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"You'll receive you courtesy name and be named heir in six months." Lan Qiren stood across from Lan Yuan who had frozen in his spot.
"What?" Lan Yuan questioned. "You hadn't named me heir already?"
"Do not be presumptuous." The elder scolded.
"Apologies but this one doesn't think it's presumptuous to think the only child of this generation of the Lan main family is not already named heir." Lan Yuan bowed his head and did his best to keep his tone even as he spoke.
"In normal circumstances yes. But your– parentage– left us with no heir and since no one else is able to you will have to do." Lan Qiren waved his hand as he went back to his work.
Lan Yuan stood in front of the desk and blinked. He'll do? He'll have to do? How is he supposed to respond to that? For the moment he just bowed and walked out of the yashi and walked as quickly as he could without technically breaking the no running rule. He noticed his peers moving out of the way for him and he could feel the ever sharp gaze of the senior disciples and elders. He ignored them as he went straight for the jingshi.
When he arrived Lan Yuan looked around for his baba and found that the man was probably still teaching his class. That's fine. Lan Yuan is eleven years old. He knows the way to his a-niang's natal sect well by now. So he went to his room and packed a bag and grabbed some coins, he'd apologize to his baba later for leaving without telling the man. Once he finished packing, and writing a note to leave on his baba's desk that he was going home, he quietly exited the building and made his way along grass to a weak point in the barrier and carefully slide out and took off into a tree line.
He took the longer way down the mountain and stayed on the outside of Caiyi Town. Lan Yuan looked around before he found his favorite merchant.
"Cuifen Ayi! Fugui Shushu!" Lan Yuan smiled as he rushed up to the couple.
"Oh Yuan-er!" The woman held her arms out and wrapped the boy in a tight hug. "How is my favorite Lan doing?"
Lan Yuan smiled, Liu Cuifen had met Lan Yuan's parents back when they were just disciples. She had been delighted to see that Lan Yuan's baba had a child and when asked of his a-niang she cried and held him and told him how wonderful his a-niang was to them. When Lan Yuan and his baba told the two that Lan Yuan would visit Yunmeng Jiang for three months every year they offered to take him when Hanguang-jun couldn't.
"I will be better when I get to see jiujiu." Lan Yuan confessed and the woman nodded.
"Then we shall go," Cuifen ayi patted his cheek and turned to the small building near by and yelled out, "lao gong get the boat ready for Yunmeng Jiang!"
The lean man that came out shook his head fondly and patted Lan Yuan's shoulder and he got to them.
"I won't be arrested for kidnapping the great Hanguang-jun's son will I?" Lin Fugui raised a brow as he asked his question.
"Mn, you will not." Lan Yuan shook his head. "I left a note for baba so if he wishes to find me he can."
"He will." Cuifen ayi corrected.
Lan Yuan felt his ears burn as he looked down at his feet. Most people in Caiyi Town are familiar with him being their Second Jade's precious son. And despite the years he has spent being called Hanguang-jun's precious son, the moments where it's treated like a fact as old as time instead of mockery always manage to leave Lan Yuan embarrassed.
"Give me a couple of ke and we'll be off." Fugui shushu promise as he walked down to the docks.
When they arrived in Yunmeng Jiang Lan Yuan was finally able to take a deep breath. He reached his hand down to the water and smiled as a couple of fish swam under his fingers. The closer they got to Lotus Pier the more he felt the urge to jump into the water. A hand landed on his shoulder and pulled him back.
"Aiyah if you keep leaning you'll fall in." Cuifen ayi scolded. "Jiang zongzhu will surely be angered if we hand him a zhizi wet to the bone. Keeping you from trouble makes me feel like I'm sitting on a carpet of needles."
"Sorry ayi." Lan Yuan ears burned as he bowed his head.
When they got close enough to the dock Lan Yuan couldn't stop himself from leaping out of the boat. He landed on the dock and took off towards the main house. He weaved in between the disciples and servants and threw the door to the side before slowly down and falling to his knees in front of the bed. Lan Yuan crossed his arms and laid his head on them facing the small table that held a picture of his a-niang. In this picture his a-niang is holding Suibian, if Lan Yuan were to guess he'd say that his a-niang must have been in the middle of training. His a-niang is smiling and was looking off and Lan Yuan can imagine that his a-niang was talking to somebody as someone else painted him.
"What brings this xiao lianhua here today?"
Lan Yuan turned to look up at the man that was leaning in the door way.
"I was wondering what a-niang would say to help me." Lan Yuan looked back at the picture at his a-niang's wide eyes. "But I don't even know what I need help with honestly."
"Then let's start with what brings you here." Jiujiu walked into the room and sat down next to Lan Yuan. "What caused you to run from your a-die?"
"Er-ye said I'm receiving my courtesy name in six months." Lan Yuan muttered and felt his ears burn at his childishness. "And that is when I'll be named heir."
"Hah?" Jiujiu raised a brow. "What do you mean you'll be named heir in six months? Does Lan Wangji have some other secret child nobody knows about? Or Zewu-jun, does he have a secret child?"
"No." Lan Yuan huffed.
"Then why aren't you already their heir?" Jiujiu frowned.
"Er-ye said it's because of a-niang, and that I'll have to do." Lan Yuan tucked his face into the bedding.
He could still see his jiujiu who blinked and looked at the picture with a stunned blank face.
"You should have lit the man's bread on fire." The man stated plainly and Lan Yuan giggled.
"What would a-niang say to me?" The question was quiet but Lan Yuan knew it was heard.
"I don't know." Jiujiu responded after a moment. "We were never presented this issue of someone is the position to be heir and not being named heir. I'm sorry zhizi."
"It's fine jiujiu."
Lan Yuan was practicing his sword forms in the training ground in the Cloud Recesses as he tried to not think about how in five months he'll get his courtesy name and be named heir.
"Lan Yuan." The boy turned to see his bobo standing by the pathway.
"Bobo." Lan Yuan bowed to the man.
"Your shifus say you are being quieter now. Something troubling you?" Bobo asked politely.
"Nothing you can help me with Bobo." Lan Yuan kept his head down.
"Are you sure?" The man pushed.
"Unless you can give me five minutes with my a-niang." The boy whispered and Zewu-jun frowned.
"Why would you want time with him?" Zewu-jun questioned and Lan Yuan wondered if he was the crazy one.
"When you were my age did you ever wish to see your a-niang for just five more minutes? Or have you never thought about her even once?" Lan Yuan questioned as he crossed his arms.
"There is no reason to talk back Lan Yuan." Zewu-jun chided with a shake of his head.
Lan Yuan turned away and muttered an apology. Maybe he is the crazy one. Maybe he went mad along side his a-niang in the Burial Mounds and that's why everything on this pure mountain makes him feel out of place. Maybe he is tainted and by taking him in as his own Hanguang-jun had stained himself as well. Maybe that's he'll just have to do.
Four months before the ceremony Nie shibo came for a visit and Zewu-jun called Lan Yuan to meet them in the yashi.
"If it isn't xiao lianhua!" Nie shibo smiled and fluttered his fan.
"Please don't call me that." Lan Yuan insisted as his ears burned.
"Lan Yuan. Respect your elders." Zewu-jun scolded and Lan Yuan looked down.
"Huh? Oh it's quite alright er-ge! It's a nickname Jiang Wanyin calls him and I just wanted to tease my xiao shizhi." Nie shibo reassured and Zewu-jun just frowned.
"I appreciate your kindness Huaisang but I'm trying to get Lan Yuan ready to be named heir and addressing his elders properly is important." Zewu-jun maintained and went back to his cup of tea.
"Huh?" Nie shibo blinked and looked over at Lan Yuan. "He's not named already? Isn't he the only one of the next generation in your line?"
"Yes but he and Wangji insist that Wei Wuxian is his a-niang. And with the choices he made towards the end of his life the elders don't want his spawn to lead the sect. But we have no other option now." Zewu-jun explained as if he was talking about sword forms.
Lan Yuan grit his teeth and clenched his fists. With the choices he made. The choice being on the stone ground of a dark, damp cave with a toddler sitting in his lap that he starved to be able to feed said toddler as he used his blood to make food preserving talisman. How dare his a-niang love him. And how dare Lan Yuan be proud to be his a-niang's son. How dare he and his a-niang stain his baba because the man loves them. How dare the love they all have for each other inconvenience the oh so great Gusu Lan sect.
A part of Lan Yuan wishes he could be angry with his a-niang, and then he remembers his a-niang's beautifully sad smile as he combed Lan Yuan's hair with his fingers. He remembers his a-niang crying quietly as he whispered an apology. He remembers hearing his a-niang's wails echo off the cave wall as he cried for Qing-yima and Ning-jiujiu. And he remembers the tears that gather in his baba's eyes as he says that a-niang was the best person he ever met, not because a-niang was powerful or because baba loves him. A-niang was the best because he was good, Lan Yuan is alive because a-niang was good.
Nie shibo's posture changes as his eyes narrow and the meeting goes on.
Three months till the ceremony Zewu-jun is bringing him to Lanling Jin while Hanguang-jun was out on a week long night hunt. Yuan has a horrible feeling about it as his baba has never allowed him to go to Lanling Jin, even for a-Ling's birthday. As they walk into Koi Tower Yuan feels nauseous as he keeps his gaze on the ground instead of the blinding golden buildings. He really doesn't want to be here. But Zewu-jun said he must accompany him on his trip to get ready to be named heir and hadn't told him where they were going.
"Ah er-ge, how was your trip?" Lianfang-jun smiled at Zewu-jun before looking over at Lan Yuan. "You must be Lan Yuan, it is nice to meet you xiao Lan-gongzi."
"Our trip was good, and please a-Yao feel free to call him zhizi as I do." Zewu-jun insisted with a smile.
Yuan froze and furrowed his brows. He doesn't want this man to call him zhizi. Zewu-jun doesn't even call him zhizi. When has he acknowledged Yuan as his zhizi?
Before Yuan could do anything else a-Ling ran around the corner with a few of his tang xiongs right behind him. The older boys skid to a stop but a-Ling brightened and ran up to Yuan.
"Oh Jin Ling, it is nice to see you, this is Lan Yuan your tang xiong." Zewu-jun introduced.
A-Ling frowned but kept his mouth shut. The boy tugged on Yuan's sleeve and started to bring them away. A-Ling's tang xiongs followed behind them but Yuan could feel Lianfang-jun's dead stare on him.
The boys made it to a garden quite some ways away from where the two sect leaders are and one of a-Ling's tang xiong's threw a rock at the boy. Yuan checked the area the rock hit, a small stream of blood started to trail down a-Ling's neck. Yuan froze and felt his slowly and steadily boiling rage start to spill over the edge as he whirled around and swung his fist into the first boy's nose. The boy screamed and tried to push Yuan off of him as Yuan punched him in the jaw and eye. The other boys managed to pry Yuan off of the other and pushed him back onto the ground.
Yuan drew in a ragged breath as he laid on the ground and felt a pulse of a familiar force. The yin energy hummed under his skin as the resentment stirred from under the ground. He felt resentment that felt so familiar to his soul from far underneath him that drew tears to his eyes. He noticed one of the boys walk up to him ready to start hitting him with some sort of stick when a ghost leapt up from the ground. The boys screamed in terror and run as fast as their feet could carry them. The ghost settled and leaned over Yuan's face.
"Qinqie gongzi, your the son of qinqie gongzi." The ghostly woman's voice distorted as she spoke, but her words were clear enough to understand.
"Qinqie gongzi?" A-Ling walked over next to Yuan and tried to question the ghost. "Who is this qinqie gongzi?"
Qinqie gongzi? Qinqie? Kind, warm, friendly-
"A-niang?" Yuan choked on his voice as he spoke. The ghost woman gave a smile, as best as she could with her torn face, and nodded.
"What about da-jiu? How do you know ge is da-jiu's son?" A-Ling raised a brow in question.
"Order from Gui Jiangjun and Qinqie gongzi. It is Qinqie gongzi's order, Gui Jiangjun relayed it again. He does that sometimes, this time he tried to break the chains off." The woman explained.
"But Gui Jiangjun was burned. His ashes were scattered along with Wen Qing's." A-Ling frowned and crossed his arms.
"He's chained in the basement. There are nails in his body, but his body is whole." The woman frowned and the boys froze.
"Wait how can we ever talk to you?" A-Ling wondered.
"Xiao qinqie gongzi wishes for your questions to be answered. It makes him happy. The order is to keep him safe and happy. Until he is content, I can speak easy with you." The woman explained.
"And if I won't be content until Ning shushu is home?" Yuan challenged.
"Then I will stay until you bring Gui Jiangjun home, if you even know where home is." The woman answered easily.
"What's your name?" Yuan asked.
"This one's name is Gui Rui." The woman bowed her head.
"Where are you from?" Queried a-Ling.
"I am from the outskirts of Lanling Jin, many years ago I felt the order from Qinqie gongzi that gave my wandering a purpose. Though I knew not how to get to xiao qinqie gongzi, I did find Gui Jiangjun. I stayed with him for a long time before he said xiao qinqie gongzi needed help and was right above our heads." Gui Rui answered.
"Would it be alright if I call you Rui-jie?" Yuan plead and a-Ling looked over to him with concern.
"Whatever xiao qinqie gongzi prefers." Rui-jie smiled.
"C-can I also– call you Rui-jie?" A-Ling stuttered and twisted his hands in his sleeves.
"I do not mind." Rui-jie nodded.
Rui-jie looked up and narrowed her hollowed eyes towards the sound of approaching footsteps and faded back into the ground. Yuan stared at the spot she vanished as Zewu-jun scolds him.
Two months til the ceremony Yuan is still carrying out his punishment from the trip to Koi Tower. Hanguang-jun was furious with Zewu-jun and they argued for a long time before Hanguang-jun stormed back to the jingshi and checked Yuan for the umpteenth time. Yuan ended up on house arrest for six weeks, he spent most of this time talking to Rui-jie and asking her questions.
"So you met another ghost who used to hang around a-niang?" Yuan questioned.
"Mm, I did, I called her Di jiejie. She told me that Qinqie gongzi would ask her about her life and listen to her woes and regrets. Many other ghosts of that time were able to move on peacefully." Rui-jie explained.
"Did Ning jiujiu tell you any stories?" Yuan asked.
"No, I'm not sure what the nails are made of but it was only when he whispered of the order and you being above us at the time did I ever hear his voice." Rui-jie looked down at the grass sadly.
"It's okay, we'll save him." Yuan reassured. He tipped his head back and stared at the clouds.
"Yuan-er." His baba's voice was steady as he called out. "Be careful, I do not wish for you to have to deal with being in trouble for nothing again."
"Baba I have a question." Yuan looked over to his baba as the man lowered himself to kneel next to Yuan. "What would a-niang tell me to do, about how I'll have to do for heir?"
His baba frowned and let a rabbit jump onto his lap. He patted the rabbit's back and let out a shaky sigh.
"I do not know baobei," baba whispered, "I wish I could tell you with complete confidence what advice he'd give you. But all I know is that regardless of whatever advice he could give and whatever you decided to do with it, he'd still love you."
Yuan nodded and let himself fall back in the grass. Rui-jie shuffled awkwardly as the bolder rabbits began to poke around her.
"I'm sorry baobei," baba murmured and tears filled Yuan's eyes. He didn't want his baba to feel bad about Yuan's pointless wishes.
One month before the ceremony everything was busy. Even though Yuan was still under house arrest for the next two weeks he was still very aware of how much was happening around the sect. He received a letter from a-Ling saying he found a note book that belong to Jiang Yanli and had been reading some of the entries, though he begged Yuan to not tell jiujiu.
"Xiao qinqie gongzi," Rui-jie sat on the floor next to Yuan, "you do not want to be named heir?"
"It's not that I don't want to be named heir," Yuan started and paused, "I just don't want to 'have to do' just because people don't like my a-niang. Their being unfair and there's so many rules they break and bend just to belittle my a-niang."
Rui-jie frowned.
"Your a-niang was kind, why do they hate him?" Rui-jie puzzled.
"I don't know." Yuan heaved a sigh.
"What does Hanguang-jun think you should do?" She asked.
"Baba says that I can stay or leave, he'll go with whatever I choose." Yuan whispered. He thought about leaving when baba said he'd go with Yuan, but Yuan felt guilty. His baba had done so much to make a home here for him, how could he just up and leave?
"The opinions of your jiujiu and shibo matter to you yes?" Rui-jie continued questioning. "What do they say?"
"Jiujiu and Nie shibo offered to make me heir of their sects respectively." He thought about that too but he wasn't staying in this sect what was expected of him?
"If you do not mind being heir but mind how the sects speak of Qinqie gongzi why don't you go to those others sects?" She prodded.
"I can't." Yuan huffed and turned to look away from the ghostly woman.
"Do you feel as if you're wasting Qinqie gongzi's sacrifice to give you a life here?" Tears burned in Yuan's eyes as Rui-jie pushed.
"Rui-jie please, what am I supposed to do? My a-niang was murdered and he suffered and all to give me a better life and I have a better life here!" Yuan grabbed his hair as he shouted, his tears running down his face as he blinked furiously. "I don't know what to do that wouldn't insult him! Baba always says that if I feel like I have to choose who to be filial towards then to choose a-niang but how do I do that if I don't know what he'd say?!"
"I am sorry for pushing you xiao qinqie gongzi," Rui-jie whispered softly, "but if I may, we call him Qinqie gongzi for good reason. I think he'd just want you to be kind to yourself."
"You didn't meet him." Yuan snapped, he felt his stomach twist immediately and whispered an apology as he got up to leave the room.
The day of the ceremony had Yuan nauseous. He paced around in his fancy robes and was carefully to not mess up his hair that had been done up. His baba watched him pace around with a helpless look on his face. The jingshi was trapped in silence with even Rui-jie just floating near by.
"Xiao qinqie gongzi, I think you should sit. Someone is coming." Rui-jie offered before she went to hide. Right after she did so there was a firm and quick knock on the door,
Baba opened the door and Jiujiu and a-Ling rushed in with Nie shibo right behind them.
"Have you made your decision yet? About being the Lan Sect heir?" Nie shibo quickly asked skipping any form of greeting.
"Uhm, no?" Yuan's brow furrowed as he watched the three of them.
"Good. Jin Ling, tell them." Nie shibo nodded his head towards Yuan and his baba.
"You know how I told you I found my a-niang's journal and was reading it?" A-Ling started and held up the book in question. "I found an entry from before hers and my a-die's wedding. In one entry she noted that she wasn't sure if she was marrying him because she wanted him or if it was because she wanted to ease the burden on her didis. Da-jiu had protected her honor from my a-die twice before and he had suffered in the war to keep the front lines from falling. If those lines fell even a bit where he was then my a-niang would have died. She noted that when she would see da-jiu again she'd ask what she should do if she really didn't want to marry him."
Yuan held his breath as a-Ling rambled on and felt his body tighten as he started connecting some dots. Did Yanli-yima ask his a-niang? Did his a-niang give her an answer? Did she actually marry Jin Zixuan because she loved him or out of obligation for her family to repay her didis?
"And?" Yuan's impatience felt wrong but he didn't think he could breath right until he got an answer.
"In the following entry she wrote what da-jiu told her." A-Ling flipped open the book and held it over to Yuan.
Yuan quickly but carefully took the book from his biao di and searched for the page the entry started.
"Today is a much brighter day. I got to see a-Xian for the first time in a long while. We met up in Yiling, a-Cheng and I waited with bowls of soup and how I wish I brought better food. The town was so very poor and I heard many women say how the mountain a-Xian lives on is poorer for farming. But when a-Xian came he told me he really appreciated the soup and would treasure it. He said that xiao Yuan would love to try it. I got him to talk about this xiao Yuan, my a-Xian is an a-die now. I teased him with those words and he had sighed and his friend Wen Qionglin gave a small smile and said that xiao Yuan insisted on calling a-Xian a-niang. And isn't that adorable!
I did ask a-Xian about what I should do, and he told me "shijie, if you are scared to wake up in the morning by his side, if you fear showing him your sadness in your lowest points and think showing him your joy is unnecessary. Then marrying him is unnecessary. The choices I made are not things you must pay for. I choose to love you and protect you with all my heart. If marrying him makes you happy and you can be yourself and smile brightly by his side then you would marry him for love. But if you dread it, if you think my sacrifices mean you have to marry into the richest sect to pay us back, then leave. I will help you leave if I must, even if you decide to leave with your wedding dress on and people at their seats and even if the feast is about to start. Leave, go home, be happy, be free."
Yuan stood frozen and read the last sentence over and over and over until the words were burned into his mind. Until he was sure he'd remember even after drinking Lady Meng's soup.
"Leave, go home, be happy, be free."
"Baba, I don't want to be the sect heir for Gusu Lan." Yuan's voice shook as he kept his gaze on the paper in front of him. "Can we leave?"
"Of course," his baba let out a relieved breath as he popped up and started rushing around the jingshi to get bags and start packing, "wherever Yuan-er wants to go."
The others in the room also let out breaths of relief and a-Ling rushed off to help pack Yuan's things.
"Jiujiu?" Yuan started to ask and noticed that the man in question had moved close enough to kneel in front of Yuan. "Can we go to Lotus Pier? Can we join the Jiang?"
"Would you want to be a normal disciple or would you like to be named my heir?" Jiujiu asked as he reached out to hold onto Yuan's hands.
"Can I be heir? I promise I'll be good-" Yuan started to ramble and was cut off by Jiujiu hugging him tightly.
"You already are good xiao lianhua. You are good and you are strong and you are kind." Jiujiu reassured. "And you're a-niang would be so damn proud of you."
Yuan felt his tears run down his cheeks as he stuffed his face into his jiujiu's shoulder. He could hear his baba and biao di packing items of importance while he tried to keep his cries at a low volume. He felt his body tremble as everyone left the jingshi.
"Jin Ling and I will go to our guest rooms. We can try to buy you time." Nie shibo fluttered his fan as Yuan and his baba secured their bags.
"Thank you Nie shibo." Yuan bowed his head as he held tightly to his baba's sleeve.
"It is nothing my shizhi. You go be happy in Yunmeng." The man patted Yuan's head before turning around. "Besides, Dianxia knows you're a-niang would have my head if I could have helped you and didn't."
Baba took Yuan's hand in his and began to pull him towards the rabbit's meadow. Jiujiu followed right behind and Yuan felt his chest hollow. Were they really doing this? Was it really okay to just leave? What about his baba's duties? Would shigong follow them?
Yuan's heart beat violently against his ribs as the three of them ran. He barely felt Suibian glide under his feet and take off. The wind whipping at his face startled him and he looked back to see his baba and jiujiu behind him by a couple feet. Suibian hummed and Yuan felt himself let out a shuttering breath as he faced forward. The sun felt less like a sweltering heat and more like a comforting warmth as they flew. The wind didn't quite whip his face anymore, it felt more like it was caressing his face like how he vaguely remembers his a-niang once doing. Is this a-niang protecting him once more? Is his a-niang using Suibian to rescue him from another prison?
For once when Yuan thinks about what his a-niang would say at this moment he doesn't need to ask anyone. He knows a-niang would tilt his head back and laugh as they flew. That laughter burst from Yuan as he flew faster.