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The sparkler ignites, bathing Suzuki in a warm fuzzy light. At his side, Serizawa watches him in silence. Suzuki knows this without having to look: the weight of the other's gaze caresses him, a soft prickly sensation on the side of his face. Always there, with an intensity that Suzuki doesn't know what to do with. What he wants to do, he can't ever again. Serizawa likes someone else.
Suzuki can't risk ruining what they have. It's a fragile thing, the bond they share, something born out of luck and coincidence and the kindness of Serizawa's heart. His openness. Even in another life, Suzuki wouldn't know how to grow to be like him – how to reach out for others without fear, to grab their hand and never let go. That's what Serizawa did when he found his novel, and then every day after that, relentless in his pursuit, making sure Suzuki was included and safe and heard and comfortable.
I genuinely think you're amazing.
Suzuki, you're adorable.
Thinking back to it, it would be so easy to let himself be swept away by the fantasy and believe that Serizawa's actions might mean something more than what Suzuki dares to hope, but it can't be, because the facts don't add up. They didn't even know each other in their freshman year, and Serizawa was already a fan of BL when they started their friendship, and...
You're number one, Suzuki.
Suzuki opens his mouth without even realizing what he's gonna say next: “Serizawa, did you already know I liked BL novels when we were freshmen?”
The answer is quick to come, “Yes”, and here it is again, Serizawa's intense gaze burning into Suzuki's eyes. He looks so serious, it makes Suzuki's insides burst in a warm flutter of butterfly wings.
“How... How did you know?”
Serizawa smiles. “I saw you in the library. You were there all the time, reading something, and you looked so... You had this dreamy expression on your face a lot of the time, and it made me curious”. Serizawa lowers his gaze to the ground. “I wanted to know what it was that... could make you feel like that”.
“Is that why you started reading it too?”
Serizawa nods, still smiling, face glowing in the flickering light of the sparkler burning away in Suzuki's hands. He didn't even make a wish when he lit it up, and now he's too confused to try. The girls said that Serizawa started reading BL because of a crush, a secret crush he's harbored since his freshman year. Suzuki didn't even know that Serizawa was aware of his existence back then, but he said that he was, that he saw him in the library and started reading BL because of him – him, and not Takeuchi.
Suzuki whips his gaze away. Heat spreads to his cheeks and ears and the back of his neck, embarrassment and anxiety mixed up with a sudden spark of hope. He goes through all the evidence he's gathered once again. It makes sense, but what if he's only playing with his own delusional desires? Maybe the girls got it wrong.
“Suzuki...” Serizawa inches closer. Their shoulders touch, warmth seeping through the thin layers of fabric that separate them. “Do you have someone you like?”
Suzuki holds his breath for a long few seconds before letting out a trembling exhale. He nods, still too scared to raise his head and look straight at Serizawa. The sparkler in his hand is almost out.
“Who is it?”
Suzuki opens his mouth to answer, but the words – the word, that single name that could change everything – refuse to come. Serizawa is staring at him, eyes wide and unwavering as if in search of something, and Suzuki can only hope he finds it on his own. He's too much of a coward, he realizes.
What if he's wrong?
Even scarier, what if he's right?
Serizawa leans a little bit closer. The sparkler is as beautiful reflected in his irises as it is in Suzuki's hands. He whispers, “Can you tell me?”
Suzuki feels transported back in time to that day at the aquarium, the practice date that maybe had been real all along. He sees that same light in Serizawa's eyes now, the one he saw when Serizawa kissed him in front of the bridge. Suzuki thought he'd taken advantage of his kindness then, but now realizes that Serizawa has always been the one reaching out to him. The hugs on the school rooftop, the constant invites, the endless conversations; that evening at his house, when a sick Serizawa had held him close, back pressed against his chest, and Suzuki had felt warm and safe and yet too nervous to even entertain the idea that Serizawa might've gained something from that as well...
That he might've wanted him.
Is Serizawa gonna kiss him again? For a second, he seems to be going to. Then a sad smile blooms on his lips, and he shakes his head, pulling back. “Sorry, I got carried away again”. He lets out a chuckle – not an amused sound, but something self-chastising that makes Suzuki's heart ache. “I said I'd be more patient”.
I'll move at your pace, Suzuki.
How blind has he been this whole time?
The sparkler dies in his hand, leaving them alone in their dimly lit corner. Suzuki's fingers tighten around it. “Serizawa”, he calls, voice trembling a little. He can't back down now, can't let Serizawa think for another second that Suzuki doesn't care about him in the same way that he does.
Serizawa turns to him. Suzuki squeezes his eyes shut, takes a deep breath and kisses him on the mouth. Well, at least that's the intention, but he's pretty sure he missed it and landed somewhere between his chin and bottom lip. He's too afraid to check.
Mortified, Suzuki pulls back. “Uh, sorry”, he forces out, a little breathless and high-pitched and so embarrassing. Has he ruined everything with his clumsiness?
But Serizawa doesn't look angry, or annoyed, or even amused by his awkwardness. He's wide-eyed and awestruck at first, and then his lips slowly curve in a smile that makes Suzuki feel weak. If he was standing now, his legs would fail him.
“Again”, Serizawa says, gently cupping the sides of Suzuki's face.
Suzuki's shoulders rise up to his ears. “Uh?”
“Let me kiss you again”.
Suzuki nods, incapable of saying anything else. His whole face is burning, and his hands are trembling like they always do whenever he does something scary. Serizawa's thumb traces the underside of his eye, then gently brushes against his eyelashes. Suzuki's eyes close again. The next second, Serizawa's lips are on his.
It's a soft kiss, like the one they shared after their date at the aquarium – only a thousand times better, because now Suzuki knows that it's real, and that Serizawa wants it – wants him – just as much as he does. Suzuki can't help but smile into it, pleased and shy, and then Serizawa's doing the same, till they're smile against smile, soft laugh against soft laugh, both still close enough to breathe each other's happiness.
Serizawa pulls back just enough to look in Suzuki's eyes. “Took you long enough. I was dying over here”.
Suzuki's eyes widen with guilt. “Sorry”.
Serizawa shakes his head. His gaze is soft. “No, it was cute. You're very cute, Suzuki”, he whispers, angling his head to the side to give him another kiss. “But I'm happy I get to do this now”.
Tentatively, Suzuki lets his hand rise to the side of Serizawa's neck. His thumb presses lightly underneath his jaw. Suzuki can feel his heartbeat there, as fast as his own. Happiness has its own rhythm.
“I'm happy too”, he says.
“Is this as good as the novels?”
“No”. Suzuki smiles. “It's so much better”.