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Miriam caught sight of Karolina before Karolina saw her. She was shifting between poses effortlessly in her strapless dress, and Miriam's mouth went dry. The two of them would look good together tonight—Karolina in black and her in white. An accidental set.
It had always been Rhea that she'd matched, as if she and Karolina existed on some shared wavelength that no one else could touch.
The thought of Rhea was what stayed her from approaching—that and the fact that she hadn't seen Karolina since she'd snuck out of her bedroom in the middle of the night. What would they look like now? Karolina and her, together on the red carpet, preserved on film for everyone to see. Miriam could picture Rhea scrolling social media in the morning, down to that scrunched face she would make when she paused on them and noticed something off. It had been three months and she was almost sure Karolina hadn't told her what they'd done. She had planned to herself, but then her trip to LA in July had been cancelled, and it felt very much like in-person information.
At least, that's what she told herself, as time stretched on and Miriam became more and more certain that Karolina hadn't wasted a moment in pursuing what she wanted once arriving home. The impending conversation loomed larger than she'd meant to let it.
Before she'd made her decision, still weighing whether a lack of photos would be more conspicuous than an image crackling with tension of any kind, Karolina spotted her. Pink lips parted gently in surprise, though it certainly couldn't be over the fact that Miriam was here.
Then someone called her name, and when she turned back from her moment of distraction, Karolina was gone. She had to scan the crowd, dismissing a sea of black formal wear, to spot the one dress that stood out to her, and the delicate shoulder blades visible above it, heading away on Samba's arm.
Well.
That answered the question of what to do. She couldn't say it was outright avoidance, since she'd been considering the same, for the sake of keeping their first interaction away from the cameras, but Karolina making the decision stung nonetheless. They'd exchanged a few texts, both in group chats and one-on-one, but the longest exchange had merely been Karolina putting her in touch with her makeup artist, and what would have felt light and casual prior to their night together, now felt artificially constrained. Frankly, Miriam suspected it was more difficult for her to maintain than it was for Karolina, who she imagined had a wealth of experience needing to keep people at a polite distance, for one reason or another.
Her own usual method, a non-stop stream of wisecracks, had never worked as well with Karolina as it did with most others. She found them funny, Miriam knew, but she had a habit of unintentionally cutting right through the humor, negating Miriam's attempts at deflection. On top of which, there now seemed to be a new set of rules. Once upon a time, she'd slept with enough friends to know that this was just how it went sometimes, but certain things now felt fraught and off-limits. She'd more than once caught herself deleting a dirty comment that she previously would have sent without a moment's thought.
Miriam hated second guessing herself that way. It didn't come easily, and it was only a matter of time before she'd slip. But Karolina had denied her the opportunity to establish their new equilibrium, ducking out as she did. Nevermind that Miriam had woken up, and laid there in the dimly lit room, listening to Karolina getting dressed, instead of going after her. She'd had a plan, and some deviation was expected, but Karolina had left her more off-balance than she'd anticipated.
She didn't see Karolina again until she was on stage with Samba, presenting. Her grin was infectious, as always, and Miriam found herself smiling despite the sense of unstable, shifting ground underneath her. She thought, between her distance from the stage and the lighting, that Karolina likely wouldn't be able to spot her in the audience, but her gaze seemed to catch in her vicinity. Karolina stumbled over a word, grip tightening on Samba's arm, before her gaze slid elsewhere. It was a split second, barely noticeable, and even Miriam could have missed it, if she hadn't been scouring for evidence of any reaction at all.
The ceremony went by quickly. She chatted during breaks, though she couldn't recall about what. She hadn't won, but she hadn't expected to, and was able, with some effort, to put the disappointment out of mind.
Later, at the afterparty, she circulated, making conversation and answering questions, while quite a bit of her focus was on how badly she wanted to kick off her heels, take off her Spanx, and collapse into bed. After a shower, she amended, very aware of how tacky with sweat she was.
Justin stayed nearby—he could tell something wasn't right, and she'd have to fill him in about it in the morning, if not tonight. But for now, he was merely within reach if she needed him, and she loved him all the more for it.
Deep in conversation—absorbed in learning that Carol and Zosia weren't the only ones with a portmanteau for their relationship, and slightly touched that people beyond her, Rhea, and the writer's room were invested in Helen to that degree—it took Miriam far too long to process the touch on her wrist.
Fingers wrapped around it and gently lifted her arm.
And then soft lips—familiar lips—were pressed to the back of that wrist.
Then to her forearm.
Then just above her elbow.
Goosebumps rose, snaking along her skin in anticipation.
Miriam startled, very belatedly, and another kiss landed just below her shoulder as she met Karolina's dark, doe eyes.
The full Gomez Addams.
She never would have thought she'd be Morticia, in this situation.
"Hello," Karolina said brightly. She was flushed, her eyes darting away and then back to Miriam, clearly aware she had done something strange enough to defy explanation.
Miriam hugged her on autopilot, not quite processing the feeling of her slender body against her own until it was over. Karolina was pulled into the discussion, with a comment about Carol and Zosia, and her face brightened, instantly invested.
She nodded along, occasionally managing a question, but mostly turning Karolina's actions over fruitlessly in her head. Then, a comment snapped her out of her thoughts.
"All three of us? Too crowded!" Karolina said, throwing up her hands in mock indignation. Miriam eyed her. Too crowded? Could the tension be possessiveness about Rhea, rather than uncertainty between the two of them?
"Wait," Miriam said. "Carol, Zosia, and Helen? How does that…?" This time it was Karolina making a face at her, as though she, of all people, was asking how threesomes worked, instead of a throuple where one of them was dead.
There was no conceivable way she was getting through the evening, or next weekend, for that matter, with her dignity intact.
When Karolina slung an arm around her waist, hugging her from the side, she leaned into it instinctively. Her hand crept low to cup Miriam's hip, and abruptly her body remembered in full technicolor how that seemed to be Karolina's favorite place to hold. Her hands had gravitated there every chance they got throughout their night together. Karolina squeezed before the touch fell away, and Miriam hoped any pinkness to her face could be attributed to the heat.
She excused herself a minute later, and when she turned, Justin was still loitering there, hands in his pockets, eyebrows raised. What the fuck, he mouthed, stifling a laugh. She could only shrug.
It looked like she needed to talk to Karolina tonight, after all.
There was a moment when she saw Karolina alone and thought she would get the opportunity, but by the time she approached, her date was right there and she was being introduced with an alarming and uncharacteristic awkwardness.
Then Samba was corralling everyone for a group picture. They bunched together, Miriam off to one side.
Casually, Karolina slid out of place and slotted in next to her instead. As they posed, the heat of her hand on Miriam's lower back burned even through the thick fabric of her dress.
More people shuffled in for a second photo, and the arm shifted to around her shoulder, but Karolina's long fingers found a home close enough to her neck that it was a struggle to listen to the direction from the photographer. As they were directed to smoosh closer, a thumb, she guessed, grazed along her trapezius and edged just under her neckline.
"All set!" she heard, and she could only hope her smile didn't look as crazed as it felt. Sharon and the crew started to meander away, a few lingering for hugs as they said their goodbyes.
She kept Karolina in her field of vision, as she and Samba nudged each other playfully.
Then Karolina began to leave, and Miriam knew she couldn't wait any longer. She excused herself politely and crossed the distance with measured steps.
"Hey, can I borrow you for a minute?" Miriam said. Her hand had come up to catch her arm, but merely hovered there, and Karolina's face went uncomfortably solemn.
"Yeah, of course," she said, walking far enough to put a measure of distance between themselves and those still lingering.
She stopped and looked at how flawless Karolina appeared, softly made-up and stunning in a dress that accentuated and exaggerated her every curve. She searched for the cracks that she was certain were there, and while the obvious evidence of them had been concealed as the evening went on, she could see the strain around her eyes.
"What are you doing?" Miriam asked finally, forcing a sternness she couldn't feel into her tone.
Sure enough, there was an instant fracture when Karolina met her gaze, brow furrowed. "I don't know," she admitted, her voice wavering. "I haven't really known what I'm doing for months. It was just… an impulse." She hesitated, then tacked on, "Not anything worse than Rhea does in public."
"Debatable. But that's you and Rhea." Miriam flicked her fingers between the two of them. "We haven't had that sort of dynamic, historically speaking."
"I'm sorry," she said. Miriam quashed an exasperated smile—she shouldn't find it endearing that Karolina's voice was so soft with concern, yet absent of remorse.
Miriam stepped closer, hooking her fingers through Karolina's. The contact felt like a mistake the instant she made it. "I don't want you to be sorry. I just want you to be careful."
"Still… I wasn't thinking," Karolina admitted, the reluctant tangle of abashment and defiance in her gaze lodging in Miriam's gut like a fishhook, and suddenly she needed to know.
"Did you consider staying over?" Miriam asked.
Karolina looked taken aback, either at the shift in topic or that she'd addressed it directly. Her mouth opened, but she was visibly searching for words.
There was no reeling it in now, so Miriam doubled down with a grin that hopefully looked less forced than it felt. "It could have been nice, you know? A proper sleepover. We skipped the pajamas and manicure portion, but I would have made you pancakes in the morning."
"I think you can get that somewhere else," Karolina replied, fully sincere, and Miriam felt her smile slip. Her voice dropped to a whisper, and goosebumps rose on the back of Miriam's neck. "I did. I stood there beside your bed, and I thought about it so hard that I knew I couldn't."
"Does Rhea know?" she asked without thinking, catching the reference to their much more chaste sleepover. She refrained from asking about Chad, but his name hung between them as soon as the question fell from her lips. Unlike Rhea, that was none of her business, unless Karolina wanted to volunteer the information. Still, she couldn't help but wonder. It wasn't as though she'd made her offer to Karolina without coming to uncomfortable terms with the potential consequences.
Karolina didn't answer, looking down at their hands, still linked with a deceptively casual touch.
"Okay…" Miriam said, drawing the word out into multiple syllables.
"Is that so bad? It's not as though we've disclosed our entire sexual histories," Karolina blurted, an edge to her words that rang more of desperation than defensiveness.
"And who else in your history do you still touch like you just touched me?" Miriam said plainly, tilting her head towards where they'd just taken that photo.
"I shouldn't have," she responded. "You made it clear enough that what we had was a one-time thing."
"Don't beat yourself up. This just… could get tricky." Miriam sighed, stepping back. It felt like leaving something behind, and she tucked that thought away with an expediency that would horrify her old therapist. "I have to go, Justin is waiting. I'll see you next week."
"I'll see you," Karolina echoed quietly, and Miriam saw her blonde date appear out of the dispersing crowd, just as she turned to walk away.