Archive of Our Own

It’s another day in the pitt for Jack. Back to back traumas, patient complaints, chaos and much more.

So when there was down time, people often used the lulls to not only catch up on other tasks but also gossip.

Todays’ topic and usually a topic brought up every day was that of love lives.

It was one that Jack didn’t participate in or even indulge in listening to.

It hurt to hear how others had people in their lives to love, be around, or go home to and he didn’t.

He used to but not anymore.

The staff knew Jack had a great love of his life and that now he didn’t.

No one knew who she was except Robby.

No one knew if she had been his fling, girlfriend, or wife.

Or if she was even alive.

They just knew to not bring it up.

—--

It’s halfway through his shift when Jack makes his way towards the nurse’s station. His nose is buried in a chart examining information when he hears a familiar voice.

“Hi, I need help looking for someone.”

He feels like he can’t breathe.

It can’t be you.

It can’t.

“Can I get a name for this person?” Dana asks

He holds his breath.

“Jack. Jack Abbot. I’m not sure if he still works here but I thought I'd try.”

You’re here for him?

But why?

He had ruined things.

He broke your heart.

He’s gotta find Robby and tell him you’re here but before he can sneak away he's stopped by one word.

“Jack?”

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

“Jack?”

Your heart races as you say his name.

The name of someone you hadn’t seen in five years but someone who you could never forget.

You both had once been joined at the hip.

Hopelessly and completely in love.

Engaged. 

Then it all changed.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌*𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬*﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

You stand in the kitchen as Jack paces, clothes disheveled and hands gripping his sweaty grey curls.

“𝘑𝘢𝘤𝘬, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦. 𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱. 𝘞𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘝𝘈. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘱–”

“𝘕𝘖!” he shouts loud enough to make you freeze.

“𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘵.”

You’re still frozen in your spot with tears rapidly forming.

He turns to you and immediately regrets his words.

“𝘉𝘢𝘣𝘺,” he says gently as he approaches you “𝘐-𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺. 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵.”

You nod silently as he pulls you into his arms.

—--

This had been the worst argument in the last few weeks

Jack had recently been struggling with his ptsd and the feelings that came with it.

Depression, anxiety, anger, etc.

Your heart broke for him but you could only do so much to help.

He would shut down any talk of therapy or getting help.

He was managing just fine, he thought.

Then it started to boil over.

Outbursts, spiraling, and tumultuous emotions.

You didn’t understand his past life in the military and how it affected him. You wish you could. All you wanted to do was help.

But things were coming to a breaking point.

One that neither of you wanted but one that was coming.

One you never saw coming.

—--

“𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘑. 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘺.”

The anger in him starts stewing again.

“𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱. 𝘐 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵.”

“𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘑𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘐–”

He doesn’t hear you talking.

His mind is racing over the fact he’s hurting you by not getting help. By letting his unresolved trauma fester until it explodes with you in the crossfire.

It cant keep going on like this.

He can’t keep seeing you cry and watch your heart break over him.

What he’s going to do next is going to break you both but he can’t let his words and actions continue to hurt you.

“𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦.”

You look at him “𝘊𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵?”

He looks up as he gears up to say it.

“𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴.” he says as he point back and forth between you two.

You shake your head “𝘕𝘰. 𝘑𝘢𝘤𝘬, 𝘯𝘰. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥-𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵. 𝘋𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘑.”

You step forward to grab his hand but he takes a step back.

“𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘶𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴.”

Tears stream down your face as your heart races.

“𝘑𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘞𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘐’𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘺 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯. 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳. 𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦. 𝘐 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘋𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦?”

He drags his hands down his face.

“𝘖𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵. 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘢𝘮𝘯 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘴. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐’𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳.”

Your sobs echo in the silent apartment.

“𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘑𝘢𝘤𝘬, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶! 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶! 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘦. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐’𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳!”

He walks up to you slowly and hesitantly pulls you into his chest.

Sobs wrack your body.

This can’t be it.

But unfortunately it is.

You both end up in bed one last time.

You don’t hear him as he packs a bag.

You don’t hear him as he kisses your forehead one last time with a quiet ‘i love you’.

And you don’t hear him as he leaves the apartment.

Sadly, you’ll never hear from him once over the next five years.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌*𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳*﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

He still looks the same as he did the last night you saw him. Soft eyes, grey curls, some stubble on his face, and just as handsome as ever.

“Hey.” 

It’s all you can get out.

You didn’t know if he even worked here anymore. You were going to check and then keep trying elsewhere, hoping he hadn’t left Pittsburgh. Let alone the state .

He’s still staring at you in shock.

“Sweetheart…” he softly mutters

The endearment grips your heart.

You hadn’t heard his voice in so long.

“C-Can we talk?” you ask with hesitancy but hope.

He nods as he moves forward and places a hand on the small of your back and leads you to an empty room.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Jack hopes you don’t feel the tremble of his hand that guiding you.

He remembers the last time he ever saw you. He remembers that emotionally charged night. The one where he broke your heart.

After he left that night he crashed at Robby’s place and only went back to the apartment when he knew for sure you had moved out.

It took a about a year before he decided to try therapy. Thank god he did because things started feeling a little better and he was finally able to start processing his emotions and trauma.

He quickly realized you had only suggested this to help him and not make him feel inferior. That you loved him enough to bring it up.

And what did he do? He pushed you away. 

The love of his life.

Jack never got over you. He regretted breaking off the engagement but was too ashamed to contact you.

So he waited.

After two years of therapy, two years of doing the work to take care of himself, he vowed that if he ever saw you again he’d get you back.

There wasn’t anyone else for him but you.

——-

He swallows hard as he pulls the curtain shut behind him.

You’re here.

Still the most gorgeous woman he’s ever seen. Even more gorgeous than that night if it was even possible.

He watches as you stand a few feet from him, wringing your fingers in your hands.

You always did that when you were nervous.

“You look good J.” you say with a small smile 

He shakes his head lightly, hands in his pockets.

“You’re still gorgeous as ever, sweetheart.”

There’s a few moments of silence before he speaks again.

“I’ve missed you...” his voice breaks a little at the end.

“I missed you too Jack. So much.”

He takes a step closer.

“What are you doing here? I know I overheard you tell Dana you were looking for me.”

He watches you swallow hard.

“I uh, this might seem a little too late or dumb or… I don’t know. But Jack, I still love you.”

His heart feels like it skips a beat.

You love him? Still?

You don’t hate him for that night?

This was the opportunity he had waited years to have.

“Y-You do?” he asks nervously 

Your head nods as you take a step forward and you grab one of his hands.

You pull your necklace from under you shirt and his eyes immediately see it.

It’s the engagement ring he gave you.

He immediately starts tearing up.

“I didn’t understand what you were going through. I know I’ll never truly know but I see that I didn’t handle things the right way back then. But I found people,”

You take a pause.

“People who could relate. To you and to me. They listened and they helped me learn how to be there for you.”

Jack’s heart races as he listens, trying to hold the tears back.

God he didn’t deserve you.

“I wanted to be ready to be there for you better before I found you again. I’m sorry it took so long.”

You look down and wring your hands again.

“I understand if it’s too late. I don’t know if you even have someone el—“

“No.” he interrupts you “There’s no one else. There’s no replacing you.”

Your heart beats faster at his words.

“I went to therapy.” he starts

“You were right. It’s what I needed and I was too angry to see it then. I wish I had seen it earlier . Saved us all of this. But I’ve been doing the work. I wanted to do better, be better if I ever got the chance to see you again. If that’s an option...”

Your hands gently hold the sides of his face.

“Jack Abbot, there’s never been anyone else for me. Never will be.”

A tear falls down his cheek as he leans close 

His lip trembles as he gathers the words.

“Can you forgive me, sweetheart?” he whispers through tears.

“Will you still marry me?”

A few tears fall from your eyes as you let out a small laugh “Yes and yes but no take backs, Abbot.”

That one pulls a full smile from him

“Yeah, no take backs sweetheart.”

You lean in and kiss him hard. When you pull apart, a breath away, he hears you whisper

“I’m so glad I found you.”

Thank god you did.

He holds you tight, afraid to let go.

He wouldn’t mess it up this time.

Not now, not ever again.