your boyfriend being better with another person. Maybe that was part of why Taehyun had believed Beomgyu when he said that he and Soobin were just friends now. And underneath all that, Taehyun longed for that stupid thread of hope that Beomgyu could actually love him the same way and that along the way, they could find their way to each other without hurting Soobin in the process. Because that would actually destroy Taehyun.

“I’m so scared, Kai,” his voice came out low and trembling, as he pressed his lips together to stop himself from crying. “I really don’t wanna lose Soobin hyung.”

“Wait so, hold on,” Hueningkai spoke after a while. “The fact that you’re in Busan and all… feeling this miserable and all… it’s all because of this? You don’t wanna hurt Soobin hyung?”

“Well, no- kinda? I barely know at this point,” Taehyun’s reply came confused but even more in his own head. “I just wanted everyone to wait. I want to make things right. I don’t wanna rush this. And Beomgyu said he likes me, but I don’t even know if he was pitying me or if he isn’t sure enough-”

“Oh, trust me. He is very sure.”

That made Taehyun pause and draw his eyebrows together in confusion. Could Beomgyu have said something to Kai? But then it wouldn’t make sense because Kai didn’t even know Taehyun liked Beomgyu until recently (like, five minutes ago). 

“Did he say something to you?” He asked anyway.

There was some shuffling on the other side of the phone, making Taehyun wonder whether Kai was actually at home or somewhere else. 

“You have to find it yourself,” Hueningkai said calmly. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“Kai.”

“Yes, Tae?”

God, he hated how cheeky he sounded whenever he knew something Taehyun didn’t.

“Tell me.”

“Nope.”

“Hueningkai.”

He heard him giggle. “Nuh uh!”

Taehyun groaned loudly, sinking into his bed. He laid there comfortably, putting his phone right next to his ear.

There was a long pause after that. Hueningkai didn’t say anything else, but Taehyun knew he didn’t hang up because he could feel his calm breathing, unknowingly steadying him. He felt himself relaxing into the sheets and into the pillow, and for just a moment, everything felt right again. Of course, it didn’t last long, as his mind started to overthink again. He couldn’t help it. 

“What if this ends badly?” He voiced his thoughts out loud, even though his voice came out merely over a thread of air. He felt his own heart aching in his chest. “What if we don’t work out? What if I ruin not only my friendship with him, but with Soobin hyung too?”

Hueningkai sighed, and Taehyun could imagine his sweet smile on his face. He wished he was here.

“Well,” he said solemnly, “as Shakespeare once said, the sea is full of fish and you’re just a trout.”

Taehyun blinked. Did he just-?

“...I don’t think Shakespeare ever said that.”

A beat. Then, “Well, you’re also ignorant then.”

Despite everything, Taehyun let out a disbelieving laugh. He covered his mouth so as not to let this get too much into Hueningkai’s head. 

“Kai! I’m serious,” he complained dramatically like a petulant child, suppressing yet another giggle.

“Hi Serious, I’m Hueningkai.”

Taehyun closed his eyes and sighed. This guy…

“I’m hanging up.”

“Wait, wait!” He immediately interrupted, his laughter fading just a little bit. Taehyun was grateful that his best friend could find some positive energy despite everything Taehyun had dumped on him. It eased the pain in his heart just enough. 

“Okay, sorry, sorry,” he went on, “but come on. Let’s be for real now. Whenever you enter a room, hyung literally glows. He let you help with his clothes and everything. And you know he doesn’t let the rest of us. He feels safe with you. He feels himself. Do you really think you two aren’t perfect for each other? Opposites attract, as they say. Right?”

Without really wanting to, Taehyun felt his cheeks grow warm. He hated how easy it was for him to blush whenever Beomgyu became the subject of the conversation. He already clouded his mind every single day, he had absolutely no business making Taehyun flustered every time, too. 

“Are you blushing?” Hueningkai teased shamelessly.

“Shut up, Kai.”

After that, the conversation took a whole different direction, and honestly, Taehyun was glad. He wasn’t used to not talking to his best friend for more than a day, so it felt incredibly nice and comforting talking to Hueningkai and he hadn’t realized till now how much he had missed it. 

He didn’t remember how long they stayed on the phone that night. Maybe thirty minutes or maybe three hours. All he knew was that, at some point, Chaeryeong came back from her date and literally stole his phone away to talk personally with Kai. After that, Taehyun was pretty sure he fell asleep. 

It was nice having friends who cared about him in such a deep, comforting way. Having both of them by his side meant more to him than could explain. He really was grateful. 

But as comforting as their presence was, Taehyun just couldn’t take his mind off one particular person. He missed him, there was no way around it. He missed his voice and his fluffy hair and the way they fell messily down his breathtaking small face. God, Taehyun was dying inside. He couldn’t keep pretending that Beomgyu’s absence wasn’t affecting him this much. There was a void inside his chest, or maybe it was more like a painful knot that refused to go away no matter how many days passed.

Sometimes, all he wanted to do was to pack his things, take the first train back to Seoul and knock at Beomgyu’s apartment, right where everything had started. 

But he didn’t. He couldn’t. Not yet.

Because he was a coward.

And so, like the coward he insisted on being, he kept lying on the couch, day after day, armed with different ice cream flavours and whatever movie happened to be playing in the background. God, he’d rewatched Ratatouille at least fourteen times, he could even recite every line in his sleep. At this point, he was fairly sure Chaeryeong was going to kick him out. 

“Okay, you need to stop,” she predictably announced after the fifteenth rewatch. She reached over and took the remote straight out of Taehyun’s hands (with force!) and turned off the television. “I’m sick of this.”

Taehyun pouted, weakly trying to get the remote back. He was literally just getting to the best part of the movie. “Give it back! Colette was just about to find out about Remy-”

“Oh my god, Taehyunnie!” She let out a long, suffering groan and dropped herself onto the couch beside him. She grabbed him by the shoulders and started shaking him a few times, enough to kick some sense into him. Well, trying to. “Who are you? Where’s my cool bestie?”

Taehyun’s pout deepened. “I am cool.”

Chaeryeong gave him a flat look. “Really? ‘Cause you’re not looking very cool right now. When was the last time you showered?”

“Hey!” Taehyun protested immediately. “I literally showered yesterday… ish.”

She raised a single brow. “Then what’s this…?” she reached out a tentative finger toward his hair, where a patch of something unidentified was resting in it.

“It’s just ice cream,” Taehyun rolled his eyes, slapping her hand away. “I didn’t know if I wanted vanilla or cherry and then I accidentally tripped and didn’t realize my hand had landed in the vanilla ice cream so I-”

“I really don’t wanna know, Taehyun.”

That shut him up. 

Chaeryeong sighed, finally leaning back against the couch. Her hair was all over the place, even brushing Taehyun’s cheeks, but he didn’t mind. He knew what this was about, Taehyun wasn’t stupid. Chaeryeong was worried and he was being an asshole, staying at her place and barely even telling her any real explanation. He knew she deserved one, but saying it out loud made it real in a way Taehyun wasn’t sure he could survive yet.

He was just… so damn scared. 

It had been easier with Kai, because there was a safe distance between them. Even if Taehyun knew Kai could perfectly read him, at least Taehyun didn’t have to sit there under his puppy-like gaze and watch himself fall apart piece by piece. But Chaeryeong was right there, at a very dangerous distance. Close enough to see all his constructed edges crack under her eyes and that made Taehyun stop. 

He didn’t want her to be kept in the dark. But he was so terrified of putting himself completely bare in front of her because he was sure she was going to see every ugly and trembling piece of him slowly crumble and leave him wrecked. 

“Taehyunnie,” she started, and Taehyun almost felt sick to his stomach at how soft her voice sounded. “I’m worried about you.”

Of course she was. She had every right to be. 

“I know you don’t wanna talk about it,” Chaeryeong went on, “so I won’t force you. I just… I hate seeing you like this. And I don’t know what to do. I feel so useless.”

Taehyun’s stomach twisted uncomfortably. She was such an angel, truly one of the best people he had ever met. She didn’t deserve any of this. 

Maybe that was part of why Taehyun finally told her everything that night. Recalling past events just like he had done with Hueningkai over the phone. But telling Chaeryeong felt entirely different. Slower, somehow, harder to breathe through. He couldn’t even hold her gaze for more than a bunch of seconds at a time. He kept breaking it, staring at the floor, at the couch, at anything that wasn’t her face. He was afraid that if he looked at her for too long, she would see everything. 

Chaeryeong didn’t look at him in a pitiful way once. She was gentle and understanding and she wasn’t judging Taehyun for falling in love with someone he thought he wasn’t supposed to love. 

“Oh, Taehyunnie,” she murmured after, pulling him close, carving her fingers through his hair gently and soothingly. “There’s no such thing as loving the wrong person.”

A part of Taehyun wanted to believe her immediately. Another part of him already did.

“I just- I don’t want to mess things up,” Taehyun admitted quietly, leaning toward her gentle touch before he could stop himself. He didn’t realize how much touch-starved he had been until that moment. How desperately he craved for someone to hold him close and make him forget about everything. 

“I know but, Taehyun,” she said, her tone was low and careful, “you keep doing that to yourself. You keep forgetting that you exist too. Have you ever thought about yourself? About what you want?”

Taehyun shrugged, defensive. “I have.”

He hadn’t. He had been so caught up in this freaking mess that he forgot what he actually wanted along the way.

“And what is it that you want so bad?” She asked. “You’re so scared to admit it right now, but I know exactly what you want.”

Taehyun felt himself crumbling a little bit, just enough to be gasping for air. He was getting at the very edge of a high cliff, trembling and just one tiny step away from falling. 

“I want-” he started, then stopped, closing his eyes just for a moment. “I want romance. I want love and passion and connection. I want it to hurt a little and be worth it anyway. I want to fail and then succeed. I want all of it, the whole package, every last drop of it. I don’t want to live and die for nothing.”

Chaeryeong just stared at him, the smallest hint of a smile tugging at her pink lips. And under all that softness, Taehyun felt unraveled. “There’s no shame in wanting very much to share your life with somebody. You’re allowed to do that.”

Taehyun knew that, somehow. He wanted it so bad, to shamelessly kiss Beomgyu, hug him and hold his hand whenever he felt like it. Sleep and wake up next to him, show him off to the whole world and cherish every single moment together. 

“I love you, Taehyunnie, do you know that?” she murmured, her voice softened right at the edges as he pulled him even closer.  He felt every bit of her affection and worry and suddenly Taehyun wished he had told her sooner. So that she wouldn’t have spent all these days worrying about him.

He wanted to do things right but somehow, in trying so hard to protect everyone else, he was just making everything worse. He no longer recognized himself.

“Love you too,” he mumbled back. “Sorry for worrying you.”

Chaeryeong suddenly giggled at that, her laugh vibrating through his chest. “Aigoo, this baby~ don’t apologize for that, stupid!”

Taehyun scoffed and rolled his eyes but a secret smile tugged at his lips and he knew in that moment that everything will be alright. 

He didn’t know why, but when Taehyun bid her goodnight later that evening, it almost felt like a goodbye.

Taehyun’s inner chef came back fortunately soon after. Basically the very next day. Maybe rewatching Ratatouille fifteen times finally paid off! Sure, he didn’t have a rat hiding underneath his hat, but it was still kinda the same. 

He was preparing lunch for himself, since he knew Chaeryeong would be at work till late that day. She wasn’t that great with cooking, so she’d usually rely on takeout and leave the kitchen barely used. Well, that was about to change. 

Taehyun was strangely feeling pasta, so he looked up an Italian recipe to make. Fortunately, he had all the ingredients to make a very good and saucy spaghetti. And just because he was feeling a little bit too hungry, he prepared himself some snacks too. 

Maybe his brain was too fried or his mind too scattered, but somehow, he automatically started preparing those exact same snacks he’d made at Beomgyu’s place the first time. That weird mess of yogurt and strawberries that wasn’t even that good. 

It’s like his brain had decided before his hands could do anything. 

“Am I going crazy?” he mumbled to himself, sure that he needed to get his mental health checked someday. 

Fuck, he missed him so bad. 

Especially after the day before on the couch with Chaeryeong, Taehyun hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. About how badly he wanted the whole package and yet here he was, making those stupid snacks for himself when he could’ve been making it for the love of his life instead. God, he was so fucking pathetic, wasn’t he?

“Cherry?” 

A voice suddenly called, making Taehyun jump out of his skin, almost dropping all the strawberries on the ground. 

Ryujin? It could only have been her.

Taehyun heard hurried footsteps coming rapidly, and the next second, he was facing Ryujin once again. 

“Oh, Taehyun-ssi,” she said politely, even if her voice suggested a hint of curiosity. “It’s just you?”

For a moment, Taehyun wondered if he’d been so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn’t heard Ryujin knock, but then he immediately guessed that Chaeryeong must’ve given her the door code.

“Yeah, sorry,” Taehyun answered slowly. “Chaeryeong’s at work.”

Ryujin didn’t seem too upset about it. She nodded to herself a couple of times before looking around. There was an obvious awkward tension between them. It wasn’t like they hadn’t spoken since they’d first met; actually, Taehyun found that she was very funny and liked to team up with him to tease Chaeryeong. But still, this was the first time they were in the same space alone. 

He suddenly chuckled to himself. 

Ryujin immediately raised a brow. “What’s so funny?”

Taehyun quickly dismissed it, a faint smile on his face. “Nothing. I just had a déjà vu.”

She ignored it anyway and instead of leaving the apartment, she actually walked towards him. “What are you making?”

He smiled genuinely. “Pasta for lunch,” he pointed at the boiling pot, then at the plate in front of him, “and these snacks with yogurt and strawberries.”

He’d never made them for anyone except Beomgyu. Somehow, he was always an exception for everything. Even with the silliest things such as food. Taehyun didn’t mind his own blatant favouritism. He knew exactly just how special Beomgyu was to him. He had stopped pretending otherwise a long time ago.

Ryujin didn’t notice his inner turmoil at all as she casually sat in the chair next to the table, eyeing suspiciously the plate of snacks. 

“You can eat them if you want,” Taehyun offered, making himself busy with finishing his lunch. “I made too much anyway.”

She slowly raised a single brow, like silently asking why the hell would I eat that? 

They didn’t talk for a while. Ryujin kept stealing glances at him, pretending she wasn’t blatantly watching him cook. Taehyun had the distinct impression that she wanted to say something. Like sometimes, she would open her mouth a little bit, only to close it again a second later. And she would bite down on her lower lip, almost like forcing herself not to speak. 

Taehyun choked down a laugh when she frustratingly started eating those snacks from the plate. She didn’t comment on that at all, and neither did Taehyun. Somehow, they silently agreed to pretend the whole yogurt-and-strawberry situation wasn’t happening.

“Ryujin-ssi,” he started instead, making a slight direction he wasn’t too sure about. 

He’d talked with Hueningkai. He’d talked with Chaeryeong. But those two were his best friends. Of course they would love him regardless of what he said and not judge him. Or like, giving reasonable advice and comforting hugs (well, only one of them in this case, but still). He needed a different point of view. Someone who didn’t know the whole story. Someone who wasn’t afraid to tell him the actual truth. 

Someone who wouldn’t sugarcoat it. 

“Hm?” she hummed, mouth filled with food. 

“What would you…” he stopped himself, swallowing down a lump, “sorry, this is probably going to sound stupid and completely out of nowhere.”

Ryujin didn’t look at him as she shrugged, too busy with examining the food she was very pointedly inhaling. “Just say it.”

Taehyun nodded once, torturing his hands in the meantime because he just couldn’t be able to stay still. “What would you do? If Chaerry was dating someone in your friend group? W-well, had dated. Past tense. Not anymore.”

That made Ryujin stop. She slowly lifted her head and locked eyes with a very anxious Taehyun. She resumed her chewing a whole second later.

“Uhh,” she started, a bit unsure, probably trying to search for an answer in her head first. Whatever conclusion she reached, she looked back at Taehyun with determination just a moment after. “Well, I can’t say for sure. I love Yeji and the others but… It’s Cherry. I’d give up everything if it meant being with her.”

Taehyun stared at her for a long moment. “That’s…”

 “Selfish?” Ryujin supplied.

“A very good answer.” He finished instead. 

A hint of a smile spread across Ryujin’s face, before looking down again. Taehyun’s mind, however, faced a storm of thoughts that he was unable to identify well at first. He couldn't get them in order and they almost completely overwhelmed him. Somehow, Ryujin was right. She’d thrown a glass of cold water straight into his face and forced him to open his eyes. But was that what he actually wanted? Be just a little selfish and don't think about the consequences for once? Yes. Terribly so. He couldn't waste this chance. A chance to finally be happy. To choose, for the first time in his life, himself. To put himself first. Was that really so terrible?

For a moment, he thought about Beomgyu. The look on his face when Taehyun had told him they should wait, and the way Beomgyu had promised he would wait for however long Taehyun needed. Taehyun missed him in such a devastating way he almost couldn’t breathe anymore. The sudden urge to pack his things and go home felt real and overwhelming. 

“Ryujin-ssi,” he called again, noticing as she was just about to leave the kitchen, and probably getting ready to leave the apartment since Chaeryeong wasn’t going to be home for hours. 

“Yes, Taehyun-ssi?” she stopped at the door, looking at him with the same smirk on her face. Like she knew something he didn’t. It was probably the case.

Taehyun smirked back. “You’d like him.”

“Your little puppy guy?”

I wish he was mine, he thought bitterly.

“Yeah,” Taehyun answered instead, plastering a gentle smile on his face rather than a cocky smirk. “I hope one day you’ll meet him. You two have the same chaotic energy.”

He didn’t know why he felt the urge to say that now and in such a bizarre way. But it was true. They were alike in a way that sometimes left Taehyun gasping for air.

Ryujin surprisingly giggled at that. “Well, I’d definitely like him more than you.”

Taehyun exploded in a laugh, eyes squeezing shut for just a moment. Ryujin laughed softly along with him. 

“Yeah,” he admitted, shaking his head. “That’s for sure.”

Taehyun needed not one, not two, but three people telling him to get his shit back to Seoul (well, implicitly, but the message had been pretty fucking clear). 

He knew what he needed to do now. He couldn't believe it had taken him so long to understand. Yet, being in Busan and the time that separated him from Beomgyu, gave him a wake-up call. He almost didn't remember why he’d come in the first place. He hardly remembered telling himself he was giving everyone time to process and not rush things because fuck, if Taehyun made that decision immediately, he would throw himself headlong into a still uncertain, still confused Beomgyu, into a situation full of feelings nobody had properly sorted through yet. 

He’d wanted to convince himself that things wouldn’t magically become perfect just because Beomgyu had confessed. That reality would be different from the warm, hopelessly romantic fantasies his brain kept creating for him.

He still didn’t know if running away had been the right thing. Because yes, that was exactly what he had done. He’d been a coward and ran away the moment his feelings had become too real. Maybe it had been out of fear. Fear of being judged and fear that his feelings went far beyond a simple 'I like you'.

Either way, that was partly why he was on the train now, back to Seoul, his heart in his throat. Chaeryeong hadn’t said a thing when she came back home and found the suitcases at the entrance of the door. She had smiled at him and hugged the hell out of him, making him promise to come visit again. Perhaps she knew all along that it was just a matter of time.

Taehyun hadn’t bothered saying goodbye to Ryujin, knowing fully well that conversation in the kitchen had been enough.

And now he was sitting by the train window, watching the landscape blur into shades of green and grey. Busan had given him exactly what he needed and absolutely nothing he wanted.

But it wasn’t enough. He still didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Beomgyu liked him. The sentence still felt unreal. Even after hearing it with his own ears, Taehyun couldn’t fully wrap his head around it. Every time he replayed that night in his mind, it felt less like a memory and more like something he’d made up to comfort himself.

Because how could Beomgyu look at him like that, say he’d wait, and choose him?

Taehyun pressed his forehead against the cool glass of the window and closed his eyes. 

He hadn’t told anyone he was coming home. He didn’t really want them to know. He had no idea how he was supposed to face them again after disappearing for two weeks. Okay well, it’s not like Taehyun disappeared completely, he still answered their texts. Especially from Yeonjun, the guy couldn’t seem to keep his ass from texting him constantly. Whether it was a recap of his day or a bunch of photos of his lips with some variation of I want to kiss you. A perfectly normal Yeonjun thing to do. 

During these weeks, he didn’t hear from Beomgyu once. He hadn’t texted him, and Beomgyu didn’t either. Taehyun didn’t know how he was supposed to feel about that, but he guessed he was about to find out. He sincerely hoped he didn’t hate him. He couldn’t even bear the thought without feeling nauseous. 

When the train eventually stopped at the station, Taehyun’s heart was in his throat. And when he took the bus house, the lump grew and grew and grew until it was painful. 

The moment he climbed the stairs of his building, Kang Taehyun knew that his life wouldn’t be the same from that moment. 

Because standing right at his doorstep, looking stiff and antsy, was none other than Choi Soobin.

“Hyung?” Taehyun called breathless, his heart racing in an uncomfortable way. He was scared, just a bit. 

Soobin turned at the sound of his voice, and for a moment, there was a frown on his face that quickly faded when he met Taehyun’s eyes. 

“Taehyun-ah, finally,” he smiled. 

“How did you…” he cut himself off before finishing. Of course. “Hueningkai told you, didn’t he?”

Soobin smiled sheepishly. “Yeah. Your friend texted him you were coming home and Kai immediately texted me.”

Taehyun honestly should’ve known. Chaeryeong couldn't keep anything to herself. Especially not when it involved poor, miserable Taehyun.

He nodded just once, stepping forward to put his code and open the door. He didn’t mind Soobin being here, but he wished he’d had a little more time to mentally prepare himself first. Because right now, his thoughts were still scattered, his heart beating way too quickly and absolutely no idea how to even begin the conversation.

By the time they actually sat down, the tea Taehyun had made was already getting cold. Mostly because he kept staring at his christmas mug (a gift from Beomgyu himself) while Soobin looked around the apartment like he was trying to figure out how to begin a conversation he’d probably rehearsed several times in his head already. The words were stuck, and the silence was a bit… fragile.

They were both scared to break it. 

Eventually, after what felt like five minutes straight of pure silence, Soobin sighed.

“Are you okay?” he simply asked. 

Taehyun looked up at him with his big shiny eyes and nodded once. “Yeah.”

Soobin nodded back. And that was it. For another three long minutes. Taehyun was beginning to wonder if they were going to avoid talking about it for the rest of the night, until Soobin started talking again. 

“Okay,” he said, picking up his mug and finishing what was left of his now-cold tea in one sip. He placed it back down with a quiet clink. “Let’s address the gigantic elephant in the room.”

Taehyun immediately straightened himself without even noticing. 

“Why were you so scared?”

Ah, straight to the point. Guess we’re doing it.

He deflated like a balloon and let out a humorless laugh. “Well, isn’t it pretty obvious?” but when Soobin only gave him a clueless stare, Taehyun sighed and explained better, “that’s like, the first rule of bro code. No dating your ex’s friends.”

Soobin immediately frowned. “Yeah, but this is entirely different.”

“How is this entirely different, hyung?”

Soobin looked genuinely offended that he even had been asked the question. “Me and Beomgyu were never together in the first place.”

“Oh don’t give me that, hyung.” Taehyun immediately groaned while pointing an accusing finger at him. “You two were together. You liked each other.”

Taehyun definitely hadn’t hallucinate those two months, he was pretty fucking sure. He distinctly remembered the suspicious glances between the two of them and the multiple dates. And the cheek kiss.

“No, we thought we liked each other,” Soobin explained calmly. “What do you think we were doing on our supposedly called dates?”

Taehyun made a face at that. “Ew, I really don’t want to know.”

Just the thought of Soobin and Beomgyu being all lovey-dovey on their dates and whatever potentially dirty things they might have gotten up to afterward, was more than enough to make Taehyun want to throw up his lunch. 

“Stupid.” Soobin rolled his eyes while shaking his head. “The answer is nothing. We talked and laughed like two best friends hanging out… just a little more dressed up.”

Taehyun narrowed his eyes. No, he was not going to let Soobin gaslight him to this extent. He knew what he’d seen all this time. 

“You bought him flowers.”

“Right. I did.” Soobin nodded. “Have you seen those flowers in the following days?”

Taehyun tried to remember. The vague memory of white peonies came to his mind, but only associated with Soobin holding them…

“That…” Taehyun gaped embarrassingly. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Taehyun-ah,” he sighed and leaned forward just slightly. His eyes were soft around the edges and he was wearing a small fond smile on his face. “Just listen to me for a second.”

For a moment, Taehyun was tempted to shake his head. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the whole truth because what if this proved he’d been wrong all along and that he’d spent all this time convincing himself he was doing the right thing, that he was protecting everyone, when all he’d really done was hurt himself and everyone around him? His fingers tightened around the mug. But eventually, reluctantly, Taehyun nodded.

“You have to believe me when I say there’s nothing between me and Beomgyu. Not now, and honestly, not two months ago either.”

His voice was calm and awfully genuine, making Taehyun look down at his tea, his finger hovering along the rim of the mug, tracing the edge without really feeling it. 

Meanwhile, Soobin gently continued, “I thought I liked him because it was easy. I liked spending time with him. He made me laugh. He understood me. But eventually I realized it wasn’t romantic.”

Taehyun stared quietly, trying to swallow down the lump in his throat. 

“And about the dates…” Soobin huffed a quiet laugh. “Do you really want to know what we talked about most of the time?”

Albeit incapable of thinking clearly, Taeyun tried to force out some words. “What?”

Soobin didn't miss a beat. “You.”

Taehyun just blinked at him, sure his heart just skipped a beat. “Me?”

Why would they talk about him, anyway? There was nothing particularly interesting about Taehyun.

“Yeah, you.” Soobin even pointed at him like the answer was obvious. It wasn’t. Not for someone like Taehyun. “Beomgyu talks about you constantly. Endlessly.”

A horrible warmth immediately climbed up Taehyun’s neck as his legs started wobbling a little bit. He needed to sit down right now. 

“And the thing that gave it away for me,” Soobin went on, “was that I wasn’t jealous at all.” That made Taehyun freeze in his place, and it was Soobin’s cue to continue. “I’d sit there listening to him tell me all about something stupid you two did together. Or some food you cooked. Or a conversation you had.”

Taehyun gulped. He didn’t know if he wanted Soobin to keep going anymore.

“And I didn’t mind,” he stated, smiling so softly it made Taehyun’s heart ache. He had missed Soobin so much. “Because it was you,” his shoulders lifted in a small shrug, “you’re my friend. So is Beomgyu.”

“I…” Taehyun looked down at his own hands. They were shaking a little bit. “I don’t know what to say.”

It seemed like Soobin was carrying the conversation on his back now. 

“The day you gave him that scarf,” he said quietly, “was the day I figured everything out. That you loved him and that you were aware of it. And that Beomgyu was awfully, irrevocably in love with you too but completely oblivious about it. You know how he is, he can be veeery dense with this sort of thing.” 

Despite having all the air sucked out of his lungs, Taehyun found it in him to chuckle just a little bit. Soobin followed immediately, highlighting the two deep dimples on his cheeks. 

The tension finally cracked after that. Taehyun was glad that Soobin really was an amazing person. 

“But, Hyunnie,” Soobin continued once he’d calmed down, “we talked about it. Me and Beomgyu,” his voice softened just around the edges. “We realized that whatever was happening between us was friendship.”

There was a small pause, in which Taehyun tried to recollect his thoughts and forced himself to say something. Anything, but his words seemed too caught up in his throat. 

Soobin went on again, “I didn’t know if he was aware of his feelings back then, but there’s no doubt now.” He smiled and Taehyun felt himself getting ill under the intensity of his friend’s gaze. “He needs you and he freaking loves you.”

Taehyun swallowed hard. That familiar ache in his chest grows uncomfortably. That spark of hope of Beomgyu loving him sent a fresh wave to his spine. He didn’t even know if he was still allowed to hope, at this point.

“Still…” he murmured, “there’s history between you two.”

Soobin groaned dramatically, though a hint of a smile was tugging at his lips. “Oh my God.”

Taehyun looked up at him with his huge eyes and a pout (a lethal combo if you ask Choi Soobin or literally any other person on Earth). “I mean it! I didn’t want to just start dating him like that.”

“Taehyun-ah…”

“What kind of friend would I be?”

For a moment, Soobin simply stared at him with the fondest smile on his dimpled face. Then he snorted. “You’re so stupid and sweet at the same time.”

Taehyun frowned. “Thanks?”

Soobin shrugged casually. “It’s not like me and Beomgyu kissed more than once anyway.”

The tension grew back instantly, but maybe it was all on Taehyun’s side. His shoulders slumped and his eyes tried to avoid the other, suddenly finding his pavements very fascinating.

“So you guys kissed…” 

It wasn’t like it was a secret. They were technically dating, so it was obvious that at some point they’d… kissed. The thought made something funny happen in Taehyun’s stomach. He forced himself not to be jealous. It was a silly thing, really. Totally not important. 

Soobin seemed to catch on immediately. “Yeah but like, in a total bro way!” 

Taehyun gave him a flat expression. “You can’t kiss someone in a bro way, hyung.” 

Soobin opened his mouth like a fish, struggling for a moment. Was he having a stroke or something? “You totally can! Me, Yeonjun hyung and Kai kiss all the time!”

Silence… absolute silence…

Taehyun stared… Soobin stared back…

The realization slowly settled over both of them like a freaking dinosaur in the room. “You- what?!”

Soobin blinked. “Oh… yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have said that, probably. Let’s not talk about it.”

Taehyun felt like his eyes were going to pop straight out of his orbits. “No, no. Let’s talk about it now. What the hell?! I’m going to kill Kai.”

What the fuck. What do you mean your friends had been kissing each other this entire time?!

“Don’t be homophobic, Hyunnie.”

Taehyun’s eyes widened even further as he stared at Soobin with utter disbelief. “I’m literally not?! I’m so offended he didn’t tell me!” 

Wow. He really thought he and Hueningkai didn’t have secrets. Especially after that phone call. He couldn’t believe for months he had been asking what’s new and he never thought to go with I kiss my homies sometimes?! When did this even happen? Under his nose! He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed something was up… 

Wait. Was that why Yeonjun kept sending those kissy faces in their chat? Did he want to kiss Taehyun too? What in the actual polyamorous hell was happening in his friendship group…

“That’s fair,” Soobin commented very uselessly. 

Then, a terrifying thought occurred to Taehyun's mind. 

“Does…” he narrowed his eyes, hesitating just slightly. “Does Beomgyu hyung know?”

He really didn’t want to go into details. He wasn’t sure his heart could survive the mental image of Beomgyu kissing not only Soobin but then somehow also being involved in whatever bizarre kissing ecosystem Yeonjun and Kai had apparently established. God, he was feeling like he could faint at any minute.

“Ah.” Soobin scratched his cheek pensively. “I stopped kissing them once we started dating. I told Beomgyu, though.”

Taehyun staaared. For a long, long time. With a profound judging face he didn’t even bother hiding. Soobin immediately found the ceiling fascinating. He looked anywhere but at Taehyun, lips pressed into a thin line.

Eventually, Taehyun slowly gestured around the room, vaguely. “So everyone knew. Except me.”

Soobin took so long to answer, until he couldn’t finally take it anymore. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“What the fuck.”

He couldn’t decide whether he wanted Soobin to elaborate (now that he confirmed Beomgyu wasn’t involved) or if he was too scared. 

But despite all of it, despite Busan and Beomgyu and despite the weeks of anxiety and guilt and overthinking, Taehyun found himself relaxing just a bit. For the first time since he’d gotten back to Seoul, he felt like he could finally breathe. Maybe it was because of what Soobin said. He needed to hear this from him.

He needed to hear that Soobin and Beomgyu were never romantic. Maybe they had mistaken their feelings for something more at first, but eventually, it became only a facade. And, he wouldn’t lie, but knowing that Soobin had apparently been too busy kissing the others to be particularly heartbroken over Beomgyu did something to Taehyun. It gave him that little push he needed. 

“Anyway,” Soobin resumed, trying desperately to change the subject. His cheeks were flushing a little bit. “I can assure you there’s nothing between me and Beomgyu, one hundred percent.”

Taehyun nodded just once, but then looked up at him again. “Are you sure? I hurt him, running away like that. Do you not hate me? And what if he hates me now?”

Soobin groaned. “When did you get this paranoid? You’re Mr. I-don’t-struggle, what is happening to you?”

Taehyun inevitably felt his cheeks burning. He looked away. Choi Beomgyu turned him into a weak, weak man. “I just want to make sure you’re okay with it.”

Realizing there was no other way to get through Taehyun’s thick skull, Soobin stepped forward and took him by the shoulders. Shook him a few times too. “Hyunnie, you do not need my permission to date him.”

Taehyun bit his lip. “I kinda really need it, actually.”

Soobin sighed and let his head hang low for a moment, his hands still resting on Taehyun’s shoulders. But then he went back up, a new light in his eyes. “I, Choi Soobin, hereby allow you, Kang Taehyun, to date my stupid bestie, Choi Beomgyu. Happy now?”

Taehyun felt like every last bit of air had been sucked out of his lungs. Fuck. “Yes. Thank you, Soobin hyung.”

Soobin chuckled lowly, shaking his head a little bit. They stared at each other for a moment, until he smiled (it felt very sarcastic, Taehyun would say), at the other. “This is the part where you run.”

Taehyun nodded automatically. “Yeah.” Yeah. Wait what? “Now?!”

Soobin finally let go of him. “Yes, now!”

“But- but I just got here!”

“He waited for you for two weeks,” he rolled his eyes. “How much longer do you want to keep him waiting?”

He was right. Beomgyu didn’t deserve to wait another minute. He needed to tell him… he didn’t know what exactly. But he needed to do it now, because suddenly he felt like he was going to lose him at any moment and the thought scared him to death. 

“You’re right,” he nodded to himself. “You’re right. I need to go. Fuck.”

He gathered all his things (just his keys, wallet and phone, but anyway) and ran straight to his door. Just when he was about to open it, Taehyun paused and turned. 

“Thank you, hyung.” His voice came out softer and crumbling a bit around the edges.

He didn’t need his permission, he knew that. But he needed to hear it anyway, because otherwise he wouldn’t be able to do this. He was done with hurting his friends. 

Soobin looked at him with the fondest smile before waving a hand dismissively. “Yeah, yeah. Go get your man now.”

The door shut behind him before Soobin could even finish chuckling. Taehyun stopped outside just for a second, taking a big breath, collecting his thoughts. 

Then, he started running. Down the stairs, skipping two steps at a time. The sound of his shoes hitting concrete so loud it was ringing in his ears. And when he was finally outside, the fresh air hit him straight in the face. 

He didn’t stop once. He crossed the street too quickly, almost colliding with someone and didn't even apologize properly and kept going anyway. He couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to do this, that he’d needed to distance himself with everyone to understand what he wanted. That he’d to talk to not one, not two, and not even three but four people to open his fucking eyes. 

He needed to stop overthinking. Soobin was right, what the hell was happening to him? He usually had his thoughts in check, collected properly in his mind, folded in an imaginary library with precision. But then Beomgyu had happened and Taehyun had been fucked ever since. Doomed the second he’d met him. 

He was too much of a coward to approach him at first, and too much of a coward to ask him out when things between them were fine. He lost his chance, got his heart broken. But then… did that really happen? Because somehow, it seemed like all this time, it had been Beomgyu waiting for him.

So he needed to fix this and he didn’t care if he looked like a freaking lunatic running through the streets of Seoul. He could've taken his car, but he didn’t feel like it. He needed to clear his mind before doing this. He needed to run and run and destroy himself for the love of his life. 

It felt like one of those ridiculous rom-coms where the main character suddenly realized they’re in love and immediately started running straight to them in the middle of the night. Except Taehyun knew he had been in love with Beomgyu from the moment he’d met him. And also, it wasn’t nighttime. 

The sky was changing by the second- late afternoon bleeding into something more softer and warmer. The sun sat low, casting a beautiful glow on the city, painting everything in gold that made Seoul look almost breathtaking. 

Busan felt impossibly far away now, as he ran across the streets. Not physically (well, that too, obviously), but in every other sense. It suddenly felt wrong. Like he’d been living in a pause button for two weeks and someone had finally hit play again. 

He took another turn. Then another. He didn’t know how much he’d been running when familiar streets started appearing. Corners he recognized and intersections he’d crossed without thinking a gazillions of times before, like muscle memory was dragging him forward faster than his mind could keep up. 

The sunset darkened by the time he reached Beomgyu’s neighbourhood. It was orange now, edged with dark violet. 

Thankfully, a family passed him slowly, laughing, probably going home, giving him the chance. The gate opened and Taehyun slipped inside before it could close again. 

He climbed the stairs so fast it was almost scary, arriving in front of Beomgyu’s door in a second. He knew the code, his fingers even hovered near the keypad… then he pulled them back. Beomgyu was hurt and probably mad, so maybe breaking into his apartment after two weeks of silence wasn’t exactly a fantastic idea.

He rang the bell and waited… and waited… and waited again. 

“Where are you?” he muttered to himself, fidgeting in his position. 

He fished his phone out of his pocket (it was a miracle it was still in there and didn’t fly away somewhere during his sprint). He dialed Beomgyu’s number in a second and let the phone ring for an eternity. 

“Fuck,” he cursed, putting his phone back into his pocket with a frustrated growl. “C’mon, hyung. Open up.”

Is he even home?

At first, the thought scared him a little bit, until it didn’t anymore. Of course, Beomgyu wasn’t home, and he knew exactly where he’d be instead. The realization hit him so suddenly that he almost laughed hysterically right there, in the middle of the hallway. Because there was only one place Beomgyu went when his head became too loud. Only one place he disappeared to when he needed to think. Or maybe stop thinking. 

His feet were moving before he could finish the thought. This time, he didn’t quite run- his body had already given him everything it had. Instead, he speed walked fast enough that people literally had to move out of his way. His breathing was still uneven from earlier, hair messy and ruined by the wind, and his cheeks probably all flushed. 

He probably looked ridiculous. He didn't care one bit. 

By the time he reached the park (yes, the park, where everything had started, where Beomgyu had told him he was ‘kind of’ seeing Soobin. He didn’t know back then what that really meant, but now it all made sense. It was also the same park where Taehyun had first learned that loving someone could feel both wonderful and unbearable at the exact same time), his heart was loud and the sun had sunk lower. 

His mind immediately started spiraling. What if Beomgyu isn’t here? What if he is?

He stepped through the entrance and started looking around. But it was like his eyes knew it before him, because his gaze immediately fell on him. Taehyun’s chest tightened painfully at the sight.

Beomgyu was right there, sitting on the swings, swaying back and forth in slow, lazy motions, one foot occasionally dragging against the ground to keep himself moving. His headphones covered his ears and his eyes were half-closed. He took Taehyun’s breath away. 

He wasn’t wearing the yellow scarf, but he figured it was probably too warm for it anyway.

Still, it made Taehyun stop in his tracks. He couldn’t move for a moment, too caught up in bashing in his beautiful figure. He hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed him until now. It felt like someone had finally opened a window inside his chest and now he could finally breathe again.

The sunset suddenly caught on Beomgyu’s hair beautifully, making the loose strands glow. He looked peaceful, maybe a little sad, too. Like he’d been sitting there for a long time, waiting. 

Taehyun swallowed. Seeing him like that made his heart ache in an uncontrollable, painful way. But he needed to move, to push himself forward. To stop being such a fucking coward. 

His feet finally started moving after a moment. One step, then another. Slowly and carefully, as though he were scared to approach and ruined everything. As though Beomgyu could disappear at any moment. 

The gravel crunched softly beneath his shoes, but Beomgyu didn’t react. The music must’ve been too loud.

Taehyun let out a shaky breath and continued forward, until only a few steps separated them. He stood there for a moment, trying to catch his breath. Trying to memorize the beautiful sight in front of him, while trying to convince himself that Beomgyu was real and actually here. He desperately hoped he hadn’t missed his chance.

The moment his foot landed too loud, Beomgyu’s head immediately snapped toward the sound, his eyes widening when he saw who was standing right in front of him. 

“T-taehyun?” his voice felt unsure as one side of his headphones slipped away from his ear, like he wasn’t sure if what he was seeing was real or just a figment of his imagination. “What are you doing here?”

Taehyun was still struggling to breathe. His chest hurt and so his legs. But he didn’t care at all. He only cared about the person in front of him.

“I was dying inside,” the confession slipped away before he could stop it. He couldn't help it. His voice sounded rough from the running, too. “These two weeks… were torture for me. I don’t wanna live another day without you, Beomgyu. Not another second. I don’t wanna run away anymore.”

The swing creaked just softly beneath Beomgyu’s weight while his fingers tightened around the chains. “I…”

“I know you’re mad,” Taehyun rushed on. “I’m so, so sorry.”

He needed to say it before all his cowardice could eat him alive. 

“Taehyun-”

“I thought I needed time to figure everything out, but I shouldn’t have done it like that,” he continued. It pained him terribly how much he’d hurted him running away like that. 

For a moment, Beomgyu only stared at him, his brows slightly furrowed but not in confusion. The sunset was dipping low and casted a beautiful glow on his face, and Taehyun felt himself falling in love all over again. He couldn’t believe someone this beautiful existed and that it was right in front of him. 

“Taehyun,” he started slowly. Taehyun wished, absurdly, that he could get drunk on nothing but the sound of his own name coming from Beomgyu’s mouth. “I’m not mad at you for wanting time alone.”

Taehyun blinked. He did say he’d wait for him, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t be hurtful. And Taehyun did hurt him. “Then…?”

A small sigh escaped Beomgyu as he looked away. “You never told me, Taehyun. You just disappeared,” his voice was impossibly small as his gaze dropped to the ground. “I stopped myself from texting you because I thought, well maybe that’s just what he wants. Sure, it’s fine. But I wished you’d told me before disappearing completely for two weeks.”

The guilt hit Taehyun so hard it nearly made him nauseous. It gnawed at his stomach so damn painfully. 

“I know. I know, I’m so sorry,” he swallowed thickly, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat that made it impossible for him to breathe properly. “Did Kai tell you where I was?”

The thought of Beomgyu spending two weeks not even knowing where he’d gone or if he was safe… Taehyun didn’t even want to think about how much he’d worried him. 

“No.”

“No?”

Beomgyu shook his head, his eyes still not quite meeting Taehyun’s. “I didn’t want to know.”

“Why?” Taehyun whispered, his voice barely above a thin of breath. 

At the question, Beomgyu finally looked up. His hands clenched around the chains of the swing.

“You wanted space so I gave you space.”

Taehyun closed his eyes for a moment. He would never forgive himself for this. He felt so awful and horrible that he swore in that moment he would never hurt his Beomgyu hyung again. The pain in his eyes made Taehyun feel so vulnerable his legs started wobbling a little bit.

“I feel awful, Beomgyu hyung,” he voiced his thoughts. “I spent two weeks in Busan with my head full of thoughts and god, how much I wanted to text you. How much I wished you were there with me.”

Every time the absence felt too unbearable he would open his contact list and his thumb would hover over Beomgyu’s name. But he never called. Never felt brave enough to do that, because he didn’t think he deserved it. He was the one who had run away. 

Something softened in Beomgyu’s expression. The disappointment remained, but it wasn’t as sharp anymore. 

“Well, you never gave me the opportunity.” He shrugged one shoulder, and the smallest hint of a sad smile appeared on his lips. “Who cares at this point?”

“I care.” The answer was immediate. Because of course it did. “I’ve always cared about you and I always will. There’s no excuse for what I did.”

Beomgyu looked away first. “It’s whatever.”

Taehyun’s brows furrowed at that. “It’s not whatever.”

How could he say that? Taehyun took another step closer, the gravel crunching softly beneath his shoes. “You didn’t deserve that. It’s completely fine if you’re mad at me.”

“Taehyun,” Beomgyu said, this time almost sounding exasperated. “I’m not mad at you.”

Why? You should be. You should hate me and tell me I was wrong and probably slap me in the face too. He didn’t say any of that.

“You’re not?”

A tiny smile tugged at Beomgyu’s lips. Taehyun had missed that tiny smile more than anything. 

“I could never be mad at you,” he whispered, though it didn’t sound quiet at all. It came loud and garish to his ears. “That’s like, physically impossible to me.”

Taehyun felt his heart stutter. Even after all this time, the feeling exactly was the same. Even deeper and agonizing. 

“I guess I was just…” Beomgyu continued, looking down at his hands. “Paranoid. Maybe a little bit disappointed.”

Taehyun was mildly confused. “Why paranoid?”

Beomgyu let out a helpless sound that vaguely resembled a laugh. “You know why.”

Yeah. Taehyun did know. Still, hearing him say it was different.

“You thought I went to Busan to what, try to forget you?”

Even the thought alone was just absurd, but Beomgyu’s silence was answer enough. “Absolutely not.” He shook his head immediately. “Beomgyu, no matter how hard I try, I could never ever be able to forget you.”

He lied. Because he had never tried once. He couldn’t do that to himself, really. He’d thought about it a lot, mostly to protect Beomgyu’s relationship with Soobin. But he would rather hurt himself a thousand times than stop loving Beomgyu. He cherished his love, tucked close to his heart. 

His voice grew softer. “I could never stop loving you.”

The tips of Beomgyu’s ears immediately turned pink. Taehyun loved it so incredibly much he wanted to kiss them, just like Beomgyu had done at his birthday party. 

“That’s… nice,” he mumbled, making Taehyun almost laugh. Cute.

“I didn’t want to be with you when I hadn’t given us some time first,” Taehyun said firmly. “I didn’t want to rush things. I wanted to give Soobin hyung some time, too, because I don’t think I would’ve been able to face him while holding your hand.”

It didn’t matter that there had never been anything romantic between Soobin and Beomgyu. Taehyun wouldn’t do that to his friend.

The swing moved slightly when Beomgyu shifted, leaning a bit forward to him automatically. “What changed?”

Taehyun let out a soft sigh, feeling like he could breathe again. “You mean beside the part where Soobin hyung basically kicked my ass for hurting you just thirty minutes ago?”

That earned a startled laugh from Beomgyu. The most beautiful sound in Taehyun’s ears. 

“Well,” he went on, now smiling just a little bit, “the realization that I wanted this more than anything.”

The words felt terrifying and freeing at the same time. His heart started beating so fast in his chest he didn’t know how to handle it. It made his legs start shaking as well so he just… kneeled. He dropped onto his knees right in front of Beomgyu. He didn’t care if the gravel mixed with grass was a bit wet and uncomfortable. Didn’t care that his pants were probably going to stain. 

“I want you so badly it’s killing me.”

Beomgyu’s eyes widened. He was looking down at Taehyun now, his mouth hanging a little open. 

“I just didn’t want to live and die for nothing, without ever giving us a chance.” Taehyun continued because he just couldn’t stop himself. His throat tightened again just a little. “I want to fight for you. Properly this time.”

The smile on Beomgyu’s face slowly disappeared. Not because he was upset or anything, he looked actually overwhelmed, like he didn’t quite know what emotion was happening in his mind. His legs started trembling a little bit, his fingers tightening again around the chains once again. 

Noticing that (because Taehyun always noticed everything about Beomgyu), he placed both of his hands over Beomgyu’s knees, firmly stopping them from trembling. His thumbs began moving in small, soothing circles, almost instinctively helping him find his balance again.

“I don’t wanna be a coward anymore,” he then whispered, because the words didn’t need to be loud. 

For a moment, neither of them spoke. The wind moved Beomgyu’s bangs gently, and when they got over his eyes, Taehyun promptly used a hand to tuck it behind his ear carefully, before returning his palm to his knee. 

Beomgyu kept looking at him the whole time like he was seeing him for the very first time. He stared at him with a new glint in his eyes for so many seconds. Then, unexpectedly, his gaze dropped straight to his knees, where Taehyun was still making small circles with his fingers.  

“Honestly,” he started quietly, “I thought you realized I wasn’t worth it.”

The words felt almost like he was joking, but Taehyun knew him better. He perfectly heard the insecurity underneath his words immediately and his chest ached for it. 

“No,” Taehyun’s answer came so fast there wasn’t even room for doubt. He shook his head and repeated it again. “No. Never.”

Beomgyu bit his upper lip at that, a habit Taehyun knew all too well. 

“I’m sorry for what I said that night,” Beomgyu swallowed thickly, his prominent Adam's apple bobbing visibly. Taehyun had always liked it, especially compared to his. He tried not to think about it now. 

Instead, his expression softened a little bit. “Please don’t apologize.”

There was no need to, especially since Beomgyu had nothing to apologize for. 

“I want to,” Beomgyu insisted instead, raising his head a little and looking at Taehyun with intense eyes. Taehyun felt his guilt for the words he said that night, for the way he raised his voice and made Taehyun feel that way. 

“And I should’ve told you about me and Soobin hyung sooner,” he continued. Taehyun shook his head once again.

“It’s okay,” he tried to reassure. 

“It’s not okay, though.”

For a moment, Taehyun didn’t answer. He figured this was a reflection of Taehyun’s many ways to go through this. He spoke with his friends and with Soobin. He’d had people to help him sort through every ugly, confusing part of what had happened. But Beomgyu hadn’t spoken to anyone. He’d only needed to talk with Taehyun and Taehyun hadn’t been there. 

“It is now,” Taehyun said quietly after a beat. Letting him know. 

Of course it was okay now, because Beomgyu was here. They were both here. And they were talking and neither of them was running away anymore. Beomgyu looked down at him and whatever he found on Taehyun’s face seemed to make something settle inside him. It also gave Taehyun a push to continue. 

“I love you too much to let you go.”

The words landed directly in the center of Beomgyu’s chest, stealing away his breath. He gasped softly and suddenly he didn’t quite know how to exist properly inside his own body anymore. 

“I can’t stand the thought of you slipping away from me,” Taehyun went on, and the honesty in his voice made Beomgyu’s eyes turn glossy just a little bit. He tried to blink the tears away, but they kept remaining there, threatening to spill at any moment. 

Perhaps, it was time for Taehyun to unlock another one of his deep fears that had made him so reluctant to come back. 

“And I was so…” he laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. It was burning underneath his fingers, “scared.”

Beomgyu immediately frowned, his glossy eyes turning huge and full of something overwhelming. “Scared?”

Taehyun took a moment to answer before nodding slowly. “That you started liking me only because you found out about the scarf.”

The revelation felt awkward and a bit embarrassing, and if his hands weren’t already occupied with Beomgyu’s knees, he probably would’ve used them to hide his burning face. He hated admitting something so vulnerable. 

“I wanted to give you some time to actually think about it,” his gaze met Beomgyu’s and then he added, “to figure out if what you feel about me is real.”

Beomgyu looked at him with his mouth hanging slightly open and the expression of someone who would donate his own heart for him. Are you crazy? Beomgyu wanted to say. 

“It’s very real,” he said instead, the words coming out quiet yet firm, like there was no time to joke right now. “Yes, I realized it after the scarf, but it was way before that. I think I’ve always liked you, Taehyun,” a fond smile tugged at his lips and made Taehyun’s heartbeat go insane. “I was just so dense and then I got so upset with myself for not realizing it sooner.”

Taehyun couldn’t stop staring, at the way the tears in Beomgyu’s eyes caught the light, reflecting on his beautiful long lashes. Couldn’t stop listening to the words he thought they sounded like pure honey rather than actual words. And couldn’t stop feeling like maybe the world truly found a way to tilt sideways. Was his head, perhaps, spinning just a little bit?

But still, he couldn’t help but ask, “are you sure?”

It wasn’t… insecurity. He didn’t quite know what it was. But he needed to hear it fully, like this was reality and not a dream. He pinched Beomgyu’s skin lightly just to make sure he was real and not just a figment of his imagination. 

Beomgyu actually didn’t answer for a second, but he started smiling. A real, actual smile that made Taehyun stop functioning. He’d missed it so fucking much he couldn’t believe he was the one who did that. He wanted to become the funniest person alive if it meant keeping that smile on Beomgyu’s face forever.

Before Taehyun could say something, Beomgyu leaned forward, and reached slowly. Two warm hands suddenly cupped his face, his palms settling against Taehyun’s cheeks, caressing them so softly and carefully he almost melted right there on the spot.

“Taehyunnie,” the nickname sounded only unfair coming from him right now. Affectionate and delicate and so, so dangerous. Taehyun leaned into the touch immediately. 

They looked at each other directly into their eyes. No avoiding or misunderstanding. Just the pure, sweet certainty of the truth. 

“I really like when you’re beside me and how you’re cold yet warm,” he carried on sweetly, determined. Taehyun’s heart threatened to climb out of his chest, “I like how you look at me in a certain way. And you make me smile.”

Beomgyu’s thumbs brushed lightly against his burning cheeks and he smiled at that, realizing he was the one doing that. “Or you say something that makes me laugh and then I go home and think about it later, and I smile and laugh all over again.”

His smile widened. “I really like that.”

Something inside Taehyun definitely melted like eating ice cream left outside in the pure heat of July. He didn’t even know if his heart was still beating in his chest.

The words slipped out of his mouth before he could think of them, “I love making you laugh. I love your laugh.”

Beomgyu’s eyes softened and a sweet urge to eliminate any distance between them came so suddenly to him. 

“I love your laugh too,” he said, moving his thumbs all over Taehyun’s face, like he was caressing him like a delicate flower. His finger brushed over his lips and he smiled. “You have these cute little shark teeth,” his finger moved again, now finding his left cheek and lingering there for more than a second, “and this devastating dimple.”

Heat flooded Taehyun’s face embarrassingly fast. Even his ears were flushing red and he felt them burning underneath Beomgyu’s touch (yes, somehow he managed to caress even those as well, a new discovering habit of his). 

“You have no idea how much I love your face, Tyun.”  

Love. He used love. 

The word echoed loudly somewhere deep inside Taehyun, making him smile and reveal the single dimple Beomgyu loved so much. This time, neither of them looked away.

“Gyu hyung,” Taehyun whispered at some point. Beomgyu hummed in response. “What do you want to do now?”

The answer lied close to their hearts, close enough to reach it and finally reveal it. There was no need to pretend now. No one judging them. Only the two of them, alone in a quiet park at night, drinking in each other’s fond and loving gazes. 

“I’d say go home and eat because I’m starving,” he replied lightly, earning a soft laugh from the other. God, how much Beomgyu loved that sound. He was so right. His shark teeth were the cutest in the world.

“But that would be a lie,” he finished. He was starving, but he really couldn’t care less now, especially when in front of him was a beautiful boy who may or may not have been staring shamelessly at his lips. 

“Tell me the truth, then,” Taehyun said in a hushed tone. His voice was like honey and almost drove Beomgyu insane. 

“I want you to kiss me.” 

Beomgyu could swear he saw Taehyun’s pupils widening at his words.

Kang Taehyun had always imagined his first kiss with Beomgyu. Ever since Soobin had introduced him to their friend group, he’d been fantasizing about his lips and how Beomgyu’s longish and soft hair would feel underneath his fingers. He had thought about kissing Beomgyu a lot, but he’d never actually known how it would happen or in which scenario. He never thought it would even happen at all after the situationship with Soobin. 

But Beomgyu was looking at him now. Really looking at him. His eyes wide and his expression soft and demanding and impatient. Taehyun thought briefly about how a beautiful picture he’d make. If Beomgyu were a picture, Taehyun would probably spend the rest of his life looking at it.

But Beomgyu was a real person and was looking at him and was waiting because he wanted Taehyun to kiss him. He wanted them to kiss, not because he pitied Taehyun after that stupid message in the scarf, but because he liked- loved him. 

Of fucking course, Taehyun wanted to kiss him too. 

And so he leaned forward slowly, tilting his head up just slightly to meet Beomgyu’s lips. He tightened his grip around the other’s knees as the distance between them finally ceased to exist. Taehyun immediately felt his chest filling up with warmth. At the same time, Beomgyu reached out and grabbed Taehyun’s shirt, pushing him toward him, trying to feel him more. 

The kiss was soft and not rushed at all. Taehyun eventually opened his mouth and started to trace the heart-shaped bow of Beomgyu’s lips with his tongue, the motion so gentle it made Beomgyu’s cheeks turn a beautiful shade of pink. 

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since that cold night, Beomgyu had kissed the corner of his stupid mouth and walked away and Taehyun had been too much of a coward to run after him. And now here they were, finally reunited after so long, their hearts close and touching, lips pressed against each other as warmth seemed to radiate from every point where they touched. For Taehyun, kissing Beomgyu felt like kissing the sun. The sweet taste of his mouth was like pure drugs from him, a drug he’d never want to stop taking. 

For Beomgyu, kissing Taehyun was like taking the first breath after being underwater too long, or standing too close to something warm and not stepping back. No one had ever treated him like this, so gentle and caring, like he was something fragile. And Beomgyu wasn’t fragile at all, but there was something incredibly comforting about being handled delicately sometimes. Would he be too selfish to admit that he deserved it? 

His hand then drifted to Taehyun’s shoulder, the other resting against his cheek. It was burning underneath his touch, but he couldn't be the one to talk, especially when his legs were starting to feel like jelly if Taehyun kept touching there. God, he didn’t know if he could survive doing this again. Surprisingly, though, he realized he’d like to do this forever.

Taehyun tilted his head again at some point so that he could really kiss the other, and it quickly escalated into something wetter and so fucking hotter it made Beomgyu’s head spinning. He sighed happily against his lips and let out an embarrassing noise right after, which Taehyun promptly swallowed with another kiss and then proceeded to smile because hell, he would kiss him every single second if it meant hearing those little happy noises again.  

When they separate for lack of oxygen (certainly not because of choice), they look into each other’s eyes before smiling. Taehyun looked so absurdly happy, grinning like a fool because holy shit, he’d just kissed Beomgyu!!! It wasn’t a simple kiss to his ear or in the corner of his mouth, but a real, hot kiss. It was a thousand times better than any fantasy Taehyun could have thought. 

“Why are you kissing me like that…” Beomgyu found himself murmuring, his lips red and messy from the kisses. “So unfair.”

That made Taehyun giggle, finally reaching out and tucking a strand of hair behind Beomgyu’s ear. His hand lingered right there, holding him close. 

“I’m sorry,” he smiled. “Did you not like it?”

Beomgyu looked a bit dazed, but the moment Taehyun said those words, he immediately regained a bit of clarity. His mouth curved into a little smile, a smile Taehyun knew all too well. It was shaped like a little v, turning Beomgyu’s expression a bit silly and approximately ten times cuter.

“I didn’t,” he answered, tilting his head to the side. “Maybe you should do that again so that I can change my mind.”

And so he did. He kissed Beomgyu again, and again, and again, until he could barely breathe anymore. He left kisses all over his face, peppering him and drinking from Beomgyu’s happy noises. 

“Changed your mind already?” he murmured as he trailed his jaw with soft, wet kisses that made the other shiver, and Taehyun grinned. 

“Fuck,” he whimpered, tightening his grip on Taehyun’s shoulders. 

Taehyun left one last deep, intense kiss before pulling away just a little. He admired Beomgyu for a moment, just looking at the man he loved into his own arms, smiling fondly at him. 

“We should probably go,” he said then, caressing Beomgyu’s swollen upper lip with his thumb (I’m the one who did that!). “Don’t want us to get arrested for indecency.”

Beomgyu let out a sudden laugh, beautiful and breathless after all those kisses. He ducked his head for only a moment like he was trying to hide how ridiculous happy he was. Taehyun laughed along, admiring the beautiful sound at the same time. It felt strange just a little, laughing this easily after weeks of feeling like his chest had been tied into tight knots. It felt freeing, in a way.

They got up a few seconds later, Beomgyu immediately reaching for his hand as naturally as breathing. He looked down at their intertwined fingers for a moment, smiling to himself before giving their joined hand a tiny swing. 

“Let’s go home,” he smiled.

Taehyun looked at their hands and his heart made a little flip. Just an hour ago he would’ve been terrified. Just an hour ago he didn't even know if Beomgyu was still waiting for him like he’d said. But he was, and now, all he could think about was that it felt wonderfully right. He’d never want to let go. 

“By the way…” Taehyun started at some point. They were walking towards Beomgyu’s house, the sky had gotten dark and you could’ve seen the stars. “What was that about Soobin hyung and the others?”

Beomgyu looked up at him confused for a moment, but the second he saw Taehyun’s slightly disgusted face, recognition immediately kicked in. “Oh my god. I know, right?! They need to figure their shit out.”

Taehyun closed his eyes for a moment, trying to erase the terrifying mental image of those three together, and shook his head fervently. He couldn't believe he hadn’t noticed before, especially considering how much the hyungs loved taking care of their maknae, and sometimes, in a very creepy and all-too-romantic way. 

“I can’t believe everyone knew except me,” he pouted, throwing a rock with his foot. He almost huffed like a petulant child, but he wouldn’t do that now, especially not in front of Beomgyu. 

“You didn’t know?” Beomgyu raised a brow. “I thought Kai…”

“No,” Taehyun confirmed, rolling his eyes. “That little bastard told me nothing.”

There was just a beat of silence, in which Taehyun glanced sideways at Beomgyu only to find out he was trying to suppress a laugh. 

“Aww, poor baby~,” he cooed, giggling as Taehyun gently slapped away the hand that was coming toward his face to, most probably, mock him.

“Stop it.”

“For someone who claimed to be so good at reading people, I can’t believe you missed the fact that the three of them are… whatever that is.”

Taehyun groaned, dragging a hand over his face. “I was distracted, okay?”

“By what?” 

He didn’t hesitate for a second. “You.”

Of course, the moment he said that, Beomgyu looked up at him with glowing eyes and pink cheeks, but it only took him a few seconds before starting to look entirely too pleased with himself.

“Correct answer,” he grinned cheekily, bumping their shoulders together. 

Taehyun scoffed, though he couldn’t hide the smile tugging at his lips. He deliberately stopped walking, making Beomgyu look at him in confusion, before gently pulling him closer and closing the distance between them once again.

Beomgyu let out the smallest gasp, startled for just a moment before quickly recovering and kissing him back. This time, his arms wrapped happily around Taehyun’s neck, completely engulfing him in a hug, while Taehyun’s hands found their way to his waist almost instantly, as if they’d always belonged there.

You’re going to be the death of me, Choi Beomgyu. But seriously, what had he done so right in his previous life to deserve this? He must have discovered the cure for every illness in the world or personally put the stars in the sky because well, surely no one else could possibly be as lucky as he was, having the privilege to hold someone as precious as Beomgyu in his arms like that, and kissing him whenever he pleased. How had he gotten this lucky? 

Eventually, they pulled away, but not completely. Neither of them made any effort to move. 

“Taehyunnie,” he murmured, his arms still wrapped around him. He’d never want to let him go. 

Taehyun hummed in response. “Hm?”

 “Aren’t you going to ask me?” 

Once again, that little v smile appeared on his lips, making Taehyun understand immediately. He tilted his head then, pretending to think about it even if his heart was probably about two seconds away from exploding in his ribcage.

“Should I?”

Beomgyu lightly smacked his shoulder. “Yah.”

Taehyun just laughed, unable to hold the act any longer. He cleared his throat a bit dramatically before tightening his grip around Beomgyu’s waist. 

“Beomgyu hyung,” he started, making Beomgyu immediately grin stupidly, “...would you do me the incredible honour of being my boyfriend?”

Beomgyu bit his lip to stop himself from letting out the biggest smile on his face. “Stupid.”

He leaned forward to steal another quick kiss before pulling away. His eyes softened at the edges. 

“Of course,” he smiled. “I’d really love it.”

When Soobin first found out his friends were finally together, he cried. 

He’d obviously lied and claimed he absolutely had not and insisted that ‘it wasn’t that serious’, except Kai felt so embarrassed for him that he just had to record the whole thing and then proceed to blackmail him with it ever since. It had been two months and yet Kai still had Soobin wrapped around his little fingers with ease. 

Beomgyu also cried that day. Not because he was emotional (that too, to be fair), but mostly because, for the first time in a long while, he felt completely free to express himself fully and knowing that someone not too far from him was loving him exactly the way he was. Maybe even more because of all those things, especially if they got to be weird together, on the rare occasion when Beomgyu insisted on dragging his boyfriend around while shopping, forcing him to try on the most questionable outfits imaginable before laughing so hard that employees eventually had to kick them out. Which happened far more often than Taehyun would ever admit. 

Even so, now that they officially got together, Taehyun still wasn’t particularly good with public displays of affection. Not because he didn’t want them- quite the opposite actually, because when it was just the two of them, it was easier. Taehyun actually loved to be all over Beomgyu, always finding excuses to touch him, fixing his hair or pulling him closer whenever they sat together. And Beomgyu, of course, was even worse. 

But it was actually because whenever the others were around, and every time Beomgyu would lace their fingers together in front them, there was still a flicker of awareness in Taehyun’s chest that he just couldn’t shake away; Soobin’s face, that conversation in his kitchen, the weight of what used to be between him and Beomgyu (even though he knew now that it wasn’t as romantic as he thought). 

He knew, and he tried hard not to let it get into his head too much, and he was still learning, little by little. Letting Beomgyu lean against him without glancing toward Soobin first, or not pulling away when their shoulders press together at lunch. 

Beomgyu never pushed. He simply waited like he always had, as if he knew Taehyun would eventually find a way and come closer on his own. And eventually, in the end, he always did. 

Aside from that, there was one other thing that had changed their lives. Something Yeonjun hated an awful lot. 

“You need to be stopped,” he’d said one afternoon, his hands planted firmly on Taehyun’s shoulders, looking up to him with fierce and demanding eyes. “I know you’re whipped as fuck, but please, spare the rest of us from… that.”

And now entering Choi Beomgyu in all his heavenly beauty, with a dazzling smile on his face and… a brand-new pair of bright orange gloves. 

Okay, listen. Taehyun knew it was embarrassing, especially because he wasn’t exactly a knitting prodigy and one time he even managed to make a glove with six fingers instead of five… but Beomgyu had worn it anyway, even proudly calling them contemporary fashion. Not only did he adore them dearly (‘Because you made it, Tyunnie!’) but he also insisted on displaying each new creation to every single one of their friends as though Taehyun had personally designed the latest Chanel collection. 

And well, maybe Taehyun just loved watching Beomgyu’s beautiful face light up every time he handed him something new. A silly strawberry hat next. Another scarf - strictly as colorful because apparently Beomgyu was physically incapable of wearing anything remotely boring. 

… That was before Yeonjun begged him to knit him a plain brown scarf because, “He’ll wear it just because you made it! Please, save his wardrobe.”

“And our eyes,” Kai added very unhelpfully. 

And now, Beomgyu slowly learned to wear other colors too. But well, it was never really about the colors anyway. 

Because hidden inside every hat, every scarf, every pair of gloves, there was always a tiny message sewn into the lining. Sometimes it was something ridiculously cheesy and romantic, other times the message was so stupid that Beomgyu would laugh until he cried. 

He still kept every single one of them like they were the most precious things he owned. 

And somewhere along the way, everything slowly began falling into place. The awkwardness was fading rapidly, the doubts into Taehyun’s mind had quieted and the people Taehyun loved somehow kept finding reasons to always gather together. This time, it happened to be at a karaoke bar, a decision that, in hindsight, should’ve worried everyone the second Beomgyu announced it. 

“I’m next,” he said excitedly, literally vibrating with anticipation. He was seconds away from jumping around, if it wasn’t for Taehyun’s arms holding him closely and firmly by the waist.

“What song did you choose?” Yeonjun asked, sipping his drink. They were all standing around a high table, their drinks taking up nearly every available inch of space.

For Taehyun’s immense joy, they weren’t just the usual five of them. Without his knowledge, Beomgyu had also invited Chaeryeong and Ryujin, knowing from Taehyun that they were staying in the city for a few days. 

Taehyun hadn’t had the courage to invite them because he’d assumed they’d be tired from traveling. So he was rightfully shocked when he saw his best friend walking toward them with her (finally) girlfriend, both wearing huge smiles on their faces. He immediately turned to Beomgyu with wide eyes, to which his boyfriend replied with a fond smile, knowing how much their presence meant to him.

As expected, Chaeryeong immediately clicked with Yeonjun and Soobin. She got into a long conversation about dance with the oldest that seemed unlikely to end anytime soon. And Ryujin… just like Taehyun said, she got way too along with Beomgyu. She completely stole him from Taehyun!

They talked about literally anything and they matched each other’s energy far too well. It was almost unbearable to watch, but deep down, Taehyun was so happy that the two of them, and also the others as well, all got along together. 

“Please, no Justin Bieber,” Ryujin complained at Yeonjun’s question. Then she looked straight at Taehyun and even pointed at him. “You made my ears bleed.”

Taehyun immediately flushed red at the implications. Sparks of memories of him blasting Justin Bieber at full volume in Chaeryeong’s spare room while crying because his love for Beomgyu was too consuming, appeared into his mind with full force. 

Thankfully, none of the others seemed to understand the reference, mostly because the music was so loud they had barely heard her. Still, Taehyun made sure to send her a murderous glare, to which she only giggled about it in response.

“It’s a surprise!” Beomgyu exclaimed then, grinning widely as he waited (not so) patiently for his turn.

All six of them simultaneously sighed when Beomgyu finally climbed onto the stage and the first note of Careless Whispers started playing. Hueningkai had his phone out before Beomgyu had even opened his mouth. 

Taehyun held back a chuckle when Beomgyu’s hand rested dramatically over his chest while the other clutched the microphone like he was about to profess his undying love in front of a whole stadium instead of roughly forty people- all of which started immediately applauding when Beomgyu started singing the first lyrics. 

Of course, Beomgyu ate it up the whole performance like he had rent to pay. He also started singing with eyes closed, pointing at random people as if they could understand the tragedy he was singing about. He even dropped to his knees at some point, reaching dramatically toward the ceiling. 

“There’s no comfort in the truth… paaain is aaall you’ll find…”

Yeonjun looked physically ill. He kept covering his eyes every time Beomgyu did something ridiculous. The others all laughed uncontrollably, while Hueningkai still hadn't lowered his phone once.

God, Choi Beomgyu was ridiculous and loud and so embarrassingly theatrical… and somehow, watching him like that on stage made Taehyun’s chest feel warm and stupidly happy. Beomgyu had always lived his life with his whole heart, throwing every single ounce of himself into everything he did, no matter how silly he looked. Taehyun loved that part of him with incredible fondness. 

He loved all of him. 

… Except maybe right now. Because right when the post-chorus ended, he opened his eyes like he was a man on a mission and pointed his eyes directly into Taehyun’s. 

“Oh no,” Taehyun murmured under his breath. 

Beomgyu’s sly grin widened and the next lyrics- the infamous bridge- came out of his mouth with so much emotion, his fingers extending dramatically toward Taehyun. Unfortunately, all forty pairs of eyes followed. 

“Oh my god.”

Without another word, he leaned sideways and attempted to hide behind Hueningkai. His broad shoulders covered him a little bit, but that bastard of his best friend didn’t do shit to cover him entirely, far too pleased to entertain Beomgyu and not letting this big moment go unnoticed. 

“You know I can’t protect you,” Kai laughed, glancing over his shoulder. 

“Shut up!” Taehyun hissed between his teeth. “Can’t believe he’s doing this to me…” 

In front of all these people, too! On stage, Beomgyu was still singing and pointing in his direction, looking almost betrayed that his beloved kitty meow meow was hiding from him. 

“But now, who’s gonna dance with meee?” He whined into the microphone. “Taehyunnie, please staaaay!”

The bar exploded with another round of applause and laughter. Taehyun prayed really hard that the floor would suddenly open and swallow him whole. But even then, even if Beomgyu was embarrassing him in front of all these random people, he still peeked over Hueningkai’s shoulders and when he caught Beomgyu beaming at him like he was the only person in the entire room, he just couldn’t help but smile. 

When Beomgyu came back from his performance, he immediately launched himself all over Taehyun. 

“How was it? Did I sing well?” he smiled widely, holding Taehyun’s arms. 

“You’re insane,” Taehyun mumbled back, his cheeks probably still red from earlier. 

Beomgyu laughed and called him cute. He didn’t care that he’d just declared his love openly for everyone to hear. If Beomgyu had his way, he would shout it to the whole world through a megaphone. Of course, he also knew that if he did that, Taehyun would probably never leave the house again.

“Beomgyu-ah,” Ryujin chuckled. “You were awesome!”

Of course Ryujin would think that. Of course, Taehyun thought, she’d love everything that would remotely make him embarrassed to death. He not so secretly rolled his eyes at her as Beomgyu was flashing her a huge grin at the same time..

The next performance was a heartbreaking solo from Hueningkai, and the one after that was an edm version of a sentimental song performed by none other than Soobin. Taehyun did not know he had that kind of craziness in him. 

At some point, Chaeryeong was the one turning towards him. “Taehyun!”

“Hm?”

She smiled brightly. “Let’s make a duet.”

Didn’t need to be told twice. 

Unlike earlier performances, the two of them wisely chose a relatively safer option. The moment The Feels by Twice started playing, their little audience erupted into cheers. If Twice had one fan, that would be Kang Taehyun. If Twice had zero fans, Kang Taehyun would be underground, pulverized, very much dead.

The moment the first verse began, the two of them fell into it effortlessly. No one else knew, but since they were little, they'd rehearsed this specific song endlessly. They’d sing it during car rides, late-night conversations, dinner. They knew every second of it by heart. And by the chorus, Chaeryeong was already dancing a little bit, slipping into those steps she’d invented when she was younger. Taehyun knew them as well, but at first he didn’t dare move…

… until she grabbed his wrist and forced him through the choreography anyway, making the room explode. 

“Get it, Taehyun!” 

It was, without a doubt, Yeonjun. Taehyun heard Soobin and Kai cheer as well, clapping and whistling like maniacs. But on the right end of the table, Beomgyu and Ryujin were the loudest. 

Ryujin was laughing and yelling and Beomgyu was bouncing in his place like a spring. Taehyun rolled his eyes while spinning around like a princess in Chaeyreong’s arms, but he couldn’t stop himself from laughing along too. 

It was moments like this that made Taehyun’s heart explode from happiness. Being surrounded by his friends was the most beautiful gift anyone had ever given him. They were his greatest joy. In the middle of it, he caught himself cheesing so hard his cheeks started to ache, thinking he wouldn’t mind doing this forever.

When the song finally ended, the room burst into loud cheers once again. Taehyun took Chaeryeong’s hand and together they bowed dramatically. When he straightened up again, his eyes instinctively found Beomgyu immediately.

He wasn’t cheering like everyone else anymore. Instead, he was simply looking at him with the biggest and fondest smile tugging at his lips. The purple light caught his beautiful face and for a brief moment, Taehyun forgot how to function properly. It made his heart beat louder than any applause ever could.

He couldn’t believe it was possible for him to fall in love with Beomgyu any deeper than he already had, but he had.  

“You guys were great!” Yeonjun cheered as they made their way back to the table. To be honest, Taehyun barely even registered walking off the stage. His attention was still fully on Beomgyu, who was looking back at him with the same soft smile.

Taehyun was a complete sucker for that smile. It crinkled his nose cutely, making his eyes almost disappear into little crescents. His whisker dimples were also impossible not to stare at and impossible not to love deeply. 

He wondered briefly if he’d survived seeing it every day for the rest of his life. He realized it wasn’t such a bad thing at all. 

His heart was still beating fast in his ribcage when Beomgyu laughed and leaned closer. 

“Tyunnie, I didn’t know you-”

Beomgyu never got to finish that sentence because Taehyun suddenly reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers together and gently started tugging him away toward the door. 

“What-?” Beomgyu blinked in confusion, letting his boyfriend drag him around without much resistance. 

“Taehyun?!” Hueningkai called after them.

“We’ll be back!” Taehyun yelled automatically, already halfway out of the bar. 

He didn’t hesitate at all when he pushed the door open and stepped into the cool evening air, Beomgyu stumbling after him with a breathless laugh. He wasn’t used to it at all, but he didn’t really mind. Beomgyu discovered he didn’t mind anything Taehyun did. 

“Taehyun,” he said, confused and slightly out of breath. “What’s going on-”

Once again, Beomgyu didn’t get to finish his sentence because Taehyun pushed him gently against the nearest wall, cupped his face between both hands and then kissed him.

Beomgyu gasped against his lips, a surprised sound Taehyun promptly swallowed. The moment his back hit the wall, Beomgyu melted into the kiss almost automatically, kissing him back with equal enthusiasm, his hands already reaching for the other’s waist and holding onto the shirt tightly. 

When Taehyun pulled back, he looked a bit sheepish. Beomgyu stared at him with wide and sparkling eyes, a string of saliva dripping from his mouth. 

“Sorry,” Taehyun apologized (he wasn’t sorry at all) before brushing gently across his upper lip, wiping away the little trace of saliva there. Beomgyu kept staring at him in a daze. “I just… I really like being your boyfriend.”

It was like dopamine always kicked in ten times harder whenever Beomgyu was around, and he just couldn’t help but be so unbelievably happy that he could finally call Beomgyu his boyfriend. 

Beomgyu tried to quickly recover himself. Taehyun’s hands gently holding his face were not helping at all. “Is that why you dragged me here?”

Taehyun nodded dumbly. “Yes.”

“You’re so cute, Taehyunnie,” Beomgyu smiled, a rush of adoration and flushness coming straight to paint his cheeks. How can someone like that exist and choose to love him? Sometimes, Beomgyu just couldn’t believe it. 

“So what?” Taehyun huffed, his mouth turning into the cutest pout ever. “Is it a crime to cherish my own boyfriend?”

Beomgyu broke into a huge grin, tightening his grip onto Taehyun’s shoulder. “Not at all.”

The scoff and indignations remained while Taehyun replied, “Then shut up and let me kiss you.”

Beomgyu’s smile slowly faded, turning into something softer and a bit teasing. He leaned back towards the wall behind him, like fully expecting Taehyun to chase him. “Aye aye, captain.”

He barely even finished speaking before Taehyun leaned in and kissed him again. He captured his mouth slowly, his tongue sliding hot and wet along Beomgyu’s lower lip before pushing inside, tasting him. The sweetness of his mouth made Taehyun’s head spin helplessly. Beomgyu melted instantly, completely pliant as a soft moan slipped from his throat. He didn’t resist it at all, didn’t get embarrassed over it. He knew Taehyun loved every sound of his and cherished each one with devotion. Their tongues tangled in slow rhythms, slick with saliva that quickly became messy, strings of spit connecting their lips whenever they parted for breath.

It was intoxicating and they both loved every part of it. 

Beomgyu’s warm hands never stopped moving, roaming over Taehyun’s waist; down his sides, over his chest, sometimes pushing him towards himself to feel him close. Every touch sent sparks through the both of them.

Taehyun, instead, kept his hands mostly around Beomgyu’s flushed cheek and neck, thumb stroking tenderly as he kissed him deeper, letting his boyfriend wet his mouth with obscene sounds, sharing spit and soft groans.

Slowly, Taehyun pulled back just enough to look at him, desperately searching for his sparkling eyes. “You okay, hyung?”

Beomgyu’s eyes were already looking at him. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

A relieved, dimpled smile spread across Taehyun’s face. He gently tucked a strand of hair behind Beomgyu’s ear- his new fucking obsession. 

They stared into each other’s eyes, each other’s soul, for a couple of seconds before Beomgyu started absentmindedly playing with the hem of Taehyun’s shirt. Touching him had long since become second nature.

“Tyun,” he breathed softly, waiting patiently for the other to reply. 

“Yes?”

“You know I love you, right?”

Taehyun did know. He’d known from the moment he’d walked into the park that night and looked down at the relief on Beomgyu’s face. Maybe even before that, long before Beomgyu even knew himself. And even though it wasn’t the first time he’d heard those words, they still made his legs wobble and his heart race every single time.

His expression softened instantly. “I love you too.”

He loved him with every cell and fiber of his body.

Beomgyu reached up, playing softly with the longish hair at the nape of Taehyun’s neck. “You make me the happiest in the world.” 

Taehyun smiled, shaking his head. 

“That is incorrect, Beomgyu hyung,” he nudged him lightly. “That would be me, actually.”

“Aish, you brat,” Beomgyu pinched his cheek with exaggerated annoyance. “You’re so lucky you’re cute.”

“That is correct,” Taehyun nodded matter-of-factly, doing his absolute best to hide how ridiculously happy he was. “I’m very lucky.”

Beomgyu snorted, unable to hold back his laughter. “Pfft. You’re so whipped. Sometimes I’m scared you’re going to get down on one knee and propose.”

Taehyun pretended to consider it for half a second (as if he didn’t already dream about marrying him and living together forever every single night…).

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Let’s do that. Marry me, Choi Beomgyu.”

Beomgyu fake gasped dramatically, one hand flying to his chest. 

“Woah. You’re unbelievable.” His grin grew even wider. “But sure. Let’s marry right now, Kang Taehyun.”

Naturally, the agreement was sealed with yet another kiss. It seemed they just couldn’t get enough of one another, as one kiss turned into two, and three, and four…

When they eventually pulled apart, they were both giggling. Taehyun’s head even dropped onto Beomgyu’s shoulder as he felt his own ears burning. 

“Oh man…” Beomgyu sighed dramatically between giggles, reaching to stroke the soft brown locks of his boyfriend’s hair. “This is going to ruin the tour.”

Taehyun lifted his head, blinking.

“What tour?”

Beomgyu looked him dead in the eyes, completely serious. “The world tour!”