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It was cold, so cold Merlin began to shiver but still he did not move. Could not move. It was like his heart was rooted to that spot, he couldn’t leave if he tried for it would be like tearing a piece of himself away. So Merlin stayed.
Endless dreams like flightless birds swept through his tired mind, endless possibilities, endless chances to change this fate all gone like the sudden rush of a crashing wave on the shore.
Merlin thought it would be all too easy to give up now, to just close his eyes and let the darkness embrace him. It would take him with clammy hands, walk with him down a narrow rambling path, Deaths rattled breaths poisoning the air from under his hooded cloak and Merlin would follow him until he too turned into darkness, until he felt no more.
These waking visions scared Merlin though and the small flame that flickered within him refused to burn out.
He would not let go. He was needed still. Their time would come. He would wait.
…
Merlin let his vision blur unnaturally and his surroundings distorted into ugly images, lonely roads stretching out before him and yet he dared not close his eyes because he didn’t trust himself to open them again.
He had one focus, Arthur. And that is all that mattered and ever mattered to him.
The chill was biting once more but Merlin barely noticed now. He had not even a humble blanket to warm him. No, he didn’t need the futility of warmth. He wanted to endure this for Arthur because just thinking of him, the flame inside Merlin grew, Arthur was his flame.
It had become impossible to distinguish night from day for everything seemed dark to Merlin. He dared not think of time he just longed to see the sun again.
His aching muscles were screaming protests to just move but Merlin never gave into them, the physical pain only made the flame burn brighter.
Even his stomach cried, begged, screamed for food but Merlin ignored its calls like a neglectful mother with a crying child. His chest rose and fell with shallow breaths, he was exhausted but still he never slept.
Merlin had made a silent promise that day. He would wait.
…
Merlin literally felt a burning through his chest. The flame was almost too much for him to contain when suddenly a new warmth surrounded him and he turned his head slowly around to see Arthur standing in the brilliant sunlight.
A moment passed as the light of the sun embraced them and Arthur said softly, “It’s a new day”.
Merlin didn’t answer but instead rose slowly to his feet, his legs stiff but he didn’t care.
Arthur watched and spoke gently, “Have you been here all night?”
Merlins tired eyes almost betrayed his emotions, his broken heart, his broken dreams, the longest night of his life that tortured him, but then as the words slipped easily from his lips, Merlin knew that he would endure all that and more for Arthur, “I didn’t want you to feel that you were alone.”
A moment lingered in the air and Arthur said with great sincerity, ‘You’re a loyal friend, Merlin.”
And in those passing moments, that golden sunshine was just for them and Merlin knew that although it wasn’t a new day for him, someday it would be, someday Arthur would know and accept magic. Merlin would no longer have to hide. He would be free.
Waiting on the hard ground outside the throne room, Merlin felt the night would never end, like the sweet sound of birds singing in the early morning mist would just be a memory, that he would never see the sun again whilst his head was confused with broken dreams. It was the worst kind of punishment, to be trapped in your own mind in the dark hours before the dawn.
But Merlin wanted to be there for his friend.
Didn’t want Arthur to be alone.
Knew that Arthur was his reason to go on.
And without hesitation Merlin would do it again.
…
He refuses Deaths tempting hand in the dark hours before the dawn, even as he sees lonely roads forking out in every direction and hears only silence in the early morning mist.
And he’s cold, so so cold.
But theres the flame.
And its burning, burning, burning.
And so he waits.