Work Text:
Dipper woke up tired. Which was happening increasingly. He reached out blindly for his cap while in the plush bed. He stood up, rolling his shoulders before immediately slouching again. Good posture hurt too much for 6 in the morning.
"PINETREE!" A loud rapping sound came from the window. Dipper jumped, startled to see -
A beaming Bill Cipher standing outside the window. His tan skin practically glowed as he floated. "GO SHOWER!"
Dipper blinked, "How long have you been there?"
Bill opened the window and rolled, yes, you read that right, rolled inside the room and fell onto Dipper's bed. "Long enough to know you stink!" He reached for the towel next to Dipper's bed and threw it at his tired boyfriend who caught it awkwardly.
"Tch, fine." angry footsteps echoed across the hall as Dipper showered. Bill, meanwhile, had found a men's weekly magazine and was flipping the pages.
"Oooh, this one's pretty! And so is this one! And this one!" Bill ripped out pages his Pinetree might want to see. After Dipper returned, he was greeted with the sight of his intergalactic, dimension traveling dream demon boyfriend,
Giggling like an idiot while ripping out pages. His heart sank to his ass in that moment. "Bill, what are you reading?"
Bill perked up, "Pinetree, you'll never believe this, meat-sacks have things called 'ABS'." He pointed to a page. "This one has BICEPS." Dipper blushed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Bill, I have to go to school."
"BUT WHYYYYYY, STAY HERE WITH ME!" Bill pouted.
Dipper planted a kiss on his lover's lips. "It's literally Friday, we have the weekend and Monday. See you later."
Dipper rushed down the stairs as Mabel waited by the stairway, ponytail ends dyed a different color for the second time this month. "Purple?" he questioned, throwing on the backpack.
"Like Pacifica!" Mabel gushed as the two walked to school together. "She's so pretty and I can't believe that we're together now! Life feels like a dream." Mabel ran up the school stairways and kicked open the double doors.
"Come on Dip-Dop!" Dipper slouched up the stairs slowly. before sighing.
Mabel rushed to greet her girlfriend, jumping into her arms. Dipper smiled before sitting down by his normal table, pulling out his headphones.
He didn't notice the girls behind him. A clawed hand forced itself into his hair. Dipper smacked it away with the sharpened pencil he had been writing with.
The girls behind him shrieked, eyes scanning him up and down.
One of the girls, Samantha, your stereotypical blonde popular girl popped her gum at him, starting a unwanted conversation.
"So, Dipper, what's it like dating the 'hottest man to walk the Earth'?" she mocked, her friends whispering behind their hands. Sometimes Dipper wanted to hex them, leaving them inside the bathroom stall for the next unfortunate soul to find.
Instead, he rolled his eyes and moved forward. "Well, better than talking to you. But then again, anything is than talking to a bleached barbie doll."
He wasn't lying there, from the pink Nirvana shirt (how dare she give Nirvana a bad name the little bitc-), to the pink high heels, and to the Stanley Cup. Samantha punched his shoulder, "You are so funny, because I swear, I thought he didn't exist. You know, Dipper Pines and his overactive Imagination once again. Like that Gromgoblin incident."
Dipper held in his weakening desire to defenestrate her from the 5th floor, then and there. He didn't grace her with a reply, walking away from the conversation.
And this went on. All freaking DAY. And Dipper was so pissed.
Eventually, Lunch, the savior that it is swooped in and saved Jay from the fate of having to make sure Samantha's boyfriend can no longer use HIS imagination. Or his mind. But it's not like he was using that anyways.
Dipper rushed through the halls, setting a new personal record, slumping next to Mabel, who understood what was happening from a glance.
Mabel patted his back, "I know. I want to punch his lights out too."
Jay groaned. "She's just so annoying. I didn't think it was possible to hate someone more until I met her. I swear to the Axolotl, I might just recreate AM's hate speech."
Mabel went on a verbal tirade that the went in and out of his brain because if he pissed before? Now he was royally ticked off.
Samantha and her goons strutted by him. She "accidently" tilted her lunch tray over Jay's head, milk running down his back in rivers and sweet potato fries decorating his head like a foody crown.
"Oops!" she snickered; brown eyes filled with malice and hate.
Dipper rose to his feet. You'd think that Dipper would be awful in a fight. And you'd be right! He's a walking noodle, one that's already boiled at that. But a 2v1? With the Pines twins? No one is winning against that. Dipper held her down as Mabel slammed her head into the lunch table repeatly, and Mabel was taking of her decorative belt when the fight was broken up.
"That is enough!" Mrs. Smith snapped. "You two with me. Now." Dipper and Mabel smirked at each other before following their principal upstairs, leaving behind an audience of amazed teenagers, many with their phones out.
Dipper and Mabel sat down in the cold chairs of the principal's office. Dipper didn't really listen to what was being said because to be honest? He didn't really give a shit. He would do it, all over again It was like a human stress reliever. He'd have to do that again.
"You two will have to be suspended!" Mabel stood up, pointing her finger as she screamed profanities loud enough for the people on the 6th floor to hear, even flipping her off as they collected their stuff and stood by the doors, waiting to be picked up.
He was standing outside the door with Mabel, who was aggressively knitting, muttered curses and hexes on their principal. "Mabel, where are we going?" she looked up, face blank.
"I may have forgotten about that bit but it's fine, I'll just call Bill." She rang his phone up. Bill was the only one in the group who was legally allowed to drive and could pick them up at the time as Ford and Stan were on a day's expedition to search for the Hide-Behind. So, it would be fine.
"I just woke up again, let me get my Mabel Juice first." Mabel put the phone on speaker mode, and they heard the tinny steps of his beloved demon walk towards the fridge. He loved that thing, second only to Dipper. He put stickers on that. They waited until Bill smacked his lips, yawning.
"What do you guys need?" he muttered, throwing on his coat. Mabel didn't call Bill for just chats very often. They had a group chat for that. It was named, "The Tops."
"We need someone to pick us up. We got suspended." Nya replied.
"Really?" he asked intrigued. "On it. Be there in 20." He hung up, reaching for the keys on the standby the door.
Dipper went to sit on the stairs, swinging his legs in boredom. The bell eventually rang, while Mabel had linked her legs on the bars above the door, falling asleep instantly.
A large, meaty hand shoved him in the back. Self-control, self-control, self-control. Five more minutes. He could wait. "What the frick?"
Of course. Of fucking course, Alex Russo of all people had to start something now when he was ready to rip someone's flesh off and his patience worn thin.
Dipper groaned. 'Axolotl, please forgive me for what I'm about to do. It won't be pretty.'
But before Dipper had the chance to give Alex Russo the fight of his life (or the one ending it), when a familiar car pulled up. Dipper knew this car like the back of his mind. Black, sleek and everyone was now looking. Mabel had now woken up, recording while still upside down.
"Who owns that?" he heard one of Samatha's goons whispered.
Then the door opened and Dipper swooned. Mentally, (maybe a bit externally but who had to know really). Mabel stretched off of the bars and strode over.
"Took you long enough." She grinned, belting herself in. "Onwards my noble steed!"
Bill turned to him and Dipper would never get tired of those energetic, electric blue eyes.
"Sapling, you ready?" He asked, tilting his head. He looked like a puppy. A very large, very confused puppy.
Dipper glanced behind him, the clique behind him in awe and jealously. He grinned. "Always have been."
Bill picked Dipper up, gently, bridal style and planted a kiss right on Dipper whilst carrying him away to the car. Dipper turned his head to Samantha and flipped her off, making eye contact. She backed off first, which he was really smug about internally.
Bill lowered his window, stuck his head outside and screamed at the top of his lungs, "BYE-BYE BASIC ASS BITCHES!" He hit the gas, leaving skid marks all over the road.