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Erwin's sure that he's being played, but he didn't really have a choice at this point. When he had sent countless assistants and even his vice president (though in retrospect, sending Hange was probably overkill and most likely ruined the already shaky relationship), they'd come back to report that their rival refused to see anyone less than the CEO. Even though they had enough capital to buy out the company five times over, Hange insisted it was good to make friends. Rumor had it that Scouting Inc.'s founder had ties to the underground mafia, though Erwin quickly dismissed that as an urban legend.
In fact, there was suspiciously little he could dig up about the CEO. Sure, there was the requisite website (a lot more professional than he had anticipated) and the many articles detailing their astounding growth. But every bit of news had remarkably little on the head of the company, and most of the interviews had been delegated to their vice president, who had the personality and looks to charm anyone. Maybe the CEO was a grotesque and balding old man who had to hide behind the face of his prettier assistant. If luck had it, he'd have dinner with this Petra Ral.
If he had dinner at all.
It was already half an hour past, and Erwin had even come fifteen minutes before the reserved time out of courtesy. Embarrassingly, the hostess had kicked him out of the small waiting area and onto the streets after he declined their table the third time.
[When he finally decides to shows up, so help him I don't jam the bread basket down his throat. And sip wine as he chokes on it.]
His phone buzzes with the returning text from Mike a minute later.
[Careful, Erwin. He might enjoy that too much.]
Mike was one of the few who agreed this mysterious CEO was more than likely a fat old pig one donut away from a heart attack. Hange on the other hand... Try as he might, he couldn't suppress the discomfort that came with remembering Hange describing her own fantasy, of how this mysterious person was well over two meters tall and towered over everyone, though he had nothing but a gentle heart and rescued stray cats from trees in his spare time.
Erwin's in the middle of replying to Mike when he hears someone clearing their throat.
"You must be Mr. Smith," the man says. Erwin's pretty sure the staff couldn't kick him out anymore now that he's taken to the sidewalk. "I'm Levi."
Erwin can't help but stare at him, stunned for a few moments, before he remembers his manners. "It's so great to finally meet you."
Levi snorts. "Whatever." Erwin fights the urge to scowl back when Levi's still standing there, glaring up at him with the most impassive expression on his face. In the end, Erwin lets out a breath and flashes a winning smile. Don't let him get to you Erwin.
"In that case, just call me Erwin," he says cordially. He holds out his hand, which the other scrutinizes like he'd just offered him a paper bag filled with vomit. Erwin drops it, turns back and holds the door to the restaurant open for Levi, who struts in without so much a glance back.
Hange's going to cry when Erwin tells her this man barely reached his shoulders, and more than likely skinned and ate kittens.
Once inside, the hostess looks up and asks in French, "Avez-vous une réservation?" Erwin's ready to step forward and answer, but Levi beats him to it.
"Nous avons une réservation pour deux," Levi replies, casting a smug look back at Erwin, "sous le nom de Smith."
Of course he'd speak French. Of course.
Erwin suddenly feels like he's the one in the wrong despite the fact that this brat had arrived just a minute prior. The hostess excuses herself to see if there was an empty spot for the two since their reservation was technically void. For some reason, she looks Erwin in the eye as she says this.
Erwin was so ready to take the high road and excuse the man's rude behavior, but really, he's not sure if anything could convince him this merger was going to be worth it. Fortunately (unfortunately?), the hostess returns before he is able to say anything and leads them to a table in the corner.
At least he's the one handed the wine list. It's definitely going to be a bad night if he's smug over that small victory.
"I don't mean to be rude," he said, shooting Levi a look over the wine menu, "but you were quite a bit late for our meeting."
Levi crosses his leg. "It slipped my mind."
Erwin can't wait until the bread basket comes so he could follow through with his threat. Levi gives him a look and deadpans, "I hope you didn't wait too long."
Oh, so that's how this conversation was going to go. Erwin schools his face back to neutral. If anything, he's going to report back to Hange that their potential partner had been a total psychopath, while he dutifully played the role of gallant host.
"Oh, of course not. I'm quite pleased that we've finally been able to meet," Erwin says, watching as Levi fixes that stupid cravat of his. No doubt the man had been late in hopes that Erwin would give up and go home.
"Well, I had to do something to stop the desperate love calls," Levi replies. "I wonder why the big, bad wolf wanted to come after my little company."
"Excuse me? Listen," his eyes scan the room, "croissant, you should be honored your company is being considered a potential partner."
Levi cocks an eyebrow, "I should think not butter roll. Now will you stop calling me assorted baked goods?"
The waiter clears his throat and Erwin wonders how long he's been standing there. Neither of them had a chance to look over the menu, and Levi's clearly not ready, but Erwin's been to the place a few times and knows the dishes well enough. Before Levi has a chance to wave the waiter away, Erwin promptly orders a light mesclun salad and a dish of coq au vin. He's pretty sure he's won this round, but Levi stares back and simply orders "the same."
Erwin's sure he's never felt so much frustration over ordering salad and chicken.
He asks for a white wine simply because he's sure Levi's not going to enjoy it.
"Sweety, cream puff" - Erwin has to hold back the laugh at seeing Levi's face blanch with disgust - "let's not fight in public. Scowling really adds nothing to your already unfortunate face."
"Honey comb, you really should lay off all these sweets. Especially at your old age, your pot belly is starting to bulge out of your pants."
"Fruit tart, you shouldn't stare at my legs outside of the bedroom." Levi stares, mouth agape, and Erwin realizes that's probably taking it a bit too far.
Thankfully the server comes back with the bread basket and pours the wine. Erwin reaches for a piece, aggressively buttering it just to burn off the nervous energy. Where had that even come from?
Levi pushes back in his chair, and Erwin shoots out, "Where do you think you're going?" If he's a bit rude, Levi takes no note.
"I'm going to wash my hands, puff pastry," Levi tosses back snidely. Before he has a chance to stand up, Erwin's reached over and jammed the piece of bread into his mouth. That's strangely satisfying, especially seeing how Levi's suddenly sputtering and red. He slaps Erwin's hand away.
"What the fu-," he catches himself, but barely, "What are you doing you ingrate?"
Erwin's trying not to laugh. "I really insist you stay at the table and enjoy the meal." He pulls the piece of bread back and takes a bite. He realizes too late that he's chewing on the end that he had just shoved at Levi.
Too late Levi realizes he's staring at Erwin's mouth.
The other man's eyes shoot back up but Erwin's already noticed. This time, Erwin doesn't stop him when he stands up and marches to the bathroom.
It's only after the other man's gone that Erwin thinks he might have actually crossed the line there. Never mind how terrible Levi is being, he's the one that requested the dinner meeting and he's the one with the proposal on hand. He downs half his glass of wine.
When Levi comes back, he seems to be in a better mood.
"At least even imbeciles like you can choose restaurants with clean bathrooms these days," he muses. Levi unfolds the napkin and places it on his lap, and Erwin considers just how... dainty this man is. He realizes Levi's still going on, "- and it's so rare to find a place with heated and UV sterilized hand towels."
Levi looks startled when Erwin lets out a genuine laugh. Erwin's pretty surprised himself. "Sorry, I didn't know someone could care so much about bathrooms."
Levi looks slightly affronted, though not nearly as much as before. Their salads arrive and Erwin already feels better. It's probably the wine.
"I looked into your company's history, and I really do admire the share of revenues you've donated to charity," Erwin says, trying to steer the conversation back to the potential merger.
"Don't lie, you probably think donating nearly a third of my second quarter revenues was a terrible idea," Levi retorts. That wasn't necessarily true. Though Erwin would have never done that himself, he wasn't lying when he said he admired Levi for doing so.
"it may be smarter to reinvest some of your revenue into capital or expansion. Donating so much of your profits this soon is only going to stunt your growth," Erwin offers.
Levi takes a sip of wine. "That's not really my problem."
Erwin stares at him.
Levi continues, "I didn't really set out to take over the market. I just had a personal cause I wanted to pursue. Who knew all the existing companies were so shitty."
Erwin's about to argue back because his company was a source of pride, something he'd built up after the last CEO quit out of frustration. He's sure most of the practices now standard in the industry were his own innovation. Before he can say anything, he finds a forkful of salad shoved into his face. It's strange to find himself suddenly at the opposite end of his own joke.
"You looked a bit constipated there," Levi says. He almost looks like he's smiling, and Erwin finds himself not as mad as he should be because that's really a good look on the other man. Not one to back out of challenges, Erwin wraps a hand lightly around Levi's wrist and brings the fork to his mouth, maintaining eye contact the entire time.
Levi's the first to look away, bringing his fork back to push leaves of arugula and endive around his plate. It feels strangely like a first date.
Erwin bites his own tongue. That was at least the second time his mind wandered in the wrong direction. He looks down and notes there's still half a glass of wine left. He was definitely too sober for this.
"How do you like the meal?" he asks because he's sure if he didn't get his mind off the fact that they'd both been doing nothing but shoving things in each other's mouths - oh no.
Luckily Levi looks like he needs a distraction too, "It's decent. Much better than I thought from someone like you."
Erwin raises an eyebrow at that. "Oh? What do you mean by that?"
"I mean that generally big shot CEO's like you eat at fancy ass restaurants that don't know what they're doing. The decor is stuffy and the food is over seasoned and has probably been manhandled and dunked in liquid nitrogen or something," Levi grouses.
Erwin smiles around a forkful of salad.
"So your top priorities are bathrooms, charities and how quaint a restaurant is," Erwin remarks. It's not a date. It's definitely not a date. But Levi's got a charming personality underneath the layers of social ineptitude.
"Yea, I'm saying that your tastes aren't half as stuffy as you are," Levi replies. Erwin wonders when he stopped being insulted and started realizing Levi's probably physically unable to address anyone politely.
The entree arrives and there's a few moments of comfortable silence as they each set to their own plates.
"So tell me a bit about yourself," Erwin finally says. It's probably too late for the question, but he's nothing if not good at pretending everything was going perfectly.
Levi wipes his mouth (more like dabs at it) with the napkin before responding. "It's what you'd expect from someone like me. Dead parents, high school drop out, did some hard drugs, murdered some people for the secrets to success."
Erwin's sure that if Levi hadn't pursued his business, he'd have made a fine career playing high stakes poker. Erwin's hoping that at least one of those things he'd just listed was a lie.
"Explains how your company is thriving despite your unorthodox approach," Erwin finally offers. "You know you've got a lot of potential and I'd hate to see you waste it with a company that is growing too fast for it's own infrastructure."
"I believe we've settled long ago that my 'unorthodox approach,' as you like to put it, has the market cornered," Levi replies.
"That's true, but how many times have you had to outsource the work simply because you couldn't hire workers in time for your growing clientele base? Or how many meetings you've had to schedule in someone else's office because you couldn't find a conference room large enough?" Erwin counters. It's a hunch, but Erwin goes it with anyways, "You know, it's nice to have a fancy building where even the elevators are sanitized against airborne antigens every few hours."
Levi looks at him in surprise, as if finally someone gets him. He's about to say something, and Erwin's on edge because even though he doubts Levi's going to give in that easily, whatever he's about to say is going to be good. Then his phone goes off.
Erwin considers ignoring it but it's hard to hide the buzzing when there's no conversation. Whatever Levi was about to say he stops. Sighing, Erwin excuses himself and steps out to take the call.
"Hange, whatever you have to say better be important," he mutters.
"Erwin, I just wanted to ask how the date went!" He flinches at the word, even though he's sure Hange just meant that as a joke.
"We're actually still in the middle of dinner. Levi decided it would be nice to show up nearly an hour late."
"Oh good, good! You guys are on first name basis!"
"He insisted."
"That's even better. Things seem pretty dandy on your end!" He could hear the laughter in her voice as she hung up, telling him to not have too much fun and to tell her everything later.
He was definitely not having fun, he told himself.
Levi's nearly done with his plate by the time he gets back. "I think I may have to leave," Levi says. "You're welcome to finish your plate."
Erwin wonders what went wrong in the minute he went to take the call. He back tracks and wonders what didn't go wrong. "I apologize if you took offense earlier, but I believe we were close to an agreement?"
Levi uncrosses and recrosses his legs. "I don't think we were about to reach a consensus."
He really doesn't know how to read this man. One minute he seems ready to give a dissertation on various disinfectant properties, and the next he's completely closed off.
"Never mind. I'll just pay for my portion of the meal," Levi says.
Erwin grabs his hand before he can reach for his wallet. "No, I insist. If I did anything to offend you..." he trails off, because really, he doesn't know how to explain to Hange that they lost a great merger opportunity because he went and called someone a fruit tart.
"I have a cat I need to take care of," Levi says finally.
Oh, well that's... That's adorable.
Erwin realizes his hand is still on Levi's and he pulls it back, perhaps a bit too hastily. "That's fine, I'm done with my portion as well. And I insist on getting the check," he says before any protest.
It's when they're both outside that he remembers they've still never reached an agreement, but somehow that's the last thing on his mind.
"Is your car nearby? I'll walk you there," he offers.
Levi shakes his head. "I was going to get a cab. I don't live too far from here."
Don't offer him a ride, don't offer him a ride. "I'll wait with you then. Cabs don't come that frequently at this hour." Right. At least he didn't offer him the ride.
It really has been a while since Erwin's had time to eat dinner with anyone else besides Hange or Mike, and the evening wasn't a complete disaster. A cab pulls up and Levi steps up to ask if the driver went to his neighborhood.
"You know, I'm impressed you didn't die of a blood clot during our conversation," Levi states casually.
Erwin thinks its a compliment.
"So your answer is?" Erwin asks, heart beating a bit faster than he liked. Levi holds out his hand, and when Erwin doesn't react right away, he has the nerve to look exasperated.
"Your phone," he says, like it was the most obvious thing. Erwin reaches into his pocket and fishes it out, eyeing him warily in case he decided to fling it across the street or something. Instead, Levi taps a few things out on the touch screen and returns it before pulling the cab door open.
Erwin catches the door before it can close, to the annoyance of the driver. "I'm serious. You still haven't given me your answer," he says.
Levi's definitely smiling now. "Call me when you're free," he replies, nodding towards the phone. "I don't put out on first dates."
Erwin's left standing on the sidewalk after the cab drives off, torn between that was not a date and does this mean I get a second date?