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The ride to the airport was long, because no one ever got to anywhere within Manila without sitting through at least three hours of traffic.
The only two voices wafting across inside of the car was that of Raissa's parents. Pride coloring their voices as they spoke of all the American experiences that their daughter was sure to enjoy in a more economically stable country- The land of the free, the home of the brave.
Jo shoots her a smile every now and then when she looks away from the window and finds her gaze meeting the long-haired girl's, her spirit always carrying forward. Every single time it happens, Raissa is reminded of the night her mother called her friend a boulder and her daughter a rocket. Every single time she pushes the memory away with a stubborn defiance that strengthens her conviction.
Jo isn't a boulder, the girl holding her hand has never been an immovable object.
Raissa remembers each stage of her friend's voice saying "Tayo na!" from childhood to earlier today when she snapped her out of her final gaze around her pink covered childhood room. She focuses on the warmth of their joint hands, intertwined by the fingers and almost grimaces to herself when she realizes just how sweaty her own palm is.
But then Jo, gazing back at her once more for the nth time, lightly squeezes her hold with a soft but grounding smile. As quick as a snap, her cheeks are suddenly burning with something other than embarrassment as she squeezes back as her heart hammers against her chest with a feeling she's been well acquainted with since that day outside the principal's office.
Jo has never held her back, she has always been her momentum. And as the great but ugly building of NAIA begins to loom over them: Raissa wonders how a rocket could soar without.
(She knows it can't.)
She's shaken out of her spiral when Jo excitedly shakes their hand, pointing out the window with her thumb and smiling that bright, beaming smile that tells Raisa she's excited for her friend's new adventure.
"Tayo na?"
It used to be Jo who wanted things to stay as it was; Raissa who wanted to move forward. Now she's the one who wants to beg for things to not change, to pull the opposite way of where Jo is pointing towards and hide from the world until its vastness shrinks back down to just the two of them like it used to be. But it's the first time Jo has said those two words softly, and Raissa has always been so so quick to go along with the one who has had her heart from the start.
Nakali taught her to hold on so she does with all her strength, she fought a demon to keep Jo by her side and so today she'll fight for meagre seconds she can steal from the day to spend with her friend.
Together they climb out of the car, and Raissa wishes that their hands never have to let go of each other.
The parents are holding onto each other and crying tears of joy and waving goodbye at their baby girl before she's even really left. Raissa loves them but can't help but feel a little bit embarrassed about the theatrics.
Jo easily lifts the luggages out of the trunk with her free hand, her grip on Raissa's hand still sure and secure. The closing 'thunk' of the lid further fuelling her excitement for her friend, proud of the journey that Raissa had decided for herself.
She takes a moment to smile to herself as she looks at the locks on Raissa's bags, ensuring that the zippers are properly secured and that nothing was shaken out of place on the bumpy way to the airport. Today's the day for change and in a few moments, Raissa will be taking the first big step towards a future she has worked so hard for.
They walk slowly towards the entrance doors in silence, emotions running high but opposite. She can feel it, even if Raissa puts on a smile of false bravado whenever she has tried today to encourage her friend to speak her truth. But it's okay, she knows that Raissa will speak out loud in her own time.
She's itching to bite the bullet, itching to fall back into old habits and demand what she wants. But with a steady inhale and a slow exhale, Jo steadies herself.
Jo can feel how sweaty Raissa's palm is, feels how her fingertips are colder than they normally are and she knows that she'll soon have to let go of her friend's hand. But it's okay.
Nakali had taught her to trust in the longevity of bonds, so she extends her newfound patience and stands tall with confident belief that their futures will only get brighter from here on out.
Together they walk towards the airport doors in a pace that's comfortable for the both of them. She's never had that much faith in gods but she holds faith in their connection's ability to survive a few thousand miles.
"Good luck out there. Wag masyadong magpuyat, ha?"
Her throat feels weirdly itchy. The smile on her face feels real but strained. She's proud and terrified at the same time, and Jo inwardly scolds herself for faltering to keep it together. Raissa needs a rock to hold her steady and she'll be damned if she doesn't keep it together for the girl who stood by her for almost their entire lives.
The taller girl forces herself to smile back. Holding her frayed composure in a tight grasp, keeping her gaze fixed on the doors she'll have to force herself to enter in a moment, unable to meet Jo's eyes in fear of falling apart.
"Don't worry, you know I can take care of myself."
Raissa's vision starts blurring as her eyes start burning at the corners, and Jo's hold on her hand starts loosening as her lungs starts getting heavier. The shorter girl keeps her eyes trained on her friend and lays a fleeting touch on the small of her back before giving a gentle push that encourages Raissa to walk.
"Go on, wouldn't wanna miss this flight!"
She hears the earnest cheer in Jo's voice and feels nothing but dread in her own heart as she allows the gentle push to be her momentum she needed to move. Unblinking eyes trained on the threshold of the door as she gets closer and closer, Raissa can't help but feel like she's back in that moment where she's leaving Jo behind on the mouth of that cave as the portal pulls her back to their world.
Two white knuckled grips around the handles of her luggage. Twenty seconds. Ten steps. Two shaking exhales. One blink of her eyes and tears running down her cheeks.
That's how much Raissa can force herself to bear before she's turning around and running back to Jo's arms as fast as she can.
"I can't lose you. I'm afraid of losing you. Di ko kaya nang wala ka."
The statement, the fear, and the confession comes tumbling out as quickly as the tears slip free from the corner of her eyes, catching Jo off-guard.
There's more she wants to say, something deeper she wants to confess. But the fear of a painful loss makes a coward out of Raissa and she's paralysed holding Jo as close as she can manage, her tongue turned to lead as the heavy words refuse to turn from thought to sound.
"I'm nothing without you."
Raissa has already said it once. On her knees and holding onto a dying hope as her Jo's visage fades to nothing infront of her- She wonders if she's only capable of speaking her most vulnerable truth when loss is imminent, and hates herself for it.
She wants to explain, to finally pour her feelings out like the incessant downpour of rain whenever a typhoon passes through their country. But her tongue remains unmoving and she wonders if she's only ever going to be able to confess when it's too late, and hates her lack of strength for it.
For someone who prides herself on punctuality, she despises her inability to actually show up now that it truly matters.
The hug is too tight and Jo feels Raissa's panic before her mind registers it as a fact, she can't breath and she can barely move her arms and it feels like her bones might snap but it's a hug and each one from Raissa is always the best one in her mind until the next hug comes along.
Jo rests her head on the space where the other girl's neck and shoulders meet.
"You won't lose me."
A simple whispered statement, and Jo punctuates it by gently pressing a kiss to the spot where her lips can meet Raissa's skin. The fabric of the taller girl's shirt blocks the contact, but it burns against her flesh like she was bare anyways.
"Walang ako pag walang ikaw."
The words are muffled and Jo's lips stay where they are. Raissa laughs while choking on her happiness, relieved and overjoyed because of course Jo had made it- The lack of time to explain- work.
Jo knows now, she tells herself and rejoices. Twice she almost lost her girl and twice they've snapped back to each other like magnets.
Of course Jo made it work, of course Jo heard her even if she couldn't say it out loud. Of course Jo. Of course, it's Jo.
Little by little, Raissa's arms loosen. Minute by minute she gathers herself, and when Jo can finally move her arms she returns the hug albeit a lot more gently than Raissa did. When they pull away to look at each other with truthful gazes for the first time today: Raissa finally speaks what was really on her mind.
"I don't want us to... Change."
Jo shrugs her shoulders with an easy going demeanor, confident in her next words.
"The world changes every day. But us?"
She holds both of Raissa's hands in hers, bringing them up to her lips and placing a kiss on the back of each one. It was light, it was soft, and it was swift- But it made the taller girl feel unstoppable anyway.
"We'll always be us."
Jo walks Raissa back to her abandoned luggages, their fingers intertwined again as she takes one of the luggages in her free hand. Escorting her childhood friend to the threshold step by step, her hold a source of strength for the other girl as they prepare to tackle this new journey apart but together all the same.
Stopping at the front, Jo turns to the girl beside her. Unshakeable pride in her eyes as she meets Raissa's gaze for the last time in what will be a pretty long time.
"You helped me reach my dream. Now let me help you reach yours."