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It was past midnight, and that was the only thing Andi was sure of.
She and Frankie laid sprawled out on the latter’s fluffy yellow rug on the floor of her bedroom. A disc spun in the old stereo, playing something with soft synths. Andi wasn’t good at identifying instruments. She turned her attention to the ceiling fan going in circles. She laid on her back, following it with her eyes until she became dizzy.
At the first hints of nausea, Andi sat up and ran a hand through her hair. Frankie watched her from the corner of her eye.
“You okay?” she asked.
“What?” Andi answered automatically. It took a moment for her brain to register what Frankie had said. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine.” She toyed with the hem of her shirt. The cold air outside drifted through the cracked window. Andi didn’t shiver. She glanced back at Frankie, then immediately returned her gaze to the floor.
“You’re acting weird.” Frankie sat up and leaned her chin on her palm, her elbow resting on her knee. Andi didn’t meet Frankie’s eyes. “What’s up? You know you can tell me anything.”
Andi shook her head. “It’s nothing, really.”
Frankie looked at her sternly. “You’re lying, I can tell. Your cheeks get all red when you do it.” Andi glanced up at the mirror on Frankie’s wall in front of her. Sure enough, her face was flushed. “Did you fail another algebra exam?”
“No! You’re making things up,” Andi cried defensively, smacking Frankie lightly on the shoulder. She laughed, then rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically.
“Fine, don’t tell.”
Andi watched as Frankie moved to lay back down. It was endlessly cold outside, and yet something was melting her brain, because she couldn’t stop thinking about the upperclassmen in the bathroom today. They were gossiping, like always, about anyone who was slightly vulnerable.
“And the annoying one? Francesca? She only has one friend, and she’s just as pathetic as her. Sad face.”
Suddenly, Andi surged forward and grabbed underneath Frankie’s chin. She opened her mouth to question Andi, but was swiftly cut off. Andi dragged her into a kiss, running too hard on adrenaline to pretend it wasn’t her first.
Andi moved entirely without grace, giving herself zero opportunity to think of the next second of time, much less her next move. She barely thought about how Frankie returned the kiss or how her lips were soft. Strawberries. She tasted like strawberries, and that was the only thing Andi thought about.
It was about twelve seconds before Andi’s brain kicked in and she pulled away with a gasp. Frankie looked surprised at the loss. Her face was quite red, but she didn’t look as embarrassed as Andi felt. A supreme sense of self loathing descended over Andi and she dug her fingernails into her forearms.
“I- I don’tknowwhatthatwas,” she rushed the words out in one breath, then doubled over, burying her face into her hands. She began to rock herself. “Seriously, why did I do that?!”
Frankie didn’t seem nearly as phased. “You have to try everything at least once, right?” She awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck. Shit, she must have said that out loud.
Frankie reached a hand out in an attempt to comfort her. Andi jumped at the touch, scrambling to her feet like a startled cat. “Uh, I think I should be getting home,” she mumbled, eyes darting around the room trying to find where she had left her backpack.
“You sure?” Frankie asked. “You don’t have to. It’s okay, really. I’m not mad.”
Andi just nodded, eyes glazed over as she scooped up her bag. It wasn’t even zipped as she threw it over her shoulder. “I’ll, uh, see you at school,” she mumbled before fleeing the room. She didn’t shut the door behind her.
Once outside, she took a deep breath. She tried repeatedly to get air into her lungs, but it was useless. She couldn’t even form a coherent thought, all that ran through her head was a cacophony of anxiety. She had never acted so incredibly stupid.
She made it to the end of the path before she vomited into the nearest bush.
Slowly, shamefully, she walked away from the house and towards town. It was a quiet night, but if she listened hard enough, she could hear the twinkling dings of Park Planet somewhere off above. She reached for her phone subconsciously. She had no notifications, unsurprisingly. Andi sighed and kept walking.
There was a fuel station about a five-minute walk from Frankie’s house. It had been the host of many sleepover snack raids over the years. When Andi arrived, there were two cars in the parking lot. She didn’t take much notice of them and walked inside.
Her hands were shaking as she approached the counter. She tried to look tough and glared lightly at the poor overnight cashier, but she was biting her bottom lip.
“One pack of smokes, yeah?”
Andi had no idea what was going to come out of her mouth until she was saying it. For a moment, she wasn’t even totally sure she had said anything at all. The cashier looked at her blankly, then started to laugh.
“Really, kid?” he asked her, raising an eyebrow. He couldn’t have been that much older than Andi, probably recently graduated.
“Yes, really.” Andi maintained her glare, despite every bone in her body screaming at her to run in the other direction.
He looked at her for a moment, then seemed to decide throwing her out wasn’t worth it at this time of night. “Whatever, it’s your health.” He rolled his eyes and grabbed something from behind the counter.
She took her cigarettes and walked out of the brightly lit building as calm as she could. Once outside though, Andi picked up her pace, intent on getting home and getting to bed and chain smoking until she forgot this whole thing happened.
She was staring at the concrete so hard that she didn’t notice she was walking right in the path of a parked car until she smacked into the hood. Someone laughed, and Andi looked up directly into the eyes of a boy who couldn’t have been any older than her. He was toying with a lighter under the streetlamp.
“You would probably be less anxious if you paid attention to your surroundings,” he said, smiling. She narrowed her eyes. They went to school together. She recognized his dark skin and stupid perfectly sculpted face. She couldn’t remember his name.
Instead of responding, she opened the pack and took one out. “Light this,” she said, holding it out between two fingers. He looked at her skeptically.
“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” he asked. Andi glared at him.
“I’m not six, light the damn cigarette.” He looked at her for a moment before flipping the lighter open. She watched like a moth as it caught.
Apparently she continued to just stare at it while it burned, because the boy rolled his eyes. “I think maybe you would get more enjoyment out of a sparkler than a cigarette.”
Andi snapped back to the present. She rolled her eyes again before turning and pushing herself up to sit down next to him on the hood of his car.
“What’s your name?” he asked as she took a drag.
“Who wants to know?” she shot back.
“Me,” he said with a smirk.
“And who’s ‘me’?” She released the smoke and tried extremely hard not to cough. She succeeded. Mostly.
“I don’t know, who are you?” he returned.
Finally, she gave in. “Andi.”
“Andi,” he repeated. She shrugged.
“Your turn,” she singsonged, mocking.
He just smiled casually. “Isaiah.”
Andi felt her face getting hot all over again as she looked at his pretty eyes and dumb smile. What the fuck was wrong with her tonight? She took another heavy drag of the cigarette.
They fell back into silence. Isaiah studied her as she smoked. “You’re good at that for a middle schooler,” he said when she was halfway through.
“Not a middle schooler,” she replied. “We go to school together.” He narrowed her eyes at her and scanned her up and down, as if trying to place her face. “It’s okay if you don’t know me,” she offered, then she held out the cigarette to Isaiah. He took it. “Nobody does. Unless they’re making fun of me.”
“You’re pretty,” he said as he handed it back to her. Andi blushed and hoped he couldn’t see in the darkness. Of course, he could see, they were right underneath a very bright streetlamp. “Who makes fun of you?”
“Who doesn’t?” she asked dramatically in attempt to not let on how much it hurt. “It’s fine. It’s… it’s better when it’s me.”
His face crumpled slightly with concern. “As opposed to…?”
“My best friend,” she answered despite herself. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve said too much.”
“You’re not leaving,” Isaiah pointed out.
Andi looked at the end of the cigarette. She put it out on the car. “I guess not.”
They lapsed back into silence. Andi kept her eyes trained on the grass. It was a long walk home from here, going to take at least an hour. She dreaded it. Usually Frankie drove her around. There was never one without the other. She wasn’t used to being alone. She was all alone, all alone, all-
“So, Andi, what brings you out here?”
Andi blinked. Oh. Yeah. “Just walking,” she finally said after a minute.
Isaiah didn't seem too interested in prying that open. “Want me to drive you home?” he asked instead.
Andi shook her head. “No way. Not getting in cars with strangers is like, rule number 1.”
He made a noncommittal noise like she had a point. “Up to you. Offer’s there.”
She sighed. “I don’t want to go home yet.” Andi looked up to the night sky. Leftover smoke swirled around her. There weren’t any stars visible. Too much light pollution.
“I’m not going to ask about your deepest traumas, if that’s what you’re baiting,” he said. She snorted lightly.
“I wouldn’t want you to.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
Their eyes met, and it only took a second before they both started laughing. Nothing was funny, she didn’t understand it. Something about the moment was just too absurd. Andi buried her face in her hands and tried to stop giggling. She rubbed her temples as she finally started to calm down.
“Jeez, I’m a fucking mess.”
“Are you? I couldn’t tell at all,” Isaiah teased. Andi bit back another laugh, then leaned forward until her forehead rested against his arm. He didn’t act weirded out or push her away. She didn’t know why she was doing it. She didn’t know why she did anything anymore. It just felt nice.
After her heart rate had finally slowed back down to what it had been an hour ago before she made a move on her best friend, Andi closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Nothing made sense anymore.
Her hand found Isaiah’s and after a second, she tangled their fingers together.
“I think I'll take you up on that offer after all.”