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When the thought occurs to him, Zanka finds himself unsurprised by how natural the occurrence is.
He would lie if he hadn't thought about it, he would lie if he said, it never once had ever crossed his mind.
Of course it did, of course it had.
Zanka has just never tried to entertain the idea in the fear of rushing things, or making things uncomfortable, or disrupting the nice dynamic he already has—they already have.
These days, it's harder to keep the thought in its containment.
If Zanka has to be honest, he doesn't even bother to contain it. He just lets it linger, familiarizes himself with it, adapting to the possibility.
It first occurs when he sees Enjin in the parking lot, hand supporting his chin on his bike handle while Zanka jogs a little towards him. The way Enjin gives him a soft smile like he's relieved to finally see Zanka after a whole day being separated from him.
It keeps occurring when Enjin taps Zanka's arms around his waist at the red light, reminding him to hold tighter. The way Enjin whispers, that no matter how tired Zanka is, Zanka should stay awake during their ride home.
It repeats when Enjin goes straight to his kitchen, preparing the meal he has cooked for Zanka earlier, heating it up. The way he does all of this like it's his night routine, like he's so used to dote on Zanka.
It keeps happening when Enjin turns his back on him as he boils some hot water, his shoulder spasming slightly like the man is stifling the yawn and hiding it from him.
"Tea or coffee?" Enjin looks over his shoulder.
You, Zanka wants to say, but his mouth responds, "Tea would be good."
Enjin smiles, though Zanka can't really see it from this angle. He just knows the fondness in his voice when he says, "Coming right up." will match whatever soft expression that he definitely sports on.
Tonight's dinner is chicken curry and salad. Zanka is not really hungry at this hour, but he always spares some space in his stomach for Enjin's cooking.
"How's your day?" Enjin takes a seat across from him, while Zanka starts munching on his food. The man gets his own mug of steaming tea, trying to keep the conversation alive, even if Zanka can tell the sleep hanging heavy on him.
It's almost two in the morning and Enjin stays up late for his sake.
Zanka finishes his dinner in no time before he goes into the shower, while Enjin waits for him in the bed. He keeps the television on in the low volume, putting on some animal documentaries that Zanka is sure, he's not paying attention for. He leans back on the headboard, seemingly awake but Zanka has known him long enough to notice that the man must have slipped into slumber numerous times before he wills himself to keep his eyes open.
Zanka dressed in old tee and shorts, quickly joins Enjin under the blanket.
"Keep it on," Zanka says, taking over the remote off Enjin.
This time, Enjin doesn't attempt to stifle his yawn, as he lets Zanka settle into his arms.
"I might have fallen asleep at any second now."
Zanka chuckles, resting himself on Enjin's collarbone.
"Yeah, I know, old man."
Enjin playfully pinches his waist, huffing. "Rude, Doc."
Zanka merely snickers, eyes drifting to the screen.
The low volume doesn't prevent him from understanding what happens on the documentary that is currently playing with the help of the subtitle. It's a documentary about bald eagle. Zanka isn't much of an animal enthusiast, but he finds himself rapidly enraptured by the explanation that the narrator is doing over the topic.
The bald eagle is known to have high fidelity and mate for life. They also build nests together, sharing the effort by gathering the nesting materials.
"… A pair of mated eagles find grasses, sticks, branches, moss, and such, bringing them into the nest. Both eagles will move the nesting materials around, rearranging them often so that sometimes their action comes across the other. One can place the stick somewhere only for their mate move them away. It can happens multiple times during their nest building."
Zanka thinks about the leather jacket that hangs near the front door, next to the jumper he usually wears over his scrubs to work. He thinks about the yellow toothbrush that inhabits his shower, side by side with his blue one. He thinks about the clay pot that he definitely doesn't own before but it's now frequently seen on the dishwasher with how often it's used lately.
He thinks about Enjin slowly leaving a part of himself, here and there. He thinks about how he adapts to the change without even realizing it.
Because it's just natural to have Enjin in his home. There's a certain level of trust in letting someone invade your space, letting them settle themselves there, molding their presence into a permanent fixture somewhere only you can ever let them.
Enjin isn't just meant to be by his side, Enjin is meant to be in every corner of his life too.
When the thought occurs to him, Zanka finds himself unsurprised by how natural the occurrence is.
He would lie if he hadn't thought about it, he would lie if he said, it never once had ever crossed his mind.
Of course it did, of course it had.
Zanka has just never tried to entertain the idea in the fear of rushing things, or making things uncomfortable, or disrupting the nice dynamic he already has—they already have.
These days, it's harder to keep the thought in its containment.
If Zanka has to be honest, he doesn't even bother to contain it. He just lets it linger, familiarizes himself with it, adapting to the possibility.
Zanka should have known, that he should just say it, instead of trying to keep it down.
"Enjin," he calls, gentle enough that if Enjin is already asleep, Zanka will postpone talking about this until he's awake.
But Enjin hums, responding to him, even if his eyes stay closed. Like he's alerted enough while still trying to rest.
"What is it?" The man caresses his hips lightly. The action feels so intimate, so domestic—that Zanka can't help but blurting the words out before he loses all the courage to say something.
"You should move."
That's what he ends up saying.
Enjin opens his eyes blearily, before he scooching farther as if he wants to give Zanka some space.
Zanka doesn't realize what error he has just made until there's a distance between them.
"In." Zanka adds, feeling his cheeks heated by how foolish he has just made himself to be.
Enjin blinks, like he's unsure of what he has heard. Zanka mentally curses himself, half-rising from the bed, to amend his words. His hand presses against Enjin's chest, as if it's a form of anchoring the means.
"What I'm trying to say is, you should move in," Zanka clears his throat. "With me."
Enjin gives him a strange look, before he lets out a soft chuckle.
"Yeah, right."
Zanka frowns at his nonchalance.
"I'm serious," he says, tapping Enjin's chest once. "You're practically living here anyway."
The silence befalls them. In the absence of their sound, the television gets to be louder and louder the longer they don't speak.
"... in diameter and two to four feet deep. Each year the adult pair will add one to two feet of new material to the nest. The nest building activity is considered to be the part of bald eagle's mate bonding..."
Enjin lifts his eyebrow at that while Zanka is having the worst case of flustering mess and he goes scrambling to turn the TV off. The action that seemingly breaks the silence because the next thing Enjin does is to chuckle.
"Doc, you aren't a bald eagle," he snickers, stretching his arms open as if he expects Zanka to go to him. "C'mon, let's get some shut eyes—"
The rest of his words died on his mouth when Zanka cups his face and looks at him with the same seriousness that he shows in situations that requires his professionalism.
This is serious matter.
"I can't imagine not coming home to you," Zanka admits, surprising himself by hearing how steady his voice is. "Would you move in with me, Enjin?"
He doesn't expect Enjin to suddenly charge forward and aims for his lips, pecking him quickly.
"Something's happening at work?" Enjin is now fully alerted, eyes roaming like he's trying to read Zanka and what he could possibly hide. "Are you distracting yourself?"
As someone who works at the ER, it's not uncommon for Zanka to see traumatic events that follow him back home. It has happened before, and Zanka would even say, that some of those traumatic events earn him the undivided attention from the man who will do his best to relieve him from the burden. Zanka doesn't have a proper outlet before, choosing to reroute his thoughts the old fashion way by meditating and doing enough activities to make the experience slightly bearable. But with Enjin by his side, it gets easier to go through it, knowing that he's never alone and Enjin will always be there, giving him the comforts and affirmations he needs.
Though it happens numerously, this time, it's definitely not that.
"Nothing happens at work and I don't need to be distracted," Zanka huffs out his confirmation, fisting over Enjin's shirt. "I've been thinking about it for quite some time, asking you to move in, but I always chicken out."
Zanka would rather die than admitting his cowardice, and yet.
"It just feels like I'm gonna regret it if I don't... say anything," Zanka drops his gaze. "You don't have to answer right away, I know it's not the most appropriate time and I'm probably rushing things but—"
Zanka gulps down.
"I want to come home to you, Enjin. I want to see you before work, after work, or when I don't have to work at all. I've been living in this house for years, but it only feels like home when you're in it and I realize that maybe it's not the building, it's the person in it—"
The more he speaks, the more flustered he gets. Zanka shakes his head, trying to stop himself from babbling nonsense and coming out way too clingy and overdramatic, but the words just keep overflowing.
"Your presence makes this place more lively, your touch in everything makes this place more homey. It has become my home as much as yours, and I don't want to come back here without you."
He inhales shakily, eventually lifts his head to meet Enjin's eyes again.
"Really, you don't have to accept it, but I'm letting you know that it's an option and it will always be. You still have my spare keys anyway, nothing will change even if you don't want to. Either way, you're still gonna keep—"
Zanka doesn't get to finish his sentences when Enjin's hand slips past his ear, anchoring itself on his nape, pulling him down for a kiss.
Too caught off guard by the action, Zanka tries to escape, but Enjin is way too firm. The way he holds him, the way he kisses him, the way he's adamant to keep him as close as possible.
"Damn, Doc," he breathes out, once they're apart. "Of course, I want to."
Zanka searches for his eyes, wondering if Enjin just indulging him instead of telling him the truth, but the golden amber radiates nothing but fondness and affection that Zanka can feel himself blushing over the fact that it's directed at him.
"This place is so much nicer than my apartment. Did you know that I essentially take so many advantages off you?"
Zanka blinks, before he laughs. Enjin laughs too, pulling him closer until they're chest to chest, Zanka on top him, the vibration of their shared laughter shake both of their bodies.
"I'm aware," Zanka wheezes, stealing another peck of Enjin's lips, Enjin's arm tightens around his waist.
"I feel like a leech," Enjin snickers, Zanka playfully hits his chest.
"Then what am I? Seducing you with my wealth, with the nice house and all?"
They laugh again. This time, Enjin shifts their position, so they are switched with Zanka's being under him and Enjin looming over him. Their chests are heaving from the residual amusement, settling slowly into a much calmer demeanor.
"You really want to move in with me?" Zanka reaches for Enjin's face, to which the man leans to his touch.
"You really want to have me bothering you all the time?" Enjin asks back, grinning.
They both know the answer.
I do.
Maybe someday, when they are ready, when they see the possibility of it to happen, the unspoken answer will belong to another question.
But as Zanka pulls Enjin down and Enjin lets himself be pulled, Zanka thinks that right now, this is enough amount of happiness for them to have.