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I collapsed onto a bench and sighed heavily. This Mason Rolle is in second grade, and he’s just played the most intense game of tag in his life—one where a couple of big, bad bullies (namely, Dominic) chased him for at least fifteen minutes across the playground during recess.
Shortly after I sat down, Tyrus took a seat next to me and nudged his shoulder against mine. He gave me a look, one that was characterized by his typical nose-scrunching frown and puppy dog eyes that could almost beat Rufus’s. Almost.
He took his glasses off and began rubbing the fog off of them with his shirt. “That was murder,” he heaved, sounding as exhausted as I felt. While I was being chased, I didn’t stop for a second to think that Tyrus, who was less athletic than I was, was also caught up in the whole mess. “I don’t wanna stand up until next Christmas.”
I grunted in approval. Just then, second-grade Tyrus sat up and began picking at his thumbnail. “Dude,” he began. “Did you know that girls are, like, always covered in blood or something?”
“What?” I answered in the little-kid voice that somehow never got less squeaky as I progressed into middle school. “Gross. That makes no sense.”
“No, my mom told me all about it last night,” he insisted. “Every month, girls just start bleeding and they have to cover it up with napkin stuff.”
“Eugh,” was my comment. I turned to him. “Y’know, I don’t think I’ll ever like a girl. All that stuff is too gross.”
“Me neither.” Tyrus confirmed. “We should swear on it,” He bent over and grabbed a wood chip off of the playground flooring. “On this. I swear to never have a girlfriend!” He proclaimed loudly. Somehow, even little-kid me knew that he wouldn’t have much trouble keeping that promise. Not because he thought that girls were icky at the time, but because every girl that was on the playground backed away from us at the sound of his voice.
“Me too!” I replied. We sealed the deal with our secret handshake and continued talking as usual.
Four years later, me and Tyrus entered middle school, and by that I mean our worlds were flipped upside down. That year, Miggy and Kennedy got together, and it was the biggest news since they hit the second tower. Me and Tyrus never entered the loop that the popular kids seemed to navigate so easily, so we didn’t care very much. Besides, we had each other, and that was all we needed. Or, at least I thought so.
“Yeah,” Tyrus agreed with me one day whilst we were locked in a deep conversation about school gossip that we were approximately three months late too. “Kinda, sucks, though, because Kennedy’s really pretty. Miggy’s too dumb for her.”
And I just kinda… stared at him? I guess I was confused. There weren’t many moments where me and my best friend weren’t on the exact same wavelength, but this was one of them. And he’d said it as if it were just common knowledge. After I stared at him with a blank face for a generous moment, his face lit up as if he’d only just realized what he’d said.
He tried to go back on his words. “No—I mean, uh, not like that—just… she’s popular, y’know? It’s only fair to accept that she’s also good-looking.”
“No, no, don’t be embarrassed, you’re right. I just…” My words trailed off. All I ever hear about is what it’s like to fall in love with someone and get married and have kids with them. Was I supposed to be thinking about that stuff too? While I wasn’t looking, romance became everyone else’s world, I was just… falling behind, I suppose. Was I supposed to find a girl that I thought was pretty? To my surprise, I realized that I’d never even considered it before. Was there something wrong with me?
I didn’t even realize that I’d spaced out until Tyrus awkwardly clicked his tongue. Eventually, we got over it and conversation flowed between the two of us like normal, but even then, the thought still lingered in the back of my mind.
By the time I entered high school, my flaw finally had a name: Aromanticism. I wasn’t big on labels, but the whole term fit my experiences so well that I thought the entire title was created with me in mind. In seventh grade, I finally felt that flicker of emotion with Ava, and thought that things were finally starting to look up for me. No chance. The flame was stomped out before it got even the slightest chance to grow into anything real, which distanced me from the whole romance thing even more.
Now, I’ve learned to accept that maybe all the hand-holding and the loving gazes and the hiding-behind-the-bleachers-to-make-out just wasn’t for me, and that’s okay. In retrospect, I guess I should’ve noticed earlier. Even now, when I look at people, I don’t think about how attractive they are or who they’re “with”. To me, they’re just human. And that’s enough for me.