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There were about twenty minutes left in the free period. Plenty of time for Chara to finish their literature assignment. They took out their papers, lined up their pencils, and began to read the article. They had been dreading this one. Not for any specific reason, it just… it was unsettling. They titled their assignment. Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God. They did not allow themself to dwell on the title.
Perspective: A Puritan preacher during the Great Awakening. They wrote on. They spent a great deal of time on the prework. They had yet to thoroughly read the sermon. They merely found it unnecessary. They could complete the assignment without bothering to read the blasphemous ravings of an unknowledgeable hypocrite. Especially considering the fact that the majority of the assignment was centered around diction and literary choices. They placed their pencil pouch on top of the essay, to better reach their writing utensils. They only needed the pencil they already were writing with.
Inevitably, they came to the comprehension questions. They scoffed to themself. Their professor undoubtedly knew they could comprehend this useless work. They probably could guess on every question and still end up with a palatable grade. They shifted their pencils aside and began to read the hideous thing.
Clover was almost running into the library. They’d finally, finally finished one of their make-up tests, and it’d taken way more time than they thought it would. Apparently there was a back, and a second page, which also had a back. But they didn’t really care, because they still had a decent chunk of time chat with Chara a bit before they went off to different classes again. It really wasn’t fair that they were in so many different classes. They knew why- they were much smarter than them, and much more willing to take the difficult classes that Clover would frankly rather die than step foot in. But whatever.
“Mornin’, Chara!” They said, sitting across from them. They acknowledged them without looking up, head buried in some kind of assignment. Their pens and pencils were scattered on the table, and another paper lay diagonally underneath what they were reading. Clover paused getting out their book. “Are… are ya alright?”
“I am fine. I am merely behind on this assignment,” they said quietly. They closed their eyes rather than look at them. Clover tilted their head. They gathered their pencils and pens and put them back in their pencil bag, putting it parallel to their work, like they usually had it. They sat up, flushing. “I should keep my workspace tidier. I apologize if it’s in your way.”
“Nah, I just thought you’d want it how you like it. Usually you have it like that, so I thought-”
“Oh. Thank you. I’m sorry for misunderstanding,” they said. They wiped their eyes with the back of their sleeve, still hurriedly organizing the rest of their space.
“Are… you’re not alright, are you? Do you want to talk, or somethin’?”
“I must finish this,” they said quietly. “It’s due tomorrow.”
“Well, you should take a break, if it’s freaking you out,” they said. Seeing them flinch, they hurriedly added, “I mean- I mean, it’s upsettin’ ya. You don’t have to do it all right now.”
“I… I suppose I should,” they said, setting aside the papers. They didn’t put them away. “I- I don’t want to burden you with any of this. I truly am okay.”
“S’alright. I’m not doin’ anything else, anyways,” Clover said. “If I can help, I want to.”
They shook their head, knuckles white on their pencil.
“It’s… it’s a… I don’t want to discomfort you. I doubt you will understand, anyways.”
They noticed Clover reading over their assignment and snatched it back. No one else needed to read those terrible words, much less them. They were far above such accusations.
Clover, however, had already seen the questions, and Chara’s answers. Their quotes were far longer, and far more unexplained than they usually were. “You are ten thousand times more abominable in God’s eyes, than the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours …
“It’s not about that, is it?” Clover asked. Chara avoided their gaze and bit at the inside of their lip.
“I- I do not want to concern you. It’s a religious matter anyways. As far as I know, you do not associate with such things, correct? I don’t-” they sighed. “I do not know how to discuss this with you. Greatly considering much of my beliefs are in conflict, as of now. That’s- that is plenty of discussion. I apologize.”
“Hey, I can listen!” they said. “I don’t mind, I promise. I… I think I got the gist of what you believe in, anyways, so I can-”
“I’m a terrible, wretched person, Clover. You don’t need to entertain my… you don’t need to listen to me ramble. I don’t have a point. I don’t… I don’t know. I’m not worth the effort.”
Clover stared at them for a moment. They were collapsed in on themself, hugging their arms to their chest, knuckles white on their elbows. There were bite marks on their left knuckle. It was a nervous habit of theirs, and usually not intentional, but it still worried them. They reached out for their hand, causing them to look up.
“You’re… I don’t know, Chara, I- I think you’re plenty worth it. You’re not a bad person. You’re close to one of the best I know,” they said. They squeezed their hand, and they blinked back the tears in their eyes again.
“You don’t know what I think. I- everything I want is terrible. Even when I try to fix things, it… I’ve done… I’ve done a lot. I’ve refused to face so much.” They tried to pull their hand away, but Clover wouldn’t let them. They knew better than to think they actually wanted to let go. “I’m- I’m just… I’m afraid I’m not worthy of much. I know for certain I’m not worthy of you, at the very least.”
“Hey, I’m not-!” they started. Chara flinched, and they lowered their voice. “You’re worthy enough for me. Who’s telling you you're not worthy of stuff?”
They didn’t say anything. It was pathetic enough it took a literature assignment of a Puritan sermon for them to realize how terrible of a person they were. Their stomach twisted. They were a quite terrible person.
“Look, Chara, I don’t- I’m not crazy sure about… any of this, really, but any god that hates you isn’t one that’s smart enough to run the universe. You’re Christian, right? Isn’t the entire point of that that Christ takes all your sins away? Didn’t he die, just for that?”
Chara flinched. They were unworthy of that, too. What had they done to repay that? Nothing? Bite their own hands, and lose it in front of their friend?
“I- I’m sorry for worrying you,” they said quietly, squeezing their hand.
“No, don’t be sorry. Sorry means you’ll stop,” Clover said. “I don’t want you to stop. I want to be here for you. If you’re worried, I can be worried. I’m never going to get sick of worrying about you.”
They sat there for a moment or two. Chara let go of trying to hold it back any longer, and tears began to stream down their face.
“I- I’m sorry,” they said again. Clover didn’t even know what they were still apologizing for, but they nodded.
“It’s okay.”
Chara cried for a bit. Then they started laughing, shaking their head.
“He’s a liar and a hypocrite. The one who wrote it,” they said. “That’s the entire point we’re reading it.”
“Yeah,” Clover said. “Sounds about right.”
They continued to sit, squeezing each other’s hand, the assignment forgotten. They smiled at each other.
“I guess there wasn’t much to be upset about,” Chara said quietly. Clover shook their head.
“You can be upset. I don’t mind. I’m just glad you’re not a Puritan, is all. I don’t know if I could handle you thinking terrible stuff about yourself all the time. You’d be… you’d be really sad.”
“Yeah,” they said. There was only a few minutes left in the class period. They would both need to go off to class soon. They let go of Clover’s hand, wiping their eyes. “I suppose you’re right. I should complete this at a later date.”
Clover nodded. Chara seemed a bit better. They were happy they were able to help, whatever they said that did. They stood up.
“Want to help me find a book?”
“Of course,” they said, smiling. They took their hand, and the two of them began to wander the bookshelves.