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Emily knew that she should have signaled for backup a while ago. She knew that it was more than slightly her fault that she was in the position that she was.
“Doesn’t a pretty lady like you know that it’s dangerous to go out all alone.”
It had taken them a little over a week to track all of the victims back to a slightly run down bar in a bad part of town. The team hadn’t initially agreed with Emily volunteering to go undercover, but after pointing out that all the victims were white woman with dark hair, there wasn’t much they could do to stop her.
Tensions in the BAU had been running high in the couple months since she had returned after the whole Doyle fiasco, but after a handful of apologies and much groveling Emily thought things were basically back to normal.
She should’ve guessed that undercover work would stir up some bad memories. But it really was supposed to be easy. How was she supposed to know that the unsub had a localized EMP and would disable all the ways that she could call for backup with? It also didn’t help that due to the layout of the bar they hadn’t been able to have anyone else inside the room with her.
She was stranded. On her own. Nothing she hadn’t done before.
Emily had spent so much of her life alone on undercover missions. She knew how to blend in, she knew when to disappear, how to know when it was time to hide, and most importantly: how to get out of a sticky situation.
But something about her current situation wasn’t right. There was something off.
“I think I can handle myself.” Emily replied to the man who was now standing next to her. She had walked outside when she realized no calls or texts were going through. Emily glanced up at the man, but he wasn’t the one that they were waiting for, so she had no reason to give him any attention.
“Oh, I’m sure you can sweetheart.” The man took a step closer and Emily tensed up. Something he obviously noticed. “Don’t be so tense pretty girl, can I get a name to go with your beautiful face.”
Emily did not want to be talking to this man anymore. She needed to get back into the bar and make sure that the unsub hadn’t gotten another victim. But she couldn’t exactly tell this man that. Even if he was being a creepy asshole.
Okay it’s not like he had really done anything yet, but small alarms were going off in the back of her mind. The two hidden guns and knife she had made her feel better though. If for some reason it came down to it, she knew she could easily take this man down.
“Lauren.” Emily responded. She had to stop herself from wincing slightly at the name. Literally could have picked any other name and she choose the one with years’ worth of emotional baggage.
She reached her hand out to the man. “You can call me Lauren.”
A half charming and half sly smile stretched its way across his face. “Nice to meet you Lauren, I’m Brian.”
What a stupid name.
He took her hand and shook in firmly in the way that men always did when they were trying to assert their dominance over a woman they saw as lesser.
Okay maybe Emily was being a little bit cynical, but it had been a really long past couple of months and the last thing she needed was some bullshit man getting in the way of her stopping their unsub.
Emily offered a small smile but didn’t respond. Instead, she turned on her heel to make her way back into the bar. She should’ve assumed that he wouldn’t take the hint.
“Why don’t you let me buy you a drink?” Brian asked as he sped up to walk next to her.
“I’d rather not.” Her voice was clipped.
“How about your number?”
Emily had to resist the urge to sigh and instead simply shook her head.
The man, Brian, raised his hands in mock surrender. “All right All right, I can take a hint,” Can you? “But I hope to see your pretty face around here again.”
They had made their way back into the main bar area and once again Emily walked away from him wordlessly. She made her way back to her corner booth and once again tried her earpiece and her phone to see if there was any signal. There wasn’t.
There wasn’t anything she could do about contacting the team, so she started to scan the bar to see if anything had changed. All in all, there was about twenty-five people in the room plus the two bartenders and a couple of servers that were wandering around. Not enough for it to feel crowded but enough that there was plenty of people to watch.
The man that she was looking for still hadn’t made his face known and she had been here for close to four hours. She was starting to wonder if they didn’t have the right guy. Emily was the last person to say that Penelope and Reid hadn’t narrowed down the suspect pool correctly, but it was starting to look that way.
“Your drink, ma’am.” With a clink the bartender set her glass of faux liquor down on the table. It was weird enough that she was sitting alone in the back corner of the bar, it would only look worse if she wasn’t drinking.
They had looped in one of the bartenders into what was going on but it was the other one who gave Emily her drink. She didn’t think anything of it.
That was a big mistake.
Emily knew that something had been put into her drink. She wasn’t sure if the unsub had managed to slip something into it or if somehow the bartender was involved, but unfortunately Emily knew what various types of date rape and roofies felt like.
As she stood up she took a second to steady herself with the table. She wasn’t sure if she was swaying or if the whole room had suddenly started to spin. First one seemed a little more likely.
“Everything okay?” Brian. Emily distantly recognized the voice, but it sounded like she was submerged underwater, or maybe he was submerged underwater.
No matter the current state of her mind, Emily knew that she had to get away from him. Get away from everyone and somehow find a way to contact Hotch or Rossi.
Emily tried her best to nod. “Yep, just need to grab some air.”
“Why don’t I come with you? I already told you it’s dangerous to go alone.” It didn’t take a profiler to see what his intent was with the way his smile only seemed to be growing the more Emily attempted to stumble towards the door. She was hoping that he wouldn’t follow her but she knew that was a foolish hope.
By the time they made it outside Emily was trying to figure out a plan. But her mind was too scrambled. She couldn’t think of anything all the way through without losing her train of thought. All she knew was that she had to get away from him.
It wasn’t a second after she felt the cool night air on her face that she felt an iron clad grip on her wrist. “How about you come with me?” Emily recoiled slightly at the creepy tone that he spoke in as he dragged her to the side alley. It was always the fucking side alleys.
“Get off of me.” Emily tried to rip her wrist out of his grip. She just needed to get to her gun and then everything would be fine. Or things would get a hell of a lot worse.
“I don’t think you’re going to win this one pretty little thing. None of the other ones did and they weren’t half as pretty as you. I can’t wait to take my time with you before I finish you off.” It was times like this that Emily was reminded how disgusting humankind could be. It was one thing to spend every day of her life looking through victims’ lives and attempting to bring their killers to justice.
It was another thing to become the victim.
This time instead of responding to the man Emily aimed a kick towards his knee. The man fell with a grunt and released the grip on her wrist slightly. Enough that she could actually rip her hand away from him and draw her weapon.
“You bitch.” The man hissed out as he crumpled to the ground. When he lifted his head up and saw that she was standing there with a gun he froze.
The world might still have been spinning but Emily knew that if she needed to pull the trigger, that the man in front of her wouldn’t be getting up any time soon.
They stayed like that for a second. Brian—if that was even his real name—kneeling on the ground looking up at her with a calculating look on his face. Like he was trying to figure out a way to get out of this without a bullet in his head.
On the other hand, Emily was forcing herself to stand still and ignoring the slight tremors that were making their way across her body. Her chest was rising and falling rhythmically as she made her way through simple breathing exercises in attempts to get the world to stop spinning.
After a handful of seconds, the man made his move. He lunged at Emily with a knife that he had pulled out from his back pocket. Emily wasn’t fast enough to stop his attack. She threw up her left arm to stop him from reaching her face and she distantly felt the skin there being slashed open.
Damn. She really could do without adding anymore scars.
Relying on pure instinct Emily skidded backwards, raised her gun, and shot the man in the chest. This time he fell to the ground for good.
Distantly she could hear people yelling. Were they yelling at her? She couldn’t make out any of the noise around her.
It was no where near close to the first time she had taken someone’s life, but between the drugs coursing through her system, the adrenaline, and the shock that was setting in, nothing felt right.
Her mind was reeling at a million miles per hour but at the same time she couldn’t think at all. There was too much input and not enough output. That was probably why she missed the sound of sirens and a familiar group of people approaching her.
“Prentiss, what happened?” Emily instinctively took a step back and returned to a ready position. Like a cornered animal ready to strike Emily trained her gun on the person now in front of her.
It took longer than she would have liked to realize that it was the one and only Aaron Hotchner with Derek standing next to him. Both of them were decked out in their normal FBI gear and both had their own firearms in their hands. Normally the sight of them would calm her down but that wasn’t happening this time.
She kept a tight grip on her gun and didn’t say anything. To her, everything and everyone was a threat right now. She needed to get out of here and she needed to do it fast.
“Talk to us Emily, what’s going on?” This time it was Derek who spoke. His voice radiating a calm atmosphere that was the complete opposite of what Emily was feeling. She watched as both of the men holstered their guns and Hotch crouched down to take the man’s pulse.
She knew he wouldn’t find one, but it was confirmed when Hotch looked back at Derek and shook his head.
Derek took a step forward with both of his hands raised. To prove to her he wasn’t a threat or in attempts to placate her she wasn’t sure. “C’mon Prentiss you’ve got to talk to us. How about you put the gun down and we get that cut checked out?”
Emily took a step back but lowered her gun slightly. She distantly realized that her hands were starting to shake. Shock.
Emily tried to steady her voice before speaking. “Our information was wrong. He was the unsub. He told me his name was Brian, but he easily could have been lying.”
“How did he end up shot?” Emily knew that Hotch was asking as an agent assessing the scene and not as someone judging her, but she couldn’t help from flinching back slightly and gripping her gun tighter.
Something both men seemed to notice as they both took a step back from her.
“What happened Emily?” This time there was no trace of SSA Hotchner, it was just her friend standing in front of her with a dead body in between them.
“Drugged me.” Emily managed to get out. The world was starting to spin faster. “I think the other bartender was in on it.” She wasn’t gone enough to miss the pure concern take over both of their faces. She must have been doing a better job at pretending she was fine than she thought.
“We need to get you to an EMT.” Hotch’s voice was assertive as he framed it as an order and less of a suggestion.
“No. I’m fine.” Emily rushed out. She just wanted to take a boiling shower and go to sleep. This wasn’t her first rodeo after all.
“You are very much not fine right now.” A new voice added and without thinking Emily had her gun trained on the newest addition to the small crowd that was gathering. She needed to get out of here and she needed to do it now.
“Woah, Emily.” Rossi looked quizzically at Derek and Hotch as he stood on the other end of her barrel. “How about you hand over the gun, and we get you checked out.” His voice was calm just like Derek’s, but she could see the slight twinge of fear in his eyes. Like he wasn’t sure what she was going to do.
“Do you want us to get JJ?” Derek asked. “She can be here in five minutes if you want her.” If you don’t want a man around you right now went unsaid.
Emily took a second to look at her teammates. It was the genuine worry in Derek’s eyes that had her lowering her gun and shaking her head slightly. All three of the men relaxed at the sound of the safety being flicked back on.
“No, it’s fine, I don’t need her.” This couldn’t be the thing that breaks her. It just had to be a temporary setback.
Hotch nodded knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to convince her otherwise. “Come on, there’s an EMT this way.” He nodded his head in a direction. Emily nodded and started to follow him.
It only took her a couple of steps before she was stumbling and falling.
“I got you.” Emily went as stiff as a board when Derek’s arms wrapped around her waist, stopping her from hitting the ground in a heap. “Do you want me to let go?” Emily knew that if she told him to he would let her go and no one would touch her until she was okay with it.
And as much as she wanted him to let go, she knew that she wasn’t going to make it to the back of the ambulance by herself.
“It’s okay.” She whispered out hoping that Derek could hear her. “Not like it’s my first time.” Emily had been aiming for a joke, but it must have come out as more of a pained admission if the pained grimace on Derek’s face was anything to go off of.
Ever so slowly, the four of them made their way to the ambulance where Emily was sat down in front of a female EMT.
“What type of damage am I looking at here?” The woman crouched down in front of her and Emily had to stop herself from reaching for her gun again. Something the three men seemed to notice.
“I really hate to do this Princess, but can you hand over your gun? I’d rather you don’t shoot anyone right now. We’ll make sure everyone stays away.” Emily knew that Derek was telling the truth. She knew that she could trust them to keep her safe. But she still hesitated before sighing and handing over both of her firearms to the man. She wasn’t handing over her knife though.
He took them with a small smile and tucked them into the extra holsters he had. “Thank you.”
Emily nodded slowly and turned back to the EMT. “I was drugged. Feels like Ketamine but I’m not a hundred percent sure. Knife wound on my arm, but it doesn’t feel like anything major was hit and I’m sure there’s a little bit of bruising on my wrist, but nothing is broken.” She rattled off. To her, it really didn’t sound that bad.
“Do you know how much you were drugged with? You seem mostly coherent.”
Emily knew that her answer wasn’t to help with the worried looks from the peanut gallery, but she didn’t want to lie to the EMT. “I’m not sure, I think I finished off the drink, but I’ve also built up a tolerance to most drugs over the years. A standard dose wouldn’t impact me too much.”
Emily didn’t miss the way the EMT slowly blinked or the quiet curses coming from Derek.
“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.” And with that the EMT started to ask more questions and patch her up.
*****
“I think we might need to have a conversation.” Rossi was the first one to speak up. After Emily had been cleared to leave, the team had made their way back to the hotel where they were gathering in Rossi’s room. It was the standard to all gather in his room after a case because the man always upgraded his rooms to suites.
Emily sighed and rub her arms with her hands. The drugs had all left her system and she most of the adrenaline and shock had worn off after she had taken a nice long hot shower. All she wanted was to get some food and go to bed. JJ had just ordered takeout which took care of the first part, but Emily knew she wasn’t going to be able to get out of this.
“What’s there to talk about. The local police found all the evidence necessary to tie all the victims to him and he’s now rotting in a morgue. There’s nothing more we can do.”
Emily knew that wasn’t what he was talking about.
“I’m more concerned with the part where you said you’ve built up a tolerance to roofies.” Rossi added on with a raised eyebrow.
Emily sighed. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but we’re here if you want to open up.” JJ’s voice held such a motherly tone to it that Emily wanted nothing more than to spill all her secrets.
Instead, she shrugged. “I don’t know what you want me to say. You all know that my past hadn’t exactly been the cleanest.”
“From studies done, it would take about a large dose of Ketamine at least every other week for six months straight to build up the tolerance that you demonstrated.” Reid spoke up from his spinny chair in the corner of the room. His fact only served to make everyone tense up slightly.
Emily cast her eyes to the ground. “Look…It’s just something that had to be done when I was working with JTF. You had to do whatever it took to get yourself in and sometimes that meant letting the men think they had more power over you than they actually did.” Emily shrugged again like this wasn’t a big deal at all. “I’m not saying I’m proud of everything I did, but it had to be done.”
“You let targets drug you for the sake of the operation?” Derek questioned incredulously.
“I let them do more than that Derek.” Emily whispered out in a shameful admission.
The room froze. When she managed to look up she expected to see disgust on everyone’s face, but she saw nothing except heartbreak and sorrow.
“It’s fine. It was a long time ago.”
“Emily…” JJ trailed off. “That shouldn’t have had to happen.”
Emily opened her mouth to defend her actions. Because it did have to happen. It was all for the sake of the case. But she was cut off.
“Don’t say that it was necessary. Would you let any one of us willingly be drugged and taken by an Unsub?” Rossi questioned firmly.
“Of course not.” Emily responded without thinking. But then she saw the obvious hypocrisy in it. “But I know how to handle myself in those situations. I’m used to it.”
“You’re calling almost shooting half of us and an EMT ‘handling it’?” Hotch asked.
Emily grimaced. “I’m not saying it was perfect, but it worked didn’t it?” It’s not like she had actually shot any of them.
“Did you know that he was going to drug you and let him do it?” Derek’s voice was only climbing in pitch as this conversation went on.
“No.” Emily declared firmly. “No, and once I realized he had I tried to get out of the bar. I’m not saying that I walked in there wanting to get drugged or that I was happy when it happened.”
“You’re just saying that you would do it again if you had too.” Rossi finished for her and Emily couldn’t do anything but shrug.
“It all worked out in the end didn’t it?”
“Yeah, but what if it hadn’t? What if he had gotten further? What if we hadn’t gotten there and you had shot someone else?” JJ seemed to be on the same level of freaking out as Derek. Emily really didn’t understand why.
“Holy shit everyone needs to calm down.” Emily stood up from her chair and started pacing. “Nothing happened, I’m fine. A little bruised and I have one cut that will probably scar but I’m fine and he’s dead. I don’t understand why you’re all freaking out so much.” She let out a sound of confusion.
“Because we already lost you once.” The always confident Reid suddenly sounded a lot more meek. “None of us want to go through that again and yet you’re talking about it all like nothing happened and that you don’t care that something really bad happened.” He took a breath before continuing. “Because you’re talking about your life and health like it doesn’t matter. Like it’s no big deal that you’ve been roofied enough to have a tolerance. Like it’s no big deal that you were almost assaulted because it wasn’t the first time. Even though all of this is very much a big deal.”
Emily had nothing she could say to that. Because to her, it really wasn’t a big deal.
“Emily, we care about you. Very much. And we don’t want to see you hurt even if you’re okay with it, we aren’t.” Hotch added in his stern voice. “It doesn’t matter if we got the guy, we still can be worried about you.”
“Oh.” Was all Emily could say as she sat back down in her chair. She had forgotten what it was like to have this many people actually care about her well-being.
Maybe they were right. Maybe she did need to start being a little more careful.
“You forgot that we actually worry about you, didn’t you.” Rossi stated with a knowing smirk.
Emily clicked her tongue. “It might have slipped my mind.”
“Well, will make sure it never does again.” Derek added with a firm nod. Everyone else in the room nodded too.
Maybe she did have her family back after all.