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I've Dreamt of Her

Summary:

“Papa,” Leia asked, curled up at Bail’s side with her head on his chest, “What was my mom like?” (...)

Bail reaches down to absently stroke his daughter’s hair in the quiet that follows. It was a loaded question, to say the least– he wasn’t sure how to sum up the larger than life figure that was Padme Amidala. But, for Leia’s sake, he would certainly try.

Notes:

This is a short fic I started writing after a long shift at work at around 3 am last month, and just now decided to write the last bit of to finish it. A big thanks to my friend Conal (tyranusss on tumblr) for reading the first draft of this and pushing for me to finish it.

Work Text:

         “Papa,” Leia asked, curled up at Bail’s side with her head on his chest, “What was my mom like?” She’s quiet for a moment, as if testing the weight of what she’s asking. Leia wonders briefly if he’d be upset with her for asking when Breha, the mother who’d raised her, was only a few rooms away. “You’ve talked about her before but… I don’t actually know anything about her.”

         Bail reaches down to absently stroke his daughter’s hair in the quiet that follows. It was a loaded question, to say the least– he wasn’t sure how to sum up the larger than life figure that was Padme Amidala.

         But, for Leia’s sake, he would certainly try. “Your mother,” he began, the ghost of a wistful smile tugging at his lips, “was one of the most extraordinary people I’ve ever known.”

         He felt Leia sit up then, looking even more full of questions than before. “Really?”

         “Really.” Bail repeated. “She was strong, and smart… a gifted politician and negotiator even in the worst of times.” He looked down, full of an old sadness for a moment. “And she was a dear friend. I see much of her in you, actually.” His smile returned as he said this. “I could almost mistake you for her some days.”

         Leia paused, emotion flicking across her face as she processed her father’s words. “… I wish I could have met her.”

         “I wish you could have, too.” She would have been so proud of you.

         “I dream about her sometimes.” Leia admits quietly. “At least… I like to think that it’s about her. Sometimes I hear a voice, or see a lady with dark hair, like mine. It’s always blurry, like a hologram that can’t get its signal through.” When she finally looks up at Bail her face is bunched up like it would when she’s trying to solve a particularly difficult puzzle. “She seems kind… but also sad.”

         A swell of emotion reaches Bail’s throat. He didn’t like to linger on the last days of the Republic– the days when Padme was still alive, and hope wasn’t so utterly crushed. “That does sound like her.” He manages. “After all the years I’d worked beside her, she hardly ever let anyone know when she was hurting. That ended up being a problem for her in the end.” Bail had wondered, after everything was said and done, if he could have helped her more than he did. If he could have somehow kept her from going to Mustafar.

         Everything just got worse after Mustafar.

         Bail turned to Leia with a sad smile. “I hope you won’t do the same. Carrying so many burdens on your own is no good. Having friends you can trust, people that will help you no matter what, is more important than anything.”

         “Did she die because she wouldn’t ask for help?” Leia barely thought the words before speaking them, her hands balled into fists on her lap.

         “…. that’s one way of putting it.” Bail sighed, picking Leia up under her arms and cradling her against his shoulder as he stood up. It hurt to think of Padme that way, but as his endlessly intelligent daughter often did, she’d hit the nail on the head. He carried her over to her bed and set her gently down. “Could you promise me one thing, Leia?”

         Leia nodded as she burrowed herself under the covers, getting comfortable. Even as she did this her eyes were focused carefully on her father. “Of course.”

         “The galaxy being the way it is, it’s difficult to make allies. And even harder to make long lasting friends.” Bail leaned over her, tucking her in. “But I want you to make sure you never forget how important it is to have them. Find good, honest people, and help each other grow. Seeing you do that would make me very happy. Can you promise you’ll do that?”

         His daughter, his sweet, beautiful, wonderful daughter, smiled up at him. She nestled her head deep into her pillow, giving a quiet answer of: “I promise.”

         Bail smiled as well, and placed a short kiss above her brow. “I’m glad to hear it.” With one last tousle of her hair he went to leave the room. He turned the lights down low. “Good night, little star.”

         Just as she started to drift off to sleep, her mind still full of questions with few answers, Leia said “Good night, papa.” and was left to her dreams. Dreams that stretched far beyond Alderaan, into the night sky to planets she hadn’t visited where people she’d yet to meet lived their lives.

         Lives that she had no part in then, but knew, somehow, that those strangers’ lives wouldn’t be so far away from her in the future.