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Court lay in bed for a while after waking up. The sun reached through the thin curtains and slanted over the foot of the bed. There was an edge of chill in the converted garage, autumn biting through the thin walls. Court was glad for the blankets, piled three high.
Would be nicer if there was still a warm body beside him, but Lars was bad at laying in. He always had to be on schedule, even if it was a weekend.
Court smiled, thinking of his Lars. He could hear him in the kitchen, putting a kettle on and cracking eggs. Court closed his eyes and just sank into the bed, the sounds lulling him back to that floating place between sleep and wakefulness.
This tiny town seemed like such a bore when he first found himself in hiding here, but Lars turned boring into safe. He’d never met a man so full of goodness and gentleness. He couldn’t be more different than Court, and yet they were the same. They wanted the same things from each other, just this domestic quiet, this shared bed and the slow kisses under the covers. It made Court feel soft and heavy, gooey like honey. He was so used to feeling hard—all shell and no squishy interior. Lars melted him inside.
“Ouch!” Lars yelped from the kitchen, and Court sucked in a breath, awake all at once.
“You alright, baby?” he asked, turning the corner into the kitchen. Lars had his pointer finger in his mouth.
“Mm-hm. Just a little burn.” Lars put his finger back in his mouth when he was done talking. Court shook his head.
“You need to put that under running water. Here.” Court took Lars’s hand and brought him to the sink, turning on the cold tap. He held him there, fist wrapped loosely around his palm, the pointer finger stretched out under the running water.
“Oh. Thank you,” Lars said. His voice was small. Court realized how close they were, the full length of their arms touching, Lars’s back less than an inch from Court’s chest. He could probably feel Court’s breath on the back of his neck.
“Is this okay?” Court asked.
“Of course. You’re helping me.”
Court shook his head.
“I’m not burning you, am I?”
“No!” Lars was quick to answer. “No, not at all. I…” He choked up, his breathing coming quick.
“Yes?” Court asked, right behind his ear.
“I like it!” Lars burst out.
Court smiled.
“Oh, good,” he said, and pressed a kiss to the back of Lars’s neck. “I’m glad. I was worried.”
“Mm-mn. You never burn me anymore,” Lars said. “I always feel safe with you.”
“Safe, huh?” Court felt his stomach twist.
Lars nodded, looking back at him with a big smile.
“That’s right. You make me feel so safe. I can always trust you, Courtland.”
Court shut the water off and slipped away from Lars. He opened the freezer and got out a bag of frozen peas.
“Hold this on there for a bit.” He pressed it to Lars’s hand.
“Right. Okay.” Lars did as he was told.
Court took stock of the kitchen, turning down the heat on the eggs to keep them from burning and taking the tea bags out of their steeped mugs. The toast popped up, right on cue, and he plated the two slices, spread butter on them, and topped each with a fried egg. He seasoned his own with hot sauce and Lars’s with salt and pepper, light on the pepper. He set the table, then pulled out the chair.
“Sit,” he said.
“I really messed this up, huh?” Lars said as Court pushed him in.
“No, you didn’t.”
“I wanted to surprise you with breakfast. You were sleeping so peacefully.”
“I like doing things for you. It’s okay.”
“But I had it all planned out…”
“Lars, look at me. It’s alright.” Court kneeled down next to him.
Lars gulped, pupils shifting back and forth as he fought to maintain eye contact.
“You’ve already done so much for me, and you don’t even know it,” Court said.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re the one who makes me feel safe. Being here, with you. I’ve never felt this safe. Never. Not in my whole life. You let me relax. You let me be… Courtland.” Court put his hand on Lars’s cheek, stroking the skin with his thumb. Lars closed his eyes, a smile pressing into Court’s palm.
“I think that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
“Oh, baby.” Court stood up and wrapped his arms around Lars.
Lars held him back, awkward as it was with him still in the chair, and they stood that way for a long while, just breathing against each other.
“Don’t want the food to get cold,” Lars said eventually.
“No. That’s true.” Court reluctantly pulled away, seating himself opposite Lars. Lars beamed at him across the table. The smile was infectious.
“How about we call it even, and say we both make each other feel safe?” Lars asked. “No need to compare.”
“Mn. Alright,” Court nodded. “I think I can live with that.”
Lars laughed as he picked up his toast and took a bite. Court watched him for a while before starting on his own, fondness crinkled into the corners of his eyes.
He’d keep to himself, then, what he really thought.
Lars had done more for him than Court could ever do for Lars. That’s why he had to devote himself completely to Lars. Do everything he could to make this man happy, comfortable, and yes, safe.