Chapter Text
Even shouts his usual “Halla1?” as they walk into the house, smiling at Isak when there’s no reply. They’ve just gotten off school, and Even had suggested they go back to his place to watch a movie on his laptop. Most of the time this meant cuddling in Even’s lofted bed, exchanging jokes and soft kisses.
It happens maybe once a week, and Isak loves these days more than he’ll ever let Even know. It always starts during lunch, when his boyfriend brings up some obscure title or reference Isak’s never heard of, and Even immediately becomes enamored with the idea of watching said film with him.
Isak loves the way he looks when he’s excited - there’s this light in his eyes, and Isak will do anything to keep it there.
He loves the way they lie together, so close he can feel Even’s heartbeat. He loves the sharp breaths Even takes when they get to his favorite parts. He’ll whisper that he “really likes this bit,” but Isak always knows.
Today’s film is ET. Isak knows (in theory) what the movie’s about, but he’s never actually watched it. Sort of in the way most people know about Romeo and Juliet but haven’t read the play. Still, Even insists that Isak absolutely has to watch it to appreciate it properly.
It’s only a few minutes before they’re on the couch in the living room - not the bed this time, because Even wants to take advantage of the blessing that is an empty house - sharing a bag of chips.
“So where is everyone then?” Isak asks, and Even sighs, fiddling with the tv remote.
“Dad’s at work till 16:00, and Thea, Sofia, and Felix are at school. Thea doesn’t get home til 16:30 usually, because Mom picks her up. But Sofia and Felix get home around 16:00. Off the bus. So we have…” Even looks at his phone. “About an hour. Before mayhem.”
“Nice.” Isak says, leaning more heavily against Even’s shoulder.
“Fuck yeah, it’s nice.” The older boy says, smiling softly. He kisses Isak’s cheek, running his fingers through his curls.
“How am I supposed to watch a movie with you here distracting me?” He teases, and Even kisses him.
“Hmmm...you'll have to figure it out. There's going to be a quiz.” Even smiles, presses play and starts the movie, as Isak rolls his eyes. He adjusts the blanket so it covers Isak’s feet. The house is notoriously cold, not because there’s anything wrong with the heating, it’s just that Even’s dad has more of “put on a sweater” philosophy when it comes to temperature regulation.
Isak loves Even’s family, almost more than his own. He’s over at Even’s so often it feels like a second home. At least three times a week he visits, and always has dinner with them once or twice. They seem to like him, but he can’t really be sure. He knows where Even got his odd stoicism - his dad is the same way. He always has this placid, almost amused expression, and it’s frustratingly hard to tell what he’s thinking. Still, Isak’s never been kicked out, so he assumes he’s doing pretty well so far.
About a half hour into the movie, Even’s phone starts to ring. He groans in annoyance, but picks it up.
“Halla?2” He flashes Isak a quick smile after a moment, mouthing that it’s his mom. He leans back, and Isak holds his free hand. Even frowns suddenly. “Wait...slow down. What’s happening?” His eyebrows are knitted in confusion. “What do you mean?” Isak is watching him carefully, looking for any sign that could mean something’s really wrong. “No, I don’t know. I don’t know. Mom-” He’s cut off. He’s silent for a few moments, just listening. His face is hardening slowly. “Yeah. I can. I’ll...I’ll let you know.” He sighs heavily. “Yeah. Ok. Jeg er glad i deg, mamma. Ha det.3” He hangs up, and closes his eyes like he’s trying to calm himself down. The changes in his face are almost imperceptible, but after so long, Isak can pick up on them almost without fail.
“That was your mom?” Isak clarifies, and Even nods, taking another deep breath before speaking.
“Thea...ran away from school. She’s not there. They can’t find her.” He says, and Isak can tell he’s struggling to maintain his composure. Thea’s the youngest of his siblings, only 7.
She runs away on a fairly regular basis, and Even always has to be the one to get her to come back home. Isak doesn’t really understand why - he’d never want to pry into anything Even wasn’t comfortable sharing - but he knew that this seemed like it was more serious than normal. Isak knows how much Even loves her. Probably more than he loves anyone in the world, including himself.
Isak knows Even would do anything for that girl, and he also knows Even falls apart when she’s hurt.
“Christ.” It’s all Isak can manage to get out.
“I have to go look for her. I think she might’ve tried to walk home.” Even stands, grabbing his shoes. “I’m sorry, Iss. I just-”
“I can come. If you want me to. I can help.” Even looks surprised.
“You really don’t have to, don’t feel like you have to.” He says, almost embarrassed.
“Of course not. I want to.” He says, standing up, grabbing his own shoes. Even looks frozen. “You don’t want me to come?”
“No, I do. It’s just...a lot. I don’t want you to feel like it’s too much.” His hands are shoved into his pockets. Isak gives him a small smile.
“C’mon. Like I’m just gonna leave you right now? No. Fuck no.” He finishes tying his shoes, and grabs his coat, shrugging it on. Even nods, a grateful, weary smile lingering on his face. He pulls on his own jacket, taking another shaking breath. He laces his fingers in Isak’s.
“Have I told you ‘I love you,’ lately?” He murmurs, and Isak gives him a quick kiss.
“You’ve mentioned it.”
---
They’ve been wandering around for about an hour. They haven’t been speaking, but their breath makes misty conversations about the worries they haven’t revealed to each other.
Isak doesn’t ask where they’re going, just follows. He’s got a suspicion that Even doesn’t really have a plan, and if he were to ask, it might break the fragile confidence the older boy does have. Even had mentioned something about Thea trying to find her way home, but other than that, he hadn’t given any indication as to where they were headed.
So Isak just follows, every so often slipping his hand into Even’s, giving a small squeeze.
Finally, he asks the question neither of them really want to know the answer to.
“What’s going on?”
“It’s a long story,” Even says shortly, though not unkindly.
“I have time.” Even gives a small, subdued laugh, but his smile quickly fades.
“I think she’s manic,” he says, stopping in his tracks for a moment.
“What?” This can’t be right. It has to be some kind of paranoia. Kids run away. They don’t know better.
“Manic. Bipolar. I just...remember. What it was like. When I was her age,” Even says quietly. “And I’m almost sure that’s what’s going on. But I don’t…” he trails off, staring down at his feet. Snow has started falling, and his fingers are trembling. Isak takes one of his hands. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do. If it happens.” He pauses. “She’s just like me. I used to run away too. Same way she does. For the same reasons. Except she’s running to me, and I was…” he hesitates again, staring at their intertwined hands. Isak can tell he’s not really trying to explain things anymore, he’s just getting it all out. Once he started, he couldn’t stop. It was this flood of anxiety, a deluge of words. “I’m glad she has me, I guess, but at the same time I hate that she...needs someone. She shouldn’t need someone in that way. Not yet. I don’t want her to feel like me,” he takes a deep breath. “I want her to be ok,” he stops, swallowing hard, and Isak tightens his hold on Even’s fingers.
“But you’re ok,” Isak says, looking up at Even’s face. He doesn’t meet his gaze.
“It’s gonna kill me. If it happens,” Even says, and Isak knows immediately what he’s referring to. A diagnosis. Up to this point, it’d just been Even’s speculation. It was all nebulous. But if she was diagnosed, it would all be real. Every worry and every anxious word would be laid out in front of him.
Isak doesn’t respond, just wraps his arms wordlessly around Even, pulling him close. Even hugs him back, burying his face in Isak’s neck.
They stand there, pressed against each other, for what seems like ages before Even’s phone starts to ring in his pocket. He pulls it out with shaking fingers, answering it quickly. Isak pulls back slightly, leaving one arm around his waist and one hand moving to ghost over Even’s chest. He’s not sure if it’s his imagination, but he can almost feel the pounding of Even’s heartbeat.
“Halla, Mamma,4” he says. After a moment, he lets out a heavy breath. “Ok. So-” he gets cut off. “Why?” more silence. His breath makes clouds in the air. He still won’t look Isak in the eye. It feels like a long time before he speaks again and breaks the cold silence. “Ok. I’m coming.” He hangs up and takes another deep breath.