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Two weeks after Buck started fostering Theo he came to an early shift more bummed than ever as he barely managed to lift a hand in order to say hello to everyone.
The rest of the team watched him closely and telepathically debated who should engage in ask-what’s-wrong-but-try-not-to-spook him intervention.
The task ultimately—of course—went to Eddie.
He eyed him closely from the bench where for the past five minutes he’d been faking tying off his laces as everyone else slowly emptied the locker room.
Buck didn’t make one comment, pout or mumble annoyed—like he usually did with dropping Theo off at the daycare. He didn’t mention how Stephanie’s mom, Karen, blocked his car for the fifth time in a row during drop off as she did from the first day he took Theo to the daycare.
No, he was completely silent.
Whatever was going on was bothering him on another level. Eddie has seen sad Buck, but this was something else because Buck looked not just sad and sleep deprived—your usual go-to for taking care of a toddler phase—but absolutely devastated.
‘’Everything okay?’’ Eddie casually shifts next to his locker, now pretending to fold his towel.
Buck sighs, closing the locker and resting his forehead on it.
‘’Theo is watching Bluey in Spanish,’’ he says defeated.
‘’O-kay, and that is a problem why exactly?’’
Buck—forehead still glued to the locker door—turns his head and opens one eye at Eddie. ‘’Connor talked to him in Spanish. T-they probably used to play him cartoons in Spanish too so he could learn it or whatever.’’
Eddie furrows his eyebrows still not getting where Buck is going with this. ‘’Okay, that’s good, no? Children learn languages easier when they are exposed to them earlier in the childhood.’’
‘’Yes, but Eddie I forgot,’’ Buck closes his eyes and sighs like he’s the biggest parental failure in the world.
Eddie’s heart sinks. ‘’Oh.’’
Buck peels himself from the locker and sits on the bench to tie his shoes. ‘’I completely forgot about that, and then last night he asked to watch Bluey. A-and I put it on but then he had a meltdown because it wasn’t the right Bluey.
‘’And Eddie, I didn’t know what that meant. I thought he wanted a specific episode or something. An hour later I figured out that it was the Spanish version he wanted.’’
‘’Shit,’’ Eddie mutters joining Buck on the bench.
Buck nods. ‘’Yes, shit.’’
‘’But hey, now you know okay. And, we’ll adjust.’’
Buck scoffs pulling on his laces a little harder than he needed. ‘’Adjust? And how do you think I should do that, hm? I don’t know Spanish. And yes, I will learn with him and everything but it’s not the same. I’m not good enough for that.’’
He switches to the other shoe and pulls on the laces with so much force that Eddie was convinced Buck’s leg would lose all circulation.
‘’I spent so much time in Peru and hm, what did I learn? How to flirt with people. Not how to have a basic conversation with a four-year-old because his parents died in a tragic accident,’’ Buck huffs out annoyed and finishes the knot.
Eddie immediately puts his hand on Buck’s knee. ‘’Whoa, don’t do that. Don’t blame yourself.’’
‘’But Eddie, I…’’
Eddie lifts both of his eyebrows with that say-another-self-deprecating-thing-and-I’ll-end-you look. ‘’No, not a word Buckley. That wasn’t your fault. And you’ve been great with him for the past two weeks; you’re still getting to know each other. These things take time. Also, you forgot something…’’ He adds smugly at the end.
Buck rolls his eyes but his cheeks pink up a little when Eddie starts rubbing soft circles on the sides of his knee. ‘’Like what?’’
Eddie perks up and with a smug smile says proudly. ‘’You know who is fluent in Spanish?’’
Buck snorts but he’s smiling as Eddie jumps up from the bench and does a little spin with his hands up in the air.
‘’I can’t ask you to do that.’’
Eddie stops mid spin and turns around, his hands on his hips. ‘’Why not? Chris will do it too; it’s a great way to practice his Spanish. He’s been slacking recently.’’
‘’You mean he stopped watching telenovelas with you and you’re mad because you’re the only one yelling at your TV like a lunatic or a little old lady?’’ Buck teases as he finally gets up from the bench.
Eddie points a finger at his chest. ‘’I bet you a dozen of your home-made donuts with cheesecake raspberry filling that you’ll join us in less than a month.’’
‘’You do realize that if you lose, you’ll have to make those donuts yourself?’’ Buck teases.
Eddie cocks his head like he’s thinking about it. ‘’Nope. I’m confident you’ll be the one making them for me and the kids.’’
They bump each other’s shoulders as they join the team in the loft.
_
That shift was almost two months ago and since then Buck did start watching telenovelas with Eddie and Christopher, as well as watching Bluey with Theo.
Eddie and Christopher would switch to Spanish whenever they were with Theo and it was going as smooth as possible under the circumstances.
The boy wasn’t entirely fluent—or he was just quiet and didn’t want to contribute to conversation—it seemed like he understood more than he actually spoke the language and Eddie figured that Connor probably didn’t push the boy to learn it as much as Buck thought he did, but Buck still thought it would be a nice thing for Theo to learn.
Buck even went as far as applying to several online courses so he could join him, Eddie and Chris in conversations. When he told Eddie— ‘’It’s a sexy language, I’m not doing this just for Theo,’’ Eddie’s brain bluescreened.
Did Buck really think that Eddie speaking in Spanish was hot? And if so, why didn’t he start earlier doing that?
Unfortunately, being a single dad to a hyperactive toddler with twenty-four and forty-eight shifts in a demanding job meant that he didn’t learn as fast as he wanted to so he always leaned on Chris and Eddie for that part of the conversation.
The only problem was that Eddie was slowly losing his grip—and mind—when he was around Buck. Buck who still thought Eddie was straight and had completely platonic feelings towards his best friend, even thought said best friend wanted to blurt out all the ‘I love you’s’ in every language imaginable.
He absolutely didn’t chew Theo’s ear off—yes, he did—about his undying love, dropping endearments and nicknames for Buck when he talked with Theo. Chris mocked him relentlessly because of course Chris knew, but Eddie didn’t care. It was nice to say those words out loud to someone, even though he couldn’t say it in English to the person that mattered the most.
He was a coward and was aware that he was one but the thought of throwing just another life changing thing at Buck this close to losing Connor and Kameron and fostering Theo just didn’t seem fair.
It seemed selfish at best.
So, he was quiet. Well, in English at least. In Spanish he probably yapped more than he actually should to a four-year-old.
He still saw Buck every single day, they still coparented a child—two, but who’s counting at this point— they worked as a well-oiled machine.
Nothing changed, he had enough time. He’ll tell Buck eventually.
So, what if he used a language Buck didn’t fully understand just yet to express the depth of his feelings to his foster child?
He was fine.
He was not fine.
But he will be fine.
As long as no one except Christopher actually fully understood what he’s talking about.
‘’Okay,’’ Eddie clapped his hands looking at Theo in Buck’s kitchen. ‘’We have snacks, juice and your plushie for show and tell. Do we need anything else?’’
Theo, sitting on the dining room chair dangles his little socked feet, looks at the ceiling like he’s thinking about it then shakes his head.
‘’Nope. All good,’’ he answers in English.
Eddie nods, more often than not Theo would understand him and then respond in English but they didn’t mind that as long as he understood at least some of the things they said to him in Spanish.
‘’Go chose what shoes you’re wearing today and let’s get them on. We don’t want Mrs Anderson to tell Buck how we were late to the drop off again, don’t we?’’ Eddie drops a loud mwah kiss on top of Theo’s head.
Theo chuckles. ‘’No.’’ He answers in Spanish.
‘’Good, come on,’’ Eddie helps Theo get down from the chair and watches him as he runs towards the ever-growing pile of shoes lined up by the door. Buck couldn’t say no to every single superhero themed—or light up—sneakers Theo pointed his little finger on.
Eddie glances back from Theo and rummages through Theo’s daycare backpack, mumbling to himself to check if he forgot something.
‘’Snack, extra snack in case the first snack doesn’t stick, water bottle, juice bottle, Buck’s little post it note—how cute is that—show and tell plushie, change of clothes, and…’’
He turns around and starts digging through the cabinets. ‘’Where did you put it Buckley? Theo, come on, please put your shoes on,’’ he yells to the hallway as he’s still going through the cabinets.
‘’I swear to God, I love you but I need you to cooperate today. Buck is going straight from the shift to his annual doctor’s appointment and I really need him to take a day off after that because he needs to sleep it off. I can’t look at his cute little tired face all day long anymore and not do anything about it. I just want to hold him tight and snuggle him in the bed and,’’ he closes the cabinets and sighs. ‘’Ugh, I’m so in love with him that I don’t know what to do or how to act in front of him anymore and…’’
He abruptly stops talking when he looks at Theo on the living room floor putting his shoes on and almost gets a heart attack when he sees Maddie standing next to Theo looking at Eddie like she just saw a ghost.
Shit, thank God I didn’t say that in English. Eddie thinks, swallowing loudly and ignoring the deep pit of despair forming in his stomach.
‘’Maddie! What…’’ He looks at giggling Theo on the floor still struggling with his shoes. ‘’Theo, we talked about opening the front door to people.’’
‘’It’s just Maddie.’’
‘’I know she is baby but I need you to be more careful, okay?’’
Theo nods, already running in another direction with his shoes on now. He’s still smiling when he turns to—for whatever reason—shocked Maddie still looking at him, mouth agape.
‘’Hey Maddie, did we mix up our schedules or?’’
Maddie opens her mouth several times before she lands on an answer. ‘’Um, no. I just wanted to bring Theo’s Spider Man socks he left the other day. Buck called me yesterday and asked me to drop them off this morning.’’
Eddie takes the clean socks from her hands and puts them in his back pocket. ‘’Oh, perfect. I wondered where they went,’’ he smiles at her but frowns when he sees the look on her face.
She’s pale and looks like she genuinely saw a ghost.
‘’You okay?’’
‘’U-um, yeah,’’ Maddie clears her throat as she takes out the phone out of her pocket to check the time. ‘’J-just you know, it’s still early and we have a new group of trainees coming today and…’’
‘’Oh, then run. Thank you for the socks.’’
Maddie nods and Eddie walks her to the door but it seems like she’s dying to get out of there because she almost runs to her car.
Strange. Eddie thinks.
‘’We’re still on for tomorrow night, right? Playdate with Jee and Nash?’’
‘’Yeah, yeah. All good. Bye Eddie,’’ she smiles as she jumps into her car and backs her car out of the driveway in lightning speed.
‘’Ok, that was really weird,’’ he mutters but then there is a loud bang coming from the living room and he snaps his head to the sound. ‘’Theo buddy, you okay?’’
When Buck—bone tired—enters the house few hours later and slumps on the couch Eddie is already getting the pot with warm soup and putting it on the dining room table.
‘’Food then sleep Buckley, don’t make me say that twice,’’ he warns as Buck takes the phone out of his pocket and unlocks it.
‘’Yeah, yeah. Just need to do my Duolingo to keep the streak.’’
Eddie smiles as he places the cutlery on the table. Buck was aware that learning Spanish on Duolingo wasn’t as good as private lessons but he liked the routine and the little owl sending him threats during the day.
There is a signature sound of successfully finishing a lesson then Buck groaning stands up and throws the phone somewhere in the cushions before he goes to the dining room and slumps into the chair.
‘’I think I’m maxed out. I’m so tired I can barely think,’’ he says yawning.
Eddie scoops some soup into a bowl and places it in front of Buck. Buck is immediately leaning over it, eyes closed, and inhaling the smell.
‘’Oh god, what would I do without you,’’ Buck lets out and hums tired.
Eddie’s heart skips a beat but he composes himself and puts a spoon in Buck’s hand.
‘’Eat then thank me later.’’
‘’With more baked goods?’’ Buck opens one eye and smiles.
Eddie really hopes that the warmth he feels can’t be seen anywhere on his body. He just shrugs his shoulders and joins Buck at the table, scooping up more soup for himself.
‘’How did it go at the appointment today?’’
‘’Fine-ish. I got some additional vitamins I should start taking, apparently I’m at that age.’’
‘’Oh, did they prescribe something for your squeaky knees too?’’ Eddie teases.
‘’Shut up, yours are worse than mine.’’
‘’Aren’t we a pair,’’ Eddie mumbles as he takes a spoonful.
Buck is nodding and already eating the last bits out of his bowl before he jumps to take seconds. ‘’You know, I really don’t know what I’d do without you, Chris and Maddie.’’
‘’Oh, speaking of Maddie she brought the Spider Man socks this morning.’’
‘’Thank God, we’re on the last two pairs and I still can’t find the same ones anywhere. I really can’t live through another sock meltdown.’’
‘’As if you don’t have your own sock meltdowns,’’ Eddie teases as Buck snorts.
‘’Shut up. So, did Theo start talking back in Spanish? Maddie says that he talks here and there with her.’’
‘’Just yes and no and, wait…’’ Eddie’s spoon clatters into a full bowl and the soup splatters everywhere, eyes wide in shock.
Buck takes paper towels and immediately starts cleaning the wet patches but Eddie is still frozen.
‘’Jesus Eds, are you okay?’’
‘’U-um, Maddie speaks Spanish?’’ Eddie finally wills his voice to cooperate.
Buck nods. ‘’Mhm. Not fully fluent as you but she took courses while she was in nursing school and actually uses it quite a lot in dispatch during emergencies.’’
‘’She knows it well enough to answer calls in Spanish?’’ Eddie almost whispers.
‘’Mhm,’’ Buck jams another spoonful in his mouth. ‘’Remember that time she talked with Mexican coast guard when Athena’s cruise capsized?’’
Eddie nods his palms suddenly all sweaty.
Great.
Fine.
This is perfectly fine.
Shit.
It’s anything but fine.
Buck looks up from his bowl and frowns. ‘’You okay there?’’
Eddie just nods then quietly returns to his bowl and wonders if it’s deep enough for him to drown right now.
_
Eddie was twitchy since they arrived at Chim and Maddie’s trying everything in his power to avoid talking to—and look at—Maddie. The good thing was that Maddie was also actively avoiding him.
He absolutely didn’t manage to follow what Chim, Buck, Jee and Theo were talking around him. He carried baby Nash in his hands and at some point the baby fell asleep in his arms and he didn’t even notice.
Only when Chim approached him and tried taking the baby out of his hands he realized it.
‘’Oh, what? N-no. I’ll just hold him if that’s okay,’’ he says quietly as Chim lifts an eyebrow then looks at Maddie who is trying really hard to occupy herself in already spotless kitchen. Chim glances back at twitchy Eddie with a child in his arms.
‘’Just don’t drop the baby Eddie, and talk to Maddie,’’ he claps him on the shoulder and returns to the princess tea party with Buck, Jee and Theo.
Eddie gulps.
When he turns Maddie is already looking at him. He takes a deep breath then joins her by the kitchen island.
‘’So,’’ he starts shifting baby Nash and covering his head with his hand as he talks softly trying not to wake him up.
Maddie snickers. ‘’Are you using my child as a shield during this conversation?’’
‘’Maybe. Is that okay?’’
She smiles then rounds the kitchen island and puts a gentle hand on his elbow.
‘’Why didn’t you say anything?’’ Maddie says in Spanish, trying her best to prevent to be overheard by Buck and Chim.
Eddie shrugs his shoulders as best as he can as not to jostle the baby. ‘’Didn’t think it was important.’’
‘’Wasn’t important?’’ Maddie asks scandalized.
‘’He has already too much stuff on his mind Maddie. It wouldn’t be fair to put this on him too. I don’t want things to change. I don’t want to lose him.’’
‘’Lose him, what?’’
‘’How do you think he’d react if I told him I love him?’’
Maddie throws her hands in the air. ‘’Oh, I don’t know he might jump into your arms and kiss you stupid.’’
‘’Wait, what?’’ Eddie frowns in confusion.
Maddie rolls her eyes. ‘’Oh, you idiot. Are you blind or just stupid?’’
‘’Okay, that sounds just mean in Spanish,’’ Eddie says in English.
‘’I don’t care how mean that sounds because it’s the truth. Do you really think Buck doesn’t love you?’’
Eddie rests his hip on the counter then glances at the living room where Jee has Buck on the floor and she’s putting an eyeshadow on him. Buck glances back at Eddie and scrunches his eyebrows in confusion, telepathically checking if everything is all right.
Eddie just smiles and nods then turns to Maddie. ‘’Not a word to him Maddie.’’
Maddie huffs out annoyed and starts folding the kitchen towel over and over again. ‘’You know the two of you are just exhausting. Circling each other. First he goes off and sleeps with that awful man because he misses you then offers his life to a killer so that she would let you live.
‘’Not to mention the fact that both of you have been coparenting Christopher for almost a decade.’’
Eddie flinches at the possible Tommy mention. ‘’Wait, he did what?’’
But Maddie is on a roll, batting her hand in the air and talking fast.
Maddie does know Spanish. He thinks. She knows it so well that she’s even talking with her hands like a natural.
‘’And when I tell him that it wouldn’t be so crazy for you two to be … you know, whatever, he denies it. Jesus,’’ Maddie drops her head on the counter and sighs annoyed. ‘’I feel like I’m in telenovela right now.’’
‘’Maddie, you can’t tell him. Promise me,’’ Eddie pleads.
Only then—at the thin sound of his voice—she lifts her head and looks at him with her kind eyes.
‘’Eddie, you love him.’’
‘’Yes, I do.’’
‘’I won’t tell him, but please you need to.’’
Eddie gulps. ‘’I-I… I don’t know if I can, what if he…’’
‘’If your next sentence is that he doesn’t love you back then I’ll chop you up into tiny little pieces.’’
Eddie chuckles. ‘’You know, you’re even scarier in Spanish.’’
‘’I try my best,’’ Maddie straightens then points a finger at him. ‘’Tell him.’’
Eddie sighs and smushes his cheek on baby Nash’s head, thinking. ‘’What if he says no?’’
‘’What if he says yes?’’
Both of their eyes are welling with tears as Eddie wipes one of them off his cheek.
‘’Would it be so crazy? For Buck to love you like you love him?’’ Maddie asks but before Eddie could answer Buck jump scares both of them. Maddie lifts a hand to her chest as she tries to catch a breath.
‘’Buck would what now?’’ Buck says cheerfully as Jee and Theo hang from both of his hands giggling.
His eyes are scrunched in laughter and Theo and Jee are talking a mile a minute and the only thing Buck caught from their conversation was his name.
‘’Um, w-what?’’ Eddie scratches the back of his neck as he clears his throat.
‘’You said my name just now, and in Spanish,’’ he frowns looking at Maddie. ‘’Wait, didn’t know you really know Spanish that much.’’
Maddie takes a sip of her coffee. ‘’Been practicing it for Theo.’’
Buck’s smile brightens up his whole face. ‘’Oh, yeah. I’m better at it too but when you talk that fast everything just sounds as gibberish. So, what were you talking about then? Something about me?’’ He winks and Maddie spits out her coffee.
‘’Maddie, don’t,’’ Eddie warns switching to Spanish.
‘’I won’t,’’ she wipes the coffee splatter from the counter, avoiding Buck’s gaze.
Buck scrunches his eyebrows in confusion. ‘’What’s happening right now.’’
‘’Nothing!’’ Maddie and Eddie say in unison.
Buck eyes them both then lifts Jee and Nash to sit in front of him on the kitchen island as he bops their noses, smiling.
‘’You know what I think is happening right now?’’ Buck asks but talks to Jee and Theo instead, even though the question is aimed at Maddie and Eddie.
Jee and Theo shake their heads giggling.
‘’I think they are making plans for my surprise birthday party.’’
Jee giggles. ‘’But Buck, your birthday is not for few more months!’’
Buck then straightens his back and looks at Maddie and Eddie. ‘’Wait, that’s true… What is actually happening right now?’’
Maddie and Eddie exchange terrified glances when Theo simply says. ‘’Aunty Maddie wants Eddie to tell you in English how much he loves you, not just in Spanish like he always does.’’
Buck, Maddie and Eddie all turn to look at Theo in surprise.
‘’Y-you understood me this entire time?’’ Eddie asks at the same time Buck asks. ‘’You love me?’’
Theo shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.
‘’Why didn’t you tell us that you understand?’’ Maddie asks.
Theo sighs again then says in Spanish. ‘’I love listening to Eddie while he speaks Spanish, reminds me of my daddy. I didn’t want to interrupt.’’
‘’Oh,’’ Eddie simply says his eyes pooling with tears when he looks at struck Buck standing in front of Theo.
‘’You love me?’’ Buck repeats and as Eddie opens his mouth to answer baby Nash wakes up wailing.
‘’Let me take care of that,’’ Maddie snatches the baby out of Eddie’s hands then looks over her shoulder half way out of the room. ‘’You two, talk,’’ she orders then eyes Eddie specifically and says in Spanish—‘’It wouldn’t be so crazy,’’ then smiles, winks and leaves.
It indeed wasn’t that crazy.