Work Text:
The first time, he read it quickly, almost mechanically, the same way he read dozens of emails, reports, and documents every day when they landed in his work inbox and required a reply, a decision, or at least a brief acknowledgment. The second time, he read it much more slowly, letting his gaze linger on several sentences and returning to them as though changing the pace might somehow change their meaning, might make the offer presented in polite, professional language suddenly seem less tempting. The third time, he read it because he still could not decide what he was actually supposed to do with it. Close it. Reply. Ask for a few days to think. Refuse immediately, before he allowed himself to take the possibility seriously and began imagining things he perhaps should not want at all.
It was not simply an offer to change jobs. If it had been, he probably would not be sitting in his office now, long after most of the employees had already left the building, staring at the screen as intently as though the answer to a question he did not want to ask himself might be hidden somewhere between the paragraphs. It was about building a new department from the ground up in a growing company, assembling his own team, developing its operating principles, taking responsibility for a project that, for the first few months, would demand an enormous amount of work, travel, and decision-making with no one higher in the hierarchy to whom he could pass the responsibility. The position was better. The salary was significantly better, although after Fan Xiao entered his life, money had stopped being a problem in a way that still irritated You Shulang more than he wanted to admit. But the most important thing was something else entirely.
It would be his.
His department. His people. His decisions.
Something he could build starting with the first empty desk, instead of stepping into an existing structure and spending the next several years learning how to smooth over conflicts between people he had not chosen, repair the mistakes of those above him, and make other people's ideas seem reasonable enough to implement without driving the company into disaster. You Shulang was good at that. Really good. Over the years, he had perfected the art of being the person who could walk into a room full of irritated people, listen to everyone, calm the situation, and find a solution no one else had noticed before. He did not mind it. He had never needed to be the center of attention or to receive praise for every thing he did well. Knowing that everything worked had always been enough.
But did the fact that he did not mind something mean it was what he wanted?
That question was considerably more uncomfortable.
You Shulang sighed softly and closed the laptop.
He did not reply.
It was only an offer, after all.
He could turn it down tomorrow.
+++
Fan Xiao knew something was wrong before You Shulang had even taken off his shoes.
Not because there was anything particularly suspicious on his face. Quite the opposite. You Shulang looked exactly as he did almost every evening after work: his movements were calm, his suit jacket folded neatly over his arm instead of carelessly draped across it, his tie loosened only enough to stop pressing against his throat, his hair having fallen slightly over his forehead after a long day, yet even exhaustion could not rob him of that irritating, natural neatness that sometimes made Fan Xiao want to deliberately muss his hair just to see whether the world would stop turning.
The problem was that Fan Xiao knew him too well.
He knew the difference between a sigh that meant exhaustion and one that meant irritation. He knew how You Shulang set down his phone when he intended to look at it again in five minutes, and how he set it down when he truly had no intention of returning to it. He knew that when the man rubbed the side of his index finger with his thumb, he was usually thinking intensely about something, and that when he did not complain within the first few minutes of coming home about Fan Xiao's shoes being left in the wrong place, his mind was probably occupied by something else.
Fan Xiao did not consider this knowledge obsessive.
It was precise.
There was a difference.
At least according to him.
You Shulang would probably have had a different opinion on the matter.
“Long day?” Fan Xiao asked, looking up from his phone even though he had not read a single sentence on the screen for several minutes, because all of his attention had already shifted toward the entrance.
“Normal.”
The answer came too quickly.
Fan Xiao put his phone down.
You Shulang went into the kitchen, poured himself a glass of water, drank half of it, and only then seemed to notice the silence behind him. He turned his head. Fan Xiao was still sitting on the sofa, but the way he was looking at him made You Shulang narrow his eyes at once.
“No.”
“I haven't said a word yet.”
“That's exactly why I'm saying no.”
Fan Xiao raised his eyebrows.
“That's very unfair. Maybe I only wanted to ask what we're having for dinner.”
“You don't look at me like that when you're thinking about dinner.”
“Like what?”
You Shulang sighed.
“Like you're trying to decide whether it would be easier to interrogate me yourself or have someone check my correspondence.”
Fan Xiao considered his answer for a few seconds, then smiled faintly.
“Myself. It would be more enjoyable.”
“Fan Xiao.”
“I haven't checked your correspondence.”
You Shulang looked at him more closely.
“Yet.”
“This lack of trust wounds me.”
You Shulang almost snorted. Almost, because he had apparently decided that even such a small reaction would be treated by Fan Xiao as a victory. So he set the glass on the counter and headed toward the bedroom, but he had not even taken three steps before he felt an arm settle loosely around his waist. Fan Xiao did not stop him by force. He did not pull him closer. He simply walked behind him for several steps in exactly the same position, his chin almost resting on You Shulang's shoulder, leaving him with a choice: either let Fan Xiao remain glued to his back all the way to the bedroom, or stop.
He stopped.
“What happened?”
This time Fan Xiao's voice was different.
No joke. No provocation. None of that familiar note that almost always suggested the man already knew something and was merely waiting for You Shulang to admit the truth on his own.
You Shulang said nothing for a moment. He could feel the warmth of Fan Xiao's body against his back, his breath brushing over the skin of his neck, and the weight of the arm around him—firm enough to remind him of its presence, light enough that he could pull away at any moment. It was a small difference. Once, perhaps, he would not even have noticed it.
Now he noticed things like that.
Fan Xiao did too.
“I got a job offer today.”
The arm around his waist tightened almost imperceptibly.
Almost.
You Shulang closed his eyes for a second.
Of course.
“From whom?”
“Don't start.”
“I only asked from whom.”
“And then you'll ask for the company name, the president's name, the amount of their capital, and probably the license plate number of the man who sent the message.”
Fan Xiao was silent for a brief moment.
“The license plate number isn't necessary.”
You Shulang turned his head to look at him over his shoulder.
“Was that supposed to reassure me?”
“No.”
At least he was honest.
Fan Xiao did, however, release him and step half a pace back. He did not look pleased. He did not look angry either. His face settled into that particular calm expression You Shulang knew far too well, the one that usually meant several plans were forming in his head at once, at least half of them violating the rules of polite behavior and the rest brushing dangerously close to something much worse.
You Shulang raised one finger.
“Don't do anything.”
“I haven't done anything yet.”
“I can see that.”
“What can you see?”
“You're thinking.”
Fan Xiao looked genuinely offended.
“I didn't know that was forbidden now.”
“In your case, sometimes it should be.”
Despite everything, You Shulang felt some of the tension in his chest loosen. He did not want this conversation to be difficult. He did not even know why, from the moment he read the message, he had assumed it would be. Fan Xiao was Fan Xiao. Possessive, jealous, irritatingly accustomed to having influence over everything close enough for him to consider it part of his world. And You Shulang was far too important a part of that world for Fan Xiao ever to pretend indifference.
That was why You Shulang had spent the entire day constructing arguments.
The new job would mean travel.
More responsibilities.
Probably fewer evenings together during the first few months.
The company was in another city, and although that did not mean a permanent move would be necessary, during the first stage of the project You Shulang would have to spend at least three days a week there.
Fan Xiao had his own work.
His own obligations.
His own life.
Their life.
You Shulang had prepared all those arguments like a man who, before negotiations had even begun, had already assumed the other side would be against him.
Fan Xiao looked at him for a moment, then asked a question You Shulang had not prepared to hear.
“Do you want the job?”
You Shulang opened his mouth.
Then closed it.
It was absurd. A simple question. Four words. Nothing more. And yet he felt as though Fan Xiao had suddenly pulled the chair out from under him at the exact moment he was about to sit down.
“It's not that simple.”
“I didn't ask if it was simple.”
“I'd have to spend several days a week out of town.”
“I know.”
You Shulang frowned.
“How do you know?”
Fan Xiao froze.
Only for a second.
“It was a logical possibility.”
“Fan Xiao.”
“I didn't read your email.”
“That isn't what I'm asking.”
Fan Xiao sighed with the exaggerated suffering of a man being forced to testify under pressure.
“I saw the company name on your phone screen. I looked them up.”
You Shulang closed his eyes.
“Of course.”
“I didn't contact anyone.”
“Is that supposed to be comforting?”
“Very.”
You Shulang looked at him and, to his own annoyance, felt the corner of his mouth twitch.
Fan Xiao noticed immediately.
Of course.
“Do you want it?” he asked again, more quietly this time.
You Shulang looked away.
He could say no.
It would be easier.
He could list every reason why changing jobs would be inconvenient. Loyalty to his current team. The project that still required his supervision. The need to train a successor. Travel. A change in the rhythm of his life. Risk. Responsibility. Tiantian. Fan Xiao...
He could find dozens of sensible arguments.
The problem was that none of them answered the question.
“Yes.”
The word left his mouth much more quietly than he had intended.
Fan Xiao said nothing.
You Shulang swallowed.
“I think so. I'd like to try. It's... a different position. I wouldn't be the person whose job is simply to make other people's decisions work. I could build my own team. Set the rules from the beginning. Choose the people. Organize the project the way I think makes sense instead of spending half my time fixing things someone did wrong several months earlier.” He stopped, suddenly realizing that he was speaking faster than usual. “They have a really interesting plan. I read the preliminary materials. If it could actually be carried out...”
He trailed off.
Fan Xiao was looking at him.
It was not the look he had expected.
There was no irritation in it.
No cold calculation.
There was something soft there, almost dangerously soft, the kind of expression that sometimes appeared on Fan Xiao's face when You Shulang did something completely ordinary and he behaved as though he had just been granted permission to witness a miracle.
“What?” You Shulang asked.
Fan Xiao smiled.
“Nothing.”
“Don't look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like an idiot.”
“I can't do anything about my face.”
“That's the first thing I refuse to believe.”
Fan Xiao laughed quietly, then stepped closer. This time he did not put his arms around You Shulang. He simply reached up and adjusted the collar of his shirt, even though there was nothing wrong with it. His fingers remained at the man's neck for a second longer than necessary.
“Then take it.”
You Shulang went still.
“What?”
“Take the job.”
“Fan Xiao.”
“Don't say my name in that tone when I'm being reasonable. It discourages further personal growth.”
You Shulang stared at him, genuinely unsure for several seconds what to say.
“I'll be away from home three days a week.”
“For the first few months.”
“Yes.”
“Then I'll be away from home three days a week too.”
You Shulang frowned.
“You can't just move your work.”
Fan Xiao looked at him with genuine surprise.
“Of course I can.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because normal people don't move half their lives to another city just because their partner got a job there.”
Fan Xiao considered that.
“Good thing I've never claimed to be normal.”
It was so absurdly Fan Xiao that You Shulang could do nothing but let out a short laugh.
Fan Xiao immediately looked pleased.
“Besides, I don't have to move everything. I have people. I have phones. I have the internet. I have planes.”
“Fan Xiao.”
“Trains, if you want to be environmentally responsible.”
“That's not the point.”
“Then what is?”
You Shulang looked at him for a long moment. The question that had been sitting somewhere at the back of his mind all day suddenly seemed childish. Stupid. And yet he could not dismiss it completely.
“I thought you wouldn't be happy.”
Fan Xiao's smile disappeared.
Not abruptly. Not completely. It simply softened until something much more sincere remained on his face.
“I'm not.”
You Shulang raised his eyebrows.
“I knew it.”
“I'm not happy that I'll have to see you less three days a week.”
“Fan Xiao...”
“I'm not happy that you'll meet new people.”
You Shulang rolled his eyes.
“Of course.”
“I'm not happy that there will probably be someone there who thinks you're handsome.”
“That's not my problem anymore.”
“It is. You should look worse.”
“I'll try.”
“I don't believe you.”
You Shulang tried to keep a straight face, but it was becoming increasingly difficult.
After a moment, however, Fan Xiao grew serious again. His fingers moved from the collar to the back of You Shulang's neck, where they rested warmly and securely, but without tightening.
“But that doesn't mean you should turn it down.”
The silence that filled the apartment after those words was not unpleasant.
You Shulang looked at him and, somewhere deep beneath all the sensible arguments, began to understand something he perhaps had not wanted to see before.
Fan Xiao could stop him.
Not literally.
Not now.
But he knew him well enough to understand how easily this man could move people, opportunities, and circumstances around until the world took the shape he preferred. A few years earlier, information about an offer like this would probably have been treated as a problem to solve. The person responsible for recruitment might suddenly receive a better offer somewhere else. The company might lose an investor. The project might be bought out, taken over, or transformed.
Fan Xiao could find dozens of ways.
The most important thing, however, was that he had not.
He stood in front of him and said: if you want this, go.
For anyone else, those would have been ordinary words.
For Fan Xiao, they were almost a confession.
You Shulang raised a hand and brushed his fingers over his cheek.
Fan Xiao immediately tilted his head into the touch like a sunflower following the sun.
“Are you really okay with this?”
“No.”
You Shulang narrowed his eyes.
Fan Xiao's smile widened.
“But I will be.”
And that was exactly what made something soft spread through You Shulang's chest.
Not a promise that everything would be easy.
Not pretending that Fan Xiao had suddenly stopped being a jealous, possessive man who would have preferred to keep him close enough to touch without even having to reach out.
Just honesty.
I don't like this.
But it's your life.
So I'll deal with it.
You Shulang kissed him.
It was not an especially passionate kiss. Short, soft, more like a thank-you than anything else. Fan Xiao, however, immediately placed his hands on his waist, and when You Shulang tried to pull away, he drew him back for one more second.
“Was that a reward?”
“No.”
“Too bad. I was ready to behave more often.”
“Don't overdo it. You'll develop bad habits.”
“Too late.”
+++
An hour later, You Shulang realized he had made a mistake.
Not by telling Fan Xiao.
By letting him leave the room with his phone.
When he walked into the study, the man was sitting at the desk with his laptop open in front of him and several sheets of paper lying beside it. A map of the city was displayed on the screen.
You Shulang stopped in the doorway.
“What are you doing?”
Fan Xiao did not even flinch.
“Nothing.”
You Shulang walked closer.
One sheet contained a list of apartments.
Another had train connections.
The third looked suspiciously like a comparison of distances between the company's headquarters, three residential districts, and several restaurants.
You Shulang took a deep breath.
“Fan Xiao.”
“I haven't bought anything.”
“Why do you always have to add a sentence like that immediately?”
“Because I knew that would be your first question.”
“Were you considering buying something?”
Fan Xiao was silent.
“Fan Xiao.”
“One apartment had a very good location.”
You Shulang covered his face with one hand.
“I don't need an apartment.”
“Yet.”
“I can stay in a hotel.”
Fan Xiao looked at him as though he had just suggested sleeping in a train station.
“Three days a week for several months?”
“That's what people do on business trips.”
“We are not those people.”
You Shulang lowered his hand.
“What is that even supposed to mean?”
Fan Xiao shrugged as if the meaning were obvious.
“You're You Shulang.”
The argument was so completely devoid of logic that, for some reason, it was impossible to argue with.
You Shulang walked over to the desk, pushed the papers aside, and sat on its edge.
“You are not buying an apartment.”
“Fine.”
“You are not buying the company.”
Fan Xiao looked away.
“Fan Xiao.”
“I wasn't planning to.”
“Not even part of it.”
“That's very restrictive.”
“No shares either.”
“You Shulang.”
“Not the company, not the building, and not any business connected to my new job.”
Fan Xiao sighed.
“Fine.”
You Shulang studied him suspiciously.
“Don't buy anything without my knowledge.”
Fan Xiao blinked.
“That changes the terms.”
“Fan Xiao.”
“Fine. Fine. I won't buy anything.”
You Shulang slid off the desk and was about to leave when he felt fingers close around his wrist.
“But can I find you a comfortable apartment to rent?”
He stopped.
Looked at him.
This time, Fan Xiao truly looked like someone asking for permission.
Not deciding.
Not arranging things behind his back.
Asking.
You Shulang felt his heart make that irritating, soft little movement he still had not learned how to ignore.
“You can help me find a suitable apartment.”
Fan Xiao brightened immediately.
“Two rooms?”
You Shulang sighed.
“Why two?”
“One can be an office.”
“Mhm.”
“And we need a bigger bed.”
You Shulang raised his eyebrows.
“We?”
Fan Xiao looked at him with perfect innocence.
“I told you I'd be coming.”
“You didn't say you'd be living with me.”
“That was obvious.”
You Shulang tried for several seconds to look annoyed.
He failed.
“Then you're paying half.”
Fan Xiao looked surprised.
“Half?”
“Half.”
“I can pay for all of it.”
“No.”
“Sixty percent?”
“Half.”
“Seventy?”
You Shulang turned toward the door.
“Good night, Fan Xiao.”
“Fifty-five!”
The door closed.
“Fifty-two!”
Laughter drifted in from the hallway.
Fan Xiao fell silent.
For several seconds, he sat completely still in the study, listening as the sound gradually faded through the apartment, and suddenly all the apartments, train schedules, logistical problems, and every inconvenience connected to You Shulang's new job stopped mattering.
He smiled to himself.
Fifty percent would do.
This time.
+++
You Shulang sent his reply the next morning.
He did not do it at work.
He did not do it alone.
He sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee beside his laptop, reading for the last time the few short sentences he had written the previous evening. Fan Xiao stood behind him eating a piece of toast with absolutely no interest in the message, at least if his exaggeratedly indifferent expression was to be believed.
You Shulang did not believe him in the slightest.
“Aren't you going to say anything?”
Fan Xiao chewed calmly.
“You forbade me from interfering.”
“I didn't forbid you from talking.”
“That's a dangerously broad permission.”
You Shulang snorted softly, then looked back at the screen.
The cursor hovered over the send button.
For a moment, he felt that familiar hesitation.
Not fear.
More the weight of knowing that once he clicked, something really would change.
A new job.
A new place.
New people.
New responsibility.
A new opportunity.
Fan Xiao placed a hand on his shoulder.
He did not press.
He did not say, do it.
He was simply there.
You Shulang smiled faintly.
He clicked.
The message was sent.
“Done.”
Fan Xiao leaned down and kissed the top of his head.
“Congratulations, Director You.”
You Shulang looked up at him.
“I haven't accepted the position yet. I only agreed to a meeting.”
“You will.”
“How do you know?”
Fan Xiao smiled that calm, far-too-confident smile of his.
“Because you want it.”
And perhaps that was the most dangerous thing of all.
Not that Fan Xiao knew the names of the people You Shulang met.
Not that he could find information within a few hours about a company You Shulang himself had not yet had time to investigate properly.
Not even that he probably already knew which apartment You Shulang would choose before they viewed the first one together.
The most dangerous thing was that somewhere between all their mistakes, fights, breakups, and reunions, Fan Xiao had learned to tell the difference between what You Shulang needed and what he truly wanted.
And even more dangerous was the fact that instead of using that knowledge to push him in the direction Fan Xiao preferred, this time he had simply opened the door in front of him.
You Shulang reached out, caught him by the shirt, and pulled him closer.
“Fan Xiao?”
“Mhm?”
“You can find us an apartment.”
Fan Xiao smiled immediately.
“I already found three.”
You Shulang closed his eyes.
Of course.
“But...” Fan Xiao added quickly, wrapping his arms around him before the man could stand up and walk away. “I haven't called any of the owners yet.”
You Shulang looked at him suspiciously.
“Really?”
“Really.”
“I'm proud of you.”
Fan Xiao frowned.
“You sound like you're praising a dog.”
“Good Fan Xiao.”
“You Shulang.”
You Shulang was already laughing.
And Fan Xiao, who theoretically ought to have been offended, only pulled him closer and buried his face in the hollow of his neck, because in the end he could survive a great many humiliations if that sound was the reward.
The new job might take You Shulang to another city for several days a week.
It might change their rhythm.
It might bring new people, new responsibilities, new problems, and dozens of things Fan Xiao did not yet know and could not control into their lives.
Once, he would have considered that a threat.
Now, with his arms wrapped around the man he loved more than he had ever intended to love anyone, Fan Xiao thought that perhaps new opportunities did not have to mean something was being taken away from him.
Sometimes they simply meant that life was getting bigger.
And if You Shulang wanted to see how far he could go, Fan Xiao had no intention of standing in his way.
He could always walk beside him.